Run #1793 from the Crown & Sceptre, St Marychurch with Bobby, Poacher & Wiggers aided and abetted by Klingon (SS) and Directed by Cecil Bat DeMille
Return it was to that real real ale pub [sic], the Crown & Sceptre - recently acknowledged by Camra for forty years of service by the Wheeler family to the real ale drinkers of St Marychurch.
A faithful forty one hashers crammed into the tiny C & S car park:
Piltdown & Georgy P, Winfield, Teapot, U Bend, Piddler, Hotlips & Zoot, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Just Cummin, Adam & Lyn, Manpig, Beefy, SM Ellie, BroadS, Klingon, Kermit, Deep Throat, Wigwam, Mrs S, Poacher, Manopause, Erection, Abscess & Gosia, 3sum, SatNav, Fukarwi, Able, Rambo, Doris, Aber Joe, Coldtits, Rise n Shine, Teararse, Only Here, a returning Rent Boy, Bobby and BB.
Events conspired against the advertised (in)famous four hares with only Bobs and the Birthday Bat rendezvousing at 2:30pm - a dramatic start to the day Oh Dearly Decimated.. but the Deadly Duo hatched a plan so cunning that you could put a tail on it, dress it in a suit and call it a weasel Bat... I know, but I'm too tired to care Oh Dearly Had Too Many..
By the time the cavalry (Poacher and Klingon) arrived, the kit form trail had been put in place and all that needed to be done was to ferry Poach (after his pre-trail pint of cider) to Anstey's CP and let him loose to lay the last long Larry. Finally, after a slight hiatus marking the first long to Oddicombe (managed to lose Poacher in twenty square yards of undergrowth) and a slightly battered Birthday Bat fluttered into the circle.. Olé!
Three L/S splits, a Wiggy walkers trail, a SS RG at a magnificent VP AND a beer stop was advised by the flabbergasted hares and with that, the Le Mans style staggered start saw Bobby and Klingon leg it to the Panzer, while the Birthday Bat barged through the C & S bar to get the fly by.... Safari so good and still no Shirleys Shirley...
Bobby Woll crashed the gears on his Panzerkampfwagen and snarled 'Hang on, we're going to head 'em off at the pass' and promptly careered into the precinct cul de sac... sigh.
For Wigwam's walkers, it was a peaceful and leisurely stroll to the SS while the shorts had a fair old work out via the cliff railway. The longs, however, encountered the mudslip barrier directly above Little Oddicombe on a 4.8 metre high tide - and this was only the first obstacle of what Beefy was to call 'A magnificent, assault course of a trail'... praise indeed from the hard hasher.
Meanwhile, a half mile away as the bat flies, a tiny knot of hashers were forming at the RG SS directly above Suicide Point and could make out tiny fluoro-vested hashers fighting their away across the mudslip - Oh what fun to see, Oh Dearly Tormented...
Fellow Birthday Boy Deep Throat's ON ON shouts could be heard drifting across the bay, prompting the Birthday Bat to play Echo Beach* across the salty expanse. So delighted at the effect, the Batty One insisted on 'treating' each and every attendee of the SS to listen to the game... Oh Dearly Easily Amused...
The longs must have Shirley known that Redgate - or the dive into Red Devil Gate in reverse beckoned and what a challenge that was to be as a recent limestone fall had demolished the gabions at the foot of the beach, resulting in a treacherous semi scree slope to navigate. Batting out of hell to get in position for the filming of the epic Guns of Navarone remake was fam-ed film director Cecil Bat DeMille... Didulikethat? Well please...
Heroes aplenty came into view at the base of the final vertical rock climb out of Devil Gate Dive: A born again long U Bend, Telemark ski-poled Piddler, Aber Joe, Manpig, Fukarwi, Manopause, Abscess & Gosia, Poacher & Cider (well done that dog), Adam & Lyn, Deep Throat and Beefy. Strangely, two dedicated longs were missing from the roll call of honour: SM Ellie and BroadS. Vainly did the bewildered Bat linger as the gloom consumed him before he had to repair to the Panzer beer stop below in Anstey's car park.
The final frontier long loop around Bishops Walk strung the warriors out but wait - what was this? BroadS and Smellie appeared and SM Ellie explained that she knew what was waiting Down in Devil Gate Dive** and had decided to give it a Miss Shirley - and gent BroadS had ridden shotgun.
The strava revealed a full six miler over 'varied' terrain and I salute one and all for so stoically surviving - but it wasn't just the beer stop that intoxicated - some stunning sights were taken in along the way Winfield.
TVH soon packed out the Crown & Sceptre with Wetfart making a guest appearance. Landlord Dave's trusted sarnies and pies hit the spot and hashers took the hint of ordering the Butcombe Gold which thankfully held up all evening. RA supremo Manpig was in excellent form once again and oversaw the evening's entertainment which culminated in Aber Joe being named Fishy Dick - thanks to Zoot pointing out that Joe was in fact a fishmonger by trade.
As most know, a little exaggeration anoints the weekly words of nonsensical wisdom, but I really must state that the trail could not have gone ahead without Bobby's assistance so a BIG thankyou Bobs, you saved the day. Thanks also to Poach who is a good man to have on your side; Wiggers for leading the walkers to the SS and, last but definitely not least, to Klingon for manning the SS - even with four hares we would have been one short without you!
I had a simply sublime evening and thank everyone for making it so.
THE DOWNDOWNS
6th May Run #1793 from The Crown & Sceptre St Marychurch with a host of Hares ;- Bluebird & Poacher Wigwam and Bobbiball ! who had all received dedicated duties! from Bluebird, for this excellent varied trail along the coastal footpaths with plenty of hazards lurking for the unwary.
The DD "Awards" for the evening were presented to ....
BLUEBIRD for abandoning SM.Ellie on trail, tries not to spoil his shirt with his Birthday DD!
FUKAWE who raced to beat the Ipplepeners to the Hash, but failed to notice the speed cameras on route!
DEEP THROAT wins another special hat for his birthday DD,
JOE was duly anointed, to be known now as FISHY DICK***
* Remember that great hit single from Martha & the Muffins in 1979?
'From nine till five I have to spend my time at work
The job is very boring, I'm an office clerk
The only thing that helps pass the time away
Is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach some day…' No? Well...
** You know it had to be done.
*** Winfield recalls we had a Fishy Dick many, many years ago.
ON ON to next week and our AGPU from the Church House Inn, Torbryan TQ12 5UR with Fukarwi.
