A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

Wednesday 31 July 2019

THEY SHIRLEY SHOT SHIRLEY SO HERE ARE THE WORDS

Run #1805 from Ipplepen FC with Wet Johnny & Erection
 
A high turnout (59), with a wet theme: Wetfart, Getting Wet, Never Wet, Wet Wipe and Wet Johnny - though the forecast rain fortunately didn't arrive. For reference (no Teapot so difficult to assess numbers) here is the roll:
 
Wiggy & Mrs S, Pan Fart & Bush Baby, Forrest, G-string, Rearender, Piltdown & Georgy P, Rambo & Doris, GM Shitfaced, Archangel, Runner Bean, Plonker, Ollie, Manpig, Fukarwi, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Getting Wet, Never Wet, Beefy, Zorro, Twinkletoes, Rise 'n Shine, Mateus Rose, Soapy, Pork Torpedo & Hornie, Winfield, Wetfart, Wet Johnny, Erection, Hagen Daz & Harry, Twin Buffers, 3Sum, Satnav, Nikki, Only Here, Able Semen, Hotlips & Zoot, BB, Rent Boy, Triple Jump, virgin Jacky + Linda and Libby, Wet Wipe, SM Ellie, BroadS, Fallen Woman & Broken Man, Pisswell, U Bend, Slip on Me, Coldtits . (59)



Lovely Lauren, the Rowcroft rep, had many a heart a fluttering at the circle, including the GM who declared that he was in love - but weren't we all?  A mini Rowcroft pep talk was delivered, culminating in the presentation of the monies raised at our Red Dress extravaganza the previous week from the admirable Park Inn.  On behalf of Migman's family, Wigwam unfurled the scroll bearing the legend 'Teign Valley H3 have raised an amazing £291.47 in memory of hasher Migman' - a  touching moment greeted with deserved applause.



The GM continues his development, a Superman cape (believed to be courtesy of Libby) added to his Staff of Moses. We await, with some trepidation, further accoutrements to his garb - perhaps a crown to set it all off nicely? Teign Valley continues to live up to its original mantra of The Party Hash.



Triple Jump, still on a roll (Libby and Linda), enlisted Jacky to the merry throng,



Nice to see Rearender back again, nearly a regular with two visits in the past year.



G-string still inseparable from Pepper (think that was the name) the pup, Fukarwi unknowingly wearing a natty purple Rowcroft tee shirt, Zorro (AH3 mover) and Twinkletoes, Wet Wipe from Land Ho (think about it), Hagen Daz and soon to be named Harry back from a few week's absence and also Rent Boy from afar were some that caught the eye.

Hare Wet Johnny revealed the agenda as being 2 L/S splits with the well-attended walkers' trail of about 2 and 1/2 miles; the short about four and the first long at six but also an extra road long for the warriors augmented with a SS along the way. With the rider that cards were good to go in the bar and hash grub at £2.50 in the pot, the show got on the road.



Loathe as I am to use the term, the trail was indeed something of an epic with a nigh on mighty nine miler recorded by our stalwarts.

Yes, it proved to be a runners' trail set by hardy hares who know what the FRBs like and they were not disappointed.


A walkers' lament was the absence of a SS, though the longs were in need of calories to sustain them on their journey.



Manpig narrowly avoided a DD from Beefy for knowing where the trail was going most of the time which was most helpful for running buddies Zorro, Fukarwi and BB. Climbing above the Bickley Mill, Manpig was all for careering past the SS sited higher up the meadow giving rise to an accusation of the trio being SCBs. Oh deary me, that'll never do, Beefy - completely unintended we assure you.



Horsey Horseface was given a canter and was omnipresent throughout the run as revealed by Beefy's photologue - happy days for Horsey.

Shamefacedly, I have to hold my hand up to only being able to complete the 'short' six mile long, a combination of factors preventing the completion of the naughty nine:  Heart rate unsustainable, dodgy right knee, knowing that the beer was near, being but three reasons to abort to the bar.

Made of sterner stuff, Manpig and Fukarwi pushed on in the long gone footsteps of Beefy, Runner Bean, Ollie and Plonker. Well done lads, I'll be back with you soon. How soon?  Very soon.

It was packed to the rafters back in the clubhouse with Clive and Dave dispensing (very reasonably priced) bottled beers from the cabinet, Hobgoblin and London Pride proving the most sought after tipples. Wet Johnny and Erection were scurrying around, preparing the food and all was well with the hashing world.

WINFIELD'S WISDOM AND AWARDS

Trail 1805 on Mon 29th from Ipplepen Football Club with Hares Wet Johnny & Erection,.who had laid a long ( for some) testing ! trail out along the lanes fields and hills! around Ipplepen. The big turnout of Hashers saw the cheque presented to Rowcroft from the Red Dress run proceeds raised in memory of MIGMAN last week and later enjoyed the excellent food and drinks laid on by the Hares and the Football Club.
The DD Awards for the evening were presented to ....
WET JOHNNY for THAT trail !
WIGWAM (Hashit shirt) who managed to delete all of his phone contacts?
Zoot (Ceremonial Bat Hat)  for her "Nice Pants"comment to Only Here in the car park.
U-BEND (Horsey Horseface Hat) who called Beefy " Dear!"
HARRY who is now forever to be known as BUDGIE SMUGGLER
Well done all for a great evening!

Perhaps the Days are Going Down in the West as I sat alone at the bar when all but Wet Johnny and Erection remained doing the washing up.


As I close, please singalong with me my hashers' lament. I think you know the song:

How many hashes can I finally run
Before I cash in my chips?
How many streams must a blue bird cross
Before he takes his last dip?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a bat take to wing
Before it flutters to the ground?
The answer, my friends, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind..

Lovely evening hares - that's all he wrote.

ON ON to next week and The Red Rock Brewery Bishopsteignton TQ13 9RG ( Shitfaced & Only Here /Beer)

Saturday 27 July 2019

#1805 Mon 29th July....

 .....Circle 7:15 at Ipplepen Football Club TQ12 5TT with Hares Wet Johnny & Co. Drinks will be as per last time - reasonably priced bottled beverages! Myself and Erection are sorting out some food - there will be sausages, chicken nuggets, potato salad, coleslaw, and a few rolls (cheese available for any veggies) at the bargain price of £2.50 per person. Once we have covered our food costs any extra money goes to the Football Club.Here is where we will be...


Wednesday 24 July 2019

PARK INN'S RED DRESS RUN FOR MIGMAN & ROWCROFT
 
Run #1804 Monday 22nd July RED DRESS RUN from the Park Inn with GM Shitfaced
 
Homeric words none this week Beefy, although in truth, the preparations and work that went into the scheme were of epic proportion. Herewith are merely a few recollections of the excellent evening. 
 
The Grand Master's brainchild came to fruition: a Red Dress run to commemorate our dearly departed Migman plus a little fund-raiser for that most deserving institution - Rowcroft Hospice.
 
Difficult to establish numbers but I made at least fifty five at the circle with some arriving even as the Grand Master launched into his spiel.
 
The Red Dress code varied greatly from the glamorous to the grotesque and various local charity shops had been relieved of their red dress stock.
 
I was more than a little taken aback when Shitfaced outlined a four plus mile long, having an ill-founded belief that we would only be dancing around the block and back. Whatamistakatomaka..
 
A few sample memories of the attire on show:
 
3Sum was glamorous in a flowing dress, more befitting a Gala Ball.
Teapot hadn't removed the price tag from his red skirt, no doubt hoping for a rapid refund on Tuesday.
The Penners had managed to arrive without being pulled over with Wet Johnny care free in a daring off the shoulder number and the weight loss had certainly paid off for Erection who now looked to have a magnificent wasp waist in his easy on the eye garment. Manopause unfortunately could not have got away with going undercover - his bulk more menacing than dainty.
Absolutely Not Fabulous was Only Here who caused a minor sensation when he strode purposely to the bar for a pre-run fuel injection - words can hardly describe the awful apparition. A popular pose for the locals (snapped with supporting guffaws and giggles) was the disastrous double pose with Red Plastic Bertrand.
Soapy had to take care bending over as her assets were in danger of spilling out but in stark contrast, Melon Picker's knees and unshaven legs fell foul of the style police and he was given a stern warning not to repeat the abomination.
Wetfart was most miffed at being singled out by Teapot for failing to be red dressed - reminding his old friend that he was wearing his red football socks.
Mouldy emerged from his chariot with a fetching red housecoat which conveniently could be unbuttoned for the run.
Manpig had the right idea with one of his lady wife's shoulder (Teddy) bare summer dresses though the length was a little longer than ideal for running.
U Bend was Pretty in Pink and Bobby Woll appeared to be attired in a red cordite casing sleeve.
SM Ellie looked cool in her orangey-red creation though BroadS was justifiably uneasy in his tight-fitting dress.
Archangel rode in largely unnoticed on his super bright red composite cycle.
All were winners on the night.
 
Longs to the left and shorts to the right and, almost reluctantly, the longs set off, hashers still making final adjustments to their attire. As early as the first check I had brewed up and was forced to go topless from the Red Plastic Bertrand number. Sporting an airy little halter-necked party dress, Runner Bean pranced away with returning Ollie and Beefy. A red-wigged Wiggy's boiling point was imminent  and other red dresses were changing to a darker shade. Drinkers now had an even greater running problem than usual.
 
Back to the run and the shorts merged with the longs as we hit the Newton road. An early pit stop saw the GM ushering his red army into the back of the Lord Nellie for a tiny tot before decanting out the front and resuming the trail. Manpig informed us that he'd seen marks below his abode and the make your minds up point came at the L/S split. Manpig peeled off to his house to resume and complete the long with SM Ellie as Red Plastic Bertrand, BroadS and Erection acknowledged the waves and beeps from passing motorists.
 
Down the Old Newton Road, cut back inside the Barn Owl and thankfully back to the Park with about a four miler barely survived. You can't beat a Gun Dog and oh boy, it really went down a treat as we gradually assembled outside for the barbie and Downdowns.
 
DOWNDOWNS AND OTHER AWARDS
Erection (Ceremonial Bat hat) to ONLY HERE/BEER for jumping out of a car and running into the car park as though he had run the trail.
Deep Semen (Horsey Horseface Hat) to BEEFY for failing to wear something red on the run - though he did afterwards.
Piltdown (Pillock/hashit shirt) to 3SUM for not stopping at her house for hospitality on this occasion.
NAMING of ALOE VERA ('Allo Vera?) to Soapy's grand daughter with Soapy nominated to take the DD.
NAMING of PARK & RIDE for the esteemed landlord of the Park Inn.
Various bottles to noted red dress wearers:
PALMOLIVE  (prettiest - no arguments there) WIGWAM (most fanciable!)  SOAPY (best underwear - as always)  LINDA or LIBBY sorry ladies unsure who. (best cape - Superwoman) ERECTION (GM's favourite) and finally to FORREST (best polka dots).
 
So many to thank for the evening and I'm sure I have forgotten some so apologies if I have, no disrespect intended.
 
Park & Ride and his loyal staff (T Humper included), Soapy for her cakes, I-Poo'd for alcoholic fudge, Zoot for earrings, every one of you who made the effort and last but definitely not least, our Grand Master Shitfaced.
 
A memorable event and one which Migman would have heartily applauded. Thank you GM.
 
ON ON to next week and Ipplepen Football Club TQ12 5TT with Wet Johnny & Co.

Wednesday 17 July 2019

TOUR DES RESERVOIRS WITH A SLIMMED DOWN ERECTION & A POKER FACED SEMEN

Run  #1803 Monday 15th July from Trenchford & Tottiford Reservoirs OD The Bridford Inn with Poacher & Deep Semen

Slowly did they trickle [sic] into the reservoir bridge car park which was soon full to overflowing [double sic] on a balmy evening for the continuing saga (some say charade) that is TVH. Forrest explained the reason for the heavily cratered and potholed eastern approach 'road' - it being unadopted, therefore not liable for council resurfacing and Bobby's Panzer would Shirley have perished here, Oh Dearly Suspension Smashed...

Evidently having the constitution of a cast iron cooking pot, Archangel managed (much to the surprise of T Humper) to make an appearance after reportedly downing double figures of pints at the Park on Sunday afternoon (cricket, you fools).

But never mind, the usual suspects and gang members did gaily cavort, mingle and gossip whilst an ever increasingly edgy Poacher kept muttering 'They've got a fair way to go, tell the GM to get going..'

Teapot duly declared that forty two were present, including two virgins, Kate and Edith, as well as returnees Getting Wet and Never Wet.
The Bestaffed One called his Merry Men & Women to order and manifold and mysterious were the messages that kept coming before mercifully, Deep Semen stepped up to the oche to deliver us all from Bananarama banality. 

With his utterance of a Magnificent Seven (1960) miler for the longs, he wuz Shirley preaching to the converted (FRBs you fools) but never mind, he added, 'It's all completely flat out there..' Well, nearly... and we were released into the wondrous Waterworld (1995) of the man made lakes..

Ready to RocknRolla (2008) were Flasher and a behorned Runner Bean who had already had a nice little three plus miler warm up from Bovey.

Mischievous indeed was Poacher's  indication of a Wong Wei from an early check - most longs were alerted and came back but Runner Bean and Manpig were out of earshot and Carried on Regardless (1961) Way Way Down into the boondocks before turning... sigh

After about two miles of scenic lakeside running, the dividing bridge betwixt Trenchford & Tottiford and the well-sited SS loomed.  A quick breather and off we set with just another five miles to gogo..

Up into the woods did we fearlessly foray Forrest, the scenery blurring with our perspiring tears and always omnipresent was the Deep Semen - studiously averting his gaze from the FRBs and their pleas for a pointer or three...

Tumbling down from a grassy lane, a crossroads of ultimate fear met our narrowed eyes. Beefy gave a thumbs down for the right and Flasher returned from the straight ahead saying it could be but it was so overgrown no marks could be seen. Shirley left was the only viable option and Flasher fled, a fast fading 'On one, on two' the only clues heard - and then, nothing. Flasher was last seen far away on the horizon, heading for the setting sun and cries of 'On YOU?' drifted unanswered on the wind. A second scout, Runner Bean was sent. 'On one, on two..' then an astonished 'A CROSS!!' Oh shamelessly feast in the Great Hall of Infamy, Flasher..*

Back we staggered to meet a tiny knot of longs awaiting wisdom - and a rather smug looking Semen.. HA!
Softly, softly, catch an FRB was SM Ellie who had a stress free Serena** as the snarling former FRBs were relegated to the longs.

Many a twist, turn and adventure followed, but I must report on gladiatorial glory seen along the highways and byways, Oh Dearly Didn't They Do Well..
Chasing after Mawgan (off the lead) Soapy was going like the clappers and the Wigster was wiggling well after stopping the rot. Ex Bolivian Boy Wet Johnny was starting to run lean and mean but the real eye-opener was Erection. After losing over two stone (and climbing) this was a running revelation revealed and now Team Penner Shirley is mob-handed with running (and drinking) ability.

A glazed-eyed Flasher rejoined the Fray Bentos but was now limping and only firing on three cylinders..

More mayhem materialised in a far flung field where an errant arrow sent Chief Scout Beefy on a wild goose chase as Deep Semen and his gleeful band of hangers-on continued the other way... sigh, we've been had again lads..

The only climb of note up Commons Hill brought us all back together and now it was down to the reservoirs again with BroadS feeling lucky, kicking in the turbo, the rotter.

Most Stravas read mid six miles though Flasher and Runner Bean reached ten plus and then it was pothole time again.  Without the lads navigating, I confess that I wouldn't have found the Bridford Inn, such were the tortuous twists en routey.

Ale of choice was the Exeter Brewery's Ferryman 4.2 abv and we were well looked after by the pub with a hash menu to boot.

Forrest was, uncharacteristically, in sombre mood at the bar. Languishing with his long-lasting back injury, his spirits were raised [sic] when Archangel got him a whisky pain-killer.

Well hares, we really loved the trail and what a beautiful evening to drink in the scenery.  There were few gimmes at the checks and Deep Semen kept us guessing for much of the trail - which is how it should be, I grudgingly concede.  Te saluto! I salute thee, Deep Semen & the Poach.

* It looked so good when I was writing it in delirium at 4 am
** Williams, No? Well please...

WINFIELD'S WISDOM & DOWNDOWNS
#1803 Mon 15th July at Trenchford Reservoir, high amongst the hills and forests above the Teign Valley, with Hares Deep Semen & Poacher.There were at lest 3 possible routes to the circle, where at least 40 keen Hashers did eventually find this secluded spot. It was a great sunny evening where the hares had laid several great trails around this very scenic area and later at OD Bridford Inn Bridford there was good food and a beer before it was time for the "Offenders" to step forward for their Awards....

DEEP SEMEN for (still) maintaining a poker face when asked for information on Trail!
ERECTION who was noted for his fast improving speed by a very concerned Bluebird!!
PILTDOWN MAN whose satnav setup took him in all possible directions around the area.
T.HUMPER who poured water over herself to give an extreme performance look before she finished.

ON ON to next week's eagerly anticipated RED DRESS RUN & BBQ from the Park Inn, Kingskerswell TQ12 5BQ with Shitfaced

Friday 12 July 2019

Mon 15th Hash1803 Circle 7:15

 NOW near BRIDGE BETWEEN Trenchford & Tottiford Reservoirs grid ref SX 81099 82633 nearest code TQ13 9DP : OD. Bridford Inn Bridford with Hares Deep Semen & Poacher and here is where we will be....
Click on map to find your route

Thursday 11 July 2019

Memories on Trail 1802..

...Our GM proudly leads the way to the top of the mountain!. Piltdown at the Teignmouth Trig point and with Georgy serving up the strawberries high above the river Teign on a great evening

Wednesday 10 July 2019

BETTER FLEE THE EIGER SANCTION, KATHMANDU COMMUTE & A SSSS

Run #1802 Monday 8th July from the London Inn at Shaldon with Piltdown & Georgy P'orgy


Holiday time and high summer approaching meant that Shaldon was sardine rammed with visitors. Georgy's directive that parking might be problematic proved spot on and village spaces were very hard to come by though U Bend's super chariot remarkably slotted in right next to the green.



Riding shotgun with Bobby Woll, it was a wise decision to Panzer park in the main Ness car park with Manpig having the same idea, arriving in the lady wife's chariot.



Hashers were milling around and congregating on the green and a goodly turnout it seemed to be (Teapot called it at 44) with a few unfamiliar faces. Three newbies were noted, including Mousegrass from Kathmandu - and that's one helluva commute.

Good to see Klingon, who has been racking up the miles lately; BroadS and Coldtits had all of a mile walk from Teignmouth and Wetfart from across the water also put in one of his infrequent appearances.

Quite a lengthy process at the holiday circle but worthy of note was Piltdown's victory lap of the green after winning the GM's star prize question. After calming down, Piltdown was joined by co-conspirator Georgy to outline what wuz waiting for us out there. 'About 5 for the longs, 3 1/2 for the shorts and a walkers' trail plus a SS' was discerned in the usual chaos and the starter's gun fired to release the warriors and gentle joggers all.


Plonker - still good to gogo after Saturdays's torrid A2B ten plus miler (and a still dehydrated Manpig), just managed to slam the brakes on before charging into the Teign estuary... sigh. Manopause was a reluctant leader as the FRBs gathered themseves for the inevitable frenetic fray. Beefy was quick on the draw to get a vid clip of the charge as the flat tarmac had the pace really rolling. Poacher/Cider, Flasher (completed the across Tor Bay and back swim on Saturday), Runner Bean, Plonker, BroadS (putting himself about this evening and fresh from a PB 5K Promenade Parkrun) Polyfella, Beefy, Manpig and the crazed Bat - yes, Oh Dearly Frantic, we were Shirley frying tonight..



The de rigueur silly sod loop took the longs around about, hereabouts and thereabouts afore returning through the village and WHOA! hard a starboard up Homeyards, botanical gardens bound - the lads going too quickly to spot it and recalled by an observant Beefy. Now it was Game On and the pace was still high Harry. Hitting the main road and seeing the OH across the road it was spin a coin left or right until the hares drove past up the hill!



Back down to the Ness and golf course and the hares' wilful design became clear - Yes Oh Dearly Alarmed, we were going to take on the Eiger Sanction!


And there it was, high above the Ness headland in all its savage glory - only three tenths of a mile in length but a net ascent of some 250 feet - the pain, the pain, the almost unbearable pain.. I cannot possibly tell you the expletive uttered by BroadS as he hit the steepest section but he was evidently well-impressed by the gradient grave..

Most walked but a lone hasher - young Polyfella - kept on truckin' earning the respect of 4 star FRB Runner Bean. And then after blessedly cresting the summit, the Labrador bends beckoned. The Bat was in home territory now and the climb to the road crossing was much easier. There was only one way the trail could go from here - up to the Beacon and there awaiting us was the SSSS manned by Slip on Me and Georgy P. 

Neatly set out on trays were hand-crafted milk, dark and white chocolate covered strawberries - yet another TVH Simply Sensational Sweetie Stop, well done Georgy!

The FRBs didn't tarry long and the battle commenced as we gleefully descended the mile long Better Flee Lane. No, NOT Butterfly Lane as the maps would lead you to believe, Oh Dearly Name Corrupted as this was the very lane that led from Fire Hill* to the grisly gibbet at Forches Cross and not many people know that, Oh Dearly Educating Rita.

Hard right at Forches Cross of old and more glorious rapido tuxedo descent along the aptly named Long Lane for us to rush. The trail kept us guessing and it was the five and a bit miles as promised by Piltdown - though the trudge back up to the Ness CP was an unwelcome extra.

The London Inn was packed out with eaters but we had the outside area to ourselves and they had Proper Job which went down a treat.

Getting my second Proper Job at the tiny bar and in came Archangel. 'I bet you haven't done the trail!' quoth the Bat - but he had, Beacon and all! I doff my Bat hat  to you, Archangel.

WINFIELD'S WISDOM & DOWNDOWNS
An ‘energetic’ trail which lead us around the narrow streets of Shaldon before taking the L/S on a testing climb with great views!! to Bundle Head then on-on up to the Trig point for a Strawberry stop!.
The "Awards" for the evening were presented to:-
POLYFELLA WHO KEPT ON RUNNING UP THOSE HILLS!
ABLE SEMEN WHO COMPLAINED "NOT THAT HILL!"
RUNNER BEAN FOR TRYING NOT TO WEAR THE BAT HAT, now has the Cow Hat!
MOUSEGRASS OUR VISITOR,WHO LIVES IN KATHMANDU.

* Ancient name for where the Beacon/trig point is now sited

Not often do I have the luxury of a lift and long-suffering Bobby had to wait for the four or so pints of Proper Job to be Bat-imbibed before the second trudge back to the Panzer. A made to measure trail for the longs and a splendid evening enjoyed by all, thank you, Piltdown and Georgy.

ON ON to next week and mark the NEW instructions carefully please:  NOW near BRIDGE BETWEEN Trenchford & Tottiford Reservoirs os ref 50°37'52.9"N 3°40'57.6"W nearest code TQ13 9 OD. Bridford Inn Bridford (Deep Semen & Poacher)

Saturday 6 July 2019

Hash 1801 from Ilsington

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Wednesday 3 July 2019

ALONG THE LONG LONG, A WONG WEI LONG* & A FIST OF STEEL

Run #1801 from the Carpenters Arms at Ilsingon with Bobby and Winfield

To the darkest depths of Ilsington we travelled for the trail of the unlikely pairing of Panzer Bobby and English knight Winfield - what would they have in store [sic] for us, we pondered... Rumours of macheted jungle and all terrain vehicles had spread like wildfire and we were prepared for anything that the Rottenführer could throw at us..
 
The circle roll call on a beautiful early summer's evening was forty one: Piltdown, Woof Woof, Beefy, Flasher, Winfield, Bobby, Teapot, GM Shitfaced, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Soapy & Melon Picker, Doris & Rambo, Pan Fart & Bush Baby and Wiki, 69, SatNav, 3Sum, Manpig, Forrest, Able, Fukarwi, WJ, Manopause (back from leg wound), Erection, Fallen Woman & Broken Man, Hagen Daz and Harry, Pork Torpedo & Hornie, Pisswell, Slip on Me, BB, BroadS, SM Ellie, Piddler, Wiggy and Archangel.
A newbie, Wiki (daughter of Pan Fart & Bush Baby) was presented and duly flour initiated by Teapot. Then the hares were summoned and the chaos Shirley began..

The G & T that Bobby had been regaled with post lay, courtesy of Broken Man and Fallen Woman's fully equipped camper, had Shirley further addled the tank commander's brain and he embarked upon a garbled explanation of the trail. 'I thought that the long was getting too long so I've marked a long long (LL) as well as the normal long, so if you don't want to go too long take the long and not the long long..' long sigh. At this point, Winfield was seen slowly edging away, hoping to disassociate himself from the impending travesty.

Never mind, Oh Dearly Resigned to Their Fate, and we were sent on our way into the Ilsington Twilight Zone and the mayhem materialised Mavis at the first check but twenty metres away. Scouts were sent up and down the hill and shouts of 'ON ON' were heard from both directions until Winfield directed the hapless hash down the rock strewn Simms Hill.

A scuffed mark seemed to direct us into a crop field and the cry 'Hard a port!' took several over the gate but Manopause decided that it didn't look promising and the crestfallen Bat was hauled back to be admonished by Forrest.

Spilling out onto the road and there was Bobby Woll's Panzer, blending in perfectly with the Higher Sigford bocage. Bobby, admiring his handiwork, shouted encouragement and direction to Manpig, who promptly veered the Wong Wei Long* and had to be recalled.

Just at this early stage, Woof Woof appeared, her progress being impeded somewhat by lack of a chatting companion. Determined not to be left trailing in her wake (again) the Bat ran alongside and unwittingly became the foil for Woof Woof's extended commentary.

From then on, the miles ticked by in a carousel of ever-changing terrain and scenic wonders never before seen by the hash. Only about two miles in and a little huddle of longs debated whether a faded mark was indeed the mythical LL - little realising that it was five metres away around the corner... sigh

The trail plunged downwards through woods, culminating with a nasty little drop - deliberately arranged by the wily Woll. Not too much of a problem for Beefy, Manpig or Woof Woof but the Bat didn't like the look of it one little bit. As if sensing his imminent doom, Beefy stepped forward and braced himself with steely fist outstretched to arrest the plummet of the fluttering Bat. Sav-ed for now..

Nettles invigorated, trailing brambles ripped bare flesh and the blood flowed, creating a true vampire bat. Yes, we were hashing, Oh Dearly Good To Be Alive..

Manpig kept me going and raised my spirits with an encouraging 'Why don't you die, you skinny b*****d!' That's what mates are for, Shirley.

Was that the SS where Bobby and parked Panzer were at the entrance to the farm? I was too wiped out to notice but I recall Beefy taking a group photo and Bobby saying we were nearly half-way, and off we went again, in search of more adventure. Woof Woof lamented at every arrow 'We want more checks!' but she Shirley meant me as she had glided serenely throughout, untroubled by the terrain.
 
Round a corner and there was the Grand Master, complete with Moses staff leading his Parkies T Humper and I-Poo'd out of the wilderness to the Promised Land.
 
Over hill, dale, track and stream the long longs endured: Beefy taking plenty of action pics, Woof Woof chatting away, Flasher fresh from the Devon Orienteering Champs., Manpig on a charge and a bleedin' Bat with Fukarwi and Wet Johnny also long longing bringing up the rear - warriors all.
 
Under a fallen log and Hornie, Fallen Woman, SatNav and 3Sum appeared, Shirley we were nearing home but then, just as Woof Woof had noted, there was the sting in the trail [sic] - the final L/S split.
Over a stile, down through the woods and break hard for the Ilsington highway dead ahead and then the trail went Ice Cold In Alex, Oh Dearly Fallen At The Last Fence... and for the second time, the hash huddle convened to pool their accumulated wisdom, Winfield. 
 
Many minutes later and even with WJ and Fukarwi contributing, no reasonable strategy could be decided upon, Yes, Oh Dearly The Clock Has Beaten Us, it was time to go to the pub and do what we do Courage Best.

Die-hards Beefy, Woof Woof ('I hate giving up') and Flasher continued (successfully in the end) to search for the mysterious missing marks. Manpig eventually found the last check and OH and after some eighty minutes of running and nigh on seven miles, we had finished. Well done Winfield and Bob**..

The Ernest Carpenter supping ale 3.8 abv slid down the throat easily and the hash grub at three sovs was value.

HARE COMMENTARY & DOWNDOWNS
Although Co-Hare Bobbiball had at the last moment changed the Long On-Home, forcing the pack on road instead of the great laid trail off road, this was a very testing scenic run up and down hills, through fields, Barley, woodlands over the old sliver mine workings, although none were spotted tonight!
Down Downs were awarded to the following offenders:-
SATNAV still not happy after complaining AGAIN that her latest Runs Badge is overdue!
FORREST this week... for losing his Awards polo shirt! and he's still not happy over this!
BOBBIBALL One for asking coyly if Forrest would like a Sweetie! is still thinking about his offer!
BOBIBALL again! for inventing a double LL long? route but two longs do not make it right!
 
* Hard to believe but Wong Wei Long is a Chinese Singaporean basketball player. Yes Weally, I mean really.
** Through clenched teeth!
 
It was quite a run over rare virgin territory and proved ultimately to be a Bobby and Winfield triumph. The long longs gave Archangel a run for his money for time on their feet and it was great to be able to nearly keep up with such strong running hashers and harriet.
 
ON ON to next week and the London Inn at Shaldon TQ14 0DN with Piltdown & Georgy P'Orgy

Wednesday 26 June 2019

TVH COMES OF AGE, THE STAFF OF MOSES & DIDN'T THE LADS DO WELL

RUN #1800 Monday 24th June Circle in Station Rd Car Park Bovey Tracey. OD The Dolphin Inn with Runner Bean & Co

And they came to Bovey me luvvies, to be part of the fabric that is Teign Valley HHH's history - our glorious 1800th run. Fate's fickle finger had decided - most appropriately - that the Grammar lads would host the party, the young bright future of a healthy and vibrant hash.

Let's get stuck in straight way to celebrate the Monster 7.9 mile Hash that the lads served up. Singalong with me now:

We did the hash
We did the monster hash,
The monster hash,
For two it was nearly a graveyard smash
We did the hash 
It caught on in a flash..

Now back to the beginning of the saga Oh Dearly Agogified*..

Circle recalled: Woof Woof, Alice (second run for TVH), Bobby, Wigwam, Teapot, Winfield, GM Shitfaced, Piltdown, Georgy P, WJ, Erection, Hagen Daz & Harry, Flasher, Plonker, Runner Bean, Ollie, Forrest - (no G-string as she's got a puppy so no contest), Hornie & Pork Torpedo, 69, Only Here, I-Poo'd, Slobbadog, Just Cummin, T Humper, Manpig arriving in pose car of the lady wife, Beefy, Fukarwi, Able, Doris & Rambo, Archangel, virgin Will (not at the circle, brought along by Flasher), Polyfella, Coldtits, SM Ellie, BroadS, Wide Receiver, BB, Soapy, Melon Picker, Zoot, Hotlips, Poacher, Slip on Me, Fishbait & Small Fry, SatNav, 3Sum, Fallen Woman & Broken Man, Pan Fart & Anita, Paraprick and Deep Semen. Fifty six I made it after scanning the footage and a great evening we would have to remember for this 'Coming of Age' by TVH!

The glorious landmark was the moment that the Grand Master decided to reveal his party piece [sic] upon an unsuspecting circle and impressive it Shirley was, Oh Dearly Got Carried Away... mayhap inspired after a viewing of Moses parting the Red Sea with staff raised, the GM proudly paraded his hand hewn badge of office.

Zoot was busy dispensing the 1800 run shirts and Wide Receiver, he of the go faster haircut, was catching up with other hashers in his first appearance this year, I think.

A lucky guess secured the GM's bottle of Prosecco which was awarded to Hornie at the Dolphin later.  The Vice President interrupted proceedings to show that there was indeed 'life in the old dog' yet though his macho attentions were not appreciated that much by the unfortunate recipient.

The hare and assistants were huddled together making last minute adjustments to their trail plan and Runner Bean announced a six and a half (he didn't want to create a panic by revealing the true length) mile long trail to stifled gasps from the gallery plus a four mile short and a two mile walkers' trail. Three L/S splits AND a beer stop with surprises, WHOA! The lads know how it's done - let's rock 'n' stroll... and the 1800th party was underway.

It was Piccadilly Circus as the longs met up with the local running group going up the narrow lane at the start and we soon arrived at the make your minds up junction veering up to the swimming pool and cricket club.  Ollie suddenly appeared and he seemed on a roll as we trustingly followed. 'Why are we following him?' enquired Woof Woof. 'He's one of the hares - well, a friend of one of the hares...'  Down an unknown bridlepath we plunged and it was going like a Clockwork Orange until Ollie came charging back... sigh.

Then the Long and Winding Road beckoned and the cream floated serenely to the top.. Beefy and Wide FRBing**, Polyfella, Ollie and WJ close behind and the rest of the hash strung out from Here to Eternity, Oh Dearly Good To Be Alive.  The shorts merged stage right with Winfield still on cruise control, Melon Picker having a gogo on this auspicious evening, 69, 3Sum and Satnav a mere blur (trouble with the ol' mince pies) and it was going so well, Wally.

Pausing awhile to gather breath at the Haytor road crossroads (1.8 miles in) Oh Dearly Have Shot Their Bolts Already and Woof Woof and young Alice loomed large in the rear wing mirror. I will not report the words spoken by the Bat when joined but he had cause to regret them soon after... They were running very well though and disconcertingly chatting away to each other all the time as Beefy confirmed later.

The petrol gauge blinked red on the climb to Yarner Wood and the Bat began to look for the exit - and we were only 2.4 miles in - it was Shirley going to be a fight to get round and boy was I glad to see Fukarwi as the lights began to dim.

Having a running buddy really helps take your mind off the pain and though still near the action - Ollie and Wide doing the checking, we were eventually left far behind, Oh Dearly Deserted...

Leaving the joy of the woods loop we embarked on the not so beautiful climb back uphill from whence we had come and the rapidly becoming desperate (Fukarwi fearing he was going to be late to pick up his son and the Bat fearing he was going to fall over) duo hatched a survival plan: 'Let's find the next signpost!' And there it was at the summit pointing to Bovey and salvation down the hill and the trail true left towards the golf club. Yes, it had to be done, Oh Dearly Bailing Out and gently down to the town centre we coursed but we had missed what reportedly was a brilliant BS and GS high up above Bovey. Never mind, we had covered six miles which wasn't too bad and the Bat had lived to hash another day.

The Jail revived as we awaited the main body of the hash and we did have the whole of the front room to ourselves. Bobby was intently studying a map and was confident that he knew how to get to Ilsington for his and Winfield's hash next week..

Soapy had crafted a simply magnificent TVH 1800 cake for the occasion and it tasted as good as it looked - take a bow Soapy, you Shirley deserve it.

Forrest's chat up line to Just Cummin as she asked to try on the Hawaiian jacket cannot be reported here on this family show, though it was along the lines of a song from the Rodgers & Hammerstein Musical Carousel***. Ask Forrest next week, he'll be wearing it plus a natty shirt I've heard...

Just remembered a couple of other things I missed out:
Biggest cheer of the evening was for Archangel who arrived after the DDs - that was a long time on your feet and also wasn't it great to see Rambo stand up and say a few words to the hash. Yes, a brilliant evening.

DOWNDOWNS
A great anniversary run with Hares Runner Bean & Co who had laid a great choice of trails out and around Bovey along the footpaths lanes fields and woodlands with a novelty sweet stop and plenty of cake and cider to energise us.
Our 1800th Awards were presented to:
PILTDOWN MAN (Horsey horse face hat) for unicorn abuse at the Sweet Stop.
FORREST STUMP for "losing" the Pillock Shirt.
ONLY HERE FOR the BEER (Bat hat substituting for the Viking Horns hat) for not stopping to give Manpig a lift.
Anita now for ever to be known as BUSH BABY after falling in the bushes.
SATNAV a DD for her birthday
RUNNER BEAN (ceremonial Bat Hat)  DD on behalf of his team for an excellent evening - thank you all!

* Not a dictionary entry but nevertheless in use.
** You know what I mean Shirley.
*** June is Bustin' Out All Over!

Well, Oh Dearly Beloved, our 1800th hash lived up to expectations and more thanks to the dedication and hard work of Runner Bean and company. Didn't the lads do well!

ON ON to next week and The Carpenters Arms at Ilsington TQ13 9RG with Bobby

WEEKLY SUBS PAYERS

It would be appreciated if those hashers that pay £1 a week when they attend rather than the £30 a year subscription could bring their one pound to the circle and pay Pisswell before the run. It is not much fun for her to chase hashers in the pub for payment. Many thanks for your cooperation. 🙂

MISMANAGEMENT UPDATED AGPU APRIL 4 2022

Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
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R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
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Social Sec Wet Johnny
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HASH SUBS 2023

This years membership, which is due now is £30 Alternatively, you can pay £1 per week when attending. Samantha Zimbler Hash cash Threesum. On line payments Account name: TEIGN VALLEY HASH House Harriers Sort Code: 55-70-01 Account number: 69068186 Reference: your hash name

TVH3 HABERDASHERY LINK

JESSE'S DD FROM THE TALLY HO!

EXPLANATION OF ARCHIVE TVH3 SITES

GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.

Fukarwi

Fukarwi

REARENDER

REARENDER

TEAPOT

TEAPOT

SOAPY

SOAPY

MOULDY DICK

MOULDY DICK

MELONPICKER

MELONPICKER

FALLEN WOMAN

FALLEN WOMAN

DORIS

DORIS

BROKEN MAN

BROKEN MAN

ARCHANGEL

ARCHANGEL

ABLE SEMEN

ABLE SEMEN

Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

SC