Haunting Memories of Trail 1818 from The Keyberry Decoy with Hares Soapy & Melon Picker

Another big turnout with more virgin Hashers welcomed, plus the return of long absent "Doc". Most of the pack were in Halloween Dress, with the trail starting with a route around Decoy plus the steps and hills of Wolborough, before we finally emerged into Newton Abbot. Greeted here by hoots from passing cars! as we arrived at Teign Cellars bar. This was a great Drinks stop,with time to try to discover just who was who under those masks?

Soon On-On again back towards The Keyberry, where after more refreshments, including some much appreciated food in was time for the...

 

AWARDS this evening which were presented to the following....

 

"Sugar Puff" who tried to present his forgotten Hat to someone else but failed!

"Soapy" joint Hare for that trail including reminding us of the five something! (Gold rings?)

A naming for Claire now for even to be known as "Unihorn"

Double Birthday awards to "I.Pood" and "Small Fry" congratulations!

"Only here for the Beer" who finally reaches 100Runs! now has decided only to drink water?

 

Well done the Hares a great trail and evening! 

 

On-On to next week at The Church House Inn,Stokeinteignhead, Newton Abbot TQ12 4QA. with Hare: Bluebird!

MASSACRE AT THE COURT FARM INN

Run #1817 Monday 21st October from the Court Farm Inn, Abbotskerswell with Piddler & Going Down

Friends, Hashers, virgins, lend me your ears; I come to bury Piddler, not to praise him.

Oh miserable day that I should recount such a tale of woe and misfortune.

Not since the Mongol hordes of Genghis Khan swept across the plains of Asia has such a catastrophic event been visited upon our noble hash, Oh Dearly Beloved and it is my painful duty to relate and thus record the fateful evening for posterity.

Great tales of wonder had spread across the hashing fraternity of Piddler's magnificent trail from the same venue for South Hams - only he hadn't laid it - Going Down had and Piddler had graciously accepted the plaudits with doffed sombrero. Perhaps not heeding the adage 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it' Piddler had added a few tweaks to the trail, hopeful that his reputation would further be enhanced. But read on, you faithful and see how it unravelled, I mean unfolded...

No Grand Master as he had been matching pints with that legendary drinker Jim Davidson up in Liverpool but, even with so many regulars missing, Winfield & Teapot recorded sixty two at the circle and it will be miraculous indeed if I can recall that many:

Winfield, Teapot, Georgy, Piltdown, Going Down, Piddler, Mateus Rose, Twinkletoes, Rise 'n' Shine, Teararse, Zorro, Grinder, Deep Throat, Beefy, BroadS, SM Ellie, Camel Foot, Sugar Puff, Mark, TT, SatNav, Soapy, Melon Picker, Rambo, Doris, Forrest, Wood Lend, virgins four - Chris, Lara, Tatum and another Chris, Bobby, Dozy Parrot, Wetfart, All Over The Place, Slip on Me, Shirelle, Wet Johnny, Erection, Fukarwi, 69, Palmolive, Wash n Dry, Allo Vera, Fallen Woman, Gaga4It, U Bend, Archangel, Coldtits, BB, Plonker, Pisswell, Hagen Daz, Budgie Smuggler, Fishbait, Small Fry, 56 listed so missing but half a dozen.

Pleased to be able to report that Broken Man had his knee op on Monday and okay, look forward to seeing him back with the hash soon.

The circle was but the forerunner of the impending doom as notice after notice - all deserving of mention - were relayed to the waiting multitude:

A failed down down for Mateus Rose on being presented with her 50 Run badge, the DD eventually being taken by All over the Place.

Soapy reminding all to wear fancy dress for next week's Halloween Hash from the Keyberry.

Fukarwi giving final reminder for Saturday's Oktoberfest from Broadhempston Village Hall (that's a pint you owe me Fukarwi)

Forrest rescheduling his famous Firework and Bonfire hash to November 11th, swapping his Nov 4th slot with Bluebird.

No dogs in the bar!

Finally, much later than usual, Piddler outlined the scheme: A long, a medium, a short and a walkers' trail - ambitious indeed but Piddler, flushed with Wednesday's success had little notion that it would be the toilet that would be flushed in the next two or so hours...sigh

For the first time ever, I was consigned to the short trail due to continuing injury, but I was holding out little hope of completing..

Skipping maniacally and waving his fork-ed stick, the wingless Bat joined the Shorts' party, safe in the knowledge that old hands Winfield, Fallen Woman and U Bend were alongside.

A cross - from presumably Wednesday - halted proceedings after about a hundred yards but the Bertie's Band* were soon back on trail and Sugar Puff (I think) was our trail blazer.  Up off road to a fork and Sugar Puff waited as no check to be seen. 'It has to be straight on!' cried SatNav but at a fork it was debatable what constituted straight on. But never mind, this happy band of shorts ploughed right and Shirley enough, the marks resum-ed.

At the top of the path was a road and still no check. Scouts were despatched and when one returned, it was wagons roll to the right and here, Oh Dearly Distraught, the wheels came off (the wagons). Confusion, thy name is Shirley hash and horses neighed and reared as conflicting calls were sounded in the deep recesses of darkest Whiddon.

Oh the pain, the pain, the almost unbearable pain** and I'm not talking about the trail - the hip had tightened and with the uncertainty, the Bat wasn't prepared to risk it and saluting sharply, turned and retraced his faltering footsteps.

A mournful cry from Winfield drifted back: 'They've found it, call them back!' And Shirley enough, a knot of head torches could be seen, far, far away down the valley. 'Let me know how you get on!' was the rejoinder as a tidy number had already gone beyond recall.

Hobbling back down the path, the longs were approaching after successfully completing their first section but they were to encounter what the shorts had previously...

Plonker was going like a steam train and, a few yards behind, Deep Throat was being given a real run for his money. Beefy was also bang there with these two speed kings and there was a yawning gap back to the pursuers.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch house and reclining languidly on a bench, Piddler awaited what would Shirley be more praise for his efforts. A neat array of marks had been set out in front of him on the road, indicating a long, medium and walkers' split.

The first inkling that Piddler had of the catastrophe was when a heavily limping messenger arrived to give the not so glad tidings. Unperturbed, Piddler consulted his tech and explained patiently that the marks were sound and we shouldn't have gone Pete Tong.

Most unfortunately, the shorts, spearheaded by Winfield arrived from where the longs and mediums should have and the scale of the calamity gradually unfolded to Piddler's disbelief.

The good news was that the walkers had encountered no problems but the bad news was that hashers had been set upon by hordes of enraged wasps - which I hasten to add was definitely not Piddler's fault.

Sugar Puff, Zorro, Grinder and Deep Throat were laid low but levity aside, dear Rise n Shine had an allergic reaction to her sting on the arm which we all trust will clear up.

The DDs had to be delayed until 9:40pm as longs were still absent - WJ and Erection being out for about two hours.  Going Down took charge of the grub laid out on the pool table and potential freeloaders were thwarted as she held onto the plates until money had been deposited - well done indeed.

Did Piddler fall on his sword?  Of course not, he held out well and was still explaining as he donned the 'I Am A Pillock' shirt - what a hero and the stuff of legend. Te saluto Piddler, I salute thee!

The pub was good with Legend, Otter and Tribute - all hasher favourites - on tap. The head barman would not divulge his name (it was Max) but appeared miraculously with a pint of Leg End whenever he saw me wave from the next bar.

* All sorts

** Lost In Space series 1965 - loved it!

POSTSCRIPT

A weird and wonderful evening with TVH and what tales there were to tell back at the pub. Bobby and I know only too well how things can go wrong, whatever efforts are made to ensure a great trail. Winfield hit the nail on the head when he stated that there were no hares on the trail to guide. Going Down could not as her blisters were still not healed from Wednesday and Piddler, attired in 'normal' clothes, evidently could not either, so it was just unfortunate. However, a great time was had by most (Rise n Shine excepted) and thanks go to both Piddler and Going Down for their hard work. It's not easy being a hare..

WINFIELD'S TRAIL MEMORIES Laid ! as neither of the Hares were with us on Trail? This did cause queries on the Long, Short and Walkers trails with the Short, who after 200yds met an old X, with all alternative routes failing. Some marks did eventually lead us up a steep stony track to more unmarked lanes! The large pack split here some returned, while others headed on eventually finding a route along a flooded track to open fields with plenty of shiggy! tracks and gates. This did eventually lead us back into Abbotskerswell where some retired, while others carried on around the village, with the Long still out-there somewhere? We trust that the 5 or so virgin Hashes did enjoy this unusual experience?

The Down Down awards were presented to the following:

Mateus Rose for her 50 Runs badge! when we finally caught up with her at the Circle! (but she did not drink up)

Piddler held fully responsible for that trail!

Sugar Puff, he and many others complained of being stung by a flea,wasp, or was it giant Hornets ? Forrest Stump for invading the church yard!

Fukawe is timed after receiving his 300Runs badge at last! Well done the Hares for a very different trail !!

On-On to next week its Halloween Dress for Soapy & Mellon Pickers trail from The Keyberry Decoy Newton Abbot .(TQ12 1DQ) (remember to bring cash for a drinks stop part way round)

#1817 Court Farm Abbotskerswell

The Offenders drink up with Piddler still trying to workout which way to wear the Best Pillock Award for the year!

7

Trail 1816 from The Church House Inn at Marldon

 Plenty of rain around but also some refreshing Drinks on route
Satnav who mistook the love heart on this Pillock shirt for a rude symbol?

Piltdown Man...a man to be looked up to! for causing confusion on the Longs trail !

                            

PILTDOWN'S YELLOW SUBMARINE, HE'S THE 'LEDER' & KISS ME QUICK AT THE KISS GATE

Run #1816 Monday 14th October from the Church House Inn at Marldon with Piltdown & Georgy

 

A feeling of impending doom lay heavy upon mine soul. This hash, for me at least, would be a test of survival, Oh Dearly About to be Stretchered Off...

 

The TVH Watersports club were in business yet again at muddy Marldon and the hares' despair [sic] continues Oh Dearly Lovers of Mud..

 

Piltdown set off at 4pm and was upbeat re the underfoot conditions: 'It was mild and there was only a spell of heavy drizzle on the lay..' but then, have you ever known Piltdown to be downcast?

 

Chariot congestion cometh the death as hashers sought a space in the lanes, oblivious to the fact that the Church House's CP could take many more chariots - the packed council pay car park in front deceiving some.

 

Tricky getting numbers as most heavily hooded and rain-jacketed - Teapot calling thirty three but at least forty at the circle, leaving Teapot scratching his head.

I can only list thirty eight as follows:

 

Teapot, GM Shitfaced, Winfield, Piltdown, Georgy, 69, Avatar, GaGa4It, Pisswell, Big End, Well Hopped, Soapy, Melon Picker, SatNav, 3Sum, Hotlips, Zoot, 'Leder' Polyfella, Fukarwi, Beefy, Hornie, Pork Torpedo, Rambo, Doris, Only Here, Erection, BroadS, SM Ellie, Manpig, Artful Dogger, BB, Wigwam, Able, Fishbait, Small Fry, Zorro, Fallen Woman, Teararse  Not sure if they ran but Slip on Me and Archangel were at the pub.

 

Late indeed was the circle after the chariot chaos and fidgety were the longs who, shades of Mark Antony, were anxious to 'let slip the dogs of war'...

 

The shorts and walkers headed for Church Hill while the longs were directed through the council CP and around a silly soddy [sic] lap of the community park. Exiting the 'how could we have fallen for that old trick again' field and there was the Grand Puppeteer gleefully pulling our strings - we would be seeing a lot more of him soon - how soon? Very soon...sigh.

 

Whilst the shorts and walkers were rural bound, for the longs an urban jungle network of alleyways  unfolded with many a check designed to keep the pack together - anathema for the FRBs.  The old firm of Manpig, Fukarwi and the Bat were joined by a strong-running Erection and all was going swimmingly [sic] until things went awry.  

 

A stile was negotiated - and, unless there's a check, cross or arrow you keep straight on being the rough trail rule.  Across the field, over a fixed gate (under for me as by now virtually crippled) and - not a sausage - or mark.

 

Manpig's not the sort of hasher to give up easily and with teeth gritted he sallied into the darkness. Eventually, we had to call him back from what was clearly a muddy and sticky wicket. As we turned, a horrible sight met our anguished eyes - the longs had arrived in some strength. We had tarried too long, all was lost - including the trail.

 

Seldom have I seen so many hashers together halfway into the run and a glittering array of head torches were impressive indeed.

 

Pork was so pleased to see me he Torpedoed my already death-riddled body with many a jovial threat but there were (as always) a few comforting words from Hornie: 'He doesn't mean it BB' 'Oh yes I do!' sigh.

 

It nearly got hairy with the dairy herd encountered as we searched for clues and Beefy kept my spirits raised with our usual trail banter.

 

With so many searching, a way was finally found across the treacherous quagmire and I passed the time following Polyfella with - and please singalong with me Oh Lederhosen* Lovers Everywhere - and remember to pronounce it as 'laider' to get the full effect:

 

He's the leder, he's the leder, he's the leder of the gang, he is

He's the leder, he's the leder, well, there's no one like the hasher he is He can take you high as a kite every single night

You'd better believe it... No? Well...

 

At a farmyard junction the trail returned to its mysterious quality and shouts from all compass points came back to the faithful shiggy survivors.

 

A mocking cry of 'ON-ON!' echoed across the morass and then it was but a brief climb to Piltown's Yellow Submarine, seemingly beached at the edge of a newly formed road lake.

 

You can only have so much fun and I was earnestly looking for the exit. Piltdown indicated that we were only a half mile from the beer and I limped off, a Bat barely alive.

 

To my dismay, I saw some hashers turn off the road ahead - back onto the short trail!  After several calls of ON BACK! Erection reappeared but I didn't know that Big Ned**, little Ned and Well Hopped were also aways down the lane. But never mind, I was relieved to make it back under my own steam and not be rescu-ed..

 

Safe and snug in Ye Olde Church House, I heard tell of a 'Kiss Me quick at the Kiss Gate' game - which harriets were encouraged to play. I wonder who thought of that?

 

Such was my pain and discomfort mid-trail, I thought I was having a discussion with Well Hopped about running shoes but it transpired it was Pisswell - but  thanks Pisswell, it took my mind off things for a while.

 

After having a Naked Lady last week, I quite fancied a Wild Blonde IPA 4.4 abv and she didn't disappoint.  The cheesy chips  were tasty (thanks Winfield & Pisswell) if not a tad pricey at 4 1/2 sovs agogo but the staff were easy on the eye and friendly so what the heck - a nice venue to revisit once more.

 

Well done and thanks Piltdown and Georgy for another very muddy trail - if it had been a horse racing card, it would have been abandoned!

 

POSTSCRIPT

You were so right about what my injury was, Fukarwi, even before it happened on trail. Quite painful walking down the path on getting home Monday night but couldn't even walk Tuesday.

 

*Ask Polyfella when you see him next.

**An apt anagram

 

WINFIELD'S TRAIL MEMORIES

Drying out Memories! on Trail 1816 from The Church House Inn Marldon with Hares: Piltdown Man & Georgy P-Orgy.

Another wet Monday, but a great turnout in-spite of this! The pairs trail from a venue we had not visited for many moons, proved to be a wet,slippery and very muddy one in places. But on a damp evening, it was good to be out getting some exercise. My knee was still not up to running with the Longs, but with guidance from Satnav who knew the area well, along with Mellon Picker, we tripped and staggered our way across fields along the J Musgrave trail to Aptor followed by an even muddier track up and down along Adaptor Lane to the Ipplepen road.

Emerging at last only to find wall to wall flood water! and an abandoned vehicle? this fortunately was Piltdown and Georgy's Drinks stop where after a very reviving drink of homemade wine we headed on Home to dry off!

Well done! a great trail from the Hares on a very wet day!

 

DOWN DOWNS

The Awards from our 1816 Marldon trail were presented to the following offenders....

Satnav who mistook the love heart on this Pillock shirt for a rude symbol?

Piltdown Man...a man to be looked up to! for causing confusion on the Longs trail !

Erection strikes a pose...for going back onto the short instead of straight ON Home.

Piltdown Man Steadying himself now..ready to take the "punishment" for all of that trail!

Fallen Woman who's time had arrived for another Birthday down-down!

Well done the Hares for laying a great trail in such poor weather, and a "warm" welcome at the Church House Inn.

 

ON ON to next week at Court Farm Inn Abbotskerswell (TQ12 5NY) with Piddler & Going Down

Offenders at the Lord Nelson...

8

NAKED LADIES GALORE & NOT BAREFOOT IN THE PARK MALARKEY

Run #1815 Monday 7th October from the Lord Nelson with GM Shitfaced assisted/steered by T Humper

Shirley it couldn't be another soggy short straw lay for the third week running [sic] as the intrepid hares set out out at 1 pm Monday afternoon under leaden skies. However, the hash gods on high did pause from their mischief making and the rains relented, Oh Dearly Give thanks...

A most valuable tip by the Grand Master was the late advice: 'Give yourself a bit extra time to find parking in surrounding roads!!' No luxury of the Park's car park here and I fear-ed the worst as I nosed over the sleeping policemen approach - but what's this - a space in the tiny three space 'car park' next to the Nellie? Shirley not! A check inside to ensure I was allowed to tether my chariot at point blank range and snug and smug indeedy was the Bat.  Teapot had also secured a spot above road next to the toilets in 'We'll tow you away if we're passing' territory.

Back and forth the chariots charged on their Ben Hur stadium sillies, describing ever increasing circles as they sought sanctuary, but eventually all were safely gathered in to finally make the circle outside the Nellie. Hallelujah!

The main guard of the hash was sorely depleted for one reason or another: Nary a Flying FRB sighted; Parkies unavailable as T Humper on Park duty and just a solitary Penner flying the Ipplepen pennant. But never mind, cometh the circle, came the extras and many an unfamiliar face surfaced to be noted in Teapot's roll.

Forty five at the circle with three late arrivals making forty eight in total:

GM Shitfaced, Winfield, Piltdown, Georgy, Pork Torpedo, Hornie, Teapot, Beefy, SM Ellie, Pan Fart, Bush Baby, Martin - yes, he came back, Grinder - nice to see you old son, Fukarwi, Prickly Bush, 3Sum, SatNav, Doris, Rambo, Hagen Daz, Budgie Smuggler, Zorro - he of Kirton not AH, Wet Johnny, TT, Mark, GaGa4It sporting another fine headwear creation, Kermit - hi, Big End, Well Hopped, Soapy, Melon Picker, Man Pig, Wigwam, Able, virgins three - Josh was one, sorry couldn't get the others, BB, Zoot, Hotlips, U Bend and Coldtits were the forty two identified from Beefy's footage though still half a dozen escaped my scrutiny..

Our glorious leader delivered his Waterloo epic spiel and all listened intently to the call to battle: A long, a short and a walkers' trail; two L/S splits; a SS AND a drinks stop.. it seemed more than reasonable and we were directed onto the stage to play out the drama, seemingly Fluder bound..

The Bat, aided and abatted [sic] by Big End and his trusty steed Ned, led the eager hash up the giddy Fluder ascent in true Grand Old Duke of York fashion.

Proudly did we advance, the longs with banners unfurled in all their fighting glory and magnificently did Brigadier Beefy surge past and we roared our defiance at battle joined but, alas, it was not to be, Oh Dearly Thwarted...

An absence of marks slowed the charge and suddenly a turn-off at the bottom of the hill was recalled. Wheeling our snorting steeds, the fatal cry of 'ON BACK!' was bugle blown and with barely concealed snarls of rage, we thundered back down the hill. Curses, you Grand Old Duke, foiled again.

A sharp descent down darkest Daccombe Mill Lane sorted the knights from the squires and then came the gentle ascent up Willowpark Lane to - yes, Oh Dearly We Should Have Known,  the top of Fluder Hill.. sigh.

Fishbait set Small Fry on me as I overtook, hissing 'Get him!' and the little lad only did and I was lucky to get away from the little terrier.

The Fluder debacle had really roughed up the order of play and the FRBs and longs were spread out in great disarray.  A heavy clattering of hooves astern just wouldn't go away and I greatly feared that Fukarwi had been putting in the miles again, but no, it was Wet Johnny 'aving a gogo. The Penner three - WJ, Manopause and Erection were on some sort of drastic weight-loss/get-fit mission and a slimmed-down WJ was already ready to rumble. Yet another approaching foot fall saw Grinder gently glide past on the incline.

Found out later that Well Hopped continues to have injury problems after her fall a fortnight ago - hope it gets better soon.

Darkest Daccombe and caliginous Coffinswell came and went with Manpig scouting well until choosing  wrong and was shuffled to the rear of the vanguard. Late arrival Coldtits suddenly appeared at the business end of the run, goodness knows how she had managed that manouevre.

Going off-road near Paraprick's drum and there he was, walking the dogs and had a quick word as we passed - Para and Maverick (yes, long time no see, old buddy) dropped by at the Nellie later.

Fleeing downhill betwixt the quarries, the FRBs WJ, Grinder and Beefy Mustaffa [Shirley sic] thought that the end was nigh and I requested an abandon ship at the Park turn-off, fearing that I would catch a chill if I tarried at the drinks stop too long.  Beefy nodded assent and half a mile later the Nelson loomed large with, as the hare had foretold, a fivish or so miles in the bag but, and it was a big BUT Beefy, I had missed the last L/S split and two miles of the long trail and was ignominiously relegated to the ranks of the shorts and walkers, oh the shame of it Shirley.. sigh.

The ever lurking whatamistakatomaka moment occurred as I vainly scoured the boot for a change of trainers, but being of unsound mind, I had forgotten my Blue Suede fliers and trying hard to look casual entered the pub sans footwear...Shirley they would not notice..

'Barefoot in the Park' (1967) would Shirley have been a triumph at our venue down the road a ways but we'll have to make do with Barefoot in the Nelson even though it doesn't have the same ring, Oh Dearly So Nearly a Classic...

First business of the evening is to inspect and choose the ale and next to the reliable London Pride the Naked Ladies caught my eye, as they Shirley do and I had to have one, the ale that is, but now you're getting me confused Oh Dearly Obsessed. Gentleman Fukarwi asked if he could have a Twickenham Ale rather than a Naked Lady - well you know what I mean. I wish I hadn't embarked on the Naked Ladies galore theme now..

The Grand Master and T Humper (trail and SS/shot stop at the Park) did us proud and the TVH hares' success story continues.

POSTSCRIPT

A bit of banter en routey:  'They couldn't have designed a better trail for me, love it!' quoth So Cruise to Wet Johnny. 'A good trail is when I don't have to listen to you!' came the biting rejoinder.  Oh well, he's probably right and I can see you nodding agreement out there. Lovely evening GM, thank you..

WINFIELD'S TRAIL MEMORIES

Memories of trail 1815, on 7th October from The Lord Nelson Kingskerswell with Hare:Shitfaced and T.Humper!

First problem, where to park? ( no multistory yet!), experience here required an early arrival,which many of us remembered! even then it was a good walk from our final space!.

Another great turnout with more virgin Hashers joining in, as we headed off on a testing run up Fluder Hill, missing a turn into Daccombe! lane. It was On-On,on a very warm evening towards Coffinswell the long taking on 7 miles while the Walkers and Short did somewhat less thankfully!

An extra virgin trail! led us in through the front door of The Park Inn, with the Sweet and Drinks stop at the rear carefully set up by T.Humper. Refreshed hic! a final run in led to the Lord Nelson, with for more revving drinks plus an an excellent Chili con carne.

Offenders this evening were:-

FUKAWE- arriving very early and still missed a good parking spot!.

GA-Ga 4it- with matching blue nails! did not finish her DD, but hopefully remembered where her car was parked!

BLUEBIRD cannot believe it! another DD for keeping the carpet clean!

KERMIT waiting now, for that big moment after his speedy run.

3-SUM admires her 100runs achievement!

A great evening well done the Hares!

On-On to next week at The Church House Inn Marldon (TQ3 1SL) with Hares Piltdown Man & Georgy P-Orgy