TVH3 The Words for 18th April 2022 Run No. 1913

The Passage house Inn, Kingsteignton

"Wot - No Checks?" by Man-Pig

 

HARE: Screwed and Bella

 

Who wuz there: Screwed, Bella, Shitfaced, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Pollyfella, Only Here for the Beer, Piltdown Man, Georgy-Porgy, Smellie, Teapot, Rambo, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Coldtits, Piddler, Able Semen, Cheerio Beerio, Forrest Stump, Jonathan (virgin).

 

The Circle

As is frequently the case on Bank Holiday Mondays, numbers were a little down when compared against the usual turnout. This evening we had 19 hashers including a virgin brought along courtesy of the Hare. Shitfaced was back from a three week absence (must have been some 40th!) and welcomed all into the circle. Shitfaced gave an announcement regarding the following weekend's beer festival at Tucker's Maltings. Historically a group from the Hash has attended the beer festival on the Friday night. Shitfaced was planning on getting there around 3pm. 

 

However, details of what time the Hash should aim to get there will be posted on the Hash Facebook page. So, watch this space!

 

Then it was over to introduce the virgin - Jonathan.

Q. "Who made you cum?"

A. "Cath....errr, I mean Screwed"

and, with that, Jonathan was duly anointed with flour by Teapot.

Able Semen then stepped forward to remind all about the Friday 13th May hash weekend in Exeter. It is a pay-as-you-go affair. Just turn up and follow the marks. See Able in the pub for more details. From memory I think it is kicking off at 7.30pm from the Mill-on-the-Exe.

 

Screwed then came forward with details of tonight's trail. "There is a Walkers', a Shorts' and a Long's trail. Longs 6. Shorts 3. Walkers 2. The Longs' will join up with the Shorts' at St Michael's church. There are no checks. I couldn't be arsed". Absolutely clear instructions but, inevitably, they still befuddled poor old Piddler. 

 

"There is only one Long/Short split" seemed to clear the confusion i.e. don't do the Longs' or you're committed to an additional 3 mile loop.

 

The Trail

No checks. This was going to be novel. Well, not quite. Three years ago Fukarewe set a trail with no checks in Broadhempston but failed to tell anyone at the start. Screwed asked me to look after virgin Jonathan who would be doing the Longs'. Now Jonathan is young, athletic and carrying a backpack for extra weight. I rather feared that this was going to be a fast run, especially without any checks!

 

The trail took us onto the banks of the Teign estuary running back towards Kingsteignton through Hackney Marshes. When we arrived at the new cycle path, that links Newton Abbot to Kingteignton via the back of the racecourse, we came to the only Long/Short split. Most of pack went right on the Shorts' towards Kingsteignton. Jonathan and the Pig went left towards Newton Abbot. But who was that in front of us? Was it a Hasher? Whoever it was, he was motoring as we never caught him up. 

 

Only when we arrived at the sweetie stop did the penny drop. Our FRB was Polyfella who had obviously fully recovered from injury. Crikey, he was quick. No doubt on a mission to burn off all those extra calories consumed during high tea at the Ivy over the weekend.

 

The trail took us over the new cyclists/pedestrian footbridge at the northwest corner of the Brunel Industrial estate before following the lower parts of the River Lemon back towards Tuckers Maltings. Just before the Maltings the marks took us over an elderly cast iron footbridge and onto the tow path on the western side of the lower reaches of the Stover canal. We followed the tow path upto Jetty Marsh Road where we crossed and continued to follow the trail up the western side of the Stover canal upto Teign Bridges and Gallows Cross. 

 

The marks were excellent; frequent and closely spaced. I have never been on a trail that has been so well marked. However suspicion set in when, just before, Teign Bridges, we encountered runners coming in the other direction. I knew that Haldon hash were running from Twelve Twenty in Newton Abbot this evening. Was it possible that we had got on their trail by mistake and were running in the wrong direction? I didn't recognise any of the oncoming runners and they were motoring. I consigned myself to believe that they were probably Teignbridge Trotters.....too quick for hashers.

 

Sure enough, when we hit the old Exeter Road we came to an arrow. We were on trail and going in the right direction. Thus far the marks had been on both the left and right hand side of the trail. The marks took us onto the northern side of Exeter Road and then onto a brand new bit of cycle path and over a shiny new green bridge spanning the Teign. Jonathan's insider knowledge came to the fore. "Screwed did say that we went over a new bridge", so we were definitely on trail....but not for long. 

 

Somehow we missed a mark that would have taken us right and back into Kingsteignton via Broadway Road. Undaunted, Jonathan and the Pig pushed on and took the next right onto Chudleigh Road past the school and then hitting the centre of Kingsteignton on Newton Road. Due south to the Kings Arms where we picked up the trail again....much to the relief of Jonathan. Back on trail we followed the marks down Church Street before loosing them in the Churchyard. We retraced our steps to find the trail had run along the alleyway with Kingsteignton Bowling Club on it. This is really quite unique as a small stream runs all along this alleyway and the back of the houses can only be accessed by large granite (occasionally concrete) slabs that span the stream. Straight across Fore Street, past the Bell Inn and along Crossley Moor Road, still following the stream. 

 

At the roundabout, it was right and up Longford Lane, across another roundabout before turning left and up Longfield Avenue. Still we were climbing. Turn right into Gate Tree Close and then right and up some steps before finally arriving at the sweetie stop in the play park, the view point.....and Bella's favourite tree.

 

"Are you the last of the Longs?" asked Screwed.

"We are the only Longs", I answered innocently.

"No. You are not. Polyfella was here ages ago".

 

Ah. Question answered. The fast fella infront of us at the start of the Long/Short split was a hasher after all.

 

Having gobbled up most of the remaining sweets, hungry work this - running with no checks - it was follow the footpath out of the play park. 

 

Down Warecraft Road and then left and back onto Longford Lane before turning left onto Coombsend Road and crossing the footbridge over the A380. Rejoining Coombesend Road on the eastern side of the dual carriageway before turning right onto Coombesend Road East. Then it was across Teignmouth Road and follow the public footpath that skirts the edge of a large field above the Passage House Hotel. Just as we exited the field we caught up with Rambo at the "On Home" sign. We had just beaten the sunset and got back in daylight.

 

Despite the absence of checks, or more probably as a result of the absence of checks, it turned out to be a great runners trail - even if we never did catch up with Polyfella. The marks were quite the best I've ever seen on a trail. Frequent, yet discrete. And to round off a lovely run in daylight, Jonathan bought me a pint. You can come again young man!

 

The Down-Downs

Now, this is the bit that Bluebird usually edits and adds a bit of colour to the Pig's otherwise boring weekly episode of War and Peace. Regrettably, the Bird is poorly and I think that his Mum, on the cusp of her 100th birthday, is a tad under the weather too. Hence a no show from the Bird this evening. We wish them both a speedy recovery. The awards were a little thin on the ground as some of the previous week's recipients were absent.

 

First, a thank you to the pub for providing the Down-Downs. Then it was over to the awards for the evening's misdemeanours.

 

After some chat and grammatical corrections regarding the corrupt, corrupters and corruptees, Shitfaced awarded the Hashshit shirt to U-Bend. Apparently this was for impersonating the GM at last week's circle.

 

Teapot pulled the substitute Jester's hat from his bag and gave it to our RA for the night, Forest Stump. Forest then awarded it to Man-Pig.....something about pretty girls with big VW camper vans - or thereabouts. Man-Pig even had to sing his own "Hold it your hand Mrs Murphy...." song! What is the Hash coming to?

 

There were two spare beers - courtesy of the pub. The first spare beer was awarded to Forest Stump. This was because his dog, Perry, had a pee on Able Semen's tyres. A note for the "Tyre Slasher".

Finally the last down-down was awarded to Screwed for laying the trail. Crikey, didn't it go down quickly!

 

Next week

Bridford Inn with hare Forest Stump. That is the Bridford Inn in Bradford (hope he means Bridford!); not to be confused with the Cridford Inn which is not in Bridford!

 

On-On to next week if we don't all meet up at Tucker's Maltings beforehand!

TVH3 The Words for 11th April 2022 - Court Farm, Abbotskerswell - The Cloverleaf - Run No. 1912

by Man-Pig

HARE: Piddler

 

Who wuz there: Piddler, Going Down, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Only Here for the Beer, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Broadshit, Melonpicker, Soapy, Wash 'n' Go, Aloe Vera, Teapot, Wetfart, Beefy, Pisswell, Rambo, Fallen Woman, Coldtits, Tamsin (needs a name), U-Bend, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Manopause, Strap-On, Mrs Strap-On (now Strap-Dancer), Bobbiball, Screwed, Bella, Rise 'n' Shine, Mateus Rose, Teararse.

 

The Circle

In the absence of our GM, U-Bend was notionally earmarked as stand-in RA for the evening. Piddler's main concern seemed to be filling out a questionnaire regarding who wanted a hot buffet and Pisswell was now taking money.....still not sure what she was taking money for but she had gathered £4 by the end of the evening.

 

U-Bend welcomed everyone into the circle.....well, not quite everyone as Tamsin snuck into the last available car parking space just as the circle finished and Coldtits had yet to arrive. This was a bit of a shame as the Hares instructions were.....errrrrrrm......baffling. "For those people on the Longs, ignore the Longs' arrows!". Piddler then went on to befuddle the easily befuddled even more. "There are three loops. Each loop finishes back here at the pub. Make sure you return to the pub and I shall direct you onto the next loop".

 

The Trail

Well, the instructions sounded simple enough. However they were predicated on two assumptions:

1) that hashers would all make it back to the pub - not necessarily a given

2) that Piddler would, indeed, be back at the pub to offer his divine guidance.....hmmmmmmm

The Longs and the Shorts exited the pub car park via the pedestrian gate to the left of the entrance drive. We then wound our way onto Slade Lane in the centre of Abbotskerswell and the first Long/Short split/loop and confusion. There were marks on both sides of the road. Neither were dots. On one side of the road were lines of flour about a foot long. On the other side of the road there were similar lines but these were all accompanied by a flour "L". We assumed that the latter must be the return leg of the loop.

 

The Longs trail (if that was what we were on?) led us northwest along Slade Lane before bearing right and up Ford Road. Beefy was the FRB as the trail then went straight across Manor Road and followed the footpath uphill and across an open field. Well, this is not entirely accurate.

 

Up until 3 years ago, the footpath did run through an open field that was used for village fetes and children's games. For all practical purposes it was used as the village green. Now the footpath is fenced in on both sides. I don't know why it had been fenced in but it was a shame to pass the 3 large oak trees, now inaccessible, in the middle of the field. For many years I have run past these oaks and at least one of them has always had a swing or a rope hanging off its boughs for the children to play on........now nothing.

 

On Stoneman's Hill our first check. Beefy went left whilst Man-Pig checked right. Both were back checks. The only alternative was a dogleg and onto the public footpath that would take us down to Decoy Woods. This was going to be a long loop.

 

Wet-Johnny led the pack down into the edge of Decoy Brake and another check. Man-Pig went left only to find a false trail. Wet-Johnny had gone straight ahead into the woods and was now calling "On-On" just as the rest of the FRB's caught up. These comprised Broadshit and the remaining Penners - Erection and Manopause. Other regular Longs were not in sight. Smellie has a foot injury, Tamsin might still be recovering from Covid and Arkangel was on-trail but conducting it at a more leisurely pace.

 

I was now at the back of the Longs, but not for Long as the FRB's had overrun a junction and stumbled across another back check. I guessed that Wet-Johnny was in front of me but I never did see him again till the pub.

 

The trail skirted the south western edge of Decoy Woods. Upon exiting the woods onto a cart track we came to a check. Man-Pig was already checking out the public footpath that runs southwest along a hedgebank. Sure enough, at the end of the first field we came to the third mark, "On-On". We crossed the corner of the second field before entering the field with the deserted barn slap, bang in the centre of it. The last time we ran through this field it was planted with maize 6 feet tall.

 

The footpath rejoined tarmac on Priory Road. Behind me I could see Broadshit, Beefy and the Penners. No sign of Wet-Johnny though. Was he in front or behind?

 

Arriving back at Court Farm car park, I caught up with Screwed, Bella and Piltdown Man. They said that they'd been a little off trail and were doing their own thing. In the absence of any sign of Piddler in the pub car park I embarked on the second loop.

 

This took us into the churchyard and immediately right and along the footpath, crossing Corn Park Road before turning left onto Court Grange Road. The trail took us onto the homemade cycle cross track that runs parallel with the road for 200 yards. Back on tarmac and yet another back check (Piddler really likes these!). A track marked as a public footpath took us due south and almost to Whiddon Road and.....you guessed it.....another back check! Back down the flooded footpath that we've hashed along many times in the past.

 

At the end of the perpetually flooded section of track, we turned right and through a galvanised steel pedestrian gate. This had us traversing the two fields that took us back to the pub on Wilton Way. This time Piddler was present!

 

Q. "Where have you been Man-Pig?"

A. "Decoy Woods and then the second loop through the graveyard"

"You fool. You've done the third loop second"

"Well. You weren't in the car park to give directions!"

 

With that, Piddler imparted the divine wisdom that had me on the third/second loop down Grange Road before joining Wilton Way and bearing right past the Butchers Arms. I wonder if it will ever reopen as a pub? The out and return legs took us up a track that then narrowed into a footpath. It was just getting dark and two torches were coming towards me. It was Smellie and Anne on the Walkers trail. A quick "Hello" and "Goodbye" and it wasn't long before I was in a field and catching up with Arkangel just below the power pylons. We were having a quiet conversation about Exeter Chiefs' win over Munster when the peace was shattered by the Pillock with the small horn. Bluebird was wandering around parts of the trail blowing his horn. Exiting the field, we came to the final check which had been kicked out to the right to the final (or should that be second?) return leg.

 

The idea of setting a trail in the shape of a clover leaf is inspired. However, it will always need co-ordination at its centre. It almost worked. The publicised distance of 5 miles wasn't far off. My elderly, and occasionally dodgy, Garmin recorded 5.43 miles; probably not far off the mark.

 

Well done Piddler. You nearly pulled it off. Now, where is Coldtits?

 

The Down-Downs

Hashshit shirt absent as it is with Shitfaced.

 

Jester's hat from Manopause to Wet-Johnny for not shouting "On-On".....He's the meanest. He sucks etc.

 

Wet-Johnny gives baby bat hat to Beefy for wearing dodgy leather gloves on trail. A note for the rapist.

Piddler a very slow down-down for setting the trail.

 

Anne gets named Strap-Dancing.

 

Next week

Passage House Inn, Kingsteignton with Screwed as hare - no doubt assisted by Bella.

On-On to next week.

A WARM FRONT PEDALS IN

Run #1911

Each week I scan the Strava pages to study TV hashers' trail adventures. This week, I was drawn to Beefy's stats from the AGPU trail. It seemed to be a sustained run, averaging 8:15 mile pace over undulating terrain.

I was puzzled as this week there didn't seem to be any FRB's who could have kept him company and Beefy is not known for blasting a 'solo' (unlike some I shall not mention).

 

Upon enquiring, all became clear. Read on, Oh Dearly Want to be Informed for Beefy's 'View from the Longs' ...

 

I am, as some know, wont to be tardy leaving a Hash CP, and this week was no different, having taken a video and faffed about trying to make the Strava work.

 

So who were the Longs? Well, I caught up with, and passed: Pisswell, Arkangel, Erection and Manopause before the first check. In the distance was Warm Front. But what was this?... none of the usual suspects: Big End, Well Hopped, the 'Bird, the 'Pig and WJ himself, were missing.

 

Nothing for it but to try to catch Warm Front. Easy! WF checked into a field and I ran on to find three dots. I started to run back to call "On" but, the pack had run past the check with no WF in sight.

I heard later that Manopause had used his insider knowledge and sent the pack on without even stopping to kick out!

 

On we went, into the 'burbs of Ipplepen city where WF caught up and passed us all as I went into a cul-de-sac (and back out). I managed to stay with WF as we reached, and crossed Totnes Road, entered Marldon Road and turned off, into a lane which took us behind Dainton golf centre.

 

Apparently, WF had pedalled ten miles to be at the Hash but, to my embarrassment, she showed no sign of tiring as she skimmed effortlessly the surface of the roads. We traded checks as we continued along Whiddon Road and crossed Totnes Road again at the Two Mile Oak.

 

I had to work hard to keep up (which I failed to do, much of the time) as we coursed the very well marked Trail back to Moor Lane and the On Home. 

 

I recorded 5.3 miles, which I topped up afterwards. It was a very enjoyable Trail and a credit to the Hares. 

 

On On. Beefy

Run number 1911 4th April 2022

With no Blue Bird or Man Pig to write the words tonight

Shitfaced asked for volunteers, I though…… then said “alright”.

‘Twas good to see our GM back, no covid ill effect,

A smallish circle gathered round present and correct.

19 hashers came tonight to attend the AGPU

(Warm Front even cycled here to join ‘the chosen few’).

On the edge of Ipplepen, met at the football club

(Wet Johnny did the food tonight - Cheaper than a pub).

Wet Johnny also laid the trail, such a busy fella

Still quite light and nice n dry, no need for an umbrella.

Longs and shorts and walker’s trails all clearly laid in flour

Laid on the right, 3 and on – be back in ‘bout an hour.

The lycra boys (and girls) ran off, leaving us still standing

Uphill back along the road at first we found demanding.

Then narrow path the other side, ran along the road

The L/S split laid in flour, direction clearly showed.

All along to Two mile Oak and crossed the road once more

And followed signs to Denbury, flour arrows on the floor.

The fast front runners out of sight, with Ubend I now run

We were first to reach the checks and checked them every one.

Got it wrong the first time and the second time as well

On trail the hedgerows filled with primroses and bluebell.

Looking over shoulder saw Warm Front close behind

(she is an elite runner you’ve got to bear in mind).

Then on her heels was Beefy trying to get home first

‘cos football club had cheap beer, enough to quench his thirst.

In dribs and drabs we all got back, some at just a walk

Some people run, some people jog, some just come to talk.

We changed our clothes and settled down to curry, chips and rice

(I didn’t actually have some but the aroma was quite nice!!)

Shitfaced called us all to order, to start the AGPU

Who else was on committee? – I didn’t have a clue!

He was looking pretty lonely, saddened and bereft

So, Piltdown ‘came his right-hand man but sat down on his left!

No one to write the minutes? So, I thought I’d have a go

With in’s and out’s and bank accounts – the things we have to show.

The GM thanked committee and said some want to leave

The accounts were read, not in the red, the black I do believe

3Sum had it all wrote down, in rows and columns clearly

the subs collected every week and People paying yearly.

Insurance paid and badges bought and Tshirts for awards

(I took a photo of her notes, to keep for our records)

3sum would like keep her roll, Hash Cash she will remain

But Sat Nav (who did Hash Tax) doesn’t want to stand again

So Pisswell now will greet you all, beg or take your pound

And Piltdown man who takes your names is gunna hang around.

Our G.M. will stand again, we needn’t ask him twice

And to help him with the work load, Ubend will be his vice.

Rambo ‘came our new trail raiser. Wet Johnny social sec

If night out you want to organise, with him you’ll have to check.

Zoot will remain our Haberdash, and web master still bluebird

Pork Torpedo will sing songs, the ‘worst’ you’ve ever heard!

Forest Stump, Fallen Woman and Man Pig our R.A.s

And their Organiser Teapot entertain us on Mondays.

 

Well that’s it folks, I’ve done the words and craftily within it

I hope you read them, that’s because you've also read the minutes

On on Soapy xx

Monday 4th April map

 

A TRAIL OF TWO HALVES & ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH FOR PISSWELL

Run #1910 Monday 28th March from the Divers Arms at Babbacombe

 

LAST MINUTE HARES: Bluebird and Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Bluebird, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Forrest Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy-Porgy, Smellie, Broadshit, Melonpicker, Soapy, Teapot, Wetfart, Beefy, Pisswell, Rambo, Fallen Woman, Piddler, Coldtits, Able Semen, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Ernie, Swinger, Polyfella, Tamsin (needs a name), Satnav, Threesum (on-down only), Bobbiball (on-down only). PLUS Strap-On!

 

THE CIRCLE

A void week in the Hash Diary i.e. no hares. The demon duo of Dick Dastardly and Mutley stepped in to lay the trail. An early improvised on-down at Kents was changed at the last minute to the Divers Arms - formerly Route 16; Coach and Horses and originally the Roughwood.. It has been a long time since we ran from here. In fact, the last time that many of us were in this pub was for Mavis's 40th birthday party prior to him running off to New Zealand with Half Nelson.

 

Able Semen had an announcement regarding The Devon Lunatics weekend commencing on Friday 13th May 2022. It will kick-off with a run/pubcrawl from the Mill-on-the-Exe on the Friday evening. It is a self-funded pay-as-you-go affair so come for 1, 2 or all 3 days. More details to follow on the Devon Lunatics Facebook page.

 

Man-Pig then had an update regarding Number 2's funeral. Yes, it is now open to the hash to attend. However, the chapel is small and can only accommodate a maximum of 50 people. The funeral details have already been posted on both the TVH3 and Ashburton Hash Facebook pages. It will take place at in Newton Abbot at 2.30pm on Friday 8th April. Thereafter, it is off to the Union Inn, Denbury for a rum or two to celebrate Number 2's life. Dress attire is bright and colourful. Threesum is co-ordinating numbers. Early indications are that the threshold of 50 in the chapel might well be exceeded. Watch the TVH3 Facebook page for updates.

 

Over to the remaining hare as Bluebird had run off to live lay the remaining piece of the trail jigsaw. This, despite, having promised that the Shorts trail had been completed the previous day. The remaining hare, Man-Pig, explained:

 

First, scoff - if you want food do not do the Longs. The kitchen closes at 8.30 but the chef will give us a 10 or 15 minute leeway. Anyone arriving back at the pub after 8.45 would go hungry.Second, "the trail - there is a Walkers, Shorts and a Longs. I have no idea about distance as I had had no part in the Walkers and Shorts' trails". Almost as much information as had been imparted by Arkangel the previous week!

 

THE TRAIL

The early parts of the trail had been laid by Bluebird in a combination of blue chalk and cat litter. The latter parts of the trail had been laid by Man-Pig in flour. The trail led past Babbacombe theatre and then along Babbacombe Downs, past the cliff railway, and onwards past the Model Village. A Long/Short split had the Shorts turning right down towards Oddicombe Beach. 

 

The Longs carried on along St Marychurch Road before turning right onto Petitor Road, past Torbay Golf club, and to a check on Redcliffe downs. The trail then beared right and downhill taking us onto the commando challenge on Oddicombe Beach. This comprised clambering over large blocks of fallen sandstone from the collapsing cliff face. Normally sandstone is fairly soft and smooth. Not this stuff. This appears to contain sherds of flint. Whatever it is, it is like climbing over very coarse sandpaper.

 

Despite the trail being conducted at low tide, no one was afforded the luxury of a simple run along the beach. The choices were: 1) get wet, probably very wet or, 2) to clamber over the rockfall and risk breaking your ankles. The state of the tide rather dictated the latter as being the only plausible option.

Once clear of the obstacle course, it was a simple run for Piddler and I along Oddicombe Beach passing Piltdown Man and an injured Smellie on the way. I was sure that I was the last of the Longs, but it later transpired that Arkangel had taken up the role of tail-end-charlie and cleared the rocks on his own.

 

At the end of the beach, it was up the very steep Beach Road past the Carey Arms. The Walkers continued up Beach Road and back to the pub. Meanwhile, the Longs and the Shorts had to bear sharp left. This leads to an area of wooded hillside and a climb up to open downs at Walls Hill. Here we came across Tamsin. She was resting as she was still a little weak whilst recovering after having contracted covid.

 

Soon all three of us were on open ground and a number of other hashers torches could be seen. We ran past the Babbabcombe cricket club pavilion only to see Pisswell and Forrest Stump a little off trail and running back to the pub. Melonpicker was in front of us and looking for marks. With a little help from the hare, we got him back on trail just before arriving at the last Long/Short split. Tamsin and Piddler sensibly elected for the Shorts. Dastardly, or is that Mutley, decided that he should sweep the Longs.

 

The Last Long was a 3 mile loop. Leaving Walls Hill, the trail led through woodland and the footpath that took us down to the car park on Ansteys Cove Road (sometimes known as Palace Road). At the rear of the car park the trail crossed the playing fields. The southern end of the playing fields is bounded by Ilsham Road. The check here had been kicked out. Good. There were Longs in front of me. The trail took a left down Ilsham Road before an arrow took us into Ilsham Meadow - the site of our first post third lockdown run - courtesy of Wigwam.

 

Almost at the southern end of Ilsham Meadow, where Ilsham Road turns into Meadfoot Sea Road, a check took the pack right and into the woodland of Manor Gardens. The trail took us up a steep incline before exiting the wood onto Lincombe Drive. Almost straight across the private drive and up a very steep public footpath that leads up to Higher Lincombe Road. An arrow now took us right and along Higher Lincombe Road before dropping down left onto Ridgeway Road.

 

At the apex of the first hairpin bend, another arrow. this time guiding us down a rather overgrown public footpath. This took us down and onto Higher Erith Road. Another arrow pointing to the right and we were heading past Lincombe Road and onto the Babbacombe Road at Kents in Wellswood. Arrows took us right and up Babbacombe Road. But not for long.

 

Before arriving at the entrance to the huge construction project, on the site of the old Palace Hotel, a long curved arrow took us down another public footpath. This was signposted "Footpath access to Ansteys Cove". The footpath ended at the Ansteys Cove car park. An arrow with an "OH" below it took us back up that part of Ansteys Cove Road that we had just run down 25 minutes earlier. 

 

This time it was all the way up to the top of the road where it rejoins Babbacombe Road. The marks took us up a slight uphill ascent until yet another arrow pointed right and along 250 yards of footpath. This led us back onto Walls Hill to rejoin the Shorts trail for the final 600 yards back to the pub.Back in the pub, I had thought that I had been the last to be out on trail. Not so. Arriving back at the pub with Forrest Stump, Pisswelll was aghast that she'd only recorded 2.83 miles. U-turn, out of the pub and back unto the breach of Walls Hill to find that elusive last Long/Short split. 

 

Well done - dogged determination if ever there was.

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

The Baby Bat Hat, perched upon Georgy was the first Deliverance (1972) and manifold were the propos-ed culprits. Eighteen consumed chips later and Wetfart was summoned for allegedly baring all. A note for 'hung like a donkey' if you please.

 

The wise or wizened Wizard Piddler spun a tale of adventure and disaster before finally getting to the point and awarding the Jester's Hat to Pisswell for being late back to the pub. (see main text!).

Forrest had smelt a rat cum sardines in brine as He who should not be nam-ed approach-ed with the revered Hashit shirt in tow. I know you are mildly interested or held captive in my text bubble, so I'll elaborate:

 

I feed a one-legged seagull (I'm not the only one, so does BroadS) sardines daily as he crash lands onto my flat roof. I then have to wipe my hands on something - and, I think you've only sussed it - the closest thing to hand the past week was ... No? Well please yourselves then.

 

Anyway, rewind back to the Divers Inn and Bobby wheeling his Panzer cycle through the doors into the pub. Wishing to come to the aid of der Rottenfuhrer, I hastily provided a cover story to the management.

 

'He's eighty five you know.' The bar manageress looked across at the bewheeling apparition and retorted: 'Eighty five? That's amazing!' 

 

Poor Bobby, and a stale pork pie caught him under the eye and Bobby bit the dust - or floor as Teapot presented that Little Shop of Horrors (1986) aka the doggie beer bowl.

 

Bobby blanched and doggedly [now come on SIC you fools] prepared for the worst. But then a shining light came upon the assembly and White Knight (I know, a man of many parts) Piddler stepped forward, picked up the doggie bowl and placed it in bewildered Bobby's clammy hands.

 

Whoa! I didn't know it was that simple! And down it did young Bobby to the accompanying chords of 'Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy' Hurrah!

 

MP comment: The Homing Horse Head Hat - although absent, rumour has it that stabling has been found for it at Ka Ford in Maidencombe! (Dire threats have been uttered by Wetfart who awarded the hat to the Idiot on Awards Night).

 

POSTSCRIPT

Relieved to get this one done and dusted. It was quite a slog, what with the Hunt for Red October (1990) and a DD at short notice; the pre-lay of the short trail on Sunday and the live lay of the last section of the long on the night. 

 

Mighty thanks go to co-hare MP who trekked over at 5 pm and stayed after laying his loop of the long.

The chariot tether charge was iniquitous - as many of you rightly did protest. Charges applicable to midnight! The Sheriff of Nottingham evidently is alive and well in Torbay. 

 

But never mind, the shares in RentaHare are steadily rising and we wait in the wings to come to the aid of the Hash. 

 

Thank you all for making the journey.

 

NEXT WEEK

It's the Big Night, our AGPU from Ipplepen football club with hare Wet Johnny and the usual Penner suspects.

 

And now it's goodbye from Man-Pig and goodbye from me.

ON ON!

Monday 28th March location map

 

A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY & YOU CAN DROWN IN A HALF INCH OF BEER!

Run #1909 Monday 21st March from Teign Bridge CP, OD the Kings Arms.

REPLACEMENT HARES: Shitfaced & Arkangel

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Arkangel, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Cheeri-Beerio, Piltdown Man, Georgy-Porgy, Smellie, Broadshit, Only Here for the Beer, Melonpicker, Soapy, Teapot, Wetfart, Beefy, Pisswell, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Rambo, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Piddler, Coldtits, Slip On Me, The Virgin Mary (returnee from 2008!), Strap-On, Mrs Strap-On, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Able Semen. A howling Bluebird impersonator (we never did find out who this was - a civilian as mad as Bluebird?)

 

THE CIRCLE

In the absence of our original covid stricken hares, Shitfaced stepped in to lay the trail. Once again most of it was delegated. This time to Arkangel. This was mainly on account of the fact that Shitfaced was still recovering from a week's worth of 40th birthday celebrations - including an excellent party at Forde Hall. Thankyou Shitfaced. I guess that we'll now have to wait till your 50th for another week long party?

 

Arkangel was brief on the description of the trail. "Two long short splits". Piddler, as ever, wanted to know the full route of the trail; distance, topography, air temperature, sea temperature - the whole caboodle. But Arkangel was giving nothing away.

 

Just before the "off", Man-Pig delivered a rather sad announcement. Long term harriet of several Devon hashes, Number Two (Val Dean), had died on 8th March at Derriford Hospital. And, on that sombre note, the trail commenced.

 

THE TRAIL

 

DERANGED (1974)

The trail took us straight across the road from the car park and northwest along the western bank of the Teign. To our left we could hear shouts and bellowing of the deranged Bluebird over by the Stover canal.....or so we thought. That was until we eventually caught up with Bluebird at a check. So who was the deranged hasher? Shirley it must have been a hasher as he had a head torch. We never found out who the mystery impersonator was. We eventually concluded that it was almost certainly a non hasher.

After a mile, we came to the Walkers' split. The Walkers peeled off left towards Locks Bridge whilst the Longs and the Shorts followed the Teign along its banks to Ventiford Bridge. This was beginning to look like an anticlockwise re-run of Screwed and Bella's run from last year. However, the check at Ventiford Bridge had us all heading back towards Teigngrace. In Teigngrace an arrow took us over the railway line and the Stover canal before rejoining the Shorts. The return leg took us along the new cycle track which is built on the route of the disused railway line. It wasn't long before we were back on the old Exeter Road and the "OH" sign....but there was a catch. This was also the second Long/Short split.

 

The Shorts went left for 100 yards before arriving back at their cars. The Longs, meanwhile, embarked on a trek down to Jetty Marsh in Newton Abbot. This one and a half mile loop had us going down the western edge of the Stover canal and back up the eastern bank of the canal. And, for good measure, Arkangel put in an arrow leading down some steps at its furthest point. I was a little perplexed as I don't recall ever having gone down these steps before. Nevertheless, the arrows don't lie (usually). This turned out to be the shiggiest part of the trail and it was a Ha! Ha! Back up the steps to find the real trail. Sure enough, we'd missed an enormous arrow. This guided us onto the east bank for a fast trot back upto Exeter Road and the car park.

 

Well, that was the end of the official trail. However, for some reason, Pisswell had elected to run back to the pub. I was the second last to leave the car park. Only Pisswell's yellow AA van remained. Hence, imagine my surprise to find her standing outside the pub as I drove past? How perplexing. A down-down for next week methinks.

 

Well done last week's birthday boys, Arkangel and Shitfaced, for standing in and setting a worthy trail.

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

Beefy awarded the Baby Bat hat to Georgy Porgy for startling him in the car. Georgy pulled a face and stated that 'I don't like beer!' WHAT? She then refused to drink out of a urine specimen container, choosing the normal glass. An apology was (after prompting) tendered to the completely innocent Bird who had also been mentioned for 'screeching' on trail.

 

IN THE FRAME SHIRLEY

On leaving the Teign Bridge CP en routey for the dash back to the bar, Pisswell was entering the CP and the Bird brain decided to give her a wide berth Bertha but managed to mount the kerbing instead. Two loud bangs ensued as the silver chariot crashed over... sigh. Shirley the Bird was in the frame!

But neigh, ever so neigh, Neddy, hold your horses. Pisswell enquired as to the whereabouts of the Virgin Mary [First Bible refs: Matthew (1:16; 18-25) and Luke (1:26-38)] but our harriet the Virgin Mary was not in the pub. 'Okay, where's Manopause then?' Oh lackaday, the Penners also were missing. Oh-oh, Pisswell would now have to resort to the third choice... Enter stage left One Idiot..

 

DEATH ON THE DOWN-DOWN (2022)

Did you know that you could drown in a half inch of beer? Nearly a first fatality on the DD as the Bird thrashed wildly in his beer bird bath.. not a pretty sight..

 

The lead up to the Jester's Hat destination left little doubt that Piddler was favourite. A catalogue of transgessions followed, including forgetting what the Grand Master was called... step forward Piddler please.

 

NEXT WEEK

A gap in the diary filled once more by Rentahare© Inc.

We will be at the Divers Arms, 86 Babbacombe Downs Rd, Torquay TQ1 3LU Confus-ed? Formerly Route 16 which also may not ring any bells, but before that it was the Coach and Horses where we have hashed from a few times in the past.

 

As usual, it's goodbye from Man-Pig and goodbye from me until next week's episode.

 

ON-ON!

 

POST SCRIPT: On hearing the news of Number Two's passing, Poacher has expressed a wish to lay a trail from Denbury in Number Two's memory. Watch this space for details.