Saturday 16 July 2022
TVH3 The Words for 11th July 2022
Haytor Middle Car Park, Dartmoor
On-Down at Haytor Quarry
Run #1925
HARE: Slip-on-Me
Who
wuz there: Slip-o
n-Me, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Hotlips, Zoot,
Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Coldtits, Rambo, Well
Hopped, Big End, Well Hopped's Dad, Piddler, Wet Johnny, Warm Front,
Polyfella, Broadshit, Ablesemen, Ernie, Teapot. Non runners: Martin
& Threesum.
The Circle
An
absolutely beautiful and clear day welcomed us to Haytor Middle car
park. Smellie and Man-Pig commented on the beautiful view with Big End
reaffirming how fortunate we were with access to views like this on
trail.
Shitafced
said a few words about the weather, the view, and this weekend's
Ippletipple. It then transpired that Smellie had got her weekends
confused and would be attending the following weekend's Teignmouth beer
festival but not this weekend's Ippletipple.
This
was Slip-on-Me's virgin lay and she was quite anxious. She had already
swept up Plympton Hash's sawdust with a dustpan and brush. So as not to
confuse anyone, the trail had been laid in "red" sand.
When
we eventually got our eye in, the red sand proved to be more of a mud
colour. At least we now knew what to look for. Post run, drinks, and
nibbles were to be at the flooded quarry where a warm swim would await
those who dared.
The trail
PARADISE LOST by Pollyfella
The
hash gathered on the most beautiful of summer evenings at the middle
car park below the mighty Haytor rocks. The early arrivals took in the
epic view and picked out landmarks all the way down to The Ness at
Shaldon. The cars steadily pulled up. Then Warm Front appeared having
impressively cycled up to the moor and Beefy having equally impressively
run up from Widecombe.
The circle was called for our grandmaster to commence proceedings.
Our circle comprised of:
Able Semen, Archangel, Big End, Broadshit, Cold Tits, Georgy P Orgy, Hot Lips, Hunk of Beef, Manpig, Piddler, Piltdown Man, Pollyfella, Rambo, Shitfaced, Slip-on Me, Tea Pot, Well Hopped, Wet Johnny, Zoot, James, Norm, and Roger.
Able Semen, Archangel, Big End, Broadshit, Cold Tits, Georgy P Orgy, Hot Lips, Hunk of Beef, Manpig, Piddler, Piltdown Man, Pollyfella, Rambo, Shitfaced, Slip-on Me, Tea Pot, Well Hopped, Wet Johnny, Zoot, James, Norm, and Roger.
First
up was Piddler keen to know if a delegation of hashers would be heading
to the Ipple Tipple on 16th July but there were no definite takers. But
as the GM pointed out final decisions on such matters usually occur on
the day itself.
Next,
there was a discussion about the Teignmouth RFC beer festival to be
held over the weekend of Thursday 21st to Saturday 23rd July. This was
greeted with more enthusiasm with plans made for attending on Friday and
Saturday nights. Then Rambo confirmed that August dates were nearly
full and bookings for September were being taken.
Next,
it was the turn of hare for the evening, Slip on Me, who set out the
distances for the walker, short and long trails. There was a promise of a
beer stop and an explanation that the trail was laid in red sand which
was greeted with a murmur of intrigue. Could a sand trail be spotted out
on the moor?
The
on down was confirmed as the quarry and Slip on Me offered to drive
beer and belongings and even hashers down after the run.
Our
hare announced that all hashers were starting off heading down the hill
and off we went led by Warm Front through the bracken down to the lower
car park and on to the junction at the Moorland Hotel.
There
we scattered searching down the side roads and along the wall adjacent
to the hotel seeking our first glimpse of red sand.
After
several minutes of back and forth, Man Pig spotted the first sand blob
and called the “on on.” The trail led us down the lane heading towards
Ilsington.
About
half a mile later, we came upon a split for the walkers taking them
left. The longs and shorts carried on down the road until we reached an
arrow directing us right and down a pretty path to a stream.
Hashers
had the choice of either crossing on a bridge consisting of one long
thin rock raised above the water like a misplaced monolith from
Stonehenge or running across the stream.
On
we ran through pretty woodland until we reached a gate marked “Do Not
Enter – Private” which was covered in a forbidding barbed wire. Surely
it could not be that way?
Here there was a mini regroup with Man Pig, Big End, Polly Fella, Beefy, and Warm Front all searching for a sandy blob.
Big End bemoaned his colour blindness and explained that he was not going to be able to help us spot anything red tonight!
Then
in front of the gate, a blob was spotted and onwards we coursed. On we
ran down a track at the lowest point around the private land. Here our
pace was gentle with the sultry heat now playing its part.
Through
a gate and upwards we ran passing the isolated Bagg Tor House to our
left. Here our trail disappeared. We searched in all directions. Warm
Front and Big End went on straight up with Manpig exploring paths to the
left and Pollyfella down to Bagg Tor house.
We
decided the trail must be at the summit of Bagg Tor and so up we went
to be rewarded with the most epic panorama and - a sand blob!
With
all the earlier checking the group was now extended to include Smellie,
Broadsheet, and Ernie, he of the fastest milk cart fame. Ahead of us
lay Haytor and on we ran through another gate but, alas, this was to be
the last of the trail we could find. Paradise Lost indeed...
We ran up to the road below the Tor and down to the upper car park to observe the movements at the middle car park.
With
our GPS showing we were still below four miles, our group was unable to
resist running up to Haytor to take in the view. Warm Front ascended
the great rock and the rest of the group went around on the grass. Then
we descended to the on down location to see the quarry and admire the
water lilies and the plentiful tadpoles in its waters.
Then
it was back to the car park to gather our beers and clothes ready for
the on down. Heading back, we passed Able Semen, the first hasher who
was on her way up from the car park, and then we met Georgy P Orgy with
Piltdown Man.
As
Piltdown was carrying Smellie's beer and gear, she decided to stay up
at the on down site as the rest of the group returned to the car park.
There we found Threesome and partner sitting outside their camper
enjoying the last of their leisurely dinner from a fine vantage point
overlooking the views of the South Devon coast.
Here
too was Well Hopped and her father and another hasher (apologies for
not knowing your name). Back at the cars, we met Coldtits who explained
the shorts had found the beer stop. She offered packs of crisps to the
hungry hashers. Then over the far slopes facing Haytor emerged Rambo and
from the direction of the top car park, Archangel descended. The hash
was regrouping from all directions.
A
group of hashers including Well Hopped and Big End decided to take in
the sunset from the top of Haytor and off they went with their supplies.
Next to arrive at the car park was Slip on Me returning in a cloud of 4 x 4 dust.
She
explained that she had been waiting at the beer stop for the longs who
never arrived. The longs were all sorry to have missed the beer stop but
it could not be helped and they had still had a lovely run and taken in
stunning views. The hash was now dispersing in all directions.
Beefy
and Warm Front headed off on their energetic ways home. Slip on Me
kindly offered to drive hashers to the on down and a group enjoyed a
bumpy 4x4 ride to the quarry for a catch-up and refreshment with the
rest of the pack.
What a glorious night it was out hashing on Dartmoor in the shadows of Haytor.
A huge thank you to Slip on Me for all her hard work in arranging such a fabulous adventure.
The Down-Downs
Probably
didn't happen as only Piltdown-Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Piddler,
Able Semen, Slip-On-Me, Rambo, Martin, and Threesum walked up to the
quarry for nibbles and drinks.
Next week
The
concluding chapter of the Dartmoor trilogy: Location: Ponsworthy; Hare -
Pisswell, possibly aided by Beefy. Full directions to be posted.
ON ON! Man-Pig
Saturday 9 July 2022
TVH3 The Words for 4th July 2022
Independence Day Hash, Park Inn, Kingskerswell
Run No. 1924
HARES: Shitfaced, Bluebird & Man-Pig
Who
wuz there: Shitfaced, Bluebird, Man-Pig, iPoo'd, Arkangel, Hotlips,
Zoot, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Slip-on-Me, Strap-On, Strap Dancer,
Pisswell, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Coldtits, Rambo,
Well Hopped, Big End, Well Hopped's Dad, Well Hopped's brother?,
Piddler, Swinger, Warm Front, Popeye, Wylie Coyote (visitor from South
Hams Hash). Additional non-runners: Cheerio Beerio (short distance award
- painting banisters), T-Humper (working), Only Here for the Beer,
Bobbiball, and a very late guest appearance by Floss.
Apologies sent by Forrest who had suffered a broken leg and was waiting for the glue to dry.
The Circle
A themed run resulted in some intriguing fancy dresses for America's Fourth of July Independence Day Hash.
The
pub had laid on an American-style barbecue (but cooked in the oven
apparently) of burgers, weeners, and spare ribs - fortunately no
American beer. The majority of the hash had made some attempt at
dressing for the occasion. Slip-on-Me had the stars and stripes flag
flying from the back of her land Rover - somewhat reminiscent of Dukes
of Hazard (remember Daisy and Boss Hogg?).
Shitfaced
was in form as Donald Trump. Smellie was a quite alluring Wonder Woman
who, by the time we were back in the pub, had metamorphosized into a
lumberjack. Then the Hare's instructions were interrupted by Coldtits
entering the circle. What can I say? I completely lost my train of
thought and I have no idea why.
Back
to the description of the trail. Shitfaced denied all knowledge of it
apart from the Walkers' trail which he'd laid and thought wasn't too
bad. Bluebird ran into the bar to hide. Man-Pig (who wasn't even
supposed to be co-haring) was left to carry the can.
Shitfaced,
Bluebird, and the Pig all offered some sort of description of the parts
of the trail that they had laid - most of which joined up. Shitfaced
was a little economical with the truth regarding distances - apart from
the mention of double-figures if one was to do both Longs.
Bluebird
just babbled and all three hares said something about the marks being
laid in a combination of blue chalk, peach chalk, and flour. "The Long
and the Short of it" was, so to speak, "If you want to get back in time
for the barbecue, DO NOT DO THE SECOND LONG!" Quite what our visitors
from SH4 thought of it all we will never know.....quite a shambles
really.
BB
At
this point, my insertion of the trail should appear. However, upon
reflection, I feel unable to give my usual detailed account,
interspersed with a little levity.
Thinking
the long trail would be only about five miles, Man-Pig was delegated to
add another split to bring it up to a respectable six.
Futile
making further elaboration, I made a mistake and my trail proved to be
eight miles. Man-Pig's loop was three miles, making the long eleven
miles.
Man-Pig
was at pains in the circle to warn hashers not to do the second long
split but go long and then short, making about six miles.
As
Beefy commented on the pack departing: 'Witness: all that enthusiasm.'
Despondency set in and, too shattered to accompany them, I adjourned to
the pub to fret.
Hashers
appeared. The walkers were all happy with the GM's short wander. Shorts
arrived but quite a few had cut short down Fluder Hill.
Warm
Front had completed the six-mile-long/short combination and had no
complaints. (She had done a 50 km race at the weekend so had a short run
here.)
The food was put back as hashers were still missing. Relief as SM Ellie, Coldtits, and then Pisswell got back.
At
9:15 pm, Beefy was back after actually completing the full eleven-mile
trail! What a hasher, and I bought him a pint. He had taken some
beautiful snaps en route and had seemed to genuinely have enjoyed the
trail. A crumb of comfort for me.
Some
twenty minutes later, Man-Pig arrived, ashen-faced and still clutching
the large flour container which he had carried around the eleven-mile
double long. He had already laid over six miles in the afternoon so do
the maths to realize that he had covered over seventeen miles. Quite
remarkable and way over and above the duty of a hare.
I
had two returning awards and would have given them to the two heroes of
the evening - Man-Pig and Beefy - but decided it was not appropriate.
An unhappy evening for me though I had enjoyed the adventure of laying
my blunder in wonderful weather. I had chalked little messages of
encouragement and warnings of dangerous road crossings along my wander.
Sorry
everyone for my error which Man-Pig had alerted me to before we set
off. I hope it didn't spoil the evening for some. I tried but was found
wanting.
Being a true hasher and friend, dear Man-Pig forgave me, stating on his Strava post:
'I’ll survive.....but I’m passing on this evening’s AH3 run!'
The Down-Downs
iPoo'd presented the horned hat to Slip on Me for accidentally hitting her with the stars and stripes flag.
Strap-On gave the Jester's hat to Piddler for interminable moaning....again.
Wylie Coyote had a welcome DD as a visiting hasher.
Best
Fancy dress: 3 contenders - Pisswell (Pocahontas), Coldtits
(Wonderwoman/Wonderbra), Smellie (WonderWoman/Lumberjack). Loudest cheer
for Coldtits but all three get a Down-Down.
Next week
Haytor
middle car park with Hare Slip-on-Me. No on-down so bring your own
food and beverage. A chance of a swim in a quarry so bring your cossy
too!
On-On to next week. Man-Pig.
Saturday 2 July 2022
HASHERS HAD IT ALL AT TINKLEY BOTTOM: A MEADOW MOWED, BBQ, A BARREL OF BEER, LADDERS & ROPED RIVER CROSSING
by Man-Pig
TVH3 The Words for 27th June 2022 - Tinkley Bottom
Run No. 1923
HARES: Forrest Stump & Man-Pig
Who
wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Wood Lend, Fuddle & hubby Sam
(not running), Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Arkangel, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum,
Martin, TT, Satnav, Able Semen, Deep Semen, Fallen Woman, Broken Man,
Slip-on-Me, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Pisswell, Beefy, Piltdown Man,
Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Coldtits, Rambo, Well
Hopped, Ned, Piddler, Swinger, Swinger's friend, Dave (Cheerio's sausage
dog), Trucker (guest appearance).
The Circle
Once
more the Hash became the beneficiaries of Forrest's excellent
hospitality and equally enjoyable trail. In true Forrest fashion, the
meadow had been mowed, brazier fired up and barbecue facilities prepared
for hungry and thirsty hashers. Did I say "Thirsty"? Best of all,
Forrest had laid on a barrel of Black Tor Blonde at a meagre
£3/pint....excellent.
Shitfaced
welcomed all into the circle. This included some returnees, TT and
partner, and some faces that I didn't recognise. I think these were
Forrest's neighbours. Announcements comprised the notification of the
venue for next week's hash and hash theme and a request from Man-Pig for
a volunteer to do the Words.
In
respect of the latter, there were no takers. Man-Pig then forgot to
pressgang some poor unfortunate into penning this week's Words, so ended
up doing them himself. What a fukwit.
Forrest
briefly described the trail but was rather vague on distances. Yes.
There was a Walkers', and at least three, maybe four Long/Short splits.
Then there was some mention of a tree bearing a strange crop; a crop
of carrier bags with tractors printed on them.
The Trail
Now,
the Teign Valley has been pretty well-trodden by TVH3 over the years.
There was always going to be the risk of running over the same old
ground and the trails getting a tad repetitive. However, never fear.
Forrest is a cunning old fox if ever there was one. His knowledge of the
Valley is encyclopaedic and he also has a lot of land-owning
neighbours. Some of them are Hash friendly, others not. So it was with
delight that we learned that we would be running over some virgin
territory. This, together with Forrest's ability to bamboozle hashers by
reversing trails and running the same ground both in darkness and
daylight, resulted in hashers failing to twig that they had covered most
of the trail within the past 9 months - albeit in the dark.
The
Walkers, Shorts and the Longs exited Forrest's meadow heading
downstream along the River Teign. At the old Trusham railway station,
the Walkers and the Shorts bore right and over Crocombe Bridge to
commence the ascent up Warm Hill.
The
Longs were taken on a short loop up Farley Hill then a check which took
them right on a minor road towards Northwood Farm. This was before
climbing over a gate, crossing the disused railway line, and returning
to Crocombe Bridge along the banks of the Teign. Now, even this short
loop was not without its issues.
The
FRB's, comprising Beefy, Wood Lend, and Erection (no Wet Johnny as he
is nursing a hamstring injury), had overrun a partially obliterated mark
and had engaged in an unplanned canter down to the coachworks. Was this
Pooke piracy? Who knows?
Back
on trail, it wasn't long before we arrived at the Walkers' split from
the Longs and the Shorts. This was at the lower reaches of Warm Hill.
The Walkers would bear right and continue up to the bottom of Teign
Village from where they would be the first to enjoy/suffer the virgin
territory.
A
little further up Warm Hill came the first of the Long/Short spits that
would take the Shorts into Hennock. Further up Warm Hill again we came
to a check at a minor crossroads. Arkangel made a beeline for Five
Lanes by running through a cross whilst the FRB's followed the trail
left and downhill only to be befuddled by a strange mark. So befuddled
in fact that Wood Lend was on the phone to his Dad for some insider
knowledge.
At
this point, the Hare arrived. "What's a circle with a cross in it?"
asked Beefy. "A back-check" came the Hare's reply. By this time, Deep
Semen had found the trail rising up Shameface Lane. The FRB's now had
swollen to include Swinger & friend, Ned, Well Hopped, Pisswell,
Beefy, Erection, Wood Lend, and Deep Semen.
At
the top of Shameface Lane, we arrived at another Long/Short split at
Five Lanes. The Shorts were directed into Hennock whilst the Longs
endured the interminable climb up a beautiful footpath up to Chericombe
Cross and another check. By the time we got there, it had been kicked
out by either Strap-On or Piddler after Smellie's hard work of doing
all the checking. However, the kicking out wasn't too clear and could
have had the following Hashers going down one of two roads. And this is
exactly what was going on with the FRB's.
The
Hare realigned the kicked-out section of the check and all FRB's were
now on the long descent down Bell Lane and into Hennock. Outside the
Palk Arms, another Long/Short split.
There
was some thought of going Short until the Hare suggested doing the
Long. Yes. It would be a little further but we would be going down a
footpath last trod by TVH about 12 years ago and we would have the
opportunity to find the elusive "Bag tree".
So
it was that we all ran up the cul-de-sac that is Church Lane. Just past
the church, a huge arrow took us through a five-bar gate and into what
appeared to be someone's driveway. It was! However, it was also the
route of a pretty underused public footpath.
The
beginning of the footpath was 6 feet high in foliage and brambles but
it wasn't long before it opened up to provide a lovely viewpoint across
the valley towards Tinkley quarry.
As
the once visible footpath disappeared, it was time to keep an eye out
for the "bag tree" that would get us back on trail. Conscious of keeping
the countryside tidy, the bag was recovered and we continued a steep,
and uneven, descent to the road and the next check.
It
had already been kicked out uphill. We ascended the road to Brandiron
Cross where an arrow took us downhill and through Teign Village.
At
the lower edge of the village, a huge arrow directed us left and into
the first of three fields. This was the virgin territory and we had now
rejoined the Walkers' Trail. Despite quite high wheat and grass in
places, the marks were good. The last field had us on a very steep
descent to the bottom of Warm Hill.
We
retraced our steps towards Crocombe Bridge but, before arriving at the
bridge, a large "OH" and an arrow had us diverting into Trucker's field
and the promised river crossing - of which there were two! If you
fancied getting waist-high in water, take the Longs' crossing with the
blue nylon rope. If you were a wuss, as were all of the back marking
FRB's, it was the ankle-deep river crossing for us with a hessian rope
for support.
Forrest
had thought of everything. On the far side of the river, there were two
aluminium ladders to aid our clambering back into Forrest's recently
mowed meadow.
Trail complete. Now for a Black Tor Blonde - or two?
The Down-Downs
There
were only two physical awards present from the previous two weeks but
there were also some stories of misdemeanours en trail to recount.
First
up was Smellie. She had the jester hat to award but nearly ended up
giving it to herself as she was in some sort of a time warp.
Smellie
started by describing a trail that she'd done the previous day!
Eventually, the story unfolded of Smellie, Strap-On, and Piddler
running together and coming to a check. Piddler, unchivalrously,
suggested that Smellie do the checking whilst a recalcitrant Strap-on
stuck firmly close to the check. A vote was called for and won by
Strap-On for "Recalcitrant behaviour".
Next
was Shitfaced. He recalled a story from the weekend about a boozy party
and someone who had to be taken home by taxi. Worse still, the same
person was sick in the taxi. The hat went to iPoo'd to a chorus of
Chumba Wumba but retitled "Chunder Wonder".
Stories:
Beefy had a story about lost property recovered from the previous
week's hash. It was an item of clothing and Beefy removed his polo shirt
to reveal a t-shirt with a photo of a leopard on it. "Any takers?".
Yes. It was Rambo's. A memento of his recent holiday in South Africa and
he hadn't even realised that he'd lost it! A note for the "Forgetful
one".
One
down-down left. Normally this would have gone to the Hare. not only for
planning and laying the trail but also for his legendary hospitality.
However, there was another contender. A virgin. Threesum announced that
her partner, Martin, had actually done the Walker's trail. Now Martin
has been coming to the Hash on and off for over a year but has never
run.....until now. A very poor rendition of Madonna's, "Like a virgin
touched for the dry first time....." had Martin downing his half of ale
in double-quick time.
Thank
you again Forrest for your hospitality and your cunning ingenuity. Even
Beefy didn't realise that he'd been on most of the trail before; the
cover of darkness!
Next week
The
Park Inn, Kingskerswell. It is Independence Day in the USA and,
accordingly, there is a theme for the evening: come dressed as something
American. The American theme will extend to the food as well as burgers
will be on the barbecue. Hares are Shitfaced and Bluebird.
On-On to next week.
Friday 24 June 2022
A CREAM TEA 'SUMMER NIGHTS' SAFARI ON THE EVE OF MIDSUMMER'S EVE
TVH3 The Words for 20th June 2022 - Sousson's Plantation, Postbridge
Run No. 1922
HARE: Pisswell
Sweeper: Beefy
Who
wuz there: Pisswell, Beefy, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump,
Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Manopause, Wet-Johnny, Erection,
Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Rambo, Teapot, Wetfart, Well Hopped, Big End,
Ned, a lot of scones and Ros joining us in the pub and, finally, a very
rare Brough Superior that sounded like a pneumatic woodpecker!
(apologies to Piddler for omitting him from last week's roll call)
The Circle
Well,
what a wonderful evening after the previous day's winds. The views, and
much virgin territory, made the journey well worthwhile.
The
size of the circle ebbed and flowed as various incontinent members of
the Hash came and went and always left the gate open! Once gathered
there was a brief description of the trail with the Longs at circa 5 1/2
miles. Far more importantly, Pisswell gave us directions to get to the
On-Down, The East Dart Hotel at Postbridge.
The Trail - by Pisswell
PIZWELL SUMMER NIGHTS
TV hashing, it’s been a blast
Summer solstice happened so fast
Virgin new territory
Pretty drive, as cute as can be
Summer days drifting away
And Soussons well into the night
=====================
Well-a well-a well-a, huh
Tell me more, tell me more
=================
Did you circle up nude?
Round the hut circle dance?
Or was Pisswell just rude?
=================
Shoo pa pa, shoo pa pa, shoo pa pa yeah
=================
They ran by me, as all bears do
They ran by me, off to the loo
I shut the gate, they nearly got seen!
Ordered meals for those that were keen
Summer sun, the hash then begun
But, oh, those summer nights
===================
Well-a well-a well-a huh
Tell you more? tell you more?
===================
They then split into three
Walkers down by the road,
Rest in Soussons and trees
=================
Shoo pa pa, shoo pa pa, shoo pa pa yeah
===========================
FRBs looking for checks all in line, they soon were wrecked
No hashing, rules, the others crisscrossed,
All in the woods and no one got lost!
Summer days, it was still light
So oh, no one lost in the night!
====================
Well-a well-a well-a huh
Tell you more? tell you more?
===================
We can’t take one more midge
We approached Merripit
To our first clapper bridge!
He got friendly, the troll was my mate
Followed shorts onto Lydgate!
====================
Went to Postbridge, the others ran on
Like the clappers, the short and the long
Summer dream in glorious light
And oh, those summer nights
===================
Well-a well-a well-a huh
Tell you more? tell you more?
===================
We stopped for cream tea
And our tea from the pot was elderberry!
It got later, it's where we depart
To on downs at The East Dart
===================
Bye to Pizwell, ignoring the moans
Through the stream and stepping stones
Thanks who came onto the moor
To enjoy these summer ………..n..I..g..h..t..s
==========================
The Down-Downs
Beefy gave the horned hat to Smellie for being a cow! Cue "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy"...
Piltdown
Man awarded checking chicken hat to Manopause for wanting a pint of
water at the scone stop - a note for the "Teetotaller".
Erection
got a down-down for exiting the circle and raising the water level of
Dartmoor reservoirs by 3 feet......and leaving the toilet door (well,
gate actually) open!
Pisswell
for being the Hare and confusing us with a check to nowhere - we should
have sung, "I'm on a road to nowhere". This even confused the co-hare!
Next week
Tinkly
Bottom with Hare Forrest Stump. Bring your own food. Barbeque
facilities will be available and bring your booze if you don't want the
barrel of beer (Black Tor blonde 3.8 abv) that Forrest is providing.
Bring a tent if you want to stay the night.
Now it's goodbye from Man-Pig and goodbye from Summer Nights Pisswell.
On-On to next week.
Saturday 18 June 2022
SHERPA POLLYFELLA STARS ON THE EIGER SANCTION & A HALF-GALLON OF DOWN-DOWN BEER!
TVH3 The Words for 13th June 2022
The Ness Car Park, Shaldon - Run No. 1921
HARES: Swinger and Well Hopped
Who
wuz there: Swinger, Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Bluebird, Man-Pig,
Forrest-Stump, Arkangel, Smellie, Manopause, Wet-Johnny, Erection,
Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Rambo, Broadshit, Polyfella, Ernie, Teapot,
Bobbiball, Kermit, Well Hopped's dad, Ned, 3 virgins (James, Paul +1 who
are all related to the hares), Karl, Always Desperate, a lot of Morris
Dancers!
THE CIRCLE
We
circled up in a near-empty Ness car park. Despite the acres of space,
Bobbiball still found it impossible to park die Panzerkampfwagon in a
single parking bay. Subsequently, he found it equally impossible to
complete the Walkers' Trail making him an official SCB. That aside,
Shitaced welcomed all to the hash. Smellie, fresh from scribing last
week's Words, now took on the mantle of recording attendees in
Piltdown's absence.
The
only announcements comprised next week's run. This will be another
Pisswell extravaganza. From memory, I think we will be parking up
adjacent to Sousson's Plantation which is quite near Grimspound -
expect virgin territory. The exact details will be on the Facebook
page.
Next
Shitfaced welcomed three virgins to the hash and Teapot duly anointed
them with flour. The first virgin got somewhat confused with the names
of who had made her come. Was it Julia or Holly?.....not names
recognised by the hash. The subsequent two virgins, James and Paul I
think, learned quickly - "It was Well Hopped that made us
cum"......that's better.
Swinger
gave a brief description of the trail. Longs about 5 1/2; Shorts 4;
Walkers, maybe 2 1/2. Forrest then wanted to know about Long/Short
splits but Swinger was having none of it, "You'll have to find out for
yourself".
THE TRAIL
The
Shorts headed straight up the long steep hill that runs at the edge of
Shaldon Golf Club. The Walkers were instructed to stay put -
temporarily. The longs were directed, perplexingly, downhill past the
Ness Hotel. The trail then looped up and around the top of the Ness
before dropping down to rejoin the Shorts back near the car park.
Just
before arriving at the golf course, we came to the first Long/Short
split. Wet-Johnny was checking straight on and up towards the Torquay to
Teignmouth Road whilst Pollyfella checked out the edge of the golf
course. Bluebird, in Beefy's absence, had assumed the role of Hash
Flash. "On-On" was the call from Pollyfella.
Once
past the golf course, we came to the first split. But, if my memory
serves me correctly, not the normal split. This was a Longs'/Walkers'
split. Were the Walker's really doing the Long or is this amnesia?
A
few yards of leafy path and - dismay. For there, in front of us, was a
steep uphill expanse. Pollyfella was already 200 yards ahead and going
strong. Bluebird was on camera duty just in front of me and Wet Johnny
not far behind. I attempted to run but at the halfway point I gave up.
Bluebird was keeping up with me by walking! At the summit, we looked
back. The Penners were not far behind, Manopause and Erection. Just in
arrears of them were Ernie and Broadshit and I think Swinger may have
been sweeping with returnee Karl.
Out
onto the A379 for a short while before dropping back onto the South
West Coast Path heading southwest towards Labrador Cove. The marks then
took us back onto the A379 where we crossed the road and ascended up to
a check near the beacon. This had already been kicked out by Pollyfella
who was now out of sight somewhere down Butterfly Lane (a corruption of Better Flee (the gibbet) Lane according to local historian, Bluebird). This is a track and we were now off-road.
Pollyfella
checked left at the junction with Millen Lane and was not seen again
until the pub. Wet-Johnny checked ahead, continuing along Butterfly
Lane. We're "On" we called back to Pollyfella and received the expected
response of, "On-On"........even if you weren't.
At
the end of Butterfly Lane, an arrow took us left towards
Stokeinteignhead and then, very soon, a check at the top of Dagra Lane.
Man-Pig kicked it out even before Wet-Johnny called it "On".
After
400 yards, we arrived at another check at Pegwell Lane. The Pig checked
down Pegwell Lane but it was not long before Wet-Johnny was heard
calling "On" as he descended down Dagra Lane and onto Coombe Road.
An
arrow guided us right towards Shaldon but then we arrived at a check at
the junction with Higher Ringmore Road......not kicked out but
Wet-Johnny was running back to do the necessary just as the Pig arrived.
Once kicked out, it was into Ringmore and virgin territory for me.
Eventually,
an arrow and we were on a short track called Waterworks Lane. This
rejoins tarmac at the junction with Lambert's Lane which then drops
down to Coombe Road, but not before changing its name to Pepper Lane and
then Salt Lane as we descended.
Wet
Johnny was now out of sight. Despite excellent marks, the Pig took an
unscheduled detour and had to retrace his steps - or should that be
trotters?
The
trail now followed the banks of the Teign. At the southern end of
Shaldon Bridge it was straight across and down Riverside passing the
back of the London Inn (this was originally planned as the On-Down but
was even further from the Ness car park). Onto Marine Parade where I
passed Teapot who, amazingly, had managed to park almost outside the
Ferryboat Inn.
Next, we passed the Black Bess Morris Dancers where Kermit was enjoying a pint and not having set foot on trail!
Finally,
the last trek 400 yards uphill to the Ness car park. A very relaxed
Wet-Johhny was waiting for me. He certainly didn't look like he'd just
done 5.15 miles!
What
a fantastic trail. Especially so when considering that it was
Swinger's virgin lay and probably only Well Hopped's third or fourth
trail. A job well done. Congratulations....you can lay again!
ADDITIONAL USELESS INFORMATION & TRIVIA
The Birdman of Maidencombe (2022) was finally tempted out of his nest by the very proximity of the trail and On Down.
Waiting
at the top of his road, the Bird heard a low rumbling sound just
before Der rottenführer's Panzer burst into view, accompanied by a
billowing black cloud of diesel fumes - The Eagle Has Landed (1976), Rock on Tommy! [Shirley sic Bobby Ball] ..
With the Bird terminally injured - It's Tough to Be a Bird
(1969) - and Bobby riddled with an assortment of ailments, it was
nothing short of a triumph for the desperate duo to make the Ness
chariot tether. A useless right shoulder (shell fragments from
Normandy) forced Bobby to slew the Panzer sideways into the parking bay -
ignoring the torrent of abuse being hurled at him by the Grand Master
and Forrest Stump, both fearful of being run down.
But Never Mind the Buzzcocks, adventure Shirley awaited on Swinger's virgin lay - but only if the fragile fuselage would hold up..
'I'll know after fifty yards if it's a goer Bobby, if not I'll Be Back.' (The Terminator 1984 you fools)
The
inevitable climb south from the Ness House commenced with Sherpa
Pollyfella spearheading the FRB's. A suspicious little huddle of walkers
was encountered dithering just below the Pitch and Putt course. 'It has
to be this way,' squawked the feathered one, though for some
bewildering reason, Wet Johnny veered off to checkerido.. sigh.
Pollyfella
knew it and the Bird knew it, the Himalayan slopes beckoned. Looming
into view was the awesome and intimidating climb to the Labrador bends,
high above in the clouds on the A379 corniche.
Sherpa
Pollyfella was a hundred yards to the good in front, but on that
gradient it was as good as a quarter of a mile. The Bird tipped his
baseball hat in homage to the mountain goat who actually maintained a
running gait to the top... Whoa!
The
pain and suffering on the pack were pitiful to see - BroadS, fresh from
his Buckland Bounder 6 miler on Saturday, led the Penners Manopause and
Erection, both palpably unsuited to mountain climbing. Binoculars were
needed to identify the rest of the pack just embarking on the alarming
ascent.
Usual running buddy Man-Pig stole a march whilst I filmed the spectacular Eiger Sanction (1975) and that effectively was that.
Down
Better Flee lane fled the Bird in vain pursuit. The last L/S split
appeared at the bottom of the rutted country lane and old habits Die Hard (1988) as I turned onto the long briefly before sadly reining back onto the short.
Passing
the Ferry Boat Inn at exactly 4 miles, the dashboard was awash with red
warning lights. The sight of hashers reclining outside the pub made the
last climb to the car park even harder.
I came, I saw and, most importantly, I got round! Thank you Swinger and Well Hopped!
THE DOWN-DOWNS
A spin of the coin decided the RA - Man-Pig.
Man-Pig
was still recovering from having paid a staggering £5.40 (how much?)
for a pint of Beavertown Neckoil (tasted like lemonade!) when Teapot
arrived with excellent news. The pub had more than excelled by donating a full 4 pints of Tribute for the Down-Downs. Thank you Ferryboat Inn.....most generous and very gratefully received.
1st Down-Down:
Smellie was going to award the horned hat to Shitfaced for being the
Pied Piper of Hamlyn leading eight SCB's but Shitfaced had already gone
to pick up his son.
Always
have a Plan B so Smellie selected dear old dad (Well Hopped) instead - a
note for the inconsiderate father (which self-respecting Dad would let
their daughter work in a brewery?)
2nd Down-Down:
Teapot gave the Hash shirt to pink teeshirt attired Kermit for
decamping immediately to the pub but making the error of trying to hide
from onlookers - a note for the Pink Panther, please.
3rd Down-Down:
No more physical awards to hand out. Nevertheless, Bobbiball got a
Down-Down for pathetic parking - a note for Reginald Molehusband that
transcended into the usual, "Bobbiball, Bobbiball, Bobbiball etc...."
Never mind, as a result of being the driver, BB was topped up by Bobby's
pint.
A BEER TOO FAR (2022)
Still far too much beer to give away. Were there any more stories? A civilian piped up, "I am Almost Desperate*.
I used to run with you years ago. I never completed a run and have the
badge to prove it". 'Come forth for a DD', implored Forrest but he made
a beeline for the bar.
Bobbiball
was put in the frame yet again and nominated for failing to complete
the Walkers' trail but escaped a double down-down.
Arkangel
came to the aid of the party by dobbing Forrest in it for directing him
to the toilets. Forrest called his own down-down with: 'Here's one for
the urinals!' B'BOOM!
Finally,
the hares had their well-earned drink to the chorus of 'Hold it in your
hand, Mrs. Murphy' though Well Hopped almost collapsed with a laughing
fit en route!
All leftover beer was kindly distributed by Forrest.
Thank
the pub for the beer! Despite a fantastic 4 pints of Tribute
contributed by the pub, the absent-minded RA forgot to thank the pub!
I did, however, on several visits to refuel, thank Matt the landlord and Matt the barman for their hospitality.
* Actually Shaldon and Stokeinteignhead councillor Chris Clarance which might explain his reluctance to take a public Down-down.
NEXT WEEK
Sousson's
Plantation near Grimspound, Dartmoor (not too far from the Warren
House Inn). Exact details to be posted on our Facebook page.
Now it's Time to go home, time to go home, Man-Pig and BB are waving goodbye, goodbye..
On-On to next week!
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