Monday 31st October map

 

TVH3 The Words for 24th October 2022

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell

iPood's 18th birthday hash - Run No. 1940

 

HARE: Shitfaced and "friend"

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, iPoo'd, Archangel, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Threesum, Pisswell, Soapy, Melonpicker, Teapot, Wetfart, Warmfront, Big End, Well-Hopped, Ned, Strap-On, Piddler, U-Bend, Hotlips, Zoot, Bobbiball (pub only) & pub staff Park'n'Ride and T-Humper.

 

The Circle

The circle commenced with Smellie reiterating her request for a Hare for 14th November - and thereafter - 5 slots left till the end of the year. Man-Pig requested a volunteer for the Words. No takers. Ah well!

 

Man-Pig described the trail: "Walkers' 3. Shorts' 5. Longs' 6. Judicious use of flour means that marks are few and far between. On the Shorts' trail, if you find yourself on a long, flat broad track - keep going. Ergo, on the Longs', if you find yourself going uphill on another wide track, as long as you're still going uphill you're on trail".

 

And with that, we were off.

 

The Trail (see map attached - courtesy of Streetmap)

Despite the forecast, the weather was dry and ridiculously mild for the time of year. A zig-zag through the village to the Hungry Horse/Clipper via a couple of checks kept the pack together.

Then it was up Coffinswell Lane, over the top, and into Coffinswell. Another couple of checks en route kept Warmfront and Big End busy whilst a late Pisswell caught us up. Another check by the Linney pub had the pack grinding to a halt before turning left and going uphill, past Connybeare and Blue Hills (the latter famous for its helicopter - regrettably now sold).

 

During this stretch, I had a conversation with Archangel and Melonpicker about the weekend's rugby. The Chiefs had so very nearly beaten Saracens on Saturday afternoon. But the weekend's highlight was Gloucester's Adam Hastings drop goal against London Irish.

 

Just before reaching the back road between Newton Abbot and the top of Torquay near Barton Hall, we came to the Long / Short and Walkers' split. The Longs went straight ahead and down a rutted track towards Haccombe House. The Shorts' and Walkers' tracked across a field to the Walkers'/Shorts' split. The Walkers' returned towards Coffinswell whilst the Shorts' took them down Long Lane and towards Centrax on the Milber trading estate.

 

Sweeping the Longs, I could see torchlight in front of me. This was just near the stone arch at Drum Cottage. I guessed it was Pisswell with Warmfront out of sight at the head of the pack. I was wrong. To my amazement, it was Smellie.

 

"Are you meant to be on the Long?" enquired the Pig.

 

"No".

 

"Well, you are now".

 

We continued on the Longs' trail past a couple of kicked-out checks. The single-track road between Netherton and Haccombe House is pretty straight and level. By the time we reached this road, we could see two torches and a blue glowing collar 300 yards distant. This was Big End, Ned and Well Hopped checking out the next junction. Despite offering an unmarked shortcut, Smellie elected to commit to the Long and kept up a pretty impressive pace. This, despite a continually slipping knee support.

 

For the next two miles, we could just keep the shadows of the leading torches within sight. At Netherton, arrows took us up the interminably long, and suitably named, Hiller Hill. This took us up to the Milber industrial estate where we rejoined the Shorts. As expected, all the checks had been kicked out by the Shorts who, by rights, should have been a mile in front of us.

 

By the time we dropped down into Kingskerswell, behind the quarry, we'd caught up with one of the FRB's - Pisswell. Smellie had done incredibly well taking on an unplanned Long for the first time in ages, and with a dodgy knee. Fortunately, there were no supermarkets en route this week to distract her!

 

Back in the pub, a headcount revealed an anomaly. Not everyone was back. It then transpired that Big end and Well Hopped had the kids for half term and had needed to get back to relieve the babysitter - probably Roger the Dodger. But still, one person missing - Archangel. Twenty minutes later, Archangel appeared. He had walked the Long! Well done.

 

The Down-Downs

Bat Hat from Hotlips to U-Bend for proposing a Threesome to well, err, Threesum, and Soapy; a note for the sex pest.

 

Horned hat from Slip-on-Me to iPoo'd for engaging her as the kitchen assistant; a note for Egon Ronay.

 

Smellie's hashshit shirt to iPoo'd on the occasion of her 18th birthday; all the right notes - not necessarily in the right order.

 

Final half pint to Shitfaced for being joint Hare.

 

Postscript

I cannot let Man-Pig's efforts be omitted from the words.

The advertized 'Shitfaced and friends' jolly hare trio failed to materialize as I was still laid low.

Man-Pig had planned both the long and short trails and had sent the maps to me, making my email to him all the more difficult..

 

With the GM marking the walkers' trail, MP took on both trails, sending an email after some three and a half hours stating that at least he had a couple of hours to recover before the circle.

Man-Pig then went round the six-mile long once more, before R A'ing proceedings from the Park. 

 

Undoubtedly, the hero - not now unsung - of the hour, as all will agree. 

 

You may not have had a downdown, MP, but rest assured, I will get you a pint next time.

 

Next week

Newfoundland Way car park, Newton Abbot with Hare Soapy. this is the Halloween Hash so fancy dress is mandatory. the On-down is the pub opposite the car park "12-21". Please order your food before the run.

 

On-On to next week. MP

 

TVH3 The Words for 17th October 2022

Teignmouth Rugby Club

 

Run No. 1939

 

HARE: Polyfella

 

Who wuz there: Polyfella, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Wet Johnny, Wet Johnny's son, Wet Johnny's son's friend, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Ablesemen, Beefy, Pisswell, Teapot, Wetfart, Warmfront, Big End, Well-Hopped, Ned, Ernie, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Fukarewe, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Hotlips, Zoot, Bobbiball, Mateus Rose, Rise 'n' Shine, U Bend, Swinger and Piddler.

 

The Circle

The circle commenced with Smellie requiring a Hare for 14th November. Man-Pig requested a volunteer for the Words and, not for the first time, Bluebird was the agent of his own downfall. A spooky wave of his hand confirmed that he'd volunteered as scribe.....despite looking decidedly under the weather.

 

Polyfella was dressed as a Bavarian in aid of Oktoberfest, although Man-Pig thought he was promoting Swiss cheese and yodelling. 

 

The description of the trail was brief. Long 6. Shorts 4. Walkers about two and a half. Most importantly, there was a beer stop near the end of the trail, "Fill your boots!". Additionally, we would be waited on by a beer wench with "Big Jugs!" What more could the Hash wish for?

 

The Trail (Longs)

1939 "Oh dear. Oh dear." (King Charles III) The outbreak of war. And so it seemed for this auspicious run number as the first mile was undertaken at breakneck speed. Initially, Man-Pig led the pack left out of the rugby club and along the A379 towards the Shaldon Bridge where we crossed to the north side of the A379 and continued towards Newton Abbot.

 

Warmfront took the lead with photographer, Beefy, in hot pursuit. Man-Pig and Arkangel commented on how effortless Warmfront's running was as she disappeared into the distance. We almost overshot an arrow that took us along the footpath that runs along the edge of Broadmeadow.

 

The next mile was excruciatingly fast....well under 10 minutes. Warmfront leading along the narrow footpath where a dozen or so fallen fence panels had to be negotiated as well as criss-crossing the partially exposed cast iron water main that is supposed to be submerged below the path....but isn't! Beefy occasionally stopping to take a snap or two. Man-Pig running as hard as he could with someone breathing down his neck. This proved to be Wet Johnny with Big End a short way behind.

 

By the time we'd reached Coombe Way, the Pig and Big End were knackered. This was where the Walkers'/Long Short split was. The Walker's went right whilst the Longs' and Shorts' trails went left and uphill. Wet Johnny, son and son's friend had caught up and, after 500 metres, we came to our second check. A footpath to the right looked promising and took us up towards Ashhill Farm. Here we came to a Long/Short split with the Longs heading left, down Old Walls Hill and into the upper reaches of Bishopsteignton.

 

The marks were close and clear as we were directed down Radway Street and Radway Hill then right along Fore Street and up Clanage Street eventually arriving at another Long/Short split near the Old Commercial Inn. 

 

We carried on up Smith Hill where Warmfront ran out of electricity. "I'll have to run with you" suggested Warmfront to Big End. "Not at that f***ing pace you won't", thought Big End - but said nothing. His face was a picture. Man-Pig saved the day with a spare torch and that was the last we saw of Beefy and Warmfront till the beer stop.

 

The trail did a tight, conservative style, U-turn onto Teignview Road. As feared, arrows now took us up the steep footpath past Radway Farm and onto Humber Road. We entered the Humber Down plantation that runs along the edge of the road and then exited back onto Humber Road. A right followed by a left and then an arrow into White Copse and the picnic area where Bobbiball celebrated his birthday last year. The footpath looks entirely different by night. Lots of soft leaves and tree roots which are perilous when wet. Fortunately, tonight it was bone dry.

 

Leaving the woods we came across the Hare near the Golf Club; we were offered a shortcut which we declined.

 

A steep downhill whence we'd been, Old Walls Hill, before the trail took us left and into a field of cattle followed by a recently tilled and seeded field. Calls to the right of us. It was the Hare guiding us onto Shepherds Lane.

 

A long downhill took us to its junction with Coombe Way at Headway Cross. Left and downhill again along Headway Cross Road, past Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Mateus Rose and Rise'n'Shine and into the western outskirts of Teignmouth. Straight across and then right into Coombe Vale Road where we caught up with Archangel. 

 

At last an arrow pointed down some steps to a very welcome drinks stop at a period Victorian terraced property - chez Polyfella.

 

The final leg was a left at the bottom of the first flight of steps and the "On Home" marked at Westbrook Avenue. A great trail and, also, the fastest trail of the year.....Big end and I will take a while to recover!

 

The Trail (Shorts)

The four mile short (exact to the yard) was interesting for a number of reasons I would rather not relate.

 

My grateful thanks go to Hornie for assisting me when I was in some distress. Forrest and Perry accompanied me for the rest of the trail and we had our share of adventure. 

 

Exiting the field of cattle homeward bound, Forrest took what I thought was a false step and tumbled over, adding further pain to his back injury. As I went to help him up, I stepped into a hole and ended up alongside Forrest. The ground by the stile was pock-marked with holes and we called out a warning to Well Hopped as she approached with Ned. 

 

Through and around a crop field we proceeded and just before reaching the road, Forrest's ski foot got stuck in the mud but fortunately, he stayed upright.

 

Swinger passed us as we descended back into town and Forrest kept me going until we hit a cross which proved to be outside Polyfella's abode and beer stop. Quite a few hashers were already there and supping the Deck Hand.

 

There was another casualty. Piltown informed me that Georgie had taken a tumble and grazed both palms on the unforgiving tarmac. I trust it is not too serious and heals up without infection.

 

Bobby was not in the bar when I got back and, as he had my money, the Grand Master most kindly lent me his card to get a drink and some chips.

 

The downdowns were a bit of a blur but I enjoyed the atmosphere. I was very happy to get my Bluebird baseball hat back unharmed - thank you Pork Torpedo.

 

I have taken on board the wise advice given by Pork Torpedo and Archangel and will be more careful next time.

 

Thank you Polyfella for the trail and hospitality.

 

The Down-Downs

Fukarewe Bat Hat to Hotlips "Come inside"; Songmeister "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Pork Torpedo horned hat to Slip-on-Me "do you live here or are you just a charitable beer stop?" Songmeister, "She a little flat chested.....".

 

Pork Torpedo lost property to Bluebird (stuffed down his trousers).

 

Bobbiball almost to himself for mobile phone ringing in The Circle but trumped by Smellie's on trail trip to Morrisons for her weekly shop! Songmeister, "Wrap you lips around my meat....".

 

Last quarter of a pint to the Hare for an excellent trail and beer stop.

 

Next week

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell. IPood's "18th birthday. Hare, Shitfaced and "friends".

 

On-On to next week.

A DEATH TRAP & A GATE TOO FAR

by the Blues Brothers

 

Run #1938 Monday 10th October 

 

from the Crown & Sceptre at St Marychurch 

 

with the Blues Brothers.

 

The notorious Blues Brothers were back and those that made the circle knew that a Boys Own Paper style adventure Shirley was on the cards.

 

It was a return to the Crown & Sceptre - as requested by the Grand Master - and fortunate indeed we were that it was still there. No Dave Wheeler to give us a super hash-friendly welcome as a new brewery had taken over and installed its own management. The plethora of memorabilia sadly had been stripped away. 

 

But never mind, we were back and, without further ado, let's get on with it.

 

Just in, Man-Pig's roll call:

Who wuz there: Bluebird, Bobbiball, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Fukarwe, Soapy, Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Beefy, Pisswell, Teapot , Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Piddler, Swinger, visitors from PAD Hash (Portsmouth & District): Turn-Up Tony & harriet (Mrs Turn-Up Tony?)

 

A beautifully sunny day welcomed the hares as they set off around 2:30 for the lay.

While I waited for Bobby to lay a short section, I met a lady dog walker with an interesting hash story. 

 

She had, in years gone by, hashed out in Kuwait and ladies were not allowed to wear shorts and advised to go accompanied at all times on the run. She and her companion, brave as can be, were wearing shorts (in sultry heat) and somehow went astray from the trail. They suddenly found themselves in a fish market and were chased by irate stallholders and shoppers! Fortunately, they were more fleet of foot than the angry mob and got away to tell the tale.

 

By Watcombe beach car park, we paused awhile to gather breath. Bobby gave the marching orders, and I proceeded to Brunel woods and the Brunel's Dance totem, the designated RG and sweetie stop.

 

That was the last we saw of each other as Bobby laid a lonely furrow through King George while I limped back along the Teignmouth road.

 

The trail was not yet complete as there was the first long split to lay. This would prove to be quite a task but being spent, it would have to be a last minute addition.

 

The light was fading as I set out at about 6:20 to complete the loop. The hash had negotiated this split a few years back (with the aid of ropes as it was muddy) but there was a snag tonight. The existing animal track up from Petitor beach was now heavily overgrown and, only twenty yards up, the brambles and vegetation were neck high.

 

Time was now critical, so there was no Plan B. I was forced to smash a way through, tacking sideways to gain passage. Where high brambles barred the way, I threw myself backwards to flatten them, wildly splashing flour as I careered. The established track was reached and then it was a stiff climb to the cliff path and back from whence I had come. 

 

The question in my mind was whether to keep the split or yield to sanity. Cometh the circle and Crazy Horse would not yield, so why should the demented Bird?

 

The circle in the tiny back car park was dark indeed and without Man-Pig's assistance (now arrived, see above), I will not attempt to name the two dozen or so souls that assembled.

However, a hasher from Southampton, down on holiday, had somehow found us - welcome Turn-up Tony, for turning up and adding to the evening's entertainment.

 

Bobby wanted me to leg it to the SS with the sweeties, but that was not possible as I had to be on station for the highly dubious first long split. Bob played the white man and, at the off, would set off up the road - just over a mile to hold a welcome in the woods.

 

Much was said before the hares were summoned, but being hard of hearing, it all blessedly passed me by.

 

A warning was given concerning the suitability, and indeed, the viability of the first long split. Knowing what the hare was capable of, most wisely heeded the warning.

 

While Bobby kept the circle entertained, I slipped away to get in position for a fly-by at the first roundabout.

 

Lying up with the pack approaching the first long/short split, I made a careful note of those venturing forth for adventure. All passed muster. 

 

There was hard man Beefy; rugged Wet Johnny; fearless but highly capable Man-Pig and, accompanying them two harriets - Pisswell and Swinger. All were together and the terrain was such that they would be forced to stay together for the test.

 

After watching them drift downhill into the gloom, I got in position at the summit of the climb to await the Famous Five who had taken up the challenge.

 

Several minutes elapsed with no sign. A faint cry was heard far below and then silence. I cautiously descended to get a better sight of any head torches. A hundred yards down I made myself comfortable and waited. Suddenly, to my great relief, head torches illuminated the lower reaches of the climb. 

 

Wet Johnny was to the fore but as he shouted the on-on, he crashed down the slope into the thick stuff. Cries of woe were heard but Wet Johnny rose, rubber ball style and continued.

'Tack across, follow the light!' came the encouragement from above and one by one, the pioneers and real hashers, came onto the animal track and the sharp ascent.

 

That was my lot, I was exhausted. Returning to the pub, Piltown, Georgie and Chocca accompanied me and my thoughts were for brave Bobby, who must have been as tired as me.

Over to Bobby now for how it went belly up when we went our separate ways on the lay.

 

A GATE TOO FAR by Bobby Woll

 

All was going well on the lay until the hares decided to split up and meet at a gate on the main road which led into the fields back to St Marychurch. Unfortunately, Bluebird didn't realize it was just 10 yards further along from where he thought it was and so decided to change the route unbeknown to Bobbiball. 

 

So the hares failed the two most important rules, to one, do a recce, two, keep together, and, on reflection,, don't hare with a gammy leg.

 

Thus, what we ended up with was hashers all over the place. One went down to the shops and back; some to the first long and back; some doing Bluebirds trail; and some doing Bobby's trail!

 

Finally, well done to the walkers who manfully and, womanfully, got to the sweetie stop only to find most had already been there!

 

Thank you, Bobby, I was hoping to keep quiet about that, but there we go.

 

At the bar, snippets were heard. Turn-up Tony had seen Piddler flip over but Piddler stated that Tony also had come a cropper. Big End, Well Hopped and Ned - avoiding the death-trap, had made rapid progress around the two other long splits and had probably got to the SS before anyone else. 

 

The long was only four and a bit miles, but I had factored in the degree of difficulty of the first long, so most made it back by 9 pm.

 

DOWNDOWNS

Fukarwi was awarded the Baby Bat hat by Well Hopped for a former hash misdemeanour.

 

Turn-up Tony had a DD and the honour of the Horse Head hat (jamais vu since the Awards Night at the Wild Goose) for his tumble.

 

Bobby retained the Hashit shirt as Pork Torpedo would not sanction the other hare having it.

 

Soapy had the Viking Horned hat for taking the Bird brain seriously and then proceeded to annoint the Horse with beer.

 

POSTSCRIPT

The trail lay was by far the best part of the day. Difficult to decide which of us was the most tired at the end. Bobby, sufferering from many injuries or the Bird, having been sidelined with a non-covid virus for ten days which left me very weak. We had that young man, Man-Pig on emergency standby, but pride carried us through.

 

Well done, Bobby and also my thanks to Beefy, Wet Johnny, MP, Pisswell and Swinger for their bravery - and not a single reproach or complaint.

 

POST POSTSCRIPT

I know I can be a little loud, Oh Dearly Sometimes Offended, but do bear in mind that my circumstances prevent me from going out most days and when I do manage an excursion, I try and make the most of it. 

 

ON ON to next week and the Teignmouth Rugby Club with Pollyfella.

TVH3 The Words for 3rd October 2022

Slade Cross, Lustleigh

 

Run No. 1937

 

HARES: Pisswell & Forrest-Stump

 

Who wuz there: Pisswell, Forrest-Stump, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Arkangel, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Soapy, Palmolive, Ernie, Coldtits, Beefy, Tamsin, Teapot , Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Roger the Dodger & son, Bobbiball

 

The Circle

Slade Cross is certainly a virgin starting point for Teign Valley Hash. This presented some interesting parking solutions around the junction. This included Man-Pig parking on a small mountain and thus denying Bobbiball the opportunity to alight the vehicle.

 

Forrest's knowledge of the highway code was found wanting as he directed several hashers to park in a bus stop. Teapot, meanwhile, had arrived early and was intent on testing the integrity of the local farmer's burglar alarm system. Yes, Teapot. It works! Grovelling apologies to the farmer.

 

The Circle commenced with the usual announcements. In the absence of a lift from Georgy Porgy/Piltdown Man, Smellie contacted Shitfaced by means of wireless communications courtesy of Enrico Marconi. We need a Hare for 24th October......volunteers, please.

 

Shitfaced then added that only eight slots are available between now and the end of the year. Step up and claim your slot to lay a trail. Man-Pig requested a scribe and Pisswell kindly offered.

Finally, Soapy reminded everyone of Rambo's memorial service/ life celebration on Sunday. If anyone would like to join a throng of hashers for a curry afterwards, in Newton Abbot, please see Soapy in The Dolphin after the run.

 

The Trail by Pisswell

Please sing along to Teddy bears picnic tune! It changes as guided, probably better guided than the hash!

 

If you go down to Shaptor woods you're sure of a big surprise

If you go down to park at Slade cross you’ll see all the other guys

Though Beefy ran, most hashers there was

Invited there for certain because

Today's the day Teign Valley runs over Forest!

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

He volunteered to co hare and park. A Parking attendant he’d be!

Responsibility went to his head and he took no notice of me!

He gave himself the disabled spot

Drove Manpig out of the parking lot

And up the bank so Bobby ball can’t get out now!

( picnic time for teddy bears tune)

 

Circle time for both co-hares

They didn’t tell us much

So It's a guessing game today

marks might catch you unawares

They’ll be on both sides and

checks are in a random way!

Teapot had had a nose about

Shitfaced is back with gout

And Smellie needs some hares

There are no rules in hashing

So let’s just follow the trail, and

don’t “do” in the woods like the bears!

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

If you’re a long in the woods today, you'd better start up Slade hill

If you’re a walker or a short,

on to the old hospital

You reach Hawkmoor and try out some checks

You find a split and the longs go left

The top of the hill, they find the first of the “ha has”!

( picnic time for teddy bears tune)

 

Descending back down to the path

They join the shorts and walkers

Up until they split again

Both got to do a super hill

How lucky is Well Hopped?

the brambles not,

the only things to kill!

Longs do another wild goose chase

They have another case of “ ha ha” to turn back

At the stile,

they meet again

To enter the Woodland trust

For their journey up to Shap tor.

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

If you follow the marks, you’ll find a post.

lost a Teapot along the way

Round the fallen tree

Up hill it will be

Find the place to be for the day

For the sweetie stop was up at Shap tor

With a string of lights

To make it look more

Of a lovely sight to welcome all our hashers.

( picnic time for teddy bears tune)

 

Decision time for hashers now

Either left for the long, commitment to 5 plus miles today

Walkers there’ll be 2 to home

Whilst shorts turn left, at the old signpost, to Pixie Copse.

What I failed to say to some, was that the third “ha ha”means to return same way

So Rodger the dodger and Well hopped’s brother were lost out in the woods

They were tired and alone and afraid!

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

Meanwhile chief hare was sat on a log

Encouraging light to work

When it came on, I was startled to see, a hornet circling me!

It wouldn’t shake off, tried all the tips

Until it stung the top of my lip

I ran for home, bollocks to rest

Will they make it?

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

They found the longs and followed them wrong

The cottages they did see

I was told me off for placing a cross

For Tamsin beneath a tree

To Shaptor farm and Furzeleigh cross

But now like the two they also were lost

They were guided home by Well Hopped on phone

 

Piss ‘N Forrest!

 

The Trail by Man-Pig

The trail took us up Slade Lane towards the reservoirs. After a couple of hundred yards, the Walkers and the Shorts peeled off right and along a public footpath. The Walkers would be on an in/out trail to the sweetie stop - around two miles. The Longs continued on; up and up and up Slade Hill before being directed right, along a footpath and into Shaptor Down.

 

The Longs comprised Beefy, Big End, Man-Pig, Tamsin and Ernie. What goes up must come down and it wasn't long before we were on a steep wide path, past Gladstone Rock, to rejoin the Shorts and the Walkers. Then a 200 yard uphill slog only to be confronted with the first of the evening's three Ha-Ha's.

Back on the Shorts' trail again and another Long/Short split only to arrive at another Ha-Ha. Return downhill to the last Long/Short split. This took us up an overgrown and very steep but, thankfully, short climb.

 

At the top of this climb, we encountered Forrest and Perry who directed us left and to the illumined sweetie stop at Shaptor Rock. We knew that we were on the right trail because all of the Walkers and the Shorts were now on the reverse trail back towards Slade Cross.

 

This proved somewhat confusing for poor old Ned. He had made the outward trail with his mistress but now wanted to continue on the rest of the trail with his master. In true hash hound fashion, he elected to stay with his mistress. That would be much shorter.

 

Shaptor Rock was both pretty and pretty impressive. It was rather like Santa's grotto with rope lights directing us towards the sweeties. 

 

Re-energised with wine gums (non-alcoholic) we embarked on the final Long/Short split. We were pretty high up, around 240m, as we exited Shaptor Down and headed along the public footpath towards Shaptor Farm.

 

Through the farm we proceeded and continued down the public footpath past Higher Bowden before passing through woodland and exiting into an open pasture. Here we alarmed two ponies and also ran out of marks. We spread out looking for the elusive white dots. Small mushrooms caught the torchlight and, for a fleeting moment, confirmed that we were on trail.

 

Eventually Big End found a stile and an exit onto a small lane. An arrow had us running downhill, due south, and past Lower Bowden to Furzeleigh Cross. Just before the crossroads, a check had us turning due west and along two parallel footpaths - one official and, one not. The unofficial footpath looked like an old Devon bank with a thoroughfare running between the two manmade banks. 

 

A long zig-zag through the woodland of Stonelands, Shaptor Wood and Northcombe Cross eventually saw us rejoin the return trail at the point at which we'd last seen Forrest and Perry.

 

At last an OH sign. Beefy and Big End blazed the reverse trail....or not as it turned out. We found ourselves on a broad , steep downhill track; easily wide enough for a tractor. We had not been down here before so we assumed that it must be part of the Shorts' trail. It was not. By the time we'd reached the back of Hawkmoor Cottage, Beefy realised that something was wrong. It was back up to the last check - at the top of a very long hill. A mile detour. Oh well.

 

On the return, we caught up with Roger the Dodger and son. They had been off trail for quite a while. They had come across a Ha-Ha and didn't know what it meant, so they simply walked through it and spent the majority of the evening off trail. I still don't know if they ever found the sweetie stop.

 

Back at the last check, it was left where we should have gone right and we were back on a part of the trail we recognised. Soon we were back at Slade Cross - amazingly without any broken ankles. Some of the timber duckboards on the Longs were in pretty gash order with broken slats.

 

Back at the cars, no Bobbiball. We guessed, correctly, that he was already in the pub. The Longs agreed that it had been a lovely run; a trail that would be well worth repeating in the summer. 

 

Thank you Hares. An excellent job.

 

The Down-Downs

Awards were thin on the ground. So were the number of Hashers who had made it to the pub. Teapot, Ernie and Shitfaced had already gone home.

 

However, Ernie had passed on the Bat Hat to Man-Pig to award. Forrest had the Hashshit shirt and he was the first to name and shame. It could have been any number of hashers for reasons as broad as FRB'ing and parking misdemeanours. The actual recipient was Bobbiball for his inability to access or alight from a series of four wheel drives during the course of the evening. For such endeavouring mountaineering, there was a note for Chris Bonnington.

 

The only other award available was the Bat Hat. Not being the original recipient of the award from the previous week, Man-Pig hadn't been clocking misdemeanourNeverthelessles, a step-by-step account of the hash had been recorded by Roger the Dodger on his mobile phone. "We're just coming up to a blade of grass now. No. it's a fern....." fascinating stuff. Accordingly, a very brief down-down song for yakking on his phone on trail: "Yaketty-Yak. Don't talk back. Drink it down, down, down......"

 

Next week

Bobbiball and Bluebird are next week's hares. Bobbiball had a senior moment and advised that we would all be at the Dolphin again next week.....bless. With a little encouragement, he eventually recanted and advised that the trail would be from the Crown & Sceptre in St Marychurch. There is a tapas menu and you do not need to order in advance.

 

On-On to next week!