MONDAY'S DETAILS AND MAP

 Run #2026 Monday 24th June 7:15 pm circle up from The Bell Inn, 108 Drew St, Brixham TQ5 9JY with Beeflicker. 

 

THE SECRET OF SMELLIE'S SUCCESS

TVH3 The Words for 17th June 2024

The Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

 

Run No. 2025: Shitfaced & 'friend?'

 

HARE: a 'Friend'

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Archangel, Cheerio Beerio, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Shay, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Wetfart, Ernie, Piddler, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Warmfront, Miss'Ing, Swinger, Smash and 5 virgins: Christopher (Slip-on-Me's cousin), Justin (knows a couple of SH4 hashers) and 3 young ladies who's names I didn't catch (mea culpa). I think one of our virgins is Smash's niece.

 

Circle

The strong winds over the past week had subsided and given way to a beautiful evening. Shitfaced welcomed all back to the Lord Nelson. 

 

The first order of service was for the virgins to come forward to introduce themselves whilst the Hare ordained their trainers with flour. Our virgins comprised Christopher from South Africa who is Slip-on-Me's cousin and plays cricket. Next we have Justin.

 

"Who made you come Justin?"

"Oh. Just myself". Perhaps a pointer to a future naming?

 

We also have three young virgin Harriets . I recall that one is related to Smash....niece I think.

 

All flowered up [sic], it is over to the Hare Razor. Smellie has one spot left in October. Otherwise we're OK up until November. Sterling work Smellie. How do you do it? Little did we know that we would find out the secret of Smellie's success during the Down-Downs.

 

Back to Shitfaced for details of the scoff. It is cheese and biscuits and crusty bread with pickles at £5.50. I think we have 6 or 7 takers.

 

So, over to the "Hare". Shitfaced repeated some misinformation given to him the previous week by a "friend". Walkers' trail about 3.2 miles; Longs' trail about 5.2 miles. Shorts' somewhere in between.

It eventually transpired that these distances were wholly inaccurate; restating them in kilometres would have been far more accurate and would account for why we were all back in the pub by 8.30.

 

Over to the "friend" for more misinformation. What would today's run from Kingskerswell entail? 

 

Same old? Same old? Allegedly not. The "friend" advised that there was quite a bit of road but, when not on road, there would be a reasonable amount of virgin territory for both the Longs and the Walkers; not quite so much for the Shorts.

 

"Piffle", I'm sure was what most Hashers were thinking to themselves regarding the implausibility of virgin territory in Kingskerswell (but it has been done before on a Smash & Grab trail!).

 

Trail

The first section of the trail was the long slog up to the top of Fluder Hill. The Hare had marked two View Points which helped make the uphill slog worthwhile. The first was looking back down Fluder Hill towards Denbury Hill Fort and the silhouette of Dartmoor in the background. Further along, the second viewpoint looked across the valley and towards Edginswell and Hamelin Way.

 

At the crest of Fluder Hill, the trail took us past Kingskerswell Road and then right and into the woods and the Walkers/Long & Short split.

 

The Walkers' trail now took a footpath to the right. This drops, rises and then drops again before coming to an abrupt, and overgrown, stop. A short back check and down a flight of timber steps into Swallowfield Rise. This is part of a new housing estate at the Willows. 

 

At the end of Swallowfield Rise, the marks took us right and along Plantation Way for a short way before turning right again and up Wellsbury Close. It was then left and down a recently mowed path cut though an undeveloped area. Leaving the grass behind, the trail rejoined the Longs and Shorts' return trail back to Kingskerswell along the Torquay Road and Southey Lane.

 

The Longs and the Shorts shared the same trail heading east through woods before a backcheck had them grinding to a halt. Back they went until finding a dot. Over a well trampled hedge and then right and onto the public footpath that runs behind Barton Hall and down to Brown's Bridge Road. 

 

The mid-pack Longs and Shorts comprised Miss'ing, Manopause, Strap-On, Ernie, Smellie and Man-Pig. The FRB's would be Warmfront (getting lost and leading Beefy astray), Beeflicker and Wet-Johnny. All of whom I never actually saw on trail!

 

At Brown's Bridge Road, we came to the first of two Long/Short splits. I think Manopause took the Short. This is a tarmac footpath that drifts down to Broomhill Way. The rest went left along Browns Bridge Road towards Barton before an arrow had them turning into James Park (I think it is called James park but is marked as Broomhill Plantation on the OS map). This used to be the old tip. 

 

Many years ago, it was levelled off and earmarked for developement. I don't know it contamination or unsuitable ground conditions put paid to the development but it is now a public park. 

 

Beefy also tells me that, going back over 30 years ago it used to be playing fields. However, broken glass rising to the surface (more likely soil erosion around the broken glass) put a stop to the football too.

 

Once inside the park, we arrive at another L/S split. The Shorts have a boring canter along the path at the southern edge of the park. I think that Shay is the only Hasher I saw doing this leg. Everyone else went Long. Initially, this was along the path skirtng the northern periphery. This was until we came to a cross.

 

A short back check had us embarking upon a downhill narrow track. this zigged and zagged its way through nettles, under fallen trees and alongside deep holes. 

 

Eventually, we headed up back on James park near its southeast corner. The trail then took us back onto the tarmac footpath that Manopause had been on near Broomhill Way. An arrow had us pass through a gap in a fence and into the car park for Torquay Courts...oops! We then descended down Nicholson Road towards Sainsbury's.

 

Just before Sainsbury's petrol station, an arrow had us pass under a broken piece of fencing and along a very narrow track, over a stream (all of an inch deep) past a collapsed timber den, past an abandoned blue tent and then rampaging through very long grass only to appear at the edge of the A3022 below Sainsburys (my thanks to Gromit who took us through here on an AshHash in the middle of winter. How on earth did he find it?).

 

The return leg was a run along the footpath that runs parallel with the A3022 at the lower edge of the Plantation way and the new housing estate at The Willows.

 

Almost all were back in the pub by 8.30 apart from Roger the Dodger, Cheerio Beerio and Archangel. I never did find out where they had been.

 

Down-Downs

In the absence of Forrest-Stump, it was Man-Pig's turn to be RA again.

 

Firstly, a big "Thankyou" to the pub for opening....it is usually shut on a Monday. "Thankyou" for providing the Down-Downs and "Thankyou" for doing the scoff".

 

Next, it was a welcome to Justin, our only remaining virgin.

 

"So, who has a story or an award?"

 

The only award present is the Hashshit shirt that is residing with Shitfaced. At the Circle, a schoolboy of about 13 flies by on his electric bicycle. Cheerio Beerio is heard to say:

 

"I'd love to have a ride on that".

 

The schoolboy is not wearing a helmet and has very good hearing. He turns around and comes back for a second pass. Smelling salts are called for as a swooning Cheerio Beerio passes out. Now that she has recovered, there is a glass of water (Cheerio cannot drink beer) accompanied by, "Here's to the kiddie-fiddler...."

 

No other awards are present so it is Jackanory time.

 

"Are there any stories?".

 

Beefy alleges that he was led astray.....again. Last time it was Psycho this time it is the other half of the Topiary Twins. Warmfront picks a beer and we have a note for the "Misleader".

 

Next story. Strap-On reveals the secret of Smellie's success in recruiting Hares. Part way around the trail she is chatting away to Strap-On and says, "Poacher's volunteered for three trails but hasn't confirmed any venues. I really must get on top of him!" A note for the "Promiscuous one".

 

Our sole remaining virgin, Justin, gets a welcome half pint of ale accompanied by a very short song. It goes like this:

 

"You're stupid. You're stupid.

You're so damn dumb.

If your Mother hadn't been there,

you'd be a lump of cum!"

 

Hopefully, we'll see Justin again!

 

The final half goes to the 'friend' for Haring.

 

Next week

Now listen carefully, I will only say this once:

Next week's Hash is from The Bell, Brixham. Our Hare is Beeflicker. The pub is offering chilli con carne and a vegetarian option at £9/head but Beeflicker needs food orders by Thursday night please. Also, be aware that there is no parking at the pub but there is a park behind the pub and parking should be available on roads around there.

 

Postscript: by the end of the evening, Smellie has filled the Hash Diary up to the end of 2052......amazing!

 

On-On to next week. MP

THE NELLIE THIS MONDAY

Run #2025 Monday 17th June 7:15 pm from The Lord Nelson, Fore St, Kingskerswell, Devon TQ12 5JB with GM Shitfaced and friends.

Hash fare will be cheese and biscuits/crusty bread at around the £6 mark.

The trail might well surprise.

TVH3 The Words for 10th June 2024

Ipplepen Cricket & Football Club

 

Run No. 2024: Wet-Johnny does it all!

 

HARE: Wet-Johnny

 

Who wuz there: Wet Johnny, Penner sons Gianluca & Harry, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Cheerio Beerio, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Wetfart, Satnav, Fukarewe, Ernie, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Miss Piggy, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Erection, Manopause,, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers, Miss'Ing, Rise'n'Shine, Twinkletoes, Piddler and returnees Swinger and Smash.

 

Circle

It is a lovely early summer evening.

Both motorcycles and returnees have come out of the woodwork to enjoy another Wet-Johnny trail. But, where will he take us?

 

Shitfaced, sans staff, welcomed a goodly number (38) into the Circle. The were no announcements so over to Smellie on Hare raising duty.

 

Smellie still requires Hares from July onwards and followed this up with some serious buttonholing in the On-Down after the run - well done. I hope you got some Hares. Smellie, with a little assistance, also advised that next week's Hash is from the Lord Nelson Kingskerswell. Shitfaced then pitches in to advise that scoff will be cheese and biscuits/crusty bread at circa £6/each.

 

So, over to our sole Hare for the evening, Wet-Johnny. He then imparts a little information about the trail. I recall that it was a Walkers' trail of around 3 miles; Shorts' about 4 and Longs' six-ish.

"Turn left out of the gate."

 

Trail

"Turn left out of the gate". It sounded fairly straightforward but this still failed to register with Smellie who ran past the exit gate and towards the cricket club changing rooms.

 

All back on trail, Beeflicker led us right at the first crossroads and into Ipplepen. The marks were so close together we were all stunned that we were "On" within 40 yards of the road junction. 

 

In Ipplepen, the trail took us right and along Bridge Street before another right along North Street for a short while. 

 

Next an arrow had us running up the incredibly narrow, but beautiful, Pater Noster Lane. As the name suggests, at the top of the lane is Ipplepen Church. 

 

The trail now takes us through the churchyard and, before we know it, we are running along Orley Road and heading for Orley Common. It is at this point, that our two young FRB's fly past me. Just behind them is Beefy on photographic duty.

 

Shortly after entering the common, we come to the first of the Long/Short splits. Beeflicker has already gone Long with the Pig and Beefy in hot pursuit. Surprisingly, our young FRB's elect to go Short. Do they know something that we don't? 

 

The Longs' trail follows the edge of the common covering the piece of ground whence Well Hopped got her name. Just as we are about to exit the woods I can hear voices to my right but I can't see anyone. I recognise the voices as Fukarewe and Ernie ........and they're on the Shorts!

 

We are back on Orley Road before a kicked-out check takes us up Torbryan Hill. Opposite the Church there is a Walkers/ Long and Short split. 

 

The Longs and the Shorts turn left past the church and up the beautiful public footpath that runs through the Old Rectory's gardens, complete with duckpond and ducks. The footpath has been recently mowed. It is all very tranquil. 

 

In the far distance, I get my last sighting of the FRB'ing Beeflicker and Beefy....the Beef Brothers? The trail now bears right and through a short piece of woodland. Here the Hare must have run out of flour as he has resorted to laying the trail in dead rabbits. Back on flour, the trail cuts a diagonal swathe northwest across a field and over a slate stile.

 

A cross to the left, dot to the right. The marks are close together again and we are not heading towards Broadhempston. At Wrenwell Cross, we arrive at the second L/S split. Right for the Shorts and straight ahead for the Longs.

 

"We will be turning right at the next public footpath" methinks.

 

Methinks incorrectly. We sail past the public footpath and up to Hallwell Cross where we turn right to rejoin the Shorts......or not as it turns out.

 

"Bugger! Where is he taking us?" To Denbury!

 

At the Union Inn, we bear right and follow part of Only Here for the Beer's trail from about 8 weeks ago. Sure enough, at Newton Cross an arrow takes us right. There is no sign of the Beef Brothers ahead and no sign of anyone else following. Shirley there are more than three on the Longs? Yes. Back at the On-Down, Miss'Ing confirms that she, too, has done all the Longs....excellent. Were there any more?

We would now be taking a right at the next junction - Ipplepen Cross. I arrive at Ipplepen Cross and stare at the kicked out check. Surely (there is an incredible urge to change to Shirley which must be resisted) some mistaka? We are carrying straight on. We must be turning right at Dornafield Cross (confusingly there are two Dornafield Crosses marked at either end of Dornafield Road on the OS map).

 

I arrive at Dornafield Cross (north). I grind to a halt. Another check and it is not kicked out to the right and past the campsite. It is kicked out straight ahead and towards Two Mile Oak. 

 

Disbelief turns to stupefied incredulity.

 

The marks do not lie. Another dead rabbit later and the trail takes us up to Two Mile Oak. It is then right, along the main road, before crossing to the other side of the road and onto the footpath behind Fermoys Garden Centre. I think this is a part of Piddler's last trail - but in reverse. 

 

At the end of the footpath, the OH. Thank goodness. My feet are hurting; 6.4 miles and we are back before the Walkers who, for some reason, have walked the Shorts.

 

Down-Downs

It was Man-Pig's turn to be RA. We started by thanking the cricket club for having us and for Dave and Clyde for volunteering to stay on to undertake bar duty for us after the cricket match had finished.

So are there any awards present from previous weeks?

 

Erection has the Hashshit shirt and the most obvious of reasons for awarding it to Shitfaced. Shitfaced is drinking water. A number of Hashers get their cameras out to secure photographic evidence of this nigh on impossible eventuality. Our Songmeister is with us and he comes up with "Twenty Toes".

Shitfaced almost got to leave the Down-Down table before being collared by Forrest-Stump. Lost property!

 

"Who has lost their staff, nay, their badge of honour?"

 

Of course, it is Shitfaced. His sobriety is somewhat short-lived as he has to down a second half pint of ale. Pork Torpedo comes up with a song that I don't recall hearing before - well done. Everyone laughs as the second half pint is despatched just as quickly as the first.

 

Returnee Swinger gets a downdown for something or another but takes a Twin Buffer style length of time in completing. Suffice it to say that Beefy managed to take seventeen photos during the exercise!

No more awards, or lost property, so it is story time.

 

Beeflicker has a story about a young Harriet who was ever so impressed with Piltdown Man's chopper. It gets worse. She was even more impressed by his shiny helmet. 

 

Georgy, is there something that you haven't been telling us for the past 15 years? The identity of our easily impressed Harriet? Squeaky Bum. The Songmeister comes up with a Hash version of "I don't want to join the army...." and some Hashers use the original words and have to be corrected by the Songmeister.

 

Finally, a half for our jack of all trades. He set the trail; he bought the Down-Downs; he cooked the chips and he cleaned the plates. A well deserved beer for our hard working, multi-tasking Wet-Johnny. The Songmeister comes up with a second song that I don't recall having ever heard before. It makes everyone laugh and that concludes the Down-Downs.

 

Now, it must be said that Piltdown-Man's Harley Davidson Deuce 1550cc twin-cam (blockhead) did catch many a Hashers' eye. Unfortunately, so did it's owner's builder's bum. This was when he was leaning over it explaining what was stock and what was aftermarket customising. You were jolly lucky that you didn't get a Down-Down. All you need to go with the bike now is a strategically placed tattoo, "Harley Parking Only".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell and our Hares are Shitfaced and 'friends'. The pub will be doing cheese and biscuits/crusty bread at circa £6 a head.

 

On-On to next week. MP

MONDAY'S DETAILS

 

Run #2024 Monday 10th June 7:15 pm circle up from Ipplepen Athletic Football Club, Moor Road Playing Fields, Moor Road, Ipplepen, Newton Abbot TQ12 5TT with Wet Johnny.

PLEASE NOTE

There will be a cricket match on at the same time so parking only in front of the footie club please and on the grass by the footie clubhouse if space is tight.

FOOD & DRINK INFO

There will be sausage and chips for £3.50, cheesy chips for £2.50 and a bar (bottles and cans). Card or cash payments for the bar. Ideally cash in the pot for the food.

Good to know rough numbers in advance for the food if possible. (Please indicate on this post.)

The club is run on a voluntary basis - all food and drink consumed will help support the club so come hungry and thirsty!!

TVH3 The Words for 3rd June 2024

Maddacombe Farm Estate

 

Run No. 2023 "Cheapest beer in town!"

 

HARES: Only Here for the Beer & Shitfaced

 

Who wuz there: Only Here for the Beer, Shitfaced, Forrest Stump, Woodcock, Man-Pig, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Arkangel, Wetfart, Satnav, Fukarewe, Ernie, Poacher, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Miss Piggy, Big end, Ned, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Psycho, Erection, Wet-Johnny and Dog End (or is it Two Little Shits?)

 

Circle

A new venue for us as we pitched up at Only Here for the Beer's abode at Maddacombe Farm estate.

Shitfaced was already into the swing of things with a glass of white wine but had no announcements.

Smellie still requires Hares from July onwards.

 

Wetfart gave us a brief update on Teapot. Essentially, there is no change other than the fact that he can now make it upstairs unaided......his wife has now moved in with her sister!

 

Man-Pig updated the Hash regarding Saturday's Devon A2B/SH4 Fallen Woman Memorial Hash. There was, as expected, a good turnout including a few A2B virgins from TVH3. It was good to see Broken Man again and £350 was raised for Broken Man's chosen charity, Pete's Dragon Suicide Support. We even had an airshow thrown in for good measure.

 

Over to our Hare, OHFB. He explained that there were Walkers', Shorts' and Longs' trails. The Shorts' trail would be about three/three-and-a-half miles and the Longs' a highly implausible six to six-and-a-half. It was two dots and on.

 

"Don't worry if you don't see any marks. Just carry straight on. You will know where you are. Walkers turn right out of the gate. Longs and Shorts turn left".

 

Trail

The Walkers turned right and went up past Foredown Kennels for a loop around Kerswell Downs.

The Longs and the Shorts trotted down Maddacombe Road, under the railway bridge, and to what we assumed was the Long/Short split at Maddacombe Cross. The marks looked like two whole bags of flour had been dropped. This would explain why the rest of the trail comprised of two dots and on and then no more marks for the next mile!

 

The Shorts went left along Bickley Road and towards Bickley Mill. I don't know if they then went up the footpath and onto Kerswell Downs or if they carried on up to Mill Lane and ran back via North Whilborough.

 

For the Longs, it was was a right turn and up the steep hill towards Abbotskerswell. The FRB's comprised the usual suspects; Beeflicker leading pursued by Beefy and Psycho, with Beefy frequently stopping to take photos. Then it was Man-Pig and Poacher with Wet-Johnny a little way behind. 

 

Regrettably, Poacher had taken a good old bang on the leg at work earlier in the day. Despite an initial turn of speed the bruising was too painful and the last I saw of poor old Poacher was at Whiddon Cross. But at least he had done the steep bit by this stage.

 

At Greatoak Cross, an arrow had us go left as we looped around to Whiddon Cross and a check. Psycho had jumped into a field and Beeflicker was checking out the lane that runs along the southern edge of Dainton Golf Course.

 

The trail took us straight across Whiddon Cross and towards the intriguingly named Gropers Lane (I really would love to know the history behind this name). 

 

The trail then took us left along Gropers Lane and a check at Dainton Cross. Beeflicker checked out right towards the former Hunters Brewery and was never seen again. Beefy carried on along Gropers Lane with Psycho in pursuit. We were on. But where was Beeflicker?

 

At Bulleigh Farm, an arrow had us descend down the western end of Bickley Road and towards Bickley Mill. We would surely be joining up with the Shorts very soon. 

 

At the bottom of the hill, another arrow pointing east along Bickley Road. Psycho was on a mission...a myopic mission as it turned out as she'd run straight past an arrow pointing us up Mill Lane. Beefy shouted and shouted "On-Back", "On-Back". Myopia was supplanted by a hearing impediment as all that was registering on Psycho's mind was "On-On". 

 

And On-On she went, passing Bickley Mill. She was finding dots of flour. She must be on trail. Faster and faster she went. She was on trail alright.......on the Shorts' Trail and running it in the wrong direction! Only a huge spurt by Beefy (I hope you have some washing powder for that) enabled him to catch her up and turn her around......wottamistakkatomakka.

 

With Beeflicker still AWOL, the Pig stole a lead knowing full well that it wouldn't last. Mill Lane climbs steeply before dropping down into North Whilborough. Amazing. Dots of flour...and quite a lot of them. Left towards New Barn and Doctor Mac's Lane (also known locally as poo lane due to the number of dog walkers who use the lane - fortunately a lot cleaner now than years ago). 

 

About 150 yards along Doctor Mac's Lane, an arrow directed us up a track known as Commons' Lane.

At the end of the track we enter woodland....and marks! Exiting onto the Downs proper I pass Arkangel and comment on how good it was to see that Bath had made it into the Gallagher Rugby Premiership final. They finished bottom of the table last year so quite a turnaround.

 

Across the common and I see Roger the Dodger and Ned appear from the left. Back into the woods on the north side of the common and I pass Coldtits.

 

"On-On" chants Coldtits.

 

"On-On", I reply.

 

It is dry but stony underfoot on the footpaths through Kerswell plantation so one has to watch their footing. There are also a lot of roots to undo the unwary. 

 

Unscathed, it is left out of the quarry car park, past Foredown Kennels, past Slip-on-Me (now no longer a Devon A2B virgin) and back to OHFB's for the cheapest beer in England. I salute you sir!

 

Down-Downs

Forrest Stump assumed RA duties for the evening. But only after the Hash had tucked into OHFB's sausages and burgers washed down by a beer or two - or, in Shitfaced's case, a poly bin of white wine.

 

The Hash thank OHFB for the Down-Downs and Forrest asks if there are any awards present?

 

There is a solitary award in view. It is the Union Jack stove pipe hat and it is perched on Fukarewe's head. 

 

Fukarewe starts with a story of a Hasher who was found collapsed on the road and the good Samaritan that stopped to give him a lift. The downed Hasher was Man-Pig and the Samaritan was Ernie. The Pig was walking up to the On-Down as it was only 600 yards from home. However, the offer of a lift for the final 400 yards was too good to miss. 

 

Nevertheless, this misdemeanour was not good enough for a Down-Down. Fukarewe has another story. This is about the trail. Fukarewe describes it as a "Tractor trail". Namely, a trail that looks like it's been laid by tractor. The tell tale splatter pattern of flour dropped from height was the giveaway. OHFB gets the hat, a beer and Pork Torpedo leads the Hash into the S.H.I..Y.T.R.A.I.L song.

 

There are no more awards so Forrest has a story about wine drinkers and the GM letting the side down.

"Why aren't you drinking beer?"

 

Shitfaced is made to substitute his wine for a beer to the accompaniment of Pork Torpedo leading with "The Grand Old Duke of York".

 

Forrest comes up with another story, which I can't remember. This results in Squeaky Bum being awarded a half pint of ale which she has no problem in making it disappear PDQ.

 

There is a Harriet's birthday to celebrate. Forrest is very tactful and does not disclose that it was Miss Piggy's 76th last Friday. She is driving so Ablesemen, who also had a birthday last week, is nominated to take the Down-Down. That disappears pretty quickly too. Forrest can't remember if it's all the right notes in the wrong order. All the wrong notes in the right order or all the right words, but not necessarily in the right order. 

 

The horrendous cacophony kicks off and ends with Ablesemen performing an equally rapid disappearing trick with a half pint of ale.

 

That concludes the Down-Downs.

 

Now, my preference is to Hash from a pub rather than someone's abode. This is because I like to try new pubs and engage in a bit of people watching with non-Hashers. 

 

But sometimes things just drop into place and everything flows along seamlessly. 

 

And so it was last night. OHFB had a couple of braziers going just in case anyone got cold and he also did a sterling job on the barbecue. A couple of settees had been placed in the barn so that Hashers could rest their weary limbs and a couple of cable drums doubled as dining tables.

 

There was a good selection of tinned beers, coke and wine. All at the ridiculously cheap rate at £1/can and the same for burgers and sausages. 

 

There was the usual banter about this and that. Beefy explained the reason why some bar stools only have three legs. It's all about quality control and the lower degree of tolerance that you can get away with on a three legged item.

 

Forrest Stump was practising for his next pantomime role as a lethario. Smellie and Psycho are sitting comfortably on one of the settees eating their burgers. Forrest decides that he is going to sit slap bang in the middle of them. The problem is that this is the two-seater settee.....all very snug.

 

At the end of the evening we say our goodbyes. It is only a short walk home for me and some Hashers kindly offer me a lift. The best offer, however, came from Psycho. I am sure that she didn't mean what she actually said but we all burst out laughing. I rather suspect we already have a potential Down-Down for next week. But thankyou for the offer. It was hugely flattering......maybe another time?

 

A huge "Thankyou" to OHFB for your hospitality. What a great evening.

 

But the evening wasn't quite over. As I walked home, a lot of Hashers cars passed me with shouts of "On-On". Then, just as I reached Foredown Kennels, a car coming towards me pulled over and stopped. The passenger asked if I needed a lift? 

 

So which Hasher had turned around to give me a lift? No-one. This was a young couple that I have never set eyes on before. I guess that I looked a tad dishevelled and I had no torch. 

 

So, whoever you are, thank you so much for stopping but I was nearly home. God bless you.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Ipplepen Football Club and our Hare is Wet-Johnny.

 

On-On to next week MP

ONLY HERE FOR THE BEER'S PLACE THIS MONDAY

 

Run #2023 Monday 3rd June Circle up from Maddacombe Farm Estate, Stoneycombe, Maddacombe Rd, Newton Abbot with Only Here For the Beer.

PLEASE BRING CASH!! BBQ food (burgers & sausages available) veggies bring your own. Bottled ales available at minimal cost. Byo if needed.

TVH3 The Words for 27th May 2024

The Manor Inn, Galmpton

Run No. 2022

 

HARE: U-Bend

 

Who wuz there: U-Bend, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Arkangel (late), Bobbiball (even later - pub only) Hotlips, Zoot, Wetfart, Satnav, Ernie & stepson?, Only Here for the Beer, and returnees Poacher, Deep Semen & Mouldy Dick!

 

Circle

Another bank Holiday. They're a bit like buses. We'll have to wait till August for the next one yet Easter and May account for three. Eventually, 23 turned up for a trail that is always picturesque and well worth the journey.

 

Shitfaced is back and has no announcements. However, we do have a virgin in our midst. It is Ernie's stepson (stepgrandson? - apologies, I did not get his name). Accordingly, the usual liberal dousing of flour is applied to a pair of rather clean trainers.

 

Smellie requires Hares from July onwards and Poacher volunteers to set a trail in July .......corn permitting. I think this refers to a crop rather than a foot ailment.

 

Man-Pig thanked Zoot for putting the Devon A2B/SH4 Fallen Woman Memorial Hash flyer on the TVH Facebook page. This will commence on Saturday 1st June at 12.30 from Oxen Cove car park, Brixham TQ5 8AY.

 

Over to the becycled, or should that be bicycled, Hare. The most important information that U-Bend imparted was that the pub kitchen closes at 8pm. Hence anyone wanting food would have to do their own thing if they wanted scoff - not even time to do the Walkers' trail. 

 

As a result, we were treated to 5 trails! A Long, a Short, a Walkers, DIY for Hotlips and Zoot who were planning on eating and a mystery trail for Arkangel - when he eventually turned up.

 

Trail

Walkers and Shorts turned left out of the car park whilst the Longs went right. Zoot & Hotlips did their own thing and Arkangel had yet to arrive.

 

The Longs did the usual trail up to Coombe Lane. At the first check, we could have gone right and towards Higher Greenway but the FRB's (Beeflicker and Beefy) had already kicked it out left.

At a stile that leads to a public footpath across two fields, the Hare arrived on his mountain bike to ensure everyone went the right way.

 

The trail now took us across the A3022 at Hillhead and down the John Musgrove Heritage Trail to Higher Alston - all very scenic. In a re-run of Piltdown Man's grand day out from last year ,we carried on to Alston Cross and straight over into Churston.

 

I was running/hobbling with Deep Semen and Poacher just behind. We turned left and up towards Churston Court. The Pig missed an arrow and had to be called back by Deep Semen. The trail continued on the JMHT, skirting along the edge of Churston Golf course where we joined up with the Walkers' and the Shorts' trails.

 

We continued down to Churston Cove and then it was left along the beech towards Elberry Cove and thence Elberry Farm. 

 

At the bottom of Greenway Walk, we passed the South West Water pop-up bottled water distribution point for those not wishing to succumb to cryptospiridium.....or for those resellers hoping to sell on the bottled water to sweaty tourists at the peak of the summer (if the weather ever improves).

 

We passed under the impressive Isambard Kingdom Brunel designed viaduct (constructed between 1864 & 1866) for the now redundant, railway line down to Brixham. 

 

Then it was immediately left for a short trot up the footpath that leads onto the downs; across Bascombe Road, then across the A3022 and an easy canter past the remains of the windmill and the On Home.

Not quite the trail I was expecting. Hence a very big "Thankyou" to our sole Hare for a very picturesque trail - even the rain pretty much held off until we were changed and back in the pub.

 

Down-Downs

Man-Pig assumed RA duties for the evening. The first order of service was to thank pub for the beer.

There are no awards present this evening so it is open to the floor to offer stories - true or not.

 

Shitaced has a story about parking and the latest hybrid cars with parking assist. Now this is alleged to be new technology. Not so. Tonight's parking assist is over 70 years old and comes in the form of Georgy Porgy. 

 

A scene emerged that was reminiscent of the ground crew at an airport who use a couple of table tennis bats to guide aircraft into their parking spots adjacent the air bridge. Georgy was waving her arms this way and that in order to get Piltdown parked safely. What was the cause of such a song and dance? Was it:

i) Piltdown has a new hybrid, automatic, hire car and doesn't want to scratch it?

ii) the Hare's van was parked in the middle of the car park thus restricting vehicular movements?

 

So who to have the Down-Down? Piltdown Man or the Hare. A quick look at the SPL (Sound Pressure Level) meter revealed the loudest cheer for U-Bend.

 

Mouldy Dick comes up with the next story. This involves non-existent counter cyclical trails. Mouldy is walking the Shorts. then, surprise, surprise, he bumps into Satnav and Squeaky Bum walking towards him. 

 

Mouldy is assiduously following marks on the right; as advised by the Hare. The Walkers are following marks on the left. So, who is at fault here? Mouldy, Squeaky Bum and Satnav or the Hare?

A quick look at the decibel meter declares the Walkers as winners.....or losers, depending on one's perspective of what a Down-Down represents.

 

Squeaky Bum gets the beer and Satnav opts for the water. We have the songmeister with us so it's over to Pork Torpedo for a ditty.....S.H.I..Y.T.R.A.I.L.

 

Next there is a story about friendly farmers and loose women. Pork Torpedo advises that the particular nature of the looseness was that a Harriet's tracksuit bottoms kept falling down. What was called for was a piece of baler twine. Now, where is a friendly farmer when you want one? 

 

Fortunately, Poacher was with us. Quick as a flash, he finds some cord running around the edge of a field. This he wraps several times around said Harriet's waist accompanied by a regular yelp and a jump from the Harriet. The baler twine is, in fact, a length of electric fence wire....and it is still connected!

 

 Whatamistakatomaka!

 

So who is our semi-naked, yelping and jumping damsel in distress? Horny!

 

Pork Torpedo inevitably comes up with a romantic love song....almost a lullaby. It is about about barrels and where they should be placed....."This is the girl for me!"

 

OK. So we're down to the final half pint. There is an apparition at the bar. An apparition that wasn't present in the Circle. It is Bobbiball.

 

Automatically there is a round of: "Bobbiball, Bobbiball, Bobbiball.........."

 

Has he arrived by bike, car, motorhome of Shanks's pony? It makes little difference. He is late so he gets the last DD.

 

Well, Bobbi was certainly late but not as late as one Hasher. Arkangel, not seen at the Circle, pitches up at 9.55.

 

"Where have you been?" Not on trail as it transpires.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Maddacombe Road, Kingskerswell. Our Hare will be OHFB and the trail will commence from his residence (map to be posted on FB). 

 

The On-Down is also chez OHFB and OHFB will be offering sausage, burgers and beer. If you want anything else, please bring it along yourselves.

 

On-On to next week. MP