BACK TO THE MOOR

 

Run #2034 Monday 19th August 7:15 pm circle up from Heatree Activity Centre, Manaton, Dartmoor, Devon, TQ13 9XE with Pisswell.

 

 

Proceed past Hound tor rocks, take the next left at Heatree cross and the Activity Centre is on the left partway up the hill.

 

YABBA DABBA DOO!

Please come along with Flintstone themed outfits if possible.

On down is the Rugglestone. down in darkest Widecombe in the Moor. 

 

 

 Rugglestone baguettes for Monday. Also available egg and bacon. Please phone in your orders yourself on 01364 621327. Don’t forget Flintstone outfits if you can! A pint to the wearer of the best outfit x

TVH3 The Words for 12th August 2024

Torquay Athletic Rugby Football Club

Run No. 2033 - Teapot's return!

 

HARE: Cheerio Beerio

 

 

Who wuz there: Cheerio Beerio, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Archangel, Hotlips, Zoot, Beefy, Pisswell, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Fukarewe, Ernie, Corry? (Ernie's grandson), Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Wetfart, Coldtits, Psycho, Runner Bean, Plonka, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Ned, Melonpicker, Soapy, Palmolive, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, U-Bend, Polyfella, Miss'Ing, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Wide Receiver, Wigwam, Mrs Sheen, Bobbiball, Miss Piggy, Satnav, Andy, Beth and virgins Peter (brought by Runner Bean) and a lady whose name I'm afraid I did not catch....and finally a big welcome back to TEAPOT!

 

Circle

Well, I pretty much missed the Circle. Like a lot of other Hashers, I was somewhat bamboozled by the parking arrangements. 

 

Fair enough, the Hare had advised that there were only about 10 free parking spots at TARFC....but where were they? They were immediately next to the clubhouse; the boundary between free parking and pay parking being delineated by some railway sleepers. 

 

The early birds comprising the Hare, Shitfaced, Pisswell, Forrest, Wide Receiver, Strap-On etc had bagged the free parking. For the others it all got, well, rather confusing.

 

First we had to identify the free and the not so free parking areas. Then we had to interpret some confusing signage regarding the parking at the Recreation Ground i.e. what if any of the parking spots were set aside for uses of the Recreation Ground (I didn't even know that the recreation ground and TARFC were one in the same). Then we had to work out how to pay. 

 

There didn't appear to be any ticket machines. Hence no way to pay by cash or card only. The Instructions on how to pay for your car parking seemed to require a combination of internet access and a credit card. 

 

Miss'ing couldn't access the Ringo app as she had a credit card but no mobile phone. Others had cash but no card. The preferred method of payment was by use of the Ringo app and registering a credit card. This, of course assumed:

 

1. that you had a smart phone

2. that there was decent signal strength

3. that you either had your credit card with you or could remember the number

4. that you were savvy enough to download and use the app

5. that you were comfortable with registering your credit card details on the app

 

This was all a bit of a faff and caused Cheerio Beerio no end of problems as one Hasher after another asked how do do this or that in relation to the parking. 

 

In fact, Cheerio was getting a bit flustered by it all. Some Hashers decided that they would double & treble park in the 10 free spaces and eventually got about 15 cars squeezed in. For others the cost and the faffing around was just too much. They simply moved their cars and parked on road.

 

For those that did use the Ringo app, the icing on the cake was, what I assume to be, a hidden fee. I assiduously followed the instructions on the Ringo app and registered my credit card. I paid £3.75 for three hour's parking as advertised. However, the app then bills me for £4.10. I had a good look at the parking signage and it looks as though there is no method of paying other than by the app. Hence the advertised prices constitute fraudulent misrepresentation as there does not appear to be any means of paying only the advertised parking charges without incurring a handling fee......or perhaps the advertised prices are out of date and the current fee is £4.10? Can anyone throw some light on the 35p discrepancy?

 

Eventually, I made it to the end of the circle and missed any announcements. Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy and Smellie were absent so no update on Hares but I think we're pretty OK for the foreseeable future.

 

It was over to the Hare who promised us some nice viewpoints and then fibbed about distances and directions. The Walkers' was about 1.5 miles; the Shorts' about 3 and the Longs' trail about 5 miles......allegedly. There was a sweetie stop and an opportunity for a swim (near the sewage outlet!). There was a single Long/Short split.....err plus the one at the entrance to the rugby club.

 

Trail

Wide Receiver was obviously paying less attention than I was and spent the first mile off trail. For everyone else, the Longs' turned right out of the car park and the Shorts' and Walkers' turned left along the seafront towards the centre of town.

 

The Longs went on a loop up Rathmore Road then left along Goshen Road, across Walnut Road, right along Rosery Road and Sandford Road before a U-bend into Millbrook Park. Up Mill Lane and onto Avenue Road. 

 

Up to this point, I was with the tail-enders on the Longs'; U-Bend, Soapy and Palmolive. By the time we crossed up to Chestnut Avenue and dropped onto the footpath between Torre Abbey and the Riviera Centre, I had caught up with Strap-On, Ernie and Pisswell. 

 

The trail took us across Torre Meadow (the bit without the Fair on it) to rejoin the Walkers' and the Shorts' trails along the seafront. Then it was left and up Shedden Hill Road, across the zebra crossing behind the site of the old Palm Court Hotel (long since been demolished and replaced with seafront bars and restaurants) and up onto Rock Walk.

 

Was this virgin territory for TVH3? I'm sure Bluebird will enlighten us.*

 

I have certainly done Rock Walk with AshHash a couple of times over the past two years but I don't recall ever having been up here with TVH.

 

At it's highest point, a VP had been marked. The sun is out and there is barely a cloud in the sky. We are treated to a spectacular view across the bay towards Brixham. We also have an eagle's (Seagull's) eye view of what is happening down at street level....including the FRB's heading back towards the rugby club. It was well worth the climb.

 

The descent took us down opposite the theatre and onto the promenade where we caught up with the Walkers. 

 

We followed the marks along the promenaded, zig zagging between tourists, young and old. 

 

Soon, "Man-Pig - stop". I had nearly overrun the sweetie stop. But this was no ordinary sweetie stop. This was a well orchestrated opportunity for a swim.

 

The pack divided into swimmers and non-swimmers. The landlubbers remained dry, nibbling Cheerio's titbits and taking in the view. In fact, Ablesemen and Slip-on-Me looked quite the part sat on their blue and white striped deckchairs.

 

"Enjoying your holidays my dears?"

"Oh yes".

 

For the swimmers, the initial shock of the cold soon faded and we had a job getting them out. 

 

Archangel had brought his kayak and was making sure that Hashers didn't get too ambitious and swim out too far. Beefy looked for all the world like a tourist on the Riviera. He had obviously been out in the sun whilst wearing a vest and he was now showing off his white bits. All he needed now was a knotted hanky on his head and he'd be a dead ringer for a 1960's tourist in Torbay.

 

Despite a thorough screening of all the Harriets exiting the sea, Man-Pig concluded that the winner of the wet T-shirt competition was Wet-Johnny.

 

Forrest decided to take on the role of hash-flash and snapped a couple of photos of the ensemble gathered on the beach whilst a wet Psycho decided to give a dry Man-Pig an unwanted wet hug.

When we got back to the rugby club, I did offer her the Hashshit shirt to dry herself with. It was declined. I can't think why.

 

Dip and nibbles over, it was back on trail. We continued along the promenade and then dropped down onto the beach for a couple of hundred yards before arriving at the Walkers/ Long & Short split opposite the rugby club. 

 

For the Longs and the Shorts, it was another drop onto the beach and then a climb up to Corbyn Head on the footsteps behind the beach huts....another piece of virgin territory. 

 

Beeflicker snapped a photo of the war memorial at the site of the Corbyn Head anti-aircraft battery.

The trail continued southwest along the edge of the A379 before an arrow had us crossing another zebra crossing and heading up Cockington Lane. 

 

The FRB's comprised Beeflicker, Beefy, Psycho, Well Hopped and a struggling Pig....too many sweeties at the sweetie stop. Another almost U-turn and back along Hennapyn Road and back to the rugby club.

 

There endeth the run. Yes, it was almost all road and no checks......at all. 

 

But this was more than made up for by the views from Rock Walk and Corbyn Head and the fantastic sweetie/swim stop.

 

A sterling solo effort by our Hare Cheerio Beerio....you can lay again!

 

*TVH has been along the Rock Walk in the distant past. A nameless hare once led the pack a merry dance in there with hashers colliding with each other on the sharp bends. 

 

Down-Downs

Back at the clubhouse, the undoubted highlight of the evening was the return of Teapot. I do not know who was more pleased to see who. Teapot has made a noticeable improvement over the past 10 days and came outside to witness the Down-Downs. 

 

Before the DD's, he told us how much he had missed us all and to thank all those that had been in contact with him.....we've missed you too Teapot....a lot.

 

It was also time to say goodbye to Wigwam and Mrs Sheen as they were returning to Poland early the next morning. Come again soon. It's always great to see you.

 

And then it's time for the Down-Downs with Forrest presiding.

 

The first up is U-Bend. He has the Shithead Hat. This he awards to Cheerio Beerio for getting in a fluster regarding confusing instructions as to how to pay for parking. There is only beer on the table so she elects for a glass of water instead. "Here's to the flustered one...."

 

Man-Pig was going to give the Hashshit shirt to the Hare for the absence of any checks. However, now that the water's gone and only beer left, he will have to find another candidate. Hence he turned his attention to a group of non swimming Hashers of a certain age. 

 

For some reason this group, who comprise Ernie, Strap-On and Fukarewe, are edging ever so slowly towards the southwest. What is the attraction? There nothing over there apart from three young women in the world's smallest bikinis trying to get on a paddle board.

 

"What paddle board?" pipes up Hotlips. Immediately, Man-Pig is gifted with the answer to his conumdren:

 

"To whom shall I give the Hashshit shirt?"

 

The Hashshit shirt immediately flies into Hotlips' arms for not paying attention at the swim stop.

"Here's to the short-sighted one....."

 

Another incident of short sightedness ....but what for & to whom? Cheerio Beerio reports on a very athletic hasher, but one who must be a little short sighted as he completed the first mile and a half completely off-trail. Didn't you Wide receiver? A note for the short-sighted one for the second time.

There is a story about an elitist Hasher who didn't want to swim with the main body of Hashers. So, he found his own beach for a private dip.......Roger the Dodger. A note for the elitist and a half pint of ale.

Shitfaced comes up with a wind-up story. He has convinced Forrest that his car has been clamped. Forrest panics and rushes over to his car. It is not clamped. "A note for the anxious one" or some such thing.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from somewhere near Manaton with Pisswell as Hare. Accurate details to be posted on the TVH3 Facebook page.

 

On-On to next week. MP

FANCY A DIP? BRING YOUR COSSIE!

Run #2033 Monday 12th August 7:15 pm circle up from Torquay Athletic Rugby Football Club, Recreation Ground The Seafront, Torquay TQ2 6NX with Cheerio Beerio.

 

TVH3 The Words for 5th August 2024

Trenchford Reservoir followed by the Dolphin Inn, Bovey Tracey

 

Run No. 2032

 

'IN THROUGH THE OUT DOOR'

 

 

 

HARE: Forrest Stump

 

Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Perry, Mitch, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Cheerio Beerio, Puddle Plopper, Tinkle Toes, Archangel, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Fukarewe, Ernie, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Coldtits, Warmfront, Psycho, Runner Bean, Melonpicker, Soapy, Poacher, Justin & Dylan, Eliza, Jonathan, Andy, Miss'Ing, and virgins Sarah and Beth

 

Circle

In the absence of our GM, Shitfaced, U-Bend presided over the Circle. U-Bend started as he meant to go on, namely by welcoming returnee Warmfront. The only error here was that Warmfront was running (read scoffing) with TVH3 last week. 

 

Then U-Bend welcomed visitors Beth, brought by Miss'Ing and Sarah, brought by Andy to Run number 2033. it is Run number 2032. Both virgins were indoctrinated with a light dusting of flour.

 

Smellie repeated last week's update on Hare Raising i.e. that there were only three spots to fill before the end of the year.

 

A very brief update from Wetfart on Teapot. Teapot continues to make slow progress and progress of any sort is good. Long may it continue.

 

So over the the Hare. We were going to be treated to both a Longs' and a Shorts' trail. There would be two Long/Short splits with "sweeties" at each split. The first/last parts of the in/out trail are the same so there are marks on both sides of the track. The marks are laid in sawdust. I didn't hear any mention of distances. Oh, and as a post script, yes there is a Walkers' trail.

 

"Check it out".

 

Trail

A tightly clustered pack headed out of the car park and soon picked up the trail. At the first check, Poacher dropped down towards the path that leads to the pumping house whilst the Pig carried straight on with Runner Bean hard on his shoulder. 

 

Another check was encountered at a small footbridge that crossed to the east of Trenchford reservoir. The Pig carried on up the west side and found a couple of rubbed out and indecipherable marks and then three dots. "On-On".

 

Following the Pig, were Pisswell, Eliza and Fukarewe. Not following were the rest of the pack. The marks were pretty much in the centre of the path so nothing to worry about.....except:

"Why hadn't Warmfront, Runner Bean and Psycho caught up".

 

The reason was that they had crossed the foot bridge to find a check and a trail....the correct outward trail.

 

Meanwhile, the Infamous Four carried on in blissful ignorance. We were all quite chuffed with ourselves. FRB's! That'll teach the Topiary Twins to have seconds of strawberries and cream.

It wasn't long before we came to a smaller footbridge at the top of Trenchford Reservoir and more marks.

 

We climbed through the woods towards the junction of Tottiford and Kennick reservoirs. However, now the marks were on our left.

 

We kept on trail, checking out the checks and kicking them out in the right (wrong) direction. 

 

A check at a small road had us bear due north. The fact that no-one was behind us was just beginning to bug us. Sure enough, at the next T-junction two big arrows were pointing the way we'd just came. We had obviously come out on the in trail but we were still on trail.

 

We took a right and rejoined the west bank of Kennick reservoir near the fishermen's hut/clubhouse.

Coming towards us was Smellie doing the Walkers' trail closely followed by U-Bend. These were the only two Walkers that we came across. 

 

A little further on, we came across a tupperware box full of sliced oranges. This must have been at Walkers/ Long & Shorts split. It was still full of oranges so we guessed that the Longs and Shorts had yet to pass through.

 

We could hear calling from the other side of Kennick reservoir and Man-Pig saw a Hasher wearing orange in the far distance.

 

"Are you?"

No reply.

"Are you?", he called again.

 

Still no reply and the Hasher wasn't moving.

 

We crossed the causeway to the other side of the reservoir to confront our deaf Hasher. Had he got blocked ears like me last week? As we got closer, the cause of his deafness became apparent. The Hasher was, in fact, an orange life buoy. That would also explain why he hadn't moved! Whatamistakatomaka!

 

The trail followed the eastern bank of Kennick reservoir up through Laployd Plantation and to the second Long/Short split at the north end of the reservoir. We looked for more oranges. There were none. It was getting decidedly dipsy, especially under cover of foliage. The Short looked tempting but Pisswell convinced us to do the Long. At the back of my mind, I had visions of the Blackenstone Rock.

 

We pushed on along a relatively unused track and up to Laployd Barton. Here we hit road and took a left and proceeded uphill. This was looking suspiciously familiar. Sure enough, within 5 minutes we were past the Blackenstone Rock and at a back check. No surprise there. 

 

Atop the rock were some Hashers including Ernie. Aerial guidance assisted our route up to the rock. It was an ideal photo opportunity from the summit of the Blackenstone before our descent and the last orange stop.

 

Now it was a straightforward run back down to the reservoir and a backtrack along the trail whence we started. 

 

Forrest passed us in his truck and asked if anyone wanted a lift....it was getting decidedly dark. But we are Hashers and we eat plenty of carrots for times just as these. We politely declined the offer of a swift return to the car park and retraced our steps.

 

Fortunately, Forrest had remarked our incorrectly kicked-out marks in the right direction. It was so dark that Eliza illuminated the route with the torch in her mobile phone.

 

In no time we were back at the car park. I asked Fukarewe if he'd like his Hashshit shirt back from last week.. He replied:

 

"No thankyou Man-Pig. I think you'll be keeping it".

 

Down-Downs

We eventually get back to the Dolphin at 9.35 and it is dark. Inside the pub, the layout has been rearranged slightly.

 

The raised dining area to our right has gone. It is no longer raised and it had been replaced with a snooker table. 

 

The net result of this was that our Hashers were split between two large tables either side of the entrance door. Additionally, and this was a first for me, there were (occupied) chairs at the bar which made it nigh on impossible to order a beer from the entrance side of the bar.

 

Forrest had tried securing some free Down-Downs when booking the pub. Alas, this now seems to be a thing of the past for the Dolphin. Despite this, Forrest bought the Down-Downs and the show goes on.

Man-Pig is RA'ing.

 

"What did we think of the trail?"

"Lovely" and "Too short" seemed to be the order of the day.

"Are there any awards from last week?"

 

Fukarewe has been reunited with the Hashshit shirt, but not for long. He is chomping at the bit to reveal the story of the short sighted Pig and his conversation with an orange life buoy.

 

"A note for the short sighted one" as Man-Pig despatches his DD.

 

Next up is Ernie who is really keen to offload the turd hat. This he awards to our reserve GM U-Bend. This is for welcoming everyone to Run no. 2033 when it is Run no. 2032 and, additionally, describing Warmfront as a returnee when both he and Warmfront were at last week's Hash.

 

"A note for the short sighted one number two".

 

There are no more awards but there are two stories. The first is about a Hasher who did the whole trail whilst leaving his hatchback in the car park with the tailgate up. That was Piltdown Man. 

 

The other is about lost property. Coldtits has found a set of car keys. They are Land Rover keys. Smellie looks at Man-Pig who pulls his keys from his pocket. All eyes turn to Slip-on-Me.

"Where were they found?"

 

"In the Ladies".

In a decibel race there is only one winner - Slip-on-Me. Case closed.

A note for, "Les cles perdu" (the lost keys).

 

Finally, it would be somewhat remiss if the Hare were not to receive a thoroughly deserved Down-Down. A long and excellent trail laid single handedly and he paid for the Down-Downs.

 

A note for, "The Pissy Hare". Forrest said that he wouldn't lay another trail unless he got a Down-Down.

 

Down-Down duly delivered. Thankyou.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Torquay Rugby Club. Our Hare is Cheerio Beerio.

I wonder what position she plays in? Keep your answers to yourself.

 

On-On to next week. MP

RESERVOIR DOGS THIS MONDAY

 

Run #2032 Monday 5th August circle up 7:15 pm from the main car park at Trenchford Reservoir with Forrest.

What3words: squirted.menswear.quarrel

On Down: Dolphin Hotel, 1A Station Rd, Bovey Tracey, Newton Abbot TQ13 9A

 

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 29th July 2024

The Court Farm, Abbotskerswell

Run No. 2031

 

Summer's Here - Strawberries & Cream washed down with a Pimms

 

HARES: Strap-On & Ernie with refreshment stop manned by Ernie's missus & grandchildren

 

Who wuz there: Strap-On, Ernie, Dawn (Mrs Ernie) & grandchildren, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Cheerio Beerio, Archangel, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Piddler, Fukarewe, U-Bend, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Coldtits, Warmfront, Psycho, Satnav, Wide Receiver, Eliza, Devon and virgin - Jonathan plus, for the second week running, returnees/visitors Wigwam and Mrs Sheen

 

Circle

For some reason the Circle seemed to take forever and there weren't even very many announcements. It was Teapot's birthday on Sunday and we all wished him well and a speedy recovery.

 

Smellie only needs Hares for three trails between now and the end of the year. What a hair-razor!

The flightless one was back in action. As Bluebird is also the web spider, Shitfaced encouraged him to promote the forthcoming TVH3 40th away weekend in a more prominent manner.

 

Cheerio Beerio put in a plug for a Wednesday night wet T-shirt competition under the guise that it was a Hash kayaking trip along the Teign estuary. Tuesday's kayak sales in Newton Abbot rose 300%.

 

A couple of Hashers broke hash protocol by leaving the Circle to re-park their cars, having originally parked them in the resident guests dedicated parking area - Cheerio Beerio and Piltdown Man.

No such qualms from Archangel who left his car parked in the middle of the guest parking area. He'd already got his kayak on the roof. Maybe he was hoping for a sneak preview? "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours" (Antoine from Eurotrash).

 

Eventually the Hares got to give their brief.

 

"Walkers' about 2.5 miles. Shorts' 4'ish. Longs' maybe 6 to 6.5 miles. There is one Long/Short split and a peculiar view point. Oh! Plus a refreshment stop".

 

Trail

The trail took us out of the car park and right up Wilton Road for a short distance before turning right again and up Court Road to our first check. This is the first time that I recall taking this route out of the Court Farm car park.

 

The obvious route was down a footpath that ended with steps down onto Slade Lane.

 

The marks now had us running up Odle Hill and turning into the light industrial estate at the Old Cider Works. This was virgin territory and I had no idea that this was an old lane and a public right of way onto Manor Road.

 

Outside one of the units was a Suzuki Bandit frame with USD forks; an abandoned chopper project perhaps - the forks maybe useful on Strap-On's Ducati street fighter project.....just a thought.

 

A check had us climb up Firestone Lane and then drop down Stoneman's Hill to the Walkers'/Long & Shorts' split at the cemetery.

 

The Walkers proceeded left down Coach Road and to the refreshment stop. For the Longs and the Shorts it was through the cemetery and across the Totnes Road.

 

Arrows then had us running towards Newton Abbot before being diverted down a raised pathway exiting at Bunting Close. 

 

Back on the A381 for a short while before another arrow and we were dropping down a grassy footpath, over a small footbridge and into Lang's Copse...and a check. In fact, quite a confusing check as I managed to catch up with the FRB's, Beeflicker, Warmfront, Psycho, Well Hopped, Pisswell and, amazingly, Bluebird.

 

I followed Pisswell up a steep bank as all the other possible routes had been checked out....allegedly. This was only to hear, "False trail" as we back tracked to the kicked out check and started again.

Someone asked if I'd seen Fukarewe who had gone AWOL. "No". I hadn't seen him. I'd been pretty much on my own since leaving Abbotskerswell. I thought the marks were pretty good so the mystery of the missing Fukarewe remained , for the time being, unsolved.

 

Inevitably Beeflicker found the trail and called "On-On" whilst Warmfront rebuilt the check and kicked it out in the wrong direction....... again!

 

We headed west on the high track above the River Lemon towards the ford below Emblett Hill.

Soon we came to the View Point. This was a fenced off piece of track above an old quarry know as the Puritans' Pit. It is a deep fall into this quarry and I recall running past here, in the dark on a winter's Hash, in the days before it was fenced off! 

 

Recently a cross and an explanatory plaque recording the story of the Puritan's Pit had been erected here; certainly within the past two years. It heralds back to the time when puritans were persecuted. I am assuming that this was about the same time as the Mayflower and the pilgrim fathers settled in North America in 1620.

 

Having read the history it was time to push on. At the ford I thought that we would turn left and up, past the water treatment works, towards Ogwell Green. No. It was right and wet feet time as an arrow directed us into the Lemon. Well, those of us that were foolish enough to follow the arrows when there is a perfectly good bridge just to the left.

 

Another check and we were running up the broad track (Ogwell Mill Road) past Bradley Barton. The dry footed Bird glided silently skyward and then, what's this, a road block? All the FRB's had stopped. A backckeck perchance? No. It was the lost Fukarewe running towards us!

 

Somehow he'd got off trail, then on trail only to find that he was now running it in reverse. After a quick chat and some directions, Fukarewe decided that he'd complete the trail in reverse. A decision that he'd come to regret. If he thought he was lost now he'd be reassessing his position by the time that he got to the Jolly Sailor at East Ogwell. 

 

Amazingly, the unfit Bird extended its ailerons, accelerated and took off [sic] not to be seen again.

At the end of Ogwell Mill Lane, the majority of the FRB's were out of sight. It was just myself and Pisswell at the tail end of the Longs, or so we thought. Unbeknownst to us, the injured Smellie (acquired a foot infection in Croatia) was assiduously following the marks and was only half a mile behind us.

 

Another arrow and we followed dots all along and down Barton Drive. Would we be veering left and up to the mobile phone microwave transmitter at Broadlands? No. 

 

At the bottom of Barton Drive the marks took us right and along Hunterswell Road and into Bakers Park. Up to the A381 then left and across the road and up the public footpath to the refreshment stop at St Mary's Church.

 

And what a refreshment stop it was.

 

We were all treated to bowls of fresh strawberries (with or without cream) and a glass of Pimms. The sun was out. The views were lovely and we weren't that far from the On-Down....serene.

 

In fact, it was such a lovely refreshment stop that the Topiary Twins helped themselves to seconds....you'll put weight on you know.

 

Suitably refreshed, we crossed to the east side of Coach Road and onto the public footpath past a farm and across two large, and usually boggy, fields up to Stoneman's Hill once more. 

 

This time we were not backtracking down Firestone Lane but continuing along Stonemans' Hill. I was running along with Psycho and a strange conversation ensued.

 

"Did you enjoy the drink stop?", I enquired.

"Yes. I had too sex."

Did I hear her correctly? What is she on about? Now, I do have a blocked ear and I am totally deaf in my left ear. As frustrating a this is, it does have some advantages i.e. I now have an excuse for not paying any attention to Mrs Man-Pig. But what is all this about "sex". It didn't make sense.

"Two sex?"

"Yes. It was so good I had two sex".

"Who with", I thought. Did I miss something? I was bamboozled.

"Two sex" I said again.

"Yes. So did Warmfront".

I really do need to get this ear syringed.

"Two sex!?"

Very loudly, "Two sets of strawberries and cream!"

 

All of a sudden we had turned right and along the fenced in footpath that leads to Manor Road back in Abbotskerswell. Then it was right and down Priory Road and back to the Court Farm. 

 

But not everyone was back. Smellie was just behind us as it turned out but there was no sign of Fukarewe or our virgin Jonathan.....not for the next 45 minutes anyway. However, by 9.45 we were all accounted for - even if Fukarewe had clocked up just under 10 miles!

 

Down-Downs

Despite still getting over a problem with his swollen nuts - all 20 of them, Man-Pig assumed RA duties for the evening. First was to thank the pub for the beer*.

 

"So. What did we think of the trail?"

 

A fantastic refreshment stop seemed to be the main theme and indeed it was. in fact it was so good that some of our Harriets had seconds. You know who you are you teletubbies you. Other, more seasoned hashers, merely settled for a second glass of Pimms.....so refined.

 

First up with an old award was Ablesemen. Able has the Turd Hat. It must go to a Hare for such an excellent trail and drink stop but which one? Only one way to find out. In a Cinderellaesque re-enactment Able makes each Hare wear the hat. It is a perfect fit for Ernie.

 

"Here's to the Shithead he's so blue........"

 

Next up with a story is a hoarder. It is U-Bend with not one but two awards, the Dickhead Hat and the Jester's Hat. 

 

U-Bend was on the Shorts' trail and running with Piddler and Cheerio Beerio. U-Bend was clearly not paying attention and only getting a part of the conversation between Cheerio Beerio and Piddler. U-Bend hears Cheerio say:

 

"I don't care what you call yours. Mine's called Dave and it's long haired" (these days....really? - ed).

Now the conversation was about sausages - well, sausage dogs actually so U-Bend may have put two and two together and got five on this occasion. 

 

Nevertheless, the Hats went to Cheerio and Piddler accompanied by, "Here's to the sex pests. They're so blue".

 

Piltdown Man has the Hashshit shirt. He also has a notebook of misdemeanours as long as his arm and he starts to reel them off. First he advises that he has been wearing the said shirt on trail and it is nice and sweaty. The list starts with:

 

1. Georgy Porgy getting caught short on trail and nearly needing the Hashshit shirt for mopping up operations.

2. Numerous Hashers getting lost

3. Man-Pig's nut problems along with a puncture

4. Cheerio Beerio exiting the Circle to move her car (no mention of Piltdown doing exactly the same!)

and finally the winner by a mile...or an extra 4 miles as it turned out.

5. Fukarewe gets the Hashshit shirt for going off trail and then rejoining the trail but electing to do it backwards. Not content with running it counterclockwise he gets lost again and ends up in East Ogwell...... a total of just under 10 miles! How did you get your name again?

"You're stupid. You're stupid. You're so damn dumb. If your Mother hadn't been there you'd be a lump of cum".

 

Finally, we very nearly had a first in TVH3. 

 

Next month is our 40th anniversary away weekend. Over the past 40 years we have never lost a virgin on their very first Hash. However, it was 9.45 and our virgin, Jonathan, had not returned. Thankfully he arrived safe and well just in time for the final Down-Down. well done.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Trenchford reservoir. Our Hare is Forrest Stump and the On-Down will be The Dolphin, Bovey Tracey. See the TVH3 FB page for the exact car park that we'll be using.

 

Footnote

Although the pub had offered to provide the beer gratis, Strap-On was a little embarrassed that there were so few takers for beer. So, our Hare actually paid for the Down-Downs on this occasion.

Thankyou Strap-On. An excellent trail with an unexpected and amazing Pimms & strawberries stop. Well done.

 

ON ON to next week! MP