TO HAL(DON) AND BACK! by Man-Pig

RUN #1890 Monday 15th November

 

VENUE: King William IV, Totnes

HARE: Wet (himself)-Johnny

 

ROLL CALL: Wet-Johnny, Man-Pig, Shit-Faced, Piltdown-Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Strap-On, Tamsin & partner, Alexis and partner, Triple Jump, Able Semen, Hot Lips, Zoot, Cheerio Beerio, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Beefy, Pisswell, Coldtits, Rambo, Roxanne, Mini-Penners (Harry, Ilya + another 4), Manopause, Big-End & Ned, Well-Hopped, Satnav, Threesum, Wetfart, Only here for the Beer......and all of Haldon Hash! (see later)

 

IN ABSENTIA: Bluebird (injured) and Bobbiball (growing a 'tache)

 

THE CIRCLE

We circled up outside what I believe is a new On-Down for Teign Valley - The King William IV pub. There was no need to be apprehensive with regards, "Would the pub be hash friendly?" as the landlord, Rob, was the former landlord of the Dartmouth Inn at the bottom of town. Announcements were brief. Shitfaced announced that he had tickets for sale for the TVH3 Xmas party - £7 members, £12 non-members. Threesum announced that she had draw tickets and Fallen Women confirmed that there would be fish and chips at her annual Brixham Christmas Carol hash (13 December); please pay £6 in advance for the fish and chips and BYOB. No virgins or other announcements so it was over to the Hare, Wet-Johnny.

 

The trail would be about 2 miles for the Walkers; 4 for the Shorts and 6 for the Longs; there are two Long/Short splits. There would also be a sweetie stop. "Go".

 

THE TRAIL

The trail took us down Station Road towards Morrisons' petrol station and then right towards Brutus Bridge. The usual suspects of Beefy and Big End took the lead with Smellie in a surprising third place; no doubt on a mission to burn off Friday night's Chinese takeaway!

 

Just before Brutus Bridge, an arrow directed us down onto the footpath on the banks of the Dart. Here the marks became jolly difficult to see amongst the fallen leaves. Wet-Johnny had used sawdust instead of flour on this stretch. this was so as to avoid marks in flour being eaten by dog walkers! I think he meant the dog walkers' dogs. The head torches dimmed behind us as the three FRB's blazed their way to the first Long/Short split which was at the lower entrance to Dartington Hall.

 

An arrow directed the Longs into Nellie's Wood and an uphill arc which exited into a flat field on high ground. The trail meandered along two sides of the field before an arrow directed us over a locked gate.

As we climbed over the gate, we could just see torches entering the field some 400 yards behind us...."The mini-Penners" we guessed. A peculiar concrete track consisting solely of two strips of concrete, an axle-width apart from each other, traversed a large open and relatively flat field. I'm not exactly sure that this was a public footpath. On exiting this field, we rejoined tarmac and also joined up with Haldon Hash.

 

The marks were a little confusing and blurred at this point. I had assumed (incorrectly) that the plethora of marks included the second Long/Short split. That was until a helpful Shortie (Haldon H3) said, "You're going straight down the road Man-Pig". And so we did, meeting most of Haldon Hash, looking perplexed, coming the other way.

 

At Shinner's Bridge, more confusing blurred marks until we worked out that the blurs were where Haldon had differentiated their marks by marking them with an "H". The blurs were where the "H's" had been kicked out. Satisfied that we were on trail, Big-End and I crossed the A385 and commenced the ascent up to the Cott Inn.

 

At the top of this ascent is a footp[ath on the left that drops back down into Totnes. It was bound to be this one. It wasn't. The trail took us right and behind the Cott Inn until we came to a cross. We had missed a check. Doubling back we found a kicked-out check and a narrow footpath that took us down to Redlake Cross and away from Totnes. "How far is Wet-Johnny taking us?" I cried.

 

At Redlake Cross, an arrow directed us left and uphill. At the first junction, it was right towards Copland and Peek Plantation. Then the final check, but not kicked out - most peculiar as Beefy always religiously kicks out all the checks.

 

Unbeknown to us, Beefy had run straight past this check and was now heading towards Follaton House on an unmarked trail. We were soon on a spur off Coplands Lane. Sure enough, at the point where the spur joins Coplands Lane, an arrow had us cantering down Coplands Lane to the bottom of the Western Bypass which would be the "On-Home".....or was it? Big End was sure that we'd only done one Long. I was sure that we'd done two Longs. We would find out soon enough.

 

Crossing the Western Bypass, Wet-Johnny greeted with a tin of Cadbury's Celebrations. Pointing up the Western Bypass, the hare gave out the dread news: "Take a big breath. The second Long is up there." It can't be far I thought.....turn left at the top of town near the closed Kingsbridge Inn. Wrong again.

We had to continue the ascent to K2 (OK, the Old Toll House) before the relief of an arrow taking us down Fishchowter's Lane to Moat Hill. At Moat Hill an arrow pointed left....uphill again, but not for long, before another arrow took us down a pretty much obscured narrow footpath near Magdelene Close and through Grove Close and thence Victoria Road. We arrived back at the car park bang on 8.30. But, where was Beefy?

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

The Down-Downs commenced with thanking Rob, the Landlord, for the beers and his hospitality. The RA passed on a message from Forrest Stump apologising for his absence and the corresponding absence of the Hashshit shirt. Forrest had been compelled to attend rehearsals for the pantomime. "Oh no he wasn't" was the retort from the baying hashers.....I hate Christmas! On to the Down-Downs:

First up was Wet-Johnny as Hare. Once again an excellent trail and well marked. And this despite the overlap with Haldon Hash. Hence a note for "To Hal(don) and Back".

 

The second award was going to be a virtual award until Wet-Johnny produced the Jester's Hat and gave it to Arkangel to award. Arkangel came up with some off-Hash story about bumping into Smellie outside a Chinese takeaway on Friday night. Accordingly a note for "Smerrie....shee too broo...." etc etc in a Chinese accent. All very politically correct!

 

Eventually Pisswell arrived at the pub to award the Horses' Head Hat. This was given to Wet-Johnny for placing checks near pools of urine. Hence a note for, "Wet-himself-Johnny".

 

Two more Down-Downs to dish out, albeit without any accompanying award. Did anyone have any stories? Eventually a timid Satnav relayed a tale of our GM asking Wetfart if he was a member? Wetfart has been hashing with Teign Valley for just shy of 30 years! A note for, "He who should have gone to SpecSavers".

 

In the absence of any more stories, it was decided to award the last Down-Down to Rob the Landlord for his hospitality. He had always run a Hash friendly pub down at the Dartmouth Inn and it looks as though this will now continue at the King William IV. Thank you, Rob.

 

ON ON to next week and the Keyberry Arms, Decoy, Newton Abbot. Hare Bobbiball.....all together now, "Bobbiball, Bobbiball, Bobbiball......."