A SHIRLEY VALENTINE (1989)* HASH

INSPIRED HARES & FINE CHOCOLATES

by Man-Pig

 

Run #1904 Monday 14th February from the Palk Arms at Hennock

 

HARES: Melon-Picker & Soapy

 

Who wuz there: Melon-Picker, Soapy, Shitfaced, Piltdown Man, Georgy-Porgy, Cheerio-Beerio, Hotlips, Zoot, Forrest-Stump (pubee) , Teapot, Wetfart, Beefy, Well-Hopped, Ned, Swinger, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Broadshit, Coldtits, Man-Pig, Fallen Woman, Able, Rambo, returnees UB, Notty and virgins Sarah, Andy and Jacqui.

 

Who wuzn't: apologies from Bluebird and Bobbiball, Smellie (Covid)

 

THE CIRCLE

It's been a while since we last ran from the Palk Arms. In the daylight it has the most stunning of views over the Teign Valley. However, even with a clear night and an almost full moon, the views were lost from sight. Cue a hash from here in the summer so that we can appreciate the scenery. Sunday's weather had been atrocious and the temperature had dropped throughout the day on Monday. How many would turn up? A goodly number, 27 all told - including two returnees and three virgins.

 

Teapot welcomed virgins Sarah (works at Hennock primary school) and Andy (took the King's shilling at the Park Inn courtesy of Shitfaced and was duly press-ganged unto turning up) into the circle. Both were anointed in the traditional manner - with a liberal dusting of flour. Sarah almost got nominated for a down-down before we'd even started the trail. Accused of having "new shoes", she replied, "I've only just cleaned them!"......in this weather?

 

Shitfaced gave us a quick plug for the distillery tour on 26 February and then it was the spiel from the Hares: "Walkers' trail about 2 miles - but have your sweeties now as you will miss the sweetie-stop. Shorts about three and a half. Longs five. Three Long/Short splits. There is a sweetie-stop". A little confusion as to whether the marks were on the left or the right. It was concluded that the marks could be either.

 

THE TRAIL

Man-Pig led the charge as the Hares directed us back down Church Lane, through the village and past the primary school to the first Long/Shorts and Walkers split. The Longs went left down a footpath last used by the Walkers on Forrest's Firework Hash trail. The Walkers and the Shorts continued down to Five Lanes Junction where the Hares directed them up the muddy footpath known as Beacon Lane. I am assuming that Beacon Lane is so called because it had a signal beacon at it's highest point to warn of the attempted invasion by the Spanish Armada. If anyone knows any different, answers on a postcard please.

 

HARES INSPIRED

Beacon Lane rejoins tarmac at Chericombehead where, yet again, the Hare was waiting for us. This was another five way junction and afforded a natural point at which to direct the Longs, Shorts and Walkers onto different trails - how inspired is that?

 

POUNDSHOP SHARES PLUMMET

Melonpicker directed the Longs left towards Shaptor Cross. The Walkers went right and straight down Bell Lane and back to the pub. The Shorts was almost straight across and a long downhill canter along Beadon Lane to the bridge over Beadon Brook. The trail beared right and into Netton Cleave Wood where Soapy was manning the superior Valentine's Day sweetie-stop. No plastic bags of sweets from the Poundshop here. A fine box of milk chocolates.....hmmm, lovely.

 

NIGHT FISHING (2011)

From here the trail ran a short way along Beardon Brook till a single plank footbridge took us onto the public footpath on the south side of the brook. Up and up we went through woodland following very clear and very close marks. Past Great Rock and a disused mine before dropping steeply down to a small lake where some anglers were doing a spot of night fishing.

 

At the bottom of the steep descent it was a right turn at Greatrock Farm and up a concrete road for 100 yards before turning left and following the footpath signs up a very steep track through woodland. At the top a traverse along the edge of an open field before joining the dead end of the lane that took us back to the Palk Arms. All very well laid with plenty of clear marks. Big thumbs up, well done Hares.

The Longs, meanwhile, had to contend with 2/3 Long/Short splits. The first was in Hennock and took us down a footpath to Warm Hill Farm and a check. Man-PIg, who thought he knew where he was, checked downhill. BONG! Wrong. Beefy checked up Warm Hill and came to a check at the first crossroads.

 

I reached the check to find Swinger, Well-Hopped and Ned waiting for a call. It was almost certainly straight on and up to Five Lanes. Wrong again. Broadshit returned from the right calling, "False trail". Then, in the opposite direction; this was Beefy calling. The trail was left and heading away from Hennock. Not a good sign.

 

SHAMEFACED?

A fairly long downhill to another check at a junction with a muddy track on the right hand side. This looked promising and it wasn't long before we heard Beefy calling "On-On". I'd never been up here before. It is, incredulously, classified as a road! It is called Shamefaced Lane (I wonder why?).

 

WETFART CALLS TIME

Sure enough, it exited at Five Lanes where we rejoined the Longs and the Walkers. Ascending the very wet Beacon Lane, it wasn't long before hashers came into sight. These would be the Walkers. We'd caught up with Wetfart who was suffering the interminable hill. "Shout when you reach the top Man-Pig", was Wetfart's plea to which I was happy to oblige. Next to be overtaken was Coldtits. Then Shitfaced. Just before arriving at Chericombehead we passed Zoot and Hotlips.

 

WETFART REVISITED

At Chericombehead, the Longs went left and then right at Shaptor Cross to arrive back at the Walkers/Short & Longs split at Chericombehead. I'd been pretty much on my own since the second check. No sight of Beefy in front of me or Swinger, Well-Hopped and Broadshit behind me. Hence it came as a welcome respite to catch up with Wetfart for the second time on the descent down Beadon Lane.

 

THE LAST TRAIL (1927)

A short while later and I caught up with Coldtits, again, and then Manopause and Erection just before the sweetie-stop. After a very nice chocolate, I carried on along the trail to find Melon-Picker guiding Hashers towards the footbridge. This was the last Hasher that I would see on trail until the pub. Just as well the trail was well marked.

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

Thine RA Man-Pig welcomed everyone to the Palk Inn. The first item on the agenda was to thank the pub for opening as it has only just started reopening on Monday nights. Indeed, apart from the Hash there were only two punters at the bar. We, additionally, thanked the pub for the beer. Most hashers had, in fact, found something pink to wear in the pub. However, most hashers had not brought their better halves. Would we all be in the dog house when we got home?

 

TEAPOT'S TALL TALES

Without further ado, it was time to dish out the Awards. Wetfart had the Hashshit shirt. This he awarded to Teapot for compulsive lying. Teapot had made up stories about how good/ bad, hilly/flat, wet/dry the trail was when he hadn't done any of it! A note for Pinnochio and his long nose.

 

HORSE HEAD HAT HOMES IN ON CARROT-CRUNCHER

Next up was Man-Pig who had the Horse Head Hat to give away. Having seen nothing on trail apart from a mouse and a box of chocolates he had to think hard. It was almost a full moon and the road sections could easily be managed without the use of a torch. However, Beefy was observed taking his torch into the pub. Obviously he needs to improve his night vision by increasing Beta-Carotene in his diet. A note for the carrot-cruncher.

 

PUDDING & PIE FOR BIRTHDAY GIRL?

No more stories or, indeed, awards. But there was a birthday girl. It was Georgy Porgy's birthday the previous day. Obviously, "All the right notes. Not necessarily in the right order".

 

HARES COME DANCING

As Georgy had opted for water, this left two halves to be distributed. No-one more deserving than our two Hares for the evening. Before the down-downs there was some discussion about the missing Songmeister, as only he knows all the songs and all the words. Nevertheless, there was some recollection of, "I'm climbing up sunshine mountain...." followed by a passable attempt at Father Abraham with all the associated limb movements and "Oooohs" and "Ahhhrs".....interesting. Accordingly a note for "Come dancing".

 

Well done Hares. Good trail. Good marks and well done everyone who made the effort to find something pink.

 

* I couldn't resist..

 

NEXT WEEK

Smugglers Inn near Holcombe, between Teignmouth and Dawlish. Hare is Piltdown Man, no doubt assisted by Georgy Porgy.

 

On-On to next week.