The Passage house Inn, Kingsteignton
"Wot - No Checks?" by Man-Pig
HARE: Screwed and Bella
Who
wuz there: Screwed, Bella, Shitfaced, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Pollyfella,
Only Here for the Beer, Piltdown Man, Georgy-Porgy, Smellie, Teapot,
Rambo, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Coldtits, Piddler, Able Semen, Cheerio
Beerio, Forrest Stump, Jonathan (virgin).
The Circle
As
is frequently the case on Bank Holiday Mondays, numbers were a little
down when compared against the usual turnout. This evening we had 19
hashers including a virgin brought along courtesy of the Hare.
Shitfaced was back from a three week absence (must have been some 40th!)
and welcomed all into the circle. Shitfaced gave an announcement
regarding the following weekend's beer festival at Tucker's Maltings.
Historically a group from the Hash has attended the beer festival on the
Friday night. Shitfaced was planning on getting there around 3pm.
However, details of what time the Hash should aim to get there will be posted on the Hash Facebook page. So, watch this space!
Then it was over to introduce the virgin - Jonathan.
Q. "Who made you cum?"
A. "Cath....errr, I mean Screwed"
and, with that, Jonathan was duly anointed with flour by Teapot.
Able
Semen then stepped forward to remind all about the Friday 13th May
hash weekend in Exeter. It is a pay-as-you-go affair. Just turn up and
follow the marks. See Able in the pub for more details. From memory I
think it is kicking off at 7.30pm from the Mill-on-the-Exe.
Screwed
then came forward with details of tonight's trail. "There is a
Walkers', a Shorts' and a Long's trail. Longs 6. Shorts 3. Walkers 2.
The Longs' will join up with the Shorts' at St Michael's church. There
are no checks. I couldn't be arsed". Absolutely clear instructions but,
inevitably, they still befuddled poor old Piddler.
"There
is only one Long/Short split" seemed to clear the confusion i.e. don't
do the Longs' or you're committed to an additional 3 mile loop.
The Trail
No
checks. This was going to be novel. Well, not quite. Three years ago
Fukarewe set a trail with no checks in Broadhempston but failed to tell
anyone at the start. Screwed asked me to look after virgin Jonathan who
would be doing the Longs'. Now Jonathan is young, athletic and
carrying a backpack for extra weight. I rather feared that this was
going to be a fast run, especially without any checks!
The
trail took us onto the banks of the Teign estuary running back towards
Kingsteignton through Hackney Marshes. When we arrived at the new
cycle path, that links Newton Abbot to Kingteignton via the back of the
racecourse, we came to the only Long/Short split. Most of pack went
right on the Shorts' towards Kingsteignton. Jonathan and the Pig went
left towards Newton Abbot. But who was that in front of us? Was it a
Hasher? Whoever it was, he was motoring as we never caught him up.
Only
when we arrived at the sweetie stop did the penny drop. Our FRB was
Polyfella who had obviously fully recovered from injury. Crikey, he was
quick. No doubt on a mission to burn off all those extra calories
consumed during high tea at the Ivy over the weekend.
The
trail took us over the new cyclists/pedestrian footbridge at the
northwest corner of the Brunel Industrial estate before following the
lower parts of the River Lemon back towards Tuckers Maltings. Just
before the Maltings the marks took us over an elderly cast iron
footbridge and onto the tow path on the western side of the lower
reaches of the Stover canal. We followed the tow path upto Jetty Marsh
Road where we crossed and continued to follow the trail up the western
side of the Stover canal upto Teign Bridges and Gallows Cross.
The
marks were excellent; frequent and closely spaced. I have never been
on a trail that has been so well marked. However suspicion set in when,
just before, Teign Bridges, we encountered runners coming in the other
direction. I knew that Haldon hash were running from Twelve Twenty in
Newton Abbot this evening. Was it possible that we had got on their
trail by mistake and were running in the wrong direction? I didn't
recognise any of the oncoming runners and they were motoring. I
consigned myself to believe that they were probably Teignbridge
Trotters.....too quick for hashers.
Sure
enough, when we hit the old Exeter Road we came to an arrow. We were
on trail and going in the right direction. Thus far the marks had been
on both the left and right hand side of the trail. The marks took us
onto the northern side of Exeter Road and then onto a brand new bit of
cycle path and over a shiny new green bridge spanning the Teign.
Jonathan's insider knowledge came to the fore. "Screwed did say that we
went over a new bridge", so we were definitely on trail....but not for
long.
Somehow
we missed a mark that would have taken us right and back into
Kingsteignton via Broadway Road. Undaunted, Jonathan and the Pig pushed
on and took the next right onto Chudleigh Road past the school and
then hitting the centre of Kingsteignton on Newton Road. Due south to
the Kings Arms where we picked up the trail again....much to the relief
of Jonathan. Back on trail we followed the marks down Church Street
before loosing them in the Churchyard. We retraced our steps to find
the trail had run along the alleyway with Kingsteignton Bowling Club on
it. This is really quite unique as a small stream runs all along this
alleyway and the back of the houses can only be accessed by large
granite (occasionally concrete) slabs that span the stream. Straight
across Fore Street, past the Bell Inn and along Crossley Moor Road,
still following the stream.
At
the roundabout, it was right and up Longford Lane, across another
roundabout before turning left and up Longfield Avenue. Still we were
climbing. Turn right into Gate Tree Close and then right and up some
steps before finally arriving at the sweetie stop in the play park, the
view point.....and Bella's favourite tree.
"Are you the last of the Longs?" asked Screwed.
"We are the only Longs", I answered innocently.
"No. You are not. Polyfella was here ages ago".
Ah. Question answered. The fast fella infront of us at the start of the Long/Short split was a hasher after all.
Having
gobbled up most of the remaining sweets, hungry work this - running
with no checks - it was follow the footpath out of the play park.
Down
Warecraft Road and then left and back onto Longford Lane before turning
left onto Coombsend Road and crossing the footbridge over the A380.
Rejoining Coombesend Road on the eastern side of the dual carriageway
before turning right onto Coombesend Road East. Then it was across
Teignmouth Road and follow the public footpath that skirts the edge of a
large field above the Passage House Hotel. Just as we exited the field
we caught up with Rambo at the "On Home" sign. We had just beaten the
sunset and got back in daylight.
Despite
the absence of checks, or more probably as a result of the absence of
checks, it turned out to be a great runners trail - even if we never did
catch up with Polyfella. The marks were quite the best I've ever seen
on a trail. Frequent, yet discrete. And to round off a lovely run in
daylight, Jonathan bought me a pint. You can come again young man!
The Down-Downs
Now,
this is the bit that Bluebird usually edits and adds a bit of colour to
the Pig's otherwise boring weekly episode of War and Peace.
Regrettably, the Bird is poorly and I think that his Mum, on the cusp of
her 100th birthday, is a tad under the weather too. Hence a no show
from the Bird this evening. We wish them both a speedy recovery. The
awards were a little thin on the ground as some of the previous week's
recipients were absent.
First, a thank you to the pub for providing the Down-Downs. Then it was over to the awards for the evening's misdemeanours.
After
some chat and grammatical corrections regarding the corrupt, corrupters
and corruptees, Shitfaced awarded the Hashshit shirt to U-Bend.
Apparently this was for impersonating the GM at last week's circle.
Teapot
pulled the substitute Jester's hat from his bag and gave it to our RA
for the night, Forest Stump. Forest then awarded it to
Man-Pig.....something about pretty girls with big VW camper vans - or
thereabouts. Man-Pig even had to sing his own "Hold it your hand Mrs
Murphy...." song! What is the Hash coming to?
There
were two spare beers - courtesy of the pub. The first spare beer was
awarded to Forest Stump. This was because his dog, Perry, had a pee on
Able Semen's tyres. A note for the "Tyre Slasher".
Finally the last down-down was awarded to Screwed for laying the trail. Crikey, didn't it go down quickly!
Next week
Bridford
Inn with hare Forest Stump. That is the Bridford Inn in Bradford (hope
he means Bridford!); not to be confused with the Cridford Inn which is
not in Bridford!
On-On to next week if we don't all meet up at Tucker's Maltings beforehand!
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