HEADLINE ACT: THE RETURN OF 'MAYHEM' MAVIS

Run #1929 Monday 8th August from Tucker's Malting Tap House, Newton Abbot

 

HARE: Arkangel

 

Who wuz there: Arkangel, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Forrest Stump, Wide Receiver, Ellie - pub only, Tamsin, Andy (Park Inn), Cheerio Beerio, Zoot, Hotlips, Warm Front, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Bobbiball, Dozy Parrot (non-runners), Coldtits, Ernie, Ablesemen, Bluebird, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Edward - now Simba, Ellie - now Howzat!, Roger - now Roger the Dodger, Beefy, Pisswell, Fallen Woman, Zen Emptiness, Teapot, and a special guest returnee, Mavis, jetting in from Port Motueka, New Zealand.

And now, dispensing with the usual template so lovingly and precisely forwarded to the office boy by Man-Pig, I give you something very different and, you may agree, worth the wait - the words according to Mavis, translated loosely from Te Reo Māori:

 

The Pub Under Tuckers Maltings. Arch Angels run.

I arrived back after 3.5yrs of exploring the native in the South of the Hemisphere to the predicted and expected level of fanfare! Bunting was put out! Bugles played as I came towards the circle, the beautiful Harriettes swooned in my presence! 

 

It was wonderful to see Tea Pot! Although it took a moment to remind him of who I was, after repeating my name twice. 

 

It was awful and tragic to see Shit Faced had aged so much! Now needing a stick to walk with and a terrible, terrible limp!

 

The run set off, it’s just shocking and sad that due to Brexit, the price of flour has increased so considerably that barely any could be spared for the trail!! It was only due to one or two of the Harriets who have been around the town a bit who knew where to take me!

 

The trail was the usual 10miles or so which I, of course, returned from in such composure that even Prince Andrew agreed that he sweats more than me.

 

On in to the Pub where they had an amazing array of Beautifully [Māori sic} warm beers! I took it upon myself to start at one end of the bar and work my way to the other…

 

There were some down downs! Mine was taken appropriately upon the floor using the correct vessel. Sadly, Manpig, in his old age bless him, getting a little doddery, poured his pint down the back of my shorts!

 

There were some namings of some short people plus a record broken for the naming of a Hasher who managed to go unnamed for 15yrs!!! After the down downs, I continued my mission of completing the bar with a few of our most faithful and hardened men and woman.

Finally, the Bar staff threatened to call the Police if we didn’t leave… we took this as our cue to go home. The cycle home was pleasant and uneventful.

 

I woke the next day afresh at about 13.00, woken only from my slumber to spew up again. One of the villagers kindly dropped my father's bike home which was found in the lane not too far from the house. 

 

Later that day, I got a call from a very pleasant lady who had found my shorts and T-Shirt at Penn Inn roundabout! This is why it’s always advisable to have your name and number printed on the label on your clothes.

 

Overall a wonderful Hash and an absolutely perfect trail and on down to welcome my return home to my home hash! Thank you to everyone for such a warm welcome! I’ve run with a number of kennels now all over the world and Teignvalley, my original Hash, is still my favourite.

 

On on! Mavis x

 

ADDENDUM

A hard act to follow, but a few other snippets on a magnificent Mavis evening. 

 

Apart from the headline stealer, Forrest had to rescue his muttley who had performed a high dive into the canal in the closing stages of the trail and was unable to get back up the steep bank. In diving parlance: a failed high degree of difficulty.

 

My apologies tendered to Big End and Well Hopped for my antics - they probably realize that I don't get out very often.

 

Beefy had a scorching [sic] run, blazing round the trail and his usual extensions to make eight miles in an excellent time.

 

Missing out on the first long split and careering through the first check, (sorry, Big End) as well as taking various liberties, I was taken aback when Warm Front loomed large in the rear view mirror. Thank goodness Archangel put in the last L/S split here and I saluted and collapsed.

 

Superb and scenic trail and Coldtits (fantastic effort) and I managed to squeeze five miles from the trail menu. 

 

Well worthwhile your efforts laying it on a savagely hot afternoon, Archangel. I tip my hat to you sir.

 

The pub was special, a great atmosphere and good to see Wide Receiver and Ellie who both dropped by for a drink.

 

Well done Mavis on surviving the evening!

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

We thanked the pub for the beer.

 

Man-Pig gave the (returned) Hash shit shirt to Forrest Stump for trying to force Warmfront and her bicycle off the road. Par for the course we thought.

 

Arkangel presented the Viking horned hat to Able Semen for buying Shitfaced a drink without any money. A harriet through and through.

 

Bluebird (under forceful direction from the RA) naturally awarded the Teapot special hat to Mayhem Mavis who proceeded with his speciality at ground level. To this day, no one else has ever managed to achieve the Mavis manouevre .

 

The short people were next up and Big End's daughter, Ellie, was, after due deliberation and input, named Howzat due to her love of sport, especially cricket.

 

Well Hopped son named Simba after the Lions on the England football strip. Two fine hash handles indeed, well done to the panel of adjudicators.

 

Dad, Roger (Well Hopped), has been coming hashing on and off for 15 years but had dodged being named but tonight the hash finally caught up with him - henceforth, Roger the Dodger!

 

NEXT WEEK

The Claycutters, Chudleigh Knighton with Hares Zoot and Hotlips. Please try not to use the pub car park as it will be jolly busy!

 

On-On to next week.