TVH3 The Words for 6th March 2023

AWARDS NIGHT

 

The Wild Goose, Combeinteignhead

 

Run No. 1959

 

by our Scribe of the Year Man-Pig

 

HARES: Man-Pig & Bluebird

 

Who wuz there: Man-Pig, Bluebird, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Cheerio Beerio, Arkangel, Forrest Stump, Threesum, Soapy, Melonpicker, Polyfella (pub only?), Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Satnav, Ablesemen, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Piddler, Coldtits, Gaga-4-it, Triple Jump, Teapot, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Amy (now Psycho).

 

Circle

A very brief circle this evening as we needed to push on. This was in order to get back to the pub. It was the annual TVH3 Awards' Night. The pre-run spiel was, indeed, brief. Despite advance notice of there being no food available at the pub, Shitfaced had arranged for iPoo'd to do some cooking using the pub's kitchen. We were all going to be treated to chip butties - courtesy of the Hash. Smellie desperately wanted Hares for 27th March and 3rd April. I think Smellie secured, well press-ganged, volunteers for these two dates in the pub afterwards.

 

Over to the Hare(s). An unfortunate birth year meant that run 1959 had fallen to Man-Pig to lay. This was irrespective of the fact that he wasn't born in 1959. In many respects it was a less than ideal date to set the trail as it was the day after The Grizzly. If we were to rely on Bluebird's DOB to assign a trail we would need to borrow Dr Who's Tardis and turn the clock back to the Edwardian era i.e. Edward the Confessor.

 

The trail had been laid earlier in the afternoon. Bluebird had done the Walkers' and the Shorts' trails whilst Man-Pig had laid the loop for the Longs'. Bluebird said that he would return in time for The Awards but would not be doing the trail as he had to look after Mum. In his absence, the Pig explained that tonight's trail would be short. There was a Walkers' of circa 1.5 miles, Shorts' about 2 and the Longs' might take it up to the 3 mile mark.

"Turn right out of the car park".

 

Trail

There was virtually no breeze and the skies were clear. This meant that it was on the cool side. The following day was going to be a full moon so the landscape was bathed in a soft glow. The first part of the trail took us on tracks that led high above Coombeinteignhead and totally devoid of light pollution. In fact, if you turned your torch off, once you'd acquired night vision it was possible to complete most of the trail by the light of the moon.

 

A couple of hundred yards out of the car park we came to our first check. This had been kicked out to the right and we could see torchlight through the trees as the pack climbed ever upwards to the Walkers'/Long & Short split. Walkers' to the right, Longs' and Shorts' to the left. The loop for the Longs' & the Shorts' had to pass under a fallen cherry tree that almost blocked the track. When setting the trail, the Bird commented that this might make a good photo opportunity. Beefy duly obliged by snapping the two Grizzliers from the previous day.

 

Upon reaching the ridge, we came to another check. We were right at the back of the pack and conducting ourselves at a somewhat leisurely pace. It was not surprising, therefore, that the check had been kicked out. But, by whom? In the absence of Wet-Johnny and a hobbling Beefy the FRB's were likely to be Amy and Pisswell. The trail proceeded due north back towards Combeinteignhead. The clear skies and full moon provided lovely views across the mirror calm Teign estuary. Trains could be both seen and heard as they clackety-clacked their way along the line that follows the north bank of the estuary between Newton Abbot and Teignmouth.

 

The trail descended down a steep and uneven path and then some dodgy steps behind Lilac cottage; a torch was necessitated at this point. At the bottom of the steps, we came to the Long/Short split. Shorts turned right and straight back to the pub. The Longs went left and found their first check only some 30 yards away. This had been kicked out up through the tiny hamlet of Westborough. The trail then followed the lane upto Westcross and another check. This had been kicked out towards Netherton House where we came across a back check. The pack only had to back check 20 yards before picking up the trail on the public footpath that leads down to Coombe Cellars.

 

The trail followed an existing track through one field but, upon passing into the second field the trail takes a 90 degree turn to the right. However, none of the hashers chose to follow the flour. Instead they ran straight on on what, in fairness, was a more well defined track. Nevertheless, it was an unmarked track. The net result was an additional 1km of running around three sides of two fields to arrive at the gate that exits onto the foreshore. The same point could have been reached in under 400m by following the marks! Never mind.

 

The blobs of flour then guided the pack around the boat storage area and up the narrow lane onto Shaldon Road. At the junction with Shaldon Road there was no check....the blobs simply followed the road to the right and downhill back into Combeinteighnhead. This should have resulted in a trail of about three miles. 

 

Perplexingly, FRB Amy had clocked up 7.5km; nearly five miles. Where had she been? Off getting herself a naming as we would soon find out.

 

Down-Downs

The short trail meant that we were all back in the pub before 8.30. Forrest decided to kick-off proceedings before the scoff came out so it was straight into the Down-Downs.

 

The first order of proceedings was to thank the pub for the beer and, additionally, for opening up just for us on a Monday night. Now, there is a little story behind the opening of the pub on this particular Monday. It transpired that the pub had already been pre-booked by Scenic Route on behalf of Haldon Hash. An exchange of phone numbers and a couple of calls later, it was all sorted. Scenic Route kindly deferred to letting TVH3 have the pub for its Awards Night. Thank you Scenic Route and Haldon Hash.

 

The first award went to a rather surprised Grand Master. RA Forrest rebuked him for failing at the circle to congratulate the Grizzly campaigners for their efforts the previous day. 

 

Hashshit Shirt: Coldtits had the shirt from the previous week. This she gave to Soapy for finding a marble that had been lost on the trail - a slant on losing one's marbles!

 

Jester's Hat: Beeflicker was in possession of this item for having laid an excellent virgin trail for TVH3 the previous week. Beeflicker had to cast his mind back some two years to a time when Polyfella had missed out on a Down-Down. A note for "The Forgetful One".

 

Horned Hat: Strap-On, after putting Piddler in the frame for 'invasion of privacy' coming to his local, the Court Farm, nominated Amy for the DD, citing her extensive over-checking on the trail. This led to her having a naming.

 

Naming: FRB and part time stripper, Amy, had somewhat overdone the checking. Nearly five miles covered on a sub three mile trail! How on earth did you manage it? You must be a psychopath. And so it was as Forrest christened "Psycho" in the time-honoured Hash tradition.

 

Run Badge: someone was in line for a 50th run badge. The Pig suspected, wrongly, that it was Strap-Dancer. The lucky lady was in fact Gaga-4-it who, unfortunately, was on crutches. This rather hindered her despatch of a half pint of water accompanied by "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Finally, we gave a big thank you to the pub for accommodating us before we settled ourselves in the restaurant area for The Awards presentation.

 

THE AWARDS 2022

Shitfaced, appropriately attired as our MC, announced The Awards for the year ending 31st December 2022 - ably assisted by Threesum. However, this was before technical issues with wi-fi and software. Shitfaced had planned to broadcast live, via Facebook, to, amongst others, Wigwam in Poland; Mavis in New Zealand and bionic Bobby in Paignton. For some reason, the system wasn't working on Shitfaced's iPhone and Beefy's Android phone wasn't accessing the Facebook facility in the same manner.

 

Shitfaced introduced the awards with, "What a year it's been". This was in reference to Rambo's passing...."a true hash legend". Shitfaced asked Man-Pig to say a few words.

In a nutshell, Rambo touched us all, especially with his encouragement to push ourselves always a little further. How many of us over the years would have even contemplated The Grizzly without Rambo's support? Not many. Man-Pig also mentioned that it was almost the anniversary of No. 2's passing. They may be no longer with us but the people you really care about always live on in your heart. So, in a way, they are still very much alive in our memories.

 

It was lovely to see a photo of Rambo at the Memorial Tree on The Grizzly. Below the photo was Rambo's race number 69. The Grizzly organisers did not issue it to a runner this year. It was still reserved for Rambo and Rambo's memory; both apt and touching.

 

In true Oscaresque fashion, Shitfaced listed the contenders for each award before announcing the winner.

 

Hash of the Year (Best trail): this went to Pisswell for the Pisswell Farm Hash replete with Devonshire cream tea.

 

Hare of the Year: candidates comprised Wet-Johnny, Beefy, Man-Pig and Pisswell. The winner was Pisswell for a string of excellent trails on and around Dartmoor. We really are getting to the very best of what the Devon countryside has to offer on these trails.

 

Newcomer of the Year: prospectives included last years's winner, Cheerio Beerio, and the FRB'ing striptease artist Amy........and the winner was....Amy (now Psycho)

 

On-Down of the Year: and an almost unanimous vote for Broken-Man and Fallen Woman's abode for the Christmas fish'n'chip night.....and that troublesome yard of ale.

 

Club Hasher of the year (formerly the Crusher Award): this could have gone to Zoot for organising Rambo's Celebration of Life. However, the winner was Ablesemen - and jolly well deserved. Always in the background beavering away, frequently unseen. But Ablesemen has been the unsung stalwart and backbone of TVH3 for over 30 years. About time you had an award. Poor Able was quite overcome with emotion. Something for your mantlepiece ma'am.

 

Scribe of the year: there was competition from Soapy and singalong Pisswell but Man-Pig clinched it again - for interminable editions of War and Peace.

 

Hasher of the Year: Wet-Johnny, Man-Pig and Beefy were in the frame with Beefy emerging victorious.

 

Harriet of the Year: maybe this should have been Lost Harriet of the Year? Bizarrely, Erection was amongst the nominees for this award. But, emerging victorious was Smellie.

 

Pillock of the Year: I think the shortlist comprised Shitfaced for his gout, Forrest, Man-Pig and Bluebird, well, for just being Bluebird. Almost inevitably, and probably for being foolish enough to lay an 11 mile hash back in the summer, our prize pillock was - BLUEBIRD. Never in doubt!

 

Next week

 

Next week's Hash is at The Park Inn, Kingskerswell with Cheerio-Beerio and Shitfaced.

Thank you all for coming.

 

On-On to next week.