TVH3 The Words for 13th May 2024

The Devon Arms, Teignmouth

Run No. 2020 - Pirate Hash

 

HARES: Coldtits, Polyfella and Forrest-Stump

 

Who wuz there: Coldtits, Polyfella, Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Woodcock, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Slip-on-Me, Hot Lips, Zoot, U-Bend, Wet Johnny, Erection, Manopause, Wetfart, Ablesemen, Miss Ing, Woodlend, Woodlend's girlfriend, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers and guest appearance by the original Brixham pirate - Broken Man.

 

Circle

The weather. The weather.

Once again numbers were a little down - 25. In fairness, I suspect that some of our regulars may still have been away on holiday and capitalising on last Monday's bank holiday. The day's incessant rain didn't help either. Although it did abate a little during the run.

 

Announcements were briefer than usual due to the absence of our GM....a migraine and our Harerazor....exhausted, and she only lives round the corner.

 

Our reserve GM cum RA, U-Bend, rose to the occasion to welcome all to the rather damp Pirate Hash. Some were damper than others. Beefy, Beeflicker, Manopause and Erection were still wearing vests! As this was a pirate themed hash, several Hashers had elected to run in fancy dress. 

 

These included Beeflicker, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me and Beefy complete with pirate plank embossed with baby footprints. Others saved their fancy dress for the pub, Forrest and Ablesemen etc.

 

In the absence of any announcements, it was over to the Hares. 

 

Forrest advised that there were Long, Short and Walkers' trails out there somewhere but, before we set off, we all needed to be on back beach by 7.30. This was because the Black Pearl would be casting-off bang-on seven-and-a-half bells.

 

Trail

In a rerun of last year's Pirate Hash, we all "walked the plank" (no keel hauling today) and boarded the ferry to Shaldon. It was not a rough crossing but the rain meant that even those wearing running jackets and waterproofs were shivering - noticeably on the short crossing to the beach opposite the appropriately named Ferry Boat Inn.

 

Hashers began to fan out in all directions before Polyfella herded them towards the Ness car park.

At the lower entrance to the car park, our first check. Beeflicker and Man-Pig ran up and onto the Ness but found no marks. On returning to the check, we found that the rest of the pack had been told to follow us! U-turn and start looking for marks again.

 

Apparently, the trail had originally been laid on Sunday. 

 

Accordingly, many of the marks had been washed out. However, heroic efforts by Polyfella in, effectively, laying a live trail kept us all on trail......well, most of us (see later).

 

We followed the Southwest Coastpath and passed a number of strange marks "PL" (not LP Forrest - these are black discs from the dark ages that used to be spun round on a mechanical device called a gramophone). At the Circle, Forrest had explained that there would be plenty of LP's....Pirate Lookouts (PL's, surely?).

 

As promised, we passed two LP/PL's before coming to the Walkers'/Longs' and Shorts' split. The Walkers headed up to the grog stop in Shaldon Botanical Gardens whilst the Longs and Shorts carried on along the SW Coastpath skirting the edge of Shaldon Golf Club (no golfers to do battle with this year.....too wet). 

 

Somehow, I was at the back of the Shorts with U-Bend. At the southwest corner of the golf course, we arrived at the Long/Short split and a new wooden sign for the Southwest coast path.

U-bend followed the Shorts and I knew what was forthcoming for the Longs. The Long uphill climb aka the 'Eiger Sanction'.

 

In the distance, I could see Beefy and his plank. He had stopped to take photographs. Just ahead of him were Woodlend and girlfriend. I was probably only 250 yards behind but also 300 feet lower....ooooo errrrr. 

 

Almost inevitably, I was destined not to catch up with Beefy and the FRB's. At the top of the long climb, the mist had rolled in. The trail now had us on the main road for a short while, passing the entrance to the posh house on the coast path, before diverting back onto the public footpath. BUT, be careful here. 

 

The wettest winter on record had ploughed an 8 inch deep furrow along the upper reaches of the footpath. This is due to surface water run off from the road and pavement. I''ve never seen this part of the footpath like this before. Potentially quite dangerous.

 

A freshly laid arrow had us on the upper footpath. No-one in sight now but I did hear the occasional call of "On-On" somewhere in the distance....or was it Beeflicker calling "Are you?" Another fresh arrow and we were over a steel gate across the main road and climbing Commons Lane towards the Fuzzy Dee trig point. 

 

The remnants of a check but no diversion down to Stokeinteignhead as we continued to climb towards the top of Pickett Head Hill. Here I caught up with Woodland and girlfriend. This was only because the girlfriend's dog appeared insistent on doing the trail backwards at this point. 

 

The marks took us all the way down to the main road again and across and into the botanical gardens. Here Coldtits was manning (womanning?) a lovely grog and sweetie stop.

 

"Are you the last?" Coldtits asked.

"Yes"....but we were wrong. Whilst Woodlend and girlfriend pushed on, I sneaked in a second grog. Just as well I did as Coldtits was packing up. But then a sole Hasher appeared. It was Beeflicker.

"Where have you been?"

 

A long way off trail as it transpired. Beeflicker had been FRB'ing so fast that he had failed to benefit from the newly laid marks by Polyfella. Although the trail had turned inland and crossed the main road before Labrador Bay car park, Beeflicker had pushed on along the lower footpath in a quest for marks above Smugglers' Cove and then below Labrador Bay car park. Alas, no marks as that was not part of tonight's trail.

 

Re-energised with a sugar rush, Beeflicker and I followed the marks home. Along the beach to Shaldon Bridge and then the public footpath behind Teignmouth Rugby Club and the Orangery, over the railway and back to the car park, catching up with Slip-on-Me, Forrest-Stump and Squeaky Bum in the process.

Distance? I have no idea. I forgot to switch on the Garmin.

 

Down-Downs

Back at the Devon Arms, the pub/Hares had arranged for a local shanty duet, Piratefather and Mermaid daughter C.A.S.K. , to add to the pirate fun by entertaining us with a rendition of their sea shanties throughout the evening. 

 

Coldtits organised an interlude to allow the Down-Downs to take place. 

 

Forrest did not want to mark his own homework as he was both co-Hare and RA. As a result, reserve RA/GM U-Bend was press-ganged into conducting the Down-Downs as another duet. This time with Man-Pig.

 

"Are there any Awards from last week?"

 

Of course not. We didn't have any Down-Downs last week. But Woodcock does have the Hashshit shirt from a fortnight ago. Fortunately, grandma Georgie has not washed it. 

 

With a little assistance from Piltdown Man, there is a story about an overloaded ferry. So overloaded that the plimsoll line was rendered invisible. Well, invisible until he got off. Who had overloaded the ferry? Manopause Magnifico. A note for "Slimmer of the year".

 

Wetfart has the titty apron (missing a functioning tit). Because of the dodgy right tit Wetfart thinks it appropriate that the apron should go to a Hasher/pirate that was also missing something.

 

Lost property? No. Forrest had done a proper job dressing up as a pirate complete with a patch over his eye, a hook and a genuine wooden leg. 

 

The father and daughter act from C.A.S.K. then joined in and said that they could remedy Forrest's missing parts. From their bag of sea shanty props, they produced a severed leg, a severed hand and an eye. You really couldn't have made this up. The duet theme continued. But this time with Forrest and Man-Pig.

 

M-P: "How did you lose your leg?"

FS: "Arrrrr! That be a shark".

M-P: "How did you lose your hand?"

FS: "Arrrrrr! That be a crocodile".

M-P: "How did you lose your eye?"

FS: "Arrrrrr! That be when a seagull shat in my eye".

M-P: "That bad?"

FS: "ARRRRRR! That be the day after I had my hook fitted". B' boom!

 

A note for the bionic man and also a note note for the male half of C.A.S.K. for supplying enough spare parts to put Forrest back together again.

 

There are no awards left, or so we thought, but Squashed Balls has a story. 

 

This is about his time in the police force when pubs had to close at 11pm. It was widely known that many pubs and bars were staying open after hours although the drinking was confined to spirits. I can't remember the exact story, but the punchline was something like "shots up the front and poker in the rear" .....hmmmmmmm.

 

We had, wrongly, assumed that we had run out of awards so the final DD's go to our three pirate Hares, Coldtits, Forrest Stump and Polyfella, for a lovely trail, boat ride and grog stop....plus the post Hash entertainment courtesy of C.A S.K.

 

Squeaky Bum had been hiding the jesters hat in her bag but it is too late. All the Down-Downs have gone so that will be saved till next week.

 

However, the show is far from over. Coldtits has awards for best fancy dress. 

 

The hands down winner for the best dressed Hasher is Beefy. He gets the unfinished bottle of dark rum from the grog stop - not bad. It's still 3/4 full! The best dressed Harriet is Slip-on-Me. A bottle of red for her huge effort!

 

And then it is back to C.A.S.K. to play out the evening with a couple more sea shanties.

 

Our thanks to the pub for the Down-Downs and to C.A.S.K. for entertaining us.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Dartbridge Inn, Buckfast. Our Hares are Piltdown Man and Georgie Porgy. The Dartbridge Inn is on the right hand side of the Totnes to Buckfast road (driving from Totnes to Buckfast) immediately before you arrive at its junction with the A38.

 

On-On to next week. MP.