Ausewell that ends well!

The Words for 22nd July 2023

from Ausewell Cross, near Buckland-in-the-moor.

Hare: Pisswell

 

Who wuz there: Piltdown man, Georgie Porgie, Wigwam, Mrs Sheen, Satnav, Soapy, Melon Picker, Zoot, Hotlips, Beeflicker, Cheerio Beerio, Forrest, Manpig, Squeaky bum, Rodger the dodger, Big End, Well hopped, Miss Inn, Shitfaced, Justin, Strap on, Strap dancer, Bobbieball, Fukarwe, Coldtits and Beefy (better late than never!) Ernie and his grandson Corie, Plonker, Runner bean, Eliza and her son Devon, Speedo (self invited and dropped off by Dad- Speedo pop!).

 

The circle:

Shitfaced welcomed returnees and newcomers. There was a short disagreement about who had invited a guest and could claim points for the Groomers award. The virgins were then anointed in flour as per protocol.

 

No Smellie and trails all pretty booked up.

 

Manpig said that Hat rack, a former hasher has recently lost his wife. Our condolences to the family.

The hare then discussed the scoff and sold off most of the remaining meals she had booked. She explained the trail as per usual woffle.

 

There were four trails. The dog trail needed humans to be kept on a lead, as the hare had seen two deer and there were nesting peregrine falcons in the valley below. A permit had been obtained from fountain forestry and a gate unlocked, to help prevent jumping dogs. Another gate would provide an alternative to a stile.

 

The walkers had a choice of two simple trails. ( in retrospect, ha ha!!)

 

The longs were about 6.5miles, but two avoidable loops at the splits would each cut off a mile, making the shorter result a better short trail.

 

There was a mobile sweetie stop by van as Pisswell had already run 10 miles.

 

The trail:

Tricky song, play it as you sing along if you can!

Boney M . - Rivers Of Babylon (Lyrics)

youtu.be

 

From the rivers near Buckland

By the rivers above the Dart

We circled up

Which way we went

To see commandments at Beacon.

By Buckland-in-the-moor

Are Ausewell rocks

You went up there

If you wanted more running.

Through the trees, hare

Hurried us away to Buckland bridge

Through trees, kept off the road

Guess what was in the pisspot

As we stopped for hash cake.

Then the split came

Into the woods and behind the church

If you were on the long.

No stopping to take a chocolate

There’s no quaint cottage box.

Twiddly bit

From the directions from the hare

And the dedication to get there

Virgin ground, permit came right

Here tonight.

Then we climbed up to the rocks

and the Buckland Beacon commandments

Not acceptable was the height,

Climbed tonight

When the GM stamped his staff

rocks split in two

The words revealed

More complicated than Manpig’s!

By this stage all went there

We all bowed down

Yeah, we wept

Whilst we read and recovered.

Twiddly bit

By the rivers of blood and tears

Scratches from gorse

Ye ah, been steep

But grassy track to Ausewell

So we headed to Welstor rock

Jumped wall with stile

We ran “on down”

To the Silent Whistle.

 

The outtakes:

The walkers were lost in about 5 minutes! Piltdown and Georgie Porgie were retrieved in a field, and then admitted to calling out a check back, when in fact a simple cross had been laid to avoid the walkers going left (into someone’s private field). Turn right and there was the trail!

 

She directed them up past the recently fallen tree, she’d pulled aside, so they then went up and missed the 10 commandments for a second time!

 

Pisswell returned to the start to find a little team of walkers having a picnic. She joined them for a while, giving up rounding up the injured, and instead giving them more sustenance and a chance to make up a plausible story!

 

Miss Inn was just down the road at the entrance to Beacon cottages. Others joined her including Shitfaced, who seemed exhausted and said he had been doing a lot of swearing with Pisswells name in the middle! In response, Pisswell sent him up the track, shouting go left, when in fact she meant right!

 

Heading down the road, Pisswell found more people at her main original sweetie stop plan. Hash cakes were on offer, Ausewell or Welstor rock cakes. Pisswell had made her own brew in the tea pisspot! Apologies to all the hashers who had been through the empty SS at Buckland bridge. (walkers fault delaying her!) The chocolate box cottages were minus the chocolates, which were also offered from the van.

 

By the return journey, most people were loaded with rocks (cakes), chocolate and Piss-cider to renter the woodland at Beacon cottages and begin the steep ascent to Buckland beacon.

 

Lots of moans later, some people did actually see the 10 commandments stones at the beacon! Though a few didn’t, no one was lost in the mist up there and the descent down from Welstor rocks was a lovely grassy track to the road.

 

The down downs

These took place at the Silent Whistle in Ashburton. Despite injury, Dodgy Forrest and his knee were persuaded to stay and RA.

 

He thanked the pub for the beer and asked if there were any awards.

 

Beefy awarded the hashit shirt to Piltdown man for confusing all the walkers and leading them astray. He drank to “ Hold it your hand, Mrs Murphy”.

 

The hare was moaned at for…too much shiggy, too many river crossings and mainly “too flat”. She drank her down down to “ Why was she born so beautiful…”

 

Wigwam and Mrs Sheen had a romantic double down down. Having happily been led astray as walkers, they then introduced the new “pretend to get lost and have a picnic instead route!” They drank to “Here’s to nitpickers, they’re so blue…” or something. (I can’t remember and so made that up!)

The water down down was left untouched.

 

Next week: Ernie and Strap-on at the Court Inn, Abbotskerswell. On on from Pisswell. X