TVH3 The Words for 17th March 2025

The Devon Dumpling, Shiphay

Run No. 2067 

 

Paddy's Day Run.....and someone's birthday

 

HARE: Beefy

 

Who wuz there: Beefy, Shitfaced (in body only), Man-Pig, Piltdown Man, Beeflicker, Pisswell, Coldtits, Smellie, Miss'ing, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Ernie, Sarah, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Only Here for the Beer, Two Little Schitz, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Squashed Balls and AH3 visitors Gromit & Gazunder

 

Circle

Barely a Shamrock or a sign of green in the Circle to celebrate St Patrick's Day. That was up until Shitfaced tried to convene the Circle. It was, as repeated many, many times, Shitfaced's birthday....and it showed. I think that Shitfaced had enjoyed an early start celebrating. 

 

Eventually, everyone was welcomed and the GM imparted some new information. Namely a change of venue for next week's Awards' Night. The On-Down has changed to the Highweek Inn, Highweek (unsurprisingly), Newton Abbot.

 

Man-Pig had no announcements for a change but Squashed Balls did. Squashed Balls just wanted to thank all those that attended last Tuesday's funeral for Twin Buffers. There was quite a big turn out of Hashers, mainly from SH4 and TVH3. The eulogy was kind, sincere and comforting - a lovely send off for a lovely lady.

 

With that it was on to the sole Hare - Beefy. Pisswell was nowhere to be seen as this was Beefy Haring solo. I think the brief was Walkers' about 2.5, Shorts' about 3.5 and the Longs' trail sixish.

 

Trail

The evening brought with it a brisk and bitterly cold wind from the east. We were all eager to get going and warm up. Beefy promised us three Long/Short splits but delivered four...and that's excluding the initial split from the pub car park.

 

What followed was a trail so cunning that you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel. Even with the benefit of Beefy's Strava record I am having difficulty recalling exactly where we went. Suffice it to say that there were at least two long/Short splits where the Longs looped around and back onto the Shorts......very cunning indeed.

 

The Walkers turned right out of the car park whilst the Longs and the Shorts turned left, up Collaton Road and then down Cadewell Lane and past the main entrance to Torbay Hospital. Miss'ing was FRB'ing with Wet-Johnny and the Pig in pursuit. 

 

Past the hospital the trail did not a go-go and W-J and the Pig were called back to engage in a loop around Rougement Avenue, Grosvenor Avenue and Wallace Avenue; back onto Cadewell Lane to rejoin the Shorts going down Water lane....a lovely and well hidden culture-de-sac [sic]. But this was not before a lone cyclist had rode towards us shouting, "On-On". Who on earth was this? Pisswell - as it turned out.

 

Surprisingly, the Pig and Wet-Johnny found themselves FRB'ing at this point. More perplexingly, they stayed there. I have no idea where Beeflicker was, or even if he was doing the Longs? Shirley a week is long enough to recover from the Grizzly......unless you're into face-planting? (see the Pig for guaranteed ways to enhance your looks by adopting the bitmac facial massage technique). The other usual suspects were also absent. The Topiary Twins were missing so no chance of Psycho getting an 8th consecutive Down-Down and Beefy was Haring. Hence some new faces at the head of the pack.

 

At the end of Water Lane, there wa a Long/Short split....or was it a Walkers/Long & Short split? Can't remember. Don't care. We were definitely on Shiphay lane for a while and then perhaps Lloyd avenue. Anyway, in next to no time we were passing the Chineses takeaway on Queenway before an almost invisible arrow had us enter the footpath that separates the boys and girls grammar schools. We followed the marks along the no-mans' land between the metal palisade fencing. The only thought that crossed my mind was, "Would this fencing really perform a secure barrier against jumping sperm?" There is a story behind this query....and it is a true story (see me for details of incredulous naivety).

Just exiting the no-mans' land, we meet up with Beefy, Gromit and Gazunder. Gromit has recovered well from his earlier, and undisclosed, fall. 

 

We are now in a loop around the edge of a small park and probably along Raleigh Close and Grenville Avenue taking in a bit of Markham Plantation....are we heading to Cockington? Another footpath across a road and up Weeksland Road would be my guess and then up the steep track that leads onto Staddons Lea Lane. Some of these paths look familiar but I am not used to running them in this direction so I am having difficulty placing myself...until....hallelujah....Nut Bush Lane. A loop into a field parallel with Nut Bush City Limits and back across and down the track past Armada Park. 

 

At the lowest point, an arrow leads us into Armada Park. We now do three sides of a square around the submerged reservoir.

 

The marks really are quite excellent and we are soon out of the park and heading for Higher Edginswell Lane. A long descent followed by our fourth Long/Short split of three?! 

 

Back up Fowey Avenue turn right at the garden gnomes and back onto Higher Egdinswell Lane to retrace our footsteps back onto the Shorts. Then it is a straight trek along Higher Cadewell Lane and "On Home" at Collaton Road.

 

Looking at the OS map, Beefy has done jolly well. He has very nearly had us back on the outward trail by yards and he seems to have covered every footpath in Shiphay. It's not surprising that he's clocked up 15 miles laying it....fantastic. 

 

Who says that you can't have a good Hash in town? Excelllent.

 

Down-Downs

Back in the pub, it is evident that the birthday boy never actually made it out on trail. He is a tad wobbly. Hence Shitfaced gets all the right notes.....but not necessarily in the right order.

 

The second Down-Down goes to the Hare. But not for Haring. This is for delivering a wholly inaccurate pre-Hash briefing. We were all clearly advised that there would be three Long/Short splits. there were, in fact, four. Well, four for everyone except Smellie who, somehow, managed to find five L/S splits. Both were called up front and centre - a note for the mathematically challenged. Beefy also gets the only award present, the Checking Chicken Hat.

 

Are there any stories? Well Hopped has one. Unfortunately, she has had the misfortune to be sitting beside our rather wobbly GM. 

 

I think the gist of the story was that Shitfaced had asked her, on four occasions within 15 minutes, "Do you know it's my birthday today?" A rather poor chat up line and I can't recall what we sang.

There is a half pint of water left but are there any more stories?

 

Pisswell discloses that there were quite a few fallers on the Shorts' trail. These included Ernie and Strap-On. Strap-Dancer confirmed that Strap-On will sleep anywhere and at every opportunity....but cuddling up to a sleeping policeman in the middle of the road...at night! How unwise. A note for the Plod Lover.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is the AGPU....so be there! Our Hare is, once again, trail laying supremo - Poacher.

 

On-On to next week, MP