TVH3 The Words for 14 April 2025

 

The Kestor Inn, Manaton

Run No. 2071

A Virgin GM & Virgin RA

HARE: Poacher

 

Who wuz there: Poacher, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Checkmate, Beefy, Pisswell, Melon Picker, Soapy, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Psycho, Red Rum, Sarah and visiting Harriet - Knotty who usually runs with AshHash

 

Circle

Our new GM, Pocket Rocket, meekly steps into the Circle. He welcomes all including a local Harriet - Knotty (very local - she runs from the Kestor Inn). With a little assistance, there is the announcement of next week's Hash and he additionally gets the run number almost right. Beefy then steps into the Circle to award our new GM some tools of the trade. He is given a plastic baby's dummy in the shape of a Hash foot and some nappy wipes. There was also some utterance about baby oil....ahem!

 

No Smellie so no announcements regarding for Hares.

 

Poacher briefs us on the trail. He has no idea as to length (he must have got it right though as the tail end of the Longs arrived back at the pub at 8.55 - bang on). There was a distinct possibility of virgin territory.

 

Trail

The Hare held out the promise of virgin territory and he duly delivered.

 

The trail took us out of the pub car park and right towards Manaton Church but at the first junction there was a check. This didn't stop Man-Pig and Forrest checking the obvious but incorrect route.

The trail now took us on a narrow footpath behind some houses - but in the opposite direction than the last time we were down here. Back on road and another check. Eventually, we find ourselves on the footpath that leads down to Becky Falls. I have never been down here in my life. Judging by the duckboards this path must normally be pretty boggy.

 

We run along footpaths, narrow then broad, in woodland until we arrive at the first Long/Short split. Poacher explains that those going Short at this juncture will be on a short trail. I think that this was, effectively, treated as a Walkers/Long & Shorts' split. I am pretty sure that the Longs & Shorts now comprised: Beeflicker, Beefy, Wet-Johnny, Psycho, Erection, Sarah, Red Rum, Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Pisswell and Soapy.

 

Not far along a broad forestry track, Beefy arrives at a back check. It is now down a steep (say 30 degree) slope, with no discernible trail, to a lower forestry track. Again, this was a rerun of an earlier Poacher trail but in reverse. The track zigzags its way down to Beckabook where we cross a wooden footbridge and arrive at the second Long/Short split. In front of us, Armageddon. 

 

The Longs are sent on a vertiginous climb up towards Trendlebeer Down but always staying within the woods. This was all off path/track but the marks were good. Everyone struggled with the ascent - except Mitch....mind you, he does have an advantage...four legs! Forrest initially ummed and erred but the temptation was too great so up he went (how does he do it?). 

 

Just as we commenced our descent for what was, inevitably, the usually Poacher Perisher loop, the car key incident occurred. Keys recovered, we descended to the calls of Poacher. The descent was as challenging as the ascent. By the time we were next to Beckabrook Beeflicker, Beefy and Wet-Johnny were long gone.

 

The remainder crossed another timber footbridge and ran along the arc of the River Bovey in Houndtor Wood. It was just beginning to get a tad dipsy and we were wondering if we were still running away from the pub - we were!

 

We arrive at a check at a double bridge which has been kicked out across the bridge. Shirley some mistaka. The brave Harriets try out the dodgy elder bridge whilst the Pig stays firm on the new bridge. Nobody loses their perch and falls in despite the Pig encouraging all to wave for a photo. Then a call, "On back". Despite finding marks on the other side of the bridge, this was a false trail and Poacher called us back.

 

Throughout the Longs' trail, we had come across a lot of Hash markings that were in sawdust. Sensibly we ignored them as our Hare had advised that the trail was in flour. Forrest and Mitch had caught up and were now FRB's on the long ascent to the edge of the woods. It was dark enough to require electrical illumination. Poacher said that it was ruining his night vision as he trotted along the now level track at the edge of the woods. Then a strange call, "F**k, f**k, F**k, f**k, f**k, f**k". It appears that our illuminationless Hare hadn't eaten enough carrots as he stumbled but didn't fall. However, in so doing, he appeared to have strained his knee.

 

He is fit enough to hobble and soon we are on a strangely familiar wide forestry track and heading back to the first of the Long/Short splits, now replete with an "OH" sign. It was certainly dark now and even though the track was wide, eventually merging into tarmac, Psycho and I definitely needed our torches.

Another "OH" and we were back in Manaton immediately below the pub. Another epic adventure over. Thank you Poacher.

 

Down-Downs

We have a new RA in our midst. It is Pisswell. Time to put her to the test....but not so soon. Having missed last week's AGPU Pisswell was insistent that she be formally inaugurated into her new position by the GM. Pocket Rocket duly did the needful by re-enacting a knighthood with his staff of office.

Pisswell leaps into her new position by thanking the pub for having us....regrettably no-one is behind the bar to hear us. Then it is onto the stories - real or perceived.

 

Our new RA has a hat to give away and a story. This is the story of a Harriet on the Longs that might well have had a long walk home had it not been for the eagle-eyed Soapy. Well off the beaten track and half way up/down a 45 degree escarpment, Soapy finds a Skoda car key. It is not hers. "Does anyone have a Skoda?" she asks those clinging onto the near sheer rock face. I mention that Psycho has a Skoda and we shout down to Psycho, "Have you lost your car keys?" Hanging grimly onto a tree branch she uses the other hand to check her pockets, one-by-one. "Yes". The solitary key is reunited with its owner. Unfortunately, the owner has to rush home early (exam the next day) so misses out on the pub. Our new RA is quick to learn. In the absence of the guilty party she nominates herself to take the DD Forrest-Stump style! Soapy, as key finder, is also called up for an all Harriet double-header.

The Hare gets a DD but Poacher will only drink cider so he finishes what remains of his drink - "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

We still have the outstanding issue of naming Sarah. She likes horse riding and her surname is Bird. Beeflicker has been looking up odd bird names on his magic phone. The preferred choice is The Fluffy Headed Tit Babbler - yes, it really exists. But the name is too long and Sarah would prefer a name with no rudeness. "Mane Attraction" is mentioned and I think that is what we went with but TVH hashers will be children and various amalgamations/abbreviations followed: Tit Attraction, Fluffy Attraction, Fluffy Tits, Tit Babbler etc. I rather fear that Mane Attraction will metamorphosise into Tit Babbler over time.

 

Sarah is called up for her naming and made to kneel before the RA for her anointing and naming with a little additional Holy Water/beer being sprinkled by Forrest. This would normally have been fine but he'd spent much of the evening scratching his balls!

 

By my arithmetic, there is one half left but my memory is a blank so it is farewell to the pub and another big "Thankyou" and it is "On" to next week.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Chudleigh car park with the on-down at the Ship (I know that The Bishop Lacey is under new management but I do not know if they open on a Monday). Our Hares are Hotlips and Zoot.

 

On-On to next week, M-P