TVH3 The Words for 31st March 2025

The Pig & Whistle, Littlehempston

Run No. 2069

Twilight

HARE: Beeflicker

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Zoot, Hotlips, Poacher, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Coldtits, Smellie, Well Hopped, Fukarewe, Ernie, Red Rum, Strap-On, Sarah, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Only Here for the Beer, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Judgemental, Pocket Rocket, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Pork Torpedo, Horny, returnee Total Recoil and returnee/visitor from Portsmouth & District Hash - Turn-Up-Tony & his missus

 

Circle

It's just as well the Pig & Whistle has a large car park as we nearly filled it with a turnout of 33. Mind you, if the Bentley hadn't taken up two spaces, we could have avoided our solitary case of blocked-in parking.

 

Shitfaced introduced all to the Circle and asked a couple of returnees to reintroduce themselves. The returnees comprised local lad Total Recoil and visitor/returnee Turn-Up-Tony from Portsmouth & District (PAD) H3. Shitfaced additionally reminded us that he would be standing down as GM as from next week's AGPU. Interested parties please put your name forward. Uninterested parties will have their names put forward by someone else. If you do not attend the AGPU, you run the risk of being volunteered into a position that you know nothing about!

 

I think Smellie is OK for Hares up until about June. Nevertheless, Smellie politely reminded us that this is our Hash, a hobby that we all enjoy in equal share and that we shouldn't be be reliant upon the same old faces undertaking the Haring duties week-in and week out. It is your Hash, and like a lot in life, you get out of it what you put in. 

 

So I would ask al of you to consider laying a trail or two and also consider putting your name forward for a position on the Committee at next week's AGPU. 

 

Ergo, The Words. Yes, I love doing them but I am sure that some of you must get tired with the Pig's boring monotony. Everyone has their own style of writing and this applies equally to setting the Trails. Each Hare has their signature hallmark of how they lay a trail. So, how about we revert to nominating a different person to write the Words each week or take a leaf out of SH4's modus operandi? Their Hares are picked to Hare on the date nearest their birthday and the run's scribe is assigned alphabetically.

Onto the Hare for some (mis)information. The walkers' trail is 1.75 miles; Shorts' about 5 and Longs' 6.1 miles.....I think. Marks are always on your right. Some parts of the trail are bi-directional i.e. you'll be coming back on the out trail......simples!

 

Trail

The weather had been glorious for the past 2 days. The clocks had sprung forward the previous morning. This meant that, for the first time this year, we we starting the trail in daylight.......just.

We all trotted out of the gate and along the footpath at the back of the pub car park, towards Littlehempston. 

 

At the first check, another returnee, Fukarewe checks out a false trail....yes, it takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Over a timber footbridge, along the edge of someone's garden, another gate and then a drop onto the small lane between Littlehempston and Uphempston. This short length of trail had dots of floor on both sides of the footpath....the out & back.

 

Our second check had us running downhill and to a third check at the quirky three way junction which comprises two small bridges.

 

Beefy checked fruitlessly to the left whilst FRB'ing Pork Torpedo was the first to call, "On-On" up the steep and broad rocky footpath up to the A381 (Totnes - Newton Abbot road). 

 

The trail crossed the road and continued up to a fishook. The first four about turned thus allowing the Pig the opportunity to get the next check wrong. 

 

We were now on a series of footpaths marked with arrows and checks. Right, left, right, left until we were back on road not too far from the entrance to the Berry Pomeroy estate. A brief chat with Fukarewe about properties and unfulfilled romances on Jubilee Road and then it was downhill and past Coombepark Cross heading for Gatcombe House. 

 

I catch up with Well Hopped and Pisswell just as Sarah is trying to lead them astray and onto the Medium trail......Medium? There was no mention of Medium in the Circle. This was, in fact, the L&S/Walkers' split. Sarah must have been reading it upside down! 

 

Realising their mistake, all elect to follow the LS marks. We are now on the narrow lane passing Gatcombe Mill. At its end there is a T-junction and an arrow pointing left. I catch up with Poacher who says that Cider is struggling. She is telling him that she doesn't want to Hash anymore.

 

"But she's only a young dog", mutters the Pig.

"Eleven", replies Poacher.

I am astounded. I recall when Cider was a tiny puppy. It only seems like yesterday.

 

We cross the A381 again. This part of the trail looks familiar. It is part of Wet-Johnny's trail from a couple of years ago. But, where would we go this evening? 

 

We carry on towards Hempstone Park where Beeflicker is calling back Beefy from a check. We carry on through the tiny hamlet of Uphempston. Behind me are Beefy, Sarah, Pisswell and Well-Hopped. In front, Wet-Johnny and Total Recoil. 

 

At the T-junction, an arrow directs us left and past the footpath that passed through the field of golden wheat on Wet-Johnny's trail some two years back. No check and no arrows so we carry on to a Y-junction with a track to right. Such an obvious trail but no marks. We stay on road for another 100 yards before the next check at the bottom of a track.

 

Man-Pig foolishly checks on road. Wet-Johnny sensibly checks out the long track to the west of Penny's Wood. This track is long, wide, steep and, yes, beautiful even though it is nearly pitch black - time for the torch. Sarah, Pisswell and Well-Hopped have stolen a lead on the drop down to Tally Ho Bridge. Again, I recognise this piece of road. It is part of a Bobbiball trail 2 or 3 years ago. Inevitably there is a check but the FRB's (Beefy, Wet-Johnny & Total Recoil) have already kicked it out. 

 

Under the railway bridge then left, right, left and up another long track to Parsonage Cross. Piswell, Well Hopped and the Pig then commence the final part of the trail, on road, back towards Littlehempston. Well, not quite the last part of the trail. We had forgotten the last Long/Short split. Just outside the village is the last L/S split. 

 

The Harriets go Short whilst the Pig is interested to find out where the Long would take him. He knew that he was heading for the SWW Sewerage Treatment Works but little else. Would he end up "Happy as a pig in sh*t?". Read on.

 

It proved to be a loop past Littlehempston Church (not going through the churchyard) and then past the Tally Ho pub and thence rejoining the outward trail.

 

Back in the pub car park by 8.50. Perfect timing and not a trace of sh*t anywhere on the Pig!

 

Down-Downs

Unsurprisingly, the Pig was last back. It had been an excellent trail; thoroughly enjoyed by all. Smellie arranged some free Down-Downs with the pub and as soon as scoffers had finished scoffing it was on with the DD's.

 

We start by thanking the pub for having us and for providing the Down-Downs. We haven't been here for a long, long time. I think it is nearly 15 years ago that TVH3 were last here but Poacher reckons that he laid a trail from here about 6 years ago, perhaps that was when I was abroad?

 

Wet-Johnny has the only Award present. It is the horned hat and he has a story. It is about the incident where a Harriet led other Hashers astray. This was achieved by reading a "W" as an "M" and thus taking said Hashers on an imaginary Medium Trail. Our misleading Harriet is, yet to be named, Sarah Bird. She is an English and drama teacher and likes riding horses.....put your thinking caps on for a naming in the next couple of weeks. We have the Hash Songmeister in our midst and he comes up with "Twenty Toes".

 

There are no more Awards so, "What did we think of the trail?"

 

"Amazing", "brilliant" were some of the comments. Beeflicker takes the water and our Songmeister comes up with the particularly apt, S.H.I..Y.T.R.A.I.L.

 

This DD is interrupted by the Landlord dropping a beer tray behind the bar. Hence, the next DD goes to the Landlord to a chorus of "Fry's Turkish Delight".

 

Smellie has a story but it is best recounted by the affected party. A senior member of TVH3 was less than gentlemanly to our visitor from PADS H3. Whilst climbing over a stile Wetfart let rip with a trainer filling liquid fart....right in the face of our following visitor. Wetfart has made himself scarce so our sneaking visitor gets a DD to the tune of, "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

One glass of beer left and one badge to award - and it is a biggy. Surprisingly, no one guesses the correct number which is 600. My money would have been on Coldtits or Soapy. It is neither. Shitfaced then announces the recipient. The badge is already in his hand. It is the Pig. I have no idea what ditty PT came up with. I was too busy gulping.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is our AGPU (Annual General piss Up). It is from the Park Inn, Kingskerswell. Our Hare is, once again, Beeflicker. Don't forget to throw your hats into the ring for a Committee position next week.....don't be shy now!

 

On-On to next week, M-P