The Park inn, Kingskerswell
Run No. 2070
AGPU & Shitfaced's swan song
HARE: Beeflicker
Who
wuz there: Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Bluebird, Shitfaced,
Zoot, Hotlips, Threesum, Base Camp, Poacher, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy,
Coldtits, Smellie, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Big End, Fukarewe,
Ernie, Sarah, Red Rum, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Only Here for the
Beer, Two Little Schitz, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Pocket Rocket, Psycho,
Warmfront, Archangel, Ablesemen, Bobbiball, Park'n'Ride, T-Humper &
friend and visiting Harriet - Minxie
Circle
Almost
no announcements. Shitfaced welcomed our sole visitor - Minxie. There
were also returnees in the form of T-Humper and friend. In a nutshell,
Shitfaced advised that scoff was being laid on for the evening's AGPU.
It is free for annual members, weekly payers are expected to contribute
£2.
Smellie, amazingly, has Hares upto July. Excellent.
So,
over to the Hare - Beeflicker. The trail would be relatively short
and restricted to the village so that we could push on with the AGPU.
Beeflicker explained that there were three trails; a Walkers' trail of
about 1 mile and a Shorts' trail of about 3 miles.....errrrm....that's 2
trails! Ah yes. "For the Longs do the Shorts' followed by the
Walkers'. It should be about 5 miles!" Errrm......another arithmetic
anomaly....but who cares?
Trail
Now,
I have lived in Kingskerswell for 29 years. I would have thought that I
was pretty familiar with it by now. Clearly not. Our Hare had me on
three pieces of road or footpath that I never knew existed. The trail
was a tight-knit affair with marks always on the LEFT. This meant that
the trail could go down one side of a road and then back up the other
side....ingenious.
The
cunningly laid convolutions had the Longs running up towards the
primary school whilst the Walkers were running down the other side of
the road looking for all the world like unlikely FRB's.
It
might have been a short run but a lot of work must have gone into
planning it so a big "Thankyou & well done" to Beeflicker". You kept
us on out toes and virgin territory to boot!
Down-Downs
Sarah
has two awards (one will be saved for next week). She awards the
jesters hat to OHFTB for confusing his Thirsty Blonde with a Naked Lady.
A note for the Ginger-Minger.
Bluebird
has two stories. The first is about Poacher costing him an arm and a
leg as a half pint of cider grew to a pint and a half of cider and
significant damage to his wallet. Story number two is about moggies.
Bluebird relates to Able a sombre tale of how your cats will eat you if
you die at home and there is no food for the house tigers.. "That's OK",
says Ablesemen. "I don't have a pussy!" No? Well...
And
with that, Able is voted in as the recipient for the award which turns
out to be the long-lost Hashit shirt, previously exiled within the
dungeon realm of the Flightless One. Sigh..
Ernie
also has an award...... and a story. Ernie recounts that early on in
the trail two Harriets are admiring someone's nicely manicured garden.
In particular they were interested in a bush. They were stroking it,
kissing it, fingering....all sorts. They were definitely intent on
having it away. It will come as no surprise that the responsible party
were the aptly named Topiary Twins. Warmfront is not driving so she gets
the half pint of ale accompanied by "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".
Forrest
is RA'ing and there is a 50th run badge to award. For some unknown
reason he thinks it is Shitfafced's. It is not. But, having Shitfaced
front & centre provides the ideal opportunity to give him his
retirement present. Beefy and Pisswell (regrettably absent this
evening) have provided a fitting present and it is gift wrapped.
Shitfaced is invited to unwrap it. This he dutifully does only to be
presented with a re-run of The Awards' Night from a fortnight ago.
The
present is embedded in flour. Eventually, he extracts a flour covered
bubble-wrap bag. Inside the bag is a clock. It might even have an
inscription, "For 7 Years of Loyal Service to TVH3", or it might not?
What it does have is an unfeasibly short electric lead. Oh, how we all
laughed! We appear to have run out of Down-Downs so Forrest gives
Shitfaced his pint to finish off.
Then
there is the case of the 50th run badge. To whom will it go? Forrest
has already forgotten the recipient. A gentle reminder and Psycho is
called up to receive her first TVH3 badge. "She's the meanest she
sucks......" etc.
In
the confusion, we forget to thank the pub for the scoff and the
Down-Downs. Our apologies and a big "Thankyou" to Park'n'Ride and Karen
for looking after TVH3 so well over many a year.
So, eventually, we move onto the AGPU.
AGPU
I'm
afraid that I missed he first part of the AGPU as I was at the bar
getting Forrest a replacement pint for the impromptu Down-Down awarded
to Shitfaced. I am assuming that Threesum went through the accounts and
everyone agreed with them (they did).
I
rejoined the AGPU as Piltdown Man was running of a list of statistics
covering the past 12 months. Amongst other things the list included
those who had attended most frequently. Beeflicker was at the top with
49 appearances. Then there were the number of trails laid by various
individuals. Staggeringly, Shitfaced was near the top but what about his
"friends"? Conveniently omitted. I can't recall top Hare....Poacher or
Beeflicker I think.
The
stats were informative but I can't help but think that this is the
sort of information that should really be posted on the Hash FB page
just prior to voting for the Awards. In fact, if I cast my mind back a
long time ago, pre-internet, I am sure that these stats were printed out
on A4 and handed out with the voting forms (yes, indeed they were by
Teapot).
Additionally,
we had a table of all who had received Down-Downs throughout the year,
and how many. Perhaps a thought for the current mismanagement to
conjure with?
Shitfaced
then ran down the list of existing committee members and asked them if
they'd be prepared to stand again. The current incumbents were happy
enough to remain in position for another 12 months with the following
exceptions. Strap-On (absent) really didn't want to be an RA.
Additionally, Shitfaced had already announced that he would have to
stand down from being GM due to forthcoming work commitments. So, who
could be persuaded to fill these shoes?
Pisswell had indicated that she would like to have a go and was, in absentia, duly sworn in.
And
the biggie. Who was going to take over as GM? Shitfaced announced that
Man-Pig had thrown his hat into the ring. Man-Pig swiftly corrected
this and clarified that Shitfaced had suggested that I might want to do
it. Bluebird then leapt to the fore and made quite an impassioned
speech advocating the Pig's undoubted prowess in such matters. It was
as flattering as it was embarrassing and I thank the Bird for his kind
words. However, the Hash is so much more than any single person so the
Pig simply stated that he was quite happy to continue as RA but he
would not stand for GM in addition to being an RA. It was an "either,
or" scenario as far a the Pig was concerned.
Banter and chit-chat followed and somehow, in the milieu, Pocket-Rocket emerged as GM.......fantastic.
There
had also been a hint that U Bend might not have been prepared to stand
in as Vice GM and Forrest put himself forward for the post and was
approved.
But
the night was far from over. The outgoing GM was about to have his
swan song - literally. By some devious and devilish magic T-Humper had
got her phone to speak with the PA system. What followed was both
unexpected and, in parts, bizarre. Shitfaced bowed out by thanking some
of the behind the scenes committee members for their assistance. In
particular, Threesum who received a bouquet of flowers. Next, Shitfaced
went on to explain that he'd had quite a lot of personal issues during
his time as GM. There were many times when he simply didn't want to
make the effort to turn up on a Monday evening. But turn up he did -
and he was always grateful that he had.
For
many, the Hash is not only a relaxing way in which to chill out, it is
downright cathartic. In particular, Shitfaced wanted to thank Zoot who
was also blessed with a bouquet.
And
then to the grand finale. Some giggled; some laughed; others were
open-mouthed and wide-eyed as Shitfaced bowed out by singing (karaoke
style) a Hash version of "I did it my way"............ you certainly
did!
Next week
Next week's Hash is from the Kestor inn, Manaton. Our Hare is, once again, Poacher.
On-On to next week. MP
No comments:
Post a Comment