TVH 40 YEAR CELEBRATION WEEKEND

Teign Valley will be celebrating 40 years of hashing in August . Details attached . Weekend of fun and hashing Friday August 30th - Sunday 1st Sept ONLY £69.00 cheaper if sharing. Please email completed form to zootonon@gmail.com

You can also complete the form online here

https://docs.google.com/.../1FAIpQLScOA5EpYAudJ1.../viewform

Monday's trail

Run #2022 Monday 27th May 7:15 pm circle up from the Manor Inn, 2 Stoke Gabriel Rd, Galmpton, Brixham TQ5 0NL with U Bend.

TVH3 The Words for 20th May 2024

The Dartbridge Inn, Buckfast

Run No. 2021

 

Chocolate dipped strawberries galore!

 

HARES: Piltdown Man & Georgy Porgy

 

Who wuz there: Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Beefy, Smellie, Woodcock, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Piddler, Slip-on-Me, U-Bend, Wet Johnny, Big End, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Amy, Fukarewe, Strap-On, Arkangel, Warmfront, Psycho, Wetfart, Ablesemen, Satnav, Pork Torpedo & Horny.

 

Circle

For the second week running, no GM. There was an unreliable rumour that his absence was due to his involvement with a young lady? 

 

In his absence, U-Bend acted as GM....mainly to plug his trail for next week which is from The Manor Inn, Galmpton. U-Bend advises that there maybe a sense of deja vu regarding the trail. We will see.

The only announcement was from Smellie. Hares are required from July onwards and so over to the Hares.

 

Perhaps we shouldn't have listened to the guidance and just followed the marks. There was some information about a Long/Short split marked with three arrows depending on whether you preferred a Long short or a shorter Short. 

 

Sounds like a simple Long/Short split to me. 

 

There was also a Walkers' trail...I think. The Longs would only be about 4.5 and the Longer of the two Shorts about 4 miles. I never did hear how long the shorter Short was or how long the Walkers' trail was. Note to self: clean ears/buy hearing aid.

 

Trail

We were directed out of the car park on a heading for Ashbuton.

 

Sure enough, a check at the bottom of a public footpath (might have been a bridleway) had us on a long, steep, but broad, track. 

 

As the track levelled off, we arrived at the first of two VP's. This afforded us a beautiful view looking up towards Dartmoor and down into Buckfast where the top of the abbey's tower could just be seen above the foliage of surrounding trees.

 

At the end of the track, the Walkers took a right whilst the Longs and the Shorts went left on road. First down and then, after about 600 yards, up to a check just past Pridhamsleigh. 

 

The trail now took us right and along another public footpath. This was level to start with and then rose. The footpath ended just opposite a farm at Bulland and the marks now took us left, along a short length of road, and then right and onto another footpath. This was pretty leve,l and it wasn't long before we arrived at a fork with another footpath leading down to the right...a Long/Short split.

 

I was running with Smellie and attempting to catch up but a jolly painful toe meant that tonight it was slow going for me. Just before the L/S split, a dog caught me up. It was Perry. Forrest would not be far behind. 

 

My heart sank when Smellie decided to go Long. My toe was killing me. What should I do? Tough it out and go Long or be sensible and go Short. If I'd been really sensible I would have stayed in the pub. Foolishly I followed Smellie knowing that this was going to cause me a lot of pain.

 

The Longs continued past the L/S split for another 500 yards or so before joining tarmac and turning right towards Parkfield Cross and then right again and dropping towards a silo about 500 yards away.

This is where the Shorts would exit and rejoin the Longs. Although it was downhill, Smellie stole a good lead on me before slowing to a walk up the other side of the hill.

 

We passed Higher Penn farm on our left and then arrived at a tight right hand bend. A farm track lay dead ahead but the road to our right looked just as unused. 

 

We followed the marks and clambered over a steel gate and onto another footpath; this time running along the edge of a field. We were high (altitude - not skunkweed) and Smellie stopped to take in the glorious views of the rolling Devon hills. 

 

Sometimes it's good to stop, pause for a moment, forget the run and take in the views. Peaceful, calming, inspiring....all things all at once. I love it when the winter is behind us and we can leave our torches behind and run in the sunshine. In many respects, the Devon countryside is hard to beat, moor, coast and everything in between.

 

The footpath skirted the left hand side of two fields separated by another steel gate. This one opened easily and we didn't need to climb over it. 

 

The path took us into a wood and down a broad track with a steep drop to a stream on our left. No doubt that the stream would find its way into the Dart at some stage.

 

We arrived at a farmhouse but the marks took us straight on, eventually arriving at a T-junction onto a lane. No checks. The marks took us right. As the lane started to climb, it also deteriorated somewhat. What I had assumed to be part of the public highway basically turned into a track. What had once been part of Devon Highways (and still is according to Georgy Porgy's stanav) had decayed to ratshit - either by negligence or by design.

 

At the top of the alleged public highway, we arrived at the sweetie stop. Or, more accurately, Georgy's now famous summer speciality - chocolate dipped strawberries. So good that I had to have two....unlike some people......Smellie - three, well really? I suppose we were last and we didn't want them going to waste.

 

We were now at High Breara Farm. I knew exactly where we were. Despite Georgy's tempting offer of a sneaky lift back to the pub, we trotted past the farm whereupon an arrow had us tracking behind the farm. 

 

At a junction, we had a choice. Go left up and then across and down a public footpath to Austin's Bridge or carry straight on along the rather overgrown bridleway. 

 

We heard the rapid patter of footsteps and a female voice. Had we caught up with a tail ender? No, it was a young local girl being terribly helpful.

 

"They've all gone down there", pointing along the jungle warfare combat terrain that lay before us. As good as her word, the next thing we see is a blob of floor. The bridiepath it is then.

 

I "oohed" and "ouched" my way along slowly whilst Smellie melted into the distance. This was a long old track and I am certain that I've never been down here before. 

 

By the time the bridlepath entered woodland, the absence of daylight made the track almost entirely clear of vegetation. However, the absence of vegetation was replaced by a steepish descent down a rutted part of the bridle track that obviously doubles as an overflow channel when it rains. there was still a bit of a trickle in it now.

 

We passed a couple of what looked like quaint holiday cottages at Ware and followed the marks down onto the Buckfast to Totnes Road and the OH. 

 

Pretty much bang on 9pm. An hour and a half to cover four and a half painful miles. The pleasures of being a Hasher.....and well worth it. Thank you Piltdown.....and Georgy.

 

Down-Downs

The Pig, definitely not flying tonight, was the last back, hobbling badly; maybe gout, bunions, broken toe. Don't know. Just jolly painful. Why, oh why, did I do the Longs? 

 

Anyway, Forrest assumed RA'ing duties. First up was to thank Piltdown Man for the Down-Downs and a big "Thank you" was definitely deserved due to the staggering £5.30/pint for Timothy Taylor's Landlord bitter!

 

Squeaky Bum has the Union Jack stove pipe hat from a fortnight ago. Now, just how lazy can you be on a Hash? Certainly, there are many when, arriving at a check, just stand there waiting for someone else to do the checking out. Not so this evening. This very night ,one of our seasoned Hashers arrived at the check and really couldn't be bothered to check it out. However, rather than wait for a call of "On-On" from our athletic FRB's, he buttonholes a civilian out walking with his dog.

 

"Have you seen any white dots of flour whence you came?"

 

"Wot? Down there? Ooooh arrr. They be along there!"

 

"Thank you my good fellow" and our entrepreneurial Hasher bade the stranger a good evening and a welcome smile.

 

So who is tonight's silver tongued lethario/lazy git? It is Fukarewe, who else?

 

We have the Songmeister with us this evening so we have a, "He doesn't kiss the girls anymore. he likes them nice and hairy...."

 

Next up is Forrest with, or more accurately without, the titty apron. Forrest comes up with a story about falling over his dog lead but only after having been pushed by a fellow Hasher. Who is the dastardly deed doer? Piddler.

 

Our Songmeister gives us, "He's the meanest. He sucks a horses pe*is....."

 

"Are there any more stories?" There is one regarding a simple arithmetical error. I can't recall who the sneak was regarding this story. I think that it was either Georgy Porgy or Slip-on-Me. 

 

The basis of the story is that Forrest arrives at the sweetie stop with his mutt, Perry. Someone observes and comments as follows:

 

"Six legs is better than two".

 

Hmmmmm. I think that someone needs to go to Specsavers. But I'm fecked if I can remember who it was. The Songmeister comes up with a song. All that I can recall on this one was that I got all of the right words....but not necessarily in the right order.

 

The final half of liquid gold.

 

"Who has the Hashshit shirt?".

 

We think it's Manopause but neither he nor the shirt is here. Hence the last Down-Down goes to the hare for a fantastic trail with two marked VP's and stunning views across the Devon countryside throughout. 

 

Well done Piltdown Man. Once again, Pork Torpedo is called upon to lead us into the Down-Down song.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Manor Inn at Galmpton. Our Hare will be the lord of said manor, U-Bend. No doubt sweeping by mountain bike again.

 

On-On to next week. MP

Run #2021 Monday 20th May

 7:15 pm circle up from Dartbridge Inn Buckfastleigh, Totnes Rd, Buckfastleigh TQ11 0JR with Piltdown and Georgie.

The Dartbridge Inn is on the right hand side of the Totnes to Buckfast road (driving from Totnes to Buckfast) immediately before you arrive at its junction with the A38.

 

TVH3 The Words for 13th May 2024

The Devon Arms, Teignmouth

Run No. 2020 - Pirate Hash

 

HARES: Coldtits, Polyfella and Forrest-Stump

 

Who wuz there: Coldtits, Polyfella, Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Woodcock, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Slip-on-Me, Hot Lips, Zoot, U-Bend, Wet Johnny, Erection, Manopause, Wetfart, Ablesemen, Miss Ing, Woodlend, Woodlend's girlfriend, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers and guest appearance by the original Brixham pirate - Broken Man.

 

Circle

The weather. The weather.

Once again numbers were a little down - 25. In fairness, I suspect that some of our regulars may still have been away on holiday and capitalising on last Monday's bank holiday. The day's incessant rain didn't help either. Although it did abate a little during the run.

 

Announcements were briefer than usual due to the absence of our GM....a migraine and our Harerazor....exhausted, and she only lives round the corner.

 

Our reserve GM cum RA, U-Bend, rose to the occasion to welcome all to the rather damp Pirate Hash. Some were damper than others. Beefy, Beeflicker, Manopause and Erection were still wearing vests! As this was a pirate themed hash, several Hashers had elected to run in fancy dress. 

 

These included Beeflicker, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me and Beefy complete with pirate plank embossed with baby footprints. Others saved their fancy dress for the pub, Forrest and Ablesemen etc.

 

In the absence of any announcements, it was over to the Hares. 

 

Forrest advised that there were Long, Short and Walkers' trails out there somewhere but, before we set off, we all needed to be on back beach by 7.30. This was because the Black Pearl would be casting-off bang-on seven-and-a-half bells.

 

Trail

In a rerun of last year's Pirate Hash, we all "walked the plank" (no keel hauling today) and boarded the ferry to Shaldon. It was not a rough crossing but the rain meant that even those wearing running jackets and waterproofs were shivering - noticeably on the short crossing to the beach opposite the appropriately named Ferry Boat Inn.

 

Hashers began to fan out in all directions before Polyfella herded them towards the Ness car park.

At the lower entrance to the car park, our first check. Beeflicker and Man-Pig ran up and onto the Ness but found no marks. On returning to the check, we found that the rest of the pack had been told to follow us! U-turn and start looking for marks again.

 

Apparently, the trail had originally been laid on Sunday. 

 

Accordingly, many of the marks had been washed out. However, heroic efforts by Polyfella in, effectively, laying a live trail kept us all on trail......well, most of us (see later).

 

We followed the Southwest Coastpath and passed a number of strange marks "PL" (not LP Forrest - these are black discs from the dark ages that used to be spun round on a mechanical device called a gramophone). At the Circle, Forrest had explained that there would be plenty of LP's....Pirate Lookouts (PL's, surely?).

 

As promised, we passed two LP/PL's before coming to the Walkers'/Longs' and Shorts' split. The Walkers headed up to the grog stop in Shaldon Botanical Gardens whilst the Longs and Shorts carried on along the SW Coastpath skirting the edge of Shaldon Golf Club (no golfers to do battle with this year.....too wet). 

 

Somehow, I was at the back of the Shorts with U-Bend. At the southwest corner of the golf course, we arrived at the Long/Short split and a new wooden sign for the Southwest coast path.

U-bend followed the Shorts and I knew what was forthcoming for the Longs. The Long uphill climb aka the 'Eiger Sanction'.

 

In the distance, I could see Beefy and his plank. He had stopped to take photographs. Just ahead of him were Woodlend and girlfriend. I was probably only 250 yards behind but also 300 feet lower....ooooo errrrr. 

 

Almost inevitably, I was destined not to catch up with Beefy and the FRB's. At the top of the long climb, the mist had rolled in. The trail now had us on the main road for a short while, passing the entrance to the posh house on the coast path, before diverting back onto the public footpath. BUT, be careful here. 

 

The wettest winter on record had ploughed an 8 inch deep furrow along the upper reaches of the footpath. This is due to surface water run off from the road and pavement. I''ve never seen this part of the footpath like this before. Potentially quite dangerous.

 

A freshly laid arrow had us on the upper footpath. No-one in sight now but I did hear the occasional call of "On-On" somewhere in the distance....or was it Beeflicker calling "Are you?" Another fresh arrow and we were over a steel gate across the main road and climbing Commons Lane towards the Fuzzy Dee trig point. 

 

The remnants of a check but no diversion down to Stokeinteignhead as we continued to climb towards the top of Pickett Head Hill. Here I caught up with Woodland and girlfriend. This was only because the girlfriend's dog appeared insistent on doing the trail backwards at this point. 

 

The marks took us all the way down to the main road again and across and into the botanical gardens. Here Coldtits was manning (womanning?) a lovely grog and sweetie stop.

 

"Are you the last?" Coldtits asked.

"Yes"....but we were wrong. Whilst Woodlend and girlfriend pushed on, I sneaked in a second grog. Just as well I did as Coldtits was packing up. But then a sole Hasher appeared. It was Beeflicker.

"Where have you been?"

 

A long way off trail as it transpired. Beeflicker had been FRB'ing so fast that he had failed to benefit from the newly laid marks by Polyfella. Although the trail had turned inland and crossed the main road before Labrador Bay car park, Beeflicker had pushed on along the lower footpath in a quest for marks above Smugglers' Cove and then below Labrador Bay car park. Alas, no marks as that was not part of tonight's trail.

 

Re-energised with a sugar rush, Beeflicker and I followed the marks home. Along the beach to Shaldon Bridge and then the public footpath behind Teignmouth Rugby Club and the Orangery, over the railway and back to the car park, catching up with Slip-on-Me, Forrest-Stump and Squeaky Bum in the process.

Distance? I have no idea. I forgot to switch on the Garmin.

 

Down-Downs

Back at the Devon Arms, the pub/Hares had arranged for a local shanty duet, Piratefather and Mermaid daughter C.A.S.K. , to add to the pirate fun by entertaining us with a rendition of their sea shanties throughout the evening. 

 

Coldtits organised an interlude to allow the Down-Downs to take place. 

 

Forrest did not want to mark his own homework as he was both co-Hare and RA. As a result, reserve RA/GM U-Bend was press-ganged into conducting the Down-Downs as another duet. This time with Man-Pig.

 

"Are there any Awards from last week?"

 

Of course not. We didn't have any Down-Downs last week. But Woodcock does have the Hashshit shirt from a fortnight ago. Fortunately, grandma Georgie has not washed it. 

 

With a little assistance from Piltdown Man, there is a story about an overloaded ferry. So overloaded that the plimsoll line was rendered invisible. Well, invisible until he got off. Who had overloaded the ferry? Manopause Magnifico. A note for "Slimmer of the year".

 

Wetfart has the titty apron (missing a functioning tit). Because of the dodgy right tit Wetfart thinks it appropriate that the apron should go to a Hasher/pirate that was also missing something.

 

Lost property? No. Forrest had done a proper job dressing up as a pirate complete with a patch over his eye, a hook and a genuine wooden leg. 

 

The father and daughter act from C.A.S.K. then joined in and said that they could remedy Forrest's missing parts. From their bag of sea shanty props, they produced a severed leg, a severed hand and an eye. You really couldn't have made this up. The duet theme continued. But this time with Forrest and Man-Pig.

 

M-P: "How did you lose your leg?"

FS: "Arrrrr! That be a shark".

M-P: "How did you lose your hand?"

FS: "Arrrrrr! That be a crocodile".

M-P: "How did you lose your eye?"

FS: "Arrrrrr! That be when a seagull shat in my eye".

M-P: "That bad?"

FS: "ARRRRRR! That be the day after I had my hook fitted". B' boom!

 

A note for the bionic man and also a note note for the male half of C.A.S.K. for supplying enough spare parts to put Forrest back together again.

 

There are no awards left, or so we thought, but Squashed Balls has a story. 

 

This is about his time in the police force when pubs had to close at 11pm. It was widely known that many pubs and bars were staying open after hours although the drinking was confined to spirits. I can't remember the exact story, but the punchline was something like "shots up the front and poker in the rear" .....hmmmmmmm.

 

We had, wrongly, assumed that we had run out of awards so the final DD's go to our three pirate Hares, Coldtits, Forrest Stump and Polyfella, for a lovely trail, boat ride and grog stop....plus the post Hash entertainment courtesy of C.A S.K.

 

Squeaky Bum had been hiding the jesters hat in her bag but it is too late. All the Down-Downs have gone so that will be saved till next week.

 

However, the show is far from over. Coldtits has awards for best fancy dress. 

 

The hands down winner for the best dressed Hasher is Beefy. He gets the unfinished bottle of dark rum from the grog stop - not bad. It's still 3/4 full! The best dressed Harriet is Slip-on-Me. A bottle of red for her huge effort!

 

And then it is back to C.A.S.K. to play out the evening with a couple more sea shanties.

 

Our thanks to the pub for the Down-Downs and to C.A.S.K. for entertaining us.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Dartbridge Inn, Buckfast. Our Hares are Piltdown Man and Georgie Porgy. The Dartbridge Inn is on the right hand side of the Totnes to Buckfast road (driving from Totnes to Buckfast) immediately before you arrive at its junction with the A38.

 

On-On to next week. MP.

PIRATE HASH - ARR!

 

Run #2020 Monday 13th May 7:15 pm circle up from the Devon Arms, Northumberland Pl, Teignmouth TQ14 8DE with Coldtits, ably assisted by Polyfella and Forrest. 

 

It be that time of year again, so haul out yer pirate gear.

Be sure to pack a pistol in case of trouble, and ye'll be needin' a tot o' rum to lubricate the tonsils as there might be some singin' to be done.

Arrr, Jim lad, shoot that pesky parrot on Long John's shoulder while ye be at it.

HEROIC (STAND-IN) HARES & HIGH ANXIETY IN THE PUB

TVH3 The Words for 6th May 2024

 

The Bishop Lacy, Chudleigh

 

Run No. 2019

 

Sausage & Chips. That'll be £139!

 

HARES: Forrest-Stump & Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Warmfront, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Slip-on-Me, Hot Lips, Zoot, U-Bend, Satnav, AshHash visitors ABH & Meep Meep - welcome and, finally, long time no see returnee Flying Pig. Good to see you again!

 

Circle

Bank holidays are a rather hit and miss affair when it comes to turnout. This evening we had a mere 18. The number would have been even less had we not had two visitors from Ashburton Hash, ABH and his son Meep Meep together with long-time-absent returnee Flying Pig. Perhaps the last minute change of plan also contributed to a lower than usual turnout.

 

The original plan had been for the trail to be set at Bell Rock near the Thatched Tavern with a beach/cliff edge BBQ to celebrate Bluebird's birthday officially. Perhaps, too, the changeable weather put some of our regular attendees off.

 

That be as it may, the show goes on with our two stand-in Hares, Forrest-Stump and Man-Pig.

 

There was a brief announcement from Zoot and Hotlips to promote TVH3's upcoming 40th anniversary. This will take place at Teignmouth Rugby Club from 30th August to 1st September this year and fliers with more details of the weekend were available in the pub.

 

Smellie needs a Hare for 20th May and then we're OK up to July.

 

Over to the Hares. Forrest asks for a show of hands for food in the pub. There are only 3 takers. As for the trail, Forrest defers to Man-Pig who offers little information, merely that ".....the trail is a smidgen shorter than the 9 miler originally planned!"

 

Trail

The very early part of the trail had concerned Walkers querying how long it was. Neither Forrest nor myself had GPS on when setting the trail, so my best guess was about 3, perhaps 3.5 miles. U-Bend wanted to know how long the Shorts was. Again, The Pig could only hazard a best guess - about 5.5. 

 

These guesses were based on how long it had taken to lay the trail including checks. The trail laying had taken 4 hours to lay but a lot of time had been wasted trying to circumnavigate a public bridle way that appears to have been illegally blocked off by the farmer.

 

The trail laying had taken its toll of poor Forrest's knee so he wouldn't be running the trail. Instead, he would drive around those parts of the trail that had been laid on road to see if the marks, especially the Long/Short splits, were still clear. It was just as well he did. The 20 minute torrential downpour had washed out quite a few checks and the Long/Short splits.

 

Additionally, we do have a couple of Hash unfriendly farmers in the area and we suspect that they may have scrubbed out some of the marks.

 

Why do people do such things? It is just selfish ignorance. I am aware of marks being swept away by homeowners who are fearful that the marks may represent thieves, especially pet thieves, targeting their homes. I try not to lay marks outside property owners front doors or driveways and, on the very rare occasions when I have seen someone rubbing out a mark, a simple explanation of what it is for usually alleviates any anxiety and the property owner wishes us well on our run.

 

But there are always going to be a handful of others who know exactly what the marks are for and rub them out anyway. These are simply selfish people adopting a NIMBY'ist approach. I am a great believer in karma. What goes around comes around.....may all your tractors break down simultaneously!

 

Back to the trail. A Walkers' trail of potentially over 3 miles was too long for some so Zoot, Hotlips and Satnav were content to do their own thing. I didn't see Shitfaced at all after the Circle so perhaps he had other commitments. 

 

Beefy, Warmfront and Beeflicker are quick FRB's and this is very much home turf for Warmfront. Our visitors from AshHash are pretty quick too so I would not be surprised if they did all the Longs but I didn't get to see them after the trail to find out.

 

In the absence of Forrest on trail, I found myself chaperoning the Walkers (Georgie Porgie, Piltdown Man & U-Bend) up to the Walkers' split. That was after having rounded up Smellie who had overshot the first check. In fairness, the 6.45pm downpour had pretty much obliterated the check.

 

Up until the Walkers' split, the trail had taken us through Chudleigh and down to the sewerage works. We now tracked upstream through woods up to the W/L&S split. Smellie and I bade farewell to the Walkers and dropped down to the blocked public bridleway. Well, blocked to horses anyway. A council sign on a steel gate described the track in front of us as a public bridleway. 

 

However, a large boulder placed behind the gate would have prevented it from being opened wide enough to allow a horse through. Smellie and I were ankle deep in shiggy as we followed the bridleway almost up to its intersection with a newish concrete road. The final 20 yards was overgrown and impenetrable. The trail now dropped onto a tiny animal track on the banks of the Teign for about 80m before clambering up into pasture.

 

It was impossible to continue upstream any further without actually being in the Teign....Man-Pig had tried that earlier when laying the trail. There was nothing else for it but to lay the trail across what I am sure would be classed as private land.....but what had happened to the right of way conferred by the bridle track?

 

Over a padlocked steel gate we had to go and then an amble down the concrete driveway to its exit. Perplexingly, at the entrance to the driveway there is a (non Council) sign stating "Slow down. Children playing". This suggested that the concrete driveway is the bridle path but it sure as hell doesn't link up with the bridle track marked on the OS map.

 

Back on a public road, we arrived at the first of the two Long/Short splits. We had spent the afternoon laying the trail in sawdust. Now I could see that the split had been remarked, very recently, in flour. This was obviously Forrest at work....despite his very sore knee. Well done Forrest. But why had it been necessary to remark it in total? Sabotage or the 6.45pm downpour?

 

Smellie was tempted to do the first Short but she would be on her own and it does cross two fields diagonally. At this point, it is a long way out to get off trail. The Pig convinced Smellie to stay with him till the next Long/Short split. From there the Shorts would be a simple trail back to the car park; all on road and mostly downhill.

 

The trail now took us up to the bottom of Farley Hill. There was no sign of the original check and I think that this was where Beefy had gone wrong in clocking up 8+ miles. 

 

The trail went up the noxiously steep Farley Hill. However, Beefy had gone left and found three marks in sawdust. Although the last mark was a distinct line of sawdust, not a blob. What Beefy had, in fact, found was the last remnants of a cross marking the end of a false trail. Thinking that he was on trail, he ran uphill almost into Trusham before turning back. If only he'd carried on he would have rejoined the Longs' trail in Trusham.

 

Almost where Farley Hill levels off, we arrived at the second and final Long/Short split. Brief directions were imparted to Smellie as the Pig embarked to sweep the Long. The sweeper would be at least half an hour behind the FRB's but there was always the possibility of a faller (we did have a suspected broken ankle on Saturday's A2B) or that the FRB's had got dreadfully off trail. 

 

Unsurprisingly, the sweeper did not come across any stragglers or lost souls as he continued his lonely, but beautiful, jaunt. Initially, it was down the infamous ravine and up the other side and into Trusham. Amazingly, a couple of the original checks were relatively intact and kicked out in the right direction.

"The Longs have made it to here OK", thinks the Hare.

 

The trail then went up Church Road and then left down a public footpath and another check. Thence uphill, through a stile and into woods. This is a path that we have done many times before. However, this evening the proliferation of wild garlic and bluebells made the trail especially beautiful. It really didn't make a whit of difference if you were on your own or not. 

 

I could see very distinct small trainer prints on the muddy track. Evidence that Warmfront had come this way. The couple of checks that had been put in the woods had been completely obliterated by the early evening downpour. I really was expecting that the woodland canopy would have protected them. Alas, not to be.

 

The trail exits the wood and into open pasture at the bottom of a wide valley - currently occupied by two horses (no deer this evening). The marks take us over Bramble Brooke and a fenced footpath to Bramble Bridge. There was no sign of the arrow at Bramble Bridge or the check at the first road junction. Oh well. 

 

The trail now climbed steeply through Higher Ranscombe to join up with the Shorts at the top of Farley Hill. It was gone 9pm but the marks had been relaid and it was still relatively light - certainly no torch was needed. 

 

A final canter of just over a mile, past Rivendell, over the A38 and back to the car park. A highly dubious and aged Garmin recorded 5.34 miles. Rowlocks...at least 6.5 would be my guess.

 

Down-Downs

After a quick change, I eventually arrived in the Bishop Lacy just after 9.30 to a round of applause. The numbers in the pub had shrunk to 12: Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Satnav, Slip-on-Me, Beeflicker,

 

Squeaky Bum, Flying Pig, Beefy, Smellie, Man-Pig, Piltdown Man and Georgy Porgy - the latter two glued to the snooker on a smartphone. 

 

As the numbers were so low, we elected not to have Down-Downs. This was probably just as well as an unfortunate incident was about to unfold.

 

Forrest had planned the trail and organised the On-Down, including food as the pub's kitchen does not usually open on a Monday. 

 

As a matter of courtesy, Forrest had telephoned the pub twice to advise them of expected numbers (of drinkers) and to give them an idea of how many would be eating. The number of eaters would be confirmed at the circle and the pub advised of exact numbers at around 7.30pm on the Monday evening.

This was done as Satnav had been into the pub at the start of the trail and advised them that there would only be three for food. All fine and dandy, or so we thought. 

 

For some reason, there had obviously been some miscommunication between the bar staff and the chef. The lady behind the bar advised that the chef had prepared sausage and chips for 20! 

 

There was a bill of £139 outstanding!

 

Not unsurprisingly, Forrest wanted to have a word with the chef.

 

The chef was summoned and only the calm intervention of Satnav prevented a drama turning into a crisis. 

 

The softly spoken Satnav gently persuaded both parties that there had been a simple communication breakdown and, as a result, the bill was not pursued. 

 

Additionally, and it has to be said, I could not smell 20 portions of cooked sausage and chips wafting into the bar. 

 

For those three that did order sausage and chips, they had to wait for their food - so it had evidentlly not been prepared earlier and kept warm for immediate serving. 

 

At worst, the pub might have ordered in sausage and chips for twenty but they would, surely, be able to use this for meals later in the week.

 

A big thank you to Satnav for her negotiation skills. I think there is a calling for you in Qatar or Egypt at the moment. 

 

Also another big thankyou to Forrest for stepping in, planning, laying and relaying the trail. Bluebird has already thanked us for acting as stand-in Hares and we hope and pray that Bluebird's Mum's health has improved a little over the last week.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Devon Arms, Teignmouth. Our Hare is Coldtits assisted by Polyfella and Forrest-Stump. 

 

Fancy dress in encouraged as this is pirate week Teignmouth.....ARRRRRRRRH!!

 

On-On to next week. MP

WIND, RAIN, OUT OF TUNAS & CHEWING GUM FUNGUS

TVH3 The Words for 29th April 2024

The Union Inn, Plainmoor, Torquay

 

Run No. 2018

 

Apparently not Bluebird's birthday run

 

HARES: Bluebird & Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Bluebird, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Beefy, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Big End, Well Hopped, Rodger the Dodger, Miss Inn, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Shay, Warmfront, Psycho, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Fukarewe, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Archangel, Only Here for the Beer, Wet Johnny, Wetfart, Piddler, Squashed balls, Twin Buffers, Threesum, Pollyfella, Base Camp, and returnees Satnav and Smash (not Grab!).

 

Circle

A rather dishevelled Hare arrives five minutes late at the Circle. Is the co-hare here? No. He must be at home looking after Mum.

 

A goodly number have turned up for the run...or is it out of curiosity to try out the new pub? There are no announcements from Shitfaced. Once Smellie has returned from powdering her nose, she announces that Hares are required from late May onwards.

 

So it is over to the Hares, or Hare as it turns out.

 

Man-Pig explains that the trail is laid in both pink chalk and in flour. Essentially the first half of the trail will be predominantly in chalk when on tarmac. The latter part of the trail is mainly off road and is laid in flour. There is a single Long/Short split and there is also a Walkers' trail. For the Walkers, when you come to the Walkers/Long & Short split, they will be following an unmarked, line-of-sight trail back towards the floodlights of The Seagulls.

 

The Pig takes a short pause from his description of the trail. Beefy is gesticulating. In fact he is pointing at a new pair of trainers being sported by Shay. 

 

In traditional Hash fashion, the new trainers are given a liberal dusting of flour....far too liberal, in fact. The Pig turns round to continue his brief of the trail. Whatamistakatomaka. The next thing is that there is a huge amount of flour being stuffed down the back of the Pig's shirt. Oh well, he was rather asking for it!

 

Trail

The Pig did not explain that the first part of the trail would be laid in checks at almost every road intersection. He also failed to mention that there were no false trails marked in the early part of the trail. Hence, the trail is, effectively, one-and-on. Nevertheless, this did seem to keep the pack together and no-one got off trail - well, at least up until Babbacombe Downs.

 

The trail took us up St Paul's Road and past Torquay United's ground. It then continued pretty much in a straight line along a south easterly bearing; we ran along St Paul's Crescent - check, Westlands - check, Windsor Road - two checks and a back check. 

 

The pack soon picked up the trail down a small wooded footpath opposite the end of Quinta Road This looped around a wooded area that was virgin territory for all of us - despite the Bird having assured me that we'd done it over 20 years ago.

 

The loop took us up, round and back onto the top of Windsor Road and the Walkers/Long & Shorts split.

 

The Walkers would have an easy trot back to the pub as they'd be backtracking on the outbound trail whence they came. However, this assumed that they would walk straight through the back check.

For the Longs and the Shorts, the virgin territory continued as they now found themselves on a long, long footpath that ran behind a bank of houses on Lydwell Road. This path ended at Perrinvale Road. The trail then ran southeast along Babbacombe Road for about 50 yards before crossing to the Downs side of the main road and the solitary Long/Short split.

 

The Shorts went straight onto Walls Hill....and promptly got lost. It was daylight and the trail simply followed the edge of the Downs along the Southwest Coast path down to the Carey Arms. 

 

However, it had been jolly windy all day. A lot of the marks had simply blown away in the wind. 

 

Nonetheless, everyone got back on trail and it did allow the Shorts and the Longs to reunite on the Downs and take in the couple of View Points for which the marks remained relatively intact.

 

The Longs were blessed with a simple loop down Ansteys Cove Road and then back onto walls Hill via the Southwest Coast path but, this time, on a northwesterly bearing.

 

The sweeping hare caught up with Coldtits who was, unintentionally, tail ending the Longs. We didn't find any lost souls and continued a leisurely trail past the Carey Arms, along to Oddicombe Beech passing a couple of kicked out checks and another viewpoint. This time at a waterfall which Beefy photographed. 

 

It was then a clamber up the footpath parallel to the Cliff Railway and up to Babacombe Downs Road. Arrows took us right and along Babbacombe Downs Road, across Babbacombe Road, then along York Road and York Crescent and a short footpath to Palermo Road. The dots lead us into and out of Carey Park and thence the "OH" mark at the junction of Carey park Avenue and St Marychurch Road. It was 8.50. Good timing.

 

Down-Downs

Back in the Union Inn, the pub did us proud. It does not usually do food but the landlord Dave had put on a decent spread of sarnies and nibbles. We were made to feel very welcome on our first visit. thankyou.

 

Forrest-Stump assumed RA'ing duties to the accompaniment of the Out of Tunas. There is some discussion as to who was the Hare with the Pig and the Bird pointing at each other like a pair of tell-tale-tit primary schoolboys.....which probably accurately reflects their combined mental ages. 

 

Forrest has a choice of Dumb or Dumber to which to award a half pint of Courage Ale. Bluebird is confirmed as being dumber than Man-Pig and so gets to have a Down-Down.

 

Next we have Smellie who has remembered to bring along the tittie apron.....complete with punctured/deformed boob. this she awards to Wetfart for parking misdemeanours. You didn't park in Lidl's car park did you?

 

Last week's hare, Beefy, has the Union Jack stove pipe hat. This he awards to one half of the Topiary Twins, Warmfront. This is for insisting that she, and her FRB'ing co-conspirator, get photographed in front of the Babbacombe Cliff Railway winding house.....but why?

 

Fukarewe has also remembered to bring his award to the pub; the Hashshit shirt. Unfortunately, Fukarewe has to leave the pub early so he leaves the Hashshit shirt in the safe hands of Piltown.

This is awarded to Shay for numerous Hash crimes. Namely: running with SH4 and stating that South Hams Hash is better than Teign Valley (WHAT?!). Additionally, flour abuse of the RA. This is quickly followed by a naming. He wants to become a carpenter so various shouts from the floor including: Woodworm, Hardwood and Squashed Ball's contribution - Woodcock.

 

"The Woodcock has it. The Woodcock has it".

 

A rather reluctant Shay is duly anointed by the RA under the powers conferred to him by the Great Hash God.

 

"From this moment hence thou shalt be known as Woodcock".

 

Finally, a quick thank you to the Hash for paying for the Down-Downs and then another rendition from the Out of Tunas.

 

The pub had looked after us well so we all thanked the Landlord and Landlady as we left in dribs and drabs. Another Monday concluded but what will next week have in store?

 

Last word from the Bird

I really wasn't sure about this one. Somehow the Hare Raiser managed to manouevre us into this double booking as I couldn't decide on the date for my Birthday Hash - mid-week as it was.

 

The main problem was my commitments at home, I had a horrible feeling that the time was nigh.

Dear Man-Pig was on emergency standby (yet again) but I was most concerned that he would be by himself for the trail lays.

 

There was a slim two hour window for me to get out and we met up at 2 pm outside the Union. Up to then, it was dry and I had grandly declared that chalk would definitely be fine for the tarmac. Sigh.

 

All was going well until I emerged on Walls Hill laying the short whilst MP was laying the long down by Ansteys. The wind really picked up and horror of horrors, it began to rain - oh have mercy, Sir Percy. Unfortunately, at this point, a stern voice was heard from above: 'Come in, Bluebird, your time is up...'

 

After a fuel transfer (flour you fools), I bade the valiant Man-Pig a tearful goodbye as he disappeared in the wind and rain down to Babbacombe beach while I scampered back to the Union across the downs.

All chores completed, I was set fair to depart when both of my tomcats escaped through the catflap - oh bu**er! I spent nearly half an hour trying to get them back in but in the end had to give up.

 

By the time I got to the Union, the hash had gone so I adjourned to the bar just as the massed ranks of the Out of Tunas arrived to wish me down the well on Part one of my Birthday trilogy.

 

Old and senile that I am, I barely recall the following two hours. I had a wonderful time with all my dear friends of the hash and the Tunas on this, my last Big Birthday hash (Part one!)

 

Thank you. Man-Pig and the Out of Tunas.

 

Birdscript

By the way, did any of you spot the strange white fungus on a tree just after entering the first wood section? Man-Pig and I were intrigued. As I reached out and touched it, MP exclaimed: 'It's chewing gum!' Scores of spent gum pressed into the tree over many months. Whatamistakatomaka and, oh yuk!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Maidencombe car park - just past the Thatched Tavern. Regrettably, and for the first time in over 60 years, the Thatched Tavern is not opening on a bank Holiday Monday. Accordingly, our Hare, Bluebird (it's his real birthday Hash trail) may be arranging a BBQ at Bell (End) Rock (or perhaps on Maidencombe beach). This is about 400 yards along the Southwest Coast Path towards Torquay. The trail will be marked. It will be a BYOB & BYO scoff! What can possible go wrong.....apart from the weather?

 

On-On to next week. MP