A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

Saturday 9 November 2024

HIGHWEEK INN

 Run #2049 Monday 11th November 7:15 pm Circle up from the Highweek Inn, Highweek, Newton Abbot TQ12 1QA with Poacher and Able Semen. Land Ho! hash are also there but apparently there are separate trails.


 

"Forrest's Famous Fireworks & Roadkill Stew Hash"

 

TVH3 The Words for 4th November 2024
Tinkley Bottom
Run No. 2048
HARES: Forrest-Stump & Man-Pig
 
 
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Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Poacher, Ernie, Ted, Coldtits, Satnav, Ablesemen, Smash, Miss Mash, Psycho, Warmfront, Soapy, Melonpicker, Palmolive, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Roger-the-Dodger, Arkangel, Wet-Johnny, Wide Receiver, Threesum, Base Camp, Woodlend's friend (sorry - forgot your name), Only Here for the Beer, Judge-Mental, Dog End and returnees Flying Pig, Trucker and Pocket Rocket
 
Circle
"Welcome to the the Teign Valley Strip - a smoke free zone" (for the time being).
Shitfaced continued the welcome by welcoming back Pisswell who had just returned from a diplomatic mission to the White-House. Her goal? To secure permission to use the TVH3 stockpile of fireworks outside the borders of the Teign Valley. Joe Biden thanked Pisswell Putin for visiting and her reassurance that TVH3 had a special place for Kamala in the Teign Valley. In fact so good that she'd brought Kamala back with her!
 
Threesum notified the Hash that this year's Christmas Party would be held at Teignmouth Rugby Club on Saturday 7th December. The cost of £15/head would be subsidised by the Hash. Accordingly, those who pay an annual membership get the reduced price at £5/head and those who pay weekly subs would pay £10/head.
 
Piltdown Man promoted the upcoming TVH3 beer and curry night. This will take place in Newton Abbot on Friday 22 November and take in the Cider Bar, Weatherspoons and probably end up in the Eastern Eye.
 
Ablesemen reminded us that next week's Hash is from the Higweek Inn, Newton Abbot. Importantly, if you want food (baked potato & chilli con carne or ham, egg & chips - both at £8/head) she will need to know by Wednesday 6th November. Kindly advise your orders via the FB page.
Eventually it is over to the Hares.
 
Forrest has laid the Walkers' trail which is exactly 1 mile as we need to get everyone back quickly for the roadkill stew and fireworks.
 
Man-Pig has laid the Shorts' and the Long's trails which are "not long". The only thing to be aware of are back-checks, "Go back to the last mark and pick up the trail from there. The last part of the trail will be coming back on the outward trail. Do not go round again!"
 
Trail
Following the establishment of independent parliaments in both Wales and Scotland, the Teign Valley Strip is fighting for devolulion from the tyrannical machinations emanating from London as a result of last week's budget. 
 
To this end, the valley has created the TVH3 LDV. Our very Home Guard and tonight was to be our first training run in preparation for the BFT. Thirty four volunteers assembled to learn the arts of night time vision, orienteering and observation with a little bit of fitness thrown in for good measure.
But, before embarking on the nighttime operation, a quick inspection of the volunteers was required. This was taken by the QM, Sergeant Piltdown-Fraser. He reported back that he could not detect any North Koreans amongst the volunteers and that all of Corporal Forrest-Jones cats and dogs had been accounted for. Excellent.
 
The route march was fairly straight forward. The Walkers, under the command of Corporal Forrest-Jones would follow the river to the first bridge. Then, about-turn, and return via the woods. A simple case of following the dots.
 
Those who had already passed their basic assessment would be on a slightly longer and hillier route. They would be under the command of Captain Pig-Waring. Initially, the route ascended Farley Hill, avoiding any booby traps laid by the Pooks. At the Long/Short split, the Shorts would descend down past Ruggedon Farm and take the footpath that runs parallel with the goyle down, and then up, to El Dorado (Trusham). A couple of checks were laid to challenge their sense of direction but, all being well, they should be back well within the hour.
 
The Longs continued along Farley Hill. Their challenge was to recall what a back-check was and what to do when they reached it. Nearly all found the back-check a mere 300 yards past the Long/Short split. An about turn and back to the last mark which, unsurprisingly, was the Long/Short split. All the Longs arrived back at the L/S split before the Shorts and continued their FRB-ing all the way back to Platoon HQ at Tinkley Bottom. 
 
Back at the L/S split ,one of the group had used their initiative to assist the back markers by placing three logs strategically across the road so as to form an arrow. Not only did the improvisation mark the direction of the trail, it also blocked the road from any Pooks pursuing by quad bike. Good work. This had all the hallmarks of the Topiary twins at work. They will be mentioned in dispatches....and in the Circle.
 
Down-Downs
Back at HQ the first order of service was to get some scran down you. The recruits had brought their plates, KSF and, most importantly, money. In fact, Forrest's road kill stew was so popular that Forrest didn't get to have any himself....it was that good.
 
Captain Main-Pig assumed his RA'ing role. The first thing we did was to thank Corporal Forrest-Jones for the venue; then for the roadkill stew, the beer and, best of all, for the enormous bonfire. It must have taken ages to build.
 
Captain Man-Waring then asked if anyone had an award from last week.
 
"What? No-one?" The only award present was the one sat on the good Captain's head. It was the Jester's Hat and it wasn't even his own award. It was Wetfart's from last week. An initial candidate was Wide-Receiver. Wide Receiver didn't want to get the tires wet on his vintage MGB Roadster so he parked on the tarmac outside Corporal Stump's residence. 
 
However, Wide-Receiver was missing. Apparently he'd been RTU'd immediately after the trail......for pretending it was a race. Serves him right.
 
The Topiary Twins were then invited into the Circle.
"Which one of you was responsible for the road block?"
"Neither", respond the twins. "It was Sapper Poacher".
"Where's Sapper Poacher?".
"Over by the bonfire sir. Preparing the ordnance".
"Get him here PDQ".
Now, owing to the nature of the evening's activities, we have been loaned Sapper Poacher from 9 SQN due to his expertise in pyrotechnics.
 
Sapper Poacher arrives whinging about primed detonators in proximity to a large fire.....nothing to worry about there I'm sure. There is some scurrying around behind the Field Kitchen in search of a pint mug. We have three very large half pint measures of beer pre-poured but Sapper Poacher only drinks cider. We have the cider but no receptacle. It is soon sorted and the cider disappears to the accompaniment of "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".
 
Eventually, a story is squeezed out of the pack. It involves Warmfront....again. I think she was a faller. Warmfront is driving and asks to nominate. Medic Godfrey-Psycho is nominated and is already a bit doddery on her feet. Another pint will finish her off. Corporal Stump-Jones saves the day by offering her a bed to lay.....erm....her head and the generous half pint disappears.
 
Private Shit-Sponge has a story.
 
"We have a retired Hasher in our midst from just across the water. In fact, a mere stone's throw away. Despite the distance, 40 yards as the crow flies, he has got a taxi here".
 
In fairness, the River Teign does lie as a natural protective border along one edge of our HQ. Nonetheless, if he'd been Jesus, he could have walked. So it is a note for, "Here's to Jesus he's so blue....." etc.
 
A backdated (in the mists of time) DD is awarded to Wet Johnny. His misdemeanour, being found naked at the side of the road.
 
When this story eventually unfolded, this event did actually take place. But not in this country and not this year. It was many years ago in Chile. Apparently, WJ had got blind drunk and was throwing up on the side of a road. Despite being blind drunk he had the presence of mind to make sure that he didn't mess himself if he followed through at both ends. His solution was to undress and carry on throwing up at the side of the road......delightful!
 
The final half pint has to go to our host, Corporal Forrest-Jones-Stump for, well, everything. Another fantastic firework Hash. Talking of which it is now time for Sapper Poacher to do his stuff.
 
The fireworks commence (no maroons this year). We have boxes where you light one corner and then wait for the pyrotechnics to go off in sequence. We have flares, roman candles, giant sparklers but I don't see any bangers, jumping jacks or Catherine wheels....I think they've been banned. The Catherine wheels always used to fall off their nails and then appeared to deliberately chase children around the garden. Then the finale - the rockets. Oh, the rockets. Big ones. Small ones. Whistlers, wailers and starbursts and then there were the Katoushkas!
 
Unbeknown to the TVH3 LDV, the valley's goal for independence was now a major concern for the new Labour Government. Could this be contagious, an explosion of devolution across the UK? At that very moment, a USAF AWACS was flying high above our heads. Their incredibly sophisticated thermal imaging had detected Poacer's missile launch site. Unfortunately, the AWACS was running some new Beta software. This identified the Standard Firework Whizzer's heat trail as the exhaust signature of a Katouska rocket. Additionally, its trajectory was towards Tel Aviv. Mossad intercepted and deciphered comms from the AWACS. Four F-15E's were scrambled from Hatzerim airbase to make a targeted precision strike on the Teign Valley; a round trip of 6,440 miles. Recently deployed KC-46A Pegasus were already in the air and provided the two refuellings required by each F-15E.
What a spectacular firework display.
 
When asked about the attack, Private Shit-Sponge (a retired opium farmer from the Teign Valley) said:
"We weren't expecting that! As long as the IDF don't hit any pubs, bars or licensed cafe's they can come again next year."
 
Another eye witness, Medic Psycho, said that she was so traumatised by the amount of beer she'd drunk that she missed the whole thing!
 
In the aftermath of the attack a source, who has asked not to be named, said:
"Death will come on swift win,gs to those who have defiled the Valley. Once we secure authorisation from the FO (Lieutenant Scroogesum) to expend Hash funds, we will be beetling down to Lidl for another box of fireworks". Although informed sources understand that authority to expend Hash Cash will only be granted after 5th November when the FO anticipates that they'll be on offer at half price.
Sir Kier Starmer addressed the House on Tuesday morning. He described the Teign Valley as a place of utter lawlessness.
 
"It is bandit country", he said. The prime minister went on to reiterate that Israel has the right to defend itself against the acts of November 4th.
 
A spokesman for the TVH3 LDV confirmed that one bonfire had been completely destroyed in the attack and that there had been a single casualty; one Guido Fawkes, a 454 year old catholic man from Westminster, London. Apparently he had been hiding on the top of the bonfire at the time of the attack.
Also missing was Private Coldtits who was last seen on Monday night, off trail, and heading in the direction of Chudleigh. In light of the attack, TVH3 LDV have advised that they will, in future, read the instructions on the side of the box before leaving it next to the bonfire!
 
Next week
Next week's Hash is from the Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot. Ablesemen is Hare. I think that this is a joint Hash with Haldon. 
 
On-On to next week. MP


Friday 1 November 2024

BONFIRE NIGHT IN TINKLEY BOTTOM

Run #2048 Monday 4th November 7:15 pm Circle up from Forrest's abode at Tinkley Bottom down in deepest Teign Valley for the Bonfire night extravaganza.Entertainment , food and ale aplenty, provided by thine host Forrest with the trail niceties left to the long-suffering Man-Pig.

IMPORTANT PLEASE NOTE
If you want food and beer, you must bring your own drinking vessel and eating implements Namely, beer mug, plate, knife, fork and a spoon for the gravy. Also, bring a firework or two if you have them. 
 

 

"Hallow'een Fancy Dress Run"

TVH3 The Words for 28th October 2024

The Brunswick Arms
 
Run No. 2047
 
HARES: Soapy, Melonpicker & Palmolive
 
Who wuz there: Soapy, Melonpicker, Palmolive, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beeflicker, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Wetfart, U-Bend, Strap-On, Ernie, Corey, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Satnav, Ablesemen, Smash, Psycho, Warmfront, Polyfella, Red Rum, Roger the Dodger, Ned & Nice Tackle visiting from South Hams H3
 
Circle
I was going to name this run Four Weddings and a .....er no, "Two Run Badges and A Naming". However, this might have been a distraction from the fantastic Halloween costumes and make-up adorned by almost all present. It was unseasonably balmy and this had an impact on some Hashers' body temperature as the run progressed. In fact, some were visibly misting up!
 
We had the usual smattering of witches and ghouls, Mr Hydes, skeletons, mad axe murderers (American Psycho apparently), polytunnels, ladies of the night and Slash from Guns & Roses. Some of the faceprint was remarkable. I am amazed that the make-up doesn't start running as one builds up a sweat but the faceprint looked as good in the pub as it had done in the Circle. Well done.
 
There were a few announcements. First was about the run in a fortnight's time. This would be Ablesemen's run and it is from the Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot. Able announced that Haldon Hash would also be running from the same venue. I do not know if there are separate trails or would we be sharing a common trail? I guess that we'll find out in a fortnight.
 
Man-Pig had received a telephone call from Forrest Stump regarding next week's bonfire Hash. Yes. It is going ahead and Forrest has already constructed a huge bonfire. Forrest will be providing roadkill stew and beer. However, Hashers are requested to bring along their own drinking vessel, KFS (knives, forks, spoons) and a plate each....if you want to eat and imbibe. Additionally, please bring along a firework or two.
 
Man-Pig also advised that he had spoken to Broken Man during the week. He is now contactable on Fallen Woman's mobile number. He has sold his large camper van and got a smaller one. He spent much of the summer travelling around France and Spain which he enjoyed very much. He is back in Brixham now. 
 
This week, being half term, he has his daughters and their families visiting him so he is going to be a busy grandpa. Nevertheless, he is planning on making a return to the Hash and I am sure that he'd be delighted to hear from any Hashers in the meantime.
 
So, what do the Hares have in store for us this evening?
 
Soapy briefs us that there is a single trail. No separate Long, Short or Walkers' trails per se. One trail but with 4 Long/Short splits. Walkers should do all the Shorts which will result in a distance of circa 2 miles. The last of the Longs is the Longest loop. Those embarking all 4 Longs will end up covering circa 4 miles. Mix and match your Long/Short splits to your preferred distance.
The pub is doing chips or cheesy chips and you can order after the run.
Soapy points to the western end of the car park; "On is that way".
 
TRAIL
We ran upstream and to the first Long/Short split. The Longs ran across a small footbridge over the river for a circular loop around Dawlish Water only to arrive back on the same footbridge....crafty. Soapy and Palmolive then had us back on the Short and on another loop around the edge of a park that took us onto Church Street and the second Long/Short split. 
 
The Longs proceeded north along Church Street and then left along Weech Road and a back check. We soon found a near concealed alleyway that took us to Vicarage Gardens and Stonelands Park Roads. Once again Soapy and Palmolive were ahead of us and directed back down the public footpath off Aller Hill and back to the second Long/Short split outside the church....again.
 
The Longs are reunited with the Shorts as we climb up Oak Hill and then divert into and out of a footpath that runs parallel with the road. A check, or is it the third Long/Short, split has us descending down John Nash Drive before entering Oaklands Wood. This seems familiar. Were we anywhere near the Smugglers Inn? If so, this used to be well trodden TVH3 territory but many, many moons ago.
 
Melonpicker keeps calling "On-On", guiding us to the sweetie stop or, for some, the sweaty stop.
 
Psycho has misted up and is flapping around big time in an attempt to create a draft to dispel some of the accumulated condensation. I don't recall American Psycho having this problem. Everyone else tucked into chewy eyeballs and chocolate pumpkins....very topical/tropical.
 
We were soon at the final, and longest, of the Long/Short splits. I traipsed behind Ernie and Corey as we followed a footpath along the southern edge of Oaklands Wood up to Oak Hill Cross Road. The trail stayed within the field and looped back to Soapy and Palmolive who pointed us down footpath onto Bunting Way. The FRB's overshot another alleyway that took us onto the Teignmouth Road before we ended up heading up John Nash Drive then right and into Nash Gardens before following a footpath running parallel with Teignmouth Road.
 
Across the road and we were on very recent and familiar territory; at least for those on the TVH3 40th anniversary weekend. The marks took us down the cliff footpath, past the bandstand and down towards Marine Parade before crossing ver the railway line and down to the underpass at the railway station. At this point Polyfella was leading the Longs. 
 
The Pig was cheating and remained on Marine Parade waving at Polyfella who was now on the other side of the tracks. Meanwhile, the Topiary Twins were catching up fast. Pysycho could be mistaken for a steam train the amount of water vapour that was escaping from her fancy dress.
Just before the pub we came across the OH sign. Shortly thereafter we encountered the Walkers and the Shorts who had already got changed and were heading beer wards.
 
A good old fashioned Hash. Not a lot to separate the Longs, Shorts and Walkers time wise. I'd say that was the sign of a well laid trail!
 
Down-Downs
What did we think of the trail? Excellent. Very old school keeping the pack together with twists and turns. A good mixture of town and country with some lovely night-time views of the Dawlish seafront on the descent down to Marine Drive. Well done Hares.
 
So, who has an award from previous weeks? There is only one. It is the Jester's hat and it currently resides with Horny....but not for long. Horny has two stories. The first is about on Harriet who has been cultivating mushrooms in her hot house whilst on trail. This refers to Psycho who does not wish to get blood all over her new business suit:
"Saville Row ma'am?"
"No. Jimmy Saville"
 
In order to avoid the inevitable blood stains and accompanying dry cleaning bill as a result of her axe murdering rampage she has decided to protect herself by wrapping herself in transparent polythene. Clever eh? Perhaps not so clever when you're a fast FRB. As the trail progressed so did the build up of condensation. At the sweetie stop Pyscho was trying hard to introduce some air vents into her polytunnel....without success. Never mind. At least you will have had some fresh mushrooms for this morning's breakfast.
 
Despite Psycho's faux pas she did not get a Down-Down. Instead we have a short sighted Hasher. Barton Lane car park is huge and relatively empty. Some parts of the car park are well lit, other parts not. This particular Hasher parks in the best lit part of the car park. These are the spaces for the only two charging points for electric cars. Does he have an electric car? No. But he does have a conscience and elects for a half pint of water accompanied by, "The grand old Duke of York....." didn't you Wetfart?
 
Warmfront, she of the matching Man-Pig skeleton (definitely go faster) suit is summoned forth for what I think was asking if there was parking outside the pub. This was after she'd parked up in Barton Lane car park which is 100m from the pub!
 
There is a Run Badge to award. It is 400 runs. Piltdown Man has insider knowledge and correctly "guesses" Satnav. We have the Songmeister with us and I think Satanav gets "Twenty toes".
 
Amazingly, there are no more stories but there is an item of lost property, a witches' hat. But which witch is which? In a Cinderellaesque piece of detective work the RA goes around the room searching out a head to match the hat from the dozen or so witches gathered. Eventually a perfect fit. It is the Hare - Soapy. She selects a beer and the Songmeister pipes up with the Aladdin's Lamp song.
 
As there were no more stories, the GM produces another run milestone badge. This time it is a 100 run badge. Initial guesses fall upon Roger the Dodger. No. Not him. It is, in fact, Ernie. Ernie elects for a glass of water and is treated to part two of the Aladding song. Something about paint brushes and the Sultan's favourite camel.
 
A naming. A naming. Ernie's grandson, Corey, has yet to be named. Suggestions are few but those that are suggested all centre around Benny Hill's single, "Ernie", and he drove that fastest milk cart in the West. We get suggestions of: Ten Ton Ted from Teckington, simply TED and Triple T. We settle on "Ten Ton Ted".
 
Corey kneels before the RA who anoints him in the name of the Great Hash God. Then, lo and behold, a real miracle. In the blink of the eye Ten Ton Ted's beer has changed into water.....an anti-miracle. The Songmeister comes up with, "Old McDonald had tourets..."
 
With so many drivers wanting a glass of water there is a half of cider looking for an owner. This is a bit like last week when there was a pair of socks and a tracksuit bottom left at the Cockhaven Arms which were also looking for their owner, weren't they Coldtit's?
 
Coldtits dispatches the last Down-Down and it is "On" to next week.
 
A great fancy dress turnout. Thankyou.
 
Next week
Next week's Hash is from the Forrest Stump residence, Tinkley Bottom in the Teign Valley. This is IMPORTANT. If you want food and beer you must bring your own drinking vessel and eating implements Namely, beer mug, plate, knife, fork and a spoon for the gravy. Also, bring a firework or two if you have them.
 
On-On to next week. MP

Saturday 26 October 2024

HALLOWEEN HASH

Run #2047 Monday 28th October HALLOWEEN HASH

Circle up 7:15 pm from Barton Hill car park EX7 9QQ with Soapy & Melonpicker.
The On Down is at the Brunswick Arms, 10 Brunswick Place, Dawlish EX7 9PB
Chips and cheesy chips for the peckish.
A FANCY DRESS extravaganza, so dig out the fright gear! 
 

 

THE LAUGHING GNOME & A DRINK STOP FROM HEAVEN

TVH3 The Words for 21st October 2024

Cockhaven Arms
 
Run No. 2046
 
HARES: Roger the Dodger aided by minions Big End and Well Hopped
 
Who wuz there: Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beefy, Beeflicker, Pocket Rocket, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Melon Picker, Soapy, Wetfart, U-Bend, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Ernie, Corey, Poacher, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Satnav, Ablesemen, Wet Johnny, Erection, Smash, Miss Mash, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio, Psycho, Wide Receiver and Justin & Dylan
 
Circle
Mild weather, a clear sky and the promise of a beer stop to rival that of last year's gnomaphonic affair attracted 35 Hashers and Harriets to the Cockhaven Arms. Despite its large car park, parking is always a bit a game. The key to winning it appears to be to arriving late. Wide Receiver pitches up just as a local is leaving and glides straight into the last available space. This is just after Psycho has to reverse backwards down and through the narrow car park entrance and park elsewhere........so elsewhere that when she returned after the run she couldn't find her car!
 
Announcements were fairly brief.
Threesum has raffle tickets for the Christmas Draw.
 
Smellie advises us that she has Hares up to the end of the year and, additionally, one for next year.....apparently the Bird is alive and fluttering somewhere and has made an early booking.
 
Soapy advises that next week's Hash is from Dawlish and that fancy dress is COMPULSORY.
Wetfart spoke with Teapot last week and advised that Teapot has, at least, found his sea legs. He has just returned from a cruise in the Azores. He continues to improve, albeit very slowly. Let's hope it keeps on going in that direction.
 
Finally, the Hare....or not. Roger the Dodger is out on trail setting up the drink stop. His Minions, Big End and Well Hopped, impart the following porkies/advice.
 
"Walkers about three and a half. Shorts about four and a half. Longs about five and a half. Left out of the car park".
Brief or what?
 
Trail
We turned left and ran up Cockhaven Road and an early Walkers split for the Longs and the Shorts. I think the Walkers went left and then up Bishops Avenue. The Longs and the Shorts continued up Cockhaven Road and then left up Shute Hill till its junction with Radway Hill and a check.
 
It was then up Radway Hill to The Bell where the pub's bright lights obviously disorientated U-Bend who took a tumble. Soapy and Pork Torpedo put Humpty together again.
 
Another check and now we were heading west along Manor Road and Teignview Road. At the bottom of a footpath, we arrived at the only Long/Short split. This was at the junction of Berry Hill and Teignview Roads. I think the Shorts trail took them down Berry Hill and back through Bishopsteignton.
For the Longs it was the inevitable UP. Up the footpath towards the golf club we wended. Somehow it seemed longer than I remember it. Through a metal gate and into a steep field. 
 
In front of me was Wide Receiver who, sensibly, was walking up this hill. Behind me was Big End sweeping the Longs. Past the reservoir, we hit tarmac and a check. Beefy had gone straight ahead. Psycho had gone right & wrong. Wide Receiver and Beeflicker had gone left and right. I followed. We were "On".
 
No golf course for us tonight. A long stretch of downhill allowed the pace to increase as we passed Radway Farm entrance to our left and cantered along what I think is Ashwell Lane. 
 
At Rowden Cross an arrow had us bear right. We were heading for the old Red Rock brewery....alas no beer stop. Surprisingly, I was keeping up with Wide Receiver and Beeflicker. We passed a peculiar road sign. It was the usual triangle warning sign, red edge white centre. What was not ordinary about it was the symbol at its centre. It looked to be a pair of juddering false teeth. Below this was another reflective sign. It read, "Incessant chatter next 3 miles!" Bloody council. It should have been placed a mile further back. Behind me were Beefy and Pyscho. They hadn't stopped yakking since the last check.
 
At the T-junction outside the back entrance to Lindridge Park was a check. I do not think that anyone was fooled. Beefy seized the opportunity to run ahead in order to snap some full frontals of the FRB's. Psycho was deposited with me. She did not break step. She did not break sentence. We ran down Humber Lane narrowly managing to skirt around the two large muddy puddles that are always here at this time of year. 
 
An arrow then had us sharp left and running down the rocky and muddy track southeast towards Colway Cross. "The sweetie stop" I thought, it would be at the same place as last year. Pete Tong!
Beeflicker and Psycho had a shoelace issue so I pushed on. Only Poacher and Beefy ahead. At the end of the muddy lane dismay. Beefy's torchlight had turned right. No sweetie stop at last year's pitch then!
Near Wolfsgrove an almost hidden public footpath sign took us left and past the side of a solitary house. This footpath led down a steep and usually treacherous slippery track. Just for good measure, there were also about four steps that surprised the unwary. 
 
As the slope began to ease, we arrived at a metal gate and the path now skirted the lower edge of a wood. More problems underfoot.....exposed roots. Eventually another gate and firmer footing heading downhill at the edge of a field. We hit tarmac but, just as we thought we were saved, it transpired it was poorly maintained tarmac on an unadopted road.
 
We now arrived at Forde Lane and a turn left up towards the centre of the village. Initially marks were on the left but then an arrow had us move to the right of the road, and for good reason. The marks led us down The Drive and past a small park/playing field to our right and then to the main Newton Road. We headed left. 
 
Flour had given way to large blue chalk arrows and then another odd sign; two S's but they were not side-by-side, they were one above the other. Wide Receiver arrived to declare to the befuddled (i.e. me) that this was the sweetie stop sign. But the stop was not here. It was across the Newton Road and down to the banks of the Teign passing a camping lamp, a large garden gnome and a trolley on the way.
 
The Walkers and the Shorts had had their sweetie stop and were walking towards us. Their head torches blinded the Longs who, wholly inadvertently, ran through the unseen swamp splattering the Walkers and the Shorts in their wake.
 
Over the railway footbridge and down the, uneven, steps. Whoa...behold! 
 
The drink stop from Heaven. 
 
On the table there was beer, lemonade, water, mulled wine and spiced rum. In the food hall, a small tent, there was a choice of savouries or sweets; crisps and Doritoes plus Murry Mints, wine gums and marshmallows. All illuminated with fairly lights. 
 
The river was calm, the sky clear and there was still 20 feet of flat beach exposed despite a rising tide. All-in-all, very tranquil. 
 
Well done RtD and his trusty bearded assistant, whose name I'm afraid, I've forgotten.
 
The Longs spent quite a time at the sweetie stop as Roger-the-Dodger was keen to have us consume everthing in sight. Psycho took it upon herself to liberate the entire table of drinks. However, she had it broadside-on and had difficulty getting it up the steps. Nevertheless, amazingly, nothing was spilled.
Eventually we ate and drank almost everything and it was time to make our way back to the Cockhaven Arms.
 
What a lovely drink-stop....the run wasn't too bad either!
 
Down-Downs
We commence the Down-Downs by thanking Rodger the Dodger for the beers. It also seems fitting that he should receive the first DD for such a fantastic drink-stop. We have the Songmeister with us and he commences with: S.H.I.😭.Y.T.R.A.I.L etc.....
 
"Are the any awards?"
Horny has the Hashshit shirt . She wastes no time in awarding this to the thoroughly deserving U-Bend for his early fall. Pork Torpedo adopts something apt.
 
Psycho has retuned from a 6 week absence with no excuses but with the Jester's Hat...or is it a boomerang? No sooner has Horny got rid of one award she accrues another. I think her misdemeanour was to direct Psycho out of the upper car park when there was one large empty space clearly available.
Oh dear. I rather feared what might come next. It is THAT SONG! The one that you don't sing to your sweetheart on 14th February if you plan on the relationship surviving into the 15th!
 
We have a badge to award.
"Guess the number".
Wide Receiver must have insider knowledge as he immediately, and correctly, guesses 50. But to whom? The Pig drops some unusuitable clues and Cheerio Beerio comes up to receive her 50th run badge and a half pint of water as we hadn't got her a WKD.
Pork Torpedo offers up 'She's a little flat-chested but she's all right' .... hmmmm, and then it is down to our last half of ale.
 
There are no more awards but Pocket Rocket has a story. It is about that swamp again, the one on the way to the sweetie-stop. This is a story about a discourteous Hasher; a Hasher who failed to warn Pocket Rocket about the swamp. A note for the discourteous Erection.
 
Next week
Next week's Hash is from the Brunswick Arms, Dawlish EX7 9PB. Our Hares are Soapy, Palmolive and Melonpicker for the annual Halloween Hash. 
 
Circle up at the car park just behind the public toilets further along Brunswick Place on the left. DO NOT FORGET YOUR FANCY DRESS!
 
On-On to next week. MP

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GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

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