TVH3 The Words for 8th April 2024
Two Mile Oak, Ipplepen
Run No. 2015 - AGPU
HARE: Piddler with kind assistance from Going Down
Who
wuz there: Piddler, Going Down, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot,
Cheerio Beerio, Darcy, Eve, Threesum, Base Camp, U-Bend, Forrest-Stump,
Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, Warmfront,
Psycho, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Strap-On, Strap
Dancer, Fukarewe, Melonpicker, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Ablesemen, Miss
Piggy, Only Here for the Beer & Two Little Shits.
Circle
Well,
what a difference a week makes! Numbers had swelled to 33, up from
last week's 10. Regrettably, the weather had not changed much - damp
and windy. Why had so many people turned up? I think we all believed,
mistakenly as it turns out, that this was Piddler's swansong trail.
Hence we all turned up to make sure that he would be departing for
Spain imminently. No such luck. His departure date is months away.
There
were vey few announcements. Shitfaced needed a show of hands for food -
sausage chips and beans. This would only cost you a mere £2 as the
balance was to be subsidised by the Hash.
Suddenly,
the (cheapskate, BB) pack became very hungry. Forrest Stump also
needed a show of hands for food at next week's Hash. We will be
returning to the Nobody Inn at Doddiscombeleigh for the first time in
about 20 years. I think the last time that we were there our Hares were
Mr Softy and Two Scoops....remember them? A fine pair [Shirley sic].
Smellie needs Hares from about mid May onwards.
Wetfart
was running late and didn't make the Circle. Hence there were no
updates on Teapot. Additionally, Broken Man wasn't present. I
understand that Kim and Sarah have been staying with him over Easter
and Broken Man is scheduled to be doing South Hams Hash on Wednesday.
So Broken Man is getting out and about which is good.
Over
to the Hare avec son velo. The first piece of information to be
imparted was that Haldon Hash was in the area. They have set their
trail around Kingskerswell. So, if you end up in the Lord Nelson you've
been following their marks. The TVH3 trail is laid in four and mouse
droppings as the mice had got into Piddler's bags of flour.
There
were the usual three trails. The Walkers would be about 1.6 miles
(Shirley some mistake). The Longs about 5.5 miles and, unsurprisingly,
the Shorts would be somewhere in between.
Trail
Left
out of the car park and immediately we found ourselves at the Longs'
and Shorts'/Walkers' split. The Walkers headed up past Toby's Sheds
towards Fermoys. The Longs and the Shorts headed towards Abbotskerswell.
As
per usual, the FRB's consisted of the Topiary Twins, Beeflicker and
Beefy. Also attempting to keep up were Man-Pig, Fukarewe, Well Hopped
and Smellie. In the early stages of the trail, we were being shepherded
by the Hare on his bicycle. There were plenty of checks. Almost all of
which Warmfront got wrong. This was good as it allowed the mid-pack
Long's to keep in contact all the way round.
The
first check had us turn left and down the public footpath that always
turns into a stream after the first 50 yards. Just as the stream
diverted off the public footpath, so did the trail. The trail now took
us on a different public footpath that led us across two waterlogged
fields.
The
first was full of sheep and lambs (this always reminds me of Easter)
so we walked this bit so as not to disturb them too much. The marks
were good as we entered the top of Abbotskerswell near Court Grange.
The
trail now took us down a footpath that exited almost opposite the
entrance to the Court Farm pub. A right and another right had us at a
check outside the regrettably closed, Butcher's Arms.
Yet again Warmfront and Psycho mischecked and allowed Fukarewe and Man-Pig to catch up.
The trail now took us right and up a bridle track. Somehow, the FRB's had missed a check half way along the path.
The
trail continued over a stile and along Devon's worse ankle breaker
footpath. This is a lovely trail bordered on both sides by small trees.
And therein lies the root of the problem; small, slippery roots crisscrossing the path.
Through
another stile, uphill and across two fields to meet the Hare at a
three-way junction. No help was imparted. Beeflicker checked downhill
and back towards Abbotskerswell. Pysycho went right and, for the only
time in the evening, Warmfront headed towards Whiddon Cross and found
that she was on trail.
At
Whiddon Cross there was another check....or was there? In fact there
was no check. It was simply the (only) Long/Short split.
Beefy
checked towards Dainton Golf course and this was the last that we saw
of him on trail. I rather suspect that he did a couple of miles before
bumping into Going Down who would have advised him that he'd just done
the Short.
The
trail now took us downhill and towards Maddacombe Cross and another
check. Once again, Beeflicker, Psycho and Warmfront were well ahead as
Man-Pig and Fukarewe saw them disappear into the distance.
And
disappear they did. Heaven knows where they all went but, turning
right towards Stoneycombe Quarry, Man-Pig and Fukarewe temporarily
found themselves FRB'ing. Inevitably, Warmfront sailed past and kept on
sailing past the Bickleigh Mill Inn where she ran into the Hare who
advised that she was off trail.
The
trail actually took us right and up along the footpath that runs along
the top edge of Stoneycombe Quarry. Our second period as FRB's was cut
short again as this time Pyscho and Beeflicker slid past....but only
to find a back check.
On
this occasion, a little insider knowledge proved useful. Ignoring the
back check, the Pig carried on knowing full well that both trails
would converge.
The
Pig was first onto the Downs....but not for long. There was some
confusion as Piddler had laid dots on every track across the down.
Again, insider knowledge had the Pig on the case and on trail. Again
not for long. Somehow, all the FRB's arrived at the water obstacle. A
broad length of track, in a shallow depression, was under 10 inches of
water (MP always carries a tape measure for such eventualities, BB).
There was no getting around it. It was also a bit whiffy....manure or
stagnant water? We didn't know and, by now, we didn't care.
On
the far side of the "lake" there were three dots in a row. The Hare
had told us that such marks meant, "keep going". We were now all wet
through and filthy. For some reason I don't recall Piddler, or his bike,
looking particularly dirty at the Circle. The Hare obviously hadn't
been through the "festering pond". He'd just left marks at either
end....the fiend.
In
Dainton, we came across a check at the bottom of some steps. This is
where a footpath leads along the edge of someone's beautiful garden. For
28 years, (MP also carries a pocket-sized gazetteer) there has been
nothing to separate the garden from the public footpath. Now, a newly
constructed timber fence affords the owners a little privacy...at least
from dirty, night-time, howling and demented Hashers.
We
traipsed across two fields, another check and then straight onto
Causeway Cross where Going Down was waiting to give instructions,
"Straight across".
The Topiary Twins and Beeflicker were, once again, FRB'ing but a couple more checks had them slowing down.
The second check had Beeflicker on trail being pursued by the Pig.
Meanwhile,
Warmfront was on her way to Dornafield Cross and Pyscho was on her way
to Ipplepen (the checks were working very well).
By
the time that we arrived into Fermoy's car park and the "OH" sign, the
normal running order had been resumed: Beeflicker, Psycho (who would
have been third if she hadn't SCB'd), Warmfront, Man-Pig and Fukarewe.
Unfortunately,
Fermoy's garden centre was closed. I'm sure that, had it been open,
the lure of topiary lessons would have distracted Warmfront and Pyscho
long enough to steal a lead.
The final canter back to the On-Down and the AGPU.
Well done Piddler. An excellent trail. Plenty of checks to keep us together. 5.24 miles on my elderly Garmin so more like 5.7
Down-Downs
The
original plan had been for the Hash to have the restaurant area for
the AGPU. However, I don't think that anyone had taken account of the
fact that it was the Easter holidays. Despite the washout weather, the
pub was pretty much full. There were both locals and visitors eating in
both the restaurant and the bar.
The
Hash crammed into the bar area and did their best to devour their
subsidised Hash scran from any level surface they could find.
Smellie,
Beefy, Pisswell and Forrest Stump were all a little late in getting
back off the trail but they arrived about the same time as the non-Hash
diners had just finished their meals and vacated the bar. Ideal timing
to dive into the Down-Downs.
Hotlips
has the Hashshit shirt. It appears that the Shorts was not as well
marked as the Longs. For judicious use of flour, Hotlips awards the
Hashshit shirt to Piddler. Piddler takes his time downing his half
accompanied by, "Hold it your hand Mrs Murphy".
Next
up is Forrest who has the Turd Hat. He tells the story of a well known
Harriet who was a tad cold in the Circle. So cold, in fact, that she
was overheard to say, "Blimey! It's cold. I wish I'd worn some
knickers!". The culpable party - Ablesemen; "Here's to going commando".
There
are no more Awards present. This is not strictly true as Man-Pig has
left an Award in his car. This could, in its own right, have illicited a
Down-Down but Forrest has a story.
As
is the wont of the Hash, the story is not necessarily true, it is
certainly inaccurate and it has been taken out of context but never
mind. Forrest engages the Hash with an improbable and inaccurate story
about a Hasher's alleged chat up line in the Circle.
"Hello.
Are you wearing any knickers and what time do you finish work?" So who
was our silver tongued lethario? Man-Pig - who else?
There
is one half pint remaining. Are there any other stories? Beeflicker
has one. This is the story of a Hasher and another chat up line. "I
have an extra two inches in the car. It will help you to get it up
properly next time".
Now,
to put it into context, this referred to the previous week. You may
recall that Slip-on-Me had a puncture but her car jack was just a
fraction too short to clear the rear wheel from the ground. The extra
two inches actually referred to two 1" thick squares of wood that a
fellow Hasher had thoughtfully brought to the Hash to give to
Slip-on-Me. So who was our good samaritan? Man-Pig....again.
Finally,
there is the solitary glass of water to give away. In recognition of
Smellie's marvellous solo lay from the previous week, and in the absence
of Down-Downs, Smellie gets the last drink....sorry, it's only water.
We concluded by thanking the pub for the beer and thanking the Hash for subbing the scoff.
Over to the AGPU.
AGPU 2024
Time was pushing on so this was going to be quick.
Shitfaced
banged his staff on the floor and ran though the various Hash
positions. Basically, all as per last year and the Hash seemed happy
enough with that i.e. no votes needed to be taken and no-one was
standing down (not strictly true), at least in total.
Pisswell
is coming up to retirement, and she is going to treat herself to a
lengthy bit of travelling over the next 12 months. Accordingly, a
stand-in volunteer is needed to collect subs from those who pay weekly.
Beeflicker has volunteered to fill in for the times when Pisswell is
away.
Unfortunately,
we also have a vacant position as an assistant RA. This is as a result
of the tragic loss of Fallen Woman. Strap-On has kindly "volunteered"
to fill the role.
Threesum
ran though the accounts. I think we are £400 up from where were were
last year i.e. with more that £2k in the bank. The Committee is
planning to arrange something for the end of August. This is to mark
TVH3's 40th birthday!
And that concluded the briefest of AGPU's. Thankyou for coming.
Next week
Next week's Hash is from the Nobody Inn, Doddiscombeleigh with Forrest-Stump Haring.
On-On to next week. MP