IPPLEPEN FOOTBALL CLUB

Run #2075 Monday 12th May Circle up 7:15 pm from Ipplepen Football Club, Moor Rd Playing Fields, Moor Rd, Ipplepen TQ12 5TT with Wet Johnny.

 

If you are approaching from Newton Abbot, take the turning right by the garage (on your left) off the A381.

 

Hash fare will be available for around £3 per person in the pot with veggie option.

Soapy will have a table display for the cake auction - bring cash! Soapy also asking for hashers to bring cakes along on Monday!

The Words for Hash #2074 or, "The Pig lays down on Plainmoor."

Anyway, the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging (who was there(!)) is as follows:

Manpig, Bluebird, Ernie, Pisswell, Big End, Well Hopped, Wet Johnny, Coldtits, Pollyfella, Georgie P'Orgy, Piltdown Man, Wet Fart, Melon Picker, Soapy, Bee Flicker, Smash, Miss Mash, Pocket Rocket, Red Rum, Beefy and, returnee, Flowery Twats. Carpet Crawlers (pub only) were Shitfaced, initially but disappeared, Bobbiball and Teapot.

 

At the Circle, Soapy reminded us that next week is a cake auction, in aid of SANDS charity so, bring cake and/ or cash to buy cake please.

 

Monday was one of Bluebird's birthdays so Manpig was Hare. Co- Hare Poacher's absence was owing to vehicle breakdown. Manpig explained that his Trail graced the edge of the Haldon Trail and had helped us distinguish his by dint of large, friendly, upper case letter "T"s. After all, we don't want to Trespass!

 

The starting gun is (figuratively) fired. So, as happy as fish and gorgeous as geese, twenty one went on Trail along the St. Marychurch Road towards St. Marychurch and Babbacombe (formerly two distinct villages).

 

We found ourselves in Cary Park, and ran through the park and along Cary Avenue whence we were called back by the Hare. Back we went to the missed split where the birthday Bird vouchsafed that the Trail is the reverse of last year's. "I care not!" quoth I, "for I recall little of last week's let alone last year's!"

 

The Watcher in Skies could give evidence if needed.

 

We headed for the Downs and on to the Cliff Railway. Down the adjacent steps we ran. Beefy ran past the right turn, under the rails, followed by Pollyfella and Bee Flicker but then we ran back to it after hearing "On" called.

 

The pack followed a path down to the beach. Can-utility and the Coastliners we were as we headed for Babbacombe beach, past the waterfall (his madrigal) and inshore sea (his symphony) and saw no Silent Sorrow in Empty Boats, only Horizons.

 

We bade "farewell", to Bluebird, at the Cary Arms, where he followed the walkers. The rest of us headed for Anstey's cove.

 

Up we climbed, following the Trail across Wall's Hill where Big End remarked on the Orchid (a flower?) population. Then down we dropped and were Riding the Scree in a Ravine when suddenly, we perceived what appeared to be a Sweetie Stop in the car park. And so it was, for Haldon Hash, anyway.

A pair of tables, on squeaky feet, stood at the back of an estate car with drinks and treats upon them and gaily festooned with lights. Where there is food there are wild things floating about, in the form of gulls so, the cakes were stored, temporarily, on the back seat of the car. And gulled by Pisswell's rhetoric, one of the S/S keepers handed over a crisp. An Aisle of Plenty awaited H4, for sure.

 

Meanwhile, TV front runners were searching everywhere for the Trail. Soapy was trying to show the way just as a marching column of H4 emerged from a woodland path which, the Hare confirmed now also, was On.

 

Sure enough, a series of "T"s showed us the way. So, through Asheldon Copse we ran, on to Babbacombe Road. Bee Flicker and I ran on until we found other marks. Pollyfella joined us and, between us, we worked out that we were seeing marks that bore little resemblance to those of the 'Pig. Luckily, Pollyfella remembered, from last year, where we should be.

 

Liquid Len and his smashed bottle men ran back and found themselves back On Trail.

 

Up through a narrow wooded area we were led, emerging at the junction of Quinta Road and Windsor Road, which we crossed to enter Warberry Copse. We rejoined Windsor Road which took us, more or less, straight back On Home via Spires secondary school and Plainmoor football ground.

 

At around five and a half miles covered, over some mixed and testing terrain, I feel we had our money's worth. And, we do like to be beside the seaside.

 

We'll done Manpig, you produced the goods again.

 

At the On Down, Supper's Ready for £3 in the pot, if we can find a pot. Pisswell was on duty as RA and awarded Supersonic Scientist, Manpig, a Down-down for his Trail.

 

Coldtits took water for straying onto the H4 Trail (don't tell: they'll charge her a quid!). Ernie did his best to give a Down-down to the RA with all sorts of accusations (which I don't recall now) but, Pisswell turned it into a returnee award. Wonderful potion for Flowery Twats and water for Teapot.

At the RA's request, Manpig (activating his prayer capsule) paid tribute to Bluebird, our Guaranteed Eternal Sanctuary Man, for reaching another Birthday and another Down-down.

 

Soapy was awarded the jester's hat for having her cleverness ignored. After The Ordeal of banter, laughter, (ahem) singing and other general rowdiness (which confused and amused some regulars), the Hash dispersed gradually.

 

Bluebird did as he promised: he sang. It was a Cinema Show of a performance and everyone was impressed, truly. Many Happy Returns of the Day, Bluebird. We miss you at the Hash and we hope to see you more often.

 

As you know, there is always a space with your name on it! On on.

 

Somehow, I volunteered to write the Words: More Fool Me. It was a slow process but, I thought: Get 'Em Out By Friday, it'll be all right.

 

On on, Beefy.

BIRTHDAY HASH OR NOT?

 

Run #2074 Monday 5th May from the Union Inn at Plainmoor 141 St Marychurch Rd, Torquay TQ1 3HW with my emergency men Man-Pig and Poacher. The pub is on the corner of a crossroads nearly opposite Lidl.

This was to be a repeat of last year's Bluebird Birthday Hash from the same venue which had the Out of Tunas providing shanty support. However, after I had a wobble - I successfully plead insanity - I cancelled but dear Man-Pig and Poacher decided to continue, with or without the Birthday Boy.

Monday closing is usually at 6 pm but Dave will be staying open especially for us and, hopefully, will have the usual sarnies available, money in the pot please.

I hope to be able to get back from Brixham Pirate Festival but it will be a close call and I might get stranded. If I don't make my cancelled/possibly resurrected Birthday Hash, give Man-Pig an extra DD on my behalf in absentia.

Parking is on road only, spaces should be available on a Monday.

The best of British with this one

TVH3 The words for 28th April 2025

Hash no 2073: from the Dartmoor Halfway Inn, Bickington.

Hares Poacher and Pisswell

Who woz there: Ernie brought a virgin ?grandaughter. Did she have a name? Sorry not sure if I caught it, but she bravely followed grandad where ever he went. ( more of that later). Wetfart, Beeflicker, Slip-on- me, Ablesemen, Soapy, Melon Picker, Palmolive, Red Rum, Manpig, Strap on, Mane Attraction, Smash, MisMash, Smellie, Warmfront, Big End, Wellhopped, Roger the Dodger, Piltdown man, Georgie Porgie, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Forrest-Stump, Archangel, Coldtits, Pocket Rocket, Poacher and Pisswell. 31, I think, with No Butt and Mouthful for on Down only. Nice to see you there and share your wineglass!

Circle: GM Pocket Rocket welcomed all to hash no 2073, although he never seems quite sure and nor is anyone else for that matter! Manpig reminded hashers that it would be good to share the workload and new hares and new writers for the words were always welcome. Smellie always happy to book up a date. After beating back the long line of men that then formed a queue, we re-circled! Soapy announced that there would be a cake for cash in a couple of weeks at Wet Johnnys trail. So bake/ bring some cakes and then buy someone else’s! All for Sands, which is a brilliant cause and in our thoughts at the moment.

Pisswell reminded of the Widecombe barndance: food, dancing and free overnight camping on Saturday 28th June, for just £20 with a possibility of breakfast bbq, (at extra cost) and a hash trail, (at no cost!) See events page, tickets going fast!

The trail: Poacher said a bit, Pisswell said a bit, nobody listened and we were off!

Meet Me Halfway. Lyrics by The Black Eyed Peas

Meet me Halfway

Poacher and Pisswell, the two hare P’s

Ooh, you can't be much more halfway than this

Ooh, Newton/ Ashburton, two hares biggest wish

Cool, we spent our time just think-in’, think-in’, think-in’, bout you

Every single route, what we’re really goinga, goinga do

And compromise we’ll have to, have to, have to, have to do

Meet hares, Half way! Let’s drink a, let’s drink a pint or two!!

We spent our time just drinking', thinkin', linkin' the trail.

Crossing the main road, no, we don’t want grizzly, grizzly tales!

And lots of steep and rivers you will, you will, you will sail

Hashers, what's up? Yo? How long?How short? What's up?

We’ll meet at the Halfway, right at the borderline?

That's where we’ll circle up for you

Options for the splits, come what May

Take your hearts to the limit, and the very best lay.

Ooh, ooh, can't you go any further than this?

Ooh, ooh, this must be the best, that’s our only wish

First, you travel cross the road and battle upwards through the trees

Check at the massive hill, and go up crawling on your knees!

We’ll show you where to go, just tell you where you wanna meet

Coombe Park is where you go, missing the main road is quite neat.

Cause hash we want, we, we want to have fun

Wade In the deep grass, grass, go to Bickington

Wanna have a good time, time, we’ll show the muddy way

We split you two-way, ways, this is split today

If you choose long/short split, right at the riverside?

That's where we’re gonna wait for you

We’ll be crossing streams on the way

Trainers dry? that’s the challenge, there is no real way!

Ooh, ooh, you can't go any deeper than this

Ooh, ooh, we want you alive, it's our only wish

Ooh, ooh, Can you go any further than this?

Ooh, ooh, got you in a muddle! Back checks were our wish

Under the bridge to the other side, you must know why

(You must know why)

Long/short split, forgot t’bit for you and I!

(For you and I)

I will try until I die

Past Yeo farm too, (for you and I)

Bridge, bridge, for you and I,

For, for, and hill to die

For, for you and I.

(Why oh why?)

Can you meet at Halfway?

Going meet at Halfway?

Hope you meet at Halfway?

Are you lost at Halfway?

Meet back halfway, right to the top of hill

That's where I'm going right for you

You”ll be lookin' left at the hall

Took your heart to the limit, don’t jump the style and fall!

Ooh, ooh, you can't go any faster than this

Ooh, ooh, It’s flat out down hill, I’d call it bliss

Ooh, ooh, you can't wish for much better than this

Ooh, ooh, all at the on-down , that’s our only wish.

Out takes:

Poacher saying on-on this way meant people went that way, funnily enough, and I never saw him again! So I apologise if you didn’t get the brilliant experience we had imagined! Poachers fault, a Springer Spaniels excitable personality!

However, the trusted steady Labrador Pisswell played in the river, found missing hashers, who never found the last long/ short split, because we forget to lay it, so excited by the back checks etc!

Anyway, I loved running back through the lush long grass in the fields, along with the death defying team, who recklessly abandoned the road for better things!

Down downs:

The hash was thanked for the beers.

GM Pocket Rocket excepted 2 water down downs, causing great concern for his trip home, in being over the limit (and that he might need to stop for a pee.)He was caught out for being barefoot in the river, which didn’t go well. He was unable to reach to put his trainers back on so Red Rum then offered to clean them and dumped one of his dry new trainers in the river! He then entertained us climbing a tree to cross the river and trying to keep the other one dry! His other misdemeanour was wearing sunglasses and a backpack!

He then awarded the Jester hat to Beefy after a long tail about the school bus being held up by a maniac cyclist, dodging death in front of them! Beefy said it was all a misunderstanding and the bus had been tail gating him! Manpig led, “Here’s to the psychotic cyclist, he’s so blue…”

The pub called time so Forrest had to secure his next half pint from the hash. The story went that on his hazardous journey home, he had climbed a gate and one of his balls had dropped! He should have sorted that out long ago!

And finally two half pints left, so the hares met halfway and shared their half pint, with the aid of a borrowed wine glass( sophistication huh?) Piltdown Man was awarded a slow down down for sending the ladies into a frenzie at the sight of his builders bum! ( and possibly some of the men, who knows?)

On on to next week with Poacher and Manpig at the Union Inn, Plainmoor.

Dartmoor Halfway Inn

 

Run #2073 Monday 28th April Circle up 7:15 pm from the Dartmoor Halfway Inn, Ashburton Rd, Bickington, Newton Abbot TQ12 6JW with Poacher and Pisswell.

TVH3 The Words for 21 April 2025

The Ship Inn, Chudleigh

Run No. 2072

Easter Bank Holiday Monday

HARES: Hotlips & Zoot

 

Who wuz there: Hotlips, Zoot, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Pisswell, Beefy, Poacher, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Coldtits, Melon Picker, Soapy, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Red Rum, Tit Babbler (Mane Attraction), Psycho, Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, U-Bend & Wetfart

 

Circle

Bank holidays. What is there about them? Our attendance on a bank holidays are usually a tale of feast or famine. Not so this evening - a respectable turn-out of 23.

 

Our GM welcomed all and announced that next week's trail would be from the Dartmoor Half Way Inn, near Bickington, on the Newton Abbot to Ashburton road.

 

No announcements from Smellie or anyone else save Soapy. She gave an announcement in respect of what many may have seen on PorkTorpedo's facebook page. Very regrettably, Pork Torpedo and Horny's granddaughter was born 'asleep' on 10 April. It is something that no parent or grandparent should ever go through and our thoughts are with them and the family. Pork Torpedo and Horny are not ones for lying down and doing nothing. Hence, throughout May, they will run 31 miles. This will be in support of the SANDS charity whose details can be found on Pork Torpedo's & Soapy's Facebook pages. We wish them every success with both the runs and the fund raising.

 

So, it is over to the Hares for a little information....and it was little. "There is a Walk of about 2 miles, a Shorts' of about 3 and the Longs' trail is 5. Turn right over there".

 

Trail

For seasoned Hashers what could possibly go wrong in such familiar territory? New housing estates. That's what!

 

The trail exited the car park via the public footpath up to the main road where we duly turned right and ran down Fore Street and past the Bishop Lacy to the first Shorts/Walkers & Longs' split. 

 

Well, that was confusing. The Walkers and the Longs on the same route? But it was, apparently, correct. The Shorts carried on down through the centre of Chudleigh whilst the Walkers & Longs detoured down Old Way and looped back round to the far end of Fore Street before arriving at the first Long/Short split. However, this simple loop was not without its issues.

 

The marks had been good so far. However, a longer than usual gap between marks had the FRB's returning whence they came believing they had missed a mark. 

 

Pisswell and the Pig checked around a new housing estate but to no avail. Then there was a call from back where the FRB's had just been. A little local knowledge had the Pig take a short cut that was not, in fact, a short cut. It was a loop around a field as he'd forgotten where this part of the public footpath actually went. The net result was that it was another 20 minutes before he saw another of the Longs. But all was not lost. Pisswell did find where the path actually went and, as a consequence thereof, managed to catch up with the Longs.

 

The Walkers headed back towards Chudleigh town centre whilst the Longs and the Shorts crossed the main road to follow the trail down a public footpath, past Lawell House and out onto a lane near Winstow Cottages. 

 

The trail now stayed on road whilst we tracked past the stone wall that forms the rear boundary to Ugbrook House. As soon as the woods to our left gave way to open fields, an arrow had us cross the road and commence a descent along the public footpath that drops down to the bottom of the valley.

In the far distance, I could see Smellie, Pisswell and Coldtits in their hi-vis. In the near distance I could see the Hares wondering where I'd been.

 

At the edge of Chudleigh, an arrow has us running back towards town before a kicked-out check has us bear right on a newish public footpath before arriving at the second Long/Short split that Coldtits had inadvertently missed. 

 

The Shorts crossed a new bridge over Kate Brook and headed for home. For the Longs, it was another loop. We followed the public footpath up to Kate Bridge and then the lane towards Brimley Corner but not before a minor detour on a 200 yard length of track that runs next to Kate Brook. Here I caught up with Red Rum and Smellie. Not far ahead was Pisswell. Inevitably, at Brimley Corner we come to a check that is kicked-out top our left.

 

It is not long before we are on the final leg back to Chudleigh. I have a lonely canter along the footpath that leads to the back of Chudleigh playing fields. These two fields are usually sodden ...even in the summer. Not so this evening. It is approaching twilight and this will be our first run without torches.....hoorah! At last, the OH sign, almost outside the Ship Inn. A tad over 5 miles.

 

Down-Downs

Pisswell is RA but might need some musical accompaniment from the Pig. Proceedings are delayed a little while whilst we wait for Coldtits who has embarked on the Long - good girl. Poacher is somewhat befuddled as it is usually Smellie who is last back. Not so this evening. In fact, she is the one on corralling duty, checking up on where missing Hashers have got to.

 

In next to no time we are all present and correct and the show gets on the road. Pisswell starts by thanking the pub for the beer.

 

The first two Down-Downs go to the Hares for a lovely trail....in daylight. The Pig is asked to lead us all in "Twenty Toes".

 

There is one award present and, unsurprisingly, Psycho has it. Unfortunately, she does not have a story so she simply awards it to our new RA. Why? Because she is RA. "Here's to the new RA...."

 

The final down down needs a story and Beeflicker has one. It is a story about a Harriet and the lengths that she will go to to get a young man's attention. This involves training a dog to look confused but he must be strategically placed where members of staff will see him and come to his/his owner's aid. The mutt is placed in front of the glass sliding doors at Sainsbury's Newton Abbot. The dog is well trained. Every time that the doors open he takes a step forwards. Every time they close he takes a step backwards. Initially, nothing happens but eventually a female member of staff comes out to investigate. This is not what the Harriet was expecting. She has has her eyes on the young man assisting senior shoppers back to their cars. Harriet and dog take a break and walk around the block and try again. Once more a female assistant comes to our Harriet's aid. This will never do. A coffee later our demon duo try for the third time. Success, the charming young man with the curly hair comes to our Harriet's assistance. She is so delighted with his assistance that she gives him a Mars bar and a £10 note with her telephone number on it. So who is our machiavellian damsel in distress? It is Slip-on-Me. A note for "The abuser". I still don't know if the abused was the young man with the curly hair or the dog. In fact, Beefy and I couldn't really hear what was going on. Never mind. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Dartmoor Halfway Inn on the Newton Abbot to Bickington Road. Our Hare is, once more, Poacher.

 

On-On to next week, M-P.

SHIP INN CHUDLEIGH

 

Run #2072 Monday 21st April 7:15 pm. Circle up from the main car park (near the square) in Chudleigh - parking is free after 6 pm. On Down The Ship Inn, 4 Fore Street, TQ13 OHX with Zoot and Hotlips.

No food served by the pub but we are welcome to bring our own food - takeaways nearby.

TVH3 The Words for 14 April 2025

 

The Kestor Inn, Manaton

Run No. 2071

A Virgin GM & Virgin RA

HARE: Poacher

 

Who wuz there: Poacher, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Checkmate, Beefy, Pisswell, Melon Picker, Soapy, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Psycho, Red Rum, Sarah and visiting Harriet - Knotty who usually runs with AshHash

 

Circle

Our new GM, Pocket Rocket, meekly steps into the Circle. He welcomes all including a local Harriet - Knotty (very local - she runs from the Kestor Inn). With a little assistance, there is the announcement of next week's Hash and he additionally gets the run number almost right. Beefy then steps into the Circle to award our new GM some tools of the trade. He is given a plastic baby's dummy in the shape of a Hash foot and some nappy wipes. There was also some utterance about baby oil....ahem!

 

No Smellie so no announcements regarding for Hares.

 

Poacher briefs us on the trail. He has no idea as to length (he must have got it right though as the tail end of the Longs arrived back at the pub at 8.55 - bang on). There was a distinct possibility of virgin territory.

 

Trail

The Hare held out the promise of virgin territory and he duly delivered.

 

The trail took us out of the pub car park and right towards Manaton Church but at the first junction there was a check. This didn't stop Man-Pig and Forrest checking the obvious but incorrect route.

The trail now took us on a narrow footpath behind some houses - but in the opposite direction than the last time we were down here. Back on road and another check. Eventually, we find ourselves on the footpath that leads down to Becky Falls. I have never been down here in my life. Judging by the duckboards this path must normally be pretty boggy.

 

We run along footpaths, narrow then broad, in woodland until we arrive at the first Long/Short split. Poacher explains that those going Short at this juncture will be on a short trail. I think that this was, effectively, treated as a Walkers/Long & Shorts' split. I am pretty sure that the Longs & Shorts now comprised: Beeflicker, Beefy, Wet-Johnny, Psycho, Erection, Sarah, Red Rum, Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Pisswell and Soapy.

 

Not far along a broad forestry track, Beefy arrives at a back check. It is now down a steep (say 30 degree) slope, with no discernible trail, to a lower forestry track. Again, this was a rerun of an earlier Poacher trail but in reverse. The track zigzags its way down to Beckabook where we cross a wooden footbridge and arrive at the second Long/Short split. In front of us, Armageddon. 

 

The Longs are sent on a vertiginous climb up towards Trendlebeer Down but always staying within the woods. This was all off path/track but the marks were good. Everyone struggled with the ascent - except Mitch....mind you, he does have an advantage...four legs! Forrest initially ummed and erred but the temptation was too great so up he went (how does he do it?). 

 

Just as we commenced our descent for what was, inevitably, the usually Poacher Perisher loop, the car key incident occurred. Keys recovered, we descended to the calls of Poacher. The descent was as challenging as the ascent. By the time we were next to Beckabrook Beeflicker, Beefy and Wet-Johnny were long gone.

 

The remainder crossed another timber footbridge and ran along the arc of the River Bovey in Houndtor Wood. It was just beginning to get a tad dipsy and we were wondering if we were still running away from the pub - we were!

 

We arrive at a check at a double bridge which has been kicked out across the bridge. Shirley some mistaka. The brave Harriets try out the dodgy elder bridge whilst the Pig stays firm on the new bridge. Nobody loses their perch and falls in despite the Pig encouraging all to wave for a photo. Then a call, "On back". Despite finding marks on the other side of the bridge, this was a false trail and Poacher called us back.

 

Throughout the Longs' trail, we had come across a lot of Hash markings that were in sawdust. Sensibly we ignored them as our Hare had advised that the trail was in flour. Forrest and Mitch had caught up and were now FRB's on the long ascent to the edge of the woods. It was dark enough to require electrical illumination. Poacher said that it was ruining his night vision as he trotted along the now level track at the edge of the woods. Then a strange call, "F**k, f**k, F**k, f**k, f**k, f**k". It appears that our illuminationless Hare hadn't eaten enough carrots as he stumbled but didn't fall. However, in so doing, he appeared to have strained his knee.

 

He is fit enough to hobble and soon we are on a strangely familiar wide forestry track and heading back to the first of the Long/Short splits, now replete with an "OH" sign. It was certainly dark now and even though the track was wide, eventually merging into tarmac, Psycho and I definitely needed our torches.

Another "OH" and we were back in Manaton immediately below the pub. Another epic adventure over. Thank you Poacher.

 

Down-Downs

We have a new RA in our midst. It is Pisswell. Time to put her to the test....but not so soon. Having missed last week's AGPU Pisswell was insistent that she be formally inaugurated into her new position by the GM. Pocket Rocket duly did the needful by re-enacting a knighthood with his staff of office.

Pisswell leaps into her new position by thanking the pub for having us....regrettably no-one is behind the bar to hear us. Then it is onto the stories - real or perceived.

 

Our new RA has a hat to give away and a story. This is the story of a Harriet on the Longs that might well have had a long walk home had it not been for the eagle-eyed Soapy. Well off the beaten track and half way up/down a 45 degree escarpment, Soapy finds a Skoda car key. It is not hers. "Does anyone have a Skoda?" she asks those clinging onto the near sheer rock face. I mention that Psycho has a Skoda and we shout down to Psycho, "Have you lost your car keys?" Hanging grimly onto a tree branch she uses the other hand to check her pockets, one-by-one. "Yes". The solitary key is reunited with its owner. Unfortunately, the owner has to rush home early (exam the next day) so misses out on the pub. Our new RA is quick to learn. In the absence of the guilty party she nominates herself to take the DD Forrest-Stump style! Soapy, as key finder, is also called up for an all Harriet double-header.

The Hare gets a DD but Poacher will only drink cider so he finishes what remains of his drink - "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

We still have the outstanding issue of naming Sarah. She likes horse riding and her surname is Bird. Beeflicker has been looking up odd bird names on his magic phone. The preferred choice is The Fluffy Headed Tit Babbler - yes, it really exists. But the name is too long and Sarah would prefer a name with no rudeness. "Mane Attraction" is mentioned and I think that is what we went with but TVH hashers will be children and various amalgamations/abbreviations followed: Tit Attraction, Fluffy Attraction, Fluffy Tits, Tit Babbler etc. I rather fear that Mane Attraction will metamorphosise into Tit Babbler over time.

 

Sarah is called up for her naming and made to kneel before the RA for her anointing and naming with a little additional Holy Water/beer being sprinkled by Forrest. This would normally have been fine but he'd spent much of the evening scratching his balls!

 

By my arithmetic, there is one half left but my memory is a blank so it is farewell to the pub and another big "Thankyou" and it is "On" to next week.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Chudleigh car park with the on-down at the Ship (I know that The Bishop Lacey is under new management but I do not know if they open on a Monday). Our Hares are Hotlips and Zoot.

 

On-On to next week, M-P

KESTOR INN

Run #2071 Monday 14th April Circle up 7:15 pm from the Kestor Inn, Manaton, Dartmoor National Park, Kestor Inn, Manaton, Newton Abbot TQ13 9UF with Poacher. Bring your head torches just to be on the safe side (sunset 20:09).

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 7 April 2025

 

The Park inn, Kingskerswell

Run No. 2070

AGPU & Shitfaced's swan song

HARE: Beeflicker

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Bluebird, Shitfaced, Zoot, Hotlips, Threesum, Base Camp, Poacher, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Coldtits, Smellie, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Big End, Fukarewe, Ernie, Sarah, Red Rum, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Only Here for the Beer, Two Little Schitz, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Pocket Rocket, Psycho, Warmfront, Archangel, Ablesemen, Bobbiball, Park'n'Ride, T-Humper & friend and visiting Harriet - Minxie

 

Circle

Almost no announcements. Shitfaced welcomed our sole visitor - Minxie. There were also returnees in the form of T-Humper and friend. In a nutshell, Shitfaced advised that scoff was being laid on for the evening's AGPU. It is free for annual members, weekly payers are expected to contribute £2.

Smellie, amazingly, has Hares upto July. Excellent.

 

So, over to the Hare - Beeflicker. The trail would be relatively short and restricted to the village so that we could push on with the AGPU. Beeflicker explained that there were three trails; a Walkers' trail of about 1 mile and a Shorts' trail of about 3 miles.....errrrm....that's 2 trails! Ah yes. "For the Longs do the Shorts' followed by the Walkers'. It should be about 5 miles!" Errrm......another arithmetic anomaly....but who cares?

 

Trail

Now, I have lived in Kingskerswell for 29 years. I would have thought that I was pretty familiar with it by now. Clearly not. Our Hare had me on three pieces of road or footpath that I never knew existed. The trail was a tight-knit affair with marks always on the LEFT. This meant that the trail could go down one side of a road and then back up the other side....ingenious. 

 

The cunningly laid convolutions had the Longs running up towards the primary school whilst the Walkers were running down the other side of the road looking for all the world like unlikely FRB's.

It might have been a short run but a lot of work must have gone into planning it so a big "Thankyou & well done" to Beeflicker". You kept us on out toes and virgin territory to boot!

 

Down-Downs

Sarah has two awards (one will be saved for next week). She awards the jesters hat to OHFTB for confusing his Thirsty Blonde with a Naked Lady. A note for the Ginger-Minger.

 

Bluebird has two stories. The first is about Poacher costing him an arm and a leg as a half pint of cider grew to a pint and a half of cider and significant damage to his wallet. Story number two is about moggies. Bluebird relates to Able a sombre tale of how your cats will eat you if you die at home and there is no food for the house tigers.. "That's OK", says Ablesemen. "I don't have a pussy!" No? Well...

And with that, Able is voted in as the recipient for the award which turns out to be the long-lost Hashit shirt, previously exiled within the dungeon realm of the Flightless One. Sigh..

 

Ernie also has an award...... and a story. Ernie recounts that early on in the trail two Harriets are admiring someone's nicely manicured garden. In particular they were interested in a bush. They were stroking it, kissing it, fingering....all sorts. They were definitely intent on having it away. It will come as no surprise that the responsible party were the aptly named Topiary Twins. Warmfront is not driving so she gets the half pint of ale accompanied by "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Forrest is RA'ing and there is a 50th run badge to award. For some unknown reason he thinks it is Shitfafced's. It is not. But, having Shitfaced front & centre provides the ideal opportunity to give him his retirement present. Beefy and Pisswell (regrettably absent this evening) have provided a fitting present and it is gift wrapped. Shitfaced is invited to unwrap it. This he dutifully does only to be presented with a re-run of The Awards' Night from a fortnight ago. 

 

The present is embedded in flour. Eventually, he extracts a flour covered bubble-wrap bag. Inside the bag is a clock. It might even have an inscription, "For 7 Years of Loyal Service to TVH3", or it might not? What it does have is an unfeasibly short electric lead. Oh, how we all laughed! We appear to have run out of Down-Downs so Forrest gives Shitfaced his pint to finish off.

 

Then there is the case of the 50th run badge. To whom will it go? Forrest has already forgotten the recipient. A gentle reminder and Psycho is called up to receive her first TVH3 badge. "She's the meanest she sucks......" etc.

 

In the confusion, we forget to thank the pub for the scoff and the Down-Downs. Our apologies and a big "Thankyou" to Park'n'Ride and Karen for looking after TVH3 so well over many a year.

So, eventually, we move onto the AGPU.

 

AGPU

I'm afraid that I missed he first part of the AGPU as I was at the bar getting Forrest a replacement pint for the impromptu Down-Down awarded to Shitfaced. I am assuming that Threesum went through the accounts and everyone agreed with them (they did).

 

I rejoined the AGPU as Piltdown Man was running of a list of statistics covering the past 12 months. Amongst other things the list included those who had attended most frequently. Beeflicker was at the top with 49 appearances. Then there were the number of trails laid by various individuals. Staggeringly, Shitfaced was near the top but what about his "friends"? Conveniently omitted. I can't recall top Hare....Poacher or Beeflicker I think. 

 

The stats were informative but I can't help but think that this is the sort of information that should really be posted on the Hash FB page just prior to voting for the Awards. In fact, if I cast my mind back a long time ago, pre-internet, I am sure that these stats were printed out on A4 and handed out with the voting forms (yes, indeed they were by Teapot). 

 

Additionally, we had a table of all who had received Down-Downs throughout the year, and how many. Perhaps a thought for the current mismanagement to conjure with?

 

Shitfaced then ran down the list of existing committee members and asked them if they'd be prepared to stand again. The current incumbents were happy enough to remain in position for another 12 months with the following exceptions. Strap-On (absent) really didn't want to be an RA. Additionally, Shitfaced had already announced that he would have to stand down from being GM due to forthcoming work commitments. So, who could be persuaded to fill these shoes?

 

Pisswell had indicated that she would like to have a go and was, in absentia, duly sworn in.

 

And the biggie. Who was going to take over as GM? Shitfaced announced that Man-Pig had thrown his hat into the ring. Man-Pig swiftly corrected this and clarified that Shitfaced had suggested that I might want to do it. Bluebird then leapt to the fore and made quite an impassioned speech advocating the Pig's undoubted prowess in such matters. It was as flattering as it was embarrassing and I thank the Bird for his kind words. However, the Hash is so much more than any single person so the Pig simply stated that he was quite happy to continue as RA but he would not stand for GM in addition to being an RA. It was an "either, or" scenario as far a the Pig was concerned.

 

Banter and chit-chat followed and somehow, in the milieu, Pocket-Rocket emerged as GM.......fantastic.

There had also been a hint that U Bend might not have been prepared to stand in as Vice GM and Forrest put himself forward for the post and was approved.

 

But the night was far from over. The outgoing GM was about to have his swan song - literally. By some devious and devilish magic T-Humper had got her phone to speak with the PA system. What followed was both unexpected and, in parts, bizarre. Shitfaced bowed out by thanking some of the behind the scenes committee members for their assistance. In particular, Threesum who received a bouquet of flowers. Next, Shitfaced went on to explain that he'd had quite a lot of personal issues during his time as GM. There were many times when he simply didn't want to make the effort to turn up on a Monday evening. But turn up he did - and he was always grateful that he had. 

 

For many, the Hash is not only a relaxing way in which to chill out, it is downright cathartic. In particular, Shitfaced wanted to thank Zoot who was also blessed with a bouquet.

 

And then to the grand finale. Some giggled; some laughed; others were open-mouthed and wide-eyed as Shitfaced bowed out by singing (karaoke style) a Hash version of "I did it my way"............ you certainly did!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Kestor inn, Manaton. Our Hare is, once again, Poacher.

 

On-On to next week. MP