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BURNS NIGHT HASH FROM THE TWO MILE OAK

Run #2113 Monday 26th January Circle up 7:15 pm from the Two Mile Oak, Totnes Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 6DF with Wet Johnny for our Hoots Mon BURNS NIGHT hash. Dig out anything (including six foot cabers!) Scottish to wear on trail or in the pub. There will be haggis available!

'I HAVE A CUNNING PLAN'

TVH3 The Words for 19th January 2026

The Wighton, Torquay

Run No. 2112

HARE: Man-Pig

Who wuz there: Man-Pig, Beefy, Coldtits, Smellie, Miss'Ing, Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Ernie, Wet Johnny, Erection, Polyfella, Psycho, Warmfront, Cheerio Beerio, Matt, Threesum, Wetfart and special guest of honour - Teapot

Circle

In the absence of our GM, Man-Pig stands in as acting GM and welcomes 20 into the Circle. He then gives a 10 minute spiel about food orders - but, he is wasting his time as nobody wishes to eat.

Threesum asks if there is a Walkers' trail and Wetfart enquires as to distance. The Hare answers, "Yes. Two point five. Three point five and a shade over 5". Hmmm.....time will tell.

Announcements

Smellie has no announcements so it is over to the Hare who states that "It is one and on". Accordingly, there will be no crosses to mark false trails.

Trail

We turn left out of the pub car park and up to the junction of Newton Road and Riviera Way. At the bottom of Kingskerswell Lane is a Long & Short/Walkers split. But nobody sees it as they have crossed the road a fraction too early and are making their way towards Torquay on the wrong, and unmarked, side of Rivera way.

All are called back and shepherded in the right direction.

The Shorts and Longs make their way up Kerswell Lane. Some FRB's arrive at a back check and return to search for the trail. Others have to be called back. Two, however, are so far ahead that they do not hear the calls of "On-back" and are not seen again till 9.20pm.

The backcheck results in a jump over a hedge where, amazingly, Smellie finds herself at the head of the pack. There is some scurrying around on woodland footpaths before exiting into Swallowfield Rise and looping along Welsbury Close before dropping down onto the footpath to rejoin the Walkers.

The Pig is supposed to be sweeping and assumes that he is at the rear of the pack with Strap-On. He is oblivious to the fact that that Polyfella and Warmfront are carrying on regardless. Maybe they have picked up the Haldon Hash trail from the Devon Dumpling?

The pack is now on a common trail shared by the Walkers, Shorts and Longs. Man-Pig, Strap-On, Cheerio Beerio and Matt are the tail enders - or are they? The trail now sweeps past Sainsbury's filling station at The Willows and up Nicholson Road. An arrow takes us across the Magistrate's Court car park and onto a check.

At this point, the Pig has a brainwave. "To save re-laying the trail tomorrow for AshHash, as we're at the back of the pack I'll just patch up the checks as we go along".

We are on the footpath to the south of Nightingale Park and we soon come to the Long/Short split. Although the Longs will be way ahead, I bid farewell to my companions who have all elected to go Short. Meanwhile, despite never a chance of catching up with the FRB's, I continue to sweep the Longs, rebuilding all the kicked out checks as I go.

The trail takes us along two edges of the park before joining Barton Hill Way and then turning right down Barton Hill Road where I am presented with torchlight. FRB's, Beefy, Miss'ing and Psycho are searching for flour or chalk arrows without success. The Pig points them up Dorchester Grove and along a small ginnel to Salisbury Avenue.

An arrow takes us right and then left across the road and up a tarmac footpath. the blobs of floor now follow the footpath to the right just below Shrewsbury Avenue. Eventually a check. It has not been kicked out. Does this mean that Warmfront and Polyfella are in front of us, and not kicking out checks, or are they still behind us? The Hare waits whilst the the three FRB's who are present each check out a different rout. Miss'ing calls "On-On" and Beefy and Psycho are called "On-Back". The Hare points them in the right direction and leaves the check intact for tomorrow.......or so he thinks.

The trail descends ancient steps down to Hele Road. The FRB's miss an arrow and have to called back as they head up Hele Road. Almost opposite the steps that we have just descended is a short alleyway that leads to another set of steps. These climb upto Pendennis Road.

Arriving at Pendennis Road, an arrow takes us almost straight across and up a tarmac path onto Windmill Hill and another check. Again the three FRB's spread out and check. Again, Miss'ing is on the correct path. We zig and zag along a woodland path encountering the detritus of two adolescent dens.

Eventually, we find an arrow and a jolly jaunt along a footpath between the woodland and council houses and thence onto Auderley Avenue.

We cross to the far side of the avenue and head uphill to a check at the entrance to a set of steep steps that form the beginning of a rather underused public footpath. Miss'ing checks the footpath and returns empty handed, as do Beefy and Psycho. The Hare suggests that all have another look at the footpath. This time they do not return. Once more the check is left intact.....oh what a cunning plan by the Hare. He can stay in bed till lunchtime tomorrow and get away without have to do any relaying for AshHash the following day!

The footpath is a little overgrown and there is a 20 foot section that has partially collapsed leaving a 4" wide sloping surface to walk on. Beefy decides he is better off jumping down into the adjacent gulley rather than fall into it. The others tiptoe precariously along its edge.

On hitting Cricketfield Road, we encounter another check. But this one has been kicked out.....the wrong way. The FRB's are called back and redirected uphill along Cricketfield Road where they succesfully rejoin the Shorts' trail. However, have the Shorts ever been on this part of the trail as the check at the Barton Road entrance to Chapel Hill is intact?

For the fourth time, Miss'ing finds the trail thereby necessitating the calling back of our serial losers, Psych and Beefy who have failed to find the trail at every check.

In Chapel Woods, even the Hare can't find his trail but we all find the exit onto and across Newton Road with arrows heading towards the traffic lights at Shiphay junction. It is left and up Shiphay Lane for a few yards before crossing onto the new(ish) illuminated cycle path that runs below the hospital and links Shiphay Lane to Lowes Bridge. Psycho has never been down here and comments that she thought that the whole trail had been quite pretty. The Hare's comment was, "Most of tonight's trail looks better in the dark!"

We follow the trail down Newton Road. However, at Cadewell Lane we lose our FRB, Miss'ing. Miss'ing stays on the Newton Road all the way back to the pub but the trail actually turns left and up Cadewell Lane for about 100 yards to another (still intact) check at an alleyway that leads to Rougemont Avenue. It is not long before the final trio arrive at an "OH" mark followed by another "OH" mark at some steps that lead down to Newton Road a mere 100 yards from the On-Down.

Down-Downs

We arrive back at the Wighton bang on 9pm. The Walkers and the Shorts was considerably shorter than the Longs so there has been some attrition. Some have gone straight home due to needing to pick up kids from football training. Others have had one pint and left, most importantly Hash Cash has paid for the Down-Downs before exiting stage right.

Despite losing 55% of the pack we have gained a VIP. It is Teapot. "Great to see you and Happy New Year". Our starting pack of 20 has shrunk to 9.

Only Smellie has an award. This she deservedly gives to Teapot as a very much welcome returnee. Teapot sensibly elects to take the sole glass of water present.

Now it is story time. Psycho has a story about Beefy. We are on Grosvenor close and within eyesight of the On-Down. Beefy is convinced that we will be going uphill and commences ascending Grosvenor Avenue. Unsurprisingly there are no marks as this is not part of the trail. "You're stupid. You're stupid....."

Next Beefy has a story. This is about a Harriet who, at the commencement of the trail, makes a bee line for her car. Was she going to do the trail by car? No, she was simply getting her hat and gloves. "Here's to the dapper dresser".

Beefy decides that the Hare cum GM cum RA and now, additionally, scribe warrants a down-down. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

The Hare now spills the beans on Warmfront with a story from last week's trail. "Who has long hair that managed to find its way into a puddle when she somersaulted a cycling barrier at last week's hash?". A sheepish Warmfront takes her DD in relatively swift fashion.

There is still a half pint left. Candidates include Ernie and Smellie who have clocked up 5.9 miles on the Shorts. They swear that they were on trail the whole time. Suspiciously, 5.9 miles is exactly the same distance that Beefy got on the Longs. There is also a story about pregnancy tests. Does a young Harriet have any news for us? It all gets rather distorted with references to baby sharks in Dubai. The long and the short of it [sic] is that Psycho gets the last DD, and a jolly good beer moustache in the process. This is for finding parts of a pregnancy testing kit on trail!

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Two Mile Oak, on the Newton Abbot to Totnes Road near Abbotskerswell. Our Hare is Wet Johnny. Being the Hash closest to Burn's night Hashers are invited to don Scottish theme, either on trail or in the pub.

On-On to next week, MP

POSTSCRIPT

Our Hare is snug as a bug in a rug. Tomorrow's trail is laid......or is it? Polyfella and Warmfront are 15 minutes behind the other Longs on returning to the pub. After realising that they were not on trail at the top of Kerswell Lane they backtracked and picked up the trail. Being the good Hashers that they are, they kicked out all the checks on their way round.... Whatamistakatomaka! Long drawn out sigh...

THE WIGHTON

Run #2112 Monday 19th January Circle up 7:15 pm promptly (please!) from The Wighton, Orchard Way, Torquay TQ2 7JA with stand-in stalwart Man-Pig.

The hare advises: The On-Down will be at The Wighton TQ2 7JA (near Torbay Hospital). Circle up at 7.15 for a prompt start as the pub closes at 10pm. Please make food orders from their standard menu before the run. The pub has advised that they will aim to get food on the table by 8.45 so, perhaps, a slightly shorter run than usual. On-On. 

 

 

UPCOMING TRAILS

 

TVH THE WORDS #2111 by Miss Inn

 

TVH3 The Words for 12 January 2026 from Miss Inn

The Kings Arms, Kingsteignton

Run No 2111

Hare: Ernie

 

Circled up and GM Pocket Rocket asked for any notices etc and Manpig shared that Teapot misses us all and hopes to see us at the pub one day. Smellie said she needs more hares and also that next weeks trail was to be laid by Piltdown Man and Georgie Porgie but that they were poorly and so Manpig is backup hare and the trail may be in Torquay. Beeflicker said if so he might need a lift next week. Pyscho said she had seen Bluebird out running. The Hare (Ernie) said the walkers trail was 3+ miles, short 4+ miles and long 5+ miles. 

 

On On out of the Kings Arms carpark across the road and down Broadway before turning right and winding through the housing estates. There were plenty of checks which kept the hashers together for a lot of the trail. Special mention for Beeflicker who sounded like he was dying, true dedication to the hash!! Left along Chudleigh Road, past Teign School, the swimming pool and the rugby pitch to join Exeter Road at Five Lanes , FRBs Beefy, Warm Front, Psycho, Well Hopped, Miss Inn, Pollyfella, Woodlend and Soapy headed Into Sandygate Mill and down to a check by the stream where there was much confusion with Beefy circling the field, Miss Inn pointing out her house and Warm Front heading off deeper into the estate past a hidden cross. Woodlend finally picked up the trail past the Sandygate Inn and the pack reformed and headed up the hill across the roundabout, past the back of the swimming pool, into Newcross Park and onto the first split. Walkers to the left and Short/Longs right the crossroads by the Toll House where Shorts were sent left and Longs straight on. Beefy was leading the group at this point but several checks appeared to have already been kicked out and the word was that Pollyfella was out in front somewhere. Running along the old Claypits Lane it was apparent we would be heading to the River Teign, left over a stile and into wet and muddy fields where the hare seemed to have taken great pleasure in laying the dust through the muddiest parts. Out into Preston and Miss Inn (with local knowledge) headed left at a check past Sampsons Farm, calling out On One, On Two, On On, before realising that no-one was answering!! Thinking of the good of the pack (or reluctant to run on alone!!) she retraced her steps and found the errant pack who had gone in the opposite direction before finding a cross. Back together the intrepid hashers crossed the bridge over the River Teign and turning right ran along the river bank with the pack now spreading out, Beefy, Warm Front and Psycho taking the lead with Well Hopped and Missing trailing behind them. At Ventiford Basin the trail turned back towards Kingsteignton along the cycle track to meet Exeter road and then down Broadway Road where On Home marked the imminent end of a great trail. The author has to admit to not noticing a small deviation through Oakford Park at the end but still clocked up 6.1 miles. 

 

True to her name Miss Inn only managed a quick drink at the pub and left before the down downs so someone else will have to share the stories!!

 

TVH The Words addendum

Run #2111

Down-Downs by Man-Pig

 

We start by thanking the pub for having us back after having hosted the Christmas raffle.

Two awards are present. Ernie has the Hashshit shirt. this has been hanging up in his garage but has had such a good airing that it is almost wearable. Hence Ernie decides to give it a proper clean......in his dog's water bowl. The other award is the Guinness stove pipe hat that Beeflicker has brought along.

We thank the two Hares for a lovely trail. A mixture of urban and rural, tarmac and mud. I am also pretty sure that there was a bit of virgin territory along the river bank just before arriving at the Sandygate Inn.

 

Ernie's story was a simple competition. He was going to award the shirt to the first Hasher to whinge about the mud. However, there were two candidates - Soapy and Man-Pig. A vote was put to the floor with Soapy winning by a show of hands.....even if some Hashers were voting with both hands!

In old school Hash style, Soapy removes her top and dons the Hashshit shirt. Melon-Picker tells her that she's walking home whilst others suggest that she might not have much difficulty in thumbing a lift.....a note for, "The Dirty One".

 

Beeflicker has been a bit poorly. So poorly, in fact, that he could only manage the Walker's trail - and he only embarked on that because of the comfort and reassurances proffered by Florence Nightingale - aka Smellie. A note for "The Night Nurse".

The RA suddenly asked if there are announcements for the day i.e. a coming of age, a 21st etc. "Yes". Soapy advises that on 23 January it is Palmolive's 40th birthday.....crikey. Didn't that come round quickly! There will be a "do" at Chudleigh Knighton village hall on 23 January and all Hashers are welcome.....I've forgotten what time KO will be.

 

But this was not the announcement that the RA had been expecting. "Is there anyone here deserving of the Reginald Molehusband award for services to driving". Once it had been explained that Reginald Molehusband was the central character of a road safety campaign from the 1970's, the penny dropped as Pocket Rocket appeared to melt away under the table. Our esteemed GM, this very morning, has passed his car test. He is not driving so he gets the penultimate half pint of ale....."Here's to Reginald Molehusband".

 

The last half of ale. It must go to one of the Hares, but which one? Again the floor is asked to vote. Some vote with their hands, others more vocally. The hands would suggest Ernie but the decibels suggest Strap-On. He passes the car keys to Strap-Dancer and takes one for the Haring demon duo...."Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

I am pretty sure that we, additionally, needed to thank the Hares for the Down-Downs. So, my aplogies for not raising this.

 

Next week

Piltdown Man & Georgy Porgy are down with the lurgy so next week's Hare will be Man-Pig. 

On-On to next week. MP

 

 

KINGS ARMS

Run #2111 Monday 12th January Circle up 7:15 pm from the Kings Arms, Kingsteignton TQ12 3EG with hares Ernie & Strap-On. Psycho has previously mentioned that there will be chicken or sausages on a platter for the hungry hashers.

TVH THE WORDS by Psycho

RUN #2110 Monday 5th January

The Bell Inn at Bovey Tracey

Hare: Beeflicker

The Werdz

A select bunch (14?) met outside the Bell Inn, although there was also some dipping into the pub for a brief defrost.

Some announcements that I can't recall and I cheerfully volunteered for the werdz.

Walkers and shorts turned right, longs to the left - and therein I got more specialised on the longs. Walkers stayed one side of the river, losing Georgie Porgie who made her way alone, avec chien.

Shorts crossed the river and back again, took a few minor divergences from trail, and, in the process absorbed 800+m elevation. Longs ascended to the heavens, slipping and sliding, reaching Bovey's highest heights, then on to Hennock woods, Shaptor woods and half of the longs gang made it threequarters of the way up a particularly appealing blob of rockface.

The Hare took a tumble, Warmfront proved her levitation skills by leaving no footprints in the soft snow dustings, and Pyscho wondered if she really was well enough for this type of shenanigans. Beefy was as happy as a train with all the hills from what i could see.

The promised descent did not come, despite some whimpering and begging. Owls amok. Surely we would descend at some point?

It seemed that the hare got a bit muddled also, but then did sniff out the trail for us - a long uneven yomp down through gorgeous wooded paths 'til Bovey town and the haven of the warm pub.

A large sociable table meant awards from our cosy seats: Beeflicker for an awesome set of trails and mislaying the prior laying of his own actions, Piltdown Man for napping at the table, Warmfront for her assault on a fellow hasher, Smellie for something else, and..

ON ON! to next week, which is Ernie's trail in Kingsteignton with chicken / sausages on a platter.

Thanks for a frosty, fun evening and another lovely trail from Beeflicker.

Psycho X

THE BELL INN

Run #2110 Monday 5th January Circle up 7:15 pm outside the Bell Inn, Town Hall Pl, Bovey Tracey, Newton Abbot TQ13 9AA with Beeflicker. No food available but hashers are welcome to bring their own.

TVH3 The Words for 29th December 2025

The Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

Run No. 2109

 

HARE: Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Man-Pig, Pocket Rocket, Shitfaced, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Gorgy Porgy, Coldtits, Beeflicker, U-Bend, Melonpicker, Miss'Ing, Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer and returnee - Runner Bean 

 

THE LONGS VIEW by Beefy

At a normal (I know) Hash, Beefy is the last On Trail owing to taking a video of the departing Hashers. This was no different. The fact that all were funnelled into the narrow, steeply descending path which leads from the Nelson to Torquay Road meant that the front runners were well away as recording continued of the rear guard comprising our GM and former GM as they discussed their plan to "run the Longs, as usual". 

 

Indubitably. Beefy got going and, having reached Jury's Corner, found the Longs ascending Coffinswell Lane and caught up with Pisswell. We found Miss Inn at our first check and heard "On" called, by Bee Flicker, farther up the road. 

 

We left the bright lights of 'Kerswell and crossed the boundary into the sloe blackness of Coffinswell via the ancient, unmade route. Not for long, however, as Bee Flicker came into view calling "Back check!" Being at the back of the pack, Beefy was first to the Trail which branches left and climbs and then drops into Coffinswell (Haccombe, Daccombe, Coffinswell. All begins with "A". [Ask a real local what this means.]) 

 

The descent, even when dry, keeps your concentration up and, at the end, we wet our shoes before emerging on tarmac at a junction. Beefy wandered around looking for marks and was soon joined by returnee Runner Bean who found a mark On Left. 

 

Bee Flicker caught up and we ran past Greenaway Lane and onto a Check at the junction of Under Way and Milber Lane. Bee Flicker went left and Runner Bean ran right. Beefy stood listening for the "On" Call when a pair of chattering Harriets, in the form of Miss Inn and Pisswell approached. As luck would have it, a barely perceptible call was heard, the check was kicked out and On we went up Milber Lane. We bore left, continuing on Milber Lane and On past Paraprick's house. [The last time I saw PP he said he would lay a Trail for us... come on, PP, dust off those running shoes and have a run with us: you don't have to lay a Trail, it would just be good to see you among us again!] 

 

An arrow shot us left into a narrow path which exited onto the zigzag road between Zig Zag Quarry and Royal Aller Vale Quarry and then exits onto Aller Brake Road but, no.. a cross. Back up the hill to a path on the right for a run through the woods parallel to the road until it drops to the road and a change in direction back towards Torquay. We take a right and right again into Aller Road to run past some very new-looking houses on immaculate tarmac: perhaps this counts as Virgin Territory? 

 

Continuing left on Aller Road, over the railway, we approach the confection of roundabouts at Aller Cross. The Pig had instructed: 'The more "road closed" signs you pass, the more On Trail you are.' or something like that. Beefy found Runner Bean here and we pressed on along Old Newton Road, onto Church End Road and Yon Street, then past KFC (Kingskerswell Former Church), over the A380 and On to Check. Runner Bean hit Chuchway Lane while Beefy went straight on up Huxnor Road. Miss Inn appeared around this time but, no Bee Flicker. 

 

Back to the check and it was still intact so, check Eginswell Lane. No marks so, back to the check. Bee Flicker turned up and found marks along Edginswell Lane on the Right so, "On" was called and Beefy went back to kick out.

 

The Trail continued along Edginswell Lane. Beefy didn't see the check at Saturday's Lane but, Runner Bean was checking. Bee Flicker had seen a Back Check and met Beefy at Hamelin Way. Runner Bean joined us, fresh from not finding the Trail. Together, we took the path which runs parallel with, then under, Hamelin Way, over the Torquay branch line and back to Torquay Road. 

At the foot crossing, near Kerswell Arch, Bee Flicker carried on back to his car. Runner Bean and I met Coldtits who swore blind we were going the wrong way. Well, we crossed the road to enter Claremont Avenue and join Southey Lane. A short run to Fore Street and arrival back at the Nelly gave a recorded milage of 6.9. The Hare was correct when he said the Longs are a shade under seven miles. Success all round. A great Trail, no rain and, Runner Bean and Beefy concurred that the temperature was balmy compared to Scotland and Widecombe. A jog back to the car made it a (Magnificent) "SEVEN!"

Thanks go to Man Pig, again, for a Trail worth much more than "SEVEN!" by any reckoning and a very good time at the On-down, too.

 

Down-Downs (courtesy of MP)

We start by thanking the pub for having us, for opening for us, for doing the casserole for us and for providing the Down-Downs....a good way in which to end the year.

 

There is one award, close but not present. It is in Beeflicker's car so he is despatched to get it. In his absence we proceeded with stories of misdemeanours.

 

First up was Beefy. He has a story about being unable to hear Runner Bean calling "On-On" or "On Back". This is because he could not be heard above the continued rabbitting between Miss'Ing and Pisswell. Unable to reproduce Chas & Dave's "yak. Yak. Rabbit. Rabbit", Miss'Ing was chosen to receive the DD accompanied by, "Here's to Rabbit. Rabbit".

 

Beeflicker returns with the Guinness stove pipe hat. He has a story about one of our experienced FRB's getting lost and nearly doing the trail a second time. This goes to Pisswell. "You're stupid. You're stupid. You're so damn dumb. If your Mother hadn't been there you'd be a lump of cum".

 

The tables are turned and there is a note for the chivalrous one....if anyone could pronounce it, which they couldn't. This went to Beeflicker for helping an elderly person across the main road....or was it he that was helped across the road? It matters not. No one can pronounce chivalrous without stuttering so it is a note for, "Age Concern".

 

Coldtits gets a DD for being late....I think.

 

Our returnee, Runner Bean, gets a DD for, well, returning, albeit briefly.

 

The final two halves go to a pair of Hashers who, somehowm found themselves off trail and in The park Inn for a swifter on the way round the trail. Inevitably, it is the usual suspects, Shitfaced and Pocket Rocket. A note for "The led and the misled".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Bell Inn, Bovey Tracey. Our Hare is Beeflicker. No food but we are welcome to bring our own.

On-On to next week and a Happy New Year from Beefy and Manpig