SHIP INN CHUDLEIGH

 

Run #2072 Monday 21st April 7:15 pm. Circle up from the main car park (near the square) in Chudleigh - parking is free after 6 pm. On Down The Ship Inn, 4 Fore Street, TQ13 OHX with Zoot and Hotlips.

No food served by the pub but we are welcome to bring our own food - takeaways nearby.

TVH3 The Words for 14 April 2025

 

The Kestor Inn, Manaton

Run No. 2071

A Virgin GM & Virgin RA

HARE: Poacher

 

Who wuz there: Poacher, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Checkmate, Beefy, Pisswell, Melon Picker, Soapy, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Psycho, Red Rum, Sarah and visiting Harriet - Knotty who usually runs with AshHash

 

Circle

Our new GM, Pocket Rocket, meekly steps into the Circle. He welcomes all including a local Harriet - Knotty (very local - she runs from the Kestor Inn). With a little assistance, there is the announcement of next week's Hash and he additionally gets the run number almost right. Beefy then steps into the Circle to award our new GM some tools of the trade. He is given a plastic baby's dummy in the shape of a Hash foot and some nappy wipes. There was also some utterance about baby oil....ahem!

 

No Smellie so no announcements regarding for Hares.

 

Poacher briefs us on the trail. He has no idea as to length (he must have got it right though as the tail end of the Longs arrived back at the pub at 8.55 - bang on). There was a distinct possibility of virgin territory.

 

Trail

The Hare held out the promise of virgin territory and he duly delivered.

 

The trail took us out of the pub car park and right towards Manaton Church but at the first junction there was a check. This didn't stop Man-Pig and Forrest checking the obvious but incorrect route.

The trail now took us on a narrow footpath behind some houses - but in the opposite direction than the last time we were down here. Back on road and another check. Eventually, we find ourselves on the footpath that leads down to Becky Falls. I have never been down here in my life. Judging by the duckboards this path must normally be pretty boggy.

 

We run along footpaths, narrow then broad, in woodland until we arrive at the first Long/Short split. Poacher explains that those going Short at this juncture will be on a short trail. I think that this was, effectively, treated as a Walkers/Long & Shorts' split. I am pretty sure that the Longs & Shorts now comprised: Beeflicker, Beefy, Wet-Johnny, Psycho, Erection, Sarah, Red Rum, Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Pisswell and Soapy.

 

Not far along a broad forestry track, Beefy arrives at a back check. It is now down a steep (say 30 degree) slope, with no discernible trail, to a lower forestry track. Again, this was a rerun of an earlier Poacher trail but in reverse. The track zigzags its way down to Beckabook where we cross a wooden footbridge and arrive at the second Long/Short split. In front of us, Armageddon. 

 

The Longs are sent on a vertiginous climb up towards Trendlebeer Down but always staying within the woods. This was all off path/track but the marks were good. Everyone struggled with the ascent - except Mitch....mind you, he does have an advantage...four legs! Forrest initially ummed and erred but the temptation was too great so up he went (how does he do it?). 

 

Just as we commenced our descent for what was, inevitably, the usually Poacher Perisher loop, the car key incident occurred. Keys recovered, we descended to the calls of Poacher. The descent was as challenging as the ascent. By the time we were next to Beckabrook Beeflicker, Beefy and Wet-Johnny were long gone.

 

The remainder crossed another timber footbridge and ran along the arc of the River Bovey in Houndtor Wood. It was just beginning to get a tad dipsy and we were wondering if we were still running away from the pub - we were!

 

We arrive at a check at a double bridge which has been kicked out across the bridge. Shirley some mistaka. The brave Harriets try out the dodgy elder bridge whilst the Pig stays firm on the new bridge. Nobody loses their perch and falls in despite the Pig encouraging all to wave for a photo. Then a call, "On back". Despite finding marks on the other side of the bridge, this was a false trail and Poacher called us back.

 

Throughout the Longs' trail, we had come across a lot of Hash markings that were in sawdust. Sensibly we ignored them as our Hare had advised that the trail was in flour. Forrest and Mitch had caught up and were now FRB's on the long ascent to the edge of the woods. It was dark enough to require electrical illumination. Poacher said that it was ruining his night vision as he trotted along the now level track at the edge of the woods. Then a strange call, "F**k, f**k, F**k, f**k, f**k, f**k". It appears that our illuminationless Hare hadn't eaten enough carrots as he stumbled but didn't fall. However, in so doing, he appeared to have strained his knee.

 

He is fit enough to hobble and soon we are on a strangely familiar wide forestry track and heading back to the first of the Long/Short splits, now replete with an "OH" sign. It was certainly dark now and even though the track was wide, eventually merging into tarmac, Psycho and I definitely needed our torches.

Another "OH" and we were back in Manaton immediately below the pub. Another epic adventure over. Thank you Poacher.

 

Down-Downs

We have a new RA in our midst. It is Pisswell. Time to put her to the test....but not so soon. Having missed last week's AGPU Pisswell was insistent that she be formally inaugurated into her new position by the GM. Pocket Rocket duly did the needful by re-enacting a knighthood with his staff of office.

Pisswell leaps into her new position by thanking the pub for having us....regrettably no-one is behind the bar to hear us. Then it is onto the stories - real or perceived.

 

Our new RA has a hat to give away and a story. This is the story of a Harriet on the Longs that might well have had a long walk home had it not been for the eagle-eyed Soapy. Well off the beaten track and half way up/down a 45 degree escarpment, Soapy finds a Skoda car key. It is not hers. "Does anyone have a Skoda?" she asks those clinging onto the near sheer rock face. I mention that Psycho has a Skoda and we shout down to Psycho, "Have you lost your car keys?" Hanging grimly onto a tree branch she uses the other hand to check her pockets, one-by-one. "Yes". The solitary key is reunited with its owner. Unfortunately, the owner has to rush home early (exam the next day) so misses out on the pub. Our new RA is quick to learn. In the absence of the guilty party she nominates herself to take the DD Forrest-Stump style! Soapy, as key finder, is also called up for an all Harriet double-header.

The Hare gets a DD but Poacher will only drink cider so he finishes what remains of his drink - "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

We still have the outstanding issue of naming Sarah. She likes horse riding and her surname is Bird. Beeflicker has been looking up odd bird names on his magic phone. The preferred choice is The Fluffy Headed Tit Babbler - yes, it really exists. But the name is too long and Sarah would prefer a name with no rudeness. "Mane Attraction" is mentioned and I think that is what we went with but TVH hashers will be children and various amalgamations/abbreviations followed: Tit Attraction, Fluffy Attraction, Fluffy Tits, Tit Babbler etc. I rather fear that Mane Attraction will metamorphosise into Tit Babbler over time.

 

Sarah is called up for her naming and made to kneel before the RA for her anointing and naming with a little additional Holy Water/beer being sprinkled by Forrest. This would normally have been fine but he'd spent much of the evening scratching his balls!

 

By my arithmetic, there is one half left but my memory is a blank so it is farewell to the pub and another big "Thankyou" and it is "On" to next week.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Chudleigh car park with the on-down at the Ship (I know that The Bishop Lacey is under new management but I do not know if they open on a Monday). Our Hares are Hotlips and Zoot.

 

On-On to next week, M-P

KESTOR INN

Run #2071 Monday 14th April Circle up 7:15 pm from the Kestor Inn, Manaton, Dartmoor National Park, Kestor Inn, Manaton, Newton Abbot TQ13 9UF with Poacher. Bring your head torches just to be on the safe side (sunset 20:09).

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 7 April 2025

 

The Park inn, Kingskerswell

Run No. 2070

AGPU & Shitfaced's swan song

HARE: Beeflicker

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Bluebird, Shitfaced, Zoot, Hotlips, Threesum, Base Camp, Poacher, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Coldtits, Smellie, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Big End, Fukarewe, Ernie, Sarah, Red Rum, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Only Here for the Beer, Two Little Schitz, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Pocket Rocket, Psycho, Warmfront, Archangel, Ablesemen, Bobbiball, Park'n'Ride, T-Humper & friend and visiting Harriet - Minxie

 

Circle

Almost no announcements. Shitfaced welcomed our sole visitor - Minxie. There were also returnees in the form of T-Humper and friend. In a nutshell, Shitfaced advised that scoff was being laid on for the evening's AGPU. It is free for annual members, weekly payers are expected to contribute £2.

Smellie, amazingly, has Hares upto July. Excellent.

 

So, over to the Hare - Beeflicker. The trail would be relatively short and restricted to the village so that we could push on with the AGPU. Beeflicker explained that there were three trails; a Walkers' trail of about 1 mile and a Shorts' trail of about 3 miles.....errrrm....that's 2 trails! Ah yes. "For the Longs do the Shorts' followed by the Walkers'. It should be about 5 miles!" Errrm......another arithmetic anomaly....but who cares?

 

Trail

Now, I have lived in Kingskerswell for 29 years. I would have thought that I was pretty familiar with it by now. Clearly not. Our Hare had me on three pieces of road or footpath that I never knew existed. The trail was a tight-knit affair with marks always on the LEFT. This meant that the trail could go down one side of a road and then back up the other side....ingenious. 

 

The cunningly laid convolutions had the Longs running up towards the primary school whilst the Walkers were running down the other side of the road looking for all the world like unlikely FRB's.

It might have been a short run but a lot of work must have gone into planning it so a big "Thankyou & well done" to Beeflicker". You kept us on out toes and virgin territory to boot!

 

Down-Downs

Sarah has two awards (one will be saved for next week). She awards the jesters hat to OHFTB for confusing his Thirsty Blonde with a Naked Lady. A note for the Ginger-Minger.

 

Bluebird has two stories. The first is about Poacher costing him an arm and a leg as a half pint of cider grew to a pint and a half of cider and significant damage to his wallet. Story number two is about moggies. Bluebird relates to Able a sombre tale of how your cats will eat you if you die at home and there is no food for the house tigers.. "That's OK", says Ablesemen. "I don't have a pussy!" No? Well...

And with that, Able is voted in as the recipient for the award which turns out to be the long-lost Hashit shirt, previously exiled within the dungeon realm of the Flightless One. Sigh..

 

Ernie also has an award...... and a story. Ernie recounts that early on in the trail two Harriets are admiring someone's nicely manicured garden. In particular they were interested in a bush. They were stroking it, kissing it, fingering....all sorts. They were definitely intent on having it away. It will come as no surprise that the responsible party were the aptly named Topiary Twins. Warmfront is not driving so she gets the half pint of ale accompanied by "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Forrest is RA'ing and there is a 50th run badge to award. For some unknown reason he thinks it is Shitfafced's. It is not. But, having Shitfaced front & centre provides the ideal opportunity to give him his retirement present. Beefy and Pisswell (regrettably absent this evening) have provided a fitting present and it is gift wrapped. Shitfaced is invited to unwrap it. This he dutifully does only to be presented with a re-run of The Awards' Night from a fortnight ago. 

 

The present is embedded in flour. Eventually, he extracts a flour covered bubble-wrap bag. Inside the bag is a clock. It might even have an inscription, "For 7 Years of Loyal Service to TVH3", or it might not? What it does have is an unfeasibly short electric lead. Oh, how we all laughed! We appear to have run out of Down-Downs so Forrest gives Shitfaced his pint to finish off.

 

Then there is the case of the 50th run badge. To whom will it go? Forrest has already forgotten the recipient. A gentle reminder and Psycho is called up to receive her first TVH3 badge. "She's the meanest she sucks......" etc.

 

In the confusion, we forget to thank the pub for the scoff and the Down-Downs. Our apologies and a big "Thankyou" to Park'n'Ride and Karen for looking after TVH3 so well over many a year.

So, eventually, we move onto the AGPU.

 

AGPU

I'm afraid that I missed he first part of the AGPU as I was at the bar getting Forrest a replacement pint for the impromptu Down-Down awarded to Shitfaced. I am assuming that Threesum went through the accounts and everyone agreed with them (they did).

 

I rejoined the AGPU as Piltdown Man was running of a list of statistics covering the past 12 months. Amongst other things the list included those who had attended most frequently. Beeflicker was at the top with 49 appearances. Then there were the number of trails laid by various individuals. Staggeringly, Shitfaced was near the top but what about his "friends"? Conveniently omitted. I can't recall top Hare....Poacher or Beeflicker I think. 

 

The stats were informative but I can't help but think that this is the sort of information that should really be posted on the Hash FB page just prior to voting for the Awards. In fact, if I cast my mind back a long time ago, pre-internet, I am sure that these stats were printed out on A4 and handed out with the voting forms (yes, indeed they were by Teapot). 

 

Additionally, we had a table of all who had received Down-Downs throughout the year, and how many. Perhaps a thought for the current mismanagement to conjure with?

 

Shitfaced then ran down the list of existing committee members and asked them if they'd be prepared to stand again. The current incumbents were happy enough to remain in position for another 12 months with the following exceptions. Strap-On (absent) really didn't want to be an RA. Additionally, Shitfaced had already announced that he would have to stand down from being GM due to forthcoming work commitments. So, who could be persuaded to fill these shoes?

 

Pisswell had indicated that she would like to have a go and was, in absentia, duly sworn in.

 

And the biggie. Who was going to take over as GM? Shitfaced announced that Man-Pig had thrown his hat into the ring. Man-Pig swiftly corrected this and clarified that Shitfaced had suggested that I might want to do it. Bluebird then leapt to the fore and made quite an impassioned speech advocating the Pig's undoubted prowess in such matters. It was as flattering as it was embarrassing and I thank the Bird for his kind words. However, the Hash is so much more than any single person so the Pig simply stated that he was quite happy to continue as RA but he would not stand for GM in addition to being an RA. It was an "either, or" scenario as far a the Pig was concerned.

 

Banter and chit-chat followed and somehow, in the milieu, Pocket-Rocket emerged as GM.......fantastic.

There had also been a hint that U Bend might not have been prepared to stand in as Vice GM and Forrest put himself forward for the post and was approved.

 

But the night was far from over. The outgoing GM was about to have his swan song - literally. By some devious and devilish magic T-Humper had got her phone to speak with the PA system. What followed was both unexpected and, in parts, bizarre. Shitfaced bowed out by thanking some of the behind the scenes committee members for their assistance. In particular, Threesum who received a bouquet of flowers. Next, Shitfaced went on to explain that he'd had quite a lot of personal issues during his time as GM. There were many times when he simply didn't want to make the effort to turn up on a Monday evening. But turn up he did - and he was always grateful that he had. 

 

For many, the Hash is not only a relaxing way in which to chill out, it is downright cathartic. In particular, Shitfaced wanted to thank Zoot who was also blessed with a bouquet.

 

And then to the grand finale. Some giggled; some laughed; others were open-mouthed and wide-eyed as Shitfaced bowed out by singing (karaoke style) a Hash version of "I did it my way"............ you certainly did!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Kestor inn, Manaton. Our Hare is, once again, Poacher.

 

On-On to next week. MP

AGPU

 Run #2070 Monday 7th April Circle up 7:15 pm from the Park Inn, 15 Coles Lane, Kingskerswell for the AGPU with hare Beeflicker. There is a BBQ reportedly on the hash!

TVH3 The Words for 31st March 2025

The Pig & Whistle, Littlehempston

Run No. 2069

Twilight

HARE: Beeflicker

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Zoot, Hotlips, Poacher, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Coldtits, Smellie, Well Hopped, Fukarewe, Ernie, Red Rum, Strap-On, Sarah, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Only Here for the Beer, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Judgemental, Pocket Rocket, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Pork Torpedo, Horny, returnee Total Recoil and returnee/visitor from Portsmouth & District Hash - Turn-Up-Tony & his missus

 

Circle

It's just as well the Pig & Whistle has a large car park as we nearly filled it with a turnout of 33. Mind you, if the Bentley hadn't taken up two spaces, we could have avoided our solitary case of blocked-in parking.

 

Shitfaced introduced all to the Circle and asked a couple of returnees to reintroduce themselves. The returnees comprised local lad Total Recoil and visitor/returnee Turn-Up-Tony from Portsmouth & District (PAD) H3. Shitfaced additionally reminded us that he would be standing down as GM as from next week's AGPU. Interested parties please put your name forward. Uninterested parties will have their names put forward by someone else. If you do not attend the AGPU, you run the risk of being volunteered into a position that you know nothing about!

 

I think Smellie is OK for Hares up until about June. Nevertheless, Smellie politely reminded us that this is our Hash, a hobby that we all enjoy in equal share and that we shouldn't be be reliant upon the same old faces undertaking the Haring duties week-in and week out. It is your Hash, and like a lot in life, you get out of it what you put in. 

 

So I would ask al of you to consider laying a trail or two and also consider putting your name forward for a position on the Committee at next week's AGPU. 

 

Ergo, The Words. Yes, I love doing them but I am sure that some of you must get tired with the Pig's boring monotony. Everyone has their own style of writing and this applies equally to setting the Trails. Each Hare has their signature hallmark of how they lay a trail. So, how about we revert to nominating a different person to write the Words each week or take a leaf out of SH4's modus operandi? Their Hares are picked to Hare on the date nearest their birthday and the run's scribe is assigned alphabetically.

Onto the Hare for some (mis)information. The walkers' trail is 1.75 miles; Shorts' about 5 and Longs' 6.1 miles.....I think. Marks are always on your right. Some parts of the trail are bi-directional i.e. you'll be coming back on the out trail......simples!

 

Trail

The weather had been glorious for the past 2 days. The clocks had sprung forward the previous morning. This meant that, for the first time this year, we we starting the trail in daylight.......just.

We all trotted out of the gate and along the footpath at the back of the pub car park, towards Littlehempston. 

 

At the first check, another returnee, Fukarewe checks out a false trail....yes, it takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. Over a timber footbridge, along the edge of someone's garden, another gate and then a drop onto the small lane between Littlehempston and Uphempston. This short length of trail had dots of floor on both sides of the footpath....the out & back.

 

Our second check had us running downhill and to a third check at the quirky three way junction which comprises two small bridges.

 

Beefy checked fruitlessly to the left whilst FRB'ing Pork Torpedo was the first to call, "On-On" up the steep and broad rocky footpath up to the A381 (Totnes - Newton Abbot road). 

 

The trail crossed the road and continued up to a fishook. The first four about turned thus allowing the Pig the opportunity to get the next check wrong. 

 

We were now on a series of footpaths marked with arrows and checks. Right, left, right, left until we were back on road not too far from the entrance to the Berry Pomeroy estate. A brief chat with Fukarewe about properties and unfulfilled romances on Jubilee Road and then it was downhill and past Coombepark Cross heading for Gatcombe House. 

 

I catch up with Well Hopped and Pisswell just as Sarah is trying to lead them astray and onto the Medium trail......Medium? There was no mention of Medium in the Circle. This was, in fact, the L&S/Walkers' split. Sarah must have been reading it upside down! 

 

Realising their mistake, all elect to follow the LS marks. We are now on the narrow lane passing Gatcombe Mill. At its end there is a T-junction and an arrow pointing left. I catch up with Poacher who says that Cider is struggling. She is telling him that she doesn't want to Hash anymore.

 

"But she's only a young dog", mutters the Pig.

"Eleven", replies Poacher.

I am astounded. I recall when Cider was a tiny puppy. It only seems like yesterday.

 

We cross the A381 again. This part of the trail looks familiar. It is part of Wet-Johnny's trail from a couple of years ago. But, where would we go this evening? 

 

We carry on towards Hempstone Park where Beeflicker is calling back Beefy from a check. We carry on through the tiny hamlet of Uphempston. Behind me are Beefy, Sarah, Pisswell and Well-Hopped. In front, Wet-Johnny and Total Recoil. 

 

At the T-junction, an arrow directs us left and past the footpath that passed through the field of golden wheat on Wet-Johnny's trail some two years back. No check and no arrows so we carry on to a Y-junction with a track to right. Such an obvious trail but no marks. We stay on road for another 100 yards before the next check at the bottom of a track.

 

Man-Pig foolishly checks on road. Wet-Johnny sensibly checks out the long track to the west of Penny's Wood. This track is long, wide, steep and, yes, beautiful even though it is nearly pitch black - time for the torch. Sarah, Pisswell and Well-Hopped have stolen a lead on the drop down to Tally Ho Bridge. Again, I recognise this piece of road. It is part of a Bobbiball trail 2 or 3 years ago. Inevitably there is a check but the FRB's (Beefy, Wet-Johnny & Total Recoil) have already kicked it out. 

 

Under the railway bridge then left, right, left and up another long track to Parsonage Cross. Piswell, Well Hopped and the Pig then commence the final part of the trail, on road, back towards Littlehempston. Well, not quite the last part of the trail. We had forgotten the last Long/Short split. Just outside the village is the last L/S split. 

 

The Harriets go Short whilst the Pig is interested to find out where the Long would take him. He knew that he was heading for the SWW Sewerage Treatment Works but little else. Would he end up "Happy as a pig in sh*t?". Read on.

 

It proved to be a loop past Littlehempston Church (not going through the churchyard) and then past the Tally Ho pub and thence rejoining the outward trail.

 

Back in the pub car park by 8.50. Perfect timing and not a trace of sh*t anywhere on the Pig!

 

Down-Downs

Unsurprisingly, the Pig was last back. It had been an excellent trail; thoroughly enjoyed by all. Smellie arranged some free Down-Downs with the pub and as soon as scoffers had finished scoffing it was on with the DD's.

 

We start by thanking the pub for having us and for providing the Down-Downs. We haven't been here for a long, long time. I think it is nearly 15 years ago that TVH3 were last here but Poacher reckons that he laid a trail from here about 6 years ago, perhaps that was when I was abroad?

 

Wet-Johnny has the only Award present. It is the horned hat and he has a story. It is about the incident where a Harriet led other Hashers astray. This was achieved by reading a "W" as an "M" and thus taking said Hashers on an imaginary Medium Trail. Our misleading Harriet is, yet to be named, Sarah Bird. She is an English and drama teacher and likes riding horses.....put your thinking caps on for a naming in the next couple of weeks. We have the Hash Songmeister in our midst and he comes up with "Twenty Toes".

 

There are no more Awards so, "What did we think of the trail?"

 

"Amazing", "brilliant" were some of the comments. Beeflicker takes the water and our Songmeister comes up with the particularly apt, S.H.I..Y.T.R.A.I.L.

 

This DD is interrupted by the Landlord dropping a beer tray behind the bar. Hence, the next DD goes to the Landlord to a chorus of "Fry's Turkish Delight".

 

Smellie has a story but it is best recounted by the affected party. A senior member of TVH3 was less than gentlemanly to our visitor from PADS H3. Whilst climbing over a stile Wetfart let rip with a trainer filling liquid fart....right in the face of our following visitor. Wetfart has made himself scarce so our sneaking visitor gets a DD to the tune of, "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

One glass of beer left and one badge to award - and it is a biggy. Surprisingly, no one guesses the correct number which is 600. My money would have been on Coldtits or Soapy. It is neither. Shitfaced then announces the recipient. The badge is already in his hand. It is the Pig. I have no idea what ditty PT came up with. I was too busy gulping.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is our AGPU (Annual General piss Up). It is from the Park Inn, Kingskerswell. Our Hare is, once again, Beeflicker. Don't forget to throw your hats into the ring for a Committee position next week.....don't be shy now!

 

On-On to next week, M-P

PIG AND WHISTLE

Run #2069 Monday 31st March Circle up 7:15 pm from the Pig and Whistle, Newton Road, Littlehempston, Totnes TQ9 6LT with Beeflicker.

TVH3 The Words for 24th March 2025

The Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot

Run No. 2068 Awards' Night

 

HARE: Poacher

 

Who wuz there: Poacher, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Psycho, Coldtits, Smellie, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Big End, Ernie, Strap-On, Sarah, Red Rum, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Only Here for the Beer, Two Little Schitz, Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Polyfella, Judgemental, Pocket Rocket, Archangel, Base Camp and Threesum

 

Circle

As per usual on an Awards Night, the car park filled early but everyone appeared to get parked satisfactorily. The roadworks inn Newton Abbot only resulted in two latecomers. Sarah, who just made the Circle and Polyfella who didn't!

 

The Circle commenced with Threesum collecting names for eaters. A heavily subsidised chilli con carne with baked potato at £5/head was on the menu. Noshing headcount over it was over to the RA.....possible for the last time. Shitfaced announced that he would soon be standing down from his position as RA due to work commitments. Accordingly, the Hash would have to put their thinking hats on and put themselves, or their choice of candidate, forward. Currently only Man-Pig has been pressganged volunteered to fill the position.

 

Smellie needs a Hare for the end of April.

 

Now it is over to the Hare. Poacher advises that: "The trail has everything" but we never did get clarification as to whether that included a Walkers' trail. However, there was definitely a Long and a Shorts' trail out there somewhere.

 

Trail

The evening was comparatively mild and dry. This was a good start, especially on a Poacher trail as you never know what you're going to get.

 

The first check was at the entrance to the pub car park. Hashers checked hither and thither eventually picking up marks going down Pitt Hill Road and then turning left along the footpath that leads onto the downs below Highweek Church. There ensued a lot of navel gazing or running around in circles until we were called "on" down Church Walk. But not for long as Poacher had us scrambling over a hedge for another loop around the down before continuing down Church walk to Exeter Road. 

 

At the roundabout, there was another check that took us onto the footpath that runs westward behind Knowles Hill School. Back onto Pitt Hill Road for a short while and then up Coombeshead Road before an arrow had us take a left and down another footpath to Ashburton Road.

 

Up to this point, the FRB's had alternated between, Psycho, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny and Man-Pig....surely Beefy must have been at the front at some stage? 

 

Across the Ashburton Road and drop through a small park until we hit the River Lemon and turn left on the tarmac footpath that eventually runs past Sainsbury's. But we never got that far.

 

From this point on, I get confused. There is some trotting about in a residential area and a Long/Short split. Poacher takes the Longs up a narrow footpath and then off piste. I think we are in Bradley Woods. We climb up a long and steep, wild garlic covered hill to its top. There is not a sign of a track or rabbit run anywhere. The garlic is both pungent and slippery. Once at the top, we have to do the same down the other side.We drop down another slippery wooded slope. I can just see Poacher and Wet-Johnny's torchlight ahead of me. Behind me are Psycho and Beefy who are both threatening to fall like a house of cards on the poor Pig.

 

Eventually, we arrive onto a broad rocky track and head left for about 200 yards before hitting a check, but this time on a tarmac footpath. There is a call of "On" to our right from Beeflicker. We run parallel with a small leat to our right. I am sure that we are in Bradley Woods just below Bradley Manor. We pass the last Long short split and cross a small bridge over the River lemon and grind to a halt at a check. Poacher has forgotten where he is and needs illumination from Psycho. 

 

After a bit of scurrying around with Psycho's head torch Poacher marks the trail up a steep bank. In fact a bloody steep and high hill. Normally this would have been manageable. But it would have been better if Poacher had allowed Psycho to simply lend him her head torch. Joined at the head like some abominable circus attraction from the 19th century the pair commenced their ascent of the north face of the Eiger. These were closely followed by Wet-Johnny and Pisswell, who had caught us up whilst the headless duo were trying to find the trail. The Pig was tail end-charlie.

 

Just below its peak, a fallen tree impeded progress even further. Poacher calls back, "Watch your head". Too late. Wet-Johnny is bloodied and Pisswell is out of earshot. In an almost perfect replay Pisswell crawls under the tree and attempts to get up. Bang. She's hit her head on the same bit of tree as Wet-Johnny and crumples to the floor. A little dizzy, but otherwise unscathed, the sextuple continue on their way; this time down the mountain and onto the upper footpath. 

 

We pass the Puritans' Pit which always looks rather ghostly at night with its large crucifix. But tonight, we'd all be OK. No vampires were going to get anywhere near us for we were all reeking of the wild garlic which had impregnated our trainers.

 

Inevitably, we arrive at the Ford. An arrow has us pointing away from East Ogwell and across the Lemon.......bridge or ford. It's a tough choice but all six Longs maintain 12 dry feet as we commence our climb up the track that leads to Ogwell Mill Road. The last time that I had been up here the mill was a ruin. It appears to have been knocked down and rebuilt as a modern home....nice but no character.

 

The final leg has us arrive at the Ashburton Road at its junction with Barton Drive. It is left and then right and up the two footpaths (unusually dry for this time of year) that lead us back onto Coomeshead Road and the "OH" sign.

 

Back in the pub car park just before 9; a perfectly planned trail by Poacher and our only casualties are two sore heads.

 

Down-Downs

Back in the pub Forrest-Stump and Man-Pig are intercepted by Shitfaced before they can get to the bar.

"We want to get on with The Awards. Get the Down-Downs done as quickly as possible...all at the same time".

 

We had every intention of pandering to the whims of our gerrymandering GM but this would have to wait for another half an hour as the food was just coming out of the kitchen....one by one.

 

Scoff over, the Forrest-Pig duet spring into action. The Hare (Poacher), the head bangers (Wet-Johnny & Pisswell), Beefy and Sarah were called up, front and centre to receive their Down-Downs for various misdemeanours on trail.....mainly head banging and a being a drama queen. This was accompanied by a note for the head bangers.

 

Well, that was nice and quick so over to The Awards.

 

The Awards

After faffing around with his iPhone and its windscreen mounting holder, Shitfaced gets the show on the road. In addition to a T-shirt, the 2024 Awards winners will each receive a bag of flour. How topical! However, these are no ordinary bags of flour. Within each bag is a hidden gift.  

 

This immediately takes me back to my youth when my brothers and I used to badger mum to buy Kelloggs corn flakes. This was because the TV ads were promoting a free plastic toy in each pack.

The following morning we would all want cornflakes for breakfast. Each one of us hoping that the toy would drop out and into our bowl. It never did. It was always at the bottom of the pack. this resulted in the entire contents of the box being poured out over the kitchen table in order to retrieve the small plastic object of our desires. There then followed a hurried, and usually botched, attempt to get all of the cornflakes back into the box before Mum re-entered the kitchen. Almost inevitably, some cornflakes had made it onto the kitchen floor.....Mum was never impressed. But I digress

.

Shitfaced starts by thanking Threesum and, I think, an absent Zoot for arranging the T-shirts and arranging the venue for the Awards Night. Then it is straight into The Awards in no particular order.

Shitfaced announces that some Awards have been dropped this year, including Scribe of the Year; others have been combined i.e. hare of the Year and Best Lay of the Year, some have been remade and a new category of Groomer of the Year has been introduced.

 

First up is Harriet of the Year. The top three candidates name are read out and the winner, in this case the thoroughly deserving Pisswell is called up to collect her T-shirt and jolly useful bag of flour. regrettably, for all awards I cannot recall the names of those mentioned in dispatches but who fell a smidgen short of taking the top prize.

 

Hare of the Year goes to Poacher. Again, a deserving winner.

 

Hasher of the Year is awarded to Beefy, always there, reliable and many a magnificent trail to boot.

 

Newcomer of the Year goes to Pocket Rocket who is so delighted that he texts Runner Bean to rub it in. Don't you just love little brothers?

 

Best Sweetie/Drinks' Stop of the Year has many deserving contenders. My favourite was Ernie's strawberries and cream washed down with a Pimms refeshment stop. Although this was a runner up the votes had been cast and Beeflicker's wheeled pop-up bar was the winner. I am not sure that Psycho can remember much about that particular Hash.

 

Groomer of the Year goes to Pisswell - the only person to win two awards...but it might have been more.

 

On-Down of the Year is shortlisted to: The Park Inn, Beefy's Place and Tinkley Bottom. And the winner is......Tinkley Bottom! Forrest promises that he will have another firework hash there later this year!

 

Club Hasher of the Year goes to Piltdown Man for all his work in the background. At this point, the runners up are also invited up for a drink-off. The runners up are Psycho and Smellie. This is not quite your ordinary Down-Down. The trio line up behind a table. Each contestant has in front of them a half pint of beer and a half pint of water with a lemon in it. The rules....there are no rules in the Hash.......are to drink both glasses with one hand behind you back.

 

The gathered ensemble of TVH3 Hashers do not place bets and no money changes hands as this is going to be a one horse race. The dead cert is Psycho....and, let's face it, she's had enough experience this year. The thoroughbred finishes both glasses just as Smellie is starting on her water....but she is still progressing at a commendable lick. Not so Piltdown Man. Our three legged donkey has inadvertently strayed onto the course for the St Ledger. He is only one third of the way through his beer when the race is won. The Harriets have it. The Harriets have it. All rise.

 

And finally the...errrr....grand finale. Pillock of the Year. This goes to Only here for the Beer but there is no explanation forthcoming from our Master of Ceremonies as to the reason why. Maybe it was building his log cabin too close to the woods or perhaps it was the open brazier burning away next to a giant roll of hay - twice? Perhaps, we will never know?

 

Our winners then don their respective shirts for the obligatory Awards' photo for posterity and the evening is done for another year.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Pig and Whistle, Littlehempston. We haven't been there for a while. Our Hare is Best Sweetie Stop award winner - Beeflicker.

 

On-On to next week, M-P