PARK INN AT KINGSKERSWELL

 Run #2059 Monday 20th January circle up 7:15 pm from the Park Inn, 15 Coles Lane Kingskerswell TQ12 5BQ with Shitfaced & Friends.

TVH3 The Words for 13th January 2025

The Crown & Sceptre, St Marychurch

Run No. 2058 - "Gropers' trail"

 

HARE: Poacher

 

Who wuz there: Poacher, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Pocket Rocket, Only Here for the Beer, Polyfella, Red Rum, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Archangel, Fukarewe, Wet Johnny, Warmfront, Psycho, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Satnav, Coldtits, Miss'ing, Wetfart & Teapot

 

Circle

Twenty-seven! A veritable threefold increase from last week's attendance. A significant turnaround from the Christmas & New Year hiatus. It was excellent to see so many turn up for our return to the Crown & Sceptre.

 

There was only one announcement. This was from Shitfaced and it concerned the upcoming Awards' Night in early March. Voting forms and the ballot box would be in the bar afterwards so get your votes in.....even though Piltdown Man has yet to compile a summary of the previous 12 months' Trails and Hares. 

 

In addition, Shitfaced announced that a couple of new categories would be introduced, including Groomer of the Year and Best Sweetie/Refreshment Stop of the Year. Scribe would be binned and Best Lay of the Year and Hare of the Year would be combined - surely they are the same thing? Or was it that Hare of the Year would be deemed to include Hasher of the Year?

 

On the subject of Scribe, I am perfectly happy to have the Award scrapped and also happy to continue scribing. However, please do not think that I am on a mission to monopolise The Words....certainly not. I would strongly encourage you all to get involved in writing The Words. Everyone has their particular style and it is interesting to read others' accounts of the evening's events. Irrespective of whether the Award for Scribe of the Year is binned or not, please don't be shy. Have a go at doing The Words. Remember, variety is the spice of life.

 

Smellie put out a call for a hare for 6th February. Please see her if you want to lay this one.

So, over to Poacher for a briefing on his second trail of his January trilogy.

 

"There are three Long/Short splits. It is technical". I think the latter was a euphemism for running around in small circles and attempting to climb up unfeasibly steep and slippery banks. We would soon find out.

 

Trail

The first check was outside the pub car park and, inevitably, the bulk of the pack stood immobile whilst Polyfella and others checked out the various avenues. They didn't have to check far as there was another check pretty much outside the front door of the pub. The Pig checked down Petitor Road and quickly came across our third check in under 150 meters. Beeflicker had a fruitless check down Hartop Road whilst the actual trail eventually continued down Petitor Road, past the golf club and onto Petit Tor downs. 

 

However, not before a slight misunderstanding by Polyfella who repeatedly called 'ON BACK!' to a lone hasher who was gaily flitting down the road en routey for the obvious destination of the woods. Once, twice and thrice he called, each time more loudly. The hasher paid no heed. At the end of Petitor road by the kissing gate, he turned and called 'ON ON'. Long sigh. (I would be interested to know why you tried to call me back, young Lochinvar,)

 

Soon we came to the first Long/Short split. This was a small loop along a dry and leafy, but very minor, track in the woods, skirting to the right the summit of the notorious 'Heights of Abraham' climb up from Petitor beach - stormed twice by TVH in years gone by. Not tonight, Josephine.

 

Back on the main trail, we passed Petit Tor itself and skirted the eastern edge of the golf course afore arriving at the second Long/Short split. This was the "technical" bit. Off trail down a steep slope, over two fallen trees whilst, all the time, attempting not to turn an ankle on the numerous short lengths of fallen branch. Probably no more than 50 yards down the slope, we found ourselves coming back up an even steeper slope. With every Hasher that made it to the top, the following Hasher was presented with an even slipperier ascent. 

 

Those at the back, Well Hopped and Red Rum were on a tractionless incline and had to engage "rear assist" which Fukarewe was only too pleased to administer. Miss'ing avoided "rear assist" by adopting a Gandolph style staff fashioned from a log. Smellie simply engaged rear and 'backtracked' in order to avoid the precipitous incline. This resulted in her being last back to the pub.

 

At the top of the vertiginous obstacle, Poacher was giving everyone a helping hand whilst being stabilised himself by Psycho. Eager to help out, the Pig reached out to stabilise Psycho whist simultaneously engaging rear. Oh what a to do! Eventually, all were safely back on a main track and heading towards Easterfield Lane. Well, not quite all. Smellie wasn't seen again until the On-Down.

Poacher promised that Ha Ha's and Fish Hooks would slow down the FRB's but I don't recall seeing either. Nonetheless, the trail took us along Easterfield Lane and then to our final Long/Short split just inside Wocky National Park which is partially a BMX track. The Longs followed two edges of the park before crossing a couple of stiles and navigating a short length of woodland before a diagonal traverse across the King George V Recreation Ground.

 

The dots guided us along St Marychurch Road and towards the On-Down. Shirley we couldn't be returning to the pub already; only 1.95 miles? But the more dots we found, the closer we got to the bar (so not all bad). We cantered along the lower part of Hartop Road until we came across the OH at its junction with Cambridge Road. Left at Park Road and we were Home.

 

Short but undoubtedly adventurous. Nevertheless, Wet-Johnny, Beefy and Pisswell did another loop to get some miles in.

 

Down-Downs

On entering the pub, a wonderful sight to behold. Teapot was already ensconced with Wetfart. Teapot had had a quiet but very pleasant Christmas and New Year which was good to hear. He was also delighted to be back with the Hash and back at one of our favourite pubs.

 

The pub itself is under new management and this was the first time that they had encountered the Hash and the concept of Down-Downs and singing. Fortunately, some things do not change and the pub's tradition of jazz on the second Monday of each month continues. In the bar opposite, a jazz band was playing and they were rather good. So good that Bluebird and the Pig finished off the evening in the other bar, just catching their last number.

 

We waited for an interlude in the band's performance before proceeding with the Down-Downs. We explained what we were about to do and both the pub and the band were very accommodating.

So who has an Award and a story?

 

Satnav is the first up. She has the Hashshit shirt. This she gives to Man-Pig for opportunistic and uninvited groping on trail. In so doing robs Psycho of her story. The Pig comes up with some feeble excuse along the lines that he was now on a mission to secure this year's new award from grooming. Hmmmmmmmm. Whilst the Pig gulps, Beefy pipes up with, "He doesn't kiss the girls anymore. He likes them nice and hairy......."

 

Well, the groping doesn't stop there. Roger the Dodger has the horned hat. This he awards to Fukarewe for double groping. The second Long/Short slope proved too challenging for some and the "rear assist" from Fukarewe had now come back to haunt him. A note for the double groper.

 

There was definitely a common thread running through the evening's awards and it didn't stop with Fukarewe. Where there's a groper there will also be the groped. Poacher awards the Checking Chicken hat to Red Rum for commissioning "rear assist" from Fukarewe. Will it never end?

 

That second Long was a bugger. Psycho has the Jester's hat. This goes to Well Hopped for a litany of faults on trail, particularly the slippery incline. On the downhill section of the Long's loop there was a refusal at the first fence (4 points), poor traction control (lost time) and general inability to select diff lock and hill ascent mode on a Poacher trail (lost more time). No medals for Well Hopped this week.

Finally, there is a Down-Down (but I don't think an Award) for Pisswell. This is for unashamed canvassing, vote rigging and gerrymandering ahead of the Awards' Night. A note for the infamous gerrymanderer, "Dame Shirley Porter".

 

The evening was finished off with the Hare providing pizza and chips for the Hash. So, "Thankyou Poacher" for a challenging and entertaining trail and, additionally, for the scoff.

 

Just before leaving, the landlady thanked us for coming and hoped that we would come again. I'm sure we will.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Park Inn, Kingskerswell with Shitfaced and Friends.

 

On-On to next week. MP.

 

Postscript

I spent Saturday afternoon watching the Exeter Chiefs' match in the Railway Inn. Part way through the match about 20 people turned up in running gear and started watching the game and supping a couple of pints. I had initially thought that they were cyclists until one announced, "Runners. Five minute warning". This sounded rather Hash-like so I buttonholed one of the runners.

"Which running group are you from?"

"We're not runners. Just a group of friends from Shaldon. We decided we'd start the year by being dropped off at Haytor and run back to Shaldon via a couple of pubs. We've already had a beer in Bovey and our next stop is Coombe Cellars".

 

This sounds just like a Hash to me. I'm afraid that I didn't get his name or the chance to discuss Hashing. Most of these guys were in their 40's or 50's but with a couple of youngsters too. So, if any of you think that you might know these folk, please make contact and invite them along to TVH3. Remember, this year there's a Groomer's Award!

 

Post postscript BB

With so many 'gropers' awards being dished out, there was a story that was missed. Whilst attending the bar, I was joined by Coldtits who was clutching a miniature urn - no quips please - in her tiny mitt. She buttonholed the barman and asked if she could buy said urn. Quite naturally, the barman was perplexed.

Patiently, Coldtits explained that she had espied the urn in the ladies and seen a price tag on the base, and she had thought it was, albeit on show in an unlikely environment, for sale. It Shirley was not, replied the barman. Oh well, thought Coldtits, it was worth a try.

 

Preparing for a DD, I asked the barman if I could borrow the urn for a moment to show the hashers. By now, the barman had grown suspicious of this tall story (about seven inches tall in fact) and placed the object out of reach behind the bar. Pity.

 

Didulikethat? No? Well please yourselves then.

CROWN & SCEPTRE

 

Run #2058 Monday 13th January 7:15 pm from the Crown & Sceptre 2 Petitor Rd, St Marychurch, Torquay TQ1 4QA with Poacher.

Run #1952 16th January 2023 was the last time we visited this olde hostelry, when a pint was £3.40 and the hash fare was scampi and chips at £3.75. Ahh, those were the days, Shirley.

The standard blurb re parking now follows, although it is a futile exercise as hashers have ignored common sense over the years and insist on trying to get a space in the pub's miniscule car park at the last minute. Sigh.

However, herewegogo. Great time and effort has been (fruitlessly) expended in compiling the map below.

The map shows possible (local knowledge) spaces but your best bet would be to find a space down in St Marychurch itself near the Cooperative stores (marked as CO-OP within a red circle). It's only about 200 yards away from the pub.