A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

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#1812 on Mon 16th Sept:

Circle 7:15 at Venford Reservoir (TQ13 7SS) OD Forest Inn Hexworthy Hare Pisswell.
Nearest postcode will not be the exact spot at Venford Res. go over Dam bridge to this Car Park
REMEMBER TO BRING A TORCH!!

1811th Trail from The Park Inn

T.Humpers Birthday...
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QUITE SIMPLY A BIRTHDAY HASH FROM THE HOME OF HASHING

Run #1811 Monday 9th September from the Park Inn, Kingskerswell with T Humper (A 9919 dateline as recalled by the Artful Dogger)

The perennial hash riddle drifted through my mind as I tried hard to keep Runner Bean in sight in the last two miles of the run: What is mightier oh hash brethren, the trail or the On Down? The ditherers would say both are equal but on this particular night my vote was Shirley for the inspired trail set in such demanding circumstances - and I think a few of us out there thought the same, Oh Dearly Melon Picker Excepted...

'I was misinformed, I thought the trail would have been about half a mile!' quoth Manpig post hash and yes, it was quite a surprise that T Humper and Shitfaced managed to lay any trail of substance following the weekend 40th Birthday celebrations.

Adding to the difficulties, the rain had arrived, and a daunting task lay [sic] ahead for the hares but what a triumph the trail proved to be, so back to the beginning to fill in the details oh Dearly Devoted...

Circle roll: GM Shitfaced, T Humper, Never Wet, Getting Wet, I-Poo'd, Flasher, Runner Bean, Plonker, Artful Dogger, Beefy, Winfield, Teapot, Piltdown, Georgy, Manpig, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Doris, Rambo, 3Sum, SatNav, Wigwam, GaGa 4it, Triple Jump, Footloose, Nikki and virgin Mark, Coldtits, Fallen Woman, Able, Pisswell, 69, Soapy, Melon Picker, Libby, Compo, U Bend, Archangel, SM Ellie, Dan, Holly, Zoot, Hotlips, Paraprick (gave a lift to some sorely pressed shorts so unsure whether he partook of any of the run), Woof Woof, BB.

A goodly turnout of some forty seven party goers with Bobby 'dead leg' Woll managing to drive his Panzer over for the beer (Bobby, as the Panzer isn't converted to drive on beer - No? Well...) and finally return the Vampire Bat Hat.

Grandly did the Grand Master introduce the evening's fare with the grandiloquent* statement: 'Welcome to the Park Inn - the home of hashing!' and the sages wisely nodded and muttered approval.

The usual shenanigans at the circle saw GaGa 4it present and duly assist the GM back into his weekend jester costume as the FRBs got twitchy, adjusting head torches and footwear for the upcoming Fray Bentos.

Three trails accommodating walkers, shorts and longs and we were directed left from the car park to start the adventure.

The usual suspects (Beefy, Flasher, Plonker, Artful Dogger, Runner Bean) were, as usual, on a mission and led us up to the quarries turn off. We were already strung out From Here to Eternity and the first climb did further damage. Fortunately for the languishing longs, the FRBs contrived to miss the hard a starboard turn from Milber lane into Castle Plantation and careered into a housing estate before backtracking to find the trail true.

The beneficiaries of the blunder were encountered as we hit the playing fields and time for a bit of chitchat as the pecking order was re-established. Manpig was suffering from the weekend activities and was firing on one cylinder but still gave it his best shot in vain pursuit alongside Woof Woof.

Just after the playing fields and there was confusion over a L/S split - the result being that a band of hashers comprising Winfield, Fallen Woman, U Bend and Melon Picker and also Coldtits (I think) inadvertently strayed onto the 10K long trail. However, all had more than enough ability to cope with the imposition. Coldtits covered seven miles plus and recorded her second longest run - richly deserving a DD nomination.

Wasn't that a pretty little Christmas light festooned cottage? No time to admire the scenery though as the FRBs were tauntingly calling up ahead and with red visors down, Artful Dogger, Manpig, Woof Woof, Dan and Holly kept on trucking, down, way way blessed down the rough path. Coming back on ourselves, a trail of Hey ho, off to work we go lights could be seen and jolly messages of encouragement could be shouted across the divide. A cry of lament from the festooned cottage drifted downwards: 'Bluebird, are we still on the short? (!)' No Dad, I don't think so!

Through a gloomy gorge we struggled, valley of the shade of death' - interspersed with knee tickling stinging nettles and mightily invigorating they were though Runner Bean was not quite so enthusiastic.

If it hadn't been for Runner Bean faithfully calling up ahead, I would have gone astray on more than one occasion and would even have missed the entry (and exit!). to the famous cabbage field.

Back at the 'Home of Hashing' and Park 'n' Ride had thoughtfully put out some towels for us to dry ourselves off - what a nice touch and I believe a TVH first, bravo!

Artful Dogger enquired if we had noticed the doggers in the lay by close to the OH. A gleeful guffaw at his Strava comment which I may not be at liberty to re-post.

Towels none for our feted RA Manpig, who set off for a quick wash and brush up at his nearby chateau before returning to do the bizzo.
The Ferryman was my ale of choice but I nearly OD'd on the giant grab bags of Quavers - Park 'n' Ride becoming suspicious after my third bag.

Thanks are due to the hares T Humper and Grand Master, I-Poo'd (varied alcoholic laced fudges - praised by all) and our thoughtful host Park 'n' Ride. A Birthday Hash sans pareil. Olé!

*I cannot recall ever using grand, grandly and grandiloquent together before.

Over to you Winfield:

WINFIELD'S WISDOM & AWARDS
Where after a dry start there was rain later, with the Hares 3+ miles Short turning into a nearly 6+ run after U-Bend, Mellon Picker, Fallen Woman, and I managed to transfer to the Long trail just after those playing fields!
We joked about the Longs having to run uphill from Haccombe only to find ourselves climbing the same route later! Woods tracks rocks cabbage fields, we had it all with Fallen Woman now wishing we had a taxi just as Paraprick's car pulled up saving us those last few miles.
Back at the Park the party was now in full swing with plenty of good food, alcoholic sweets and excellent cake plus a few shots after, we had soon forgotten that unexpected Long experience!

Well done T.Humper for a great trail! all of those special drinks and very tasty cake!

Awards on T.Humper's extravaganza evening were presented to....
T.Humper a shot Birthday song and DD.
Paraprick thanks for giving a lift to needy Hashers
Nickie for no response to a toot toot! but Mark soon drank up instead!
Zoot a Birthday DD not but sure for what or when?
Dolly and King! a DD for that karaoke performance!

ON ON to next week and please note the revised Circle location at Venford Reservoir (TQ13 7SS) OD Forest Inn Hexworthy ( Pisswell)

Hash 1810 remembered...


That Mud ! There should have been another Hare? Hornie hits 500Runs

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HORNIE HITS 500, FIVE DEER A DASHING & AN OAP NEARLY MUGGED OUTSIDE THE PUB

Run #1810 Monday 2nd September from the Cridford Inn with Forrest

I contrived to get to the circle at the death and have assembled those present courtesy of Beefy's vid scan:

GM Shitfaced, Winfield, Teapot, Wetfart, Soapy & Melon Picker, Piltdown & Georgy, Pork Torpedo & Hornie, Pan Fart & Bush Baby (welcome back), U Bend, Archangel, Poacher (right pub tonight), Forrest, Bobby mit Panzer & Wigwam, Flasher, Runner Bean, Plonker, Ollie, SatNav, 3Sum, Klingon, Beefy, Popeye (long time absent), Manpig, SM Ellie, Dan, Holly, Paraprick, Rambo & Doris, Gaga4it, Triple Jump, 69, Twin Buffers, Compo (or did my eyes deceive me?), Jackie, Nikki, BB, Deep Semen and a late arriving Fukarwi - 44 hashers all told.

The body grows weary and I was still sorely hobbling, hobbit wise. Arriving earlier than expected at 6:30pm, I found the Cridford's car park almost empty and for a moment thought I might have done a Poacher, oh Dearly Whatamistakatomaka..

I therefore set off on a little walk to try and ease my aching legs. Half an hour later (7 pm) I found myself in a field high above Trusham and unsure how to get back. A warning from a farm hand who, like everyone in these parts knew 'Colin' (Forrest you fools) informed me that the calving had taken place and to 'run like f***' if they came after you! Oh deary me, not a good start.
After ducking and diving under wire and over fencing and assisting U Bend to change places with Archangel's chariot outside in the road, I made the circle just as Forrest was being summoned and mightily warmed up I was now for the forthcoming Fray Bentos.

'Will we need head torches?' came a plaintive cry from the serried ranks to which the wizened and wise hare retorted bluntly: 'Yes!' Let's think about it post trail, a Forrest trail deep in darkest [sic] Trusham and a sunset time of about 8 pm... The flying FRBs, mob-handed tonight, decided to risk it and go as a biscuit**...

And off we jolly well went Winfield and like a cork out of a bottle, Poacher and Cider legged it down to the village and must have known something as he hardly paused at the first check before careering straight on. The FRBs would only sight him later - much later..

Flasher and Co. were in their element on the country and soon had a clear advantage over the rest of the longs. The wily hare tempted and teased with checks next to the river but eventually we climbed past the Manor pub and onto a welcome (for me anyway) stretch of road before the pièce de résistance of the trail - the great ascent to Pigeon Copse.

By now, the checks had done their job of slowing the advance guard down to enable the longs - and roving reporter Beefy from far back as is his wont - to come together. Soon to be named Ollie called us onto the climb and, oh boy, what a crackerjack it was. Turning a corner and there it unfolded to our jaw-dropping eyes - a veritable majestic, Guns of Navarone, concrete-clad climb to the copse.

Halfway up, I turned to see the ant-sized longs below. There was Beefy, Manpig, Dan and Holly - she can run a bit that hasherette*. An FRB tried to encourage Manpig, shouting: 'You're slacking!' and the conqueror of Sunday's Red Rock Mud Run duly responded. However, the hare hadn't finished with us yet and a cry from Flasher informed us of another test: 'There's a ruddy great puddle!' and a stretch of shoe-devouring mud called us to its clammy embrace.

Onto the tarmac and there was Forrest with the good news - 'Only two miles to go unless you want to cut short...' The gladiators sniffed disdainfully and legged it down the lane. Popeye (welcome back son) had appeared from nowhere and was duking it out with Dan, Holly and Manpig.

After about four miles of unbridled fun, the trail went cold on us. We searched in vain but after a few minutes and in the fast fading light, we backtracked and found salvation, hurdling the electrified wire breaks, fleeing for the Leg End and the bar.
Magical indeed was the sight of five deer a dashing across the meadow in the twilight in front of Manpig and me in the closing stages of another great trail by Forrest.

There was a nasty incident a hundred yards from the Cridford Inn when two figures appeared out of the darkness and tried to mug an unsuspecting OAP. Fortunately, he just made it to the safety of the crowded car park and the assailants were thwarted in their dastardly deed.***

Back at the Cridford and wild stories were circulating. SM Ellie had heard that the long was TEN miles and she was glad she hadn't done that; Winfield had somehow got caught up with the longs and had been carried away with them; U Bend had barely escaped with his life after being menaced by a herd of wild steers out in cowboy country and there was a vicious rumour circulating that 69 had cadged a lift with G-string somewhere out on the trail - Shirley a case of mistaken identity. Oh deary me, what a palaver.

Highlights of the awards out on the terrace (last throw of summer?) were Hornie's 500 run badge (love and kisses) and an inspired naming of young Ollie by Pork Torpedo. It was Ollie's first day at work and the Artful Dogger hash handle was a classic to live with him forever.
* A newly coined term for a harriet inspired by our Grand Master at the downdowns.

** There was a young man from Bengal who went to a fancy dress ball, He decided to risk it and went as a biscuit but a dog ate him up in the hall - No? Well please....
*** Your timing was spot on Fukarwi and Deep Semen - if I hadn't heard you chatting, you'd have had me!

WINFIELD'S WISDOM & AWARDS
Some memories on our Trail 1810 from The Cridford Inn Trusham with Hare Forrest Stump.
This was meant to be a Birthday Trail with both Hares, but in the end it was just Forrest who laid a testing trail, up across the scenic countryside, with hills, riverside, woodland and of course mud! which I remembered well as I washed off my trainers this morning. A great run where I even found myself back enjoying the Long! Excellent beers and spaghetti bolognaise awaited us at the pub. There was plenty of mud, but also great views before darkness descended Well done Forrest for another great trail!

The Awards were presented to the following offenders :-
Oliver now for ever to be known as Artful Dogger
U-Bend who was scared of the cows!
Hornie who at last received her 500Runs badge.
3Sum. for causing a draught with her new eyelashes!
Bobbiball who got wet to claim a free pint at the Mud Run
To Forrest and Poacher a joint Birthday DD, but not for helping Forrest.

On-On to next week at The Park Inn Kingskerswell (TQ12 5BQ) A Birthday Hash for T.Humper.
Remember to bring torches!

ABOVE AND WELL BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY

Run #1809 Monday 26th August from Staverton railway station with Beefy

Bank holidays can throw the proverbial spanner in the works with attendance (the record all-time low of three: One hasher and two hares!) but, nevertheless, a solid number made the snug railway car park on Monday for Beefy's eagerly anticipated trail and swim with supporting ales in the station OD.

Good to see Ollie (senior hasher) and Paraprick at the circle with Triple Jump, Holly and Dan introducing more newbies into the fold. Forrest had discovered an early Dickhead Hat - now rather hash politically incorrect - eliciting gasps of dismay (or envy?) from some harriets. Apparently it had been found discarded and forgotten in Wood Lend's room - missing for quite a few years!

No Teapot (holiday) or Piltdown so the roll here becomes official: GM Shitfaced, Beefy, Forrest, Fallen Woman, Runner Bean, Plonker, Flasher, Manpig, Fukarwi, Prickly Bush, BroadS, Winfield, Rambo, Doris, Triple Jump, Ga Ga 4It, SatNav, 3Sum,T Humper, I-Poo'd, Slip on Me, Getting Wet, Never Wet, Just Cummin', Holly, Dan, the nam-ed Ollie of old, U Bend, Wigwam, Paraprick, BB and three virgins: Samantha, little Ollie and Ellie. (34)

Runner Bean knew the GM's railwayana question and Manpig elucidated an upcoming 'running' event - the mud race across the Teign from Combe Cellars (Sunday September 1st). If slow motion walking - you can't run it - in knee deep Teign mud is your delight, don't miss it! I still have vivid memories of doing it thirty or so years ago. Only 800 metres but a great leveller - running ability goes out the window!
The waterproof housing on my new cam was effective but I found out later that holding it in your hand not only doesn't work but also nearly caused my demise at the swim. More on that later...

Beefy gave out the details of his trail which included no less than five L/S splits, a walkers' route and what was to be an ill-fated SS. What we didn't know at the time was that Beefy had encountered severe problems laying the trail earlier in the day. Marks had been interfered with and Beefy had covered a remarkable fifteen miles (over four hours) double trail laying and trying to reinstate marks.

Oblivious to the hare's travails, we legged it over the level crossing and up to North Wood. The speed machines that are Flasher, Plonker and Runner Bean were already merrily clear and with the red mist visors down would have missed a road chalked fish hook but for Beefy calling them back, HA! Unfortunately, my triumph was short-lived as the number 8 was incorporated which included the other usual front running suspects and back we trekked, heads held low like naughty children.

Released once more, Flasher and Co. soon restored normal service and climbed effortlessly up the first trail ascent. I was just making a note that U Bend was going well up the gradient when he came to a juddering halt - but never mind, God loves a trier. Around a bend and there were the lads once more, looking somewhat bemused. The reason for the hiatus became clear when I saw the latest creation of the hare - a HA HA and arrow indicating that we return onto the short trail before finding the long. Oh well, at least it's back downhill now..

Up ahead we saw the back markers of the shorts and walkers as we veered right and up another incline. The marks were still clear and being diligently kicked out but I still managed to misinterpret the direction and found myself alone with a series of crosses barring the way. Eventually I was reunited with BroadS, Manpig and Fukarwi and our combined field craft got us back on trail. We encountered Flasher ahead but as we started to follow he shouted out that we had missed a loop of the trail and had to complete. In the pre-Strava days, I might have ignored the extra yardage but the all-seeing GPS now precluded such cavalier (sneaky) actions.

The old firm was finally together once more and most enjoyable the gentler pace was as we coursed from check to check. Manpig caught on that I was on a roll (everything I shouted was wrong) and ignored every call with loud sniggers coming from the gallery (Fukarwi and BroadS). Some way ahead, we caught glimpses of Senior Ollie and dogs which gave us some help when marks went missing. Round and round, but ever closing with the river, we went until cries of jollity could be heard nearby. Out of the darkening woods we emerged to find the party dip in full swing [sic].

Wading into the inky black pool, I had a yen for a swing and started across only to find that it got very deep halfway across. I started to doggy paddle (holding cam in one hand so couldn't swim) but unexpectedly an adverse current halted my slow progress. Suddenly I got into difficulties and for a brief moment thought I was going under but just managed to get back into shallower water. Just as well, as if I had disappeared, hashers might have thought I was fooling about (Shirley not) and might not have come to the aid of my party [sic]. I must sadly admit that, just as my namesake, water is a dangerous thing for me...

A short run back home and the beer beckoned Beefy..

At £3 a pint there were still a few beers to sample and the good 'ol' boys plumped for the Deverill's Advocate 4.5 abv. A TVH grub table was set up in the entrance outside, the offerings most generously provided by most present. I hadn't brought anything and felt guilty taking a plate of the GM's tasty pasta; huge thank you to everyone that did take the trouble of bringing something along to share.

WINFIELD'S WISDOM & AWARDS
A great trail laid through the woodlands and beside the very scenic river Dart, although someone messed up the trail to the Sweet Stop! there was still much to enjoy at the river crossing and later back at the Station with plenty of beer to choose from and a wide excellent food selection donated by the Pack

The Awards from Run 1809 were presented to the following offenders ....
Forrest to Just Coming for stealing? his phone!
Just Coming to Forrest Stump for losing! his phone.
Shit Faced for peeing up stream of us in the river!.
Forrest for (running in a football boot) was presented with a found shoe!
Our Virgin Hasher is named on her first run Footloose for wearing flip flops!
Beefy a free drink after the excellent evening well done!

After the run, Beefy explained why we hadn't got to the SS. The marks leading to it had been sabotaged (again), leaving Beefy waiting forlornly for hashers to arrive. After all his considerable efforts, he was understandingly upset but it hadn't spoiled the enjoyment of all hashers on the evening. Our hares do sterling service for us every week, but I think you will agree that Beefy's efforts were above and well beyond the call of duty. Thank you, Beefy, good job.

On-On to next week at The Cridford Inn Trusham ( TQ13 0NR) Birthday Hash (Forrest & Poacher)

MEMORIES FROM TRAIL 1808 at BRIXHAM

The view towards Berry Head and looking towards Man Sands with Twin Buffers and her injured finger
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SOMERSAULT OLLIE, TOUR DE FRANCE CLIMBS & DORIS KNOWS A THING OR THOUSAND

Run #1808 Monday 19th August from Brixham Rugby Club with Wigwam & Bobbiball
 
Blessed we are with the seemingly endless succession of epic trails for TVH. I try vainly to avoid the word, fearing to lessen its impact but Monday's trail was another epic indeed.
 
Still awaiting a replacement cam (it did arrive at Sainsbury's at 5:30 pm but too late to pick up) I am indebted to Beefy's video scan to reveal those present at the circle. Nary RA or RA Organizer sighted but a Penner chariot brought Wet Johnny and Manopause back out to play and quite a few others including:
 
Piltdown, Georgie & Rambo in their yellow submarine chariot (I tried to show them the scenic way through the town but they preferred the direct route); GM Shitfaced, Winfield, 'Poles' Piddler, Going Down, SatNav, 3Sum, Jackie, Beefy, Wiggy & Bobby, Mrs S, Doris, Only Here, Slip on Me, Libby, Linda, Hollie, Dan, Hotlips & Zoot, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Getting Wet & Never Wet, Fukarwi, Coldtits, Pork Torpedo & Hornie, Wetfart, Flasher, Plonker, Ollie, Triple Jump, Twin Buffers, Hotlips, Zoot, Melon Picker, Soapy, 69, BB, Poacher, Archangel and Klingon. I might have missed out one or two but made it close to the fifty mark once more.
 
The Rugby club CP was soon overwhelm-ed with chariots from afar (quite a drive over the bay to Brixham so well done all) but most secured a place by utilising the overflow section at the back of the club.
 
All the FRBs wanted to know was the distance for the longs and with these warriors of old, we knew we wouldn't be disappointed - a six plus miler to whet our appetites. A short and walkers' trail was mentioned as well as an exotic SS.
 
It's the mad moments on trail that are neither seen nor recognized that are worthy of mention in the words at least. Such a moment was the immediate somersault by Ollie over Poacher's dog lead. Pretty good going after only five yards of running! But never mind, the FRBs were straight onto the bunny and no silly attempts at keeping the pack together as there would be many an opportunity to do so in the trail right up to the SS.
 
No messing about either as we hightailed it straight to the Berry Head Nature Reserve with good clean running and, for now, flat terrain as promised...
 
An early casualty was Poacher who lurched forward and stopped with a sudden back spasm and was forced to return to base. Fortunately, no lasting damage and he soon recovered after taking a cider infusion (the drink - not the dog!).
 
We came across Going Down, SatNav and Linda (I think) who thought they'd gone Pete Tong when they saw the longs charging towards them but were in fact on trail.
 
Catching an unfortunate blow from an overhanging branch, I was lucky to be able to continue relatively unscathed. The (fruitless) pursuit of Plonker and Flasher made me desperate and I was sav-ed from further damage when Hornie caught me as I careered down the side of a hedge. Another casualty appeared to be Twin Buffers who brandished a bleeding hand at a photo op with SatNav and Coldtits.
 
And there was Coldtits, striding out in her usual determined fashion with Piltdown, Georgy and pooch considerately sidestepping to let us pass. Then the SS mark appeared on a corner and a little further up the path (to Sharkham Point CP) there unfolded a swaying mass of good time hashers tucking in to the Port & cheese and added refreshments.
 
The FRBs had a brief discussion and decided to give BB a head start out onto the next stage of the run as he was clearly having a bit of a sulk at being left behind. Beefy remained to take some more snaps.
 
A check materialised immediately and with fervent hope, the Bird chose left. Rounding the corner and there was Doris - Shirley I'm on a winner as Doris knows a thing or thousand? YES, we were only ON and thanking Doris, the Bird fled.
 
Flasher, Plonker and Ollie soon caught up again and drifted away leaving me alone to ponder the wisdom of chasing the youngsters. Poor Fukarwi was also privately bemoaning his fate of losing his usual running buddies (Manpig absent) and amused himself by statue staring en route. The Tour de France style S bends ascent to South Down Cliff was 'invigorating' and I only twigged late on (as did Manopause and WJ) that you could cut through the hedge on most of the turns.
 
At the summit a glorious vista unfolded that brought a tear of joy to mine eyes - the Man Sands peninsula. My first thought was of regret that only the longs would see this beautiful sight. But never mind, the fearsome descent to Man Sands was jarring; one slip and a stretcher would be needed to carry you back to the bar. At the bottom, Flasher, Ollie and Plonker were waiting and they seemed to know the way back past the mini lakes. Just as we set off, the main body of longs hove into view: Beefy, Dan, Fukarwi, Manopause and WJ and I wondered what resources I had left to stay in the game.
 
Fortunately, the long climb out of Man Sands assisted as well as Flasher and Plonker checking and calling but by the summit Beefy had appeared in the rear view mirror and the band of five merrily stampeded down the lanes in the fast gathering gloom - Beefy using his phone light to assist.
The run for home took us into a myriad network of urban roads with many a twist and turn before bundling us back into the Rugby club CP. 
Show me the bar...
 
Twilight now reigned, a salutary reminder that summer is nigh gone already and perhaps time to dig out the head torches.
 
By the time I got to the bar, the Proper Job had gone, gone forever! so the consolation prize was Tribute with a foaming head but it still hit the spot after that magnificent thirst inducing trail. A family atmosphere prevailed with Poacher and T Humper playing pool and Pork Torpedo enlisted to do the downdowns after the hash grub - at £3 agogo - was dispensed.
 
I was surprised to see Flasher, Plonker and Ollie go outside and thought
 they had mistakenly assumed the DDs were outside (as last week) but it transpired that they were directed to the outside tap when they asked for a glass of water!
 
The verdict of the evening is in and the hares have been found guilty of providing an alarmingly good run and après trail entertainment at the Brixham Rugby Club. But in all seriousness (?) the longs were rewarded with a wonderfully panoramic and testing trail - I cannot recall ever going out as far as Man Sands before - what a treat, thanks Wiggy and Bob.
 
WINFIELD'S WISDOM & AWARDS
A great trail with many fantastic views, an excellent Port & Cheese stop, followed by some testing running for those FRB'S AND well received at the Rugby Club with excellent refreshments.
Awards from the evening were presented to....
Hollie for not changing after that long run!
Poacher for being beaten by T.Humper at pool
Naming Linda, now for ever to be known as Ga-Ga 4it
Manopause offered a kiss behind! at the kissing gate?
Hare Wigwam a DD reward? for an excellent evening!
Very well done to both Hares!
 
On-On to Staverton Railway Station TQ9 6AG next week. Please remember to bring food to share and a change of shoes!! Fingers tightly crossed, the Bank Holiday Monday weather looks very good.

A TRAIL TO REMEMBER. LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE & THERE'S NO WELCOME AT THE INN

Run #1807 from Newbridge CP, OD the Tavistock Inn with Poacher & 69

Still faithfully recording, the tiny cam tumbled over and over in the savage river current, dashing against smooth rocks formed countless aeons ago.

A darker missive might have been composed, such were the unworthy thoughts that percolated my restless dreams of Monday night. I relived the awful moments over again in my tormented mind. 'I've got footage that you'd pay to see....Do I look like a Wally....Oh, it's gone, gone forever..'

Words nearly fail me. Fate's fickle finger struck once more Monday evening from the wicked wilds of Buckland in the Moor on the eastern tip of the miserable moor. Oh pardon me my melancholic words, but I fear that I have been made bitter by my tragic loss.
Nevertheless, I shall attempt to relate my sorry saga for those that were not there to bear witness to the calamity.

Being somewhat inconvenienced, and snigger you not, my dim recall of those at the car park of unrelenting doom herewith follows and my apologies for the inevitable omissions:

The Grand Master Himself and his faithful retinue of Parkies - T Humper, I-Poo'd, Getting Wet, Never Wet, Just Cummin' and Spike; Beefy sans equipment - another portent of doom, never happened before and he had to borrow the GM's phone to operate; Forrest with a chariot packed with relatives (of which denomination I know not) a tiny lad and, unless Forrest was pulling my leg, a certain broad in the beam gentleman (you never know if you may unwittingly cause offence and suffer repercussions later) allegedly hash-named Blondie Wonder - I know, but apparently he was thus nam-ed when but a tot...

I digress already, so back to the Players of this Shakespearean tragedy:

Soapy & Melon Picker, Pork Torpedo & Hornie, Piltdown & Georgy, Rambo & Doris, U Bend, Runner Bean, Ollie, SM Ellie, Wiggy, Bobby Brawl*, Archangel, Coldtits, Hagen Daz & Budgie Smuggler, Whisperer, Fukarwi, 3Sum, SatNav, Slip on Me, Only Here, Manpig, Teapot, a returning Dan with Ned, Winfield, Wetfart, Linda, Able, Hotlips & Zoot, various tiny tots and lastly, the authors of the dastardly deed most foul - Poacher and his side-kick 69. The official roll was called at four score so I haven't done too badly. BroadS was recovering from his first half marathon at Bridport on Sunday but the Penners and Pan Fart/Bush Baby are still missing in action - it's only been a fortnight but we miss you already.

The harbingers of doom continued to mount with Piltdown's pre-circle announcement that the car park was fee paying until 8 pm (WHAT?) and we could take our chances or cough up two squid. Not being a fan of feeding meters, whatever their calling, I repaired my silver chariot across the bridge and into the last free slot, reassuringly cctv protected, before dancing gaily (I was still full of misguided hope) back in time to hear the Poacher preaching to the unsuspecting - longs that is as the shorts were to get off scot-free and reportedly had a gay old time of it in the bogs and tick-laden countryside... Well, slappeth my wrist, I am still drifting into melancholy and we haven't started yet..

The hares were determined to keep the show together - to the point that we had barely covered half a mile after a quarter of an hour. We can all agree what Poacher's reaction would have been if this had happened to him on trail, but never mind, many liked the social togetherness and 'harmony' though the FRBs bit their lips and waited to be set free of their shackles. Mention should be made of Hagen Daz's lamentable call of on on when he had in fact only sighted two pieces of tissue paper - I wouldn't have dobbed him in but there was one close by with a horse's head hat lurking with narrowed eyes. I cannot name the miscreant as I fear he has it infamy [sic - obviously].
Eventually Poacher reluctantly relented and live laying, put the arrow down and the FRBs fled - only to be hampered by an iniquitous 'fish hook' with a 3. For those unacquainted with the hash legend, it meant that the first three hashers to reach the mark had to turn and go back to the end of the line. HA! That'll be the day... Poor Whisperer (playing the game, what a leg end) was heavily inconvenienced by the mischievous mechanism.

At the VP (was that you Wiggy atop the high rocks?) and pretty sketching courtesy of 69, we briefly paused before legging it out into the boondocks and a succession of checks with Beefy, Runner Bean, Ollie and Fukarwi doing sterling service checking them out.
The usual band of cronies - Fukarwi, Manpig, Runner Bean, Ollie, Beefy and Forrest were joined by Dan (and muttley Ned) who looks like a natural on only his second appearance. There was also a little lad prancing alongside us but who he belonged to escapes me. Close behind, Pork Torpedo and Pisswell were keeping up with the action.

A blur of rocky, fern strewn descent was negotiated with Beefy struggling with the settings on the GM's phone to get footage until the gentle babbling sound of water alerted us to the proximity of the Dart. And yes, there it was to our left and a shout from a scout [sic] struck horror into my soul: 'River crossing!' My heart sank [double sic] as I recalled the Galmpton creek disaster and the death of my Acme cam (great evening that). On closer inspection, however, it didn't look that bad and over we all waded without much trouble... BUT... we were only halfway across, an island strip dividing the river and the second span was the main one with faster flowing currents - oh dear, oh dear, remember that bad feeling I had before the run, Dan and Fukarwi?

The crossing looked a little gentler upstream and with a fearsome (some say stupid) battle cry of 'Do I look like a Wally!' I attempted a solo crossing. All went well until there was barely five metres left and that's where it went horribly wrong. A slight slip and in a vain attempt to keep the cam dry (no waterproof housing) I lifted it aloft as I went chest high, then the current swept me away and the cam slipped from my nerveless grasp to be lost forever in the black depths of the Dart.

'GONE, GONE, GONE!' came the anguished cry but the others had their own problems and barely noticed. Beefy was having a torrid time keeping the GM's phone from the same fate and assisting Pisswell at the same time. Pork Torpedo was making slow headway across a little further down and Runner Bean, Manpig, Forrest and Fukarwi watched helplessly from the other side as the saga unfolded.
It did get a little more serious as the current carried me into the middle of the river and the fast moving white water. Possibly sensing the danger, Ollie entered the river to make sure I wasn't swept away to join my cam in the hereafter. I would have been very worried if it hadn't been for some strong hashers close at hand.

Well, worse things happen at sea and eventually, we all made it safely to the other side and it was a pleasant but soggy run back to the chariots. A trail to remember indeed!

Our On Down at the Tavistock Inn fully lived up to the alarming Trip Advisor reviews and I can only say that the gentleman serving us was unable to comprehend what hashing was all about. Arriving a little late as parking was limited as Soapy had warned, hashers were queuing outside the entrance and there were disgruntled shouts as I called to Bobby to get me a pint (thanks Bob). The Ringwood brewery offering of Boon Doggle was a strange one, I wasn't even sure it was a beer but once sampled, it could have been a mistaka to mix with something else.

All beers were at a reasonable £3.70 agogo and when the Avocet was finished, the solitary bartender was unable to get another on tap such was the madding throng.

Teapot was not happy with his visit to the bar to ask for the down down drinks. We appreciated that we would have to do the awards outside but the management apparently would have preferred if we hadn't done them at all and the Hash had to pay for the drinks. Suffice it to state that we would not be going back to the Tavistock Inn anytime soon. However, top marks for the hares arranging a visit,
something different wasn't it? A lovely old inn and management aside, most enjoyable to sup a pint within its atmospheric walls .

There may not have been a welcome at the inn but TVH were unfazed by it all and partied as usual outside on the terrace. The trail will be remembered by me for some time and the hares can justifiably be proud of their efforts.

Poach and 69, despite my ramblings and rants, done for effect as you probably know, I really did have a high old time of it out there. What an adventure to treasure for my remaining days. The cam was on its way out anyway so an upgrade will be welcome. Thanks lads!

WINFIELD'S WISDOM & AWARDS
The pair laid a devious route with plenty of false trails almost leading us through bogs, then on up with many great views and down, to the river Dart, which Bluebird managed to drop his camera into while crossing!. On after to the Tavistock Inn where the real "Basil Fawlty" was reluctant to serve anything!
But a great evening in spite of all of this with the Awards presented to ....
No 69 Joint hare held responsible for all of the shiggy etc!
JUST COMING for trying to kill the ticks by peeing in the bushes.
SLIP on ME saying "i'll have some of that"...but not meaning a DD!
BOBBIBALL renamed "Wee Bobbi" at the Away Event.
50 Runs Badges awarded to T.HUMPER and I'POOD
Finally the young Hashers were named
CHECKMATE and GOLDEN BALLS
one who chose our RA to drink up for him!
Well done the Hares!

* Bobby's bloodshot eye prompting a comment that he had been in a fight.

ON ON to next week and Brixham Rugby Club TQ5 9ED (Wigwam & Bobbiball)

INTRAVENOUS BEER DRIP, THE HILLS WERE ALIVE & THE EVERLASTING £20 NOTE

Run #1806 from the Red Rock Brewery, Bishopsteignton with Shitfaced & Only Here For The Beer

So back we came with a willing heart to the brewery with a welcome for the third edition* of 'a P**s up in a Brewery' and all the hares had to do was organize the proverbial. However, it was quite a bit harder than that as all hares very well know...

After perusing video footage (no, sadly I can't do it from memory Fukarwi) I could see nigh on fifty at the circle with a few stragglers arriving afterwards. Here, along with observation notes, are those I saw:

GM Shitfaced, Only Here, Winfield, Piltdown, U Bend, 'Poles' Piddler, Woof Woof (welcome back), Hagen Daz & Budgie Smuggler, SatNav, 3Sum (loved the flowery dress), Twinkletoes, Zorro, Rise n Shine, Manpig still standing after laying and running A2B, BroadS complete with some hi-tech equipment (intravenous beer drip) he was trialling for an upcoming half marathon, SM Ellie, Flasher back from injury, Beefy, Wiggy & Bobby wisely Panzerless but becycled, Rambo & Doris, Slip on Me, Libby, Linda, a trio of virgins: Holly, Brenda and Dan, Hotlips & Zoot, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Getting Wet & Never Wet, Just Cummin back from hols, Fukarwi in Daz bright tee shirt, Coldtits, Deep Semen & Hot Boiler (let out at last), BB, Forrest, Pork Torpedo & Hornie, Nikki, Able, Wetfart, Jackie, Kermit, Mateus Rose, Archangel.  Trust that Teapot and Runner Bean recover from their various ailments in time for next week.

Must admit to being somewhat bemused by the 'Brenda' question by Piltdown which BroadS knew all about.

Three trails were described by the hares, walkers about two, shorts three and five miles for the longs with one L/S split and marks on the right - nice and straightforward and off we went with Flasher leading as we turned out of the drive.

Lovely tarmac and downhill to get us going early on and Flasher drifted away to soon disappear from sight. Unfortunately, we didn't have the opportunity of seeing which way he went at the first check situated on Half a Leg corner.**  A quick consultation took place with newbies to the game Dan and Holly listening intently to see if they could make sense of it all.  The bat was loathe to continue up the rock strewn path, recalling the same point a year ago when Poacher was led astray by the same hare. 'On one!' was called but still a reluctant little huddle hesitated. 'I still say it isn't up there,' persisted the batty one. 'On two..... ON ON!' Drat and double drat. Pork Torpedo took great delight in the bat's batty radar and after eating a hefty slice of humble pie, we continued. 

I will give Fukarwi top marks for being able to keep running even on the steepest ascents but a hasher was able to overtake him walking - never mind old mate, you tried.

'You're going the Wong Wei!' shouted Bobby Lance*** who alarmingly appeared careering towards us downhill as we valiantly mountaineered. That was in very poor taste Bobby.

Our two Premier division hashers, Flasher and Beefy were scouting far ahead but the Division 1 team was forming up behind.  Hagen Daz is training up Budgie Smuggler and they can certainly go a bit; Manpig (I'd love to know what he was taking to still be able to run after Saturday's exertions); Fukarwi, BroadS still imbibing from drip and Zorro (AH3 mover of some renown) were duking it out;  Dan, Holly and Ned (the pooch) were keeping up with little difficulty and Forrest with Muttley in tow, made up the pursuers. I didn't find out who Woof Woof was running with - perhaps deep in conversation but she could easily have been up at the front with her talent.

A picturesque little wooded section was overgrown with trailing brambles ('little pricks' according to 3Sum) and BroadS was hurdling them with alacrity until I put the mockers on it by stating how impressed I was at his nimbleness. Sorry I dobbed you in my son, but it had to be done.

The trail was very well thought out and marked with great views out over the Teign and the longs were in hashing heaven.  The hills were alive [sic] to the joyous cries of delight -  particularly the last section climb from Great Furlong to Humber Lane - loved it hares and wanted more!  A trademark of a sound trail is the intermingling of the shorts and longs and this occurred on the climb to Humber Lane.
About fifty minutes trucking and five miles was perfect - a Five Star trail in my book and set us up nicely for the Red Rock beer (and pies).

You were lucky if you could find a seat in the Red Rock and there was an anxious queue at the bar. The pies proved popular - only one left after three dozen sold to replete hashers. An excellent (as always) atmosphere prevailed and Manpig orchestrated the downdown entertainment to perfection.  Always Wet heroically came to the aid of Never Wet when she faltered with her DD and Holly learnt to be careful with her observations on trail - there's always someone listening for a good story. Archangel reported that Only Here for the Beer is now Only Drinking Cider so perhaps he should be renamed Rosie - No? Well please....

I have to mention (mainly to remember for next time) my failure to spend anything on the night. No, it wasn't for the want of trying.  Manpig had kindly brought Fukarwi and me a pint out to the cars while we were changing which slipped down without touching the sides.  Fukarwi hatched a cunning plan to jointly go halves for a return round and then refused my £20!  A bit later the same happened with Wiggy and then to top it all, I couldn't even pay for a bag of crisps!  It's not very often you can have a great night out without spending a red cent! Next time lads.
WINFIELD'S WISDOM AND DOWNDOWNS
Hash 1806 at The Red Rock Brewery Bishopsteignton with Hares Shitfaced & Only Here for the Beer. The pair marched us up and up to little Haldon, then down down again, but it was good to see the Longs puffing past us after their route down to Bishopsteignton!
Awards for the evening were presented to...
VIRGIN Hasher HOLLY who pointed out Teignmouth when it was Bishopsteignton where she lives!
NEVER WET who failed to hear the ON ON call as she was wearing headphones!
THREE SUM in the bush said the Trail was full of " Little Pricks" ??
ONLY here for the BEER who was held responsible for THAT trail!.
A great trail and evening especially with the in demand pie's !! Thank you.

* Last time we visited:  #1781 Monday 11th February. 
** #1755 Mon 13th August from the Red Rock Brewery.
*** Armstrong!

We look forward to our next visit to the Red Rock, well done the hares!

ON ON to next week and Circle up from Newbridge CP Ashburton Dartmoor TQ13 7NT OD: TBC . (Poacher & No69)

TVH3 HABERDASHERY LINK

NEW MISMANAGEMENT & CONTACT TELS.

Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
Vice G M Winfield mobile 07855355338
On Sec Piltdown Man mobile 07773038756
R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
Hash Tax Satnav
Trail Raiser Doris
Haberdashery Zoot
Song Master Pork Torpedo
Social Sec T. Humper
Spider /Web Bluebird
Life President Pottsie
Vice President K C

HASH SUBS

HASH SUBS £25 and for your assistance you can now use the BACS payment system to pay please.
Details as follows.... Hash Account number 69068186 Sort code 55-70-01 NOTE you must use your HASH NAME as a reference. Many thanks Three-Some & Satnav

JESSE'S DD FROM THE TALLY HO!

EXPLANATION OF ARCHIVE TVH3 SITES

GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.

Fukarwi

Fukarwi

REARENDER

REARENDER

TEAPOT

TEAPOT

SOAPY

SOAPY

MOULDY DICK

MOULDY DICK

MELONPICKER

MELONPICKER

FALLEN WOMAN

FALLEN WOMAN

DORIS

DORIS

BROKEN MAN

BROKEN MAN

ARCHANGEL

ARCHANGEL

ABLE SEMEN

ABLE SEMEN

Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

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