A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

MAP AND MENU FOR MONDAY OCT 3



 

BILLY TWO HATS & A SCB MEETS A JCB

TVH3 The Words for 26th September 2022
 
Court Farm, Abbotskerswell
 
Run No. 1936 Strap-On & Ernie's virgin lay
 
HARES: Strap-On & Ernie
 
Who wuz there: Strap-On, Ernie, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Forrest-Stump, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Andy from the Park Inn (still to be named - not to be confused with Park 'n' Ride), Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Ablesemen, Beefy, Pisswell, Tamsin, Teapot, Wetfart, Roger the Dodger & friend, Zen Emptiness, Mateus Rose, Rise 'n' Shine and two virgins brought along by Andy from the Park Inn (sorry, forgot your names) and Strap-Dancer (pub only).
 
The Circle
The circle commenced with Smellie confirming that Pisswell had volunteered to lay the trail for 3rd October. It would be in Bovey Tracey somewhere. The On-Down had yet to be confirmed. The next date for which a hare was required was late October and then no further requirements till late November.
 
Before handing over to the Hares Man-Pig pleaded for a volunteer to do the Words - no takers but Bluebird allegedly put his hand up whilst standing behind me. Well volunteered!
Then it was over to our Hares. Well, it has to be said, for a virgin lay our two hares looked very relaxed. Strap-On had a pint in his hand....I doubt it was his first and he had decided that a seat at the bar was to be his next move. 
 
Ernie asked hashers to guess the number of checks and advised of a Long/Short contraflow system. Longs would be just over 7 miles....gasps all around. There would, additionally, be Shorts' and Walkers' trails.
 
The Trail (Longs) by Man-Pig
The trail took us out of the beer garden to the path that leads to the church. Here we turned immediately right and down onto Slade Lane near the post office.
 
At the junction with Wilton Way, we came to the first check which was also the only Long/Short split. The Longs headed up Wilton Way towards Court Farm before turning left down a ginnel and looping around and back onto Wilton Way.
 
Opposite the entrance to Court farm, the trail took us up a steep footpath towards the old RNIB college at Court Grange. Instead of bearing left and along the public footpath that traverses two fields, we continued along the entrance drive to Court Grange, eventually exiting back onto the top of Slade Lane. An obvious place for a check but there was none. Left along Slade Lane towards the Totnes Road - but only for a short while. Again an obvious place for a check but nothing. 
 
The Pig sensed that the trail may go left and down a track that leads past the caravan park at the back of Ruby Farm as Beefy checked ahead towards the Totnes Road.
'On-On!' called the Pig. It wasn't long before we hit the contra-flow system with the Shorts coming one way and the Longs the other.
 
The track ends at its junction with Whiddon Road. The Shorts' trail had also been marked with an arrow at this junction. The conclusion had to be that the check only applied to the Longs. A spot of checking out towards the Totnes Road revealed a cross. Back to the check to kick it out.
 
Running against the tide of oncoming Shorts, we arrived at a second check at Whiddon Cross. Beefy was not far behind. The Pig checked uphill along the road that forms the southern boundary to Dainton Golf course. Beefy, meanwhile, checked downhill towards Maddacombe Cross. The Pig found the third mark and returned to kick out the check. This was the last time that I'd see Beefy for the next two-and-a-half miles.
 
Up near Causeway Cross, the junction invited another check. Again, there was none. An arrow had us heading southeast in the general direction of Hunters Brewery. But it wasn't long before the dots ran out. Backtrack. Sure enough, a dot was spotted at the footpath that takes us across two fields and into Dainton. A few encouraging shouts of "On-On" but no response. Where was Beefy?
 
At Dainton - no check. I had a hunch that the trail would be left and towards the dead end that leads up to Milton Mator Common.
 
It wasn't long before an arrow was spotted on the right-hand side of the road. Where the road ends, a track-cum-footpath starts. At the first junction along the footpath, a check. Both paths lead to the Common. There is nowhere else to go. A check uphill ended with a cross. Back to the check. Kick it out and onto another check after only 100 yards. This time the trail did lead right, uphill through the woods and exiting onto the common. Brambles were thick and the path almost indiscernible. 
 
Up to this point, the marks had been excellent but none to be seen on the common. There is only one exit off the common and that is onto the footpath that runs along the top edge of Stoneycombe Quarry. Marks! We were back on trail.
 
After another 100 yards, a check. It proved to be straight on. 200 yards further along yet another check. Again straight on.....errr, well no....three dots and a cross! Back to the check and check out the stepped path that leads down to the back of Bickleigh Mill Inn. Yes indeed....three dots.
Back up to the viewi
ng point that overlooks the quarry and kick out the check.....again. A loud call of "On-On" was rewarded with a similar response. Quite close too. But I did not recognise the voice. It was female but not Pisswell.
 
I continued the descent down to Brook Cottage and kept calling "On-On". Again the same female response. By the time I reached the road at Brook Cottage, I decided to stop and find out the identity of my pursuer. It was Tamsin. She announced that Beefy and Pisswell were not far behind and that we were the only ones on the Long.
 
It was only a few seconds later that Pisswell and Beefy appeared. An arrow had us running past Stoneycombe Quarry to a check at Maddacombe Cross. It was then uphill to Greatoak Cross. The headlights of an approaching car reflected off something shiny on the side of the road. On close inspection, this turned out to be a flat-screen TV placed nicely at the edge of the road. it looked undamaged. Bizarre.
 
At the top of the hill, we arrived at Great Oak Cross where another arrow took us left towards Gullands Cross. At the first road junction, another arrow guided us into a field and along the footpath that eventually drops into Abbotskerswell behind the, currently closed, Butcher's Arms.
 
The OH sign had us returning to the pub along Wilton Way. A lot of road but a good old workout for the Longs. Good running by Tamsin and a great first effort by our virgin hares. Well done.
 
The Trail (Shorts) by BB
It started badly and then got worse. A woeful evening of bad decisions, bad luck and misadventure was in the offing. 
 
Are you sitting nice and comfy? Well, I shall elaborate, Oh Dearly Beloved and long suffering.
The omens were not good as the rat run over Milber was apparently closed to traffic although some were trying their luck - in the fond hope that workmen had gone home and passage might be attainable.
 
Not wishing to risk it and go as a biscuit, the frustrated Bird took the scenic route to Newton Abbot, eventually emerging by Sainsbury's by the Penn Inn. Whatever happened to the direct route?
 
Plumage slightly ruffled, the Bird made the circle at 7:20 but just in time. Immediately, Forrest enquired if I had a spare headlight as he had forgotten his. The fickle finger of fate faltered and then took straight aim at the hapless Bird.
 
It so happened that I did have a spare and I returned to mine chariot to fetch it. On returning, the circle call to arms bugle call was sounded. The hares delivered the spiel but alarm-ed was I to hear that the long was a murderous seven miles - Shirley A Bridge Too Far (1977) for the fragile carrier pigeon.
 
Just as the pack was released, I remembered that I hadn't locked the Chariot and back I fluttered to remedy the oversight. Then I thought up a cunning plan, so cunning that you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
 
Driving in, I had seen a L/S split on the corner and, being renowned as a SCB (short cutting Bird if you please) I legged it to the dot by the shutter-board ginnel and headed out for glory and perhaps a head start on the FRB's! As Rise 'n' Shine would comment later: 'Being clever and Bluebird clearly do not go together...'
 
A sequestered housing estate unfolded and gleefully did the Bird prance. Atop a short rise and the dots veered right and down the hill - back to the entrance to the Court Farm Inn!
Whatamistakatomaka!!
 
The air was befowled [sic you fools) and turned blue [on a roll sic] by the irate Bird and his demeanour was not improved as the hares emerged from the bar to comment: 'Hurry up BB, you won't catch them like that!' Oh the pain, the pain, the almost unbearable pain.
 
The Bird was far from finished and brought A Cunning Plan Mk 2 into play. Leg it up the alley behind the church and head 'em off at the pass - there were marks up by the main road after all.
Slightly disconcertingly, an OH mark appeared but then an S - HA! Back in the game but how far behind, that was the question.
 
A beautifully pristine check appeared by the Abbotskerswell village sign. Either I was somewhat perplexingly in front, or those sloppy shorts hadn't kicked it out - hmmmm. Choosing correctly, the trail was resumed, all on terra tarmac, which was a relief.
 
Now we come to the almost unbelievable part of the sad saga. You all recall the hairpin turn right at the bottom of a descent? Well, there was a gate immediately on the left and you could see Newton Abbot far below. As I passed, I saw several head torches in the distance. Gotcha!
About a hundred yards later, I made out a JCB with flashing light and several workers with head torches on! Relating the incident to Man-Pig and the hares, it hardly seemed plausible but, take a look at this link:
 
 
You will see that there were roadworks taking place that evening this side of Decoy Lake. A case of the SCB encountering a JCB - No? Well..
 
On I coursed, lonely as a cloud until, oh, oh, the OH - at 1.6 miles!
 
Back the Bird spurred like a madman, shouting a curse to the sky, with the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high!
 
Two head lights coming towards me, oh the shame, the shame. With head bowed, I shuffled past, muttering: 'Oh dear, oh dear.' I think it must have been Wet Johnny and Manopause who were the 'legal' frontrunners on the short.
 
The massed ranks of the Hallelujah chorus emerged from the gloom. Arkangel, Forrest & Muttley, SMellie, Zen (also torchless but relying on the throng), Rise 'n' Shine and Mateus Rose.
 
Back once more unto the breach, dear hashers.
 
Fifty seven minutes later and 4.4 miles on the clock, the Bird sang in BERKeley Square -no? Well please yourselves then.
 
An unprecedented 10 Pillock Points awarded.
 
Returning home, I decided to punch through over Milber and ignore the road closed signs. Shirley I could get through! Through one, two and three signs and confidence was high. And then, just below Plant World - the barrier of Ultimate Doom.
Just beyond it was a pair of headlights facing me. He flashed and I flashed back. What a pair of Wallies. Five point turn and back down to the Centrax turn-off and the Netherton lane back home.
 
What a Night it was, it Shirley was, Such a Night. Sigh...
 
The Down-Downs
First up was SMellie with Bluebell's Tina Turner wig! Absolutely outrageous! Loudly was she heckled from the cheap seats but SMellie was in (a) tent on awarding anyway. The follicly challenged were taunted - as had I by SMellie at the bar - but a virgin was selected and the similarity to Worzel Gummidge - with wig donned - was uncanny. 'Hold it in your hand' was savagely spewed out by Man-Pig and the raucous Bird.
 
Billy Two Hats (1974) aka Beefy with the Hashit Shirt and the Baby Bat hat was next on parade. The Baby Bat hat went to Ernie the co-hare with the DD song a quick burst of: 'Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west...'
 
The Hashit Shirt returned to the Teign Valley with Forrest - he of the missing torch. A note for the (un)enlightened one. I have no further comment..
 
A final half for the other co-hare and a virgin lay at that. Well done Strap-On!
 
Next week
Somewhere in Bovey Tracey with hare Pisswell. See the TVH3 Facebook page (and web page) for updates.
 
Now it's goodbye from me and goodbye from Man-Pig.
 
On-On to next week!

TVH3 The Words for 19th September 2022

The Rugglestone, Widecombe-in-the-Moor

Run No. 1935 Beefy's birthday hash
 
HARE: Beefy
 
Who wuz there: Beefy, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Pisswell, Fukarwe, Poacher, Will (virgin) & Duncan (virgin).
 
The Circle
It was a unique day. The pageantry, discipline, and choreography of Her Majesty's funeral were always going to make this evening's run a difficult one to call regarding how many would turn up. As it was, thirteen long distance hashers (including two virgins) arrived at the Rugglestone in good time for Beefy's birthday hash.
 
There was a little pre-circle discussion as to whether the down-downs would be appropriate on such an auspicious day. Beefy had already organised the DD's with the pub so it was agreed that the down downs would go ahead.
 
As had been agreed the previous week, the Circle commenced with a minute's silence for Her Majesty. At the end of the silence, Smellie politely reminded us that a Hare was required for 3rd October.
 
We welcomed two virgins into the Circle, Will & Duncan. No one present had taken ownership of them - so who had made them come?......someone called Holly apparently, who wasn't present! A down-down for Well Hopped next week methinks.
 
Shitfaced duly anointed them with flour and then it was over to the Hare.
 
Beefy had been out on his bike and advised that there was a Walkers' (an out and back to the cider stop - around two miles); a Shorts' of about three miles and a Longs' of about five miles.
Both the Longs' and the Shorts' would be crossing a bit of open moor but shouldn't get lost as the dots were close at this point.....and so they proved to be.
 
The Trail
A check at the entrance to the car park had Man-Pig running to the right and uphill; Poacher taking the level option to the left and the rest of the pack waiting patiently in the car park for whomsoever shouted "On-On" first. It was Man-Pig. 
 
Back in the car park, there was some debate as to whether Poacher should be called back. "No. Leave him be" suggested the Hare - an instant recipe for a down-down.
 
The trail took us up through the tiny hamlet of Venton and to a check at Chittleford. The Pig had a burning desire to run towards Pudsam Down whilst Fukarewe correctly checked towards Lower Dunstone.
 
At Lower Dunstone (very old and picturesque), an arrow had us all heading for Beefy's at Higher Dunstone. The Walkers got an early cider and flapjack whilst the Longs and the Shorts headed southwest. 
 
An obvious check at the footpath that leads to Cockingford did not have us going to Cockingford. We continued on road until we came to the Long/Short split that took the Shorts right and up onto the moor - still on road at this time.
 
The Longs' continued on road past Windwhistle (a single farm hamlet) and through Bittleford where checks at two footpaths proved fruitless. 
 
Still on road, we headed towards a check at Lizwell. This took us right and into Jordan. I didn't realise that this was where we came across the beautiful Mill House on Pisswell's trail from about five or six weeks ago. Everything looks so different in the dark!
 
Again we passed another check at a stile onto a footpath. We didn't have to check far. The cross was on the other side of the stile! 
 
A check in Jordan had the Pig checking uphill, eventually finding a third dot. Back to the check to kick it out by which time Poacher and Pisswell had caught up.
 
"Have you seen Fukarwe?"
"No. He wasn't too far behind me."
 
We concluded that he must have opted for the Short.
 
As the road levelled off near Drywall, we reached a crossroads and the inevitable check. The Pig went straight on towards Dockwell. Poacher went left and Pisswell went right. 
 
It wasn't long before Poacher and the Pig were chasing Pisswell downhill and then uphill. After maybe half a mile, an arrow directed us left, off-road and onto the moor where we rejoined the Shorts' trail. This skirted the dry stone wall in a north-easterly direction before falling away down a broad track into Higher Dunstone and the cider and flapjack stop.
 
Poacher led the charge downhill but momentum got the better of him and he missed the detour to the birthday drinks stop. Pisswell tried calling after him but to no avail. We felt a tad guilty that he'd missed the drinks stop so we decanted a glass into an old cider bottle and wrapped a slice of flapjack in foil. This we gave to him in the pub. He deserved it. He had just warranted himself a Down-Down.
 
The Down-Downs
The Rugglestone is under new ownership. Shitfaced advised that the new owners don't really like singing in the pub. It was a mild evening, so we were happy to decamp into the beer garden for the Down-Downs.
 
The first order of service was, again, to the Queen for 70 years of unstinting loyal service. We then raised our glasses to toast the King, "God save the King". We also thanked the pub for the beer - but as the landlord and landlady were inside I doubt they heard us.
 
Given the occasion of Her Majesty's funeral, it had been suggested that some may wish to wear something appropriate for the evening. 
 
Georgy Porgy and Piltdown wore crowns; Coldtits a tiara and Pisswell ran the entire trail with a union flag draped around her shoulders. The best the Pig could do was to dig out an old British Lions shirt.
 
Virgins Will and Duncan said that they had enjoyed the run and would be back. We look forward to seeing them again.
 
Strangely, and despite low numbers, awards were in abundance for a change. 
 
Poacher was the first to offload his baby bat hat award. He complained about an absence of marks. I guess, in a way, he was right. He had spent the first five minutes of the run off trail and running back into Widecombe. Everyone else found plenty of marks.....they had all gone the other way out of the car park. Nevertheless, the baby bat hat went to Beefy to a rendition of "Hold it in your hand Mrs. Murphy".
 
Next up was Coldtits. She still had lost property in the form of a Tina Turner/Rod Stewart wig. But to whom to award it? 
 
Candidates included Piltdown man and Shitfaced - both for being follicly challenged. Piltdown was too tall, so it went to Shitfaced who wasn't drinking. It then ended up with Smellie because she wasn't follicly challenged.
 
More lost property improvising as an award - this time it was Archangel's Grizzly sweatshirt from three weeks ago. Pisswell awarded this to Poacher for missing the drinks' stop.
 
One last half pint of ale to award. Man-Pig had the Hashshit shirt from the previous week. There was only one candidate; the Hare for his birthday hash - all the right notes - not necessarily in the right order.
 
Despite the low turnout, a good run and a thoroughly enjoyable evening. Perhaps the correct way to round off what will be one of the most eventual days of our lives.
 
RIP your Majesty. You've deserved it!
 
Next week
Court Farm Inn, Abbotskerswell with Hares Ernie and Strap-On.
 
On-On to next week, Man-Pig.

TVH3 The Words for 12th September 2022

The Cridford Inn, Trusham
 
Run No. 1934 Forrest Stump's birthday hash
 
HARES: Forrest Stump, Wood-Lend & Mucking Fuddle
 
Who wuz there: Forrest Stump, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Man-Pig, Archangel, Soapy, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Wetfart, Teapot, Beefy, Pisswell (did the run early), Big End, Well Hopped, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Swinger, Piddler, Fukarewe (returnee again), Poacher, Broadshit, Ernie, Mateus Rose, Rise 'n' Shine, Wood-Lend (pub only), Mucking Fuddle (pub only) & Sam (pub only).
 
The Circle
Well. What a difference a week makes? The Circle was, inevitably, overshadowed by the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Shitfaced said a few words and suggested that we hold a minute's silence at next week's Hash on the occasion of Her Majesty's funeral. All agreed.
 
Smellie required hares for 3rd October and subsequent Mondays.
 
Over to the Hare. Forrest-Stump was the sole Hare on the day. Most of the trail had been laid the previous day with the assistance of Wood-Lend and Mucking Fuddle. I think I know who was responsible for the last Long!
 
Forrest explained that the marks were a little camouflaged as they were laid in sawdust. There were four or five Long/Short splits. Finally, a show of hands for chili con carne at a very reasonable £5 a head. Nine Hashers decided that they were a tad peckish. "Make that ten".
 
The Trail
The trail turned right out of the car park and we came to the first Long/Short split after only a 100 yards. Shorts and Walkers stayed on the main road whilst the Longs bore right.
 
At a check, Poacher headed along the cobbled alleyway in front of some very picturesque cottages and climbed up the footpath to the edge of the first field. Nothing. So he came running back downhill. He was right. Just as he passed me we could hear, "Long/Short split" being called. We were not on trail.
The Longs had done a short loop and rejoined the Shorts on the long downhill to the old Trusham railway station. This entailed passing a field of swans/emus/ostriches (see later). The Walkers, meanwhile, had embarked on what was to be the final Long/Short split.
 
Almost back at the old railway station, a Long/Short split had the Shorts going left and up Farley Hill whilst the Longs went over the railway bridge to a check.
 
The Long's trail took us along the banks of the River Teign before turning away from the river and into woodland. With the tree cover, it was decidedly dipsy and the marks were hard to see. It wasn't long before we were back on trail.
 
Over a steel gate and a white arrow, in flour, directed us up Farley Hill. A check had been put at the junction with the small lane that leads to the infamous 'ravine'. It had been kicked out. So the ravine it was then! 
 
About 200yards into the ravine, a Long/Short split offered the opportunity to follow the official public footpath that runs parallel with the ravine, but in a nice open field.
 
Piddler, sans walking poles, sensibly elected for the field option. Backmarkers Man-Pig, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Well Hopped, and Big End pushed on down the ravine. At least it was dry(ish) this time. The last time we were down here it was a torrent of raging water a foot deep.
 
The ravine is dodgy underfoot at the best of times, let alone when you can't see the unstable stream bed beneath the white water. Today, however, it was nearly dry....but just as unstable underfoot. At the 'leap of faith', Pork Torpedo launched himself manfully across the gaping chasm. All others wimped out and shuffled on their bottoms down one side and up the other.
 
Once out of the ravine, it was a long climb, along a lovely footpath shrouded in tree boughs, back to the top of the village. We were nearly home, or so we thought. One final Long/Short split past the church. This would be a short loop for the Longs.
 
Sure enough, a check at the top of the footpath that drops down just to the north of the Cridford Inn had been kicked out in the direction of the On-Down. Sixty seconds later, we were walking back up the same footpath after having encountered an X.
 
It eventually transpired that we were now on the Walkers' trail which took us along a field and a long run downhill through woodland. At the obvious point of return - another split. This time a Walkers/Long split. The Longs entered the meadow, usually partially flooded but dry today. Across a small wooden bridge and over a stile onto a lane. We have been here many times before and it is almost always left and uphill. And so it proved to be again. Up. Up. And up again. I knew where we were and this was going to be a long Long/Short split - over 2 miles.
 
Despite my best efforts to leave the pack in my wake, there was a constant torchlight behind me. Who on earth could it be? Beefy hadn't been seen all evening. He must have been at the front of the pack. There was no Bluebird, Polyfella, Wood-Lend, or Wet-Johnny to kick dirt in my face. Who was behind me? Time to cheat. I switched off my torch so that my stalker wouldn't know how far in front I was. The downside of this was that I couldn't see any marks. I persevered but I was still seeing the shadows of my pursuer's torchlight.
 
At the only road junction, I had to reveal my position and look for marks. Torch back on. The "OH" appeared to the left and downhill. He was almost upon me. Hammer down and hotfoot it to the pub. Hallelujah. I was back.....but with Big End only a few seconds behind. Good running Big End.
Others who had committed to the last Long included Ernie, Broadshit, Well Hopped, Swinger, Pork Torpedo and Horny. Well done. And well done to our Hare. Another successful outing into the valley and good to see Poacher and Fukarewe returning to the fold.
 
The Down-Downs
The first order of service was, quite rightly, a toast to the Queen. Next week's hash coincides with the funeral and I dare say that the Words will reflect more on the Queen and what she meant to all of us.
We thanked the pub for the beer. If it had been the winter timetable we would have had to thank the pub for opening for us as well.
 
The Down-Downs commenced with an impromptu auction for a bag of mushrooms; freshly picked by Forest Stump on trail. How fresh is that! The Landlord won the bidding war with the winning bid being donated to the SHOUT charity for whom Soapy is collecting. No Melonpicker present as he was recovering from a round of golf!
 
The first Down-Down was Big End looking to offload the baby bat hat. Big End recalled how we had got so close to the pub before arriving at an X. The previous check had been kicked out in the direction of a false trail. Who was the culprit? It was birthday boy Poacher.....a very youthful 50! The Songmeister dispensed with the usual birthday song and substituted "Old McDonald had Tourettes...."
 
Next up should have been Soapy with the Hashshit shirt. However, as Soapy hadn't done the trail, she had given it to Pork torpedo to award to some unsuspecting Hasher. Apparently the recipient was going to be someone who had an animal name in his Hash name. Despite being from the animal kingdom, this hasher thought that the 'emus' were large swans. Man-Pig, who really should be wearing glasses, got the Down-Down and the shirt.
 
They say that all good things come to those who wait. Well, Man-Pig had Polyfella's horned hat from the previous week to give away. He didn't have to wait very long to mete out his revenge. The 'emus' turned out to be ostriches. Horned hat to Pork Torpedo to a chorus of "Hold it you hand Mrs Murphy".
No more awards or stories were on offer but there was a 500 runs' badge to award. Piddler stepped forward to accept his award for interminable moaning across 500 Mondays - can't remember the Songmeister's ditty but it was short.
 
Finally a Down-Down to the Hare on the day after his birthday. The usual cacophony of all the right notes - not necessarily in the right order.
 
Next week
Rugglestone Inn, Widecombe-in-the-Moor. Hare Beefy as it's his birthday hash. On the occasion of Her Majesty's funeral you may wish to wear something to celebrate her life and huge contribution to society and, indeed, the world over for 70 years - something red, white and blue? Your choice. 
 
DEFINITELY BRING TORCHES!
 
ON-ON Man-Pig

TVH3 The Words for 5th September 2022

Station Car Park Bovey Tracy

Red Dress Run in Memory of Fallen Hashers
Run No. 1933
 
HARES: Soapy & Melonpicker
 
Who wuz there: Soapy, Melonpicker, Palmolive, Shitfaced, Forrest Stump, Bluebird/Bluebell, Cheerio Beerio, Man-Pig, Archangel, Hotlips, Zoot, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Wetfart, Coldtits, Teapot, Beefy, Pisswell, Wash 'n' Go, Big End, Well Hopped, Pork Torpedo, Hornie, Strap-On, U-Bend, Just Cumming, Swinger & friend, Pollyfella, Warmfront, Piddler, Fukarwi(returnee), Bobbiball.
 
THE CIRCLE
Impromptu photo by a journalist from the Mid Devon advertiser - article to follow?
Melonpicker asked those present to remember a few of our departed hashers and I have added a few more, though the list is not complete.
 
RAMBO - the grief still fresh with us all.
NUMBER 2 - how bravely she fought and endured.
MIGMAN - another giant of the hash. I still have fond memories of him and the fun Wigwam, Bobby and I had when we played golf together.
WW - a tragic end of life for another great character of the hash.
BERK - a fellow multiple Pillock of the year and departed before his natural span.
ARBIE - shocking to having been taken from us so suddenly. So many trails laid by him and close friend Wetfart.
RJ (Rough Job) - few hashers will recall this great hasher, another larger than life character.
FUDGE (aka Demi-Coq) - lovely hasher, voted Best Dressed hasher a few times.
REG LANCASHIRE (unnamed) - Torbay AC runner and ex boxer who started hashing with us when he was well into his seventies.
GEORGE (cannot remember his hash handle - please add comment if you do) - lovely old boy and fondly dubbed a crackpot inventor with pebble glasses who would wear a different multi-coloured shirt every Thursday evening at the Devon Dumpling. He had over fifty which he had amassed on numerous cruises. Died in the line of duty, laying a TVH trail on the Sunday.
As I type their names, the memories come flooding back. We had such good times together.
 
THE TRAIL by Palmolive
This hash was extra special, being a memorial hash for those hashers who are no longer with us, and was chosen to be a red dress run with donations going to SHOUT charity.
 
The hashers congregated in their red dresses, a little tentative as they arrive one by one but once they realise we are all dressed up, its fine! It's great seeing what outfits people will wear, or not wear in Bluebird's case, the latex red number makes an appearance!
 
Funny that Manpig and Piltdown had the same dress on, although Piltdown had customised his.
 
A great turnout and even a newspaper reporter popped up to take a group photo as he'd heard we were doing a charity run.
 
Lovely that Melon picker said a few kind words at the start to remember some of our departed hashers.
 
We are told that there are lots of long short splits and a sweetie stop, then off we went. I did the short through town and past the bakery towards the fire station whilst the longs looped around the car park and back down into Bovey so we all went into Parke together. Well, almost all together, Arkangel was a little late running on his own when a lady pulled up to him in her car and asked 'Are you OK honey!' The red dress was clearly having an impact, not sure if it was concern or liked the look of what she saw!
 
Passing some ancient oak trees, a quick photo stop with Forrest capturing us by a tree straight out of Harry Potter the whomping willow.
 
Past some bemused cows who luckily didn't chase us all dressed in red, and on we went... Quick bag swap as Soapy continued on the longs and I went on the shorts up to the railway line where the bag was filled with oodles of sweets, and yes, I did share!
 
The dog walkers seemed just as confused by us all as the cows! Beefy ran round like the paparazzi snapping away. It's great to look back on photos of the night, also nice to see if you couldn't make it, it still feels like you went - but without the running!!
 
After scoffing lots of sweets (the sports mix was very popular, I said it made you run faster) off we went again. Teapot and Wetfart walked off together in red kimono and kilt, I imagine they got some funny looks.
 
Up through the woodlands, good we had our torches as getting a bit dimpsy and lots of tree roots. A few checks to keep us together which is a sign of a good trail, well done mother!
 
Forrest Stump got all shy and didn't want to run past normal people on his own in his red dress so hurried along me and Wash 'n go to catch up so we were then three weirdos running in the woods in red dresses! The best bit was as we were off checking and had to back check and then had to run past them again!!
 
Now out of Parke and across the main road continuing on a lane which went up and up, taking us to the top of Bovey by Hospital Hill. Lived in Bovey most of my life and no clue that came out there.
 
Passing along Mary Street and through the car park, think the longs had an extra loop by the church. All eventually making our way down town to see the OH by the bridge, and catching a glimpse of SMellie in her superb sparkling red dress looking like a glitter ball as the light caught it.
 
Made it to the car park, now onto the pub. A great trail and we were so lucky with the weather that it stopped raining for the run.
 
The Dophin had an area reserved for us.
 
Last time I was here was Burns night I think with the hash when the awards were given out...
Slip on me gave the bat hat to Big End for not wearing a red dress - or red anything baaaahumbug, to which the song master started up the 20 toes song.
 
Horny had the hashit shirt, when she disrobed revealing a very glamorous red dress underneath. Had a few options of who to award to, possibly for man love, between Piddler, Bluebird and Pork Torpedo talking about lovely legs. 
 
Could have gone to Well Hopped, who got confused and went round and round on trail. But it was given to Soapy as she was looking for her child and grandchild in the pub when they were right in front of her - should have gone to specsavers but also reiterated what some hashers said about Shitfaced being pregnant, you're supposed to say you look glowing! 
 
Hashit shirt awarded and the 'She's All Right' song was sung.
 
Hotlips awarded the viking hat to Pollyfella whose lovely Peter Pan style collar dress made him look like a quaker. My favourite hash song was sung... Whoops he's a fairy!
 
A badge was awarded.... 800 runs for Fallen Women, sporting her new hair cut. And the song 'Get a life' was sung.
 
Over £180 raised for SHOUT and Soapy will bring the collection pot along next week for anyone who missed contributing.
 
A great evening was had by all. OnOn to next week, Palmolive
 
Next week
Cridford Inn, Trusham with hares Forrest Stump and assistant. BRING TORCHES!

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