A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

Saturday 17 February 2024

Monday's details

 Run #2008 Monday 19th February 7:15 pm circle up from the Corner Flag bar, Devon FA, County Headquarters, Coach Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 1EJ with Wet Johnny.


 

A HEART TO HEART HASH by Pisswell

TVH3 The words for 12th February 2024

Run No 2007, Valentines hash
 
The Dolphin, Bovey Tracey
 
Hares: Coldtits, Beefy and Pisswell
 
Who woz there: Shitfaced, Manpig, Manopause, Wet Johnny, Big End, Wellhopped, Slip on me, Cheerio Beerio (dance venue only and bringing professional dance experts, Eva, AKA Puddle Plopper, and Darcy AKA Twinkle Toes,) Able Semen, Zoot, Hotlips, Mateus Rose, Rise and Shine, Wet Fart, Melon Picker, Ernie, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgie, Checkmate, Checkmate’s mate (Shane), Warm Front, Pyscho, Beefy, Pisswell and Coldtits.
 
The circle
People unfortunately had not persuaded their “unwilling partners” to attend our Romantic valentines hash, but many had turned out inappropriate [sic] clothing!
 
There was no Smellie re further hash dates. Apparently, she had better romantic ideas for herself! No Pisswell at the circle either, so hope everyone paid up!
 
Georgie Porgie and Piltdown Man announced that they would not be attending for the next four weeks and so Able offered to take names for attendees.
 
Wetfart said that Teapot had been unwell again and it would be a while before he would be back to the hash. DIY Scoff orders for the evening to be placed at the bar please.
 
No 1 Hare: The other hares being out on trail, Beefy explained that there would be three trails from the Dolphin, with regroups. The regroups would be overseen by two dominatrices.
 
Hashers were reminded that it was important to be obedient and be submissive as there would be prizes for those that obeyed.
 
The trail
Hashers ran from the CP in all directions as expected but where was the trail? Beefy herded the hash, and the odd cat, to the first regroup, just across the road in the Riverside community hall. 
 
There they were greeted by hares no 2 and 3, Coldtits and Pisswell, and also Cheerio Beerio and her two professional dancers Eva and Darcy. (Their real names are listed above, but they used their professional names for the evening!)
 
The 5 had decorated the hall in balloons, banners and lots of fairy lights. Love potions were served, roses were placed between teeth and hashers were given a pre hash warm up, by learning some dirty dancing.
 
A simple sexy salsa was taught to them all to the tune of Despercito. Coldtits and Pisswell wielded their whips to keep everyone in line and having a go.
 
Heart Trail 1
Beefy had lovingly and romantically devised the same route for everyone with a heart being incorporated into each trail. So if you are a Strava or Garmin fan, you will have gone home with at least two, if not three, extra hearts.
 
Pisswell and Coldtits tried cleverly to stagger the intervals between departures from the hall, pretending that some groups had tried harder or done it better, (ha ha!) and hoping that everyone should return at the same time, whilst Beefy tried to ensure that it happened.
 
As you can imagine, it was like herding cats! The first trail was a simple 1/2m around the Mill Marsh park, but obviously not as simple as the people doing it!
 
However, eventually all returned to the hall to dance party no 2. 
 
Again, all were welcomed with any left over love potions. Actually, I think it made all the difference to these “close encounters” with the opposite sex hashers! This time there were strawberries, some of which were dipped in chocolate.
 
The rest had a promise of chocolate, slightly spoilt by Pisswell’s emergency run to the camper van to do some more. She found Beefy lying unconsciousness from his running efforts, and despite their best combined efforts, they were unable to produce enough gas to light the stove!
 
For the health conscious, there was also oyster (mushrooms) at the party, to get you going, and carrots to see whereyou were going! All sugar free, gluten free, wheat free. In fact just free!
 
So to the accompaniment of some Irish music, we then attempted to “Strip the willow”. In fact the Irish dancers “tie their laces” or, is it “ undo the laces”? But it all happens in the middle of sets. (not sex!) 
 
Well, I have no idea how our hashers ever get to a hash on time with their shoes on, because it was hilarious! How hard is it to “Right hand turn your partner”, “left hand turn” the next in the line? It was!
Anyway, again the walkers won the contest, followed by shorts and leaving the longs to shape up those moves!
 
Heart Trail 2
This time, Beefy directed the hashers up to the recreational ground, where they picked up marks ( dashes) to form a new heart. 
 
The mileage this time was about 1m, giving the walkers a total of 1 1/2m covered, before their return to the pub. 
 
For some, this was sooner than others. Wet Fart said he was exhausted from the dancing! Do I believe that? ….No.
 
Well, eventually more filed in to the music from Chris de Burgh, Lady in Red. So our last dance was an up close and personal, smoochy number. 
 
Again, the whip was out encouraging people to swap partners and phone numbers or whatever.
Unfortunately, at this point, I totally forgot there was one more run! So my plan to send out the shorts, then longs, then walkers went for a burton!
 
I think I thought, “ ok that’s enough drooling, hand wandering, sexy stuff” but instead said, “ ok, you can go now. Get lost!” And so they did, to trail 3. (shorts and longs only).
 
Heart Trail 3
Trail 3 was up past the fire station and into Parke. There the trail went up beside the road and then right to the Dartmoor pony heritage centre. 
 
It then went right down towards the road, crossed and up again.
 
Any shortcuts here would have broken or ruptured a heart, but everyone seemed to have survived! Shortly afterwards, at the cattle grid on the main drive, hashers found our only long/ short split.
 
The shorts returned through the deep mud out to the fire station and on home. The longs went left and then onto a woodland trail, which eventually took them back through muddy fields to the National Trust carpark. They returned to the short trail and on home.
 
At this stage, Shane, who is Checkmate’s mate, took a fall, landing in the mud and giving himself a chocolate coating look. (unlike the strawberries).
 
Heart(y) Down downs
Meanwhile, back at the Dolphin, the hash was awaiting the returnees.
 
The longs had completed another 3.8m, making just over 5m and the shorts did somewhere between.
It was a sheer delight for me to be sat in the pub waiting for others, especially as, on this very rare occasion, Manpig was the last man in!
 
After a quick pint placed in his hand, he was able to perform his RA duties. 
 
The pub was thanked for its beer and the hares for their hash with a difference. 
 
Psycho had the jesters hat. It was awarded to Shane for his spectacular fall. The hashit shirt had boomeranged back to Pisswell last week, and in the absence of Wetfart, (who deserved it back), was given to Manopause for his dirty dancing or was it sweaty dancing in his posh, flowery, non-absorbent shirt!
 
Two remaining pints and no further tales. Slip on me and Able Seaman received a down down for something that had happened with Ernie. He did say his end had dropped off so what had they been doing to him?
 
Beefy accepted a down down on behalf of the hares for his dashing outfit (great tie), or was it his dashes instead of dots? Even then, all was not over!
 
As promised, it was on to the dancing awards. As Melon Picker rushed home to make full use of the slow to work love potion, he was handed a small bottle of Prosecco, winning the title of most sexy dancer.
 
Next was the award for the most romantic couple, a meal out to celebrate their togetherness. Well Hopped and Big End were delighted to receive their lady and the tramp bowlful of spaghetti and sausages. (we were on a tight budget). 
 
Unfortunately, the food was cold, (gas problems again) but they fed each other lovingly with forks, even attempting the romantic spaghetti kiss as per lady and the tramp!
 
It was so tasty, even Pyscho joined in later! The best male outfit was awarded to Shitfaced for his suit and bow tie, winning a bottle of red wine. 
 
Best female outfit was to Slip on Me, with a beautiful dress and makeup, winning a dozen red roses.
The award for best dancer went to Warm Front, particularly for her boisterous swinging. She won a romantic evening kit for two, comprising a candle, body spray, lubricating jelly, condoms and a chocolate heart.
 
The most promising dancer was Checkmate’s Mate (Shane) for being game and having a go. He won a box of chocolates. The best dad dancer award went to Wet Johnny for his unique style. He was awarded a small bottle of Prosecco. 
 
The most impressive dancer was awarded to Pyscho and she therefore had the most impressive prize. She rushed out to try her new Pellet battery toy and had full hopes of the batteries being exhausted by next weeks hash!
 
Realising that the goody bag was now empty, we hurriedly tried to find an award for the best dirty dancer, Manopause. 
 
Unfortunately, he declined the left over two glasses of pure Dolphin water, but I’m sure was very grateful to the many people who took their time to vote for him!
 
So a big thank you and well done to everyone who came, and to all your efforts with outfits & dancing.
Special thanks to Cheerio Beerio & her lovely 2 young girls for helping prepare & de-rig the dance hall, & showing us their own wonderful dance moves.
 
And lastly, as I usually do my words as a song, just a quickie…. To the music of Lady in red, as below:
 
https://youtu.be/Vt2YIpZWBqA?feature=shared
 
I've never seen hashers look so lovely as you did last night
I've never seen such fairy lights, mhm hm
I’ve never seen so many men try avoiding to dance
They're looking for much more than romance
Given half a chance…..
We’ll never forget the way you looked tonight!
 
Next week. Beat that Wet Johnny! In fact, It will be lovely to get back to normal next week! We will be circling up at the Corner Flag bar, Coach road, Newton Abbot.

Chris DeBurgh - Lady In Red

Monday 12 February 2024

TVH3 The Words for 5th February 2024

Ye Olde Jolly Sailor, Teignmouth

Run No. 2006 - Polyfella's Birthday Run
 
HARE: Polyfella
 
Who wuz there: Polyfella, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Archangel, Hotlips, Zoot, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Only Here for the Beer, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Melonpicker, Fukarewe, Warmfront, Psycho, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Ablesemen, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Broadshit, U-Bend, Piddler, Tamsin (Miss Ing), Wetfart, Triple-Jump, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose and returnee Ollie.
 
Circle
Inevitably, the main topic of conversation pre-circle concerned Fallen Woman.
You could tell by the faces that Fallen Woman's passing had come as a huge shock. The sadness was palpable and our thoughts and prayers are with Broken Man and daughters Sarah and Kim and larger family.
 
After a brief welcome by GM Shitfaced, Man-Pig was invited into the Circle to say a few words about Fallen Woman and recent developments.
 
Man-Pig had spoken with Sarah and, with her permission, he imparted a little more information regarding Fallen Woman's passing.
 
Perhaps, more crucially, he went on to explain that the Hash is much more than a drinking club with a running problem. 
 
We are friends, bonded together by big hearts and kindness. The Hash it is our hobby and our chill-out time. 
 
When we arrive at the Hash, we put on our happiest smiles and bravest faces even when, inside, we may not be very happy. 
 
Each one of us has had a time in our lives when we've found ourselves in a dark place; for some, darker, deeper and more prolonged than others.
 
In the Hash, you are surrounded by friends and, for many, these are close friends. When you're among friends and someone asks you how you are, it's OK to say, "Well, actually, today I am not so good". There is no shame or stigma attaching to feeling down or depressed or sharing your anxiety. 
 
From the surrounding nods we've all been there to a lesser or greater degree. As my dear old Mum used to say, "A trouble shared is a trouble halved." 
 
It is good to talk and, hopefully, the camaraderie of the Hash, the run and the post run beer and banter brings a little light into the darkness. 
 
Ergo, we hope that the comments on the SH4, TVH3 and AH3 Facebook pages can provide a little comfort to Broken Man, Kim and Sarah as Fallen Woman was always such a joy to be with.....fun all the way. 
 
A Harriet who will never be forgotten by those who enjoyed the privilege of her warm, and frequently gregarious, company.
 
On a more pragmatic note, Broken Man is currently in Cheltenham with their youngest daughter, Kim. I understand that the plan is for Broken Man to return to Brixham at the weekend. 
 
The funeral will be at Torbay crematorium on Friday 23rd February at 10.30 followed by The Wake at Brixham Yacht Club. Kim has advised that the family will be keeping Fallen Woman's Facebook account open in order to update friends regarding the funeral etc.
 
We are sure that Fallen Woman would have wanted the show to go on so next it was a change of tempo as Pisswell promoted next week's Valentine's Day hash.....although some seem to have already recategorised it as a Hallow'een hash. Wear something bright or outrageous; just don't be boring....perhaps, just perhaps, even think of bringing your partner along?
 
Fukarewe put in a plug about this Saturday's (10th February) Broadhempstone Beer Festival. This takes place at Broadhempstone village hall and, historically, it's been a bit of a hoot - just ask Warmfront.
Finally, the Hare.
 
"The Longs' is about six. The Shorts' four and the Walkers' about two and a half. There is one Long/Short split, so once you're on it you've committed to a two mile loop. There is sausage and chips laid on in the pub afterwards", which we found out later had been bought and paid for by Polyfella as part of his birthday celebration - Thank you.
 
Trail
With the Hare's porkies still ringing in our ears and our thoughts very much with Fallen Woman and Broken Man and family, we sallied forth.
 
A mixture of arrows and dots saw us down to the seafront and running east and then up Eastcliff Walk footpath. 
 
At Cliff Road, we all crossed the A379 and embarked on the punishing climb up the footpath past Middle Holcombe House. 
 
This was reminiscent of the 2022 Hallow'een Hash trail. Almost at its peak, we arrived at the Long/Short split and the Tardis. For the Shorts it was a repeat of the 2022 Hallow'een's Longs' trail. It was going to be a Longgggggggggggg 4 miles for the Shorts.
 
For the Longs, it was a trip back in time. We found ourselves on tracks that we haven't been on for about a decade.
 
At the L/S split, we continued straight ahead. As per usual, Beeflicker was leading with Psycho and Warmfront in tow. Struggling behind them was the Pig followed by a rapidly closing Wet-Johnny. Beefy was, surprisingly, nowhere to be seen. It transpired that he had a bad cold and was walking the Shorts.
 
The Longs descended down a track that was badly rutted in places. We passed Oakleigh Farm just as Wet-Johnny overtook me. 
 
We crossed Westbrook where we thought we'd encountered a sweetie stop but no. It was a farmer feeding his cattle. 
 
When we reached tarmac, the obvious route would have been to our right. Indeed, there were calls of "On-On", only to be followed by returning head torches. Not "On-On" after all as Wet-Johnny and the Topiary twins ran back whence they came.
 
Beeflicker was on trail, on tarmac, and on his phone. We passed and ignored a sign for a public footpath to our right only to find two dots and a cross. 
 
Meanwhile, the Topiary Twins and Wet-Johnny had stolen a march. Beeflicker caught them up but Man-Pig never did. Returning to an unseen chec,k he was now at least 200 yards behind the FRB's but this had, at least, allowed Well Hopped to catch him up so he would not be doing the rest of the trail on his lonesome.
 
Following the footpath along the hedgeline of two fields provided a sense of deja vu. In the far distance were bright lights atop a hill. If my instincts were correct, this would be the BAM Nutall construction site next to the Smugglers' Arms.
 
When we left the field only to enter what looked like someone's garden, I knew where we were. We were on a trail that we'd last done from the Smugglers' Arms a long time ago, but in reverse. Sure enough, the marks took us down an alleyway and out onto the A379 just on the Dawlish side of the Smugglers'.
 
The trail now took us onto the Southwest Coastpath and down the steep loop below the Smugglers'; down to the railway line and up the other side.
 
At the bottom of the valley, we could see the FRB's torches, now a good 400m ahead. We looped back onto the A379 and came across a check marked with a sock....pointing back towards the Smugglers' Arms. Shirley some mistake. We checked out all the other alternatives. Nothing. Follow the sock!
The red sock did not deceive. We were back on trail, crossing the A379 and heading into Holcolmbe. The marks took us past the Castle Inn (I'd forgotten that Holcombe had a pub it's been so long since I've been here).
 
The more we followed the marks, the more certain I was that there must be some sort of mistake as soon we'd be crossing the outward trail. We left the village to follow a trail up another footpath that I recognised from many years ago. At the end of this particular section of footpath, my fears were confirmed. We'd arrived back at the Long/Short split. This is going to be a long 6 miles I thought.
The Longs now followed the Shorts trail back to the pub. Initially, we had a 1km climb up towards Woodlands Farm and past Higher Holcombe House.
 
At the highest point, the marks took us left and down Higher Woodway Road following part of Piltdown Man's and Georgie Porgie's Christmas trail. 
 
This time we went right at New Road which we crossed and continued down Ferndale Road followed by Paradise Road and Higher Brimley Road before running down Shute Road by the railway station. We crossed the Exeter Road opposite Lidl supermarket. 
 
We did not succumb to the magnetic force enticing us in to do our weekly shop. We continued, unburdened by groceries, back to the On-Down - nearly catching up with Coldtits who was tailending the Shorts.
 
A great trail covering some old, old ground. Fallen Woman would have enjoyed it immensely.
 
Down-Downs
I think that this is the first time that we have Hashed from Ye Olde Jolly Sailor. For some reason, quite a few Hashers got it mixed up with The Blue Anchor and ended up taking a rather circuitous route to the correct pub.
 
Forrest-Stump assumed the role of RA in advance of his impending three week absence. He is having a sojourn visiting his brother in Kenya where he will be climbing Mount Kenya amongst other things. Enjoy your hols.
 
Following in the footsteps of South Hams Hash and our skiing Hashers in Austria, we commenced the Down-Downs by raising our glasses to the memory of Fallen Woman. 
 
Our memories of her will be cherished for a very, very long time. "On-On".
 
The Down-Downs started with the birthday boy - Polyfella. Is it all the wrong notes in the right order, all the right notes in the wrong order or all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order? Nobody knows nor does anyone care as the cacophony kicked off. 
 
Thankyou for a wonderful trail, the scoff and the birthday cake. You are a star hasher, Polyfella.
There was a 100 run badge to award....to a local boy. Who was it? The first guess was correct. It was Broadshit. However, he had to go home early to start his paper round, so it will keep for another hash.
Next up was Warmfront with, or without, the Jester's Hat. Had she seen anything on trail? No. But she had heard a lot. 
 
A lot of yakking on the phone by one of her fellow FRB's on the Long. Who on earth had been yakking incessantly? It was Beeflicker speaking to his boss......about flashing on trail. 
 
A half pint of Teignmouth's finest eau du tap was dispatched PDQ.
 
"Where's the Hashshit shirt?"
"With Pisswell still out on trail"
Simultaneously Pisswell appeared, already changed.
"Where's the shirt?"
"In the car".
"Go back and get it"
"Any other stories whilst we're waiting?"
 
Smellie narrowly avoided a down-down. She had been spotted approaching the On-Down from the wrong direction. Had she been home for a shower? 
 
No. The lure of a trail passing a supermarket was too strong for her, yet again. She had an unavoidable urge to take advantage of the opportunity to do her week's shopping. 
 
Note to self. Do not lay any TVH3 trail that passes a supermarket.
 
There was a story about a young Hasher and an elderly Hasher and a near RTA. The younger man was obliged to beep his horn. This was so as to encourage an elderly and apparently deaf pedestrian to speed up his crossing of the road lest he be run over. So, who was our jaywalker of the week? None other than Archangel.
 
The timing was perfect. Pisswell reappeared with the Hashshit shirt and presented it to Wetfart for paying his subs in five pence pieces!. Wetfart downed his beer without exposing himself (he has a criminal record for this you know). However, in boomerang fashion, Forrest returned the Hashshit shirt to Pisswell for being late on parade.
 
Next week
Next week's Hash is a Valentine's Day themed Hash from the Dolphin, Bovey Tracey. The Hares are Pisswell, Beefy and Coldtits. Wear something romantic/outrageous.
 
On-On to next week. MP

MONDAY'S TRAIL

Run #2007 Monday 12th February circle up 7:15 pm from the Dolphin Hotel, 1A Station Rd, Bovey Tracey, Newton Abbot TQ13 9AL with Beefy, Pisswell and Coldtits.

Valentine's Day theme, wear something romantic or outrageous. 🥰

Sunday 4 February 2024

Run #2006 Monday 5th February

 

7:15 circle up from Ye Olde Jolly Sailor, 46 Northumberland Pl, Teignmouth TQ14 8DE with Polyfella.

I cannot recall TVH ever hashing from here. It is claimed to be the oldest pub in Teignmouth, tracing its origins back to the early 16th century when it was named the Ferry Boat Inn. Obviously predates the existing Ferry Boat Inn on the Shaldon side of the Teign.

 

FALLEN WOMAN - SAD NEWS

It is with a heavy heart that I bring you the very sad news that Fallen Woman has passed away. I have phoned Broken Man and spoken with one of Broken Man's and Fallen Woman's daughters - Sarah. Both daughters are at home with Broken Man and I have passed on the Hash's condolences. This was most unexpected as Fallen Woman has always been the life and soul of the party. Until very recently she was active in many Hashes as well as the Pedal Bash. We will all have our memories of Fallen Woman, particularly the Christmas fish'n'chip hash from their home. She is a Hasher's Harriet through and through. Never one to miss out of a Hash or Bash weekend. You will be sorely missed. Our thoughts are with Broken Man and his family. RIP Fallen Woman - you never failed to brighten up our Mondays. On-On.😪

TVH3 The Words for 29th January 2024

Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

Run No. 2005
 
HARES: Shitface & 'Friends'
 
Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Hotlips, Zoot, Warmfront, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Big End, Roger the Dodger, Ablesemen, Twin Buffers, Squashed Blls, Slip-on-Me, Strap-On, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Manopause, Wetfart, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio (latter 2 pub only), and returnees Fishbait & Knottie.
 
Circle
For January, the weather was particularly mild, circa 13 degees. However, the wind had picked up and the pack had dressed accordingly......well, most of the pack. I can only assume that Ipplepen must have been geographically relocated into the southern hemisphere as all three Penners were sporting t-shirts and shorts both on trail and in the pub.
 
Shitfaced welcomed all, including long term absentee Fishbait. Good to see you again. There was a call for numbers i.e. how many of you out there want scoff after the run?
 
Smellie needs Hares for a single date in April and then we're OK till May!
 
Bluebird stepped into the circle to give a plug for the Out of Tunas. They are playing at St Mary's Church, Kingskerswell this coming Friday. If you haven't heard them it is....well....an experience! (A SELL-OUT, no tickets available.)
 
Finally, one of the Hares is called into the circle. He imparted little information apart from advising some of the Shorts to do the Longs as the Shorts is quite boring.
 
Trail
We started up Fluder Hill. Just past the first junction with Southey Lane was supposed to be the first Walkers/Long & Short split but it wasn't there. Well it was. It just wasn't visible. Someone had put their recycling bin right on top of the marks.
 
Now, so as to avoid offending locals, I try not to put marks on what is clearly other people's private property. I always make the effort to try to avoid door steps and front gateposts. My preference is to put marks on on pavements and lamppost bases in built up areas. 
 
The recycling bins had been placed so squarely over the marks that it must have been done deliberately. Accordingly, the Pig moved the bins 18 inches to one side whilst simultaneously giving verbal directions to the Walkers to descend down Daccombe Mill Lane.
 
Three quarters of a mile up Fluder Hill, the terrain levels off and we arrived at the first Long/Short split at Kingskerswell Cross. The Shorts descended down Willowpark Lane whilst the Longs headed into woodland for a zigzag that eventually would take them back onto Fluder Hill at Orestone Cross. Beefy had found two crosses but no trail. 
 
Eventually, an arrow was spotted leading down Orestone Lane. This time Beefy found a back check. Everyone else was hanging around the Hare in the expectation of him imparting some guidance - none was forthcoming.
 
An expeditionary force of one (Pisswell) checked out a path in Orestone Plantation marked "pedestrians" but only to find a cross. There was only one other avenue. Hey presto, a mark! All the Longs were back on trail running on a footpath that exits onto Kingskerswell Road opposite Torbay Holiday Centre (formerly Barton Hall/Torbay ski centre).
 
We were back on road for about 200 yards before the marks had us back on a woodland track that runs parallel with Kingskerswell Road up to its junction with Daccombe Hill Lane and a check.
 
No-one was fooled. All descended down the unbelievably steep hill towards Daccombe. Piddler confessed to Smellie that he'd tried cycling up this hill. Nutty. I could barely get the Harley up here. I'm amazed that traffic is allowed to use the route.
 
At the Daccombe Hill/Orestone Lane junction was another check. Again, no-one was fooled. At Daccombe there was a check, but it was relatively obscure and everyone veered left towards Coffinswell. 
 
Here we bumped into the Bird coming the other way. He guided returnees Knottie and Fishbait to the Walkers trail whilst Man-Pig, Smellie and Piddler took an off-trail shortcut.
 
Being off trail, we did not expect to encounter any of the pack on our shortcut, and certainly not running in the wrong direction. But, there in front of us were two head torches closing fast. These were Warmfront and Beeflicker attempting to get back on trail.
 
We rejoined the second leg of the Long and Shorts' trail for a loop over Kerswell Hill. Piddler and I let Smellie run on. What a mistaka. We could see her in the distance at the corner of the Sloop. She must have been standing on the On-Home mark and a huge arrow. We looked on incredulously as she started running towards Newton Abbot - "Not that way Smellie".
 
It was a relatively short run. Bang on 8.30 and only 200 yards from a beer and a chicken casserole.
 
Down-Downs
The RA thanked the pub for the beer and for putting on the scoff especially for us - the Lord Nelson is, predominantly, a dry pub.
 
Beeflicker had a new award to give away. Guinness hat of the sort that is always wheeled out near St Patrick's Day (17th March). This he presented to Ablesemen for an illumination issue. Not a headtorch but a motorcar. 
 
Able had been kind enough to give Beeflicker a lift back to Newton Abbot after his Hash from Chudleigh Knighton. Now Ablesemen, being an ecologically minded person, decided that she would do her bit to save the planet. She would save electricity by driving back to Newton Abbot without any lights on. How very commendable! For your valiant attempts to save the planet, you get a Down-Down.
 
Man-Pig had two awards, the Hashshit shirt (nice and damp as he'd worn it around the trail) and the Jester's hat. About the only thing he'd seen on trail were a couple of Hashers that were off trail. Taking an off-trail short-cut at the edge of Coffinswell, he saw two head torches coming towards him.
"Can't be Hashers", I thought, "They're off trail and running in the wrong direction". Bong! Wrong. They were Hashers. It was Warmfront and Beeflicker.
 
"OK. Which one of you two clowns was in front?"
 
It was Warmfront so she, appropriately, got the Jester's hat.
 
"Are there any more stories of Hashers off trail? Namely heading towards Newton Abbot?"
Pisswell alleged that she was led astray by Strap-On. So, who got the Hashshit shirt, the leader or the led? The shirt went to Pisswell. This was a combined Down-Down so a note for the "Misled clown".
A final half remained. Bluebird stepped forward. I thought that he was going to drink it himself as Hare. 
 
No. Bluebird was a little put out. He had laid the Walkers and Shorts on Sunday evening. Man-Pig had laid the Longs on Monday morning; unbeknown to him the Walkers and Shorts had already been laid by the Bird. 
 
Hence, the anal Pig decided to check the Bird's homework and correct his mistakes. So, in what has become a bit of a rarity in recent years, the Hare got to have a Down-Down.
 
Next week
Next week's Hash is from Ye Olde Jolly Sailor, 46 Northumberland Pl, Teignmouth, Teignmouth. The Hare is Pollyfella and we understand that sausage and chips will be available in the pub.
 
On-On to next week. MP

Saturday 27 January 2024

MONDAY FROM THE NELLIE

 Run #2005 Monday 29th January 7:15 pm circle up from The Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell, Newton Abbot TQ12 5JB with the Grand Master and friends.

 And, after the fiasco of the previous 'friends' trail, Man-Pig has been formally notified that he is indeed a friend. He who should not be nam-ed, might be loitering in a tent. 🙂🙃

 GM informs: Chicken casserole and fresh bread. Numbers at the circle.

Thursday 25 January 2024

TVH3 The Words for 22nd January 2024

Tuckers Maltings Taphouse & Bottle Store, Newton Abbot

Run No. 2004
 
Burns' Night Hash
 
HARES: Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me & Archangel
 
Who wuz there: Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Archangel, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Cheerio Beerio, Hotlips, Zoot, Forrest Stump, Perry, Psycho, Warm front, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Tamsin, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Big End, Roger the Dodger, Fukarewe, Melon Picker, Soapy, Satnav, Coldtits, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Only Here for the Beer, Bobbiball, Wetfart (latter 3 pub only), returnee - last of the Homohicans & special guest of honour, our piper for the evening, Teapot!
 
Circle
Well, this has never happened before. I've sat down to write The Words, and I really don't know where to start.
 
Tonight's Hash had it all: pre-run shots, fancy dress, free food, bagpipes and a closed pub! Yes ladies and gentlemen, an On-Down that was locked and devoid of light and life.
 
In was an inauspicious start to the evening which wasn't helped by a short, but heavy, downpour just as we were about to Circle Up. Was this the tail end of storm Isha or the start of storm Jocelyn?
We all huddled in the porch of the Tap House not knowing what the evening had, or had not, got in store for us.
 
Initially, things looked rather bleak. No pub, no trail and no Hare. Ablesemen had kept detail of tonight's events close to her ample chest but assured us that all had been arranged.... apart from the pub and the trail it appeared.
 
Then, out of nowhere, Ablesemen appeared to impart the following information....err nothing.
Ablesemen and Slip-on-Me confirmed that a trail had been laid. However, arranging for the Taphouse to open especially for us on a Monday night had been left in Archangel's safe and capable hands.....and he wasn't present! 
 
Those who had Archangel's telephone number made urgent attempts to contact him but all were in vain. To calm anxious Hasher's nerves, Slip-on-Me and Satnav distributed pre-run shots of whiskey or rum.
Whilst we were waiting, we were treated to Teignbridge Trotters running up and down Quay Road. They looked a fit bunch. I wondered what they were thinking about us, in fancy dress and drinking shots? "Weirdos. Not runners", probably.
 
Some had elected to wear something Scottish on the run. Others saved their Burns' Night attire for the On-Down (if it eventually opened?).
 
Some of the outfits were excellent. Beefy came with his 6 foot caber which he carried (not for the first time) around the entire trail. Slip-on-Me was trying to convince me that the long brown tail in her tam'o'shanter was an eagle's tail. Hmmm....it looked a lot more like a pheasant's tail to me. 
 
Shitfaced alleged that he was wearing a kilt. However, a mere hour earlier the said kilt had been draped across the window of his caravan....the give-away - a solitary curtain ring! 
 
Wet-Johnny had obviously come as a Scotland football supporter i.e. shorts in the middle of January and a saltire painted on each cheek.
 
The majority of the Hash had made some sort of an effort and they all looked fabulous. All we needed now was a Hare and someone with a key to open the pub.
 
At last. Salvation! The Arkangel Gabriel appeared, seemingly from the heavens. He did not have a key to the pub but advised that all was sorted and that someone would be along shortly to open the pub.
What a relief. Can you imagine it....a dry Burns' Night? The Hash would never live it down.
 
With the shots consumed and the promise of an imminent opening of the Taphouse, it was time to commence the Circle.
 
Smellie needed Hares from 26th February onwards was the only announcement so over to the apparently unflustered Hare, Ablesemen.
 
"There is a Long, a Short and a Walkers' trail. A lot of the trail will be virgin territory....unless you were running with us over twenty years ago! Walkers and Shorts down towards the canal. Longs off up Osbourne Street".
 
Trail
We ran around a bit.
 
The longs looped around Osbourne Park and then along the canal to rejoin the Walkers and the Shorts in Brunel industrial estate. The trail then took us up to the Penn Inn and under the Penn Inn flyover.
The trail now took us parallel with the A380 as we followed marks first along Addison Road and then left and up Laburnum Road. A right onto Ash Way and then a left and into the Penn Inn plantation for a woodland descent back down to the Penn Inn roundabout.
 
Here we rejoined the Walkers' trail along Aller Brook down to the banks of the Teign before a left turn and a return to Brunel industrial estate via the footpath along the bank of the Teign estuary.....simples.
Yes, there was indeed virgin territory in the Milber area. Well done, Ablesemen. How did you mange to get a trail in with all the other bits and bobs you organised on the evening? Multitasking....a skill completely alien to the male gender.
 
Down-Downs
We returned to the pub not really knowing what to expect.
 
There had been rumours that haggis might be available. There was, additionally, the slimmest of slim chances that Teapot might be well enough to pipe in the Haggis. That would be wonderful, but unlikely, I thought.
 
Well, Ablesemen could get a job at MI5 with her ability to keep a secret. On entering the Taphouse the first person I saw was Pork Torpedo resplendent in full Scottish evening dress attire. Behind him a table laden with food, but not just any food. On closer inspection, almost all Scottish in origin.
 
Scottish salmon rolls, crannickan (a Scottish desert), Tunnocks tea cakes (Tunnocks are made in Scotland and Tunnocks are currently the biggest sponsor of London Scottish RFC) and some peculiarly named Manpig sausage rolls. 
 
Ablesemen and her helpers, Satnav and Slip-on-Me must have spent ages laying on all this. What a fantastic effort.
 
But the best was still to come. The Hash were delighted to welcome back Teapot, replete with bagpipes. It was fantastic to have him back. 
 
But it was more meaningful than that. It was heartwarming. A valuable part of the very fabric of TVH had, once again, been reunited with the tapestry that is TVH3.
 
Teapot fired up his pipes and, after a bit of a misfire, we were up and running. Teapot preceded Pork Torpedo and the silver salver of haggis twice around the Taphouse bar, his drone displacing a goodly number of fairy lights in its wake.
 
Pork Torpedo then gave the traditional Burns' Night address to the Haggis...all with verses of it by memory. How does he do it? Whilst the haggis was being sliced and put on oatmeal cakes, Teapot continued playing....now with Flower of Scotland. It was a wonderful spectacle enjoyed by all.
 
Scottish themed attire had been changed for indoor use. Forrest Stump had come as a lumber jack, Psycho had only a small tartan scarf as homage to the Scottish themed evening but she made up for it by ordering an alcoholic Irn-Bru. Warm Front was wearing her tartan pyjama trousers and Smellie was looking marvellous in a tartan skirt (but not a size 8 this year!) and Laphroaig bobble hat - courtesy of one of the pub suppliers.
 
You all looked fantastic. Thankyou for making the effort....just brilliant and Teapot's attendance was the icing on the cake.
 
Once a sizeable dent had been made in the scoff, it was time for the Down-Downs. Part time thespian, Forrest-Stump assumed the role of RA for our Burns' night extravaganza.
 
First up were Down-Downs for our three main organisers for the evening, Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me and Pork Torpedo; and what a fantastic job they all did. Poor Pork Torpedo additionally had to come up with a song for his own Down-Down...Aladdin and his broken lamp.
 
Next up was Teapot As we all know, the past six months has not been a good time for Teapot and his family. Nonetheless, Teapot wanted to say thank you to the Hash in his own way for the support that we have offered him over the period; visits, cards, phone calls and messages have all been such a pickup for him.
 
Four people in particular deserve special mention; Pisswell for coming to see him so often, Beefy for cycling all the way down from Widdicombe -in-the Moor to visit him in hospital, Ablesemen for tireless support and Wetfart - especially for his visits to his home.
 
There are flowers for Pisswell and Ablesemen and a bottle of wine each for Beefy and Wetfart. It is all warmly received and somewhat humbling. We all wish you the speediest of recoveries and many, many more Hashes together.
 
Next there was a firework break....if we could light the damn things. We all shuffled outside. It was a little breezy but at least it was not raining.
 
I seem to recall that a small box of matches contains 49. I think Melonpicker got to about number 42 before he managed to ignite the box of mini rockets....but he got there in the end. With that it was back inside for part two of the Down-Downs.
 
The first down-down of part two went to the only Hare on trail - Arkangel. Pork Torpedo came up with "Twenty Toes".
 
There was a 50th run badge to award. But to whom? Forrest knew and immediately tried giving it to Slip-on-Me. this, despite Forrest having given Slip-on-Me her 200th run badge at last week's Hash. The scene was reset. 
 
This time he wanted to give it to Warm Front. Continuing last week's panto theme, the Hash shouted out, "Oh no it isn't". There was a second reset. Forrest is threatened with being banned from future RA'ing before he eventually settled on Strap-Dancer.
 
There was only one award present from previous weeks. Shitfaced had the Jester's Hat. The nomination was all to obvious. For his senior moment , Shitfaced gives the Jester's hat to a thoroughly deserving RA. The songmeiter piped up with, "He's no bloody use for anything....." Quite apt really.
 
Were there any stories? Regrettably, yes. Pork Torpedo stepped forward in full Scottish regalia to remind us all of what is, and is not, worn under the kilt. Pork Torpedo went on to remind everyone of the shameful events that were "uncovered" at the TVH3 Christmas Party. 
 
Oh dear. I could see this unfolding before me in slow motion. It was just like recalling a car accident - both inevitable and unavoidable. 
 
And so it was that the only other bekilted Hasher got to get his underpants back. But, there was a catch. Well, there would be with Pork Torpedo. The guilty party would have to drink his Down-Down through his pants!
 
"Back or front" Pork Torpedo invited the pack to chose.
 
"Back" was the answer. The Pig was blindfolded with his own grundies and forced to down his half of ale through said attire......and Horny had only just washed and ironed them too!
 
The last half of ale needed dispatching, and we had a birthday. A big birthday. Someone would be 70 on Thursday. It was Slip-on-Me. Ablesemen had arranged a card which had been signed by all of the Hash. Now it was time to give Slip-on-Me her card and birthday Down-Down - and a birthday cake!. As per usual, all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order.
 
Finally a big "Thankyou" to the pub for the Down-Downs and opening especially for us.
 
Next week
Next week's Hash is from the Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell. The Hares are Shitfaced and friends, I think.
 
On-On to next week. MP

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