RETREAT TO BROADHEMPSTON!

Run #2143 Monday 24th August Circle up 7:15 pm from The Monks Retreat, Broadhempston TQ9 6BN with Fukarwe. Should be plenty of parking space nearby. Great little pub, wish we had one like this as our local!

 

TVH THE WORDS

Pirating at Stoke Gabriel

Hash no 2142 on Monday August 17th.

Who woz there?

Strap on , Strap dancer, Pyscho, SMEllie, Coldtits, Manpig, Forrest, Archangel, Well hopped, and Simba, Roger the Dodger, Swinger and son, Devon ( needs a better name) and 2 other German friends, Beefy, Pisswell, Wetfart, Fuckarwe, SMEllie, Beeflicker, Jo, Polyfeller, Wetfart, Triplejump, Deep Semen. 

 

The circle:

Forrest officiated as GM and Pisswell collected the booty. Where was ee, Jim lad?

SMEllie asked for hares

 

Pisswell volunteered to do the words. 

 

The circle:

The hare, Pisswell asked for everyone to repeat Aaars, so there was a lot of aaars as only us pirates can do. No swimming as there was sharks in the water but wading was allowed, if caught be the tide.

She hare split hashers into three groups and told them to stay together as us didn’t want to sink the ship. Don’t know if she said there was a ship? There was no checks, apart from one little one, walkers 1 1/2, shorts 3 and longs 5miles maybe, and if unsure return to the CP regroup circle. What er shoulda zaid was another matter!

So, we were off as the ship sailed into the arbour!

 

 

Wellerman

Song by Nathan Evans and Santiano ‧ 2021

https://youtu.be/bNQSMTNSnUw?is=gceugLLgmrL6lzx2

There once was a hash that put to sea

The name of the hash was the Teign valley Stoke-Gabriel, they learned the ropes

So Row, my hasher boys, row (huh)

All hope the Weatherman’s right

Don’t sink our boat, with rain all night

One day, when the anchor we weigh

We'll drink some rum and go

Walkers didn’t have to run

They sailed the ship to Duncannon

The Captain called all hands on deck

He’d seen the land ahoy! Huh

Here’s where the piratings done

Longs take the vessel and steal the rum

One day, when the plunderings done

They’ll take the ship and go

Da-da, da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da,

Da-da-da-fa-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da

The walkers they went steep up hill

Their sea legs meant they all felt ill

The others sailing, soon felt sick

But tide waits for no man. (huh)

Soon may the drinking get done

With tank-ards that are full of rum

One day, when they go off their legs

It’ll help if they’ve just one!

No run was cut, no time was freed

The captain's mind was not on speed

He gave them rum, that’s all they need

and took the shorts next trip

Soon may the mermaids come

You see them when you’re drunk on rum!

One day, when your eye patch’s gone

You’ll see they’re fake and go

Da-da, da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da,

Da-da-da-fa-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da

A’bout half the men or even more

Ran cross the weir, Mill pond, be-fore

Our boat was lost, t’was all folk lore

And so our ship went down.

Soon may we all be done

We lost the booty and all the rum

Rog-er, he walked the plank

Jolly but overboard!

As far as I've heard, they’re all alive

Captain’s back to his fisherman’s wife

Captain Birds Eye,floundered by foes

Now sells fish fingers, as well as toes!

Soon may the other longs come

Who’ve beaten the tide, too late for some

One day, when the head count is done

Know dead men tell no lies!

Soon may the down downs get done

The Castle inn is where we’ll come

One day, when the parrot is dead

We’ll be glad that ship has sailed.

 

The out takes:

The walkers was perfect. (SMEllie and Manpig identifying for a short while as walkers, thank you)

The longs……..well I shoulda zaid that after the long ha ha, they had to loop round the millpond like the shorts. Me plans was pretty ship! Wrecked by misunderstanding! But eventually they all made it to Duncannon and nearly sunk the boat, there was so many of them! What appened to the groups?

Us all sung sea shanty’s, necked the grog, plundered the pieces of eight and zaid aaaarrr. Aaarrr!

Back again at Stoke Gabriel, the longs were sent on a sea mission to find the shorts. Coldtits had been seen waving. (was it Coldtits?) but where were the rest? Did the hare say Aaarrr so much that they didn’t hear any others instructions? Did the hare even say there was a ship? 

 

Us sailed back to Duncannon like a ghost ship with no one on board but the 3 crew. But then we heard someone shouting help! And then was Coldtits! So us launched the lifeboats and made a daring sea rescue in the dimsky light. And the rest were presumed dead. 

 

The down downs

After squeezing out our wet clothes us returned to the welcoming lights of the Castle Inn for fish finger baps, caught by Captain Birdseye imself. 

 

So what shall we do with the drunken zailors? Down downs were given to :

1 Triple jump for kindness to the ships cat, I think. (Well I heard something about stroking her pussy)

2. SMEllie was next for taking a fancy to Forrest and his sexy new leg!

3. Then Swingers two German friends got a down down probably for not even getting in the ship! (The same as Swinger and the children, one legged pirates and the Archangel Gabriel) Health and safety gone crazy!

4. Jo for winning the most ansom pirate and I must say she even surpassed Forrest with his wooden leg. (getting a bit same old Forrest, try something new)

5. There were no mermaids, confirming that mermaids can’t run!

Big thanks to David and Jill for the plundering of their ship. 

 

Thank you pirates for your great aaaarrs, reminding me of “avast behind” for some reason! Maybe next time we’ll get you all a tattoo so you can follow each others aaaarrrrs!

And so, apologies for the confusion. 70% success was a good start at pirating. As to all those people who didn’t get on the ship and were left to flounder, all bodies were finally recovered and hopefully will be available for viewing next week at the Monks Retreat, Broadhempston with Fuckarwe officiating. 

On on to next week.Pisswell x

It be Pirate night

Run #2142 Monday 17th August Circle up 7:15 pm from the car park by the weir at Stoke Gabriel TQ9 6RD (down the hill), with the on down at the Castle inn TQ9 6RZ .

Spaces are limited so you may have to park up near the Castle pub and walk down. May be fish finger sandwiches available by donation of pieces of eight.

IMPORTANT!

Please arrive dressed as pirates or mermaids. Get there before the ship has sailed, as tide waits for no man and the hare, Pisswell, wants you to learn the ropes, before we weigh anchor at 7.15. Remember dead men tell no lies. Those left behind, will be left to flounder and avast behind!

Words for TVH3 #2141

10th August 2026

Hare: Shitfaced.

 

"CJ?CJ!"

 

"Ah, there you are. Bring my writing slippers would you, please?"

"No, I said 'writing', not 'fighting'."

"No, no, those are for Elevenses and Tiffin."

"Yes, those. Now I can begin."

 

Dear Sir,

Regarding the return you made,

To the business of Hash and the Trail you laid:

It's been too long since we've seen you out,

(Do you blame work or, a touch of gout?)

Your venue was amended but, the Hash was unaffected,

Your co-hare had intended but, then went undetected,

The Park Inn we befriended 'cause the is Hare well-connected.

 

Announcements:

Our Hare the credit will claim

For thirty one fools in the frame,

Returnees and guest,

GM did his best

but, he couldn't remember their name.

If bar-b and disco's your thing,

to Teignmouth your tent you can bring

A rugby club bash,

For not too much cash,

And go home with your head in a sling.

Christow show run had a mention,

So if fitness is more your intention

Forrest would so

Love to see you all go

Round a course of his sole invention.

I'd like to confess that I had a real fear

That a worthy trail would fail to appear when you said that there were three

And what the distance would be

The sorrow that I felt was quite sincere.

A run round 'Kerswell lanes is just the ticket.

No marks on those false trails? That's just not cricket.

We revelled in the drama

Of the sunset panorama

But a lesser man would tell you where to stick it!

Counting pubs that we passed or went near?

On this subject we weren't really clear.

Whilst out on the Long

Two of us went wrong

And missed out the Linney. Oh dear!

By Harry, this cannot be right!

A long split, the pub almost in sight?

This could really get one's goat

There should be beer going down the throat

No, we're subject of his sleight.

There's one thing we'd like you to know:

You put on a jolly good show.

It's so easy-going

With food, and beer flowing

Say those of us named just below.

 

Yours faithfully and cetera and so forth

 

Beefy, Pisswell, SMEllie, Warm Front, Twin Cheeks, Miss Inn, Psycho, Mouldy Dick, Wick Dipper, Roger the Lodger, Ollie, Well Hopped, Big End, Wet Fart, Archangel, Pocket Rocket, Bee Flicker, Jo, Man Pig, Strap Dancer, Strap-On, Fukarwe, Coldtits, Able Semen, Flying Pig, Rise and Shine, Zen Emptiness, Monica, Georgie P'Orgy and Piltdown Man. 

 

For those who are interested, the Trail went something like this:

 

Out of the pub car park and right onto School Road. Check right to Dobbin Arch, over the railway and left onto Church End Road. Past the church and right to Foredown Lane. Check left up Maddacombe Road, over the South Devon Highway, left across the car park to the steep descent to Church Way Lane. At the end, a left turn onto Whilborough Road and left onto Huxnor Road. South Devon Highway was under us, again, as we reached Yon Street. Back over the railway to Rose Hill and left down Daccabridge Road, a climb to Fore Street followed by a down gradient to Torquay Road. We headed for the Hare and Hounds where we doubled back up Southey Lane, up to the roundabout and right onto Daccombe Mill Lane at the end of which we turned right. Shortly, a left took us along a gated thoroughfare, following a brook, then on to Willow Park Lane and then the gulley to Coffinswell Lane. Then it was left onto Bushmead Avenue, through to Priory Avenue leading to Newton Road. We continued onto Torquay Road where, unbelievably, we ran past Cole's Lane for last Long split. So, for us, it was Aller Road to Aller Cross, taking us over the railway again. We hit Old Newton Road which took us back to Church End Road, our fourth railway crossing and On Home the way we had come out.

7.7 miles recorded, for a great deal of which I tried to keep pace with Warm Front so, it turned into quite a workout. Thanks Warm Front 

 

And thanks, Shitfaced, for the great Trail.

Two sets of words

 Scroll down to see Well Hopped Words for Run #2139

PLEASE NOTE VENUE CHANGE

 

TVH THE WORDS Run #2140

 

Monday 3rd August

The Sea Trout at Staverton

Hare: Man-Pig

Who was there:

Hare man pig, archangel, beefy, beeflicker, coldtits, forrest stump, flying pig, fukarewe, knotty, pisswell, piltdown man, simba, s.m.ellie, well hopped, wet fart, ned, chocca and perry, (I think i've forgotten 1 more)

Circle up.

S.m ellie asked for dates for September, most of September is free so desperately need hares.

Archangel reminded everyone about the bbq on the 15th and asked for numbers.

Piltdown demanded cash, beefy did his hash flash all while we waited for the hare to turn up, who happened to be waiting for s.m.ellie at the train station, who just happened to be at the circle up. Or something was going to go wrong today, that was it, shirley.

Man pig finally arrived and explained that there's a W/L/S, 2x swim stops ( I'm positive he said sweety stop) pub will stay open past 9pm for us as previously arranged, and for us to ignore yellow chalked marks on posts as his precise military planning had ensured we have a drama free hash. The 7p's have really come into play for tonight.

The trail...

With a change of instructions, man pig told us to F.OFF that way, so we exited the car park and headed down hill, being in the middle of nowhere, we could be as loud as we wished so lots of on ons were called.

Along eight trees, the walkers broke off right while the rest of us carried on and then turned left down south ford lane, we all stayed in a pack for most of the trail. It was great we were all together. We then turned right down a plot path in the trees along the river all the way to Staverton train station.

Flying pig, simba, beefy and beeflicker would be doing a lot of checking from here. We ran past the station and a long haul along the road before bearing right up a bridleway, which kept going up and up. At the top we turned right and then quickly left and down the hill bearing right before breaking off the road onto another bridleway which again went up and up and up.

At the end of the path, we pretty much went straight across the road and down another wooded pathway where we came to the L/S split.

Knotty opted for the shorts while everyone else apart from, forrest, archangel and coldtits who were not to be seen, not sure where they got too, (maybe we will find out later).

From the split, the long headed down a freshly cut pathway with many hashers being stabbed by thorns through their trainers while pisswell played with the horse, wafting the flies from its face, could have done with you doing that for us in the bridleways with all the flies and bugs we encountered!

At the end of the fields, we turned right down a short road and then right again along another bug infested bridleway and climbed up and up until we hit the road. The FRB's waited here for the ladies and manpig and I took the opportunity to admire the views and take some pics.

We were all back together again so we headed off down hill, fukarewe leading the pack to claim the glory of being in front and 1st back. While running down the hill, we came to sandy Lane where the missing coldtits, archangel and forrest were caught being SCBs but archangel and forrest protested that coldtits led them astray and made them do it. I think it was safer for them to obey her orders. From here we all ran together down the last little bit of the hill and back to the pub.

Pisswell, S.m.ellie, flying pig and beeflicker decided to do a bit extra and back to the swim stop for a swim in the river and a dip to her waist for S.m.ellie. Beeflicker had to beg and admit to pisswell that she is the queen of and best at laying trails in order to get his trainers back which were destined for a swim of their own, before running back to the pub for the down downs.

Upon getting back to the pub, man pig and beefy were waiting as the pub had closed on us so we had no venue, another thing to go wrong, shirley nothing else could as manpig had planned it with precision, so we headed to the Dartbridge inn where fukarewe, forrest and archangel were already sat outside swigging down the beers.

Once all outside, we decided to proceed with the down downs, what else could possible go wrong?

The 1st down down went to S.m.ellie for being lost and found and for going for a swim even though she can't swim, man pig could have been needed to administer CPR if ellie drowned.

The 2nd down down went to... hold that, we had a visit from the bar maid ordering us to be quiet as they were also a hotel and guests were trying to sleep, with the pub being right next to a busy main road we could hardly hear ourselves speak as it was, shirley the guests could help themselves by closing their windows. Bad things come in 3s they say and that was the 3rd, anyway, onto the shshshshshs down down number 2..

This went to flying pig for telling pisswell she was mean for wanting to throw beeflickers trainers in the river. Down down number 3 was awarded to forrest for arriving to the start at the wrong pub, which turned out to be the right pub in the end.

The last.down down went to.... ooooh hold that thought again as we had another visitor from the pub staff, this time a telling off for fukarewe and archangel for parking their cars in the carpark but not in parking spaces, they had parked blocking the restricted areas blocking other cars and were ordered to move them, it's a good job we were leaving soon..

So, the last down down was for the hare himself. Manpig had the last half pint for an amazing, fault and hassle free trail where with so much planning and organising, nothing could possibly go wrong... this shirley has to be trail of the year, not just for the trail but the antics that happened throughout. This will definitely be one of those trails that no one will forget.

Amazing trail manpig and a lot of laughter and enjoyment, thank you.

On on to only here for the beers house for bbq. Bring money, hopefully, we won't have to be quiet there!

On on. BEEFLICKER

Better late than never, so the saying goes so here are your TVH3 Words for 27th July 2026 - The Bay Horse Inn, Ashburton - Run No. 2139 (I think!)

 

HARES: Piltdown Man & Georgy Porgy

Who wuz there: Beefy, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy & grand daughter Monica, Coldtits, Psycho, Miss'in, Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Melon Picker, Strap-On, Ernie, Fuckarwe, Slip On Me, Able, Wetfart - and anyone else I may have forgotten!

No announcements in the circle, other than who would write the words, which I offered to do and then forgot about until today, when a lovely hasher who shall remain nameless gave me a litle nudge!

Beeflicker introduced Virgin Hasher Jo and Psycho managed to arrive late with fancy new shoes which no one noticed but me

The trail

A longs, short and walkers. We all headed off together as a pack from the pub and straight upwards along "The Terrace". The views here are spectacular, and a big consolation for the climb. At the end we then weaved our way through some residential areas towards South Devon Community College. Big End knew where we were when we passed the Cricket Club! Then, it all went awry. Having missed a L/S split, due to a directional blob of "dust" taking us left (Beefy has photographic proof), we all followed the flour and missed it!

Once we caught up with a rather confused looking co-hare at a S/W split further on, Georgy told us we had missed the long. Big End, Strap On and I opted to continue on the short and went right. Man Pig and Psycho opted to retrace their steps to find the long.

So on the shorts, we climbed up another unforgiving hill and then went left over some fields, first full of sheep, and then full of rather frisky young bullocks. Big End and I passed without issue, but for some reason they liked the look of Strap On a bit more and began to chase him down the field. Strap On waved his arms around and made some interesting noises to try and deter them, while Fuckarwe and Ernie watched from a safe distance further up hill. Fortuntely he made it out and the bullocks lost interest in any other hashers who crossed their path.

Now we found ourselves following along the bottom on the Terrace, where we had started, so we'd done a full loop. At this point we caught up with RtD and Melon Picker on the Walkers trail, and then Miss'in, Beeflicker and Jo arrived too. Miss'in called OH and then looked at the distance and was perplexed as we'd only done 2 miles. Surely we weren't going straight back to the pub, as the hares said the short was 3.5 miles?

We continued all the same and met Pisswell and Beefy who had also missed the first L/S split. When we informed them of this, they both opted to run back and find the long - adding almost 2 miles of extra trail on to their evening.

Back at the pub, Big End was done for the evening but I wished to run a bit more, so turned heel and ran back up and around The Terrace to get some more mileage and elevation in. Miss'in, Beeflicker & Jo opted to do the Walkers trail.

We all arrived back at the pub in dribs and drabs, having done a range of different trail options. Still, it was a beautiful evening and a lovely trail so everyone was happy. Thank you to the hares!

The down downs:

No awards so we had to make it up as we went along!

Piltdown took an ale as hare, and actually swallowed it in record time!

Strap On received one for this antics with the bullocks

Monica received a water for her tree climbing abilities

Am I right in saying Jo, also got one for her virgin trail?

Brain is a bit sketchy. A lot can happen in a week, but I hope you enjoyed reading it all the same.

On, on to TONIGHT for a hash trail from the Sea Trout Inn in Staverton!

Well Hopped x

Words

 Still awaiting, will publish on arrival.

Sea Trout Inn at Staverton

 Run #2140 Monday 3rd August Circle up 7:15 pm from the Sea Trout Inn at Staverton with Man-Pig who sends the stark but informative advice: 

There will be no food and the bar shuts at 10 so:

eat before you come out
do the walkers or the shorts if you want more beer time. On-On
There is a fair-sized car park.