COURT FARM INN

 Run #2128 Monday 11th May Circle up 7:15 pm from the Court Farm Inn, Abbotskerswell, Newton Abbot TQ12 5NY with Strap-on.

 

COASTAL PATH, EIGHT LANES, BOTANICAL GARDENS AND RIVER BANK

You had it all!

 TVH THE WORDS

#2127 Monday 4th May

OD and BBQ Shaldon beach

 

Who was there:
Well Hopped, Swinger, Big End, Emma, Simba (I think it was), Roger the Dodger, Beefy, Pisswell, Wetfart, Pollyfella, Beeflicker, Man Pig, SM.ellie, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgie, Psycho, Miss Inn, Tongue and Groove, Woodlend, Pocket Rocket, Bluebird, Kermit, (both not on trail) Camel Toe and Sugar Puff (I think) + a virgin,
(Sorry if I missed anyone)

What we expected (according to the weather man).
A washed-out trail due to rain all day, no pub as they didn't want us, no beach and bbq because of rain and everyone going home early because of rain.

What we actually got was a fantastic trail, some great down downs, a lovely bbq cooked by the glamorous and gorgeous Swinger and lots of laughter. Who needs that pub anyway, it was their loss!

Circle up, a fantastic turn out for a bank holiday, many returnees and a virgin (+ a virgin chicken)
On arriving at the car park, I came upon one of the hares, sat in her car, not laying trails, making hare number 2 do all the work, yes, Well Hopped, hang your head in shame.

As 19:15 tolled, the hares were called to circle up, just as Swinger got back from laying ALL the trails. Georgie Porgie was quick off the mark to volunteer for the words but decided going on holiday was more important so Beeflicker stepped up and offered instead.

Returnees were welcomed and a virgin was introduced, what an amazing 1st hash to have. S.M ellie would like some dates, Manpig quickly offered but then declined when it was explained the dates are for laying trails and not a date date.
The hares stepped up (well the hare and Well Hopped) and informed us was 3 trails, 3 and on, laid in flour, yellow chalk and on the right, mostly, all with a great impression of an old lady. And down downs on the beach where Swinger will be treating us all.

The trail took us through the car park and onto the coastal path, loads of checks had us going all over the place but we descended down a hill and onto the massive 1st climb of the day. At the summit, we descended down onto the Teignmouth road and back onto the coastal path before turning right and up hill number 2 back again to the Teignmouth road, where we encountered some cows which
1. Made Pocket Rocket cut his hash short as they terrorised him and
2. If Well Hopped had laid the trail as she said, would have known the cows were there and not needed to ask everyone else. Hmmmm

Over the road and right up Commons lane, hill number 3 loomed and then a left at the top onto Butterfly lane. A long descent with some spectacular views over Teignmouth, Shaldon and Bishopsteignton.

At the end of the lane, we turned right on to Long lane and right again onto Short lane, it was nice to have some downhill after all those up and up hills. Swinger really had worked hard on laying this trail. It was a right again and then quickly left down Waterworks lane and onto Brooks lane, Poppy's lane and Salty lane followed by a lovely run by the riverside along the banks to the car park.
I'm not sure where the walkers or shorts went apart from the beautiful botanical gardens which were mentioned for the shorts.

Thank you ladies for a beautiful hash.
And thank you to Pisswell and Tongue and Groove for getting the chicken around safely.

Back at the on down....

Well, the pub didn't want us, apparently they were too busy so we went onto the beach instead. The pub's loss as apparently they were empty when we had all finished hashing, and our gain as Swinger had laid some blankets down on the beach for us, had a bbq on the go, beers to the side for the down downs, and welcomed everyone with a beautiful smile. Ich habe noch nie jemanden so hübsch aussehen sehen.

Many people didn't make it to the beach or stay very long but after having a beer, a good old chat and some food, the down downs began.

1st was pisswell who was awarded the chicken (I'm not going into details here so please forgive me) but she was there in the time of need. Many people in the world always say the doors are always open, or here if you need me but never are, well, Wednesday night, Pisswell was. Thank you so much, a down down to Florence nightingale.

2nd was a naming, it was Well Hopped young daughter. After a cheer off, 2 choices were clearly out of the running, Little Miss Sunshine was runner up but our young Harriet came to be known as Cuckoo.

3rd was our 2 fantastic hares for an amazing trail, an amazing on down and fantastic hostessing, here's to Well Hopped and the glamorous Swinger.

4th was for Kermit, a returnee who found a check outside his house so left a fantastic piece of hash memorabilia inside the check to get people curious. Hope to see you more often Kermit.
Finally it was our returnee Bluebird, I can't remember what this was for, whether it was for being a returnee or telling us about his time here during the war, whatever it was, it was well deserved.

I dare say I speak for everyone else who came when I say this was an amazing evening and thoroughly enjoyed by all so again thank you.

Finally, just as the last of us were about to leave, Beeflicker decided he was going to lose his car key on the beach... disaster had struck but with the help of Bluebird, Beefy and Pisswell and their torches, the key was found.

Thank you to everyone for a great evening,

On on to Court Farm Inn with Strap-on next Monday

Beeflicker x

Why not Trott along?

A chance to see the up and coming thespian, Forrest, starring as a youthful Jim Trott (Trevor Peacock) in the Vicar of Dibley presentation at Dunsford Village Hall on the 14th, 15th and 16th May upcoming.

 

Facebook comments to header photo #2126

Jez Knight

We are in debt to folk such as these.

So Cruise

A timeless photo which could be a throwback to any hash: A golden line-up of Teign Valley Hash all-stars - Teapot, Able Semen, Wetfart and Bobbiball.

Calum MacIntosh

Timeless, selfless and an inspiration for those of us who followed. Thankyou.

DIARY INTO SUMMER

 Looking good, a few dates to fill. Contact SM Ellie if you fancy laying a trail.

BANK HOLIDAY BEACH & BEER

Run #2127 Monday 4th May Circle up 7:15 pm from the Ness car park at Shaldon TQ14 0DP with Swinger and Well Hopped. On Down Shaldon beach BYOB

Words for #2126 with Piltdown and Georgy by Swinger

 

Alright you lot, gather round…

First of all—I’ve been nominated to do these words… for absolutely no reason. They asked for volunteers, and at that exact moment I was just standing there innocently fiddling with my hair… and somehow that counted as volunteering. So here we are. 

 

Now before I go any further—quick disclaimer. I’m German, and I still don’t really know who any of you are. Between real names, hash names, and whatever aliases you’ve invented after a few beers… I’m completely lost. So if I get anything wrong tonight—I apologise. But also… it’s probably your fault for having ridiculous names.

 

Tonight’s trail kicked off in glorious fashion in Torquay at the Kents Cavern pub.

We had checks. Lots of checks. Checks going left, right, possibly backwards, and at one point I’m fairly sure one went emotionally sideways. But fear not—because at the front we had Warm Front, Beefy, and Beeflicker, heroically doing all the hard work… while the rest of us demonstrated our core hashing skill: blind optimism and following whoever looked least confused.

 

The evening itself—absolutely stunning. Sunshine, warmth, and those ridiculous Torquay views that almost make you forget your legs are questioning your life choices. We cruised through Wellswood, past houses worth millions—definitely not stopping for a quick house viewing… just pretending we belong there.

 

Of course, it wouldn’t be a proper trail without a bit of chaos. Somewhere along the way, marks went missing… or we stopped understanding them… or both. At one point, Pisswell became absolutely convinced she’d found a mark… and strongly encouraged everyone else to taste what may or may not have been bird poo on the floor… just to confirm it was flour. Interestingly, she did not volunteer to try it herself. A true leader.

 

And actually… after tonight, I think Pisswell did deserve a down-down. Not just for the bird poo incident—but also for proudly introducing herself by her hashing name to a very wholesome local walking group. One of them asked what we were called… and as soon as Pisswell answered, the poor person in charge was already trying to move them along as quickly as possible. Can’t imagine why.

So naturally, we did what any sensible group would do—we cut the trail short. Meanwhile, the overachievers found the actual route and casually added another two miles. Show-offs.

 

There were also reports of “secret wees”… which in hashing terms means absolutely nobody was fooled. And on the way back, we encountered… let’s call him a local philosopher. He began with pasta for dinner, transitioned smoothly into prostitutes, and ultimately held a deep and meaningful conversation with a plant pot. Honestly...just another normal evening in Torquay.

 

Now, let’s not forget tonight’s intellectual challenge: counting steps. A bottle of prosecco was up for grabs for whoever got it right. The official number, as confirmed by the hasher, was 574… and who won the prize? Someone who didn’t even do the trail. Honestly, that feels very on-brand for this group.

As for down-downs… with the information I have—and remember, I barely know who any of you are—I only recall Pisswell and Roger the Dodger. Pisswell obviously deserved one… possibly more. And Roger the Dodger, clearly concerned for the wellbeing of a missing hasher, was ready to launch a full rescue mission… only to discover it was just someone off on a tactical wee. A true hero, nonetheless.

All in all—an amazing trail. Stunning views, just the right amount of confusion, questionable decision-making, and a reminder that no matter how well a trail is set, we will always find a way to make it slightly worse… and far more entertaining.

 

On-on! Weiter weiter! Prost!

7:15 PM SHARP!

Run #2126 Monday 27th April Circle up 7:15 pm sharp from The Kent's. 1 Ilsham Rd, Wellswood, Torquay TQ1 2JG with Piltdown and Georgy.

Please try and and get to the circle on time as I understand that trails will be starting promptly at 7:20 from now on.

The pub stops serving food at 8.45, so order food before you go, or pre-order. Parking should be fine leading up to the pub and alongside the church. Beware of the speed camera, by where the Palace Hotel used to be, just before you park up. 

 

 

TVH THE WORDS #2125 PLUS BEEFY'S ODE TO WIDECOMBE!

The words, hash no 2125, 20/4/26 from the Rugglestone, Widecombe.

Hare: Beefy

Nearly St George’s day hash 

 

Who wuz there: A really good turnout for the wilds of Dartmoor with Strap on, Strap dancer, SMEllie, Manpig, Woodlend, Tongue and Groove, Coldtits, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Rodger the Dodger, Big End, Well hopped, Wet fart, Georgie Porgie, Piltdown man, Warmfront and Pocket Rocket.

And returnees: Fuckarwe, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Deep Semen

 

The circle: With a minute to spare before the start and our last arrival, Piltdown man announced next weeks hash in Torquay, at the Kent’s inn, which he warned would be very steep. As he went on to get numbers for scoff, he was stopped for going over the start time and for premature Annunciation. 

 

Pisswell also got over excited by trying to remind the GM ( who was nervously looking at his watch for 5 minutes) that he should welcome the returnees, particularly Deep Semen, whose name she had struggled to remember. Unfortunately, in putting up her hand to say this, she nominated herself for these words and to buy the Live and Let Live Inn at Landscove!

 

The hare: An unknown mileage in an Easterly wind. Walkers DIY, longs longer than shorts etc.

The trail: More to come from Beefy. 

 

The on downs:

As 9 o’ clock deadline approached and GM Pocket Rocket nervously checked and rechecked his watch, a VIP Harriet was still on trail, and hare Beefy kindly had gone to look for signs of her in the churchyard! Pisswell, as RA, herded cats as some hashers were outside and some in the warm, making a social gathering and down downs tricky!

 

She put on the policeman’s helmet to announce that the harriet was alive and the hare would be arriving in the next few minutes. A special dispensation would be awarded and no fine delivered!

Beefy arrived to applause, dressed in his simple knight’s outfit and planning to joist later with fellow Knight, Sir Big End. 

 

He was thanked for the beers and a really excellent trail, as always. 

 

1. So, the first award was to the hare, to “The grand old Hunk of Beef”, who had certainly found some good old hills to walk/ run us up and down again!

2. We always enjoy a No 2! Tongue and Grove, a winner but absent from the awards night, was serenaded “here’s to the newcomer. She’s so blue”. ( she won for newcomer, not her no. 2!)

3. Hares already laid this year were invited to stand up and were toasted for their performance and stamina. They were split into small groups and didn’t know what they were doing! Pisswell explained about her early start that morning and Beefys late start, both at 7 o’clock and discussing getting up at 2 minutes to, or waiting. He had totally forgotten saying that it was like “splitting hares”, as, do a few minutes really matter? Thanks hares for splitting, when most of you didn’t even understand or care! Pisswell asked if anyone had not laid a trail yet, to get some best excuses! However, nearly everyone had, which is just great. Strap dancer fortunately got picked on and admitted to just having co-hared. However, she is busy most Mondays doing other things, which she wouldn’t go into detail about, but which always, always happens on a Monday, no matter what! Question is……is that why Strap on doesn’t do that many trails too? So “Here’s to the split hares…”She drank by straw and with a foot on her head and policeman’s helmet for her punishment.

4. “She’s the meanest”! The Union Jack hat went from Beeflicker to Pisswell for thinking she saw a camel! Although she doesn’t remember this, maybe she saw several as I think there was indeed a caravan in the village carpark. This week she really did see the sea, two Roe deer, a new foal and heard the cuckoo. Beefy had taken the afternoon off and since about three o’clock had been arranging it all! Thanks. Thanks Beeflicker too for your push to the river to get rid of that camel shit!

5. Piltdown man was awarded the jester hat for his premature annunciation and we sang “Why was he born so beautiful?” We then told him to spill it all out and announce his and Georgie’s hash next week, but no one listened as we’d already heard it (as above) and some people ran out the door to get home.

 

Not socialising folks? Down downs a bit long or complicated? Apologies from Pisswell, who was the only one who knew what she was thinking! Please feel free to give it a go yourselves, anytime Remember, “There’s no rules in hashing!”You’d be very welcome. Anyway, the hard core left at 11, as some of them didn’t have far to go for a change, and the others presumably didn’t care! Seriously though, thanks to our lovely hashers. We know it’s a long way, early starts etc so thanks so much to you all for coming and hope you enjoyed seeing a bit of Dartmoor. 

Well done, Beefy. On on to next week. Pisswell x

 

 

The iambic pentameter was never my strong point: I have two left metrical feet so, I apologise for what follows.

 

There is an inn, the Rugglestone Inn,

'neath old Withycombe Hill.

There they serve such beer of taste

That TVH3 went down, in haste,

That night to take their fill.

Under the sun, the evenin began,

The Circle at seven and a quarter.

The Trail had been laid,

Announcements were made,

Get going is now something we oughta.

With thoughts of an ale, checking "right" on the Trail,

Heading off to old Venton Farm,

A short shiggy track, back onto tarmac,

Then Dunstone appeared like a charm.

Up past the chapel with a hill they must grapple,

The prospect is quite devastating.

The dots are still there, they were laid by the Hare,

An experience most elevating.

We all feel the pain of an altitude gain,

As we find our way through living glory.

It soon levels out and without any doubt,

Our senses will tell the whole story.

A flag on the ground and barely a sound,

But a Cuckoo and a distant "On" call,

The S/S was found. It's something renowned

For displeasing a Hash, not at all!

Measure for measure, it's the greatest of pleasure,

To walk or run under the sky

across this fine land. We just understand:

We know how but just can't explain why.

All but one had returned so, the Hare was concerned.

But, was somebody wanting his bed?

"We'll wait for the Hare, he's somewhere out there."

"But, the time's almost nine!" he had said.

Although late to the Trail, carries on without fail,

She's a real Teign Valley anchor.

We gave her a cheer but, embarrassed, I fear.

So, for finishing, I need to thank her.

Demolishing beers to songs and to cheers,

The Down-downs seemed gone in a second.

So, it's over. I'm glad. (The Trail wasn't bad.)

A kind of success, so it's reckoned.

 

Thank you all for turning up.

On on. Beefy.

Editor's note: I think you'll agree that this is magnificent! 

SPRING HAS SPRUNG - RUGGLESTONE & THE MOOR BECKON

 

Run #2125 Monday 20th April Circle up 7:15 pm from the Rugglestone Inn, Widecombe in the Moor, Newton Abbot TQ13 7TF with Beefy. Chips orders at the circle. See te hare's advisory below map:

 

"Qvid me fvgis, tempvs?"

The parochial clock winder has been charged with the task of ensuring that St. Pancras Church Tower will display the correct time (id est Widecombe Time).

A quarter after the seventh hour post meridian, approximately, a Circle will form. Whether, or not, chips are required will be queried.

They may be requested on return from the Trail.

IF THERE IS NO REQUIREMENT, I WILL ADVISE THE PUB TO SWITCH OFF THE FRYERS.

As I understand it:

Chips...................£5

Cheesey Chips....£5.50

Chips off the old block...not available

Chips on the shoulder....not available.

St. George's Day is nigh so, a token of Engla Londe is appropriate.

Breezes from the East might well make it cooler here so, extra clothing might be in order.

On on, Beefy.