PLEASE NOTE THE CIRCLE LOCATION MONDAY 22ND APRIL

 

Run #2017 Monday 22nd April circle up 7:15 pm from the Two Crosses car park outside Widecombe in the Moor. Nearest postcode is TQ13 7TU.

 Exact location and map at: https://what3words.com/sling.maybe.objective

On Down is at the Rugglestone Inn TQ13 7TF

Our hare is Beefy.

St George's Day theme, dress up in red and white and bring your dragon if you have one tethered in the garden!

TVH3 The Words for 15th April 2024

 

The Nobody Inn, Doddiscombsleigh

Run No. 2016

 

HARES: Forrest-Stump & Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Threesum, Base Camp, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Shay, Beefy, Psycho, Beeflicker, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Fukarewe, Ernie, Melonpicker, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Archangel, Woodland Only Here for the Beer, Wet Johnny, Manopause Magnifico and welcome back to returnees Poacher and 69, and finally, special guest of honour, Broken Man.

 

Circle

 A dry, but cold and breezy evening, greeted us for our first run from the Nobody Inn for nearly 25 years. The Hare fretted that numbers would be low due to the On-Down being quite a long way out for most. On the other hand, curiosity would be high as most Hashers had never been to the Nobody Inn before. 

 

As it turned out, Forrest had nothing too worry about (apart from the wind) as numbers hit 31.

The were very few announcements. Smellie needs Hares from 20th May onwards. And then it was over to the Hare where the first order of business was to confirm if numbers for food (a spicy chilli) remained at twelve.

 

The Hare's description of the trails was the briefest yet:

"Out of the car park park". Whereupon Forrest marked the Shorts and the Walkers whilst man-Pig marked the Longs in the opposite direction.

 

Trail

Well, I can truly say that the entire trail was virgin territory for me. I have only been to the Nobody Inn once before when it was the On-Down but the trail itself had started and finished at Mr Softy's farm which is about three miles away.

 

The Longs went up towards the church and found no marks. This was, perhaps, not unsurprising. The wind had been the bane of this trail. We had laid it in the morning when gusts exceeded 50mph. 

 

When we backtracked over some of the earlier marks at the end of the lay, they were no longer there. Not a sign of them. Hence poor old Forrest spent the best part of the afternoon re-laying them. That's dedication for you. I guess that the marks were adequate as we all seemed to get back OK.

 

Opposite the church there is a footpath. The back check had been blown away so a call of "On back" was required to get the Longs back on trail. We had gone all of 250m by this stage. 

 

The Longs comprised Beeflicker, Beefy, Psycho, Shay, Ernie, Fukarewe and Smellie with Man-Pig sweeping. 

 

The blown-out marks necessitated some guidance from the Hare in the first field that contained horses. but once corralled into the bottom far corner of the field (hashers not the horses) the trail was clearly discernible as it joined up with the Walkers' and the Shorts' trail.

 

With all Hashers back into a single group, we ascended a public footpath up towards Apridge Farm and the Walkers/Long & Short's split.

 

The Walkers got even more virgin territory by being temporarily diverted into a couple of Forrest's fields before rejoining the road and a steep descent for an all road return to the pub. 

 

For everyone else it was straight across the road to embark on the public footpath that drops down to Batts Brook before the long climb up to Easternhill Hill Farm.

 

This part of the trail was particularly scenic. The trail was initially a little marshy and then passed over a small wooden footbridge spanning the brook. We then hugged the right hand hedge line for the long climb up to some woods. 

 

Therein, we were pretty much on the level before tumbling down a slight descent before leaving the woods for another field and another climb. 

 

Near Easternhill Farm, the marks changed from sawdust to dead sheep. Finally, another long climb to join a lane near the aptly named, "Windy Cross".

 

The trail now took us downhill and to Matthew's Farm and the second Long/Short split. 

 

Forrest had got permission to cross Matthew's farm. This was the windiest part of the trail and from here you could clearly see Haldon Belvedere to the southeast. 

 

The trail dropped down to the Teign Valley Road only to return up a steep public footpath to the same road only 250m further along from Matthew's farm. Those who did not do this loop had the opportunity to go Short just after Matthew's farm. They would pass Lowley and remain on tarmac all the way back to the pub. 

 

However, if electing to go Long, they would rejoin those Longs that had done the loop around Matthew's farm and would now find themselves descending to Leigh Cross and a check.

 

Man-Pig and Smellie were now almost certainly at the trail end of the Longs. Smellie turned down the chance to go Short as we climbed a broad track that headed due east and towards the road the Shorts would have taken. 

 

Hallfway along this track was the final Long/Short split. Distance wise it made no difference. This was the only part of the trail that I hadn't had a hand in laying. So, we both went Long. 

 

Forrest had said that it was well worth doing as the views were lovely. It was dipsey but not dark so we still got to see along the Teign valley. 

 

What we didn't see wa a back check as we ended up at the scrap yard at the back of the Teign House Inn. After a quick consultation of the map, printed off (with Man-Pig's thanks) from the Streetmap.co.uk website, we backtracked back to where we went wrong - passing the back check that we'd missed earlier.

 

This was a particularly lovely part of the trail. A footpath, still quite high, but over a footbridge and along a tree-lined footpath and down some steps to rejoin the Shorts' trail back on road. 

 

We crossed a small stone bridge over Batts Brook again. At the next junction, the Walkers' trail joined us from the left. A final check just below the roadsign for Doddiscombsleigh fooled no-one as the trail took a left and into the village. Here, inevitably, we passed the "OH" sign and within 3 or 4 minutes were back in the car park.

 

Thankyou Forrest for a beautiful trail and all on virgin territory. I think we can re-use parts of that trail again in the summer and take in the full beauty of the Teign Valley....just awesome!

 

Down-Downs

In a double act, and doing a rather poor impersonation of the Two Ronnies, Forrest and Man-Pig undertook the RA'ing.

 

There were two awards present, both in the custody of the Hares.

 

Forrest had the Hashshit shirt. This he gave to Poacher after his long term absence. Why had he been absent for so long? It looked like his trainers had worn out. More holes than material. Accordingly, a note for the "Holey One".

 

Man-Pig had the Union Jack hat. He'd seen nothing on trail but he had heard something in the car park just before the Circle. A certain Harriet alighted from her sportscar and bracingly shouted, "Sixty-Nine!" Now that's what I call, "Putting it out there". So who was tonight's brazen hussy? Coldtits was giggling away merrily and the hat fitted. A note for the sex pest.

 

No more awards present so did anyone have a story? Of course they did.

 

Smellie regaled the story about an attempted debagging on trail. She was tackled from behind. But was the assailant successful and does anyone have any photographic evidence? Alas no. So who was our clandestine rugby player? Beeflicker. A note for sex pest 2.

 

Ernie also had a story. His story was about a married Hasher who was so impressed by the pub that he thought it an ideal place to bring your new beau on a first date. I don't think Prickly Bush would be too impressed, Fukarewe. Not quite sex pest 3 but a note for the playboy....or something similar.

 

Yet another story. Shitfaced had a story about an injured hasher. The nature of his injury, a throbbing right wrist......"For Heaven's sake Beefy. Pisswell's only been gone 5 minutes! A note for the Bishop Basher.

 

There were two halves of beer left. Forrest's trail was truly excellent - as was the pub. In fact, several Hashers commented on how lovely the pub was and Fukarewe was not the only member of the Hash to think it would be a great place for a first date (your names will be withheld conditional upon crossing my palm with silver - otherwise your names will be in print next week!). Hence, in traditional hash fashion, the hares received the final two halves - Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy.

 

An epic trail with an epic On-Down. I am sure that it will not be another 25 years before our return.

 

Addendum

Just as we were leaving the car park to start the run , Broken Man turned up. I was certainly not expecting him and had no foreknowledge. In fact, I felt decidedly guilty sweeping the Longs as I did not know if we had any non-runners left back at the pub that he could talk to.

 

As it turned out, this must have been pre-planned by the Committee. This is because the Hash presented Broken Man with a small, engraved (fire-branded) chalice and Life Membership after the run. Thoroughly deserved I would say. 

 

Regrettably, I did not see the award ceremony as I was last back off trail (not late, circa 9.03 back in the car park and in the pub by 9.15).

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from somewhere near Widecombe-in-the-Moor. Our Hare is Beefy.. As it is also near St George's Day, wear something English. I rather suspect that I will have to find a bit of roast beef somewhere.

 

The On-Down will be the Rugglestone (please preorder your food directly with the pub). However, we will be circling up elsewhere nearby. To be posted on the TVH3 Facebook page in the near future.

On-On to next week, MP.

 

NOBODY INN 15th April

 

Run #2016 Monday 15th April, 7:15 pm circle up from The Nobody Inn, Doddiscombsleigh, Exeter EX6 7PS with Forrest. 

 

Nobody remembers when we last visited the Nobody Inn, but I can recall hashing from this quirky and atmospheric-laden inn way back in the dawn of time - circa 2007. 

 

A time when hashers were hashers; downdowns were pints for harriets, and a raucous and bawdy time would be had by the ale-swilling hashers of the west. 

 

By the way, Forrest says there will be hash grub available! 

 

So everybody, ON ON to the Nobody Inn!

A FESTERING POND AMIDST A SEA OF MUD

(AKA PIDDLER RIDES AGAIN)

TVH3 The Words for 8th April 2024

 

Two Mile Oak, Ipplepen

 

Run No. 2015 - AGPU

 

HARE: Piddler with kind assistance from Going Down

 

Who wuz there: Piddler, Going Down, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Cheerio Beerio, Darcy, Eve, Threesum, Base Camp, U-Bend, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, Warmfront, Psycho, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Fukarewe, Melonpicker, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Ablesemen, Miss Piggy, Only Here for the Beer & Two Little Shits.

 

Circle

Well, what a difference a week makes! Numbers had swelled to 33, up from last week's 10. Regrettably, the weather had not changed much - damp and windy. Why had so many people turned up? I think we all believed, mistakenly as it turns out, that this was Piddler's swansong trail. Hence we all turned up to make sure that he would be departing for Spain imminently. No such luck. His departure date is months away.

 

There were vey few announcements. Shitfaced needed a show of hands for food - sausage chips and beans. This would only cost you a mere £2 as the balance was to be subsidised by the Hash. 

 

Suddenly, the (cheapskate, BB) pack became very hungry. Forrest Stump also needed a show of hands for food at next week's Hash. We will be returning to the Nobody Inn at Doddiscombeleigh for the first time in about 20 years. I think the last time that we were there our Hares were Mr Softy and Two Scoops....remember them? A fine pair [Shirley sic].

 

Smellie needs Hares from about mid May onwards.

 

Wetfart was running late and didn't make the Circle. Hence there were no updates on Teapot. Additionally, Broken Man wasn't present. I understand that Kim and Sarah have been staying with him over Easter and Broken Man is scheduled to be doing South Hams Hash on Wednesday. So Broken Man is getting out and about which is good.

 

Over to the Hare avec son velo. The first piece of information to be imparted was that Haldon Hash was in the area. They have set their trail around Kingskerswell. So, if you end up in the Lord Nelson you've been following their marks. The TVH3 trail is laid in four and mouse droppings as the mice had got into Piddler's bags of flour.

 

There were the usual three trails. The Walkers would be about 1.6 miles (Shirley some mistake). The Longs about 5.5 miles and, unsurprisingly, the Shorts would be somewhere in between.

 

Trail

Left out of the car park and immediately we found ourselves at the Longs' and Shorts'/Walkers' split. The Walkers headed up past Toby's Sheds towards Fermoys. The Longs and the Shorts headed towards Abbotskerswell.

 

As per usual, the FRB's consisted of the Topiary Twins, Beeflicker and Beefy. Also attempting to keep up were Man-Pig, Fukarewe, Well Hopped and Smellie. In the early stages of the trail, we were being shepherded by the Hare on his bicycle. There were plenty of checks. Almost all of which Warmfront got wrong. This was good as it allowed the mid-pack Long's to keep in contact all the way round.

 

The first check had us turn left and down the public footpath that always turns into a stream after the first 50 yards. Just as the stream diverted off the public footpath, so did the trail. The trail now took us on a different public footpath that led us across two waterlogged fields. 

 

The first was full of sheep and lambs (this always reminds me of Easter) so we walked this bit so as not to disturb them too much. The marks were good as we entered the top of Abbotskerswell near Court Grange. 

 

The trail now took us down a footpath that exited almost opposite the entrance to the Court Farm pub. A right and another right had us at a check outside the regrettably closed, Butcher's Arms.

 

Yet again Warmfront and Psycho mischecked and allowed Fukarewe and Man-Pig to catch up.

The trail now took us right and up a bridle track. Somehow, the FRB's had missed a check half way along the path. 

 

The trail continued over a stile and along Devon's worse ankle breaker footpath. This is a lovely trail bordered on both sides by small trees. And therein lies the root of the problem; small, slippery roots crisscrossing the path. 

 

Through another stile, uphill and across two fields to meet the Hare at a three-way junction. No help was imparted. Beeflicker checked downhill and back towards Abbotskerswell. Pysycho went right and, for the only time in the evening, Warmfront headed towards Whiddon Cross and found that she was on trail.

 

At Whiddon Cross there was another check....or was there? In fact there was no check. It was simply the (only) Long/Short split. 

 

Beefy checked towards Dainton Golf course and this was the last that we saw of him on trail. I rather suspect that he did a couple of miles before bumping into Going Down who would have advised him that he'd just done the Short. 

 

The trail now took us downhill and towards Maddacombe Cross and another check. Once again, Beeflicker, Psycho and Warmfront were well ahead as Man-Pig and Fukarewe saw them disappear into the distance. 

 

And disappear they did. Heaven knows where they all went but, turning right towards Stoneycombe Quarry, Man-Pig and Fukarewe temporarily found themselves FRB'ing. Inevitably, Warmfront sailed past and kept on sailing past the Bickleigh Mill Inn where she ran into the Hare who advised that she was off trail.

 

The trail actually took us right and up along the footpath that runs along the top edge of Stoneycombe Quarry. Our second period as FRB's was cut short again as this time Pyscho and Beeflicker slid past....but only to find a back check.

 

On this occasion, a little insider knowledge proved useful. Ignoring the back check, the Pig carried on knowing full well that both trails would converge. 

 

The Pig was first onto the Downs....but not for long. There was some confusion as Piddler had laid dots on every track across the down. Again, insider knowledge had the Pig on the case and on trail. Again not for long. Somehow, all the FRB's arrived at the water obstacle. A broad length of track, in a shallow depression, was under 10 inches of water (MP always carries a tape measure for such eventualities, BB). There was no getting around it. It was also a bit whiffy....manure or stagnant water? We didn't know and, by now, we didn't care.

 

On the far side of the "lake" there were three dots in a row. The Hare had told us that such marks meant, "keep going". We were now all wet through and filthy. For some reason I don't recall Piddler, or his bike, looking particularly dirty at the Circle. The Hare obviously hadn't been through the "festering pond". He'd just left marks at either end....the fiend.

 

In Dainton, we came across a check at the bottom of some steps. This is where a footpath leads along the edge of someone's beautiful garden. For 28 years, (MP also carries a pocket-sized gazetteer) there has been nothing to separate the garden from the public footpath. Now, a newly constructed timber fence affords the owners a little privacy...at least from dirty, night-time, howling and demented Hashers.

We traipsed across two fields, another check and then straight onto Causeway Cross where Going Down was waiting to give instructions, "Straight across". 

 

The Topiary Twins and Beeflicker were, once again, FRB'ing but a couple more checks had them slowing down. 

 

The second check had Beeflicker on trail being pursued by the Pig. 

 

Meanwhile, Warmfront was on her way to Dornafield Cross and Pyscho was on her way to Ipplepen (the checks were working very well).

 

By the time that we arrived into Fermoy's car park and the "OH" sign, the normal running order had been resumed: Beeflicker, Psycho (who would have been third if she hadn't SCB'd), Warmfront, Man-Pig and Fukarewe. 

 

Unfortunately, Fermoy's garden centre was closed. I'm sure that, had it been open, the lure of topiary lessons would have distracted Warmfront and Pyscho long enough to steal a lead.

 

The final canter back to the On-Down and the AGPU.

 

Well done Piddler. An excellent trail. Plenty of checks to keep us together. 5.24 miles on my elderly Garmin so more like 5.7

 

Down-Downs

The original plan had been for the Hash to have the restaurant area for the AGPU. However, I don't think that anyone had taken account of the fact that it was the Easter holidays. Despite the washout weather, the pub was pretty much full. There were both locals and visitors eating in both the restaurant and the bar. 

 

The Hash crammed into the bar area and did their best to devour their subsidised Hash scran from any level surface they could find.

 

Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell and Forrest Stump were all a little late in getting back off the trail but they arrived about the same time as the non-Hash diners had just finished their meals and vacated the bar. Ideal timing to dive into the Down-Downs.

 

Hotlips has the Hashshit shirt. It appears that the Shorts was not as well marked as the Longs. For judicious use of flour, Hotlips awards the Hashshit shirt to Piddler. Piddler takes his time downing his half accompanied by, "Hold it your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Next up is Forrest who has the Turd Hat. He tells the story of a well known Harriet who was a tad cold in the Circle. So cold, in fact, that she was overheard to say, "Blimey! It's cold. I wish I'd worn some knickers!". The culpable party - Ablesemen; "Here's to going commando".

 

There are no more Awards present. This is not strictly true as Man-Pig has left an Award in his car. This could, in its own right, have illicited a Down-Down but Forrest has a story. 

 

As is the wont of the Hash, the story is not necessarily true, it is certainly inaccurate and it has been taken out of context but never mind. Forrest engages the Hash with an improbable and inaccurate story about a Hasher's alleged chat up line in the Circle. 

 

"Hello. Are you wearing any knickers and what time do you finish work?" So who was our silver tongued lethario? Man-Pig - who else?

 

There is one half pint remaining. Are there any other stories? Beeflicker has one. This is the story of a Hasher and another chat up line. "I have an extra two inches in the car. It will help you to get it up properly next time". 

 

Now, to put it into context, this referred to the previous week. You may recall that Slip-on-Me had a puncture but her car jack was just a fraction too short to clear the rear wheel from the ground. The extra two inches actually referred to two 1" thick squares of wood that a fellow Hasher had thoughtfully brought to the Hash to give to Slip-on-Me. So who was our good samaritan? Man-Pig....again.

 

Finally, there is the solitary glass of water to give away. In recognition of Smellie's marvellous solo lay from the previous week, and in the absence of Down-Downs, Smellie gets the last drink....sorry, it's only water.

 

We concluded by thanking the pub for the beer and thanking the Hash for subbing the scoff.

Over to the AGPU.

 

AGPU 2024

Time was pushing on so this was going to be quick.

 

Shitfaced banged his staff on the floor and ran though the various Hash positions. Basically, all as per last year and the Hash seemed happy enough with that i.e. no votes needed to be taken and no-one was standing down (not strictly true), at least in total.

 

Pisswell is coming up to retirement, and she is going to treat herself to a lengthy bit of travelling over the next 12 months. Accordingly, a stand-in volunteer is needed to collect subs from those who pay weekly. Beeflicker has volunteered to fill in for the times when Pisswell is away.

 

Unfortunately, we also have a vacant position as an assistant RA. This is as a result of the tragic loss of Fallen Woman. Strap-On has kindly "volunteered" to fill the role.

 

Threesum ran though the accounts. I think we are £400 up from where were were last year i.e. with more that £2k in the bank. The Committee is planning to arrange something for the end of August. This is to mark TVH3's 40th birthday!

 

And that concluded the briefest of AGPU's. Thankyou for coming.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Nobody Inn, Doddiscombeleigh with Forrest-Stump Haring.

 

On-On to next week. MP

AGPU 8th April

Run #2015 Monday 8th April from the Two Mile Oak, Totnes Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 6DF with Piddler. Our AGPU.

TVH3 The Words for 1st April 2024

The King William IV, Totnes

Run No. 2014

 

April Fools' Hash

 

HARE: S.M.Ellie

 

 

 

Who wuz there: Smellie, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Piddler, Slip-on-Me and a drive -by guest appearance by Poacher.

 

Circle

Bank holidays are a hit and miss affair. At one end of the spectrum Hashers have family and friends staying who are then press ganged into attending the Monday evening Hash. 

 

At the other end of the spectrum, Hashers are either away themselves or waiting hand on foot upon their visitors. 

 

Hence numbers can be either very high or very low. Alas, for poor Smellie, it was the latter. 

 

It must be said that the weather didn't help much either. The Easter weekend was pretty much a washout and Monday had been showers on and off all day. Thus numbers were down to a paltry ten. 

 

Nevertheless, this was a 'perfect 10' made up of quality Hashers and Harriets, most of whom had entered into the spirit of the April Fool theme. Namely, wear something silly.

 

Now some Hashers' attire were sillier than others. The Hare was adorned in a head to toe Fool's outfit complete with three pronged Jester's hat and a harlequin black and red onesie; Man-Pig, clearly believing that the weather was going to get even wetter, was wearing an ABLJ (adjustable buoyancy life jacket) from some old diving gear; Beefy thought that long white socks and Jesus' sandals were just the job for tackling a bit of shiggy - also, if you looked very hard, he had shaved off one half of his beard; Squeaky Bum was wearing a coat of many colours with matching skirt and earrings; Beeflicker, I think, was wearing part of his Ninja Mutant Turtle outfit; Pisswell wore a floral dress but had mislaid her whip so made do with a twig instead: Slip-on-Me was adorned with perfect circular red rose cheeks and Shitfaced maintained that he was in fancy dress but I am not convinced that he was.

 

As numbers were so low, we waited till after 7.30 before commencing the Circle. Regrettably no Hashers were running late so our numbers remained at ten. Poacher drove by, stopped, blocked the road, and then disappeared never to be seen again.

 

Hence, over to the Hare. Before describing the trail, there was a plea from Smellie. A Hare is needed for 15th April. Forrest tentatively volunteered. 

 

So, what about the trail? Smellie advised that there were Walkers', Shorts' and Longs' trails of circa 2, 3 and 6 miles. There was one Long/Short split and the Longs might find themselves in Alice and Wonderland. As the trail had been laid single handedly, it would be "One and On".

 

Just before the off, another plea, this time from Piddler. If anyone has surplus newspapers or cardboard boxes could he please have them? Him and Going Down are going to Spain and need to get packing!

 

Trail

The mention of Alice in Wonderland had some of the Pack speculating that we might be going to Dartibgton Hall where there was a surreal light show taking place.

 

The trail commenced by taking us down Fore Street and right along Ticklemore Street. Then we lost the trail. A few minutes were lost whilst we searched in vain for a single grain of flour. 

 

Then a call from an unexpected direction. Piddler had located a mark that took us onto the Plains and towards Bridgetown. A check on the bridge and the trail then took us down and onto the banks of the Dart heading upriver. The rain had stopped and both Beefy and Man-Pig had to stop to remove some layers. 

 

The trail continued upstream and then another stop. Not as a result of a lost trail but to have a look at the new(ish) archimedes twin screw device that was pumping water into the Dart. It all looked rather clever.

 

Turning right at Dartington Lane, we came to the Long/Short split. Beeflicker and Beefy would have been well ahead as, indeed, were Piddler and Pisswell, Man-Pig and Forrest-Stump were now the laggards. Pisswell and Man-Pig went Long and up to Dartington Hall. Forrest elected for the Short along the leat towards the cider press.

 

It was dark now and torches were needed. The marks were quite good. At the arch that leads to the Great Hall, we had a quick nosey at the light show but only ventured as far as the White Hart.

 

After our little jolly, it was up Dartington Lane and then a loop around the north edge of the Hall before an arrow had us cross the road and follow the footpath down past the Foxhole Centre. 

 

The path then enters into an open field and arcs for about 150 yards before entering woodland and a drop down to the water wheel at the cider press. There had been no marks since leaving tarmac but now it was clear that we had rejoined the Shorts.

 

A new mark greeted us just before we crossed the main road at Shinners Bridge - a square shape in flour with a solid square inside it. Perplexing - but it was probably intended to be a "Danger - main road ahead" sign. 

 

We crossed at the traffic light controlled pedestrian crossing and almost immediately came across an arrow directing us up Cott Road. The marks here zigzagged from the left and to the right of the road. The blobs of flour varied from small to enormous. Apparently, Smellie's bag was getting wet and falling apart. A check near the Cott pub had not been kicked out but the trail continued dead ahead and up Barracks Hill.

 

At Longcause, a public footpath to our left warranted checking out even though there was no check. A fruitless 3 minutes was spent looking for the elusive flour. It had also started to rain again. Had the marks been washed out? Some marks had been barely visible on The Plains however, all the marks coming up Cott Road were still clearly visible....including the blobs that must have used a quarter of a bag of flour each! 

 

Dropping down Barrack Hill, my torchlight scanned both sides of the road but the marks had disappeared. On the left, there is what appears to be a tarmac entrance drive but no house was visible. i have driven past it several times and wondered where it led? Curiosity got the better of me, so I crossed the road for a closer look. "Whoohay" - an arrow. Well done Smellie. Wherever this leads its virgin territory for me. 

 

An archway in an ancient stone wall led to a small wooded area. No marks and it looked like a dead end. 

 

Carrying on along the track, tarmac gave way to crunchy gravel. We ran past some houses and then arrived at the Kennicott Centre. We were in Kevics. I have never been here before. A mark, then no marks. 

 

I continued downhill knowing that the Ashburton Road would not be far ahead. After a couple of wrong turns, I was back on the main road near the police station. A straight run back to the pub was in order. Sure enough, there were marks and I made my way up Station Road and back to the pub.

 

Back at the On-Down only Slip-on-Me and Squeaky Bum were present.

 

"Where are the others?"

"We haven't seen them. You are first back".

 

I didn't think that I was off trail at any point but it did cross my mind that I hadn't found the promised drinks stop either. Nor had anyone else as it transpired.

 

Eventually, everyone made it back to the pub. Apart from Piddler who had gone home to start packing for Spain. But it transpired that everyone had been on trail for most of the time. The only thing that we all had in common was that we had missed the drinks stop that was being manned by Smellie and Shitfaced. 

 

All of us had missed an arrow that would have taken us across the road and into the station. All those shots and no takers. What to do? Take them into the pub for a bit of aprez trail!

 

Down-Downs

As numbers were so low, Smellie suggested that we forgo the Down Downs this week. Forrest and I agreed. It would have been perceived as a bit rich of us to ask Rob, the landlord, for 4 halves when only nine of us had pitched up in the pub. 

 

Nevertheless, who was the best contender for April Fool? Man-Pig had the best dress but Beefy's choice of footwear had resulted in him ending up on his back whilst traversing a muddy field. He was filthy but at least he had a soft landing. 

 

However, and without a shadow of a doubt, the winner of Hash April Fool 2024 must go to Smellie. This is for organising a drink stop with no takers!

 

Down-Down substitute

In the absence of Down-Downs, Slip-on-Me had provided her own version of Jeux-sans-Frontiers. She had got a puncture in her Landrover. 

 

The wheeljack was just a fraction too short to raise the flat off the ground. Post pub, Beeflicker, Man-Pig and Slip-on-Me returned to the marooned vehicle. Some ingenuity in the form of a diver's weight belt and Beeflicker's inch perfect reversing (with the jack still under the car!) created just enough clearance to change the wheel. All sorted, but probably not in compliance with any guidance from the HSE.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Two Mile Oak, strangely enough 2 miles from Newton Abbot on the Totnes Road. Our Hare is Piddler. Bring a newspaper or a cardboard box! We are also advised that Broken Man should be joining us.

 

On-On to next week. MP

1ST APRIL HASH

 

Run #2014 Monday 1st April circle up 7:15 pm from King William IV, 45 Fore St, Totnes TQ9 5HN with hare Smellie.

Dress code: Wear something silly!

Parking at Victoria car park (free from 6 pm) or nearby on the Plains.

TVH3 The Words for 25th March 2024

 

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell

 

Run No. 2013 - Awards Night

 

HARES: Beeflicker (official) & Squeaky Bum (actual)

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Shitfaced, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Archangel, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Shay, Warmfront, Beefy, Pisswell, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Strap-On, Ernie, Fukarewe, U-Bend, Piddler, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Tamsin, Wetfart, Threesum, Hotlips, Zoot, Melonpicker & Soapy.

 

Circle

A cold and damp evening welcomed us to the Park Inn for the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers Awards' Evening 2023. 

 

There was a light rain as a very well-dressed Shitfaced commenced the Circle-Up. The GM's dress sense rather implied that he would not be running. The pause in his welcoming address made some Hashers think that they'd lost their sense of hearing. 

 

Regaining his memory, and already with mandatory pint in hand, Shitfaced advised that there was a chilli laid on by the pub as it was The Awards Night. Nevertheless, any donations into the pot would be welcome and any shortfall would be made good by the Hash. It would be a short trail as, tonight, time would be of the essence.

 

Over to the Harerazor - Smellie needs Hares for 15th and 29th April. Additionally, Smellie would be Hare for next week's April Fools' Hash so wear something silly!

 

Some comments were made regarding Teapot and his release from Pyscho's clutches at Newton Abbot hospital. This had been scheduled for last Friday. 

 

After the Awards, Wetfart imparted the following news to be included in the Words. 

 

Last Friday, Teapot was assessed so as to ascertain if he was well enough to be allowed to return home. Hoorah! He passed and made his way home on Friday - complete with bell so that he can call on Mrs Teapot to wait on him hand and foot. I don't Mrs Teapot is too impressed with the bell. Nevertheless, Teapot is delighted to be home. 

 

He has also asked Wet Fart to convey his heartfelt thanks for everyone's support from the Hash. Whether that be those that sent cards, chocolates, phoned or visited, or simply welcomed him back to the Hash for Burns' Night. Teapot has been in hospital quite a long time time and that can, eventually, become depressing. Your calls, cards and visits have really cheered him up and for that he is sincerely grateful. 

 

Hopefully, the next time we see him he will be back in the Circle.....and soon, although his mobility issues will take some time to improve.

 

So, over to the Hare and tonight's trail. Beeflicker advised that it was going to be a 3-2-1 trail. Three miles for the Longs, and it would be muddy out there; 2 miles for the Shorts and a single mile for the Walkers. The trail was laid with a lot of arrows, in chalk, and some blobs of flour.

 

"Be back quick for the Awards".

 

Trail

Well, it's a little difficult to describe the trail as I don't think that any more than two Hashers followed the same trail and there is some doubt as to whether anyone actually completed any of the intended trails....marks or no marks.

 

Now, in fairness, none of us knew that Beeflicker was so incapacitated by his weekend escapades that he had to delegate Monday's trail laying to Squeaky Bum. 

 

Beeflicker had every intention of laying Monday's trail, especially as they would all have to be short so as to make time for The Awards. However, over the weekend, Beeflicker had been engaged in something called "Last Man Standing". This is a type of escape and evasion exercise. The last one to get caught or travel furthest from the starting point wins. Judging by his hobbling, I suspect that Beeflicker travelled some considerable distance. (Fifty two miles in fact!)

 

The Hare sent the Walkers out to the left for a walk around the village. Meanwhile, the Longs and the Shorts were directed up the alleyway almost opposite the pub. 

 

We followed green chalk arrows down to just near the Sloop and then blobs of flour taking us back to the pub in under 15 minutes and about a third of a mile. So round we went again. 

 

We had missed an arrow that would have taken us over to the Sloop side of the Newton Road. Another arrow had us heading for Newton Abbot before turning right and into a housing estate where we lost the marks. Eventually, we went back down to the Newton Road.

 

Some carried on towards Romany Jones looking for marks i.e. Wet-Johnny and Man-Pig. Others headed back towards the Sloop. Some then decided to take a right by the camper van garage and check out if there were any marks in Coffinswell. Yet another breakaway group opted to run up past Kingkerswell Primary School and check out Kingskerswell via the Coffinswell Lane track.

 

Sure enough, at its brow was a Long/Short split, but no other marks could bee seen. Beefy dropped down the other side of Coffinswell Lane and took a right at its end and did his own thing for the next 4 miles. Well Hopped came across what she thought was a fishhook and did a U'ey and backtracked to the pub.

 

Meanwhile, Man-Pig, Ernie and Strap-On were on a fruitless search for non-existent marks near the Barn Owl. Still no marks so Ernie and Strap-On made a Beeline for the On-Down. Man-Pig went back to the site of the last mark. But not before the number 12 bus stopped to ask if I was waiting for the bus? Well, I was near the bus stop but I wasn't aware that I was running so slowly that the bus driver thought that I was actually waiting at the bus stop. 

 

The Pig speculated that the trail might have gone straight up Priory Avenue and thence the short length of footpath to Bushmead Avenue. 

 

Bingo! A mark on the first footstep of the footpath and I was back on trail. Outside the Primary School I was surprised to find a blue arrow pointing down Coffinswell Lane towards the Sloop. I would have put money on a traipse over to Coffinswell but this was the only mark I found. So it was back to the pub I went.

 

Once again, the best laid plans of mice and men had been outwitted by the weather. The moral of this story must be "Do not use chalk in the wet". 

 

On the upside, our de facto Virgin Hare, Squeaky Bum, did have us running around in circles and down a few tiny footpaths in the village that we haven't done for several years. 

 

We got out on an "interesting" run. No one got lost (until it was time to get changed), no-one was late back for the Down-Downs and The Awards, and no one got injured. I'd say that's a success.

 

Down-Downs

Forrest-Stump and Perry assumed the role of RA and commenced by thanking the pub for putting on the scoff and providing the Down-Downs.

 

"What did we think of the trail?" An interesting question which would normally have illicited a few comments. Tonight there was the potential for 33 hashers to describe 15 plus different trails. But time was against us as we needed to push on for The Awards ceremony.

 

First up to give an award was Horny. She has the Turd Hat. This she gives to someone for not paying attention at a road junction and jaywalking. 

 

I think the guilty party was U-Bend but I'm not entirely sure as the Bird was squawking in my ear at the time. As we had the Songmeister present, he took control of the choir. "He doesn't kiss the girls any more....."

 

Next up was Man-Pig whose award was in the car but a substitute Jester's hat appeared courtesy of U-Bend. The obvious candidate was the Hare. Beeflicker was called up but only to confess that he was too injured to lay it. The Award should go to Squeaky Bum...and so it did. The Songmeister was called upon again.

 

Next was Squeaky Bum herself. She had the Hashshit shirt from last week. She tells the tale of a very rude Hasher who enjoys afternoon telly, particularly quiz shows.....just like the 3-2-1 description of the trail but featuring Dusty Bin. The programme is introduced with a 3-2-1 flick fingers. There follows some lewd conversation that ended up with Hotlips stating that "You only get four fingers in a Kit-Kat". (NB there was no mention of the Duchess of York during this narrative). Over to the Songmeister once again.

 

Forrest asks if there are any more Awards present. Fukarewe steps forward with the Tittie apron. Fukarewe tells us that he is parked right outside the pub. He had finished his run and was getting changed at the back of his car with the tailgate up. the next thing that happens is that a short-sighted Harriet opens the rear door to his car, sits down inside and starts to undress. 

 

What spectacular luck! thinks Fukarewe. What have I done to deserve this? So, who was not paying attention to the car in which she arrived? Smellie. It's Specsaver time for you my girl. The Songmeister pipes up with, "The one skin hangs over my two skin......."

 

Finally, there is an item of lost property that needs to be returned, not to a hasher but to a Hash Hound. Well Hopped has recovered a dog lead from the Old Commercial, Bishopsteignton. There ensues a Cinderella moment whilst the lead is matched to different Hounds' collar sizes. A match! It fits Slip-on-Me's Hound perfectly. You are going to the ball after all doggie...."woof!" "She's a little flat chested but she's all right" is the final ditty selected by our Songmeister.

 

AWARDS 2023

This year The Awards comprised the usual T-shirt and, for the fist time, matching Beanie hats for each category. Additionally, there were scrolls to be framed and hung at home. Shitfaced was suitably attired as the master of ceremonies. He also had his phone set up for a live link to Mavis in New Zealand - assuming that he was out of bed. In Oscar nominee fashion, three candidates were read out before the GM opened the envelope to reveal the winners:

 

And the winners are:

Best trail - Pisswell

Hare of the year - Pisswell: these two awards were combined into a single shirt and beanie and both were thoroughly deserved. The Cheesy Nipples and Cheesy Helmet trail was marvellous in all respects; virgin territory, private function, grape pressing, free cheese and wine. Splendid!

 

Newcomer of the year - Beeflicker: again, thoroughly deserving and in recognition of his contribution in having laid some excellent trails over the past 12 months including some virgin territory.

 

Scribe of the Year - Soapy for her Day of the Dead Hash and accompanying Words- an old school Hash with lots of short loops to keep the pack together. A huge turnout and enjoyed by all.

 

Club Hasher of the Year (formerly Crusher Award) - Zoot for all her work in the background.

 

Hasher of the Year - Man-Pig; nobody knows why.

BB: For me, the best moment of the evening - for his dedication and so much time and effort expended, no one in our hash has worked harder. And, bless him, he really was surprised at getting the award. Well done, hashers, you really got this one right.

 

Harriet of the Year - Warmfront; nobody will catch her, that's for sure.

 

On-Down of the Year: Tucker's Maltings. Other hostelries under this heading were The Park Inn and The Lord Nelson, coincidentally both pub landlords were present at The Awards. However, there were no representatives from Tucker's Maltings so regular Malting's frequenter, Archangel, accepted the Award on their behalf and for onward delivery.

 

P.O.T.Y. - Forrest-Stump, predominantly for forgetfulness during his RA'ing. Staggeringly, Smellie wasn't even shortlisted. I think that she must have been one of the main recipients of Down-Downs throughout 2023.

BB: I'll go along with that, MP. Hashers seem to have the strange idea that this particular award is unsuitable for harriets and might be seen as a stigma rather than the honour it truly is. Think on, as they say up in Yorkshire.

 

A final group photo of the winners and our thanks to the committee for organising it and, with that, it was all over for another year.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the King William IV, Totnes. Our Hare is Smellie and, as it is April Fools' day, you are encouraged to wear something silly.

 

On-On to next week, MP