BANK HOLIDAY BARBIE CHEZ SHITFACED

 

Run #2091 Bank Holiday Monday 25th August from the Park Inn, 15 Cole's Lane, Kingskerswell TQ12 5BQ with Shitfaced. BBQ with money in the pot

RUN #2090 WORDS by SOAPY

Words for run number 2090.

My turn to write the words this week - important to Archive……

the evenings Hash of who did what, and did they all survive.

What they saw upon the trail and a list of who was there,

how it was laid, and where it went, is all you really care.

Also, to make the absentees that night wish that they had come

Instead of staying home alone, all bored and feeling glum.

Well, on Monday 18th of August, off to Galmpton’s Manor Inn

With a bucket full of apples (that I didn’t want to bin)

I tried my best to distribute, but only a few did take!

Just think of all those pies and cakes or crumble you could make!!

I digress – apologies, back to the task in hand,

UBend was the hare tonight and told the trail he’d planned

3 Long/Short splits, 3 blobs and on and walkers route in flour

If you find the trail and don’t get lost, you’ll be back within an hour!!

Well…….. We all set off together, united from the start

Checking for 3 blobs and on, towards the River Dart.

We came across the 1st L/S split, and the shorts my legs did send

Cheerio Beerio not far behind accompanied by UBend.

Pizzwell and Miss Inn took the long, as I think did all the rest

Except for all the walkers who are injured (or past their best).

Up a steep hill, then down I ran, towards muddy Galmpton creek,

Where, in the Dolphin boatyard, I saw a car that was unique.

It was painted like a narrow boat - a porthole on the side,

A clever combination, I was hoping for a ride.

But the tide was out, and I had to run along the shingly beach

(Where I saw another apple tree – thank goodness out of reach!)

At the end of beach a footpath took me inland and On on

Looking back for Cheerio and UBend, I noticed they had gone!

I followed blobs up the steep hill along lower Greenway walk

Tried calling “Onon” as I ran, but as exhausted couldn’t talk.

I crossed a road then through a wood, into field and spot a cow

Hare said they weren’t there before, but they sure were there now!

Bearing left through Greenway gardens I recognised the view

But instead of our old familiar log, a wooden bench in lieu!

I took a photo of the river, with Dartmouth set behind

Such a lovely vista of water and the sky combined.

This was a field we’d run through, on our ‘Grand Day out’ before

I reminisced of ‘Wensleydale’, then set off again once more.

This was when it all went wrong (well, at least it did for me)

Do I go through the kissing gate, or turn right at the tree?

I saw an arrow pointing on, or a cross? I couldn’t tell

No one to ask - I made a choice, to go downhill as well.

I saw no more marks as I ran on road, speeding up and fast

Until I joined another road, Pizzwell and Miss Inn went past.

We were lost - the three of us, and flour there was a lack

I decided to go on down the hill, but they wanted to go back……

and do the bit up through the woods, they’d missed the stunning view.

but ahead of me, on up the hill was a hasher’s form I knew.

Sweat was streaming from his brow and steam blew from his ears

Piltdown man was trudging on with a mirage thought of beers.

He was the inspiration that I needed, to keep my heart from sinking

At last I reached the Manor Inn, where the walkers all sat drinking!

One by one the longs came in, plus Cheerio and the Hare

Mash and Miss Mash had to leave, but Pizzwell still not there!

Dark outside without a torch, whatever were you thinking?

You missed the down downs at the pub, the social side and drinking!!

Hornie and Pork Torpedo turned up late, both not feeling right

But wanted to support the Hare and join in the fun tonight.

Down downs were awarded to: The Hare for confusing torches with the sky

And, Cold Tits for hiding round the corner, (I’m still not quite sure why?)

Think she forgot her trainers, but managed to still run………

In her ‘office shoes’ - That is commitment its supposed to be good fun!

Melon Picker got his 1,000th run badge – he’s gotta getta life

Perhaps he oughta spend more time concentrating on his wife!!!

Well, I think that’s just about all I can say – sorry it’s all about me

But when your hashing on your own - Theres not a lot you see.

Thank you UBend for the scenic trail, my Strava didn’t moan

‘cos through woods and open fields you run much faster on your own!

Soapy xx

Onon to next weeks trail at the Park Inn Kingskerswell.

BACK TO THE MANOR INN AT GALMPTON

 Run #2090 Monday 18th August Circle up 7:15 pm from the Manor Inn at Galmpton, Stoke Gabriel Rd, Galmpton, Brixham TQ5 0NL with U Bend. 

#2089 WORDS by Pisswell

 The words for hash number 2089 at Trendlebere top carpark, nr Manaton. Hare Poacher, On down Kestor Inn

Who woz there? Poacher, Miss Inn, Ernie, Beeflicker, Pisswell, Judgemental, SMEllie, Piltdown man and Coldtits.

The circle: Piltdown performed GM duties.

The hash raiser asked for offers to fill October dates

The hare: Poacher gave the normal spiel of

Laid on the right, fish hooks, back checks, ha has, swimming, hang gliding, bungee jumping etc.

The trail: And we were off! Oh no, we weren’t as Coldtits arrived, putting on her running gear and leading us in a warm up routine in her new Lycra and key holding backpack. There was an uphill climb as we went up Blackhill, towards Leighon. Beeflicker was found collapsed on the ground but on examination was just asleep and waiting for others to catch up!

Ernie was taking time out from his busy work schedule and Judgemental had been back running the park run. Is that really running?

Miss Inn was galloping along after her cross country at Holewell last week. Sadly no mane attraction, who had taken a fall at the water previously and been bitten by the crocodile.

Coldtits was breaking in the Lycra and Piltdown and her both took short and headed up to the viewpoint at the top of the hill. Being an unremarkable high point, they had made a little pile of stones and Poacher was able to show off his knowledge of the area, Hound tor with the coast of Wales on the horizon and the outer Hebrides in the far distance.

We all galloped down the hill again, following the route of the Haytor heller, according to Miss Inn. Approaching the road, the longs went right and the others left to rejoin later. Pisswell screamed as a deer shot out of the undergrowth and over her head! Beef flicker still dressed from his previous military run at Coleman Fishacre, got out his rifle and fired a shot, not knowing what has disturbing the hashing crew. And that was the end.

Who shot Poach…… er?

And then Beeflicker woke up again and it was all just a dream!

On downs:

Pisswell realising that no one had been nominated to write the words, said to keep your hands on your knees if you wanted to write them. Everyone’s hands shot up, except Poacher, who put his hand on Pisswells knee! He’s obviously not dead then and I got to do the words!

Anyway, down downs were given by those with previous awards, namely Coldtits and Poacher. Poacher nominated our returnee Judgemental with a down down for lying and saying he was doing the longs. A down down to the liar, who wore a fetching blue wig (he wears white ones usually) and the Irish hat.

Next Piltdown, who had been pretending to be a young teenager by looking at his phone all night, had a down down for climbing a vertical mile uphill to the viewpoint. He had the helicopter hat and a pair of flashing glasses. Here’s to the mountaineer..

Next week: This will be the Manor Inn at Gampton with U-Bend.

On on to next week.

TRENDLEBERE DOWN with Poacher

Run #2089 Monday 11th August Circle up 7:15 pm from Trendlebere Down, East Dartmoor National Nature Reserve, Yarner Wood, Bovey Tracy TQ13 9LJ top car park with Poacher.

 

 

Words for TVH3 Hash #2088, Monday 4th August 2025.

Are you as dull as ditchwater,downright desperate,despairing or, recently back from the dead? I know I am so, a Monday evening could not be better if it were mounted on a marble plinth and illuminated by searchlights. (Can anyone hear a fanfare or, is it only me?)

This particular Monday,in what is very much early August, a consignment of Polyester Tourists drew into the car park at Hound Tor and alighted to form Teign Valley Hash House Harriers.

Hip hip hip hooray! The sun had put his hat on and irradiated the Tor and the greenery around it (the early morning had been quite misty on the higher ground). The car park was in the shade and, with the breeze, a few of our number felt the chill.

Those present were: Hare Poacher, Georgie P’Orgy, Piltdown Man, Bee Flicker, Pocket Rocket, U Bend, Slip on Me, Soapy, Melon Picker, Pork Torpedo,Hornie, Mane Attraction, Miss Inn (who did), Wet Johnny (who did also), Archangel, Forrest Stump, Manpig, Coldtits, SMEllie, Pisswell and Beefy. Late arriving was Psycho.

Coldtits, with the help of What 3 Words and SMEllie’s navigation skills, had ended up in a cul de sac in Helsinki on the way to the Hash but, arrived on time, somehow, only to miss the Circle (and the Trail) owing to losing her car keys.

At the Circle, SMEllie asked for Hares for October.

Over to the Hare:

“It’s laid in flour, on the right, three and On, two Long/ Short splits and there’s a crocodile and a boat, a splash pool, inflatables, a wave machine, two bubble slides, diving platforms and a springboard, flumes, water canon and jet skis.” No cream tea by the pool though: points dropped compared to Pisswell’s Trail of last week. Oh dear, I didn’t bring my trunks.

On on to Swallerton Gate and the first check. Eventually, On was called and the denizens of the Monday Trail followed the road heading south. Suddenly, Poacher was laying fresh marks and calling everyone back. On to the first L/S split. Your chronicler elected to to walk the Shorts having carelessly contracted tenor’s elbow in his left knee. The Longs departed to meet their destiny (more on that anon).

We Shorts were dispatched widdershins and never left the comforting aegis of Hound Tor.

Soapy was regretting wearing the ceramic shoes she had made for herself at evening classes and was glad of the short Trail. Melon Picker KNEW this would happen: his evening class was crystal ball gazing/ swimming combo.*

“Shallow but not slow,” announced Pork Torpedo, “air trip in the semi-darkness.” He continued. “Blank A blank blank L blank blank blank T.” He concluded. Seven across, apparently.**

“You need a man to go to the Sleepytime Gorilla Museum with!” said Hornie, brightly, misquoting Tuesday Weld.

SMEllie, as an expert navigator, knows it is unlucky to travel widdershins so, occasionally, she pirouetted in the opposite direction as a countermeasure.

U Bend has been studying “mind fullness” by mistake: his intention was to learn “mindfulness” (an entirely different subject and, in fact, not as cheap). The upshot of this is that his mind is so full now that, if you merely say “hello” to him, he will forget something. Good work, Ubie!

Slip on Me said “See you in a fortnight!” as she lay down on a pile of sand she had found because she wanted a holiday.

Pocket Rocket had donned his fighting shorts, by mistake, and decided to return to the cp to see if there was a skirmish he could join or, failing that, something he could poke with his GM stick. We may never care about the outcome.

Georgie P’Orgy and Piltdown Man were discussing a different recruitment tack: “We need more OLD people, I mean REALLY old people to make the rest us look really adequate...” and so it went on.

Fire breaks and animal tracks formed the Short Trail. After 1.4 miles, we found the O.H. and decided to go on a folly of our own to bump up the mileage (where was the second L/S?).

On the Longs, Bee Flicker was wearing Dutch military dress in the belief that it would render him “nicely inconspicuous”. It didn’t...and the extra moustache did nothing to help, and he had left the cap at home, too. Where is that clanking noise coming from?

Wet Johnny, who is excited about his next holiday, found some shrimps on Trail and had taught them to whistle. Who of us did not hear that wistful three part harmony rendition of “The Skye Boat Song” drifting, inappropriately, across the moor (accompanied by that clunky metallic noise)?

Miss Inn had brought a stepladder and had lent it to Manpig who descended clutching his second-favourite binoculars. Venturing into ornithology as he is, he announced, proudly, that he had seen some Great Tits and, possibly, a Swallow. It’s a tricky subject and the birds were being scared away by the ongoing muffled clang noises.

Meanwhile, Mane Attraction had seen a pony and had given it one of her flip flops hoping it would fashion it, deftly, into a piece of “lucky” door furniture. Are ponies that superstitious?

Forrest had been on the Longs and had decided to head back because his other leg was giving him some bother. So, he removed it because, he thought, everyone else makes do with two so, he should, also.

Pisswell, having the benefit of being on familiar territory, was FRB. Leaving only footprints and a cloud of dust as evidence of her presence. She ran the watery parts twice, added some Trail of her own, led the pack back to the cp and ran on to the On Down.

All of a sudden, the source of the mysterious metallic clunking noise became apparent: it was Psycho who had come straight from a horse-climbing incident and was still covered in ropes, reins, bits, stirrups and carabiners.

At the Kestor Inn, the pub donated the Down-down beers. Very kind, Hurrah!

Pisswell assumed RA duties.

Poacher, as Hare, got a cider and “S.H.I..Y.T.R.A.I.L.”

Beefy stole the GM’s stick but Pisswell got the blame and the HASHIT shirt: “A soldier I will be”.

Forrest was given the elephant hat by Georgie P’Orgy for allowing Mitch the dog to escape from the pub. “He’s the meanest”.

Coldtits lost her car keys and the Trail.

Poacher got a second d/d and the Irish hat from Soapy for asking Forrest if he was On. “This is your Down-Down song...”

Hornie got the last half and the last laugh. For what I don’t recall. “She’s the girl for me”.

Where are we next week, SMEllie?

*He’s a buoyant clairvoyant.

**HALFLIGHT

Well, some of the above happened (ask Baron Munchausen). I can do much worse. In order to avoid this, volunteer to write the Words!

On On,

Beefy.

You Ain't Nothing but a Hound Dog!

 

Run #2088 Monday 4th August Circle up 7:15 pm from Hound Tor CP (Swallerton Gate) W3W forks.newstand.relies with Poacher. On Down The Kestor Inn at Manaton.

 

THE WORDS Hash 2089, Monday 28th July North Bovey CP, on down Ring O’ Bells

 

https://youtu.be/7Qp5vcuMIlk?si=weUQC9m65C-Eqx2D

Ed Sheeran – Castle on the Hill

Song by Ed Sheeran ‧ 2017

Formal introductions:

Princess Pyscho of Chudleigh, Princess SMEllie of Teignmouth, Lady Coldtits, Duchess Soapy, Baron Pork Torpedo and Baroness Horny, Dame Slip on me, HRH Pisswell and Knights: Sir Beefy, Sir U-Bend, Sir Strap-on and Sir Ernie, who all Camealot! 

 

They were accompanied by ladies in waiting

Georgie P’ Orgy, Miss Inn and Mane Attraction.

Lord Mitch was accompanied by his butler Forrest Stump.

Serfs attending were Piltdown man, Melon Picker, Beeflicker, Manpig, Fuckarewe, Manopause and Wet Johnny Baldrick.

First dance, the Waltz circle:

Beeflicker, our stand in GM welcomed all to hash number **** ( I dont remember it really) It needs a young GM to remember that stuff!)

 

Announcements were asked for and all hell broke loose! Manpig asked for hands up to write the words, Smellie put her hand up to ask for hares for October, Forrest asked for a taker for the first dance and Pisswell asked for hands up for the cheesy chips at the pub! All done in one go but nobody really knew what had happened!

 

And over to the hare:

The hare had enjoyed a lovely day but was a bit concerned that someone had washed away one of her checks, which she had just relaid. She was therefore worried everyone would find the way back.

She had asked for permission to run through some very important land but was given a no for an answer as there might be air rifle shooting and golf being played. Therefore, it was vitally important that the longs and shorts ran very fast in this area, joining the footpath to the bridle path! In fact it all looked a bit dodgy, so she was keen to write rules and regulations and send around a disclaimer to sign.

As there are no rules in hashing, that was the end of that, but she pointed out that she’d done a few Ha Has and had made up her own rules for the day. 

 

Thank you to the people who dressed up in their finery. It was to be a posh evening with dresses and bow ties and then swim wear later. There was to be a swimming stop and a cream tea and there were some very enthusiastic sheep, who might mob you! Beware dogs!

 

The trail: The evening stroll through the castle grounds, in our finery. 

 

Please sing along!

When I was, hare that night, we cir-cled up

I was running with my hashers and my friends

And tasted the sweet perfume of North Bo-vey grass they checked down

In the carpark then, let them check back, when

Some, found the trail and called on on.

Made checks and FRBs were gone!

And they’ve not seen the church pathway, in so long, I know, can’t moan

But I can't wait for on home

I”m on my way

Driving to-get-here, down those country lanes

Running beside the river

And I show the way, you make, it feel, unreal

We watched the sunset, Bovey, our castle on the hill

Beaut-if-ill place, running, not just “an-y-where”

Running in our frocks, through the golf course

No, getting lost with my friends!

Had our first split, air rifle site

I don't reckon they’re there tonight

But for walkers then, take me back to when

We found. the-way back, no one got shot

All in good spirits, that’s all we’ve got!

Me and my friends having some checks, for the longs, oh, how we've gone

But I can't wait to go home

I'm on my way

Running to Old Yarde, down those country lanes

Turning right, go to Bowda

And shorts, miss the way, Luckdon, it’s good, in Woods

Meeting at Ridgnor, above the houses, on the hill

Hoo-hoo, near by the castle on the hill

Hoo-hoo, near by the castle on the hill

Our friends then met a-gain, with checks longs did the most

Shorts at the bridge and swimming stop, our hashers overdressed

“One just needs a little swe-ety stop”, walk-ers never getting there

But … Cream tea, half eat-en, and I…took it from the stat-ely home!

Now I'm on my way

I still remember this old country ford

When we cross the stepping stones there

And I show the way, to-Ring, O’-Bells, on down

Then we watched the down downs, Cheesy chips, eaten “til we’re full!

Hoo Ooo, North Bovey, castle on the hill

Hoo Ooo, North Bovey, castle on the hill

 

Out takes:

Nobody got shot or hit by a golf ball.

Pisswell was the only one to do the full walkers trail. These walkers, all they want to do is sip wine and smoke cigars! Melon Picker bravely took a bullet for Dame Slip on and her hound, and hobbled home wounded in action. 

 

Miss Inn was P Inn when the first check was found and followed GP and PM on their incredible journey, until she realised they didn’t know where they were going! She back tracked and proudly clocked up 7m plus! 

 

Thanks to the lovely people who let us enjoy a cream tea by the riverside. The water was freezing. The sheep were also very friendly. Manopause seemed to be there for a long time! 

 

Coldtits raspberry jam was delicious but PT thinks pectin will make everything stiffer!

 

Down downs:

Soapy for correcting Smellie on the venue for the on downs, being North Bovey not Bovey Tracey. She asked for a nice song from the sing meister, who we were lucky to have there, but PT had had enough of all that posh guff and lowered the tone as only he can!

Manpig was next for poor parking in his new car

Coldtits followed for getting there on time! She nominated SMEllie for also getting there on time ( in the same car!)

And the last to the hare for a “shitty trail”. Honestly, all that effort!

 

Next week: Poacher at Hound Tor. On on TVH3.

NORTH BOVEY (not Bovey Tracy!)

 

Run #2087 Monday 28th July Circle up 7:15 pm from North Bovey car park TQ13 8RB with Pisswell W3W rabble.stint.inherits

On Down The Ring O'Bells North Bovey TQ13 8RB

Bring a posh dress or bow tie.

DEBRIEFING NOTES

Run #2086

Monday 21st July

Coleton camp 1939:

Who was there:
Going on the TAB (tactical advance to battle) General Pocket Rocket, RSM Piltdown Tan, Sgt threesum, pvts georgie porgie, strap dancer and specialist lara "s.m.ellie croft

The drop SHORTS pvts cheerio beerio, strap on, coldtits and reinforcement cheerios friend

The LONG rangers were tpr beeflicker and commandos warm front, psycho, man pig, beefy, pisswell

The mission:
Rsm piltdown man barked his orders for everyone to get on parade so general pocket rocket could issue us with a briefing where he welcomed reinforcement cheerio beerios friend, and then it was over to tpr beeflicker to give the soldiers their missions, which were to follow the walkers of 3 miles, shorts of 4 and the longs, well, we didn't know but as they are SF TL they must handle anything the enemy throws at them.

In this case, it was beeflicker and lots of flour, hills and yet more hills,

The mission:
The walkers would TAB out of the car park and down a country lane. They would engage any enemy they came upon at Brownstone car park before stealthily advancing down a windy road to the battery to RV with everyone before heading back to be debriefed.

They were never to be seen again, we can only assume they were MIA or KIA.

Meanwhile, the drop SHORTS went to the south side of the car park and took the right flank navigating some fields and fighting off the enemy sheep until they reached the coastal path. They then headed right and kept the sea to their left until they got to the RV.

On this section, we saw strap-on smashing the hills while coldtits was taking reconnaissance photos to take back to HQ and cheerio and cheerio 2 who.were fighting along looking ready to kill (probably the hare for all the hills). After the RV, the dropshot then headed back along the walkers route to go back to base for a debrief and beers. There were also many MIA or KIA here too as only cold tits and pocket rocket made it back alive.

The LONG rangers took the left flank also fighting off enemy sheep with psycho killing them off with her witty puns. beefy,

Beeflicker, warm front, man pig and pisswell , on arrival at the coastal path, flanked right and fought life and death through the killer hills taking the high ground, and the low ground, and then the high, and low and more high, oh yes, this seemed to be a regular occurence, but they smashed it, putting the SAS to shame.

 

At the RV, which has now been confirmed as brownstone battery, a search and rescue mission was sent out to retrieve coldtits from the enemy, which turned out to be multiple photo taking opportunities so rescue was cancelled.

 

A medivac was almost called for a very pale.looking beefy - white as a ghost, had he died on trail? No, this was his newly found yearly white vest.

 

Once the battery had been secured, the long rangers then flanked left through the Kingswear rainforest, tackling mountains, steps, sheep, rocks and a flooded rocky path all the way to the country lane where they headed right and back to base. 

 

Everyone made it back, the mission was completed, the battery was secure, and the route cleared of any danger.

Back at Base, everyone gathered round to receive their medals but as we were lacking any, beers had to take their place. 

 

These were distributed from beeflicker's field bar which was manned, or should we say womanned by the queen of all barmaids, looking glamorous as always, camos looking crisp, war paint on her lips, yes, it's our one and only lara "s.m.ellie" croft.

 

Everyone received a down down for surviving the evening. Now I can't remember what they were all for but there was a downdown for an amazing trail by beeflicker, killer singing by pisswell, s.m.ellie for her pristine turnout and looking good, psycho for her murderous jokes, coldtits for getting lost, beefy for his natural white vest, manpig, pocket rocket and warmfront, well, because they deserved one too.

On on tpr beeflicker

 

Over and out, dismissed.