SUMMER DIARY

 

COURT FARM INN

Run #2080 Monday 16th June Circle up 7:15 pm from the Court Farm Inn at Abbotskerswell with Strap-On and Strap-Dancer.

TVH WORDS by Warmfront

Monday 9th June, Artichoke Inn

It was good to be back in the Teign Valley. After a lot of parking shenanigans we circled up in the car park across the road from the Artichoke Inn, Christow. Unusually there were no announcements, so over to the hare. Forrest warned us that the first long was ‘long’ and something about frisky stirks. I’m sure he said that the long would be around 8, the shorts less, and the walkers even less. Duly warned, off we set….inevitably up a long hill with Poacher and Bee Flicker leading the way. 

 

I confidently predicted that we’d be going uphill all the way to the reservoirs, but I was proved wrong at the first long when we ended up going DOWNhill to join a lane which was heading back to Christow! We were soon heading back uphill though, and this was the theme for the rest of the evening. I’m pretty sure it was 90% uphill somehow.

 

Sure enough we found the cows although they seemed more interested in eating grass than what we were up to. Although tales from the pub reported they took a keener interest in some of the later arrivals. There was some brief milling around and a bit of confusion at one junction, then Poacher called us On On and we were heading down into Moor Barton Farm. Wet Johnny paused to make friends with another herd of cows, this time through the safety of a fence. Downhill through the conifers and we reached the reservoirs; the still, calm waters grey under the overcast sky. 

 

Over the causeway and we turned right to follow the shore of Tottiford. The longs had regrouped and we crossed the Kennick dam together and plunged back into the forest, into the gathering dusk. Finally we were back out onto the road and heading downhill….surely we must be nearly there, I hadn’t brought a torch! I’d almost forgotten about the OS stop which turned out to be Forrest’s trademark refreshing orange segments, complete with a glorious view over the Teign Valley.

 

There was one more obstacle; an incredibly steep field and then a narrow, overgrown (and steep!) path down into Christow. We caught up with the shorts/walkers, and then spied the On Home back to the pub, who’d put on vat of chilli for us.

 

Pisswell had brought a bag of eclectic drinking vessels and awards with her, apparently with the sole aim of palming them off on unsuspecting hashers. The first award went to Forrest for the trail, he seemed to need little encouragement to get down on his hands and knees to drink it from the dog bowl. Psycho tried to award a down down to Wet Johnny but was foiled as he’d sloped off. Instead it went to Smellie for become ensnared twice in the brambles on the final descent. There was a lot of discussion about the genders of urinals, before Smellie settled on the ‘female’ version and drank her half through that. Next up (I think) was Miss Inn, for not being miss-in at all who opted for the tiny wellie, then Shit Faced for his 300 run badge. The last award went to Strap Dancer as a welcome returnee.

 

Thank you Forrest for an excellent trail, and on-on to next week!

ARTICHOKE INN (last there 2016)

 

Run #2079 Monday 9th June Circle up 7:15 pm from the Artichoke Inn, Christow EX6 7NF with the master trail-layer Forrest.

Can it have been nine long years since we last visited this beautiful and traditional 12th century thatched watering-hole, beloved of the serfs, peasants, and commoners setting off to the Holy Land Crusades to do battle in a beerless wilderness?

(I'll see you at the bar for my pint, Forrest mate.)

Hash fare: Chilli con carne at about £5 - £7 a head.

TVH3 The Words for 2 June 2025

 

The Grumpy Farmer (formerly Red Rock Brewery) Humber

Run No. 2078

 

HARES: Well Hopped & Roger the Dodger

 

Who wuz there: Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Forrest Stump, Bluebird, Pisswell, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Coldtits, Big End, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Psycho, Warm Front, Smash, Miss Mash, Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Polyfella, Wetfart, Archangel, Miss'ing (who wasn't), Rise'n'Shine & returnee, Bog Roll

 

Circle

A welcome return to the former Red Rock Brewery after an absence of over a year. The Grumpy Farmer now operates as a wedding venue.

 

Prior to the Circle, Rise'n'Shine, Ablesemen and Man-Pig were lucky to get a guided tour of the wedding barn and reception areas, courtesy of the new owner. Lovely exposed ancient oak beams atop a stone built barn. All beautiful and very rustic.

 

But in no time at all it was time to Circle Up.

 

Pocket Rocket quietly welcomes all whilst the Hash firing squad surround him and take aim. What was his misdemeanour? Drinking beer with .....a meal - all quite legal apparently so we all put down our weapons and carried on as normal.

 

The GM advises that we have two returnees in the form of Rise'n'Shine and Bog Roll - welcome back.

Smellie needs a hare for one slot in July. I think Beeflicker has volunteered.

 

Next Pork Torpedo steps up to give us an update on the fund-raising that he has being doing for the SANDS charity. Pork Torpedo explained that he was one of a group of seven fundraisers that had committed to running at least a mile-a-day throughout May; although all had well exceeded that mileage.

 

The team comprised Pork Torpedo, Hornie, Hornies' daughter (Jailbait) their son-in-law (Up-Periscope), Soapy, and two others. Together they have raised in excess of £6,000 - a fantastic effort and a round of applause all round.

 

However, and more importantly, Pork Torpedo wanted to read out a text message from Hornie's daughter thanking all those who had baked and donated to the charity.

 

It was a heartfelt message than only a bereaved Mother could have penned. The key message was that it is OK to talk about one's loss. Even though the child might not have made it into our world, the child was very much alive throughout the pregnancy and it is important to keep that memory alive.

 

People frequently consider the issue of still-birth somewhat taboo. Something not to be talked about. Something to be kept inside the family. This just makes matters worse.

 

We have all lost someone we love, a parent, a partner and, Heaven forbid, a child. Talking is good. It keeps the memory of those we love, and have loved, alive. It is cathartic. It is not taboo. To quote the old BT advert, "It is good to talk" - especially amongst friends.

 

And so over to the Hare.

 

Well Hopped had diligently made some notes. There would be the usual three trails, a Walkers', Shorts' and Longs'. Marks would usually be on the right....except when they weren't. For the Walkers, it was crucially important to check for an important mark on your left. The distances were approximately 2, 4 and 6 miles. This clear explanation was immediately followed by the Bird asking how far it was!

 

Trail

The trail was pretty much the tried and tested route from this venue. But that certainly did not detract from it remaining a fantastic trail.

 

I think the operative word from the first sentence is "pretty". The views over Teignmouth and out to sea from the drink stop are beautiful. Ergo, the view over the Teign from Higher Radway Farm must be one of the most picturesque views from any Hash trail in Devon. And all this washed down by another brilliant drink stop guarded by Norman and Norma. The sea shunting Bluebird just couldn't get enough Captain Morgan at the drink stop....or now that he's gone all reggae, should that be a brandy shandy and grenadine?

 

The trail headed up through woods towards the golf course and Little Haldon. The Longs then went on a loop around the edge of the golf course and lost the trail....two dots and........errr....nothing. 

 

Eventually, after backtracking to the previous check that was cunningly laid, almost in reverse, we picked up the trail along and then across Teignmouth golf course. 

 

Just below the clubhouse, we are back with the Shorts and heading along the postman's path to the drink stop which was being manned by Roger the Dodger. Excellent selection, presentation and hospitality along with terrific views. We loitered and nibbled for far too long. Almost inevitably it is was onto the public footpath at Higher Radway Farm.

 

Whilst Polyfella and the Pig carefully watched their steps along the steep descent, the light-footed Warmfront simply disappeared from view, her feet barely touching the ground.

 

At Teignview Road, there was the second Long/Short split. The Shorts headed right and up Teignview Road towards the cemetery. The Longs dropped down onto Forde Lane.

 

Unfortunately, what goes down must, Shirley, go up. Almost at the end of Forder Lane, an arrow directs us towards the steep climb up the locally nicknamed Happy Hill. Beefy maintained that he was perfectly happy. Warmfront did not pass comment on the extent to which she was happy - or not. Suffice to say that, at this point, the usually warp factor progress of the light footed one had ground to a slow walk.

 

A tad shy of 7 miles for the Longs. I'd say that we had earned ourselves a beer....or two?

 

And now over to the Bird is the Word:

 

CAPTAIN MORGAN INVIGORATES & MISS INN' APPEARS IN THE INN

Yes, Oh Dearly Beloved, it's me again. The reports of my hash retirement were somewhat premature.

The whimsy in me fluttered and stirred on seeing the ages old snap of Wiggsy and the Beetlejuice trouser-attired Bird, so you have Beefy to blame for my appearance at the Red Rock Baby this early June evening.

 

Weary you further, I shall not and cut to the chase without further ado though I was deeply troubled by my inability to recall the hare giving out distances and my asking for same but a few moments later. Never mind, now on to the action.. slowmo though it proved to be.

 

Few will recall that olden day cars needed the engine to be run for several minutes before setting off to necessitate fuel mixing and lubrication. The parallel with ancient hashers is similar. The shock of starting to run without a warm-up was disconcerting to say the least.

 

That first hill doesn't get easier and by the first check at half a mile I could hear the warning voice: 'Come in number thirty three, your time is up..' sigh.

 

I tarried with Big End, fervently hoping it wasn't up the rocky hell path to the golf course, but indeed it was. The two mile walkers looked to be the wisest choice as I grimly climbed and staggered upwards.

 

Up the gloomy gorge we struggled, valley of the shade of death

No time to halt gladly at the summit or indeed to catch our breath

 

The once gay caravan of hashers faltered and shredded apart, some never to be seen again.

 

My company for the evening's test was young Flowery who also was lacking in fitness. We tagged onto Big End and Wet Johnny as we traversed the golf course. At the exit of the golf course we ground to a halt. Big End was surveying the marks with a frown. 'They can't be right' and with that, he erased a cross and we continued.

 

Huge was the effort expended as the drinks stop hove into view.

 

As a rule, I seldom tarry long at such contrivances, but this evening I was grateful for a pause.

And there it was - a bottle of Captain Morgan rum! Oh lordy and smacka my thigh. I recall having a few shots and then launching into Bury My Body and Calypso Rum and Grenadine but it's all a bit hazy.

 

Leaving Captain Morgan, I spotted a potential souvenir to take away. Over the years I have 'recovered' a few unlikely trail souvenirs: A false leg (on this very trail) a lady mannequin and an inflatable crocodile to name but three.

 

However, there was a problem with this contender - what I thought was a plastic gnome turned out to be a weighty ceramic model. As I toyed with the idea of transporting it back to the bar, Big End shouted: 'Oi, you can't nick that!' I reluctantly abandoned the enterprise as Flowery reminded me of the Basil Fawlty sketch of Basil holding a gnome which he was going to insert into the cowboy builder O'Reilly. No? Well...

 

Now, where was I? Ah yes, we had already travelled three miles by the watering hole and both Flowery and I were a tad concerned about how far there was to go. The projected four for the short seemed unlikely and if that were the case, the long might be over six as well.

 

The hares had done well as the hash had been brought together and we had company up to the L/S split. Flowery and I decided that the short was the wisest option and we were delighted to squeeze a five miler out of a short trail - and survive to relate the tale.

 

A quarter of a mile from the sanctuary of the bar, a large 4 X 4 drew alongside. A short conversation with Bin Laden who regularly drops by the Humber farm enterprise for an ale or two, though Flowery failed to recognise him. Perhaps it wasn't him- after those invigorating jolts of Captain Morgan.

 

Back at the ranch-house, the Jail was an okay £4.50 agogo and the company was excellent. Wetfart marked my card with an Elvis song I hadn't heard - Long Black Limousine - well That's All Right. 

 

Quite a surprise was the appearance inside by Miss Inn' - named as such for the reason she only does the run and fails to attend the pub. A DD Shirley? Nope, apparently no-one had spotted the rarity.

A most enjoyable evening - thank you Roger and Well Hopped. And not forgetting Captain Morgan!

 

Down-Downs

The Pig is RA

 

Ablesemen for hoarding "a nice pair" of Awards, including the missing Hashshit shirt (recently returned from Porton Down)

 

The Hares for an excellent trail and sweetie stop

 

Coldtits for telephone usage on trail

 

As Beefy remarked, the 'inevitable' DD to Psycho for making a pit stop en route

 

Pork Torpedo for kicking over his own drink and finally,

Pork Torpedo and Horny for their excellent fundraising in support of SANDS

 

A final Hash song only for the co-owner of the Grumpy farmer who had missed all the down-downs, "Hold it your hand Mrs Murphy"!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Artichoke at Christow (a long time since we were last there). Our Hare is Forrest-Stump.

 

On-On to next week. MP & the Bird.

BACK TO THE RED ROCK BABY!

Run #2078 Monday 2nd June Circle up 7:15 pm from The Grumpy Farmer, Higher Humber Farm TQ14 9TD Bishopsteignton (the former Red Rock Brewery) with the old firm of: Big End, Well Hopped and Roger the Dodger.

The bar area has been opened right out. A complete transformation and it's no longer that railway carriage style.

Hash no 2077, Saddle Tor, with hare Pisswell.

 A wild windswept evening on Dartmoor with the wind aggressively blowing the dead flowers!

Who woz there: Hare Pisswell, Forrest, Beeflicker, Manpig, Ernie, Poacher, Big End, Well Hopped, Rodger the Dodger, Smash, returnee Werzit, Miss Mash, Wet Johnny, Isabelle, George P’Orgy, Piltdown Man.

 

Circle up: Our new Vice GM welcomed the brave hashers that had turned out on a wild, windy bank holiday evening. He had had to hoick them out of their cars as the heavens opened. Beeflicker, Beefy and the hare were already looking worse for wear, having arrived at the circle wet, with many miles already under their belt! He mumbled that it was hash number 20.. something. He hoped he had not been mistaken for our GM Pocket Rocket, after dying his hair black, ( or was it a dark blue?) for his butler performance in “Murdered to death” last week. The resemblance was uncanny!

 

The hare: The hare had had to park elsewhere in the day, as the carpark was full earlier. She had just laid the first bit of trail, cunningly returning over the ankle breaking terrain from Rippon tor to trick people. She was going to lay a live trail for the walkers, which would double as the longs later and be two way. She didn’t say there was a sweety stop or that E near an arrow meant “Easy”. Wasn’t that obvious?

 

The trail:

The white cliffs of Dover - Vera Lynn

 

There’ll be Bluebells all over/ White Cliffs Of Dover

Song by “what a din”/ Vera Lynn see below

Will the bluebells be over?

On Dartmoor past Stover

Past Haytor, just you wait and see

Saddle Tor and Laughter

The grand tour you’re after

The ground is blue at Emsworthy

And into the fields we’ll keep

The old barn we’ll see again

Some of you will go down steep

Cross rivers and streams and then…

There'll be wet feet in mire

If you so desire

The wet split, bog at Emsworthy

The walkers will find the track

To get on the old tram line

The beehive we should meet back

A regroup and sweety time

Then on to the quarries

They’re steep but no worries

The split marks your end, the bog will see!

And again, (last verse)now you know the tune! …

Soon the Bluebells are over

‘Neath Bracken and clover

A gallop home if all are found

Back to the car park

Before it gets dark

 Tin, Pickle and Rhum for the On-down.

 

Out takes:

I didn’t quite perfect the time for the bluebells. A lot were dead.

 

I definitely didn’t coordinate the weather. 

 

Walkers lost the “live” hare, when she disappeared from view! (Your dots were fresh!)

Thank you to Big End, Well hopped and Roger the Dodger for ignoring the Ha ha, ( not for the walkers at all) and listening to the echo in the quarry of me calling them to the sweety stop. 

 

Thank you to returnee Werzit for coming, a great family gathering. None to be seen again however. Hope you were all ok? And Poacher also. 

 

Longs and shorts well done. I’m glad you got to see the Beehive and Quarry. Well done Wet Johnny for carrying Isabelle over his shoulder to stop her feet getting wet. Amazing!

 

Manpig, Ernie, Beefy and Beeflicker thanks for persevering through gulleys, rivers, tors and moor. (And ignoring Es). Especial thanks to the two B’s for doing my “bog”. I’m gutted I didn’t get you all in the bog together, but hey ho!

 

As a treat you all got to miss the very steep Ha Ha!

 

Down downs: The hare’s down down was for being too “Easy”. Though I must say it was not an easy lay!

 

Well hopped got a down down for being very blonde and thinking that our returnee Werzit was discribed as blind! That’s “blonde”, Well Hopped, not “blind”!

 

Beeflicker was given a down down for running to the hash, seeing the hare being dropped off by Forrest to lay the bog, and wanting a lift. He was in the middle of a downpour with just a tea shirt on and looked pretty wild, so he didn’t get one!

 

Forrest, with the Bluehair, was awarded a down down for his triple role. He was GM for the evening, RA and co -hare after offering the lift (to Pisswell, not Beeflicker). 

 

Piltdown man accepted a down down on behalf of all walkers who are scared of a Ha Ha. It was a pretty scarey one but not for walkers and in fact not for anyone in the end. If anyone wants a little laugh, I’ll tell you where to go, although I think the rain has washed it all away by now, along with all memories of this trail (never to be discussed again).

 

Thank you all for a lovely cosy evening in the pub.

 

On on to next week at The Grumpy Farmer, formally Red Rock Brewery with Well hopped, Big End and Rodger the dodger. Please dress appropriately, or was it …..Look Grumpy? Can’t remember. On on.

 

Pisswell xx

BLUEBELL HASH

Run #2077 Monday 26th May BLUEBELL HASH Circle up 7:15 pm from Saddle Tor car park south (second CP from Haytor) with Pisswell.

On down at Tinpickle and Rhum, Moorland hotel, Haytor TQ13 9XT .

Menu as below. please phone 01364 661407 or drop in on your way to the hash to order.

THE WORDS FOR TVH3

Run #2076 Monday 19th May

from the Prince of Orange at Barton

 

Who was there:

 

Hares Smash and Beeflicker

Basecamp, Threesum, Strap-on, Poacher, Zoot, Hotlips, Missmash, Slip on Me, Horny, Pork Torpedo, Able, Wetfart, Teapot, Coldtits, Pisswell, Beefy, Melon picker, Soapy, Smellie, Pocket Rocket, Manpig, Wet Johnny, Red Rum and Mane Attraction.

 

Circle up.

With a great turnout on this lovely sunny evening, all waiting to find out what Smash had planned for us all and she didn't disappoint, arriving on the dot. The GM called for all to gather round and listen in. After welcoming everyone to hash number whatever it was, he asked for any notices.

 

* S.M. Ellie asked for locations from the hares already booked in.

* Pisswell reminded everyone which car park to be in next week (I still haven't a clue, i'll just close my eyes and try pot luck and hope I get it right) also to not leave anything valuable in view in your car due to a spate of break-ins,

* Manpig asked for a volunteer to do the words, well volunteered Able!!

No more notices so over to the hare,

 

Smash explained that it's laid in flour, with arrows pointing in all directions, now to pay attention as the walkers is a live trail so stay with her or you will get lost (I'm sure people still got lost). The walkers will be an A2B or A2B2A, it's your choice. Everyone chose A2B because of the pesky hills. The shorts was about 4ish and longs about 6ish ( it was almost 9.5, re planning was needed). Most importantly, there was a sweetie and drink stop for all to partake (unless you got lost, and if you did, you surely missed out as what a fantastic one it was).

 

The trail,

Walkers.... after leaving the pub (these youngsters had to be dragged away from it really) they turned left and then right down Clennon Lane and all the way down to Fore Street and turned right.

 

At the end of Fore Street they crossed the road and onto Hartop Road and then bore left into Petitor Rd.

At the roundabout it was another right into St Marychurch Road (so many rights I don't know how people went wrong) and down to Babbacombe model village car park and then headed down Cliffside Road onto the coastal path which was followed all the way to Oddicombe beach for the sweetie stop. 

 

This was the end for the walkers where they would either get a lift back or do the trail in reverse.

Longs and Shorts.... after falling out the pub we headed left along Isaacs Road bearing left and then right to Church Road with Pocket Rocket leading the pack (I've never seen him move so fast) followed by Poacher, Beefy, Wet Johnny and Beeflicker.

 

A long slog down Moor Lane and through the park to the Teignmouth road where we turned right and then left into the fields.

 

Pocket rocket was on fire and still out front, maybe he heard there were animals in the field (explained at the down downs). in the field and doubling back on ourselves, we came to a L/S split. The Rocket went right and short and wasn't to be seen again until the pub!

 

Poacher, Beefy, Wet J and Beeflicker went left and long. The trail took us up the hill, around the fields and out to the golf course where we turned left and headed to the coastal path.

 

Down the steep hill and to the right, we headed along the coastal path until we reached the check at Petitor Road.Beefy checked the false trail and was not sighted again and Poacher checked Petitor Road, he had it right but lost his voice as no on ons were called and he too, was never to be seen again.

Manpig had caught up.and called 'on back' to Beefy but to no avail, (had Beefy fallen off the path into the sea and floated to France?). I guess we will find out at the pub. Wet J, the Pig and Beeflicker pushed on down Petitor Road and veered left at the end down St Marychurch Road to the model village car park where they zig-zagged back to the coastal path, following it to the Babbacombe tram thingymajig where we came across a lost and baffled Able Seamen and Slip on Me. They could smell the sweetie stop but couldn't find it. They were duly rescued and escorted to Oddicombe beach for their well-deserved rewards.

 

At the sweetie stop, hosted by Smash and Miss Mash, a couple of harriets in the form of Threesum and Mane Attraction, were sat with feet up, in the sun, beer in one hand and snacks in the other, that's the life to live, you lucky ladies.

 

After the sweetie stop, the trail headed along by the sea on the coastal path and up the steps following the pathway back to Oddicombe beach hill (this section was either virgin territory or not used since 1805 when Bluebird last used it).

 

Then we went along Cliffside Road to the village car park and millenium gardens before following the walkers route back to the pub.

 

An amazing trail, Smash, and thoroughly enjoyed by everyone.

 

Down downs.....

*The hares Smash and Beeflicker to the tune of S.H.I..Y trail

*Melonpicker was awarded the jesters hat for his 103rd birthday... cue the tvh3 choir for the happy birthday song

*S.M.ellie for worrying about her glamorous looks being ruined by her roots to the tune of... why was she born so beautiful

*Pocket Rocket for boasting about performing at the devon county show... a show with many animals, what on earth was he performing? The mind boggles.. He was awarded the tune of horse's ass

 

On on to next week at Saddle Tor car park

 

On down at Tinpickle & Rhum I believe.

 

Signing off,

Beeflicker