The Grumpy Farmer (formerly Red Rock Brewery) Humber
Run No. 2078
HARES: Well Hopped & Roger the Dodger
Who
wuz there: Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig,
Forrest Stump, Bluebird, Pisswell, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy,
Smellie, Coldtits, Big End, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Psycho, Warm Front,
Smash, Miss Mash, Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Polyfella, Wetfart, Archangel,
Miss'ing (who wasn't), Rise'n'Shine & returnee, Bog Roll
Circle
A
welcome return to the former Red Rock Brewery after an absence of over
a year. The Grumpy Farmer now operates as a wedding venue.
Prior
to the Circle, Rise'n'Shine, Ablesemen and Man-Pig were lucky to get a
guided tour of the wedding barn and reception areas, courtesy of the
new owner. Lovely exposed ancient oak beams atop a stone built barn.
All beautiful and very rustic.
But in no time at all it was time to Circle Up.
Pocket
Rocket quietly welcomes all whilst the Hash firing squad surround him
and take aim. What was his misdemeanour? Drinking beer with .....a
meal - all quite legal apparently so we all put down our weapons and
carried on as normal.
The GM advises that we have two returnees in the form of Rise'n'Shine and Bog Roll - welcome back.
Smellie needs a hare for one slot in July. I think Beeflicker has volunteered.
Next
Pork Torpedo steps up to give us an update on the fund-raising that he
has being doing for the SANDS charity. Pork Torpedo explained that he
was one of a group of seven fundraisers that had committed to running
at least a mile-a-day throughout May; although all had well exceeded
that mileage.
The
team comprised Pork Torpedo, Hornie, Hornies' daughter (Jailbait)
their son-in-law (Up-Periscope), Soapy, and two others. Together they
have raised in excess of £6,000 - a fantastic effort and a round of
applause all round.
However,
and more importantly, Pork Torpedo wanted to read out a text message
from Hornie's daughter thanking all those who had baked and donated to
the charity.
It
was a heartfelt message than only a bereaved Mother could have penned.
The key message was that it is OK to talk about one's loss. Even
though the child might not have made it into our world, the child was
very much alive throughout the pregnancy and it is important to keep
that memory alive.
People
frequently consider the issue of still-birth somewhat taboo. Something
not to be talked about. Something to be kept inside the family. This
just makes matters worse.
We
have all lost someone we love, a parent, a partner and, Heaven forbid,
a child. Talking is good. It keeps the memory of those we love, and
have loved, alive. It is cathartic. It is not taboo. To quote the old
BT advert, "It is good to talk" - especially amongst friends.
And so over to the Hare.
Well
Hopped had diligently made some notes. There would be the usual three
trails, a Walkers', Shorts' and Longs'. Marks would usually be on the
right....except when they weren't. For the Walkers, it was crucially
important to check for an important mark on your left. The distances
were approximately 2, 4 and 6 miles. This clear explanation was
immediately followed by the Bird asking how far it was!
Trail
The
trail was pretty much the tried and tested route from this venue. But
that certainly did not detract from it remaining a fantastic trail.
I
think the operative word from the first sentence is "pretty". The
views over Teignmouth and out to sea from the drink stop are beautiful.
Ergo, the view over the Teign from Higher Radway Farm must be one of
the most picturesque views from any Hash trail in Devon. And all this
washed down by another brilliant drink stop guarded by Norman and
Norma. The sea shunting Bluebird just couldn't get enough Captain
Morgan at the drink stop....or now that he's gone all reggae, should
that be a brandy shandy and grenadine?
The
trail headed up through woods towards the golf course and Little
Haldon. The Longs then went on a loop around the edge of the golf course
and lost the trail....two dots and........errr....nothing.
Eventually,
after backtracking to the previous check that was cunningly laid,
almost in reverse, we picked up the trail along and then across
Teignmouth golf course.
Just
below the clubhouse, we are back with the Shorts and heading along the
postman's path to the drink stop which was being manned by Roger the
Dodger. Excellent selection, presentation and hospitality along with
terrific views. We loitered and nibbled for far too long. Almost
inevitably it is was onto the public footpath at Higher Radway Farm.
Whilst
Polyfella and the Pig carefully watched their steps along the steep
descent, the light-footed Warmfront simply disappeared from view, her
feet barely touching the ground.
At
Teignview Road, there was the second Long/Short split. The Shorts
headed right and up Teignview Road towards the cemetery. The Longs
dropped down onto Forde Lane.
Unfortunately,
what goes down must, Shirley, go up. Almost at the end of Forder Lane,
an arrow directs us towards the steep climb up the locally nicknamed
Happy Hill. Beefy maintained that he was perfectly happy. Warmfront did
not pass comment on the extent to which she was happy - or not.
Suffice to say that, at this point, the usually warp factor progress of
the light footed one had ground to a slow walk.
A tad shy of 7 miles for the Longs. I'd say that we had earned ourselves a beer....or two?
And now over to the Bird is the Word:
CAPTAIN MORGAN INVIGORATES & MISS INN' APPEARS IN THE INN
Yes, Oh Dearly Beloved, it's me again. The reports of my hash retirement were somewhat premature.
The
whimsy in me fluttered and stirred on seeing the ages old snap of
Wiggsy and the Beetlejuice trouser-attired Bird, so you have Beefy to
blame for my appearance at the Red Rock Baby this early June evening.
Weary
you further, I shall not and cut to the chase without further ado
though I was deeply troubled by my inability to recall the hare giving
out distances and my asking for same but a few moments later. Never
mind, now on to the action.. slowmo though it proved to be.
Few
will recall that olden day cars needed the engine to be run for
several minutes before setting off to necessitate fuel mixing and
lubrication. The parallel with ancient hashers is similar. The shock of
starting to run without a warm-up was disconcerting to say the least.
That
first hill doesn't get easier and by the first check at half a mile I
could hear the warning voice: 'Come in number thirty three, your time
is up..' sigh.
I
tarried with Big End, fervently hoping it wasn't up the rocky hell
path to the golf course, but indeed it was. The two mile walkers looked
to be the wisest choice as I grimly climbed and staggered upwards.
Up the gloomy gorge we struggled, valley of the shade of death
No time to halt gladly at the summit or indeed to catch our breath
The once gay caravan of hashers faltered and shredded apart, some never to be seen again.
My
company for the evening's test was young Flowery who also was lacking
in fitness. We tagged onto Big End and Wet Johnny as we traversed the
golf course. At the exit of the golf course we ground to a halt. Big End
was surveying the marks with a frown. 'They can't be right' and with
that, he erased a cross and we continued.
Huge was the effort expended as the drinks stop hove into view.
As a rule, I seldom tarry long at such contrivances, but this evening I was grateful for a pause.
And
there it was - a bottle of Captain Morgan rum! Oh lordy and smacka my
thigh. I recall having a few shots and then launching into Bury My
Body and Calypso Rum and Grenadine but it's all a bit hazy.
Leaving
Captain Morgan, I spotted a potential souvenir to take away. Over the
years I have 'recovered' a few unlikely trail souvenirs: A false leg
(on this very trail) a lady mannequin and an inflatable crocodile to
name but three.
However,
there was a problem with this contender - what I thought was a plastic
gnome turned out to be a weighty ceramic model. As I toyed with the
idea of transporting it back to the bar, Big End shouted: 'Oi, you
can't nick that!' I reluctantly abandoned the enterprise as Flowery
reminded me of the Basil Fawlty sketch of Basil holding a gnome which
he was going to insert into the cowboy builder O'Reilly. No? Well...
Now,
where was I? Ah yes, we had already travelled three miles by the
watering hole and both Flowery and I were a tad concerned about how far
there was to go. The projected four for the short seemed unlikely and
if that were the case, the long might be over six as well.
The
hares had done well as the hash had been brought together and we had
company up to the L/S split. Flowery and I decided that the short was
the wisest option and we were delighted to squeeze a five miler out of a
short trail - and survive to relate the tale.
A
quarter of a mile from the sanctuary of the bar, a large 4 X 4 drew
alongside. A short conversation with Bin Laden who regularly drops by
the Humber farm enterprise for an ale or two, though Flowery failed to
recognise him. Perhaps it wasn't him- after those invigorating jolts of
Captain Morgan.
Back
at the ranch-house, the Jail was an okay £4.50 agogo and the company
was excellent. Wetfart marked my card with an Elvis song I hadn't heard -
Long Black Limousine - well That's All Right.
Quite
a surprise was the appearance inside by Miss Inn' - named as such for
the reason she only does the run and fails to attend the pub. A DD
Shirley? Nope, apparently no-one had spotted the rarity.
A most enjoyable evening - thank you Roger and Well Hopped. And not forgetting Captain Morgan!
Down-Downs
The Pig is RA
Ablesemen for hoarding "a nice pair" of Awards, including the missing Hashshit shirt (recently returned from Porton Down)
The Hares for an excellent trail and sweetie stop
Coldtits for telephone usage on trail
As Beefy remarked, the 'inevitable' DD to Psycho for making a pit stop en route
Pork Torpedo for kicking over his own drink and finally,
Pork Torpedo and Horny for their excellent fundraising in support of SANDS
A final Hash song only for the co-owner of the Grumpy farmer who had missed all the down-downs, "Hold it your hand Mrs Murphy"!
Next week
Next week's Hash is from the Artichoke at Christow (a long time since we were last there). Our Hare is Forrest-Stump.
On-On to next week. MP & the Bird.
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