Run #1813 from the Wellington Inn, Ipplepen with Wet Johnny and Erection.
If only we had known, hash #1813 should have been scheduled for a fortnight later. Why, Oh Dearly Intrigued? The fam-ed Battle of Waterloo 1815 no less with that great British leader the Duke of Wellington. But never mind, on a wet evening, some hashers would meet their watery Waterloo from the Wellington Inn, courtesy of Wet Johnny and Erection.
There was undoubtedly the 'I don't fancy getting wet tonight' factor that ultimately decimated attendance, but, nevertheless, thirty three intrepid souls - no fair weather hashers these - made the circle in light drizzle to hear the sermon according to Shitfaced.
No Teapot and Piltdown faithfully recorded the brave thirty three who were going to risk it but please don't get me started on that ditty:
Grand Master Shitfaced, Fukarwi, Piltdown & Georgy, T Humper, Getting Wet, Never Wet, I-Poo'd, Poles Piddler, Zorro, Twinkletoes, Gaga4It sporting a natty waterproof one piece ensemble with even nattier headwear, SatNav, Winfield, 69, Beefy, Wet Johnny, Manapause, Erection, Virgin Nicky who found us on Facebook, Dan & Holly, Wigwam, Archangel, Forrest, Manpig, Able, Wetfart, BB, Artful Dogger, SM Ellie, Hagen Daz & Budgie Smuggler*.
That good 'ol' country boy Forrest was straight onto the bunny when he caught sight of a hazelnut harvest next to his battered chariot. Ah, good memories and I helped gather the tasty feast with Forrest and his hole in the bottom plastic bag - evidently recycled since the villainous dawn... but I digress once more so without further ado, back to the action..
A fluorescence of assorted rain jackets did assail the eyes but was pointedly scorned by three who were intent on trucking out there in the recently formed wetlands of Ipplepen..
The circle got under way after the GM retired from the impromptu footie kick-about which had been initiated by Getting Wet who was, like the rest of us, getting... No? Well please...
Various were the madding announcements as the fidgety three** shuffled and jiggled. Finally, there was an announcement too far as Fukarwi, he of the dubious spray on tan, stepped forward and unfortunately commenced his spiel with a 'May I make...' and was immediately howled down by the mob - sorry mate!
WJ gave the paddling orders: Three L/S splits, a walkers' trail...' and proceedings got underway with quite a heavy downpour to dampen the ardour of the bravehearts as we spilled out onto the highway heading for the common and adventure aplenty.
Artful Dogger was nearly witness to a hit and run most foul as a horse box careered past in a flurry of spray to come within millimetres of taking out a fleeing Baby Bat.** Nasty moment that.
The Artful Dogger led us up onto Orleigh Common where the drama was to unfold. A cunning check concertinaed the pack as the doughty longs awaited the call from the FRB scouts. The ON ON was called and it was Piccadilly Circus as Manapause, Manpig, Dan. Holly, Beefy, Hagen Daz and Budgie Smuggler jockeyed for position in the narrow wood paths made slippy slick by the day's deluge.
The immortal words were uttered: 'Out of my way, I'm so hot I'm practically on fire!' Sigh... It happened in a flash - Artful Dogger cried 'Oh Oh!' and survived a glass like descent but the unfortunate follower wearing light Epic road race shoes had no such luck and went down like a good 'un blocking the thoroughfare. What a catastrophe, what a Pillock! Gleefully did the pack trample the afflicted Bat and it was only the noble Fukarwi who rendered assistance.
Back at the pub I heard that Holly had taken a far worse tumble nearby. Quickly up and in the heat of battle, she still continued to complete the 6 mile long before the damage manifested itself into a large bruise along her shin. Fingers crossed no lasting injury.
Exiting the treacherous wood, salvation loom-ed - the blessed road opened up and merrily did we gallivant and cavort in the pale moonlight***. Fukarwi had a very quick burst on his one stringed banjo before the FRBs resumed station.
Past the Church House at Torbryan (2.4 miles in) we fled and intercepted Piltdown and pooch on the short. Manpig was still boxing on and Zorro arrived on the scene as we went cross country en routey for Denbury.
The sounds of pursuit gradually fell away and the Artful Dogger and Beefy coursed onward with the pace picking up on the tarmac. A little earlier, Beefy had survived a slippery stile but had turned his ankle and wisely eased round the final part of the trail.
By the Union Inn, I knew the way home but there was an 'interesting' moment when blinded by driving drizzle, I plunged into a flooded section of lane and stepped into a pothole which somewhat checked my momentum.
Up the back of the church and there was Poles Piddler doggedly climbing to the pub.
Plenty of room at the inn and the bangers & chips satisfied, washed down with Doom Bar or Otter.
With so many awards (Pillock shirt, Horsey Horseface hat, Viking horns and the recently emerged Dickhead Hat) missing, three bat hats were the last hats standing for RA Manpig to hand out.
*Sorry Zoot, forgot to tell them about the shirt.
**The usual suspects: Artful Dogger, Beefy and the Bat.
***Poetic licence.
WINFIELD'S WISDOM & AWARDS
After pouring with rain all day, tonight looked a washout!. But many hardy Hashers had made it to our Circle including new Harriet Linsey.
In persistent rain, after surviving a slippery time on Orley Common, decided to keep on Short along with Satnav and Piddler, to the Sweet Stop, followed by on a hilly trail through Clennon Woods, where every time we pulled away from Piddler on the flat. the closing sound of his sticks on the uphills kept us moving on! faster to the On Home and a dry off!
Awards for the evening were presented to...
Wet Johnny: An appropriate name for giving us such a WET time!
Getting Wetter: Another good name! for his football tricks before Circle time.
Bluebird: ..Yes again! for falling over after saying he was "On fire" with his performance!
T.Humper: For claiming to be Safety Officer in guiding those going astray home early!
To Holly and Dan a joint naming!
Holly from the brewery to be known as Well Hopped after struggling with her DD
Dan the master mechanic named Big End
Well done the Hares for a great evening in-spite of the weather!
POSTSCRIPT
The hares had drawn the short waterlogged straw but laid the usual solid and inspired trail. The longs really appreciated the arrows in the last part of the run - checks would not have helped in the conditions! Reluctantly, I'll have to look at some off-road shoes as it was impossible in road racers! Lovely evening with lovely company, my pint glass did Shirley overfloweth despite nearly meeting my Waterloo.
On On to next week to the Oktoberfest at Maltings Taphouse Newton Abbot (TQ12 4AA) with Hare Wigwam
Watch this space! in-case there is a problem with the venue
