Run #1817 Monday 21st October from the Court Farm Inn, Abbotskerswell with Piddler & Going Down
Friends, Hashers, virgins, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Piddler, not to praise him.
Oh miserable day that I should recount such a tale of woe and misfortune.
Not
since the Mongol hordes of Genghis Khan swept across the plains of Asia
has such a catastrophic event been visited upon our noble hash, Oh
Dearly Beloved and it is my painful duty to relate and thus record the
fateful evening for posterity.
Great
tales of wonder had spread across the hashing fraternity of Piddler's
magnificent trail from the same venue for South Hams - only he hadn't
laid it - Going Down had and Piddler had graciously accepted the
plaudits with doffed sombrero. Perhaps not heeding the adage 'If it
ain't broke, don't fix it' Piddler had added a few tweaks to the trail,
hopeful that his reputation would further be enhanced. But read on,
you faithful and see how it unravelled, I mean unfolded...
No
Grand Master as he had been matching pints with that legendary drinker
Jim Davidson up in Liverpool but, even with so many regulars missing,
Winfield & Teapot recorded sixty two at the circle and it will be
miraculous indeed if I can recall that many:
Winfield,
Teapot, Georgy, Piltdown, Going Down, Piddler, Mateus Rose,
Twinkletoes, Rise 'n' Shine, Teararse, Zorro, Grinder, Deep Throat,
Beefy, BroadS, SM Ellie, Camel Foot, Sugar Puff, Mark, TT, SatNav,
Soapy, Melon Picker, Rambo, Doris, Forrest, Wood Lend, virgins four -
Chris, Lara, Tatum and another Chris, Bobby, Dozy Parrot, Wetfart, All
Over The Place, Slip on Me, Shirelle, Wet Johnny, Erection, Fukarwi,
69, Palmolive, Wash n Dry, Allo Vera, Fallen Woman, Gaga4It, U Bend,
Archangel, Coldtits, BB, Plonker, Pisswell, Hagen Daz, Budgie Smuggler,
Fishbait, Small Fry, 56 listed so missing but half a dozen.
Pleased
to be able to report that Broken Man had his knee op on Monday and
okay, look forward to seeing him back with the hash soon.
The
circle was but the forerunner of the impending doom as notice after
notice - all deserving of mention - were relayed to the waiting
multitude:
A
failed down down for Mateus Rose on being presented with her 50 Run
badge, the DD eventually being taken by All over the Place.
Soapy reminding all to wear fancy dress for next week's Halloween Hash from the Keyberry.
Fukarwi giving final reminder for Saturday's Oktoberfest from Broadhempston Village Hall (that's a pint you owe me Fukarwi)
Forrest rescheduling his famous Firework and Bonfire hash to November 11th, swapping his Nov 4th slot with Bluebird.
No dogs in the bar!
Finally,
much later than usual, Piddler outlined the scheme: A long, a medium, a
short and a walkers' trail - ambitious indeed but Piddler, flushed with
Wednesday's success had little notion that it would be the toilet that
would be flushed in the next two or so hours...sigh
For
the first time ever, I was consigned to the short trail due to
continuing injury, but I was holding out little hope of completing..
Skipping
maniacally and waving his fork-ed stick, the wingless Bat joined the
Shorts' party, safe in the knowledge that old hands Winfield, Fallen
Woman and U Bend were alongside.
A
cross - from presumably Wednesday - halted proceedings after about a
hundred yards but the Bertie's Band* were soon back on trail and Sugar
Puff (I think) was our trail blazer. Up off road to a fork and Sugar
Puff waited as no check to be seen. 'It has to be straight on!' cried
SatNav but at a fork it was debatable what constituted straight on. But
never mind, this happy band of shorts ploughed right and Shirley enough,
the marks resum-ed.
At
the top of the path was a road and still no check. Scouts were
despatched and when one returned, it was wagons roll to the right and
here, Oh Dearly Distraught, the wheels came off (the wagons). Confusion,
thy name is Shirley hash and horses neighed and reared as conflicting
calls were sounded in the deep recesses of darkest Whiddon.
Oh
the pain, the pain, the almost unbearable pain** and I'm not talking
about the trail - the hip had tightened and with the uncertainty, the
Bat wasn't prepared to risk it and saluting sharply, turned and retraced
his faltering footsteps.
A
mournful cry from Winfield drifted back: 'They've found it, call them
back!' And Shirley enough, a knot of head torches could be seen, far,
far away down the valley. 'Let me know how you get on!' was the
rejoinder as a tidy number had already gone beyond recall.
Hobbling
back down the path, the longs were approaching after successfully
completing their first section but they were to encounter what the
shorts had previously...
Plonker
was going like a steam train and, a few yards behind, Deep Throat was
being given a real run for his money. Beefy was also bang there with
these two speed kings and there was a yawning gap back to the pursuers.
Meanwhile,
back at the ranch house and reclining languidly on a bench, Piddler
awaited what would Shirley be more praise for his efforts. A neat array
of marks had been set out in front of him on the road, indicating a
long, medium and walkers' split.
The
first inkling that Piddler had of the catastrophe was when a heavily
limping messenger arrived to give the not so glad tidings. Unperturbed,
Piddler consulted his tech and explained patiently that the marks were
sound and we shouldn't have gone Pete Tong.
Most
unfortunately, the shorts, spearheaded by Winfield arrived from where
the longs and mediums should have and the scale of the calamity
gradually unfolded to Piddler's disbelief.
The
good news was that the walkers had encountered no problems but the bad
news was that hashers had been set upon by hordes of enraged wasps -
which I hasten to add was definitely not Piddler's fault.
Sugar
Puff, Zorro, Grinder and Deep Throat were laid low but levity aside,
dear Rise n Shine had an allergic reaction to her sting on the arm which
we all trust will clear up.
The
DDs had to be delayed until 9:40pm as longs were still absent - WJ and
Erection being out for about two hours. Going Down took charge of the
grub laid out on the pool table and potential freeloaders were thwarted
as she held onto the plates until money had been deposited - well done
indeed.
Did
Piddler fall on his sword? Of course not, he held out well and was
still explaining as he donned the 'I Am A Pillock' shirt - what a hero
and the stuff of legend. Te saluto Piddler, I salute thee!
The
pub was good with Legend, Otter and Tribute - all hasher favourites -
on tap. The head barman would not divulge his name (it was Max) but
appeared miraculously with a pint of Leg End whenever he saw me wave
from the next bar.
* All sorts
** Lost In Space series 1965 - loved it!
POSTSCRIPT
A
weird and wonderful evening with TVH and what tales there were to tell
back at the pub. Bobby and I know only too well how things can go wrong,
whatever efforts are made to ensure a great trail. Winfield hit the
nail on the head when he stated that there were no hares on the trail to
guide. Going Down could not as her blisters were still not healed from
Wednesday and Piddler, attired in 'normal' clothes, evidently could not
either, so it was just unfortunate. However, a great time was had by
most (Rise n Shine excepted) and thanks go to both Piddler and Going
Down for their hard work. It's not easy being a hare..
WINFIELD'S TRAIL MEMORIES
Laid ! as neither of the Hares were with us on Trail? This did cause
queries on the Long, Short and Walkers trails with the Short, who after
200yds met an old X, with all alternative routes failing. Some marks
did eventually lead us up a steep stony track to more unmarked lanes!
The large pack split here some returned, while others headed on
eventually finding a route along a flooded track to open fields with
plenty of shiggy! tracks and gates. This did eventually lead us back
into Abbotskerswell where some retired, while others carried on around
the village, with the Long still out-there somewhere?
We trust that the 5 or so virgin Hashes did enjoy this unusual
experience?
The Down Down awards were presented to the following:
Mateus Rose for her 50 Runs badge! when we finally caught up with her at the Circle! (but she did not drink up)
Piddler held fully responsible for that trail!
Sugar Puff, he and many others complained of being stung by a flea,wasp, or was it giant Hornets ?
Forrest Stump for invading the church yard!
Fukawe is timed after receiving his 300Runs badge at last!
Well done the Hares for a very different trail !!
On-On to next week its Halloween Dress for Soapy & Mellon Pickers trail from The Keyberry Decoy Newton Abbot .(TQ12 1DQ) (remember to bring cash for a drinks stop part way round)
