A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

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MASSACRE AT THE COURT FARM INN

Run #1817 Monday 21st October from the Court Farm Inn, Abbotskerswell with Piddler & Going Down

Friends, Hashers, virgins, lend me your ears; I come to bury Piddler, not to praise him.
Oh miserable day that I should recount such a tale of woe and misfortune.

Not since the Mongol hordes of Genghis Khan swept across the plains of Asia has such a catastrophic event been visited upon our noble hash, Oh Dearly Beloved and it is my painful duty to relate and thus record the fateful evening for posterity.

Great tales of wonder had spread across the hashing fraternity of Piddler's magnificent trail from the same venue for South Hams - only he hadn't laid it - Going Down had and Piddler had graciously accepted the plaudits with doffed sombrero. Perhaps not heeding the adage 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it' Piddler had added a few tweaks to the trail, hopeful that his reputation would further be enhanced. But read on, you faithful and see how it unravelled, I mean unfolded...

No Grand Master as he had been matching pints with that legendary drinker Jim Davidson up in Liverpool but, even with so many regulars missing, Winfield & Teapot recorded sixty two at the circle and it will be miraculous indeed if I can recall that many:

Winfield, Teapot, Georgy, Piltdown, Going Down, Piddler, Mateus Rose, Twinkletoes, Rise 'n' Shine, Teararse, Zorro, Grinder, Deep Throat, Beefy, BroadS, SM Ellie, Camel Foot, Sugar Puff, Mark, TT, SatNav, Soapy, Melon Picker, Rambo, Doris, Forrest, Wood Lend, virgins four - Chris, Lara, Tatum and another Chris, Bobby, Dozy Parrot, Wetfart, All Over The Place, Slip on Me, Shirelle, Wet Johnny, Erection, Fukarwi, 69, Palmolive, Wash n Dry, Allo Vera, Fallen Woman, Gaga4It, U Bend, Archangel, Coldtits, BB, Plonker, Pisswell, Hagen Daz, Budgie Smuggler, Fishbait, Small Fry, 56 listed so missing but half a dozen.

Pleased to be able to report that Broken Man had his knee op on Monday and okay, look forward to seeing him back with the hash soon.

The circle was but the forerunner of the impending doom as notice after notice - all deserving of mention - were relayed to the waiting multitude:

A failed down down for Mateus Rose on being presented with her 50 Run badge, the DD eventually being taken by All over the Place.
Soapy reminding all to wear fancy dress for next week's Halloween Hash from the Keyberry.
Fukarwi giving final reminder for Saturday's Oktoberfest from Broadhempston Village Hall (that's a pint you owe me Fukarwi)
Forrest rescheduling his famous Firework and Bonfire hash to November 11th, swapping his Nov 4th slot with Bluebird.
No dogs in the bar!

Finally, much later than usual, Piddler outlined the scheme: A long, a medium, a short and a walkers' trail - ambitious indeed but Piddler, flushed with Wednesday's success had little notion that it would be the toilet that would be flushed in the next two or so hours...sigh

For the first time ever, I was consigned to the short trail due to continuing injury, but I was holding out little hope of completing..

Skipping maniacally and waving his fork-ed stick, the wingless Bat joined the Shorts' party, safe in the knowledge that old hands Winfield, Fallen Woman and U Bend were alongside.

A cross - from presumably Wednesday - halted proceedings after about a hundred yards but the Bertie's Band* were soon back on trail and Sugar Puff (I think) was our trail blazer.  Up off road to a fork and Sugar Puff waited as no check to be seen. 'It has to be straight on!' cried SatNav but at a fork it was debatable what constituted straight on. But never mind, this happy band of shorts ploughed right and Shirley enough, the marks resum-ed.

At the top of the path was a road and still no check. Scouts were despatched and when one returned, it was wagons roll to the right and here, Oh Dearly Distraught, the wheels came off (the wagons). Confusion, thy name is Shirley hash and horses neighed and reared as conflicting calls were sounded in the deep recesses of darkest Whiddon.

Oh the pain, the pain, the almost unbearable pain** and I'm not talking about the trail - the hip had tightened and with the uncertainty, the Bat wasn't prepared to risk it and saluting sharply, turned and retraced his faltering footsteps.

A mournful cry from Winfield drifted back: 'They've found it, call them back!' And Shirley enough, a knot of head torches could be seen, far, far away down the valley. 'Let me know how you get on!' was the rejoinder as a tidy number had already gone beyond recall.

Hobbling back down the path, the longs were approaching after successfully completing their first section but they were to encounter what the shorts had previously...

Plonker was going like a steam train and, a few yards behind, Deep Throat was being given a real run for his money. Beefy was also bang there with these two speed kings and there was a yawning gap back to the pursuers.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch house and reclining languidly on a bench, Piddler awaited what would Shirley be more praise for his efforts. A neat array of marks had been set out in front of him on the road, indicating a long, medium and walkers' split.

The first inkling that Piddler had of the catastrophe was when a heavily limping messenger arrived to give the not so glad tidings. Unperturbed, Piddler consulted his tech and explained patiently that the marks were sound and we shouldn't have gone Pete Tong.

Most unfortunately, the shorts, spearheaded by Winfield arrived from where the longs and mediums should have and the scale of the calamity gradually unfolded to Piddler's disbelief.

The good news was that the walkers had encountered no problems but the bad news was that hashers had been set upon by hordes of enraged wasps - which I hasten to add was definitely not Piddler's fault.
Sugar Puff, Zorro, Grinder and Deep Throat were laid low but levity aside, dear Rise n Shine had an allergic reaction to her sting on the arm which we all trust will clear up.

The DDs had to be delayed until 9:40pm as longs were still absent - WJ and Erection being out for about two hours.  Going Down took charge of the grub laid out on the pool table and potential freeloaders were thwarted as she held onto the plates until money had been deposited - well done indeed.

Did Piddler fall on his sword?  Of course not, he held out well and was still explaining as he donned the 'I Am A Pillock' shirt - what a hero and the stuff of legend. Te saluto Piddler, I salute thee!

The pub was good with Legend, Otter and Tribute - all hasher favourites - on tap. The head barman would not divulge his name (it was Max) but appeared miraculously with a pint of Leg End whenever he saw me wave from the next bar.

* All sorts
** Lost In Space series 1965 - loved it!

POSTSCRIPT
A weird and wonderful evening with TVH and what tales there were to tell back at the pub. Bobby and I know only too well how things can go wrong, whatever efforts are made to ensure a great trail. Winfield hit the nail on the head when he stated that there were no hares on the trail to guide. Going Down could not as her blisters were still not healed from Wednesday and Piddler, attired in 'normal' clothes, evidently could not either, so it was just unfortunate. However, a great time was had by most (Rise n Shine excepted) and thanks go to both Piddler and Going Down for their hard work. It's not easy being a hare..

WINFIELD'S TRAIL MEMORIES Laid ! as neither of the Hares were with us on Trail? This did cause queries on the Long, Short and Walkers trails with the Short, who after 200yds met an old X, with all alternative routes failing. Some marks did eventually lead us up a steep stony track to more unmarked lanes! The large pack split here some returned, while others headed on eventually finding a route along a flooded track to open fields with plenty of shiggy! tracks and gates. This did eventually lead us back into Abbotskerswell where some retired, while others carried on around the village, with the Long still out-there somewhere? We trust that the 5 or so virgin Hashes did enjoy this unusual experience?
The Down Down awards were presented to the following:
Mateus Rose for her 50 Runs badge! when we finally caught up with her at the Circle! (but she did not drink up)
Piddler held fully responsible for that trail!
Sugar Puff, he and many others complained of being stung by a flea,wasp, or was it giant Hornets ? Forrest Stump for invading the church yard!
Fukawe is timed after receiving his 300Runs badge at last! Well done the Hares for a very different trail !!

On-On to next week its Halloween Dress for Soapy & Mellon Pickers trail from The Keyberry Decoy Newton Abbot .(TQ12 1DQ) (remember to bring cash for a drinks stop part way round)

TVH3 HABERDASHERY LINK

NEW MISMANAGEMENT & CONTACT TELS.

Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
Vice G M Winfield mobile 07855355338
On Sec Piltdown Man mobile 07773038756
R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
Hash Tax Satnav
Trail Raiser Doris
Haberdashery Zoot
Song Master Pork Torpedo
Social Sec T. Humper
Spider /Web Bluebird
Life President Pottsie
Vice President K C

HASH SUBS

HASH SUBS £25 and for your assistance you can now use the BACS payment system to pay please.
Details as follows.... Hash Account number 69068186 Sort code 55-70-01 NOTE you must use your HASH NAME as a reference. Many thanks Three-Some & Satnav

JESSE'S DD FROM THE TALLY HO!

EXPLANATION OF ARCHIVE TVH3 SITES

GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.

Fukarwi

Fukarwi

REARENDER

REARENDER

TEAPOT

TEAPOT

SOAPY

SOAPY

MOULDY DICK

MOULDY DICK

MELONPICKER

MELONPICKER

FALLEN WOMAN

FALLEN WOMAN

DORIS

DORIS

BROKEN MAN

BROKEN MAN

ARCHANGEL

ARCHANGEL

ABLE SEMEN

ABLE SEMEN

Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

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