Run #1830 from the Dolphin at Bovey Tracey with hares Soapy & Palmolive
'Twas fair jeelit ootside come circle up time in the dark recesses of the Dolphin car park and it was fitting that hardy (Scots lookalike) folk congregated for Soapy and Palmolive's Birthday Basheroo the noo.
Much Milly milling aboot and it was tricky Shirley to see who was who and the old minces played tricks. From thirty feet away there seemed a splendid abomination of a wee laddie complete with caber and sonsie red beard. Only when I got closer did the apparition become yon Beefy. Och, hoots mon, there's a McBeefy loose aboot the hoose. No? Well...
Teapot - destined to be the star of the evening - called the roll at forty true blues and I can match and even surpass the sonsie tally with 42 here nam-ed:
GM Shitfaced, Winfield, Teapot, Manpig, Beefy the Caber Man, SM Ellie, Last of the Mohicans came back from China and travels, Soapy, Melon Picker, Palmolive, Fishbait, Small Fry, Big End, Well Hopped, Bobby, Wiggy, Plonker, Artful Dogger, Woof Woof, Piltdown, Strap-On, Anne, Only Here, Dog End, Georgie, Adam, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Mateus Rose, I-Poo'd, Slip on Me, SatNav, Coldtits, Able, Forrest, Doris, Rambo, Para, BroadS and Hoots Bat.
Heard tell of a long, short and walkers' wi [Scottish sic] a SSS - Scottish Sweetie Stop ye Sassenachs and the Hoots Bat, Plonker and Artful Dogger legged it oot into braw Bovey. Do ye follow safari?
The lads were Shirley on a mission (both shorts/tee shirts) and champing at the bit and soon we found ourselves at the make your minds up fork below the church. The marks were cunning - tiny (Palmolive pixie like) and hidden behind lamp posts and doorways giving the early hint that the hares didnae want the FRBs to have too much fun.
The falsies were manifold Manny and along a promising muddy lane we splashed until Last of the Mohicans called: 'It's a long way (to Tipperary) since a mark!' and reluctantly we turned to retrace our faltering footsteps. The hare had got there after us and fresh arrows had appeared but all's fair in laying and we took it on the chin.
A long and winding road to get back with the pack but eventually stragglers from the short were passed and it got quite congested with longs, shorts and walkers intermixed. Tempting indeedy was the opportunity to duck through the wire and save two or three hundred yards but we all soldiered on. However, a little birdie tweeted that Wet Johnny - still injured and operating on impulse power only - had suddenly appeared in the thick of the longs with Plonker. But never mind, needs be on this occasion WJ.
At three miles the SSS loomed large - being the back of Melon Picker's chariot and McBeefy was already there, still caber accompanied.
Off we wended once more and suddenly a dread cry of: 'ICE, watch out!' cut through the chill air. Yes, nemesis had Shirley arrived in the form of the Bovey Heathland Nature Reserve. And what a god-forsaken frozen patch of land it was.
Came upon Fishbait and the ever enthusiastic Small Fry as well as I-Poo'd who was making a great fist of things some way out on the short. I must also mention Coldtits and McWiggy who strangely kept appearing in front of us at various points of the trail. The difficult frozen puddle section was right up BroadS street [accidental sic] and he, unlike some, was in his element out there. And thank you, Manopause for legging it on the Newton Road run-in when I stopped to tie my laces.
At last the haven of the Old Newton Road and the blessed tarmac all the way back home with a five miler recorded.
A splendid evening's entertainment inside the Dolphin ensued with an impressive presentation of the haggis, piped in by Teapot in full regalia. Manpig in McIntosh tartan kilt and dress jacket escorted the lone piper with McWiggy bearing the haggis platter.
Teapot then played the Flower of Scotland, the rugby anthem with accompanying lyrics courtesy of our RA and a tear was shed by the believers.
Manpig read out the revered Robbie Burns Address to a Haggis which was as good as I've heard it - no jokes here, it was a sound reading.
McWiggy dispensed the wee foil encased portions of haggis with neeps and tatties to complete the Burns appreciation evening.
Back to the script and the DDs proceeded with the Birthday Girls getting their drink and a brace of namings (covered by Winfield below). I had tried in vain to regain my Vampirella Bat Hat from SM Ellie but she had insisted that 'she' was needed for the award. With mounting trepidation, I listened to the awful story unfold about Vampirella's attraction to certain male hashers... I had stern words with her when I got her back home - like myself, she doesn't get out very often...
"CELEBRATING BURNS NIGHT IN TARTAN" by WINFIELD
A great Tartan turnout from the pack. Beefy was even carrying a Caber with him all the way, as we headed off around Bovey on a great trail from the Birthday Hares.To passing cars and pedestrians this must have looked like another invasion,remember 1646? but this time it was the Scottish horde who wound its way into muddy woodland, before finding the excellent Iru-Bru and biscuit stop manned by Mellon Picker.
On-On onto a still frozen Bovey Heath with the pack now well spread out finding the correct route was a test. With torches flashing and calls from all directions it was Plonker who guided me towards the Bovey Straight road, but I needed to get over the fencing to reach it! A handy stump plus a overhanging branch finally allowed me to escape onto firm dry land, just a matter now of avoiding the traffic as the Tartan Army headed back to Bovey.
The Dolphin had kindly allowed space with a few less customers! present, before the Haggis ceremony commenced, piped in by Teapot wearing his full regalia followed by the Haggis bearers for the address.
Down-Down awards from the excellent evenings events were awarded to...
SOAPY & PALMOLIVE for an "Amazing trail" plus birthday Down-Downs.
MANPIG for allowing the bat to inappropriately molest him.
TEAPOT for clearing the bar of customers with his bagpipes.
BEEFY for carrying that Caber around the whole trail!
A naming for Georgie now for ever now McMUFFIN and
Adam now for ever to be known as BIG WHOPPER
Well done the Hares and the Haggis Party for an excellent evening.
POSTSCRIPT
It was an eventful evening and something different by the Birthday hares. The trail was made testing by the frozen puddles in the nature reserve but the road sections balanced it all out in the end - solid [sic] trail hares.
It really was a game of two halves with the Burns appreciation night in the Dolphin and Teapot, Manpig and McWiggy put on a breathtaking display which surprised and delighted all present. Teapot was brilliant and professional and was ably backed up by the splendidly attired McManpig and grateful thanks must go to our talented chef for his wee haggis vision and the hard work in preparing the delicacy. A fun night, thank you everyone.
ON ON to next week Mon 27th Jan 7:15 The Drum Inn Cockington (TQ2 6XA) with Hares Beefy & Pisswell
