Run #1831 Monday 27th January from the Drum Inn, Cockington with Beefy & Pisswell
The Batmobile nosed cautiously up the drive to the Drum
and slotted seamlessly into the one remaining space available. It was
6:30 pm.
Next to arrive at 6:50 pm was Able who had to repair to the Sheriff of Nottingham car park below the Drum. Walking down to greet the advance troops, I noticed the (unlit so how could you see it?) pub sign with the 'welcoming' legend scrolled beneath: Drum Inn - NO PARKING - please park in the (pay 24/7) car park opposite. I bet that's popular with locals in winter.
No illuminated pay board but it was there, skulking
at the rear wall to extract parking fines galore for the unwary. Able's
comment that she didn't trust Torbay council well founded.
But enough, I will desist from my parking lament and take us back to the inclement evening and an upcoming saga of some note..
Hashers congregated on the wide steps of the pub and there
were a few unfamiliar faces. The Gromit (long time no see old buddy) had been lured from his lair
close by and was accompanied by Brewers Droop (AH3); Skinny Dipper - a
rare straggler from Land Ho; Yon Virgins Libby (Pisswell's daughter) and
Charlie; Paddy (Cold East Cross last June) and the Torbay AC warriors
Grinder and Deep Throat.
Teapot called it at thirty seven but a fearless forty one recorded herewith:
GM
Shitfaced, Teapot, Manpig, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Just Coming, Archangel,
Manpig, Well Hopped, Big End, SatNav, 3Sum, Strap-on, Wet Johnny,
Erection, Skinny Dipper, Gromit, Brewers Droop, 69, Beefy, Pisswell,
Charlie, Libby, Able, Doris, BroadS, SM Ellie, Wigwam, Grinder, Deep
Throat, Paddy, Plonker, Artful Dogger, BB, Broken Man, Fallen Woman,
Piltdown, Georgie, Slip on Me, U Bend and Coldtits.
Unbeknown to all, there was
drama aplenty unfolding out on the trail. Beefy had commenced laying
around 4:30 pm but without co-hare Pisswell who was 'running' late.
Circle up time came and went with still no sign of the hares as the Grand Master waited with staff in hand and stoic pose.
At last Beefy was sighted and made the circle
glistening with sweat. The Strava told a remarkable story: In 2 hours
and 46 minutes, Beefy had covered FIFTEEN miles, averaging under 11
minutes a mile while laying in extremely muddy conditions. And here he
was about to sweep the trail - think long and hard about it...
SIX L/S splits were mentioned along with a SS and without further ado, we were pointed downhill and the adventure commenced...
At the loiter the pack formed by ye olde forge awaiting
the scouts and with two crosses sighted, the only game left
was forwards - to the lakes.
It
was crowded at the sharp end with Grinder, Deep Throat, Gromit, Wet
Johnny, Erection, Plonker, Artful Dogger, BroadS, Manpig, Well Hopped
and Big End all on the bunny. With such a wealth of talent, the trail
was discovered with ease.
A
little loop bringing us back from whence we had come about five minutes
before had allowed Beefy to lay link up marks and things were going
swimmingly.
Inevitably
the pack shredded as the FRBs class (and ability to cope with the mud) took them away from the main body
of longs. Artful Dogger, Grinder and Deep Throat had a right set to with
Plonker apparently soloing around most of the trail but at a rate of
knots in the ground.
A
cohort of longs comprising Big End, Well Hopped, BroadS, Manpig,
Erection, Gromit, Skinny Dipper and BB assembled and plodded onwards
until things went awry.
I
don't know how - and let me hasten to add that no-one was to blame - we
just lost the trail. Big End with Ned had now assumed trailfinder role of our
group and after half an hour and two miles (!) we escaped the lake
section and discovered Pisswell at the SS.
We
were a long way adrift of most of the hash by now but determined to
Carry On Hashing (2020). Our group was reduced to four after some
disappeared (Gromit met Wet Johnny and they went a different way) and
Well Hopped peeled off leaving Big End, BroadS, BB and Manpig.
At
every L/S split Big End asked if we were still okay to go long (we must have
looked pretty bad by now) but we were committed (please, no jokes) and
no one was going to knowingly go short.
The
trail was most cunning and had us frequently backtracking. We happened
upon Pisswell, Libby and Paddy and looking back down a valley four or
five other head torches could be seen so we weren't the tail enders.
Manpig slipped [sic] a little way behind but Big End kept his tiny band
together and camaraderie prevailed out there in the mud.
Lights
from the bay appeared on the heights near the Marldon Road and it was familiar
terrain as we dropped back down to Cockington Lane but we were over
half an hour behind the FRbs. Sensing the beer, Manpig came back from
the dead and legged it across the swampy ground to the lane.
After
seventy minutes of unrelenting mud, I must hold up my hands and confess
that it was here that I ran up the white flag with a lamentable cry:
'We've done enough!' and we legged it to the pub a half mile off.
It was only after consulting the Strava returns that
I see that we missed the last two miles on road (Ned would have given
the paws up here) but as stated, we had been out for around ninety
minutes and had to forego the completion. Like others, I would dearly
like to run this trail in summer sans sludge.
Entering
the Drum around 9:15 pm, Teapot was informed of those still out on
trail and the DDs were delayed. With no less than eight awards, beer had
to be bought to accommodate the throng
DOWNDOWNS AWARDED TO:
CHARLIE (Horsey Horse head hat) for his slip and slide manoeuvres in the Cockington mud.
BLUEBIRD (White Bat Hat) whose name was mentioned so probably was responsible .
SM ELLIE (Hashit Pillock Shirt) apologies but I cannot recall the misdemeanour.
BEEFY for possibly the greatest lay in TVH's history.
PISSWELL for assisting and manning the SS.
TWO BIRTHDAY DDs for LIBBY & SLIP ON ME
And finally a 400 RUN BADGE for our RA MANPIG.
(Come back next week Winfield, I'm not too good at remembering the awards!)
POSTSCRIPT
What
an evening it turned out to be. I cannot recall a greater effort to lay
a trail in all the runs I have experienced as a hasher. To lay fifteen
miles in winter and mud in such a short time AND then sweep the seven
mile trail is truly remarkable. A feat that is worthy of recording for
posterity. The Drum was welcoming and parking fees aside was a good
venue, providing a great atmosphere for the DDs. Thanks Big End for
leading us out of the morass and finally, one word to sum up the hare's
effort - MAGNIFICENT.
ON ON to next week and our Australian Evening at The Park Inn Kingskerswell,(TQ12 5BQ) with Hares: T.Humper & I'Pood
Wear something Australian - a special evening to raise funds for caring for animals affected by the bush fires.
