Run #1842 Monday 31st August from Little Haldon, OD Devon Arms, Teignmouth
At long last, after miraculously surviving yet another world 'war', das
Panzerkampfwagen trundled into the shell hole masquerading as a car park
at Little Haldon. Oh Yes, Oh Dearly Distressed, reports of Bobby's
demise had Shirley been exaggerated. Struggling out of the unMOTable,
black smoke belching machine of woe, the Rottenführer stood
tall without his de rigueur Heroes of Telemark ski poles.*
If you couldn't spot the turn-off
into the shell hole, you Shirley couldn't miss the imposing figure of
Piltdown Man at the entrance, waving the Panzers in.
The final roll-call:
Piltdown, Georgie P, Manpig, Beefy, Strap-on,
Wetfart, SM Ellie, Bobby, Polyfella, Melon Picker, Soapy, Ollie (welcome
back the aforementioned five), Artful Dogger, Plonker, Pisswell,
BroadS, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Screwed, BB. Slip on Me - 21 in all.
I was too far away to hear the
hares' trail briefing so missed the finer points of the exercise but
had an uneasy feeling of what lay in store out there in the wilds of
Little Haldon.
Blessed release and the shorts were Shirley shuffled
out of the back of the shell hole while the longs surged majestically
out onto the tarmac and hard right up the dividing lane between the golf
course and the former Teignmouth aerodrome.
The majesty was short-lived however, as a rather
pernicious check halted the cavalry in their tracks. The FRBs were
dispatched and at long last the ON ON was called - into the scrub heath
of the 1940's airfield. Oh the pain of the off-road, Oh Dearly I Did Not
Like It Up Me and the tarmac loving Bird was reduced to a mere shuffle
as the Young Guns, Manpig, Beefy and Polyfella swept by.
But never mind, it was called hashing and it was a
last, lingering, lovely evening of a tormented summer on planet Earth,
Oh Dearly Waxing Lyrical.
The mini tour of the airfield completed, we were
back to where we had nearly started at the B3192 and there was Piltdown
to shepherd his flock across the murderous Highway to Heaven.
As we passed, Piltdown gave the secret code: 'At the
solar panel farm, make sure..' and the rest of the message was
swallowed by the wind.
Off into the woods we plunged and a quick chat with Polyfella as nettles and twisting paths were negotiated at pace.
Into the clear and the solar panel farm
loom-ed large in the gunsight It was fortunate indeed that Artful
Dogger was there already to reveal the vital missing part of the
message. 'Keep to the outside of the field.' Well done that man! And
there it was - a well concealed gap in the hedge and the trail true.
Meanwhile, several minutes earlier, Plonker had
careered into the clearing and sped past the solar panels. He was still
smoothly accelerating towards Dawlish Water before he realized that
there may be a problem Houston.. sigh.
Hurdling logs and swerving round shorts - Hi Bobby,
Georgy, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Spud, Wetfart, Ollie - we lurched towards the
advertised attraction of the VP and Beefy photo-op. The Heroes of
Telemark were being arranged just as a renegade mix 'n' match S/L peered
round the corner. Oh generously indeed did Beefy welcome the
interloper** into his framed creation.
The finished Hockney style artwork reveal-ed five
semi-silhouetted figures set against a dramatic cloud formation with the
setting sun astride the horizon. The dying orange shafts pierced and
accentuated the figures - Oh bravo, Beefy, a masterpiece Shirley!
But I digress and back to the action. Out onto a
back lane we emerged with a make your minds up check. Down, way way down
or up, that was the question. Beefy and the Bird hovered [sic] while
Artful Dogger, abetted by Manpig 'It could be down and right,' decided
to risk it and go as biscuits. Polyfella drifted up and calls came back
from both directions: ON ONE - ON TWO... Melon Picker appeared and
enquired what the odds were. 'Four to seven up' came the bookmaking
Bird's reply and satisfied with that, Melon went up.
It all went horribly quiet down the hill and then Polyfella called ON ON and we left the hapless duo to their sad fate...sigh.
Spiralling down into the woods, I was glad I had
brought the head torch as a tumble was on the cards in the fading light
under the trees.
And there was Piltdown plus chariot again, directing
us over a gate and more scrub heath. The longs had now broken down and
it was Beefy, Polyfella and the not cruising Bird who teamed up for the
final frontier run for home.
Fortunately (again for me) Beefy was there to call
the ON HOME as another arrow would have taken me right onto the outgoing
short trail...whatamistakatomaka that would Shirley have been.
The shell hole was welcoming and it was a fulsome
four miler plus as we consulted our tech and awaited the returnees.
Strap-On (Gold Star performance) and BroadS (I know how you felt old
son) preceded the unfortunate Manpig / Artful team-up and Wetfart (I
know where I am ok!) boldly declared that he'd completed the short of
about four miles (!) as did Screwed and a host of golden daffodils.
Nine declared their undying devotion and completion
of the undulating, scenic long: Beefy, Plonker (last home but then it's a
long way back from Dawlish Water), Artful, Polyfella (quite pleased to
be able to keep up with him and Beefy even though they covered more
ground), Pisswell, SM Ellie, BroadS and Manpig.
A few lingered in the twilight lit shell hole as the convoy trickled down the hill to the Devon Arms.
The snug cum snooker table room was ours to command
and the fine Teignworthy ales, Gun Dog 4.3 abv and Deck Hand 4.5 abv
ensured satisfaction guaranteed. Many a beer-induced tale was spun and
Wetfart proved to me that he was no fool (and walked across my swimming
pool***) in recalling television shows from the stone age.
POSTSCRIPT
A well-judged mix and match long/short trail over varied terrain which was taken advantage of by Melon Picker and Ollie.
The OD pub was fine for our needs and we would have
supped in the garden but for the advancing autumnal chill. Thank you,
Georgie and Piltdown, top marks for your efforts.
*That was a
helluva intro Bobby, but you failed to make the pubberido -
Disappointed!
**Melon Picker - who actually did rather well out there - though it pains me to say it.
***Jesus Christ Superstar you fools.
ON ON to next week and the Wild Goose at Combeinteignhead with T Humper.
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