Run #1846 Monday 28th September from Stover Country Park with hare Wigwam
An ominous rumbling materialized and hashers turned in horror to see the sinister, diesel spewing outline of the trundling Panzerkampfwagen mit der Rottenführer Bobby Woll at the wheel. A spontaneous (sotto voce of course to comply mit das covid-19 regulation) rendition of Bobby Woll, Bobby Woll, broke out as the much decorated tank commander approach-ed.
After making two tours of the congested car park area and inflicting major damage on three scout cars, a scowling Bobby made a strategic retreat to the main car park...
But enough of this idle chit-chat, back to the safari trail..
The Country Park Safari proved to be a popular (guaranteed) holiday destination:
GM Shitfaced, Piltdown, Georgy, Teapot (hooray!), SatNav, 3Sum, Beefy, BroadS, Fukarwi (hooray again!), SM Ellie, Soapy, Melon Picker, Popeye, sporting a smart new coiffure, Wigwam, Bobby Woll, Gaga4It, Triple Jump, Able, Forrest, Wood Lend, Wet Johnny, Erection, Ravi, Manpig, BB, Big End, Well Hopped, Dad, Coldtits, Archangel (eventually!), I-Poo'd, T Humper, Jane, Screwed (no Bella, confined to barracks with injury poor girl) AND not forgetting Strap-On - I did!
Time for a catch-up with Safari Ranger Wiggy before the hash arrived and arrive they did in some force, quickly filling the tiny car park to capacity. A light drizzle fell and it was tricky getting the attendees as some stayed in their cars. Thanks Beefy for the vid clip.
There was to be no mass circle as the Grand Master and hare began dispatching hashers onto the trail as they became available.
They said he wouldn't come back, they said he shouldn't come back, but there he was at long last, the venerable Teapot, taking no chances and wearing a head encompassing goldfish bowl. We bid you welcome back indeed!
Then a cry rang out from the mauled Bobby Woll survivors: 'Shirley that's Fukarwi over there!' And yes, there was no mistaking the outline of the celebrity, feared lost to mankind and hashing.
But no time to chat, you dirty rats, and the hash hero was sent rat-packing towards the lake. Last to arrive were Soapy, Mawgan and Melon Picker and the game was Shirley at least a foot long... No? Well...
A few walking crew were still getting themselves organized for the country park safari and only two warrior longs tarried - Beefy, waiting for a possible arrival of a virgin hasher and a fidgeting Bird.
They could linger no longer and at last, the full hash caravan, covid-19 spread out all over the park, was underway, Wiggy.
I have to report that the Wiggster had removed himself from the locale to get back for the Liverpool - Arsenal footie game but he would ultimately be the unsung (but beer glass toasted) hero of the evening.
THE SAFARI
After smashing his knee on an unforgiving granite rock the day before, Beefy was taking it fairly easy but the terrain was hashing heaven to his companion - flat, fast and plenty of tarmac - AHHHHHHH purred the Bird*.
Barely half a mile in and there was Fukarwi, walking (!) and having a chat with Piltdown, Georgy and Teapot. We thought you might be unfit, but really Fukarwi - but more on him later.
The blast on Teapot's horn was the first sounded since early March and I went all Play Misty for Me (1971).
Through the scattered ranks we sliced, calling when passage was needed. Virtually on rails did we So Cruise as checks had been responsibly kicked out and gradually we moved through the hashing carnival caravan. Screwed looked lonely without Bella and SatNav and 3Sum were having their usual natter.
Towards the sharp end, a drama was about to unfold. A doughty advance party arrived on the shores of a mighty expanse of water, stretching as far as the head torch illuminated eye could see. 'Shirley we cannot proceed', did they mutter in awe.
Back they fled in confusion (you know who you were Shirley Popeye and Erection to name but two) and scattered into surrounding hedgerows seeking refuge from the great flood.
Arriving soon after, the rearguard, men of steel, (well man really, as the Bird is quite timid as you know) rallied the wide-eyed mini-throng. 'What's occurring out there t' t' teddy bears?' 'A mighty lake, so deep and wide - Shirley it can't be crossed!' But reinforced and regaining their courage, the party came once again to the shores of the terrifying Teign.
Carrying the tattered standard, a lone warrior advanc-ed into the swirling depths - all six inches that is... sigh
Fifty feet of paddling and dry land was reached and once more unto the hash, dear friends, once more... I don't know Sooty, what do you think Sweep?
Sa fari so good and the level crossing, de rigueur for many a hash hereabouts, appeared on cue to the left. A baying hound from the adjacent house alarmed but railwayman Beefy knew the occupants and we would Shirley pass unharmed.
It was plain sailing, or so we thought, as another kicked out check was espied. However, it had been kicked out in two directions. Advancing in the direction of the the most heavily 'kicked', we were met by an oncoming light - Forrest and his faithful Muttley - oh well, it was worth a try, Forrest..
The novelty cum fun section revealed itself as the trail veered sharply off trail into the trees. A vertical six foot drop wasn't as much fun as the Bird had hoped and Beefy stood by to pick up the pieces. It was great fun wandering in the tepee - or Wigwam - strewn sector though, which gave sufficient time for the gang to catch up.
Rejoining the path, two shadowy figures - Wet Johnny and Wood Lend - dashed across the safariteers** from off trail and it was only at the stewards enquiry that the story emerged. Going off first, Wet Johnny had linked up with Big End (sans Ned who was with Dad), Well Hopped and Wood Lend and for some reason unknown, they had decided on doing a lap of the lake before taking on the trail proper.
Most unexpectedly, the On Home appeared at about four point five miles and Plan B was executed by a select band of said safariteers***..
So let it be written, so let it be done Shirley. Manpig, Beefy, Fukarwi (yes, he had rejoined after his catch-up) BroadS and the Bird set off Once More Unto the Breach, Oh Dear Friends Everywhere.
Around the lake and Soapy, Mawgan and Melon P were sighted, Wandering Lonely as a Cloud but evidently enjoying the excursion.
The lights from the car park flickered through the trees and Shirley that was the end, but in a curious twist of fate, it nearly turned into the End is Nigh.... sigh [sic]
Gaga4It and Triple Jump strangely (we thought) called out as we passed: 'Where are you going?' We thought no more of it until... we lurched out onto the main Bovey Road! A hundred and fifty yard dash for survival ensued as the Famous Five legged it down the road towards the safety of the country park.
The sound of vehicles close behind forced the Bird to take an impromptu short cut through the hedge into the car park which nearly ended in disaster. But hey, we were only home!
A beer or two was required for some and, for one reason or another, the Star at Liverton resembled a ghost town, being eerily empty. Bobby and the Bird plumped for the Sharps Atlantic pale ale 4.5 abv as we feared the Sea Fury might be a bit rough - No? Well...
At a range of a hundred feet, semaphore signals were employ-ed to communicate with Popeye et cetera..
POSTSCRIPT
My, we Shirley had fun out there on safari with Fukarwi and the rest of the hash. The trail had something to cater for all tastes and many were the words of praise I heard during and after the event. Thanks Wiggy, you did us proud - as always.
*Can a Bird purr Shirley?
**I hereby claim coining the word.
***I like it, I like it Captain Mainwaring.
ON ON hopefully, to next Monday 5th October from Ipplepen Football Club, Moor Road Playing Fields, Moor Road, Newton Abbot TQ12 5TT with Wet Johnny and co. Detailed instructions to follow.
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