A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

Run #1879 Monday 30th August from the Wild Goose with Grand Master Shitfaced and friends

 

THE ART OF DELEGATION by Manpig

The word 'friend', in my humble opinion, is one of the most abused words in the English language. Rather like elastic, it's definition can be extended to mean almost whatever you want. Usually, if you see an acquaintance speaking with someone you do not recognise and you ask, "Who was that you were just speaking to?" "Oh! Just a friend", is the most frequent answer. However, probing deeper you find that the word friend has many meanings:
debt collector
drug dealer
embarrassing relative
ex-partner
new partner
bit on the side
work college
someone from your past
or, yes, simply a friend from a sphere of your life that the enquirer is not privy to.
So it was with this week's trail. The Hare was advertised as being "Shitfaced and Friends". What sort of friends? Drinkers or runners? Possibly both. Ex-lovers perhaps? Anything is possible with the alter ego that is Bluebell. The friends turned out to be Bluebird and Man-Pig. Not necessarily the worst choice in the world as they should be familiar with the opportunities for trails afforded by the locality.
Shitfaced's new friends were recruited in the time-honoured fashion in which all Hares are press-ganged......errrrr.....I meant encouraged...... to volunteer. Namely wait for an opportune moment. Preferably when they've had a beer or two. And this proved to be the case. Man-Pig and Bluebird were recruited at the Lord Nelson after the previous week's hash....perfect timing.
At 1pm on the Bank Holiday Monday iPoo'd, Shitfaced, Man-Pig and Bluebird met in the car park of the Wild Goose. Man-Pig had sketched out a potential trail and had also created a map of Bluebird's run from the same venue about a year ago. On paper today's trail looked a little further, but not by much. Shitfaced and iPoo'd volunteered to do the Walkers' trail, Bluebird the Shorts and Man-Pig drawing the Short, or should that be the Long, straw? We reckoned on being back in the car park in an hour and a half.
Many hands make light work and Shitfaced, iPoo'd and Man-Pig arrived back at the Wild Goose almost bang on the hour and a half mark. But where was the Bird? A phone call and text message failed to make contact with the elusive Bird. Had he pulled into Coombe Cellars for a swifty or had he collapsed on trail? If the latter, he would easily be located. All we had to do was follow the dots.
7pm and the Bird proved to be alive and well as we reunited in the Wild Goose car park. Trails all laid. No problems?
Bank Holidays can be a hit and miss affair for all Hashes. How many people would turn up? Would everyone be away on holiday which would dictate low numbers? Or, would Hashers bring visiting family and friends from far and wide, thus swelling numbers? Only time would tell. As it transpired about 30 arrived.
The small car park filled rapidly with the usual dancing on ice choreography of vehicles swirling around each other. Quite cathartic to watch them actually. The exception being Piltdown Man. For some unknown reason he decided that he was going to park in a hedge. Maybe his car had an itch that needed scratching? Just like Balloo in the Jungle Book, Piltdown took to rubbing the side of his car up and down the hedge. This took away the itch and also a coating of paint.
Circle called to order. One virgin, Christina, brought by Natalie, duly anointed by Teapot with the Hare's flour (1.5kg bag £0.70 Co-Op, £0.45 Lidl). Shitfaced, as official hare, confirmed that there was a Walkers', Shorts' and Longs' trail. Walkers' about 2.5 miles.
Over to Bluebird and Man-Pig for the Shorts and the Longs. Bluebird announced an inaccurate 4.3 miles for the Shorts. It proved to be 5 miles. Man-Pig was even more useless, "I wasn't wearing my GPS". The Longs was anyone's guess but Looooooooong was probably a fair bet. With anticyclonic weather (cloud cover for you and me), and some tracks having a dense canopy of foliage, Man-Pig recommended the use of torches for those that had them - especially on the Longs. But who was going to do the Longs? The usual FRB's of Wet-Johnny, Wood-Lend and Forest-Stump were absent. However, newly named Red Raw would Shirley rise to the challenge? Ergo Archangel; slow and steady but almost always a total commitment to the Longs. And, "What about Beefy?" - still absent. We implore you to return....soon.
The Pig's despair at the absence of the usual FRB's was somewhat ameliorated, or should that be compounded, by the appearance of Deep Throat and Grinder. Now, there are fast FRB's and there are bloody fast FRB's. Deep Throat and Grinder definitely fit into the latter class. At the other end of the scale, Rambo was kind enough to defer to the Hare's request that he restrict himself to the Walkers' Trail for the evening; it was going to be pretty dark by 8.30, particularly with the cloud cover.
Off, down through Coombe-in-Teignhead, past the Wild Goose. Bear right and then left to Coombe Cellars. For the first of several times during the evening we were overtaken by the flying duo of Deep Throat and Grinder. They had checked the wrong way, and this set the scene for a recurring feature of their evening's adventure. Past Coombe Cellars and a left onto the public footpath that diagonally traverses two recently harvested fields of maize. A Long/Short split had cunningly been laid on the far side of the 5 bar gate. The net result of which was that Tear Arse and some of the FRB's missed it and continued on along the banks of the Teign.
At the first crossroads on Cross Park the Long/Shorts and the Walkers' trails merged. Albeit with Teapot seemingly doing it in reverse. No sign of Shitfaced whom, it was assumed, was chaperoning the Walkers. Although I did have my doubts, noting that Shitfaced was wearing flip-flops in the car park and muttering about leaving his car there overnight.
A right turn and down a narrow lane towards Tuckett's Farm. The next mark should have taken us left and across someones' driveway and along the fenced public footpath exiting at Netherton. However, it looked to have been erased so Man-Pig relaid it. You guessed it, Grinder and Deep Throat had overrun it.
At Netherton there was a deviation from the planned route. The Bird should have worn his glasses. Man-Pig and Arkangel took a short cut with Man-Pig stating, "I'd better wait here. I'll catch you up". Back-Runners and the Shorts duly filed past: Pisswell and virgin, Teararse, Soapy, Coldtits and, bringing up the rear, Melon-Picker....or was it the rear? Yet again our misguided duo of Grinder and Deep Throat had gone wong-wei and were motoring at a luny pace to make up lost ground.
We commenced our long climb up Ridge Road; no longer adopted by the council it was badly rutted with disintegrating tarmac after years of neglect. In places the ferns met in the middle but it was worth the climb. For, if you stopped and turned around, you were blessed with the most stunning views over the Teign Estuary. Melon Picker and I were in agreement...beautiful. It was about 8.15, the light was fading and the wind was picking up when we reached the main Long/Short split at the top of Ridge Road. All of the back-markers had sensibly committed to doing the Short. But I was a little worried. There were a couple of runners who I had not seen on the trail who usually commit to the Long.....Pollyfella and Smellie. Were they behind me or in front of me. Also, where on earth was the Bird?
Up to this point the pace had been deliberately slow as I really needed to be at the back to do the sweeping. But was I really at the back? I presumed that I was, indeed, the back marker. I bade farewell to the Shorts and decided to get a push-on for the rest of the trail. There was absolutely no chance of catching Deep Throat and Grinder but I needed to kick out the checks just in case they'd got off trail or if anyone was still behind me.
Continuing along Ridge Road, a kicked-out check revealed that there were hashers in front of me who were on trail. Left down a track towards Lower Roccombe Farm. After 200 yards another check - correctly kicked out on the reciprocal track that re-emerged onto Ridge Road and another check. This time not kicked out! Hmmmm! I marked it left and ran the final check on Ridge Road - not kicked out but torchlight ahead of me. It was Grinder and Deep Throat who had overrun the check.
Back on trail we descended the dodgy eroded ravine down to Middle Roccombe. Another check but the dynamic duo were already on trail and heading north through Lower Roccombe. Unwittingly, they had passed another two checks. In fairness, these check were on the left hand side of the road whereas all of the dots were on the right. I marked them out in the correct direction and, amazingly, caught up with Grinder and Deep Throat checking out the final check. From here it was all road, past Higher and Lower Charlecombe and a slight downhill descent back to the pub. As promised, I did catch up with Arkangel - about 25 yards short of the car park!
A little anxiety was present as I entered the pub. Would everyone be back or would I be jumping in the car looking for those who were still AWOL? Relief, one of the first people I saw in the pub was Rambo. Smellie was sat at the bar but no sign of Pollyfella. However, Shitfaced confirmed that everyone was accounted for.....phew! An ambitious 8 miles for the Dynamic Duo and a well earned beer!
CIRCLE UP ROLL CALL
Buckle My Shoe thirty two hashers true on this Bank Holiday Monday: GM Shitfaced, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Lady Jane,Teapot, Piltdown, Georgie, Archangel, Coldtits, Rambo, Pisswell, Natalie and virgin Christina, Mouldy, Wicky, Little Tuckaway, Crackerjack, Grinder, Deep Throat, Pollyfella, Wetfart, Manpig, BB, Red Raw, SM Ellie, Fallen Woman, Soapy, Melon Picker, Teararse, Slip on Me, Zoot, Hotlips and late arrival Screwed/Bella.
BIRDSTORIAL
Eagle-eyed was the Bird decidedly not and frantically did he scour his chariot's boot for a magnifying glass, not wishing to own up that he could barely see the map laid out on the bonnet of Manpig's cruising battlewagon - let alone any detail.. And thus the stage was set for the four strong crew of hares to Shirley sally fourth [sic you fools] to lay the trail, the seeds of destruction having been sown.
ON THE LAY
The Dolorous Stroke was executed by the blind as a bat Bird emerging onto the highway at Netherton. A cursory peer at der Gruppenfuhrer's map, and instead of turning left for the off-road loop up to Ridge Road (bypassing Cross Hill road), the bird-brain gaily skipped right and left up to Haccombe and St Blaise church adding an extra mile to the short and long.. sigh
COMETH THE DAY SNIPPETS
Manpig sweeping the long whilst the Bird fluttered back and forth along the byways and highways.
Thinking it had gone Bluetit's up by Netherton House when Red Raw appeared completely alone.
Deep Throat eventually appearing after making a tour of Netherton House's river frontage.
Melon Picker actually running: 'I'm turning back the clock!'
Grinder hoving into view after taking a sightseeing detour.
Make your mind up time at the second L/S split and dispensing (unusually sound) advice to SM Ellie and Fallen Woman.
Having a chat with Teapot who had cunningly short-cutted to said L/S split.
Oblivious to the sabotage to marks on the long - thank goodness MP was sweeping!
Attacking the Ridge Road ascent - the only running I did all night.
Waiting at the final L/S split to advise SM Ellie that the long could be another three miles plus.
Escorting Fallen Woman down an alternative route to the OH.
Red Raw suddenly appearing again on an eventful trail.
Feeling guilty about not going back for Coldtits and Screwed but unsure whether they were already back.
DOWNDOWNS
Zoot awarded Melon Picker for the 'dingle dangle' on trail.
Red Raw, giving her first award, singled Piltdown out for a drink for parking in the hedge.
Bluebird to co-hare Manpig, for making the mistaka of having any degree of faith in the myopic Bird.
Finally, in time honoured tradition, there was a drink for the author of the exercise, our Grand Master who had so sneakily/cunningly, nay cleverly, enlisted his friends.
SHIRLEY OF THE TRAIL
Must go jointly to COLDTITS and SCREWED/BELLA. I had laid the trail on the final part of the short down the 'Descent into Hell' lane (did you see the burnt out trees where the torched car had been?) and later realised that it would be tricky to navigate in the gloom. Not a word of complaint from anyone, gritty and true hashers both. I slipped up laying it in perfect light!
In any other circumstances, Deep Throat and Grinder would have been Shirley of the Trail decorated, what with their marathon effort in completing the 'extended' trail of 8.13 miles. I can only say that I'm glad I didn't do it!
POSTSCRIPT
A thoroughly enjoyable trail-lay, trail run and on down. Thanks go to Ian and Chris of the Goose for opening up just for us. Well done to that gentleman Polyfella (currently injured) for keeping Rambo company.
Hero of the night must Shirley be Manpig for carrying out his duties faultlessly and shadowing the tiny band around the long - as well as laying it earlier - a round of applause please!
ON ON to next week and the Bridford Inn, Bridford, Exeter EX6 7HT, with Forrest.

MISMANAGEMENT

Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
Vice G M Winfield
On Sec Piltdown Man mobile 07773038756
R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
Hash Tax Satnav
Trail Raiser Doris
Haberdashery Zoot
Song Master Pork Torpedo
Social Sec T. Humper
Spider /Web Bluebird
Life President Pottsie

HASH SUBS 2021

Slight change to the annual membership cost. It will now be £12:50 to anyone who wishes to pay for this years membership (ends january 2022) Payments by June. Alternative you can pay £1 per week when attending. Samantha Zimbler On line payments Account name: TEIGN VALLEY HASH House Harriers Sort Code: 55-70-01 Account number: 69068186 Reference: your hash name

TVH3 HABERDASHERY LINK

JESSE'S DD FROM THE TALLY HO!

EXPLANATION OF ARCHIVE TVH3 SITES

GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.

Fukarwi

Fukarwi

REARENDER

REARENDER

TEAPOT

TEAPOT

SOAPY

SOAPY

MOULDY DICK

MOULDY DICK

MELONPICKER

MELONPICKER

FALLEN WOMAN

FALLEN WOMAN

DORIS

DORIS

BROKEN MAN

BROKEN MAN

ARCHANGEL

ARCHANGEL

ABLE SEMEN

ABLE SEMEN

Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

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