Run #1909 Monday 21st March from Teign Bridge CP, OD the Kings Arms.
REPLACEMENT HARES: Shitfaced & Arkangel
Who wuz there:
Shitfaced, Arkangel, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Cheeri-Beerio, Piltdown Man,
Georgy-Porgy, Smellie, Broadshit, Only Here for the Beer, Melonpicker,
Soapy, Teapot, Wetfart, Beefy, Pisswell, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Rambo,
Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Piddler, Coldtits, Slip On Me, The Virgin
Mary (returnee from 2008!), Strap-On, Mrs Strap-On, Big End, Well
Hopped, Ned, Able Semen. A howling Bluebird impersonator (we never did
find out who this was - a civilian as mad as Bluebird?)
THE CIRCLE
In
the absence of our original covid stricken hares, Shitfaced stepped in
to lay the trail. Once again most of it was delegated. This time to
Arkangel. This was mainly on account of the fact that Shitfaced was
still recovering from a week's worth of 40th birthday celebrations -
including an excellent party at Forde Hall. Thankyou Shitfaced. I guess
that we'll now have to wait till your 50th for another week long party?
Arkangel
was brief on the description of the trail. "Two long short splits".
Piddler, as ever, wanted to know the full route of the trail; distance,
topography, air temperature, sea temperature - the whole caboodle. But
Arkangel was giving nothing away.
Just
before the "off", Man-Pig delivered a rather sad announcement. Long
term harriet of several Devon hashes, Number Two (Val Dean), had died on
8th March at Derriford Hospital. And, on that sombre note, the trail
commenced.
THE TRAIL
DERANGED (1974)
The
trail took us straight across the road from the car park and northwest
along the western bank of the Teign. To our left we could hear shouts
and bellowing of the deranged Bluebird over by the Stover canal.....or
so we thought. That was until we eventually caught up with Bluebird at a
check. So who was the deranged hasher? Shirley it must have been a
hasher as he had a head torch. We never found out who the mystery
impersonator was. We eventually concluded that it was almost certainly a
non hasher.
After
a mile, we came to the Walkers' split. The Walkers peeled off left
towards Locks Bridge whilst the Longs and the Shorts followed the Teign
along its banks to Ventiford Bridge. This was beginning to look like
an anticlockwise re-run of Screwed and Bella's run from last year.
However, the check at Ventiford Bridge had us all heading back towards
Teigngrace. In Teigngrace an arrow took us over the railway line and
the Stover canal before rejoining the Shorts. The return leg took us
along the new cycle track which is built on the route of the disused
railway line. It wasn't long before we were back on the old Exeter Road
and the "OH" sign....but there was a catch. This was also the second
Long/Short split.
The
Shorts went left for 100 yards before arriving back at their cars. The
Longs, meanwhile, embarked on a trek down to Jetty Marsh in Newton
Abbot. This one and a half mile loop had us going down the western edge
of the Stover canal and back up the eastern bank of the canal. And,
for good measure, Arkangel put in an arrow leading down some steps at
its furthest point. I was a little perplexed as I don't recall ever
having gone down these steps before. Nevertheless, the arrows don't lie
(usually). This turned out to be the shiggiest part of the trail and
it was a Ha! Ha! Back up the steps to find the real trail. Sure enough,
we'd missed an enormous arrow. This guided us onto the east bank for a
fast trot back upto Exeter Road and the car park.
Well,
that was the end of the official trail. However, for some reason,
Pisswell had elected to run back to the pub. I was the second last to
leave the car park. Only Pisswell's yellow AA van remained. Hence,
imagine my surprise to find her standing outside the pub as I drove
past? How perplexing. A down-down for next week methinks.
Well done last week's birthday boys, Arkangel and Shitfaced, for standing in and setting a worthy trail.
THE DOWN-DOWNS
Beefy
awarded the Baby Bat hat to Georgy Porgy for startling him in the car.
Georgy pulled a face and stated that 'I don't like beer!' WHAT?
She then refused to drink out of a urine specimen container, choosing
the normal glass. An apology was (after prompting) tendered to the
completely innocent Bird who had also been mentioned for 'screeching' on
trail.
IN THE FRAME SHIRLEY
On
leaving the Teign Bridge CP en routey for the dash back to the bar,
Pisswell was entering the CP and the Bird brain decided to give her a
wide berth Bertha but managed to mount the kerbing instead. Two loud
bangs ensued as the silver chariot crashed over... sigh. Shirley the
Bird was in the frame!
But
neigh, ever so neigh, Neddy, hold your horses. Pisswell enquired as to
the whereabouts of the Virgin Mary [First Bible refs: Matthew (1:16;
18-25) and Luke (1:26-38)] but our harriet the Virgin Mary was not in
the pub. 'Okay, where's Manopause then?' Oh lackaday, the Penners also
were missing. Oh-oh, Pisswell would now have to resort to the third
choice... Enter stage left One Idiot..
DEATH ON THE DOWN-DOWN (2022)
Did
you know that you could drown in a half inch of beer? Nearly a first
fatality on the DD as the Bird thrashed wildly in his beer bird bath..
not a pretty sight..
The
lead up to the Jester's Hat destination left little doubt that Piddler
was favourite. A catalogue of transgessions followed, including
forgetting what the Grand Master was called... step forward Piddler
please.
NEXT WEEK
A gap in the diary filled once more by Rentahare© Inc.
We will be at the Divers Arms,
86 Babbacombe Downs Rd, Torquay TQ1 3LU Confus-ed? Formerly Route 16
which also may not ring any bells, but before that it was the Coach and
Horses where we have hashed from a few times in the past.
As usual, it's goodbye from Man-Pig and goodbye from me until next week's episode.
ON-ON!
POST SCRIPT:
On hearing the news of Number Two's passing, Poacher has expressed a
wish to lay a trail from Denbury in Number Two's memory. Watch this
space for details.
