TVH3 The Words for 3rd October 2022

Slade Cross, Lustleigh

 

Run No. 1937

 

HARES: Pisswell & Forrest-Stump

 

Who wuz there: Pisswell, Forrest-Stump, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Arkangel, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Soapy, Palmolive, Ernie, Coldtits, Beefy, Tamsin, Teapot , Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Roger the Dodger & son, Bobbiball

 

The Circle

Slade Cross is certainly a virgin starting point for Teign Valley Hash. This presented some interesting parking solutions around the junction. This included Man-Pig parking on a small mountain and thus denying Bobbiball the opportunity to alight the vehicle.

 

Forrest's knowledge of the highway code was found wanting as he directed several hashers to park in a bus stop. Teapot, meanwhile, had arrived early and was intent on testing the integrity of the local farmer's burglar alarm system. Yes, Teapot. It works! Grovelling apologies to the farmer.

 

The Circle commenced with the usual announcements. In the absence of a lift from Georgy Porgy/Piltdown Man, Smellie contacted Shitfaced by means of wireless communications courtesy of Enrico Marconi. We need a Hare for 24th October......volunteers, please.

 

Shitfaced then added that only eight slots are available between now and the end of the year. Step up and claim your slot to lay a trail. Man-Pig requested a scribe and Pisswell kindly offered.

Finally, Soapy reminded everyone of Rambo's memorial service/ life celebration on Sunday. If anyone would like to join a throng of hashers for a curry afterwards, in Newton Abbot, please see Soapy in The Dolphin after the run.

 

The Trail by Pisswell

Please sing along to Teddy bears picnic tune! It changes as guided, probably better guided than the hash!

 

If you go down to Shaptor woods you're sure of a big surprise

If you go down to park at Slade cross you’ll see all the other guys

Though Beefy ran, most hashers there was

Invited there for certain because

Today's the day Teign Valley runs over Forest!

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

He volunteered to co hare and park. A Parking attendant he’d be!

Responsibility went to his head and he took no notice of me!

He gave himself the disabled spot

Drove Manpig out of the parking lot

And up the bank so Bobby ball can’t get out now!

( picnic time for teddy bears tune)

 

Circle time for both co-hares

They didn’t tell us much

So It's a guessing game today

marks might catch you unawares

They’ll be on both sides and

checks are in a random way!

Teapot had had a nose about

Shitfaced is back with gout

And Smellie needs some hares

There are no rules in hashing

So let’s just follow the trail, and

don’t “do” in the woods like the bears!

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

If you’re a long in the woods today, you'd better start up Slade hill

If you’re a walker or a short,

on to the old hospital

You reach Hawkmoor and try out some checks

You find a split and the longs go left

The top of the hill, they find the first of the “ha has”!

( picnic time for teddy bears tune)

 

Descending back down to the path

They join the shorts and walkers

Up until they split again

Both got to do a super hill

How lucky is Well Hopped?

the brambles not,

the only things to kill!

Longs do another wild goose chase

They have another case of “ ha ha” to turn back

At the stile,

they meet again

To enter the Woodland trust

For their journey up to Shap tor.

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

If you follow the marks, you’ll find a post.

lost a Teapot along the way

Round the fallen tree

Up hill it will be

Find the place to be for the day

For the sweetie stop was up at Shap tor

With a string of lights

To make it look more

Of a lovely sight to welcome all our hashers.

( picnic time for teddy bears tune)

 

Decision time for hashers now

Either left for the long, commitment to 5 plus miles today

Walkers there’ll be 2 to home

Whilst shorts turn left, at the old signpost, to Pixie Copse.

What I failed to say to some, was that the third “ha ha”means to return same way

So Rodger the dodger and Well hopped’s brother were lost out in the woods

They were tired and alone and afraid!

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

Meanwhile chief hare was sat on a log

Encouraging light to work

When it came on, I was startled to see, a hornet circling me!

It wouldn’t shake off, tried all the tips

Until it stung the top of my lip

I ran for home, bollocks to rest

Will they make it?

( if you go down to the woods today tune again)

 

They found the longs and followed them wrong

The cottages they did see

I was told me off for placing a cross

For Tamsin beneath a tree

To Shaptor farm and Furzeleigh cross

But now like the two they also were lost

They were guided home by Well Hopped on phone

 

Piss ‘N Forrest!

 

The Trail by Man-Pig

The trail took us up Slade Lane towards the reservoirs. After a couple of hundred yards, the Walkers and the Shorts peeled off right and along a public footpath. The Walkers would be on an in/out trail to the sweetie stop - around two miles. The Longs continued on; up and up and up Slade Hill before being directed right, along a footpath and into Shaptor Down.

 

The Longs comprised Beefy, Big End, Man-Pig, Tamsin and Ernie. What goes up must come down and it wasn't long before we were on a steep wide path, past Gladstone Rock, to rejoin the Shorts and the Walkers. Then a 200 yard uphill slog only to be confronted with the first of the evening's three Ha-Ha's.

Back on the Shorts' trail again and another Long/Short split only to arrive at another Ha-Ha. Return downhill to the last Long/Short split. This took us up an overgrown and very steep but, thankfully, short climb.

 

At the top of this climb, we encountered Forrest and Perry who directed us left and to the illumined sweetie stop at Shaptor Rock. We knew that we were on the right trail because all of the Walkers and the Shorts were now on the reverse trail back towards Slade Cross.

 

This proved somewhat confusing for poor old Ned. He had made the outward trail with his mistress but now wanted to continue on the rest of the trail with his master. In true hash hound fashion, he elected to stay with his mistress. That would be much shorter.

 

Shaptor Rock was both pretty and pretty impressive. It was rather like Santa's grotto with rope lights directing us towards the sweeties. 

 

Re-energised with wine gums (non-alcoholic) we embarked on the final Long/Short split. We were pretty high up, around 240m, as we exited Shaptor Down and headed along the public footpath towards Shaptor Farm.

 

Through the farm we proceeded and continued down the public footpath past Higher Bowden before passing through woodland and exiting into an open pasture. Here we alarmed two ponies and also ran out of marks. We spread out looking for the elusive white dots. Small mushrooms caught the torchlight and, for a fleeting moment, confirmed that we were on trail.

 

Eventually Big End found a stile and an exit onto a small lane. An arrow had us running downhill, due south, and past Lower Bowden to Furzeleigh Cross. Just before the crossroads, a check had us turning due west and along two parallel footpaths - one official and, one not. The unofficial footpath looked like an old Devon bank with a thoroughfare running between the two manmade banks. 

 

A long zig-zag through the woodland of Stonelands, Shaptor Wood and Northcombe Cross eventually saw us rejoin the return trail at the point at which we'd last seen Forrest and Perry.

 

At last an OH sign. Beefy and Big End blazed the reverse trail....or not as it turned out. We found ourselves on a broad , steep downhill track; easily wide enough for a tractor. We had not been down here before so we assumed that it must be part of the Shorts' trail. It was not. By the time we'd reached the back of Hawkmoor Cottage, Beefy realised that something was wrong. It was back up to the last check - at the top of a very long hill. A mile detour. Oh well.

 

On the return, we caught up with Roger the Dodger and son. They had been off trail for quite a while. They had come across a Ha-Ha and didn't know what it meant, so they simply walked through it and spent the majority of the evening off trail. I still don't know if they ever found the sweetie stop.

 

Back at the last check, it was left where we should have gone right and we were back on a part of the trail we recognised. Soon we were back at Slade Cross - amazingly without any broken ankles. Some of the timber duckboards on the Longs were in pretty gash order with broken slats.

 

Back at the cars, no Bobbiball. We guessed, correctly, that he was already in the pub. The Longs agreed that it had been a lovely run; a trail that would be well worth repeating in the summer. 

 

Thank you Hares. An excellent job.

 

The Down-Downs

Awards were thin on the ground. So were the number of Hashers who had made it to the pub. Teapot, Ernie and Shitfaced had already gone home.

 

However, Ernie had passed on the Bat Hat to Man-Pig to award. Forrest had the Hashshit shirt and he was the first to name and shame. It could have been any number of hashers for reasons as broad as FRB'ing and parking misdemeanours. The actual recipient was Bobbiball for his inability to access or alight from a series of four wheel drives during the course of the evening. For such endeavouring mountaineering, there was a note for Chris Bonnington.

 

The only other award available was the Bat Hat. Not being the original recipient of the award from the previous week, Man-Pig hadn't been clocking misdemeanourNeverthelessles, a step-by-step account of the hash had been recorded by Roger the Dodger on his mobile phone. "We're just coming up to a blade of grass now. No. it's a fern....." fascinating stuff. Accordingly, a very brief down-down song for yakking on his phone on trail: "Yaketty-Yak. Don't talk back. Drink it down, down, down......"

 

Next week

Bobbiball and Bluebird are next week's hares. Bobbiball had a senior moment and advised that we would all be at the Dolphin again next week.....bless. With a little encouragement, he eventually recanted and advised that the trail would be from the Crown & Sceptre in St Marychurch. There is a tapas menu and you do not need to order in advance.

 

On-On to next week!