TVH3 The Words for 19th December 2022

King's Arms, Kingsteignton

Christmas Raffle

Run No. 1948

HARES: Hotlips & Zoot

 

Who wuz there:

Runners: Hotlips, Zoot, Warmfront, Beefy, Pisswell, Piddler, Man-Pig, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Big End, Well Hopped, Melon-Picker, Soapy, and I'm pretty sure that I saw Wet-Johnny doing a pre-hash run with Beefy.

 

Raffle team: Ablesemen, Satnav, Threesum & Slip-on-Me.

 

Rafflers: Shitfaced, Archangel, Teapot, Wetfart, Cheerio Beerio, Fallen Woman, Pork Torpedo, Horny, U-Bend, Strap-On, Bobbiball & Coldtits.

 

The Circle

Pretty much only a single announcement; Smellie requires hares for 16th January and thereafter.

 

Over to the Hares. Hotlips advised that it would be a short run owing to the raffle and the pub putting on food for us - courtesy of the hash.

 

Longs' about 3; Shorts' 2 and there would be a Walkers' if anyone was interested. The Longs' would be an out and back on the same trail whereupon you would rejoin the Shorts'. The return point on the Longs would be clearly marked - except for those who were not paying any attention i.e. Man-Pig and Beefy.

 

The Trail

The BBC weather forecast was not promising. At 7pm it forecast a 96% chance of rain, rising to a 98% chance by 8pm. They weren't wrong. The weather was atrocious. Heavy rain and strong winds. On the plus side, the temperature had picked up from -2 to +13 degrees celsius in just 24 hours - that would explain the strong winds.

 

The weather contributed to only five stalwarts (or should that be fools) doing the Long and I think it might have been only four plus the Hare on the Shorts as I can't remember if Piltdown and Soapy were on trail.

 

The trail took us diagonally across the main road in front of the pub, and running up Fore Street towards the Bell Inn. Opposite the Bell, an arrow directed us along the footpath towards St Michael's church; this is the footpath with the stream running down one side.

 

The marks took us into the churchyard and left, behind the church, to the first check. The trail then took us out of the churchyard and along a narrow footpath running parallel with the churchyard to the next check. Man-Pig checked left and up, I think, Honeywell Road. They were faint but there were two marks and an arrow at the first road junction. "On-On" I called, but no-one was following.

 

I went back to the check to find that it had been marked in the opposite direction. In fairness, Hotlips had mentioned that there were some old marks. These must have been from our run from Tuckers' Maltings Taphouse a fortnight ago. Despite the torrential rain, the cold weather had frozen these marks into the tarmac.

 

Back on trail, it was across Greenhill Way towards Hackney Marshes and onto the new cycle path behind Newton Abbot racecourse. Passing the Hare, and some of the Shorts, I caught up with Pisswell and Piddler before Beefy overtook me and disappeared into yonder distance.

At a Y branch, the Shorts' trail diverted left and under a railway bridge. This path leads to The Passage House Hotel. The Longs went right and up to the new bridge over the canal. Beefy and Man-Pig had not seen the U-turn marked just before the bridge and embarked upon an unrewarding search for non-existent marks around the Brunel trading estate. Beefy must have realised his error before I did, as I spent the rest of the trail on my lonesome.

 

Rejoining the Shorts' trail, it was along the banks of the Teign, left into the Passage House and down and then up Hackney Lane. The Hares had not mentioned anything about waders, buoyancy devices or small boats. However, all would have been useful when navigating the huge puddle halfway along Hackney Lane. 

 

A most confusing mark appeared at the junction between Hackney Lane and Greenhill Way. This comprised crossed out Walkers, Shorts and Longs all going left and traversing a grassy area before hitting Greenhill Way and eventually backtracking the out trail. 3.5 miles all told - and still back in the pub for ten past eight.

 

The Down-Downs

Fallen Woman had the Hashshit shirt from last week. Who else to give it to but none other than last week's Good Samaritan - Bobbiball. Songmeister, Pork Torpedo, kicked off with "Old McDonald had tourettes.....".

 

Next up was Warm Front. She did not have an award from last week but she did have some lost property from the Christmas Party. It was Amy's belt and top. What on earth had been going on at the Christmas party....or coming off? More crucially, why wasn't I informed? In Amy's absence, a snitching Warmfront was awarded a down-down on Amy's behalf accompanied by the Songmeister's version of "Love me tender....."

 

Amazingly, Warmfront made the half pint disappear in under 2.5 seconds whilst simultaneously doubling her body weight!

 

Cheerio Beerio had the jester's hat from two or three weeks ago. She came up with a story that she'd originally been given the birthday hat (the one with the candles) by mistake. This was not the correct hat and she had to give it back and it would be replaced with something more appropriate. In this instance, the jester's hat. What drivel! There are no rules on the hash.

The agent of this diatribe of nonsense should have known better....it was Teapot. Apparently Teapot was manifesting a "mansplanation". PT came up with a wholly inappropriate song in the form of: "This is your down-down song. It won't take very long". It took ages.

 

The last half pint had to go to the Hare, especially as it was his birthday. "Hashy birthday. F..k you...." repeat 10 times was the accompanying ditty.

 

Finally, a big THANKYOU to the raffle organisers and also to the pub for the scoff and the beer.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at The Park Inn, Kingskerswell. Shitfaced will lead the Boxing Day trail that will take in the Lord Nelson and maybe the Sloop or the Hare & Hounds dependant upon the weather....so bring money!

 

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas.

On-On to next week, MP.