TVH3 The Words for 26th December 2022

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell

 

Boxing Day pub walkabout

 

Run No. 1949

 

HARE: Shitfaced

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Man-Piglet (returnee), Cheerio-Beerio, Darcy, Eva, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Piddler (by bike), Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Slip-on-Me, Beefy, Pisswell, Threesum, and Martin.

 

The Circle

Amazingly, seventeen turned up for the Boxing Day hash. Family commitments, travel/travel chaos, and the Season of Christmas usually conspire to result in low numbers between the Christmas and New Year break. Accordingly, it was good to see a goodly number of, mainly sober, souls.

 

Smellie announced that she was looking for hares for the 16th January and from 4th February onwards. The Hare announced a short trail up to the Lord Nelson and back. Additionally, did anyone require food post hash? This would comprise gammon, cheesy chips, pigs in blankets etc @ £3 in the pot. There were no takers at the time but a few decided that they were, indeed, peckish after the arduous trail to the Nellie and back.

 

The Trail

A lunchtime walk around the village had revealed no marks whatsoever. The absence of marks was confirmed by the Hare at the commencement of the trail.

 

Despite being a somewhat short trail, it was not without incident. What on earth could go wrong in 600 yards?

 

First, Piddler wanted to do a proper run, and enquired if anyone wanted to get to the Nellie via the Barn Owl. Little interest was expressed, and this diminished even further when Man-Pig advised that the Barn Owl was shut.

 

The second issue was whether to delay commencement of the trail. Two stalwarts were en route to the Park Inn but were running late due to having just completed a run on Dartmoor. This was Beefy and Pisswell. We started the run without them, and told them where to meet us.

 

There was no marked trail per se. Nevertheless, this didn't stop an impromptu long/short split from taking place almost from the outset. Man-Pig took most of the pack down the alleyway opposite the pub and headed for the main road. Shitfaced, however, took the balance of the pack back towards the war memorial and Fore Street.

 

The reason for the split soon became apparent when FRB, Piddler, ground to a halt between The Sloop and Dobbin Arch. The narrow footpath that leads up to the Nellie from the A380 had been blocked off with safety barriers. Apparently, this was because the council had deemed the wall to the pathway to be unsafe. Did this phase our hashers, including Darcy (8 yrs) and Eva (6 yrs)? No.

 

Man-Pig was first to navigate the barrier. A jump onto the wall, past the barrier, and descent back onto the path. Everyone made it safely through, and soon we were in a nice warm pub.

In theory, we had planned to stop for a single beer before returning to the Park Inn but we had to wait for latecomers. Just as pint number one had been finished, Beefy and Pisswell appeared. But where were Martin and Pisswell? Just as pint number two had been finished, they appeared. 

 

Never mind, just as well I bought some extra cash.

 

The return journey was a bit of a free for all but all made it safely back to the Park Inn.

 

The Down-Downs

Park 'n' Ride had just commenced putting out the food. Dilemma - quick pre-scoff, down-downs or defer till after food. 

 

"Be quick" shouted Shitfaced. And so commenced the briefest of down-downs. The RA sounded reminiscent of an auction house auctioneer - sans gavel.

 

"Any awards from last week?". Silence.

 

"Any stories?". Silence.

 

So the first down-down went to Piddler for paying for his beer in the Nellie with a watch. Doesn't anyone have cash anymore?

 

Next up were Threesum and Martin for being late in arriving at the Nellie; and this despite having the shortest distance to travel.

 

Threesum explained that it was Martin's fault as he was having difficulty with his Yuletide log. No doubt he'll require U-Bend's assistance with the logjam so a note for, "Here's to U-Bend........".

 

As the delay had been entirely Martin's fault, Threesum nominated him to down her half as well. It must be at least six years since we've had a whole pint as a down-down.

 

The last beer was still to be awarded as Park 'n' Ride arrived with the last of the hot food. Shitfaced was instantly awarded the last down-down for being the Hare and taking us on a dangerous obstacle course en route to the Nellie....for Heaven's sake man, children's lives were put at risk!

 

A note for the "Steeplechaser".

 

A thank you to Park 'n' Ride for the scoff and the beer. Unsurprisingly, no-one wanted the half pint of water.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash, the first of a brand new year, is at The Devon Arms Hotel, Teignmouth where Smellie will try to avoid getting four down-downs!

 

Wishing you all a Peaceful New Year.

 

On on to next year, MP.