TVH3 The Words for 16th January 2023 The Crown & Sceptre, St Marychurch

 

 Photo above: Forrest catches the thrown Jester's hat squarely on his head!

Run No. 1952

 

HARES: Bluebird & Man-Pig ably assisted by Bobby Woll

 

Who wuz there: Bluebird, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Threesum, Forrest-Stump, Warmfront, Amy, Beefy, Pisswell, Pollyfella, Fukarewe, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgy, Smellie, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Ernie, Fallen Woman, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Teapot, Bobbiball & Coldtits.

 

THE CIRCLE

The circle commenced with Bluebird asking for a show of hands for food. There was a choice of scampi & chips, sausage & chips or chicken strips & chips. All at the very reasonable price of £3.75. There were four takers and no further announcements. Then it was over to the co-hare whilst Bluebird scurried off to lay the early part of the trail.

 

Now, hands up those of you that have passed a sign saying "Wet-Paint. Do not touch". It is like a red rag too a bull. Curiosity is aroused. How long has the sign been there? Is it still relevant? Is the paint still wet? Invariably, curiosity gets the better of us and we reach out to touch the newly painted surface. 

 

Sometimes the paint is bone dry - old sign....should have been taken down ages ago.

 

 Occasionally, the result is a sticky finger as we regret our curiosity to enquire deeper. And so it proved to be on this occasion.

 

As is the wont of almost any Bluebird trail, there is always an element of foolhardiness in its creation. No wet paint this time but the Hare did paint a picture of an especially dodgy trail to instil fear into the waiting ranks. The Hare dished out the instructions:

 

"Do not do the Long if you are of a nervous disposition."

"Do not do the Long if you bruise easily."

"Do not do the Long unless you are a mountain goat."

"Do not do the Long if you are not competent in the execution of a PLF."

"No, Forrest. The Long is not suitable for dogs."

 

The Hare could not have been clearer but you should be reminded that we are dealing with hashers.

 

THE TRAIL

The trail started easily enough. Bobbiball had kindly offered to choreograph the Walkers' trail. This would be a walk down to the bottom of the cliff railway and then back up to Babbacombe for a quick beer stop at a local hostelry before returning to the On-Down. Simples, or it would have been if Bobbiball's first choice of pub had been open!

 

Meanwhile, Warmfront and Amy (with clothes on this time - obviously recovered from the Christmas party) led the balance of pack. Wet-Johnny was in hot pursuit and not losing ground. This would explain why I did not see them again until the pub. 

 

Somehow the main pack got slightly off trail early on. They all looped down an alleyway and back onto Happaway Road just before its junction with Teignmouth Road. The Hare got them back on trail and in no time they were in the rather sodden playing fields.

 

After a squelchy loop around the periphery of the playing fields we came across Bluebird who was issuing instructions.

 

"All those that want to do the Shorts, stay here!"

 

My heart sank as about eight Shorts stayed with Bluebird whilst six Hashers and Harriets plumped for the Longs. So much for my dire warnings. How on earth was I going to manage one of the steep slopes with a torch in one hand and a container of flour in the other? Secretly though, I was proud of the Longs steely determination. In particular, Forrest-Stump with dog in hand. Oh well, I'd better follow up and do the sweeping.

 

The trail went up onto the ridge where an unmarked public right of way traverses the upper edges of three fields before we came to a check and the south western flank of Watcombe Woods, just above Watcombe Villa. We haven't done this bit of footpath for nigh on twenty years. In the intervening period, it has become a little overgrown due to lack of use but the majority of tracks were discernible - at least they were during the day whilst setting the trail. How visible they would be in the dark remained to be seen.

 

I was pretty much at the tail end of the Longs. The only hashers I could see were Forrest Stump, who was just in front, and Pisswell just behind me. Progress down the steep and slippery path would be slow for all. However, despite not being able to see any of the FRB's, we could hear them calling on on. They weren't that far in front.

 

As we gingerly made our way down into Watcombe Glen and the site of a film studio - demolished a long, long time ago, we could hear Beefy shouting:"On to Long/Short split." This was reassuring as there was about a fifty metre length of trail that followed an almost completely indiscernible track that exits onto the rutted, tarmac lane down to Watcombe Beach.

 

Amazingly, all made it onto the lane without incident. Forrest was in Grizzly training mode as he and Pisswell elected to go Long. This took us up the lane and to the car park opposite Trinity House (I am sure that this used to be called Watcombe Manor - currently for sale if you fancy a huge pile).

 

We followed the wide path and woodland steps towards the Valley of the Rocks. But before the Valley of the Rocks we came to a check. It had already been kicked out to the right. Up, over and then down a series of woodland steps to rejoin Watcombe Lane. Then we ventured down Watcombe Lane for a mere forty or so metres before an arrow had us crossing the flowing stream created by a fractured water main. We then climbed even more woodland steps.....until they stopped. A storm had blown over a tree.

 

The uprooted tree had torn out the the top half dozen steps and these had subsequently been washed away. This made for slippery work with Forrest coming a cropper. The situation was not helped by a wardrobe malfunction as the tang had broken off Forrest's belt. This meant that he had to hold onto his dog and his pants at the same time whilst trying to navigate a fallen tree and and some non-existent steps.

 

There's nothing quite like setting yourself a challenge.

 

The rest of the run was fairly straightforward. It followed the lower path west through Watcombe Woods all the way back, around Torbay Golf Club, and then onto Petitor Road and the OH.

 

A sterling effort by our six Longs. Well done.....or was it just six?

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

Arriving back at the pub, Strap-On was waiting outside for Strap-Dancer. I assumed that Strap-Dancer had chosen the pub option with Bobbiball (she had along with Fallen Woman).

 

Inside the pub, numbers seemed a little low. Polyfella and Shitfaced had already gone home but a few were still missing. A headcount revealed that some of the Shorts were not present - namely, Threesum, Coldtits and Smellie. 

 

Some twenty or so minutes later they arrived - some dirtier than others. A quick look at Coldtit's Strava revealed that, somehow, they had got onto the first of the Long splits. This is the one that had the steep descent into Watcombe valley and, perplexingly, Coldtits had clocked up 5.2 miles on a trail that should have been under 4 miles for the Longs. The main thing was that they were all back safely so we could commence with the Down-Downs.

 

Returnee panto thespian, Forrest-Stump, took command of proceedings:

 

"Thank the pub for the beer."

 

Last week's birthday boy, Piltdown Man, was the first up to give away an award. The pearly hat was now being described as a Turkish wedding helmet....hmmmmm. Nevertheless, the worthy recipient was Warmfront who had won a cross country 10 miler the previous day. A rendition of, "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy", ensued.

 

Next up was Man-Pig (not in slippers this week) to give away the jester's hat to a deserving cause. It could have been given to the Christmas Party stripper but that would have meant backtracking to 10th December 2022.

 

It could have been given to any of the Longs for ignoring the Hare's pre-run omens. It could have been given to any of the three Shorts who ended up on the Longs. However, in fairness, only Threesome was present in the circle to hear the Hare's warnings of impending doom. The other two were either late arriving or powdering their nose.

 

It could have been given to either of the fallers, and an inspection of Forrest's and Smellie's backsides was undertaken in order to ascertain who was the dirtiest hasher.....a draw!

 

Finally, the sorry tale unfolded of a deaf, but determined hasher. He had left home without a change of clothing. He had fallen over which was, perhaps, unsurprising in the absence of a working belt. Additionally, he had committed himself to a challenging trail along with the loyal Perry. And, to complete the charge list Forrest performed a party trick by catching the flying jester's hat squarely on his head. A note for the "wardrobe mismanagement".

 

Warmfront 'dished the dirt' on a hasher who had turned up in road shoes (inadvisable as Bluebird can confirm) and had compounded the error by stopping at halfway to wash them! Wash 'em Wet Johnny!

 

The penultimate award should have gone to Forrest for diving into the bushes for a pre-hash slash. This had been witnessed by Fukarewe but he had promised not to squeal. A common hash mistake. Fukarewe gets the Down-Down for "Discretion".

 

Wet-Johnny was driving and Forrest is on the wagon for January. This left two untouched halves on the bar. It didn't take long for the Hash to decide that these should go to the Hares....a DD dead heat.

 

Thankyou to the pub for having us and for Bluebird's neighbour, Big Dave, for putting up with us. The Crown & Sceptre always makes us welcome and it's really rather pleasant to have the jazz music wafting in from the bar opposite.

 

POSTSCRIPT

A feeling of relief that I had been able to assist MP laying the trail - it's always a bit of a lottery whether I can get out. We struck it lucky with an all too rare dry day. The lay was 'slightly' eventful with MP's accompanying banter always entertaining.

 

The trail went without incident although it was my mistaka that sent Coldtits, Smellie and Threesum onto the long. I had mentioned to Polyfella that I should have put closer marks at the top of the lane going right in case Coldtits came along. I didn't, and she and the others quite understandably veered left onto the first long split.

 

Fortunately, all three are experienced hashers, and were able to cope with the mudslide descent. Little wonder that Smellie was taking my name in vain!

 

I concur with MP that the Crown & Sceptre is still hash friendly and ideal for me.

 

I am sorry about my minor hissy fit at the downdowns which MP was kind not to mention. I am a bit stressed from time to time, and Fallen Woman perhaps recognized the fact.

 

I had a lovely day, thanks, MP, Bob, and all you hashers.

 

NEXT WEEK

Next week's Hash is fromThe King William IV, Totnes. The Hare is Wet-Johnny and the run is just before Burn's Night so wear something Scottish - either on trail or in the pub.

 

On-On to next week.