The Silent Whistle, Ashburton
Run No. 1957
HARE: Pisswell
Who
wuz there: Pisswell, U-Bend, Piddler, Broadshit, Forrest Stump, Perry,
Man-Pig, Archangel, Cheerio Beerio, Wet-Johnny, Slip-on-Me, Satnav,
Ablesemen, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Ernie, Coldtits,
Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Teapot, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Threesum,
Tamsin, Triple Jump, Teararse, Rise'n'Shine & Mateus Rose.
No Food
Shitfaced
had morphed into U-Bend who welcomed all into the circle. The
announcements were brief and all related to food - or, more accurately,
the absence thereof. The Hare, Pisswell, started by announcing that
the original plan of ordering scoff from the chippie was scrubbed. This
was simply because the owner had pissed her off so she had told him
to, "Sod off".
However,
the pub was happy for Hashers to bring in their own food from other
sources. Pisswell explained that there were a couple of late night
corner shops and an Indian restaurant around the corner. Go forage.
In
the same vein, it was confirmed that the Wild Goose was opening
especially for us on 6th March. Hence the Awards night was a goer.
Unfortunately, the absence of the landlord, his partner and bar staff
sickness means that only the chef will be present. Accordingly, only
one person will be on bar duty (the chef) and no scoff. Nevertheless,
the Wild Goose is perfectly happy for Hashers to bring along their own
victuals.
Pisswell
advised that there was a Long, a Short and a Walkers'. Pay attention
Smellie. The Long is about 5.5 miles and marks are always on the right
except when you come back on yourself and then they are on the left.
Ergo, the Walkers were to follow Pisswell for the early part of the
trail when they would, initially, be following the return trail for the
Longs and the Shorts. Hence, for the Walkers, early marks would be on
the left. SIMPLES!
The Trail by Pisswell
Billy Joel - Uptown Girl Official Music Video
YouTubeYouTubehttps://www.youtube.com › watch
Uptown girl
She's been living in her moorland world
She came to Ashburton to lay a trail
So let me guide you as I tell the tale.
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I'm gonna try for an uptown course
Pubs are dead, includes the old bay horse
The bull ring splits the shorts and longs go off past the chippy man
I told “cod off!” No fish and chips!
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And if they run, the on down they will pass
The Silent Whistle
The on-ly pub left in Ash
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Shorts trail is not so tough
Just because, you will love, just 3 miles not 5
They miss the graveyard.
Will the longs survive?
They’ll meet at Bowden hill, the top of town
And then Knowles cross, the checks will take you round
Just make your choice
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Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh
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Uptown power
A check at Lanterns, using lots of flour
But maybe someday you’ll see I’m not evil
You’ll understand, just to release weevils!
Poor Ashburton!
---------------------
Meanwhile, the walkers they’re looking so fine
Enticed with sweeties, they got back in line
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Headborough farm is not so tough
Grounds not rough
Did you love Great bridge, then stop
To eat sweeties? then up Terrace top
Another split, so shorts can then run back
Along the riverbank, whilst longs change tack
To Bluebell woods.
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Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh
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Uphill path
Through my uphill path
You ran through the leaves with some downhill steps
Steep downhill steps
And you know Smellies lost!
She’s a down down girl
Our down down girl
You know she’s a love, she’s our down down girl
She's our hat trick girl……
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Third Time Lucky
It
has been a long, long time since Teign Valley were last at the Silent
Whistle and it was good to get reacquainted with an old friend again.
A
toss of the coin, between the two RA's, resulted in Forrest-Stump
orchestrating the evening's Down-Downs. However, proceedings were
somewhat delayed as we had a missing Harriet and a missing Hare out
looking for her. As soon as the missing duo had been accounted for,
Forrest got proceedings underway.
First
up was Smellie with the Jester's hat. This would have gone to
Wet-Johnny for turning up without a torch. However, Wet-Johnny wasn't
present at the On-Down and nor was Pisswell's torch that he'd borrowed.
Instead, the award went to Teapot for FRB'ing right at the start. True
story. In fact, he was seen running!
Next
up was Beefy with the Turkish wedding cap. This went to Forrest for
getting a blister on one foot...ONE FOOT - obviously. Forrest had spent
a glorious Sunday putting in a 14 mile training run for the
forthcoming Grizzly. Well done. The other part of Forrest's Grizzly
training is laying off the beer. Hence a half pint of water for our
athlete.
Slip-On
me had the horned hat and also had her purse. There was some story
about missing buns and yellow-labelled out of date bread from a food
bank. The "Happy Shopper" turned out to be Triple Jump who doesn't like
beer. Accordingly, a half pint of water for Triple Jump.
No
more tangible awards to give out so were there any stories? Of course
there were. The first story divulged that the reason for the delayed
Down-Downs was because Smellie had got lost. So who was to blame?
Smellie, who wasn't going to do the Long, or the Hare who encouraged
her to go Long? A vote was called for, and Pisswell received the
Down-Down for leading Harriets astray.
The
second story had its origins in the late change of plan regarding the
fish and chip shop. A certain Hasher was feeling a tad peckish back in
the pub. He enquired at the bar as to the price of a Kit Kat. £1.40 was
the reply. "I'm not paying that" and out he trotted to the corner
shop, some half mile distant, to procure said Kit Kat. Well, at least
Piltdown Man got a free half pint out it. A note for the "Happy Shopper
2".
That
should have concluded the Down-Downs but, with two teetotallers
amongst the evening's culprits, there was a half pint of beer looking
for a deserving tummy.
ALL THE THREES -
for the third week in a row, Smellie was called out. This time for
delaying the Down-Downs. Not only had she got lost on the Longs, she'd
also been round the Long loop three times before realising that she was
still crawling under the same fallen tree that she'd crawled under
twice previously.
Now,
I must agree that it was an excellent trail and 25% of it was on
ground that I've never been on before. Brilliant. Nevertheless, as
excellent as the trail undoubtedly was, I wasn't keen enough to go
around it three times!
Hence
Smellie received the last down Down-Down plus the hat that she'd given
away just ten minutes earlier. Surely, with a rap sheet like this,
Smellie must be a contender for Pillock of the Year?
Lost Property
Smellie again? No.
As
the last lingerers left the pub a carrier bag was noticed on one of
the bar tables. It must belong to a Hasher as it had only been Hashers
sitting in that area of the bar. A look inside revealed what looked
like a black shoe box. It was very light so it must have been an empty
shoe box. A closer look revealed it to be the voting slip box for the
Awards Night. Who is the guilty party?
Next week
Next
week's Hash is at The Saracen's Head, Newton Abbot but we are to
circle up in Cricketfield Road car park. Our Hare for the evening is Beeflicker.
Now,
Beeflicker has laid hashes before but not for Teign Valley. He is a
little anxious so he would very much welcome some assistance in laying
the trail. If anyone can assist, please post your interest on the TVH3
Facebook page.
Finally,
food again. The Saracen's Head does not do food but they have said
that Hashers are welcome to bring along their own food and eat it in
the pub; and take-away alley is just down the road
.
On-On to next week, MP.
