The Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot
Run. No. 1964
HARES: Ernie & Strap-On avec family members
Who
wuz there: Ernie, Strap-On, Forrest Stump, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Hotlips,
Zoot, Soapy, Melonpicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy,
Big End, Well Hopped, Triple Jump, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Beeflicker,
Slip-on-Me, Strap-Dancer, Bluebird, Wet Johnny, Erection, Piddler,
U-Bend, Cold Tits, Fallen Woman (no Broken Man - he was supping ale with
Trucker at the Cridford Inn), Rise 'n' Shine, Mateus Rose &
(almost virgin) Nine inches!
Circle
An
unusually busy Easter Monday saw us welcome thirty one hashers and
numerous family members of the Hares who were assisting on the sweetie
stop. Announcements were brief. Shitfaced had a message from Satnav
regarding Teapot. Sadly, his wife, Leslie, was in hospital after
suffering a stroke. This would, understandably, result in a further
delay before Teapot can rejoin us.
Zoot
had posted a newspaper article on the TVH3 Facebook page regarding
Winfield's and Hovel Annie's 60th wedding anniversary. What an
achievement. Well done!
Next
week's hares also wanted an early indication of numbers wanting a pint
and a pie at £5.50 a head. Hungry hashers raised their hands. Piltdown
did not raise his hand as high as others and looked more reminiscent
of a Hitler Youth salute.
The
Hares promised us great things. A Walkers' Trail of about 2.5 miles. A
Shorts' of circa 4 and the Longs' would be 6'ish (hmmmm.....more about
the "ish" bit later). Marks could be on either the left or the
right....that's useful! Far more importantly, there would be not be one
but two searches for mini-Easter eggs plus the all important sweetie
stop. Finally, more hands up for bubble and squeak in the pub.
Well,
not quite finally. Pork Torpedo arrived late and nearly repeated his
parking faux pas from last week. At least this week he could get out
even if Horny had to navigate beer kegs in order make it into the
circle. Bluebird arrived even later and proceeded to park in a
non-existent parking space which prevented circular access and egress
from the pub car park. How selfish?
Trail
The
trail proved to be a counter cyclical lay with the outward Walkers'
and Shorts' trail also being the return of the Longs' trail (hence the
marks on both the left and right). The Longs' included a monster loop
up and down the banks of the River Teign with Beefy clocking up an
incredible 8.37 miles on his epic reverse walk on the Longs.
The
first check was within 200 yards of the pub. The Shorts' and Walkers'
went down Whitehill Road while the Longs' carried on along Exeter Road
to Highweek church and then diverted onto the footpath below the church
and back towards Pithill Road. Left down Pithill Road and left again
along a narrow fenced footpath path that runs behind Coombeshead
College and exits near Knowles Hill roundabout.
Almost
inevitably, Beeflicker was in front with Man-Pig chasing. A missed
arrow at the roundabout at the top end of Jetty Marsh Road relegated
the Pig to the back of the Longs' whilst Wet-Johnny, Big End, Well
Hopped, Forrest Stump and Pisswell continued to chase Beeflicker.
The
trail went left and followed the cyclepath next to the Stover canal
towards Teigngrace. Halfway along this length of pathway, the pack had
ground to a halt. It was the first of the Easter Egg hunts. Forrest
immediately found two eggs and I think everyone else left empty handed.
Determined to get my daily chocolate fix, I hunted, in vain, for the
elusive eggs. Again the pack got some 400 yards in front of me and I
would not see them again till the sweetie stop.
The
SS was well manned with Ernie's daughter and grand-daughter as well as
Strap-On, Strap-Dancer and Ernie himself. Some of the Shorts were
still there, some had yet to arrive. Chocolate mini Easter eggs -
lovely. The FRB's had already embarked on the Longs' just before I
arrived at the sweetie stop.
For
the third time, I was some 400 yards in arrears. Little did I know
then that this would be the last time I'd see them in the next four
miles! Pisswell and the Pig left the SS simultaneously and followed the
cycle path north to just before Teigngrace. Here I noticed Wet-Johnny
on a reverse trail (this proved to be the Walkers' and Shorts' outward
trail) whilst Forrest SCB'd by sneaking across the canal and railway at
Teigngrace station.
The
Longs' trail was marked east and across two fields and then downstream
following the meandering Teign. Apparently, all FRB's assumed
(incorrectly as it turned out) that we would join the Exeter Road, turn
right and backtrack along the outward trail. BONG! WRONG!
Perplexingly,
as I got nearer to the Exeter Road, I could hear the FRB's calling.
However, they sounded as though they were to the left of me and on the
other side of the Teign. Shirley not. The next crossing point is a mile
back up the way we had just run but on the east bank. Sure enough, I
got to the Exeter Road (close to where we usually park) only to find an
arrow....LEFT!?
Over
the new pedestrian bridge we coursed and left again onto the upstream
riverbank path. Pisswell was some 600 yards behind so I kept calling to
give her some (dis) encouragement. This was going to be longer than
the 6'ish miles I thought - although I had not brought my Garmin with
me and I hadn't turned on Strava on the phone either.
Eventually,
after slipping and sliding my way upstream, I got to the first bridge.
Thankfully, an arrow confirmed this as the correct crossing point. I
had expected to catch glimpse of the FRB's once I was on the west bank -
but nothing. Then, in the distance, a yellow hi-vis. I was catching
them up. Or was I? It soon dawned on me that this hi-vis was coming
towards me. "Lost trail?" I thought. No. It was Beefy who was walking
the Longs trail but in reverse. He was also looking for Pisswell who
was probably some 800 yards behind at this point. The marks were good
though. There shouldn't have been much chance of anyone getting lost.
But, you can never tell with Hashers. A brief exchange of pleasantries,
including Beefy's doubts as to whether he'd be back in time for the
Down-Downs, and we both went on our merry ways.
As
expected, the trail followed the Teign before crossing three fields,
passing the basin on the Stover Canal and rejoining tarmac at Ventiford
Lodge. Arrows then had us on road for the rest of the trail. The road
between Ventiford Lodge and the Exeter Road is a very minor road. There
is only Hope Farm, Teigngrace and the caravan park at Twelve Oaks Farm
along its route. Nevertheless, four or five cars passed in the space
of a mile.
The
marks began to get a little confusing. They were on both the left and
the right and, from Teigngrace onwards, most marks on the right were
arrows with a big "L" below them. This was where the Longs were running
against the Shorts' outward trail.
By
the time that we'd hit the Exeter Road for the third (strictly fourth)
time, I'd caught up with Beeflicker, Big End and Well Hopped who had
run out of marks. "Go right", it's the shortest route back to the pub".
Sure enough, we found marks. The trail finished by climbing up
Whitehill Road which took us almost back to the pub.
Six'ish miles! Well, I ask you?
Down-Downs
Forrest
was RA for the evening. He commenced by thanking the pub for the beer.
He then asked what we all thought of the trail? "A great sweetie stop!"
Man-Pig
was the first up to give away his award from last week. There were a
number of potential candidates. Smellie for planning to travel back
from her holidays in Prague on a bank holiday Monday when there were no
trains running. She was stuck in Dover. Two SCB contenders comprising
Forrest and Wet-Johnny. But the winner, by a mile (or should that be
fathom?), was Pork Torpedo who had fallen in the river, albeit, not
today but some twenty years past. It made no difference as PT had to
sing his own Down-Down song. It was something about a magic lantern
that wasn't very magic. Well, what do you expect if you buy something
from a Hasher?
Next
up was Slip-on-Me who had the Turkish wedding hat. This was awarded to
Beeflicker who had left some underwear in Slip-on-Me's car. Raised
eyebrows all round. Even more eyebrow raising was to come. This was not
even male underwear. It was a pair of girlie socks! Pork Torpedo
carried on with the story of the dodgy magic lamp. Something to do with
the Sultan's camel and a secret hidey-hole.
Bluebird
had the Jester's Hat but no story as he hadn't seen a soul on his
truncated walking trail. Hence he deferred to Forrest to make up a
story on his behalf.
Forrest
recounted the story of the dizzying heights that some Hashers will go
to in the pursuit of personal grooming post trail. This particular
hasher had moved the front passenger seat as far forward as it would go
and then climbed in the back of their car to get changed. How bashful.
This must be a Harriet. The hasher rubbed themselves down very
thoroughly with a soft pink towel....definitely a Harriet....and then
proceeded to apply various fragrances to various body parts.
Antiperspirant for pits. Hairspay and just a hint of perfume for the
pub. This must be a young Harriet looking for a mate....it is spring
after all. Some 40 minutes later the culprit emerged from their car,
smelling of roses and looking like.....errr, well, an elderly
gentleman.
The guilty party.....Piddler! Songmeister PT immediately came up with, "Old McDonald had tourettes".
One
last lonely half looking for a tummy. There were two hares and at
least four helpers at the sweetie stop. Who should have the beer?
Eventually, Ernie managed to foist it onto a reluctant Strap-On as
co-hare.
Next week
Next
week's Hash is at The Red Rock Brewery, Humber. Our Hares for the
evening are Big End and Well Hopped. Don't forget to get your orders in
for a pie and a pint asap.
On-On to next week, MP.
