TVH3 The Words for 27th March 2023

Almost daylight trail from The Star Inn, Liverton

 

Run No. 1962

 

HARES: Beeflicker and Slip-on-Me

 

by Man-Pig & BB

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Soapy, Melonpicker, Palmolive, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Coldtits, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, U-Bend, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Triple Jump, Broken man, Fallen Woman, Zoot, Hotlips, Strap-on, Forrest Stump, Wood Lend, Ernie, Arkangel & visitor Wife Beater from Cambridge Hash.

 

CIRCLE

A fairly brief Circle. Smellie announced that she was OK for hares up to 12th June - hoorah. Shitfaced welcomed our sole visitor - Wife Beater from Cambridge Hash. 

 

Forrest advised that next week's AGPU hash would be from a different venue; it was now going to be set from the Bridford Inn. Pizzas can be ordered on the night - but not too late.

Finally, Man-Pig was looking for the owner of lost property. A head torch had been found in the FBI last week. The usual suspects, Smellie and Coldtits were found innocent this week as the guilty party was this week's Hare - Beeflicker. It was then Beeflicker's turn to explain the trail; Walkers' 4 miles; Shorts' 5 miles; Longs' about 6.5 miles but take the first walkers' trail if you'd like it a bit shorter.

 

TRAIL FOR THE LONGS

Daylight! What a pleasant change to start the trail in daylight and relative warmth. What would the hares have in store for us with Beeflicker on only his second TVH3 lay? A jolly long and jolly excellent trail. That's what! And well marked too!

 

Left out of the pub car park and a check at the first junction after only 25 yards. Most went straight ahead but the trail actually beared left and into a housing estate. Big End led the pack followed by Man-Pig and visitor, Wife Beater (who is originally from Bickleigh so he knows the area).

 

The second check had the Pig on trail and heading down a cul-de-sac that ended with a footpath and then an arrow to the right and another check. This took us along a fenced in footpath across two fields and towards Old Liverton and the Walkers and Long/Short split.

The Longs went through a small new estate in Old Liverton and past a renovated pottery kiln. We then traversed across the main road between Ilsington and Liverton and then took a short loop back onto the main road.

 

Soon there was another check that took us into Rora Wood by Woodgate Cottages. Wet Johnny had incorrectly checked on road towards Ilsington whilst local knowledge visitor, Wife Beater, found the only Long/Short split now that we had already parted company with the Walkers. The Shorts went left and towards Penn Wood. The Long went right , following the footpath that skirts the northern periphery of Rora Wood.

 

The footpath looked strangely familiar. By the time we came to our fourth check, with the trail crossing a small stream (but not so small that you could keep your feet dry), the penny dropped. This was part of a trail that Wigwam and Bobbiball had laid about 8 or 9 years ago from the Carpenter's Arms. But we were doing it in reverse.

 

The trail now took us out of Rora Wood and onto open pasture and a steep climb. In front of me was Wet-Johnny. Behind me was Wife-Beater (who had checked out in the wrong direction), Wood Lend, Big End and Well Hopped. Ernie and Pisswell would be on the Long too but they were well out of sight.

 

At the top of the hill, we came to a new five-bar gate with peculiar steps built into its structure to encourage walkers to get their leg-over. A long and relatively level wide track towards Lower Lounstone ensued. It wasn't long before Wife Beater, Wood-Lend and Beeflicker overtook me.

 

At the end of the track, we rejoined tarmac and encountered another check. Wet Johnny had checked out the wrong way and I caught up with FRB's, Wood-Lend and Wife Beater at a five way junction at Great Lounston.

 

Both FRB's had checked out false trails so it was southeast on the lane towards Bethelcombe Cross (Bethelcombe Cross was part of Bobbiball's trail from 4 years ago. You may recall it as we started on a firing range. It absolutely bucketed down throughout the entire hash but, famously, this didn't prevent Bobbiball from providing freshly cooked bacon sandwiches).

The trail continued past Bethelcombe Cross, and then an arrow had us divert onto Ramshorn Down. We have been here a few times with Wigwam over the years.

 

At its peak, the views are spectacular (when it's daylight). It was quite tipsy now and time to put on our torches. There is a stone circle at the highest point. however, I don't recall ever having noticed that before...and for good reason. It is almost brand new. In the pub afterwards, one of Forrest's friends told me that it had only been build in 2020. Ah. So I wasn't losing my memory after all!

 

We hadn't seen Wood-Lend or Wife Beater since great Lounston. It was just myself, Wet-Johnny and Beeflicker atop Ramshorn Down. The trail took us down and then left on a long footpath just below the eastern edge of Rora Down. This too had been part of a previous Bobbiball trail.

 

The trail then started a steep descent towards Rora House. We were still high though. In the distance, I could make out the lights to the car park of the Welcome Stranger.

 

Wet-Jonny and Beeflicker were beginning to pull away so the last mile or so of the trail would be spent on my own. Entering Rora Wood, the trail went right and eastwards along its southern edge. Then surprisingly, an arrow had the trail change direction to take a sharp right and uphill into Penn Wood. 

 

The trail appeared to be going in a circle, and now that I am looking at an OS map, I see it was. About half way around the circle, another arrow had the trail almost come back on itself as it now changed to a far narrower path and a steepish descent to the lane-cum-track below Rora House.

 

Here I caught up with Coldtits. I bade her farewell as I pressed on. At the end of the poorly tarmac'd lane we came to a junction with a proper tarmac lane - and a chalk arrow. The trail was straight across and along a very muddy and slippery footpath. Almost zero traction and then.......errrrrg....total zero traction. I was well covered in mud. Fortunately, this footpath runs next to a brook so I gave myself a good wash off just before the footpath ended.

 

Back on tarmac, I could see wet footprints in front of me. Hmmmm. I wonder if I was the only one to take a fall on that section of trail. Someone else had definitely been paddling in the brook.

 

The footpath ended near Halford and an arrow had us go right and then immediately left and back towards Liverton where we rejoined the outward trail. I think this may have confused a few hashers but all made it back into the vey welcoming Star Inn.

 

All the Longs in the pub agreed that it had been a fantastic trail. Very well laid and well worth the nigh on 7 miles. Well done Beeflicker and Slip-on-Me.

 

AN ASPIRING THESPIAN & DONALD WHERE'S YOUR TROOSERS

I was not expecting to be able to go far, still plagued with a knee injury since that fateful hash of 23rd January.

 

A McWot style hash trail direct to the bar seemed to be odds-on favourite which would explain why I had not bothered to change into any trail apparel. In retrospect, whatamistakatomaka!

Fellow injury sufferer Beefy, hiking boots attired, was going for the projected four mile short, so what the heck, I would avago myself.

 

Last out of the car park along with the GM, we set off on our excursion - mini for Beefy but a major trip for the already limping Bird.

 

It was quite a fun trail out on the tarmac until veering hard a port into the boondocks and encountering dreaded mud, mud, not so glorious mud. 

 

Shrieks of rage emitted from the Birdbrain's beak as he tried to preserve his bright yellow £124 Hokas from the liquid evil.

 

'Is that all you've got!' trilled the self-psyching flightless one as he managed, with great difficulty, to overtake the dainty-stepping Fallen Woman.

 

'Your'e making a lot of noise!' observed a patient Fallen Woman as the betrewsed one fluttered by.

 

Fifty yards ahead, Ernie and Strap-On were having a nice little natter until being rudely interrupted as the still muttering Bird slipped between them.

 

Terra tarmac resumed, Soapy and Palmolive were overhauled and the open road beckoned. Faint cries were heard from behind. 'Bluebird, Bluebird, .....BLUEBELL!' A 180 degree turn did the injured knee no good at all. 'What is it?' 'Check back.' Long sigh....

 

The hares had been as cunning as a bag of weasels as suddenly, the walkers appeared from the left.

 

Exiting the village limits of Liverton, the true adventure began oh Dearly Are You Still there...

The L/S split and trail buddies Ernie and Strap-On bade each other a tearful farewell as Ernie decided to risk it and go as a biscuit whilst Strap-On opted for the safety first short.

 

I've just come down
From the Isle of Skye
I'm not very big and I'm awful shy
And the lassies shout when I go by
Donald, where's your troosers?

 

Pursuit of Soapy and Palmolive proved futile as they continued running up the woodland path and the pain was becoming annoying. There was nothing for it but to take my trews off and apply the neoprene support. Only Strap-On witnessed the operation, and he would keep mum about it in the pub. Good boy S-O, you know it makes sense.

 

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw U Bend

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

 

No? Well please yourselves then.

 

I gave him a quick burst of Whip Jamboree on my banjo as I continued on my merry way.

A sly attempted short-cut didn't work out as well as I hoped, and I had to be called back on trail by Beefy who was walking faster than my shuffle.

 

As we turned for home, Beefy spun me a tale of an aspiring thespian from deep in the Teign Valley. Apparently, Forrest, he of Panto fame, has been getting rave reviews for his acting talent. His latest being a production, for adults only, where he plays several characters in a play. Hurray!

 

It became a little congested on trail as Smellie and then U Bend hove into view, and then the first of the longs, Wood Lend, mit Muttley, swept past.

 

That last muddy lane was a corker. Man-Pig confessed to coming down, and the skid marks bore testimony to many a slide. The Bird slithered on landing and impaled himself on the barbed wire fence bordering the death hazard.

 

Finally, the Star's welcoming lights were passed, and it was time for a well-earned pint. All three disciplines of long, short, and walkers certainly got their money's worth. 

 

Well done Beeflicker and, for tonight's trail, the aptly named Slip on Me!

 

DOWN-DOWNS

Licensee James generously provided four halves of ale and a half pint of water for the Down-Downs. Thank'ee kindly, landlord.

 

The first award was the Turkish wedding hat from former recipient, U Bend. This he could have given to a number of candidates. 

 

There then unravelled the story of an alluring Harriet attempting to get Broken Man's attention by performing some sort of a courtship dance in front of him. I don't know what Fallen Woman would have though of all this. Additionally I don't know if this was a jig, a twist or a twirl. U-Bend identified Smellie as the guilty party and grabbed her just as she was on the way to the ladies! A note for "the twizzler".

 

Next up was Bluebird with the Jester's hat. Bluebird had been quizzing our visitor as to how he had got his name (apparently because his wife had always been faster than him but, one day, he actually beat her). Additionally, Bluebird wanted to know all about the Cambridge Hash.

"We always run from the same pub", said our guest.

 

"What?"

"Yes. And we never get bored. It's always a different trail. I know all the back passages!"

 

I'm sure you do. A note for the "Hershey Highway".

 

Man-Pig thought that he had the Hashshit shirt from last week but, upon closer inspection, it turned out to be the Pillock shirt. The Pig also held a collection of lost property. Beeflicker got his head torch back, and then the Pig began his search for a Harriet....a very special Harriet as this particular Harriet has three hands.

 

Man-Pig has collected three, non-matching, small black nylon gloves. "Who is the three handed harriet". A show of hands revealed Georgy Porgy to have an additional hand. Useful for all the housework no doubt. However, neither were worthy recipients. Had anyone else forgotten something this week? Blank faces all round. "Has anyone forgotten to bring their award from last week?". A sheepish Smellie had forgotten the Bacardi Hat. In fact, she seemed to have forgotten that she'd got a half pint to down as well. A note for "the amnesiac".

 

Finally, a half of beer and water for each of the Hares for an absolutely fantastic trail. Very good indeed.

 

Thanks to James at the Star Inn for providing the Down-Downs and making us most welcome.

 

NEXT WEEK

Next week's Hash is at The Bridford Inn. It is also the AGPU. Despite the occasion, the Hare, Forrest-Stump, is threatening a long one just to make the AGPU as brief as possible.

 

Now it's goodbye from us for now and

On-On to next week!