by Man-Pig
The Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot
Run. No. 1971
HARES: Ablesemen & Slip-On-Me
Who
wuz there: Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Zoot, Hotlips,
Smellie, Coldtits, U-Bend, Beeflicker, Bluebird, Bobbiball, Wetfart,
Teapot, Satnav, Triple Jump, Broadshit, Scott, Pisswell, AA, Riff Raf
and Screwed & Bella.
Circle
It
was Ablesemen's birthday and, following AH3's and the Devon A2B
tradition, Able had volunteered to lay the trail. But what else is 29th
May famous for? Various guesses but none were correct.
Ablesemen
gave us a little spiel about 29th May being known as Restoration Day
or Oak Apple Day. This was to commemorate the restoration of the Stuart
monarchy to the thrown after the end of Oliver Cromwell's term as Lord
Protector over a notional republic.
The
term Oak Apple refers to the time when Charles 1st avoided capture by
the Roundhead Army by hiding in an Oak tree. Hence why so may pubs are
called The Royal Oak.
So,
what happens on Apple Day. Well, you get a partner and get said
partner to stand in front of you or behind you. The one behind then
pinches the one in front's bottom...HARD!
The
history behind this is that, post restoration of the monarchy, pro
royalists took to wearing an oak leaf as a sign of support for the
monarchy. Anyone not wearing an oak leaf had their bottom pinched.
Ablesemen
went on to confuse 328 years with 328 days, thereby maintaining that
she was less than a year old! After a brief correction, a description
of the trail. It was short. Longs' 3 miles; Shorts' 2 miles. Look out
for Charles 1st hiding in a tree and there would be prizes and cakes
back in the pub.
The Trail
Ablesemen
directed us right out of the car park and right again through Highweek
Village. Unsurprisingly, Beeflicker was FRB - no Beefy or Wet Johnny
this week. An arrow had us turn left and down Coombeshead Road and then
dead ahead and down a nicely mowed footpath towards the Ashburton Road
(A383). Well, at least the top of the footpath was almost lawn like.
However,
it wasn't long before we hit stinging nettles. All I could hear behind
me was a series of "Oooo. Ows" and yelps. This didn't sound quite like
Bluebird, and it turned out to be AA with unprotected legs.
Bluebird,
recently recovered, was wearing long trousers and the nettles proved
no problem. Riffraff and Man-Pig just had to suffer them in silence.
The
trail crossed Rosemary Avenue, and then an arrow had us cross the A383
and then right and left onto Barton Drive and up Ogwell Mill Lane. The
tarmac gave way to the old, and once cobbled, track that leads quite
steeply down to the ford on the River Lemon below Emblett Hill. An
ideal place for a check but no check was to be seen by the intrepid
scouting party.
The five of us, Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Bluebird, AA and Riffraff, looked in vain for trail clues.
Eventually,
Beeflicker found a mark and we headed east and past Bradley Manor
towards Bradley Park. Over a little stream and a tiny bridge that had
been the site of last week's AshHash regroup and then following the
marks north past some light industrial units and towards the microwave
transmitter atop Broadlands. But were these new marks or last week's
AH3 marks?
The
seasoned old Indian tracker (aka halfwit Bluebird) deduced that they
be old marks. Man-Pig who, in fairness did have the benefit of having
run last week's AH3 trail, concluded that they be new marks.
We
followed them anyway. When we hit Barton Drive for the second time we
came across an arrow in flour; very new flour. We were definitely "On".
Another
arrow had us bear right onto a footpath with fencing to one side
before we joined Manor Road heading due north. After only a couple of
hundred yards, we were back on the A383 and the OH trail up Pitt Hill
Road.
The
arrows came thick and fast, and we were on the wooded footpath that
leads to Highweek Church and thence left and back to the pub.
The GPS read 3.00 miles as Bluebird and I entered the pub car park. Ablesemen's distance was bang on the money.
Down-Downs
The
five FRB's entered a reasonably quiet bar. Where were the others? We
ordered a pint each and sat down and waited, and waited......and waited
some more. Eventually, some half hour later, Shitfaced appeared:
"Where have you been?"
"On the Walkers' trail".
"How far have you gone?"
"4.05 miles"
"You have not been on the Walkers' trail."
Then,
in dribs and drabs, the others made it back to the On-Down. The one
thing that they all have in common is that they had all done well over 3
miles. Where had they been?
A panting Broadshit and Scott ordered at the bar. Whilst they were waiting, I asked:
"Did you find yourself at the Cricketfield car park per chance?"
"Yes" replied Broadshit.
Fantastic. The Hash had done last week's AshHash trail...oh dear.
Once everyone had got a drink and discussed where they went or should have gone, it was time for the Down-Downs.
Forrest
Stump wasn't present as it was Mucking Fuddle's birthday and it would
be good to have someone other than the Pig to RA for a change. Hence
vice GM, U-Bend, assumed RA'ing duties for the evening. But, prior to
the awards, Ablesemen had some prizes to give out.
First
question: "Who was on the throne after Charles 1st?" Some wrong
answers but Bobbiball came up with Oliver Cromwell and won an apple.
Second question: "Charles 1st had several mistresses, but who was his favourite?"
"Nell Gwyn" declared Bluebird before collapsing and another apple was awarded.
Apples exhausted, it was over to U-Bend to RA.
"Who has an award?"
Satnav
was first up to dish the dirt. This was all rather self-inflicted as
Satnav recounted a story of looking up where tonight's On-Down was from
the FB page. She printed off the map and then jumped into her car.
The
fly in the ointment was that she'd forgotten her reading glasses and
the newly printed map turned out to be as useful as a chocolate
fireguard. But, NO, she was not giving herself the Down-Down. She was
giving it to Ablesemen on the occasion of her birthday. A note for the
birthday girl.
The
second award of the evening was the Jester's hat which Pisswell had.
This she awarded to Smellie for taking her 3 miles off trail just to
have a play on the swings in a childrens' playground. How childish. A
note for "The swinger" as Smellie takes an inordinate time to down her
half from the vet's sperm sample container (I think it was
clean....ish).
The
return of Bluebird also heralded the return of the Hashshit shirt.
Well, the Bird rabbited on about this and that for ages, mostly
unrelated to the Hash. When he eventually ran out of puff, he awarded
the shirt to the svelte gazelle who ultimately succumbed to a knee
injury. Kindly step forward, AA!
One
half left. Were there any more stories? Plenty, but Ablesemen still
hadn't had all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order.
And so this concluded the evening's excitement.....or did it?
Epilogue - Good Samaritans
Bluebird
and the Pig were, comme d'habitude, last to leave the On-Down. But what
was this before us? Not very far down Pit Hill Road we recognised a
couple of Hashers' cars pulled over to the side of the road. What was
going on?
We
had encountered a young lady in some distress. Perhaps drug related?
An ambulance had been called and Smellie's was comforting an obviously
distressed young woman - probably only 15 or 16. Such a shame. But well
done Hashers. You all have a heart of gold. We all care about each
other and those we know. It is a true sign of a decent human being to
care about those we don't know. Maybe there's a little bit of the
Samaritan in all of us? We hope the young woman is now on the road to
recovery.
Well done.
Birdlogue
Back
at the watering hole, Bobby finally arrived after his off-trail
meander and persuaded me that it was definitely my round.
Yes,
I recall it now, you bought me a pint on my birthday and then drank it
for me. Bobby asked when the next Tunas' gig was and the talk turned
to music. Der Rottenfuhrer then bet me £1000 that Johnny Cash didn't
sing Ghost Riders in the Sky. Sorry Bob, take a look at this link and
weep:
I'll take a cheque, Bob.
Thank
you Able and Slip on Me for the trail. Several sections I had never
seen before and what a shrewd move it was wearing trousers in the
stinger alley.
Hasta la vista, baby!
Next week
Next week's Hash is not, as previously advertized from the Wolborough Inn, Newton Abbot but from Hash HQ, the Park Inn with Hare Shitfaced.....and friend?
On-On to next week.
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