SNAKES AND LADDERS IN THE VINEYARD - WITH JUST A HINT OF ENTRAPMENT

 Run #1983 Monday 21st August 

from Sandridge Barton, the home of Sharpham wine

Hare: Pisswell

(Tune for trail Red, Red wine, UB40)

As I said to Man-Pig, this is an all singing, all dancing, read it on the toilet when you have a cup of tea or (maybe even a meal) type of words! As the UB40 song is incredibly long and so was this hash! 

As this is a bit Epic, please leave comments if you have been left out or weren’t there, (Coldtits.) So this is a rough idea of the evening with the right facts possibly, but not necessarily in the right order!

Who woz there?

Bluebird in spirit, minus puncture

Bobby ball, late comer 

Returnee - Only here for the wine/beer!

Sat Nav, Shitfaced, ManPig, Forrest stump and Perry, Archangel, Zoot, Hotlips and son (what’s your real name, Ollie?) Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgie, Erection and smaller Erection, Wet Johnny and son and friend, Beefy, Strap on, Strap dancer, Mateus Rose, Slip on me, Fukarwe, Wetfart, Pisswell, Piddler, Ernie, 

Libby and Paddy, (soon to be renamed), Beeflicker, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers, Popeye and partner ( sorry unsure of name?), Rise and shine, Twiggy, Fallen woman and U-bend.

The circle

GM Shitfaced asked people what was happening tonight that had never happened before with TVH3. Little did he know that by the end of the evening, he would have not known the answer to his own question! At that point, it was that we had parked in an undercover car park.

Subs were asked for. Forrest had obliged. Still haven’t seen the money, Forrest! 

Smelly was asked about up-coming hares required. Can’t remember what she said! ? End of Sept.

Beefy reminded of next week's Staverton beer festival hash and to please bring food to share at the railway.

The hares

Pisswell and Libby, leaving Paddy, the fireman attending the fire. 

Pisswell welcomed everyone  to Sandridge Barton winery and vineyard. Our hosts for the evening were her daughter Libby, in training to be a wino and her boyfriend Paddy, who passed out long ago in wine, and who both work there.  They would be giving us a short wine tasting on our return and had tweaked our down downs to make them more interesting!

Annie was chief chef for the night with limited ingredients, which we would ask a donation for. Beer/ cider maybe £2, donations for bacon butties.

Pisswell reminded that there are, of course, no rules in hashing but for the night, we had only  two rules for the vineyard.

1 To keep on trail at all times. This is a working farm and we were to be running through crops yet to be harvested. We already had had to reroute due to the bleating sheep in the orchard and a worried farmer. So dogs under control, and please be respectful of holiday-makers staying in the buildings. 

2. If you wanted to survive this game of snakes and ladders, you have to comply with moving sweetie stops. ( A la Melonpicker at a previous hash). So if you got offered a sweetie stop, you must take it or it will affect your mileage and you will live to regret it!  If you were asked to “ shake” please do so and do not move forward until instructed.

The route was about 5m for everyone. Everyone was wished good luck and may the best man win!

The start

First shake to walkers, who went with Paddy to their first sweetie stop and a ride up the road to the vineyard. Our cunning plan for the second shake was to then gather the FRBs and take them back the mile to restart!

Meanwhile, Libby in the smaller gator would keep the group together by offering sweetie stops, whilst Paddy returned to prep the wine tasting.

The route: Red Red Wine sing a long

https://youtu.be/2DTrMa-r56Y

Red, red wine goes to my head

Makes me forget that I’ve, a  great place to show 

Red, red wine, it's up to you

Here at Sandridge Barton 

Winery to - vineyard you go

I'd have sworn that this time

Old hash rules leave my head

There's just two, Keep on trail.

There's one more, please don’t forget!

Red, red wine, no choice of three

Don't let me hear you moan

We’re all on the same, my great plan.

All must have, sweety stops

Moving stop is what I said 

If you’re slow, there's a lift

Just one stop gets you ahead!

Red, red wine, Pad in safari truck

Gets you past all the longs 

FRBs depart, back to the start

Red red wine, vineyard is oh so fine

Play snakes and ladders, all of the time

Red red wine, which row is the right one?

A million dollar question to which way you will run.   

Red red wine, you make it look so mad

Doing checks down the row, it make me feel bad

Red red wine, the fields all look so fine

Gatter cheating shortcut, eating sweets saves time! 

Red red wine, words give me whole heap to sing

Forgot the tune? then just do your own thing!

Red red wine, the quay I  know you will love

On to the boat house you can see in from above

Red red wine, you can jump into the Dart

Wrestle gators, don’t let it stop your heart

Red red wine inna Dundee style

Red red wine inna rolling croc style

Yeah

Give me a likkle time, let me clear up my mind

Give me a shorter song, going mad, far too long

Give me red wine, kind growing on the vine

You run me through lines all of the time

Red red wine, in and out the vines

Libby helps on gatter, pon the sweetie line

Wine gums choke, the gater get broke

One bad hasher fought the croc and he got soaked!

Red red wine, I'm gonna show you the view

Run up and down, I know yuh love to do

Red red wine, I'm sure for Dittisham you’ll die 

Get view of the Dart, and that's no lie

Red red wine, can't get lane out my mind

When you jump the tree, that you’ll surely find

You'll surely find, find the track, just go back

Give me a little time, let me get 'em back on time

Give me a little sign, winerys where we’ll find

Paddy makes wine, treading grapes from the vine

We make him make wine all of the time

Red red wine, Paddy makes such good wine

Don’t look back and ease up on the sweet deadline

The line broke, the gator get choked

It won’t cost us nothing eating cheese with these notes

Red red wine, you really know how to love

Your kind of tasting like a wine thief from above

Red red wine, I loved Bacchus from the start

Right past pino, Madeline won my heart

Red red wine, we too posh to do down downs 

Whole heap of beers round the fire we have found

Downing beer inna hashing style

Bacon butties, all in a while

Yeah

We trod on grapes to make some down down wine!

We used the wine thief, it looked so fine

Red red wine, a thanks before you dash

I owe a million dollars to our hosts of the hash 

Lib and Pad, this song has sent me mad

Play the music as you sing, it won’t seem so bad!!!

The Downdowns

Again, not particularly correct and not necessarily in the right order!

Sorry to all the people who couldn’t wait any longer, but after the cheese, biscuits and wine tasting, and a spot of optional shopping, we burnt a bit of bacon for bacon butties and it all took quite a while.) 

Well done, Forrest, Archangel and Annie, thank you for your help. I must add that I did wash my hands after picking up the stinking sheep skull. It even spooked me, and we had put it there, in the lit up lime kiln! 

Luckily , when I shut all the gates and was tidying up, I had my crocodile from the quay, to defend me. Anyway, food over and then the buckets were prep’d for our first grape treading.

 

Forrest and ManPig shared RA duties and asked for details of misdemeanours. Wet Johnny missed a down down for crocodile wrestling at the Quay. In fact , slicing the croc open later, it was actually Ernie, or did he go home early? All I know was that it was Smellie! Or was WJ in trouble for his ( please be respectful around the holiday lets), shouting Erection?  Zoot also unknowingly missed a down down, for ignoring the hare, I might add! 

Beefy gained a down down himself for “ dobbing,” I think. And then we waited and waited. We washed his feet in icy water, he trod the squishy grapes and then his juices were collected to make a dirty beer , delivered courtesy of the wine thief! A delightful lack of singing accompanied this down down! 

Smellie was next up for constantly asking about the mileage, despite knowing the rules of the sweetie stops. A quick wash, sharing juices of the sexy foot bath and wine treading with Beefy, she drank to a serenade from Archangel, which I think he made up so we were unable to join in!

Next was the hare, who tried to fob it off to daughter Libby unsuccessfully. She lost most of it down her front, following a chorus of “ hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy”. The hare returned afterwards to stand in the bucket again, she was then awarded her 200th hash badge award along with “ get a life, get a life, get a life, life, life”!

As (I think) a thanks for their hard efforts, next was a naming, more grapes trod and wine thief down down to Libby, now to be known as Cheesy Nipples! (sorry Lib). Paddy, was named in far more ceremony by ManPig, as Cheesy Helmet! We all had had so such better ideas for names, especially for a part time fireman!

Can’t remember the songs, if at all, as all was forgotten after two renditions of happy birthday to Mrs Campbell ( Bluebird's Mum). Beefy unfortunately forgot to press record on his phone. I’m not sure which version was worse but at 101, I hope she doesn’t care!

Thanks so much for all the help and for everyone “going with the flow” as it was a bit unusual, to put it mildly! And thanks particularly to the Cheesy pair, who made it such a beautiful night to remember. Please come and join us soon hashing, Cheesies. (and I promise Paddy, no more cheesy jokes! ) Next one will be without the hard work. 

This was a real privilege, so I am putting a link in case anyone would like to come again, buy wine or help with harvesting this year. They’re a great team. 

Sandridge Bartonhttps://sandridgebarton.comSandridge Barton

On on to next week at Staverton railway beer festival. Don’t forget to bring food to share. 

PIsswell x