TVH3 The Words for 11th September 2023

 

Tinkley Bottom, Trusham

 

Run No. 1986

 

HARE: Forrest-Stump (Birthday boy)

 

Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Mucking Fuddle, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Beeflicker, Only Here for the Beer, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgy, Smellie, Coldtits, Ablesemen, Wetfart, Ernie, Fukarewe, Melon Picker, Soapy, Arkangel, Palmolive, Beefy, Pisswell, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Manopause & Rearender (On-down only)

 

Circle

Shitfaced welcomed all to Tinkley Bottom - a place, not an affliction!

 

There were no announcements from Shitfaced, so over to Man-Pig for an update on Winfield's funeral. Details have been posted on the TVH3 Facebook page but, just to recap:

 

The funeral: this will take place at Exeter Crematorium on Monday 18th September at 2.30pm

Charitable donations in lieu of flowers to either or both of the following charities: Singing for the Brain and/or Riverside Memory Cafe (Memory Lane Cafe, The Riverside Centre, Manor Grounds, Dawlish EX7 9AJ  PLEASE NOTE - FUNERAL POSTPONED

 

 

The Wake will be at the Langstone Cliff Hotel, Dawlish. This is where Winfield celebrated his 70th birthday which many will recall. ALSO POSTPONED

Dress code: no dress code is specified in the Order of Service. Winfield's love of the Hash extended to his daughter (Gobbler), son-in-law (Sparky), son (Dan) and even grandson almost straight after he was born (Point 4). Accordingly, I would suggest that wearing a hash related item at the Wake might be appropriate. For those attending the funeral, I would suggest dressing appropriately out of respect. If I hear any differently, I will let everyone know via the Facebook page.

 

As the funeral is taking place on a Monday, Beefy has kindly agreed to defer his birthday hash at Widecombe to a later date. The current plan is that an ad hoc trail will be run (but not necessarily laid) in Dawlish after the Wake. PLEASE NOTE VENUE CHANGE - MONDAY 18TH HASH NOW FROM THE PARK INN

 

Pisswell updated us on Teapot who remains at Torbay Hospital and is still undergoing tests. Beefy and Pisswell saw him on Thursday. He is a little frustrated that there is no firm diagnosis, but otherwise he is in relatively good spirits. Sally (Desperate Housewife) has asked if Hashers wishing to visit Teapot could contact her first at beavercottage@hotmail.co.uk.

 

Smellie needed Hares for two dates in October. I think Beefy has offered to reschedule his birthday hash to accommodate one of those slots.

 

The Trail

The Teign Valley is a beautiful part of Devon and, without the Hash, most of us would be blissfully unaware of what it has to offer. The Hare's instructions were brief. The Walkers' could be as short as a half mile. The Longs' about 5 miles, and the Shorts' anything in between as there were five Long/Short splits!

 

With that, the Walkers were sent down Forrest's driveway whilst the Longs' and the Shorts' commenced with a lap around Forrest's meadow. The trail led straight across the end of Forrest's drive and along the route of the old railway line for 200 yards. The trail then bore right and up to above the flooded quarry to a lovely viewpoint, now safely fenced off. It has been a long, long time since we were up here.

Shortly after leaving the viewpoint, we all got slightly off trail. Some had crossed a stile into a field, others remained in woodland. Still no marks. Then a cry of "On-On" as a check had been located just the other side of a five bar gate. Up or down? The Pig checked uphill and scouted around a newly planted woodland plantation....only one mark.

 

Eventually, a call from down below in the valley where we picked up the trail at the Walkers/Long & Short split at the entrance to Whetcombe Barton.

 

The Walkers returned to chez Forrest to kick-off the barbecue whilst the Longs and the Shorts ascended a broad track up towards the edge of Trusham.

 

Before reaching the road, a Long/Short split had the Longs' divert into and around a field before rejoining the aforementioned track. 100 yards later, we were on the road at the edge of Trusham and at the second Long/Short split. Here, the Shorts had the opportunity to drop down the road and straight back to the On-Down. Otherwise it was head for Trusham and the first of three checks in a row.

 

Beefy went to check left at the first check. Beeflicker checked right at the second check which would have led to the dreaded ravine. Man-Pig checked straight ahead and came to a check outside White Cottage. The Pig decided to check up Church Lane and did, indeed, find two dots and an arrow. The fly in the ointment was that the arrow was pointing the wrong way.

 

Ernie had caught up so we decided to do the trail in reverse. We dropped down a footpath towards the road near the Cridford Inn. This was only to find another Long/Short split.

 

Up and into the woods it was, heading towards Shortridge and Bramble Bridge via the upper footpath. The Pig experienced a feeling of deja vu. This was the trail that he had laid for South Hams hash a fortnight earlier. Well, at least he knew where he was going. However, this time it was dark and torches were a must.

 

The eerie peacefulness of the deja vu experience was then shattered by a careering Wet-Johnny. "I need to get past. I can't stop". Ernie and the Pig heaved too in order to let the trail blazing FRB past. This was just before reaching the final split of the evening. We all went Long.

 

We could hear Wet-Johnny calling "On-On" below us but, nevertheless, the next two checks had not been kicked out. Ernie and Beefy were aghast. This was a crime against Hashing. The Pig, assuming that this was a repeat of the SH4 trail, correctly kicked out the trail straight ahead. In fairness, wet-Johnny was still calling but the calls were becoming fainter. He was on a mission to get back to the barbecue before Manopause and Erection had scoffed the lot.

 

The Pig led the remainder of the pack though a small gate which lay near the last Long/Short split. We were now out of the woods and venturing into scrubland.

 

The trail meandered upwards and finished at the end of Church Lane. This is where we came across the arrow that we had first encountered from the other direction on the outward trail. It looked pretty clear that we would now be rejoining the Shorts' trail all the way back to Tinkley Bottom. And so it proved to be but all was not straightforward.

 

We would now be running through the three checks that we'd previously run through but on a reciprocal bearing. Of course, they would now all be kicked out in the "wrong direction". The Pig was now on his own. He did his best to remark checks with twigs and a red dog lead. The Hare had forgotten to mention that parts of the out and back trail were shared and this led to a bit of confusion.

 

Eventually, all were back safely to avail themselves of Forrest's excellent hospitality. With ale distributed and the BBQ sizzling away, it was over to Man-Pig to commence the Down-Downs.

 

Down-Downs

"What did we think of the trail?" Cheers all round.

 

First up to give an award was Archangel. He had had the Turkish wedding hat (for about 6 months!). A story of downright perverse goings-on in the Teign Valley unfurled. Forrest had lured Pisswell and Archangel up to the Teign Valley last Tuesday on the pretence of recce'ing tonight's trail. Upon arriving they found no maps, no flour, no sawdust not even a pair of trainers. What confronted them was a man in a rubber suit. Oh dear.

 

Not only that. He also had a boat. This was going to be some trail. And so it was. From Tinkley Bottom to Coombe Cellars. Was this going to be another inflatable Hash?

 

Forrest was going to receive a note for the "rubber fettishest". However, being his birthday, he got away with all the right notes - but not necessarily in the right order.

 

Next was Ernie. Poor Ernie had been trying to give away the Hashshit shirt for three weeks. Last week it was like a boomerang and came back to him in under three minutes. Initially, Ernie's gaze turned towards Smellie.

 

"Have you ever had the Hashshit shirt three times in a row?"

"Err, maybe?" uttered a surprised Ellie.

"Well, tonight's your lucky night!"

A look of unbridled astonishment from Smellie.

"You're not going to get the shirt".

 

There were, nevertheless, three other contenders for the shirt. Pisswell for cycling up on her own at the far end of the meadow. Wet-Johnny for failing to kick out checks and Beefy for his complete incredulity when stating, "Checks not kicked out. This will never do".

 

A vote was called for with Wet-Johnny winning by a mile. He got the shirt but not the Down-Down as he was driving. A nomination was not needed as Manopause attained the highest speed of the evening as he rushed forward to dispatch the Down-Down in pretty swift order.

 

Forrest then awarded Beefy the final Down-Down for not doing anything wrong. Perhaps it was in recognition of Beefy's willingness to reschedule his birthday Hash? A note for "the innocent one".

The official Down-Downs may have been awarded but that was not the end of the Down-Downs. There was a badge to award. But first Hashers had to guess the number of runs on the badge. Eventually, Fukarewe guessed 500 runs correctly. Forrest's guesses of 1 and 69 were disqualified. But who had attained such esteem? None other than our host for the evening, Forrest Stump. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

The evening concluded with us all raising our glasses to salute a gentleman and stalwart of the Hash. RIP Winfield X

 

Next week

VENUE CHANGE - NOW FROM THE PARK INN, KINGSKERSWELL

On-On to next week.