TVH3 The Words for 16th October 2023
Royal British Legion, Newton Abbot
Run No. 1991
HARE: Beeflicker & Jane (now Squeaky Bum)
Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Smellie,
Big End, Well Hopped, Melonpicker, Soapy, Palmolive, Strap-On,
Strap-Dancer, Fukarewe, Beefy, Coldtits, Wet Johnny, Manopause,
Erection, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio & U-Bend (circle only).
Circle
A
phonecall to U-Bend advised that Shitfaced would not be in attendance
this evening. In Shitfaced's absence, U-Bend made a special journey into
Newton Abbot as stand-in RA. Seeing as U-Bend wasn't running, or hanging
around for a beer, this was dedication.....or, maybe he was popping into
Motomart to buy an indicatator bulb?
Smellie
had slots available for Hares from 22 November onwards. She also needed
numbers for food; simple fare, pasties (cheese & onion or meat) or
sausage rolls. These needed to be ordered before the run.
Beefy
put in a plug for next week's Hash at the Church House,
Widecombe-in-the- Moor. Due to yakking in the Circle the pack very
nearly didn't get to hear the most important information regarding next
week's Hash, "Free food and donations for bottled beer". Fantastic.
Eventually,
we got around to hearing from the Hare who, this week, was being ably
assisted by Jane. In established Hash fashion the pack was treated to,
well, err, a pack of lies:
"If you're doing the Long you may get wet feet. But there is an option to use a bridge" - porkie pie!
There was an implied suggestion that those on the Shorts would not, therefore, be getting wet feet - porkie pie!
"Longs will be about 6.5 miles" - lie. Well, actually this might have been true but my elderly Garmin only recorded 4.57 miles.
"There is a Shorts' trail" - true.
Walkers' trail - I wasn't listening.
The Trail
Time
and tide wait for no man. Oh, how true. Something that King Canute found
out to his cost. In the intervening 1200 years or so, it appears that
the lesson hasn't been learned. Read on Dear Hasher....or should that be
swimmer?
The
trail took us out of the Cricketfield car park and right towards the
firestation. A check at the Memorial Hall had the pack climbing the
steep steps behind the Hall.
Half-way up the steps was the Walkers'/Long
& Shorts' split with the Walkers turning right and down a different
set of steps. The Longs and the Shorts carried on up the steps to
another check.
The trail went right and across a road and then along
Seymour Road eventually dropping down onto the roundabout near Knowles
Hill School.
At this point, Man-Pig was leading the pack with Beefy and
Fukarewe in hot pursuit. Another check had us going right and downhill
to the roundabout near the new Newton Abbot hospital.
The trail then
took us onto the footpath beside the Stover canal. This is where we
encountered a large number of head torches heading towards us.
"How
on earth did the Walkers get in front of us?" I thought. Bong! Wrong. It was
the Teignbridge Trotters who clearly didn't expect anyone to be on the
same path as them at that time of night. We all heaved to as they
rampaged through.....path hogs!
The Long/Short split came where the
footpath meets the Exeter Road. The Shorts returned towards Newton Abbot
on the narrower footpath on the other side of the redundant railway
line. For the Longs, however, it was virgin territory. Bravo!
Arrows
had us climb up and over walls and onto the railway line. The Longs'
were only four strong: Beefy, Man-Pig, Fukarewe and Beeflicker.
Fortunately, Man-Pig and Beefy both have PTS* cards so we guided our
non-PTS colleagues across concrete sleepers, washed out ballast
(obviously not of the glued variety), around fallen trees, through
out-of-control buddleia and along the edges of unsafe safe-cesses. All
very interesting.
At Teigngrace, we were treated to some nostalgia in the
form of a restored vintage motorcycle. After some bike chat, we were on
our way again and a check on the cycle path.
We headed south for only a
few yards before another check. Now we traversed two fields to arrive at
the banks of the River Teign.
Man-Pig
had missed an arrow, and was on a mission back to Exeter Road only to be
called back. Fukarewe had found the arrow that marked the river
crossing. We could also see a mark on the opposite bank. Wet feet time
beckoned...or did it?
"How deep is it?" Fukarewe asked the Hare.
"I don't know. I used the bridge 50 yards up there", pointing northwards.
The not so brave, FRBs elected for the bridge.....woolybacks all of them, but dry woolybacks nevertheless.
The
trail now followed the east bank of the Teign south to the Exeter Road
where we rejoined the Shorts. After 3/4 mile, we came upon a perplexed
Beefy who was looking forlornly at a mark. It was an arrow pointing down
into the bottom of the Stover Canal. Another mark was on the far bank.
Being a canal, it should have come as no surprise that it contained
water. However, it was most certainly a surprise to the Hare.
"There wasn't any water there when I laid it....and it hasn't been raining!"
"Well,
there's water there now." Looking at the weed growth in the canal, it
was difficult to ascertain how deep and muddy the crossing would be. It
looked at least 8 inches but it could have been 18 inches. We all agreed
to remain dry and follow the path back to Jetty Marsh roundabout. It
wasn't far now, and we would have dry trainers if we wanted to go running
tomorrow. It was a sensible decision - especially in the dark. So off
we trotted, smug in our warm, dry trainers.
The
smugness and warmth evaporated within 150 yards. Before us the tow path
was flooded. We were heading back to Newton Abbot on a flood tide,
albeit a neap tide. Initially, we were running through 2 inches of water.
Then 4 inches. Then 6 inches and then we were back on terra firma. That
wasn't too bad. Then another stretch of flooded path...maybe 8 inches
deep at best. Having cleared that stretch of water it was only 200 yards
to Jetty Marsh roundabout. At least it would be dry as our feet were
now getting decidedly chilly. Bugger, spoke too soon, the last 150 yards
maxed out at 14 inches deep.
At
the roundabout, the trail took us over the pedestrian crossing before
dropping back down onto the tow path. All was dry......for about 80
yards. We almost ground to a halt as the water's depth rose to 18
inches. Man-Pig had hitched up his shorts like a little girl. His
knackers weren't going to get any closer to the freezing water if he
could help it.
Just behind the Avenue, a concrete ramp afforded a dry
escape route from the rapidly rising tide. Beeflicker called time on the
final leg of original trail and we bailed out for the short, squidgy
run back to the Cricketfield car park.
What
a thoroughly enjoyable run. This was made all the more enjoyable by the
unexpected tidal conditions, and virgin territory to boot. Excellent.
Well done Beeflicker and Jane.
Down-Downs
The
Royal British Legion made us very welcome. I think this is the first
time that we have run from here. At the bar, the talk was all about the
last leg of the trail. The Shorts had made it almost to the tunnel under
the railway line not too far from Tuckers Maltings.
By this time, they were in at least 18 inches of water and it was
impossible to identify where the tow path stopped and the canal started.
They all, sensibly, had turned back. The Longs would have been about 20
minutes behind them and it was a rapidly rising tide. Had we continued, I
think we would have found ourselves in deep water [sic].
Forest-Stump
had, at least, partially recovered from last week's double jab. Hence
he assumed RA duties for the evening. He commenced by thanking the pub
for the beer (which Smellie had hastily arranged on the night) so a big
"Thankyou" to the RBL.
First
up was Fukarewe to give away his Jester's hat. this went to the Hare
for an excellent trail on virgin, if somewhat illegal, territory.
Beeflicker got a half pint of very cold Tetleys ale accompanied by
"Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy...."
Forest-Stump
suggested that an early naming might be in order. Apparently, before the
trail, the co-hare had admitted to having got very sweaty when laying
the trail earlier in the day. So sweaty in fact that the cheeks of her
bum were squeaking. We didn't even need a vote on the name. Man-Pig had
Jane on her knees whilst he ordained her (and Perry) with liberal
amounts of Holy Water. Henceforth, Jane will now be known as "Squeaky
Bum".
Man-Pig
had the Baby Bat Hat from last week. Given the porkies emanating from the
circle regarding "opportunities for a dry alternative", the Pig awarded
the baby Bat Hat to Beeflicker. This was ostensibly for not having consulted
the tide tables for a run along a tidal estuary. Appropriately, the
Down-Down was water.
Beefy
had the Checking Chicken Hat. You may recall that yakking in the
Circle interrupted Beefy's briefing for next week's run. Who was the
guilty party? Hot Lips who was having difficulty with his R's...unable
to distinguish "one" from "run".
Erection
had the, unwashed, Hashshit shirt. This he awarded to Fukarewe who has a
nice new hybrid BMW. Apparently, you can talk to it and it will do what
you ask. Amazing. This is much more responsive than a wife. Hence the
Down-Down was accompanied by, "Get a wife. Get a wife, wife, wife".
There was still a half pint of ale to go but no awards. Are there any stories?
Beeflicker piped up with a story of absent-mindedness. Despite having
run from the Cricketfield car park three times this year, Smellie had phoned
Beeflicker to ask, "Where is the Cricketfield car park?" In fairness,
she was asking on Piltdown Man's behalf as he was the driver. Piltdown
stepped up to drink his very cold beer very slowly.
Next week
Next
week's Hash is Beefy's delayed birthday hash. The On-Down is NOT AT A
PUB. It is at the Church House which is next to the large car park in
Widecombe-in-the-Moor. Beefy is providing free home cooked food. If his
flan and flap jacks are anything to go by, it will be very good fare.
Bring cash for a donation towards the bottled beers.
On-On to next week.
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