TVH3 The Words for 9th October 2023

Cockhaven Arms, Bishopsteignton

 

Run No. 1990

 

HARE: Well Hopped

 

Who wuz there: Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Forest-Stump, Beeflicker, Beeflicker's lady friend, Jane, (returnee), Smellie, Melonpicker, Soapy, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Wetfart, Fukarewe, Beefy, Pisswell, Big End, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio, Piddler, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose, Twiggy, Polyfella, Forrest, Arkangel & very athletic looking virgins who are friends of Well Hopped.

 

Circle

Shitfaced welcomed the pack to an unseasonably warm car park at the Cockhaven Arms. We had one returnee (Beeflicker's friend, Jane). She was welcomed back with the usual liberal dosing of flour over what looked like a pair of new white tennis shoes. The GM was somewhat more polite with our virgins as they did not get the full flour initiation treatment. The virgins are all friends of Well Hopped and comprised 4 young athletic looking potential FRB's and, I hazard a guess, Mum & Dad?

 

After welcoming our svelte-like visitors, it was over to Wetfart for an update on Teapot. He is in better spirits but still not eating and losing weight. He has had more tests done but our illustrious NHS is still somewhat befuddled as to exactly what ails him. On the upside, Wetfart had spoken with Teapot and he is delighted with his card and the chocolates from TVH and he sends his thanks. We all wish him a successful diagnosis and to welcoming him back soon.

 

Smellie already has a Hare for 4th November but needs Hares going forward from that date.

Rumours abounded about a 14 miles trail. The pack turned a whiter shade of pale. Then the Hare came to the rescue with some pre-run clarity.

 

"Yes. I did do 14 miles this morning but the trail isn't 14 miles".

 

Thank goodness.

 

"The Walkers' is only about 1.5; Shorts' about 4 and Longs' about 6.5".

 

There was also some mention of marks being on the left apart from when they were on the right. If they are on both sides of the road you are on an out and back trail etc.

 

The Trail

The trail took us right, out of the car park, and downhill to an early Walkers & Short/Long split. Longs went right and uphill. Then left into a car park and along the edge of a park and play area. Bear left, through some undergrowth and out onto the Newton Road. 

 

From here, the trail crossed the Newton Road and onto a broad track at the edge of two fields. This took us onto the foreshore of the Teign estuary. We have done this part of the trail before on a Piltdown Man trail. From memory, I think that this is where there used to be a WW1 convalescent hospital.

 

At this point, the Longs had caught up with, and overtaken, the Walkers. Fortunately it was low tide and an arrow had us head east over the slippery shells, weed and pebbles. It wasn't long before another arrow had us going left and due north.

 

Beeflicker was leading the Longs with Beefy in hot pursuit. We turned right along the Newton Road passing Strap-On and Smellie. Then it was a left turn and up Church Street and another Walkers/Long & Shorts' split. The Walkers were now heading directly to the bar!

 

For the Longs and the Shorts it was up Shute Hill and Radway Hill before turning right along Coombe Way (I am sure we ran along Coombe way on a Polyfella hash but I may be mistaken) and then left, over a small stream, and along a short track to Ashhill Farm.

 

This is the juncture at which Man-Pig lost illumination. It was also the Long/Short split. Try as he could, the Pig could not get his torch to function. Fukarewe came to the rescue by offering his head torch as he was only doing the Short and this would be on road all the way back to the pub. The Longs, however, would definitely need a torch as there was quite a bit of off road with a lot of tree roots to contend with.

 

Man-Pig and Big End said goodbye to Wet-Johnny and Fukarewe as they ran down Old Wallis Hill and back into Bishopsteignton. Man-Pig and Big End had a big climb in front of them as they commenced the slog up Old Wallis Hill towards Little Haldon. We had lost quite a bit of time whilst the Pig failed to mend his torch. As such, there was absolutely no chance of us catching the FRB's who comprised Beeflicker, Beefy and Polyfella.

 

Just before the golf course, the trail went left and then immediately left again through a small car park. I recognised where we were. We were now on the pathway that runs past the picnic area where Bobbiball had his birthday drink stop two years ago. We could hear Beefy calling "On-On" ahead of us so we weren't that far behind.

 

Soon we were at the top of the public footpath near Higher Radway Farm. This is the point at which we've had a beer stop on a previous Big End/Well Hopped trails. I also recall an alcoholic sweetie stop here about 3 years ago where we sampled iPoo's treats.....lovely.

 

It was going to be all downhill from here (well, nearly). The trail now followed the public footpath across a steep field and down a footpath with a couple of stiles.

 

The footpath takes us back into Bishopsteignton on Teignview Road. From there it was right and uphill towards the cemetery. But, before the cemetery, an arrow had us turning left and down an alleyway.

We crossed Murley Crescent and followed the very well marked trail down another alleyway. Finally, we zigzagged around some housing estates in parts of Bishopsteignton that I've never seen before to arrive back at the Cockhaven Arms.

 

The last long loop had been a real leg stretcher and I really enjoyed it. So my thanks to Fukarewe for the use of his torch and to Big End for staying with me.

 

Down-Downs

The original plan, if there ever had been a plan, was for Forrest-Stump to undertake the RA'ing for the evening; a break from the interminable Man-Pig. 

 

Regrettably, Forrest was feeling pretty poorly after having had both his flu jab and covid jabs earlier in the day. Hence he bailed out early. Step-in the Pig. Other absentees included Georgie Porgy and Piltdown Man who have tested positive for covid.

 

It has been a long time since we were last at the Cockhaven Arms (Cockhaven Manor prior to 2016). The pub had been kind enough to provide us with the Down-Downs so a big "Thankyou" to the pub.

So, "What did we think about the 14 miles trail?". Cheers all round. I think Well Hopped can take that as a resounding approval. It was certainly a well marked and interesting trail.

 

There appears to be group amnesia affecting the Hash recently. A lot of former sinners are arriving at the Hash but without their awards from previous weeks. Where are they all going? It would appear that the Bermuda Triangle of disappearing awards is centred around the Tinkley Bottom area of the Teign Valley.

 

Over the years, numerous awards have disappeared into the ether only to resurface at Tinckley Bottom. The original Checking Chicken hat had a 4 year sojourn under Wood-Lend's bed. 

 

The Horse's Head hat must have been stabled there over winter as, when it reappeared, it was chewing straw. More recently, two, rarely seen, awards had flown in to roost during Forrest's recent non firework hash. These comprised the Checking Chick hat and the Baby Bat hat. Initially, they had chosen an AA van to perch on and subsequently relocated to roost on a Range Rover wing mirror.

 

The latest Award to go Walkabout was the Hashshit shirt. In the Hashshit shirt's case, as long as it doesn't get anywhere near a washing machine there won't be a penalty to incur....Wet-Johnny.

And so it was that Wet Johnny (sans Hashshit shirt) came forward to name and shame the first sinner of the evening.

 

Earlier in the evening, Forrest had been trying to return some lost property that had been found at Tinkley Bottom. This was a battery pack - but there were no takers. Wet Johnny continued on the battery theme to enquire as to exactly what electrical device could be so important as to compel a Hasher's spouse to pilfer the batteries from a Hasher's torch?

 

Step forward Man-Pig who had a torch malfunction earlier in the trail (not as a result of stolen batteries I might add). Well, actually, it was a leg malfunction that resulted in said torch making contact with concrete. The outcome was not good. No illumination and a horizontal Pig. That'll teach you to save power by turning off your torch when you think you're running on a nice level surface, Mr Pig!

Man-Pig got the Baby Bat hat and a half pint of ale. Songmeister Pork Torpedo was in attendance and led the chant that accompanied the Down-Down.

 

Next up was Fukarewe who had also forgotten his award from last week. It was so warm when he drove into the Cockhaven Arms car park that he had his windows down. This enabled him to overhear a fellow Hasher say, "Here's Fukarewe. He'll get lost in the car park!" So, who was this critic of the directionally challenged? Beefy, come on down to don the Checking Chicken hat.

 

The Songmeister piped up with, "I don't want to join the army....."

 

No more tales but there is a 300 run badge to award. Lots of guesses all round: Piddler, Smellie - No. It is Wet-Johnny. Congratulations. Another tune from our Songmeister.

 

The final half and it had to go to our Hare for her sterling efforts; over a half marathon covered and all for the benefit of TVH3. Thankyou. But! Could there be anyone else even more (un)deserving? What sort of a man sends his girlfriend out to lay a 14 mile trail on her own? Step forward Big End and take your punishment - again accompanied by a PT ditty.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at the Royal British Legion, Newton Abbot (near the Cricket Field car park). The Hare is Beeflicker. Scoff is around the £10-12 mark but this does include a free drink.

 

On-On to next week.