TVH3 The Words for 6th November 2023

 

The King William IV, Totnes  

Run No. 1994

HARE: Wet-Johnny

Who wuz there: Wet-Johnny, Shitfaced (circle only), Man-Pig, Pisswell, Melonpicker, Soapy, Palmolive, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Fukarewe, Ernie, Psycho, Warm Front, Piddler, Slip-on-Me, Arkangel, Coldtits, Ablesemen, Wetfart & returnees Camel Toe and Sugar Puff.

Circle

Shitfaced called the Circle to order. Shitfaced's main query was, "This year Christmas Day falls on a Monday. Is anyone interested in a Christmas Day Hash - morning or afternoon?" No pubs are likely to be open in the evening. Something for the Circle to ponder over the next 3 weeks.

Smellie needs hares from 20th November and Pisswell announced that the Hashshit shirt has spent the past week in her freezer. Something for some poor unfortunate to look forward to. In addition, Pisswell advised that almost £100 was raised for Winfield's charities at last week's Hash and that Hash funds would bump it upto £200. Well done Hashers.

Melonpicker had been in contact with Teapot by phone and offered us the following update. Teapot has lost 3 stone. He is now being ill after eating. However, he feels OK as long as he doesn't eat. He continues to have tests but still no diagnosis which is  fantastically frustrating. Nevertheless, he is looking forward to returning to the Hash and we all hope for a diagnosis, treatment and a return to the Hash asap. It will be good to have him back.

The Hare's description of the trail was brief: "There's a Long, Short and Walkers' trail".

The Trail

It had been dry all day and the forecast was for a dry run. What happened? As soon as Piddler got in his car it started to drizzle. The drizzle increased steadily over the course of the journey between Abbotskerswell and Totnes. By the time we'd Circled Up, the rain was really quite heavy. It looked like it would be a wet run. Fortunately, this proved not to be the case. Shortly after commencing the trail, the rain abated.

The first part of the trail was a zigzag around town. Initially down to the roundabout by Morrison's petrol station then towards the supermarket itself before jogging along the footpath that exits at the traffic lights and pedestrian crossing next to Brutus Bridge. Here there was a Walkers'/Long & Short split. 

 

For the Longs and the Shorts the trail took us under Brutus bridge and along the footpath on the southern bank of the River Dart and up to the weir. Fortunately, it was not a high spring tide (Beeflicker take note). Accordingly, no wet feet and no twisted ankles....the footpath up by the weir is a mat of roots and one has to take care so as not to end up on your bum (Smellie!).

By the weir the trail, which was very clearly marked, took us away from the river bank and to the bottom of the western bypass. By this time, I had caught up with Ernie and Fukarewe. Here we crossed the junction headed back towards town. 

 

The marks had us going down Malt Mill and then up Lower Collins Road towards the Norman motte and bailey castle. But the castle was not part of tonight's trail. At the top of town, the marks led us right and up Cistern Street, across the western bypass again and onto Harper's Hill. 

Oh dear, I knew what was coming....and so did the Walkers. Ahead lay a one mile ascent up a wide but eroded trackway. Coming towards me was torchlight. It was Wetfart, Slip-on-Me and Ablesemen. They'd had enough and were now making a beeline for the pub - sensible choice.

 

Unperturbed, Coldtits and Squeaky Bum had not bottled out. They were heading for the summit atop Windmill Down. This is one of the highest points surrounding Totnes at 151m but would it be the highest point of the trail....hopefully so.

Overtaking Coldtits and Squeaky Bum, I continued my slow ascent. Almost at its crest, I could hear calls of "On-On". Hmmm. Who were tonight's FRB's? Beeflicker certainly, and probably returnees Warm Front and Psycho...but, in Beefy's and Woodlend's  absence, would there be anyone else?

At the end of Harper's Hill, sure enough, there was a Walkers & Shorts/Long split. Crikey, the Walkers have done well if they've made it up here I thought. The calls that I'd heard a moment earlier had come from my right but there was no sign of Hashers or torchlight. Neither was there much chance of catching these three FRB's, or so I thought. 

 

I took the Longs' trail along Jackman's Lane. Just before the footpath that would take you down to the Dartington-Totnes Road, there is another public footpath on the opposite side of the lane....and an arrow. 

 

The path was muddy and slippery but not too wet considering the weekend's rainfall. Certainly nowhere near as slippery as last week's trail. I tiptoed slowly along the track not expecting to see another Hasher for the rest of the trail. However, at the end of the footpath, I come across two Harriets. But what were they doing? Warmfront has just returned from a seven month sabbatical travelling around Turkey, Armenia and Georgia. What I was unaware of was that this sabbatical had an arboricultural twist to it. 

 

Psycho and Warmfront had set about creating an artificial shrubbery in the middle of the road. Well, that's what it looked like to me. A smattering of large leafy branches which, they assured me, was an arrow. It didn't look too much like an arrow to me, nor Fukarewe and Ernie. However, on the upside, it had allowed me to catch up.

Beeflicker was running back from the left not having found any marks. I assured him that it would be left as we would, surely, be rejoining the Shorts. Backtracking, we eventually found marks and then an arrow taking us right and onto Green Lane. 

 

It wasn't long before we were crossing the Totnes-Harbetonford road at Gerston Farm and heading towards Bowden House. The running was pretty much on the level here but we had done a lot of climbing. Then a short respite as an arrow had us bear left and down to Wet-Johnny who was manning the sweetie-stop at Bowden Lodge.

The sweetie stop was also another split. Just as we left the sweetie stop , we could see torchlight coming down the hill whence we came a few minutes earlier. This would be Ernie and Fukarewe. 

 

The Walkers would continue down onto the western bypass and a simple downhill trot back to the On-Down. The Longs and the Shorts would follow the public footpath southeast towards the rear entrance to Bowden House. 

 

At the first junction, another Long/Short split. Here Man-Pig and Beeflicker caught up with Coldtits and Squeaky Bum for the second time. The Shorts trail was marked down to the left. My guess was that it joined up with Fishchowter's Lane to take the Shorts back into Totnes at Maudlin Road. For the Longs, it was a continuation along the footpath towards Higher Bowden until it meets with Totnes Down Hill. 

 

A little further, and a check had us climbing over a slate stile and onto another public footpath across two fields set high above Totnes. Behind us torchlight. This was the topiary twins who had stayed a little longer at the sweetie stop. The obligatory, "On-On" had all four of us on trail and crossing the first of two fields at what, by a mere single metre, was the highest point of the trail at 152m. Below us we could clearly see the lights of Totnes - note to self, we must do this trail in daylight!

Having crossed the two fields, we then found ourselves running along a short length of fenced pathway before dropping back onto Totnes Down Hill. This is a long and steep descent down to Moat Hill and the "On-Home". 

 

Behind us, out of sight, would be Ernie and Fukarewe and, I guessed, that this would be the sum total for those on the Longs. But I was mistaken. This used to be home turf for Smellie. Incredulously, she knew where she was at all times and enjoyed doing the Longs substantially on her own and without getting lost. A slow, but determined, Arkangel also managed the Longs without incident as did Pisswell.

What a lovely run!

Down-Downs

Back in the pub the King Bill had laid on a Hash menu. The landlord, Rob, had  passed on his apologies to the Hash for his absence. He had had to take his mum into hospital. I guess that was a pretty good reason not to be behind the bar, and we hope that it's nothing too serious and for a speedy recovery for Rob's Mum.

The pub had kindly donated beer for the Down-Downs so it was a "Thank you to the pub for the Hash scoff and the Down-Downs".

Now who had an award to give away?

Slip-on-Me had a rather wet Baby Bat hat. She also had a simple story of an inaccurate weather forecast. Not by Warmfront but by Piltdown Man. A note for the "Met office impersonator".

Next up was Pyscho. She's only been back a week and had already got a hat. She awarded the Horned hat to Beeflicker for doing a lot of checking.....all of it in the wrong direction! A note for "The FRB".

It was a great trail and one deserving of a Down-Down. The RA called up Wet-Johnny and asked the pack what they thought of the trail. The half of ale was almost, but not quite, offered to Wet-Johnny. 

 

At the last moment, the RA retracted his hand, saying, "Here is a glass of beer......that I'm not going to give you......for the trail". But he might hand over the beer if Wet-Johnny will turn around and bend over.

"What for?"

"In order that I can pin your 300th run badge on your arse!".......no one more deserving, especially on the occasion of his own trail. A chorus of "Get a life...." ensued.

The final award of the evening. Man-Pig starts by apologising to the Songmeister and affording him the opportunity to come up with a ditty to accompany the awarding of the Jester's hat. Man-Pig tells the story of the shittiest bum he'd ever seen on last week's trail.

"Is there anyone here who had to give their washing machine a good workout last week?"

Smellie was looking jolly sheepish. Psycho had witnessed the slo-mo event and described it to all gathered. To compound the issue, Piltdown Man further enlightened the hash as to how, when he'd got home after last week's hash, he had to clean the back seat of his new car. I'd make her walk from now on if I were you.

It looked like a slam dunk - but no. The final award had to go to Dumb and Dumber for the most appalling attempt at making an impromptu arrow that I have ever seen in 35 years of hashing.

"Which one of you isn't driving?"

Pyscho and Warmfront immediately point at each other. Ultimatel, it transpires that Warmfront is the driver and Pysho acquired her second hat within a week! The Songmeister piped up with, "R-sole, R-sole. A soldier I shall be......". Fantastic.

Next week

Next week's Hash is at Tucker's Malting tap house, Newton Abbot, with Hare Arkangel. I suspect that food will be available from take-away alley to bring back to the tap house.

On-On to next week.