TVH3 The Words for 11th December 2023

Court Farm, Abbotskerswell

Run No. 1999

 

A white-out of marks - and still the Walkers didn't make it to the sweetie stop!

 

HARES: Ernie, Strap-On & Strap Dancer

 

Who wuz there: Ernie, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Arkangel, Forrest Stump, Perry, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Soapy, Melonpicker Palmolive, Piddler, U-Bend, Fukarewe, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Beeflicker, Tamsin, Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped and returnee Bluebird.

 

Crash

Well, we had some pre-circle entertainment. A runaway car traversed the Court Farm car park and crashed into Cheerio Beerio's van. The runaway, unmanned Audi's rear offside bumper impacted on Cheerio's driver's side door. 

 

It was so surreal. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. It could have been a lot worse as Cheerio was just about to get out of the van. The car belonged to a non-hasher and details have been exchanged. This must be particularly upsetting for Cheerio as she'd only just had the other side of her van repaired earlier in the year.

 

Circle

The Circle was disrupted by more car choreography as three cars decided to leave the pub just as we commenced the Circle. All three were simultaneously reversing into the centre of the car park. Remarkably , no collisions, and a lady driver wound down her window to thank the Hash for dispersing for her. How kind.

 

Shitfaced reminded everyone that the Big One, Run 2000, was next week at The Kings Arms, Kingsteignton. Additionally, there would be no run on Christmas Day but there would be a run from the Park Inn on New Year's Day.

 

Threesum reminded us that next week was going to be the annual raffle draw and that this evening would be the last chance to get raffle tickets. See her in the pub afterwards.

 

Pisswell said that she'd seen Teapot and that he sends his Christmas wishes to the Hash...I think it should be us sending Teapot our Christmas wishes.

 

Zoot announced that she'd got the 2000th run shirts in the pub for distribution to those who had ordered them.

 

The final announcement was that Smellie needs Hares for 8th and 15th January.

 

Over to the Hare....errrr, no Ernie. Instead Strap-On stepped into the Circle with a milk bottle half full of flour.

 

"Ernie's abandoned me. His wife is ill". Nevertheless, there was a trail. A Walkers' of about two-and-a-half miles that would be led by Strap-On. This would be an out and back trail. There were also Long and Short trails but there was a fly in the ointment. Haldon Hash were running from the Keyberry Inn this evening.

 

To distinguish between the two trails, Strap-On had laid the TVH trail with a lot of arrows, L's, S's and W's. Additionally, the TVH3 checks would have a dot in the middle. Basically, if you followed the arrows you can't/shouldn't go wrong.

 

Inevitably, Piddler had a question. The answer was:

"If you find yourself at the Keyberry you're on the wrong trail" - fair enough.

 

Trail

If the trails over the previous 4 weeks have been a tad short of flour, not so this week. It was a near perfect blizzard of flour wherever one looked. The initial spacing between the marks was circa 10m. Shirley, no-one could get lost on this trail and find themselves pitching up at the Keyberry.....or even Haldon Hash arriving at Court Farm.

 

As it turned out, no Hashers arrived back at the wrong pub.

 

Amazingly, however, quite a lot of the Walkers failed to find the quite excellent "sweetie stop". Well, I say sweetie stop but it was more like a winter market.

 

Outside the lynch gate at Wolborough Church, Ernie and Strap-Dancer had set up shop big time. Laid out before us on two trestle tables was an array of goodies, mince pies and cream, chocolates, cake, fudge etc. Ernie was manning a gas stove and was handing out glasses of piping hot mulled wine. Absolutely brilliant.

 

Not quite so brilliant were some of the Walkers. These poor souls had religiously followed returnee Bluebird amd Melon Picker. Sure, they had been on trail most of the time but, rather like last week, they'd found the return trail somewhat prematurely. thereby missing the superb sweetie and drink stop.

Back to the trail. Having only run from Court Farm three weeks ago, we did wonder if we might be running over old ground. Not so. I was completely taken aback by the fact that the Hares had found virgin territory - and in my own patch. Well done.

 

The trail exited the car park via the pathway that leads to the churchyard but we were headed the other way and into the village. Left along Slade Lane and our first check. The trail took us up Priory Road and another check. This now took us west along Manor Road. At the junction with Firestone Lane, the Walkers were guided right on their "out and back trail".

 

For the Longs, it was dead ahead and up to the Totnes Road. As for the Shorts, I have no idea. I was just following the FRB's, Beeflicker, Beefy and a recovered Wet-Johnny. Just behind me were Fukarewe, Big End and Well Hopped. we crossed Totnes Road at a junction called Old barn Cross. I have never even noticed this junction before.

 

On the other side of the main road, a broad uphill track took us up to Rydonball Cross near Prickly Ball Farm. I have never been up this track in my life.

 

At the end of the track, an arrow had us descend down Denbury Road to the roundabout near Wolborough cemetery. Dots and arrows had us heading towards Newton Abbot when an arrow suddenly had us cross the main road and the ascent up Bradley Lane to the sweetie stop at Wolborough Church.

 

What a welcome site....an untouched speed of goodies....just for the Longs it appeared as there was no sight of either the Shorts or the Walkers. It was so inviting that we were tempted to stay for a second mince pie but it would be unfair to deprive the Shorts and the Walkers of such a splendid feast.

 

The Hare pointed the Longs in the only direction that we didn't want to go; the boggy public right of way past Wolborough Farm and up to the junction of Firestone Lane and Stoneman's Hill.

 

Back on tarmac, we followed the Walkers' reverse route back to Abbotskerswell via Firestone Lane and Odle Hill. However, at Slade Lane Wet Johnny, Beefy and Beeflicker decided that they needed more exercise. They carried on up towards Denbury Diesels for an extra loop. Meanwhile, Fukarewe and Man-Pig were getting thirsty.

 

Down-Downs

Back in the pub it was particularly good to have Bluebird back, unless you were on the Walkers' trail. Bluebird has been quite poorly with a chest infection and he has also been run ragged looking after Mum. He was so pleased to be able to get out for the first time in about 6 weeks and he is particularly grateful for all those who have enquired after both his and his Mum's health.

 

It is one of my favourite aspects of the Hash. On the surface we may appear to be a lighthearted and carefree bunch of pissheads but, beneath the surface, there is a lot of kindness and we are all here for each other. It is the unsung backbone of the Hash and something that we should all be proud of.

 

Forrest-Stump was not on pantomime rehearsal duties again this evening and reassumed the role of RA. The Hares were aware that some of the Walkers never made it to the sweetie stop. Consequently, they decant mince pies and cream into the pub for those who missed out.

 

The first Down-Down was to the Hares. But which one? Ernie was nominated for a great trail and the extraordinarily good sweetie stop. A note for the Hare.

 

The second Down-Down was to accompany the award of a 200th run badge, but to whom? It was our GM, Shitfaced. There was some discussion as to exactly what constitutes a run. Nonetheless, the half pint of beer is dispatched PDQ.

 

Hotlips awarded the Jester's Hat to Threesum for organising another excellent TVH3 Christmas Party. I think that everyone enjoyed it.

 

On a double-header after attending another hash party on Friday, Piltdown was a little under the weather, and a touch of food-poisoning didn't help much. All of which explains the celebrated 'nap' moment caught on camera.

 

There were certainly some great fancy dresses; Palmolive as a Cobra (beer), a bevy [sic] of Jail Ales, a fantastic Bloody Mary, a Blue Nun (though some remarked that it could have been a Blue Bum!) and a perplexing Johnny Walker courtesy of Piddler to name but a few.

 

On the subject of Piddler, Piddler had a special Down-Down. This was to celebrate his forthcoming civil partnership with Going Down this coming Wednesday. The Hash had given him a small "partnership" present - a pair of cocktail glasses. Accordingly, his Down-Down is a cocktail. He also received a veil, a mock betrothal ceremony, the Hashshit shirt and his original half of beer. A note for "the soon to be unvirgined one".

 

THE HASH - TRULY A FAMILY AFFAIR

Two months have drifted by since I last hashed. Arriving as the circle was underway, I felt out of it, and might have turned back had it not been for the reassuring arm of Beefy and a welcome from Fukarwi.

An enjoyable stroll with Melon Picker ensued, and despite the rain - and a soaking from a car ploughing through a puddle as we entered the village, I felt I had done enough to earn a beer.

It was lovely to see you all again. Thank you.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Kings Arms, Kingsteignton, for the Big One - Run 2000 and the Christmas Draw. Our Hares are Zoot and Hotlips - just reported that Hotlips has covid so replacement hare(s) will replace them.

 

On-On to next week.

 

Postscript: Lost Property - someone has left some important items in the pub; a purse, door keys and a tankard. Find out next week who has secured pole position for the Hashshit shirt