TVH3 The Words for 4th December 2023

The Devon Arms Hotel, Teignmouth

Run No. 1998

 

Snakes and Ladders

 

(the Longs do the Shorts and then do the trail properly)

 

HARES: Smellie, Piltdown Man & Georgie Porgy

 

Who wuz there: Smellie, Piltdown-Man, Georgy Porgy, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Polyfella, Big End, Well Hopped, Soapy, Melonpicker, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Ernie, Fukarewe, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio, Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Warmfront, Psycho, Coldtits, U-Bend, Tamsin, Piddler, Arkangel, Forrest-Stump, Wood-lend & Woodlend's virgin friend.

 

Circle

Returnee Shitfaced welcomed all to the Circle. We were reminded that the TVH3 Christmas party takes place this coming Saturday at the Constitutional Club, Newton Abbot. Tickets are still available via Threesum at £10 for members and £15 for non-members. Meet at the Union Inn from 6.30pm.

I suspect that there will be a mini pub crawl prior to arriving at the con club but no agenda on that score yet.

 

Smellie is OK for Hares till next year but wanted a show of hands for sandwiches/sausage and chips in the pub - 8 takers I think.

 

Beeflicker is desperate for help in his shop. Can anyone step in and play Santa between now and Christmas, especially this Sunday?

 

Shitfaced welcomed Woodlend's lady friend and dog into the Circle as she is a virgin (I have some serious reservations about that - Ed). My apologies as I'm afraid that I didn't catch her name.

 

Over to the Hares. This was supposed to be Smellie's trail, but the briefing was led by Piltdown Man. This may have been because Smellie had just arrived at the Circle having got lost on her own trail.

 

Piltdown advised that there was a Long and a Shorts of circa 5 and 4'ish miles respectively. Georgy stepped up and said that she would be guiding the Walkers on a shorter trail but BEWARE of a very slippery bridge. Piddler's request for "How many Long/Short splits went unanswered. Finally, Piltdown advised that, "There are no crosses. It is two and on".

 

Trail

Some adhere to the mantra that less is more i.e. the less flour there is the more fun you will have. Somehow, this has tended to work out over the past four weeks. Would this week be different? We would soon find out.

 

Piltdown's instructions were, "It's down there. Take the first right".

 

Three right turns later, we find our first mark and an arrow that takes us onto backbeach. Thereupon, we grind to a halt.

 

Usually, we turn left and head for the Green. Not today. A shout to the right and we were on trail running past the Quay car park, and then left through Morgan's boatyard, along the pebble beach, then right under the tunnel beneath the railway line before emerging at the northern end of Shaldon Bridge.

The trail now took us up onto the Teignmouth Road and left towards Newton Abbot then right up the track that runs to the east of Broadmeadow. A check had us running up steps past a children's play park and then......nothing.

 

The pack spread out. Eventually, a call from downhill and the trail took us down Lower Kingsdown Road. Another grind to a halt before Beeflicker found a mark towards the bottom of Mill Lane. Unbeknown to the FRB's (who are also usually those who do the Longs) we were on the Shorts' return trail.

 

It wasn't long before we had crossed a footbridge over the railway when we came to the OH sign and a perplexed Georgy Porgy. Twenty minutes had elapsed since we started the trail!

"You've gone wrong", stated Georgy.

 

Yes. I think we all had guessed that. The thought of the pub was so very tempting. It was only a stone's throw away. The wind and the cold made the thought of a sausage sandwich and a pint even more tantalising.

 

But we are Hashers through and through. So a U-turn it was.

 

We backtracked over the railway, along Bitton Close, across Bitton Park, over the main road and back up Mill Lane to Lower Kingsdown Road. On Lower Kingsdown Road, we had missed a change of direction up Kingsdown Close.

 

Back on trail, we panted up Mill Lane and zigzagged around Hutchings Way and Bishop Wilford Road until we arrived at the sweetie stop. This was at the crossroads between Fourth Avenue/Moorview Drive and Headway Cross Road. Amazingly, the Shorts were already at the sweetie stop. The sweetie stop was also the location of the trail's only Long/Short split. Piltdown advised us that the Longs was another 3 miles and pointed us up Moorview Drive.

 

Beeflicker led the Longs, followed by Warmfront, Psycho, Beefy, Ernie, Fukarewe and Man-Pig. But someone was missing. It was Pisswell who is usually on the Longs. We hadn't seen her in ages.

As it transpired, I think that she was the only Long who did not go off trail at Lower Kingsdown Road. Hence she was now FRB'ing by miles!

 

The Shorts descended down Fourth Avenue to return to the Devon Arms along the route that the Longs had already inadvertently covered.

 

Looking at the map, it is clear to see where the Longs had gone wrong. A cross at the junction of Lower Kingsdown Road and Mill Lane would have been just perfect. The fly in the ointment, of course, was that tonight's trail was cross free!

 

The Longs were now on what was, at least for me, virgin territory. More zigzagging on and off Moorview Lane reaped the benefit of passing some houses with absolutely fantastic arrays of Christmas illuminations. We were so captivated by the spectacle that we frequently lost the trail.

 

Nevertheless, it wasn't long before we were traipsing down Galloway Drive which abruptly gave way to a path in open, but boggy, pasture. This proved to be Britton Brook Park.

 

We were obviously in a valley. The FRB's had overshot a mark and were heading towards Howard Close when Pyscho and Warmfront called us back. We followed the Topiary Twins over a small earth dam and then followed a footpath up to what appeared to be the very edge of the Teignmouth urban area. All we could see in front of us was a very high ridgeline in the vicinity of Holcombe Down. It was inevitable that we were just about to embark on a very long urban climb.

 

Sure enough, we followed the trail along a footpath up and across Gilbert Avenue, Bligh Court, Admirals Walk, Armada Drive, Frobisher Close and Drake Avenue (there appears to be a theme here) before eventually emerging onto Higher Exeter Road.

 

At Drake Avenue, we came across the Hare who was now sweeping by car. We crossed Higher Exeter Road and then a footpath into Larch Close before a trot down Maudlin Drive. Man-Pig, Ernie and Fukarewe had lost contact with the fitter, faster FRB's. However, running up Maudlin Drive towards us were Beeflicker and Beefy. The Hare had just driven past to tell them they were off trail. Back up to the junction of Maudlin Drive and Saint Davids Road and we were, once more, on trail.

 

The trail now took us down Higher Woodway Road and New Road and thence onto the A379 where the Hare was waiting again. I guess that the benefit of an urban trail is that it does afford the opportunity to sweep by car. Piltdown gave us directions and also asked if we'd seen Psycho and Warmfront.

"Not for ages. They must be in front".

 

Ernie and I had fallen further behind; before us Fukarewe, Beefy and Beeflicker were disappearing into the distance. The trail now took us down Cliff Road and thence down Eastcliff Walk before we encountered the OH on the footbridge over the railway.

 

Back in town....no marks. Ernie and I knew where we were and moseyed past Dicey Rileys and back to the On-Down at 9.02. I'd forgotten to turn on my Garmin but I suspect that we had done more than the advertised 5 miles.

 

Nonetheless, a good trail and virgin territory for me - even if the Longs also did most of the Shorts as well!

 

Down-Downs

Forrest-Stump was not on pantomime rehearsal duties this evening and assumed the role of RA. Regrettably there was no songmeister. Nevertheless, the show had to roll on.

 

First down-down to the Hares; principally for getting the Longs back to the OH mark within 20 minutes. But which one of the Hares was going to be the recipient? Piltdown and Georgy conspired to nominate Smellie. Smellie took her time dispatching her half.

 

Ernie had the Baby Bat Hat (I believe that the Big Bat Hat (aka the Ceremonial Bat Hat) is Bluebird's pride and joy and now resides in the belfry at Maidencombe). This he awarded to Piltdown Man for an absence of marks on the Longs and sweeping by car. Another slow-mo Down Down.

 

Smellie stepped up to award the Hashshit shirt. I don't know where she has been hiding it ,but it smelt rank; so much so that even some of the locals in the bar were complaining. Smellie had three potential candidates as recipients including Piltdown Man. 

 

Eventually, it fell on Pisswell for FRB'ing. Sensibly, Pisswell nominated Beefy to strip off in order to adorn the shirt before taking the Down-Down.

 

The final half - but no accompanying award. Forrest awarded this to Man-Pig. Why? When Smellie asked if anyone would like sausage and chips in the Circle Man-Pig was heard to mutter. "Oh. That won't include Mrs Man-Pig. She doesn't like sausage". Much giggling from those within earshot. The Pig effected the quickest Down Down of the evening accompanied by, "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at the Court Farm, Abbotskerswell, with Hare Ernie.

 

On-On to next week, MP