ANOTHER WET JOHNNY EPIC & A BIG, BIG BADGE

TVH3 The Words for 19th February 2024

The Corner Flag, Devon FA, Newton Abbot

 

Run No. 2008

 

HARE: Wet-Johnny

 

Who wuz there: Wet-Johnny, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Threesum, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Melonpicker, Fukarewe, Amy (virgin), Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Manopause, Wetfart, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers, Popeye, Popeye's partner and Bobbiball (pub only).

 

Circle

GM Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle including virgin, Amy. She was welcomed with the usual liberal dowsing of flour. 

 

Shitfaced mentioned that the Committee (the committed) were going to promote a "Bring a friend" hash (next week). 

 

There would be a prize on the Awards' Night for whoever had brought along the most friends. A lot of navel gazing took place as sad and lonely hashers contemplated:

 

a) did they have any friends?

b) if they did have friends, would any of them be potty enough to come out to get cold, wet and dirty?

Food for thought.

 

Smellie was absent. A miscommunication between her and her chauffeur, Coldtits.

 

Coldtits: "I am at the station".

Smellie: "So am I".

Coldtits: "I am at the front of the station and I can't see you".

Smellie: " I am at the front of the station and I can't see you!"

Coldtits: "Which station are you at?"

Smellie: "Teignmouth".

Coldtits: "Newton Abbot".

 

Here endeth the lesson; one less Down-Down to worry about.

 

Wetfart gave us an update on Teapot. Teapot is still in Torbay hospital. He is in good spirits but an MRI scan has confirmed that he's had two mini-strokes. On the upside, Teapot's speech is fine and the only apparent downside is that his balance is a little off. All visits would be much appreciated.

 

Man-Pig updated all on Fallen Woman's funeral and wake this coming Friday. The dress code is, "Wear something colourful to remind us of Fallen Woman's colourful character". The funeral is at Torbay Crematorium at 10.30am. The wake will follow straight afterwards at Brixham Sailing Club. I understand that the wake will continue until closing time!

 

Over to the the Hare, Wet-Johnny.

 

Wet-Johnny explained: "There are Walkers', Shorts' and Longs' trails. The Shorts' trail will be about 4.5 miles". However, he might have gone a bit overboard with the Longs'.....ahem...."7 miles! There are two Long/Short splits".

 

Trail

For the second time in TVH3 history. we were back at the Corner Flag - again organised by Wet-Johnny.

 

The Walkers and the Shorts immediately dropped into Decoy Woods for a jaunt around the lake. Six fools elected for the long Longs: Beeflicker - never to be seen again, Beefy, Man-Pig, Big-End, Well Hopped and Pisswell.

 

The Longs went up to Coach Road and turned left and then left again down the broad and muddy track into the rear of Decoy Brake.

 

Initially, we all scampered and tiptoed around the shiggy bits. We always do it and I don't know why because we all know the futility of such actions. Inevitably, you're going to get wet and muddy, and so it proved to be. The tracks in the woods were like streams in places. 

 

At the southeast corner of Blackball Plantation, I was convinced that we would go right and across the 4 fields that would take us near the Priory in Abbotskerswell. BONG!Wrong! A cross barred our way.

We took a left and down the track and followed the excellent, clear and frequent marks back to the Keyberry Inn where we caught up with the Walkers. This was also the point of a Walkers/Long & Shorts split. 

 

The Walkers headed towards the Keyberry whilst the Longs and the Shorts stayed on Kingskerswell Road heading for, well, Kingskerswell obviously.

 

I was sure that we would turn right and upto the Priory and the next junction. BONG! Wrong again. There was a check but it had been kicked out straight ahead. 

 

Beefy passed me. Where had he been? He had been miles in front earlier. At the roundabout near the new Oak business park, arrows had us carry on past the Barn Owl and then left along Torquay Road towards Newton Abbot before turning up right behind Romany Jones. This was not what I had been expecting. 

 

Climbing up Yew Tree Climb (as named by Strava) we turned left at Paraprick's pad. In front of me, I could just see Beefy's torchlight. Behind me were two torches. Almost certainly Well Hopped and Big End.

 

It was a straight trail along Milber Lane to Wet-Johnny manning the sweetie-stop. This was also the second Long/Short split. Beefy and I headed towards Milber Industrial estate where an arrow had us turn right and up towards Hiller lane but no Hiller Lane tonight. 

 

A kicked out check had us heading on a track that we haven't been on in ages. We were heading towards Buckland. 

 

At Shaldon Road, it was straight across and then down Haytor Drive. At the bottom, we crossed over the yellow pedestrian footbridge and into the edge of the Brunel industrial estate. We took a left and back to the Penn inn roundabout. 

 

Under the underpass, after having stopped to admire oneself in the mirror that is supposed to keep cyclists and pedestrians on the correct side of the underpass - Popeye beware.

 

Exiting at Sainsburys, (I thought we were going to ban trails running past supermarkets - too much of an distraction for Smellie) the trail took us past Mcdonalds and back into Decoy Woods via a narrow ginnel running behind a row of houses. 

 

Again, the marks were clear and copious for a simple climb back up and into the Devon FA playing fields.

 

Another fine solo trail laid, marshalled and replenished by Wet-Johnny. Well done.

 

Down-Downs

Forest-Stump had asked Man-Pig to RA for the evening so it was:

 

"Thank you to the pub for doing the scoff and for the beer". From memory, I don't think that the pub does scoff on Monday after 7pm so it was good for the chef to stay on to cook for hungry hashers.

"What did we think of the trail?" Despite the usual jeers of "Too dry", Too flat" it was an excellent trail following an unexpected and circuitous route.

 

"Who has an award from last week?"

 

Manopause had the Hashshit shirt and looked straight at Smellie.

 

"Wrong station?" but it was such a cheap shot that the shirt went to a recipient for his performance at last week's Valentine's Day hash. 

 

Someone had ducked out of dancing lessons and headed straight to the pub. To make matters worse, he had placed himself in a window seat so that he could wave at passing Hashers whilst quaffing his beer.

So who had placed themselves squarely in a window looking for all the world as though he was sitting for a portrait painting? Roger the Dodger. In addition to the Hashshit shirt, he got a big turd hat (or was it a giant walnut whip?) courtesy of Beeflicker.

 

A note for the portrait boy.

 

Next up was Beeflicker himself. He had the Jester's Hat. He outlined a brief story about two SCB's. It concerned Fukarewe and virgin Amy. 

 

Eventually, Fukarewe did the honourable thing and stepped up to take the Down-Down. However, there was a new award, again courtesy of Beeflicker via Yorkshire Hash.

 

A pinny with a pair of ladies projecting 'accoutrements'. There was a snap taken but perhaps, on reflection, Fukarwi decided that he looked too much of a prize wally. Mind you, Roger the Dodger certainly looked the part in his shirt and walnut whip outfit.

 

A note for the SCB.

 

There was one award left over from last week. 

 

Last week Checkmate's virgin friend, Shay, was given the horned hat. He wasn't going to be present this week so he had given it to Miss Whiplash (AKA Coldtits) to give away. 

 

So what had Coldtits seen on trail? It was not so much what Coldtits had seen, it was more a case of what Popeye had seen.......a lot of himself. Apparently. Popeye had been seen running through the Penn Inn underpass but momentarily stopping at each mirror in order to undertake a bit of preening!

A note for the vain one.

 

Were there any more stories? Squashed Balls piped up that it was twin Buffers' birthday on Thursday.

Now, normally, this would have warranted a Down-Down. 

 

However, tonight was a very special night. There was a big, and I mean BIG, run badge to award. So big, in fact, that the RA had never seen one before......1100 runs! 

 

So who had wasted 1100 Mondays. My guess was that we'd be looking for someone old. Front and centre there was a table of contenders, Bluebird, Wetfart and Bobbiball.

 

"And the winner is..............Wetfart". What a fantastic achievement!

 

"Get a life. Get a life, life,life...." etc.

 

An echo of the Lurv hash, Strap-On distributed the contents of a box of Milk Tray chocs. Very generous.

 

My word, Smellie. How on earth you didn't get a Down-Down.....but there's always next week!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is a long awaited return to a former favourite watering hole of TVH, The Bishop Lacey, Chudleigh. Our Hares for the evening are Hotlips and Zoot. 

 

And don't forget to bring a friend!

 

On-On to next week, MP.