TVH3 The Words for 29th January 2024

Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

Run No. 2005

 

HARES: Shitface & 'Friends'

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Hotlips, Zoot, Warmfront, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Big End, Roger the Dodger, Ablesemen, Twin Buffers, Squashed Blls, Slip-on-Me, Strap-On, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Manopause, Wetfart, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio (latter 2 pub only), and returnees Fishbait & Knottie.

 

Circle

For January, the weather was particularly mild, circa 13 degees. However, the wind had picked up and the pack had dressed accordingly......well, most of the pack. I can only assume that Ipplepen must have been geographically relocated into the southern hemisphere as all three Penners were sporting t-shirts and shorts both on trail and in the pub.

 

Shitfaced welcomed all, including long term absentee Fishbait. Good to see you again. There was a call for numbers i.e. how many of you out there want scoff after the run?

 

Smellie needs Hares for a single date in April and then we're OK till May!

 

Bluebird stepped into the circle to give a plug for the Out of Tunas. They are playing at St Mary's Church, Kingskerswell this coming Friday. If you haven't heard them it is....well....an experience! (A SELL-OUT, no tickets available.)

 

Finally, one of the Hares is called into the circle. He imparted little information apart from advising some of the Shorts to do the Longs as the Shorts is quite boring.

 

Trail

We started up Fluder Hill. Just past the first junction with Southey Lane was supposed to be the first Walkers/Long & Short split but it wasn't there. Well it was. It just wasn't visible. Someone had put their recycling bin right on top of the marks.

 

Now, so as to avoid offending locals, I try not to put marks on what is clearly other people's private property. I always make the effort to try to avoid door steps and front gateposts. My preference is to put marks on on pavements and lamppost bases in built up areas. 

 

The recycling bins had been placed so squarely over the marks that it must have been done deliberately. Accordingly, the Pig moved the bins 18 inches to one side whilst simultaneously giving verbal directions to the Walkers to descend down Daccombe Mill Lane.

 

Three quarters of a mile up Fluder Hill, the terrain levels off and we arrived at the first Long/Short split at Kingskerswell Cross. The Shorts descended down Willowpark Lane whilst the Longs headed into woodland for a zigzag that eventually would take them back onto Fluder Hill at Orestone Cross. Beefy had found two crosses but no trail. 

 

Eventually, an arrow was spotted leading down Orestone Lane. This time Beefy found a back check. Everyone else was hanging around the Hare in the expectation of him imparting some guidance - none was forthcoming.

 

An expeditionary force of one (Pisswell) checked out a path in Orestone Plantation marked "pedestrians" but only to find a cross. There was only one other avenue. Hey presto, a mark! All the Longs were back on trail running on a footpath that exits onto Kingskerswell Road opposite Torbay Holiday Centre (formerly Barton Hall/Torbay ski centre).

 

We were back on road for about 200 yards before the marks had us back on a woodland track that runs parallel with Kingskerswell Road up to its junction with Daccombe Hill Lane and a check.

 

No-one was fooled. All descended down the unbelievably steep hill towards Daccombe. Piddler confessed to Smellie that he'd tried cycling up this hill. Nutty. I could barely get the Harley up here. I'm amazed that traffic is allowed to use the route.

 

At the Daccombe Hill/Orestone Lane junction was another check. Again, no-one was fooled. At Daccombe there was a check, but it was relatively obscure and everyone veered left towards Coffinswell. 

 

Here we bumped into the Bird coming the other way. He guided returnees Knottie and Fishbait to the Walkers trail whilst Man-Pig, Smellie and Piddler took an off-trail shortcut.

 

Being off trail, we did not expect to encounter any of the pack on our shortcut, and certainly not running in the wrong direction. But, there in front of us were two head torches closing fast. These were Warmfront and Beeflicker attempting to get back on trail.

 

We rejoined the second leg of the Long and Shorts' trail for a loop over Kerswell Hill. Piddler and I let Smellie run on. What a mistaka. We could see her in the distance at the corner of the Sloop. She must have been standing on the On-Home mark and a huge arrow. We looked on incredulously as she started running towards Newton Abbot - "Not that way Smellie".

 

It was a relatively short run. Bang on 8.30 and only 200 yards from a beer and a chicken casserole.

 

Down-Downs

The RA thanked the pub for the beer and for putting on the scoff especially for us - the Lord Nelson is, predominantly, a dry pub.

 

Beeflicker had a new award to give away. Guinness hat of the sort that is always wheeled out near St Patrick's Day (17th March). This he presented to Ablesemen for an illumination issue. Not a headtorch but a motorcar. 

 

Able had been kind enough to give Beeflicker a lift back to Newton Abbot after his Hash from Chudleigh Knighton. Now Ablesemen, being an ecologically minded person, decided that she would do her bit to save the planet. She would save electricity by driving back to Newton Abbot without any lights on. How very commendable! For your valiant attempts to save the planet, you get a Down-Down.

 

Man-Pig had two awards, the Hashshit shirt (nice and damp as he'd worn it around the trail) and the Jester's hat. About the only thing he'd seen on trail were a couple of Hashers that were off trail. Taking an off-trail short-cut at the edge of Coffinswell, he saw two head torches coming towards him.

"Can't be Hashers", I thought, "They're off trail and running in the wrong direction". Bong! Wrong. They were Hashers. It was Warmfront and Beeflicker.

 

"OK. Which one of you two clowns was in front?"

 

It was Warmfront so she, appropriately, got the Jester's hat.

 

"Are there any more stories of Hashers off trail? Namely heading towards Newton Abbot?"

Pisswell alleged that she was led astray by Strap-On. So, who got the Hashshit shirt, the leader or the led? The shirt went to Pisswell. This was a combined Down-Down so a note for the "Misled clown".

A final half remained. Bluebird stepped forward. I thought that he was going to drink it himself as Hare. 

 

No. Bluebird was a little put out. He had laid the Walkers and Shorts on Sunday evening. Man-Pig had laid the Longs on Monday morning; unbeknown to him the Walkers and Shorts had already been laid by the Bird. 

 

Hence, the anal Pig decided to check the Bird's homework and correct his mistakes. So, in what has become a bit of a rarity in recent years, the Hare got to have a Down-Down.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Ye Olde Jolly Sailor, 46 Northumberland Pl, Teignmouth, Teignmouth. The Hare is Pollyfella and we understand that sausage and chips will be available in the pub.

 

On-On to next week. MP