ROGER THE DODGER STARS WITH JEROME THE GNOME

 

TVH3 The Words for 11th February 2024

 

Cockhaven Arms, Bishopsteignton

 

Run No. 2011

 

HARES: Roger the Dodger & Well Hopped

 

Who wuz there: Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Cheerio Beerio, Forrest-Stump, Smellie, Psycho, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped's brother, Mrs RtD?, Big End, Ned, Pollyfella, Wet-Johnny and son Gianluca, Slip-on-Me, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Ernie, Fukarewe, Coldtits, Ablesemen and long term absentee - Miss Piggy.

 

Circle

We arrived at the Cockhaven Manor/Arms (not Inn) to see the Hare in action on traffic warden duties. The pub/hotel is quite big and there is a reasonable amount of car parking. However, I am always amazed as to how the car park always seems to be full, yet there are very few people dining or at the bar. Nevertheless, we all got parked relatively easily so it was straight over to the GM.

 

The GM had almost nothing to impart apart from a welcome to returnees, Well Hopped's brother and Miss Piggy. 

 

Then it was over to Ablesemen for some information on poorly Hashers. Poor Satnav has had to give up work as a result of long covid. We also had updates from three Hashers who have visited Teapot over the past week, Ablesemen, Forrest Stump and Beefy. 

 

Teapot remains in Templar wards at Newton Abbot hospital. The only legacy of his mini stroke is a reduction in mobility. Psycho, in her professional capacity, advised that he is making progress with his mobility which sounds positive. We all wish both Satnav and Teapot swift and full recoveries.

 

There was no news in the Circle regarding Broken Man but Facebook and WhatsApp postings suggest that Zoot and some SH4 Hashers have visited him over the past week.

 

Smellie advised that two Mondays have become available in April; 15th and 22nd I think. See Smellie for a date if you want to lay.

 

With that, over to the Hares. Roger the Dodger was very accurate with his distances. Longs' would be 5.7 miles (it was - to the yard!); Shorts' 3.7 and Walkers' 2.7 miles.

 

"Turn left out of the car park".

 

Trail

It is very rare that we Hash from the same village on two consecutive weeks. In fact, I can't recall another occasion but I am sure the Bird will correct me if I am wrong on that score*. 

 

One thing was guaranteed though; despite running from the same village as last week, there was absolutely no chance that we'd get this week's marks confused with last week's!

 

Beeflicker and Pollyfella attained FRB status from the off. The trail took us up Cockhaven Road then left up Bishops Avenue followed by another left along Fore Street. 

 

There was a sense of deja vu as we arrived at the Walkers'/Long & Shorts' split outside last week's On-Down. The Walkers' trail continued up Smith Hill whilst the Shorts and the Longs ascended Berry Hill and thence the public footpath that climbs steeply up to the lane to the south of Humber Down and the Long/Short split.

 

The climb to Humber Down was temporarily impeded by an amphibian. A tiny brown toad was spotted on the muddy footpath. With hashers scurrying hurriedly towards the poor toad, it was picked up and safely deposited on the other side of a fence and well away from Hashers' horrible hooves.

 

The Longs went right towards Teignmouth Golf Course whilst the Shorts went left and straight to the sweetie stop at Colway Cross. 

 

For the Longs, it was now a reciprocal deja vu as we turned left and left again onto Three Trees Lane doing a reverse of last week's trail.

 

Pollyfella was now in the lead, initially followed by Man-Pig but not for long. During the descent down Three Trees Lane, the Pig was overtaken by Beefy, Wet-Johnny and Gianluca, Well Hopped and then Beeflicker. Where had he been? I thought that he was miles in front.

 

At the junction at the rear entrance to Lindridge House, we headed due west, through an avalanche of mud at a field entrance and then left down the long track that took us to the sweetie and rum stop at Colway Cross. But, behold, what did we have here? A fairy light illuminating a large garden gnome (Jerome on an away day from home) at the rear of an estate car. This was RtD's sweetie stop and RtD's sense of humour, the "On-gnome". Hmmmmm........very good.

 

We all expected the "On-home" to be up to Ashwell Cross and back down to the pub via the cemetery. But no. It was left and down to the steep and usually very muddy and slippery footpath descent to Forde Lane. 

 

From here, the trail took us up Forder Lane, right down The Drive and onto the Teignmouth Road.

Here we caught up with Coldtits and Forrest-Stump. Beeflicker was long gone and it was now Psycho, Man-Pig and Beefy FRB'ing just ahead of Wet-Johnny and Pollyfella. 

 

In fact, quite a few on the Long's this evening comprising Wet-Johnny and son, Pollyfella, Well Hopped, Pisswell, Strap-On, Ernie, Fukarewe and, amazingly, Bluebird for the first time since last July.

The final push was up Church Road and then left down a fenced footpath that I did not recognise. This took us into a cul-de-sac that could only be entered from Cockhaven Road. The marks were excellent. We were Home, Jerome!

 

• Not only the same village - Widecombe, but the same pub as well: Groundhog hashes from Rugglestone #1797 & 1798 3rd & 10th June 2019
   

Down-Downs

There was no-one in the bar but, despite this, all Hashers had congregated in a meeting room a few steps up from the bar. The home made sausage roll and chips had been downgraded to just chips. Apparently, the pub had not got enough pre-orders to warrant preparing them. Oh dear.

 

Nevertheless, the Hare had organised and prepaid for the Down-Downs so it was over to the RA for the Down-Downs.

 

Forrest-Stump had the Hash shit shirt from last week. But he had forgotten to bring it to the pub. When Forrest had visited Teapot in hospital he had bumped into Psycho. There ensued a technical conversation regarding the gizmo by which Forrest attached his artificial leg. "Oh. it looks just like a moon cup!" exclaimed our occupational therapist. A lot of perplexed faces, followed by an online search which changed Hashers' faces from perplexed to embarrassed A note for "the Mooner".

 

No other awards present. Beefy was pointing vigorously to the Hare, Roger the Dodger. A Down-Down for the Hare. What a jolly good idea and thoroughly well deserved on a virgin lay. 

 

We had everything. Excellent marks, a sweeper, road, mud, frogs, hills and best of all a sweetie stop with rum. You can Hare again......with or without Jerome the gnome.

 

Beeflicker had a story about a discussion on trail. Apparently, one of our Harriets was delighted to announce that she was "Back on the game!" 

 

Now, just to be clear , recently, Smellie has been injured and has restricted herself to doing the Shorts. Tonight, she was back on the Longs. What she meant to have said was, "I'm on it. I'm back in the game . But that is not how it came out. "Is business brisk, Smellie? And do working girls ply their trade on both sides of the street these days?" A note for the "Working girl".

 

The Hare also had a story. this was about how well the Longs did; particularly when considering all those steep hills. So who, in the final analysis, was the ultimate FRB i.e. first back? The Hare was looking straight at Man-Pig even though Beeflicker had been leading the Longs home ever since the sweetie stop. The Pig got a new award, a Union Jack stovepipe style hat and a rendition of "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

The last half of ale. Any more stories? Bluebird had one about hearing some childish yelping from behind him. This had occurred at the bottom of the muddy track just before the sweetie/rum stop. Someone had careered straight into a quagmire which the Bird described as unfeasibly 3 feet deep. So, who was the screamer? Ernie denied all knowledge so Fukarewe was landed in it [sic]. A note for the cry baby, please.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Church House Inn, Marldon. The Hare is Shitfaced.

 

On-On to next week. MP